Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Paradise Lost, Paradise Regained, Part 14

   As if to soothe me, she blew a huge cloud of smoke right into my face,
slowly and teasingly.

   "Right.  Err, well, first of all, I was really mad at you.  You were so
eager to go to China, I felt you wanted to get away from me.  I mean, till
I went to college I had always been the fat and ugly one, the one guys
would only screw for want of any alternative, when desperate or drunk,
mostly both and I have given in to such a guy only once, on prom night,
because I didn't want to die an old maid.  I felt like I was the last
virgin in the universe.  But I'm sidetracking.

   So, as I said, you were so eager to get away for what felt like the rest
of my life, that I was really mad at you." She said quite angrily.

   "But Sweety, I had no choice.  If hadn't taken that assignment, I'd
probably lost my job.  I've been too fucking ashamed to tell you, that's
what the trouble was.  Call it machismo or bravado and look where it got
us. I'm so sorry for that.  You see, I wouldn't have left you alone even
for a week.  But with the mortgage and things turning sour in the job
market, well what could I do?"

   "But why didn't you say so?" she asked, but I hadn't confessed it al.

   "Because I was too ashamed.  You see, I haven't been performing well. 
Not that I didn't want to, but I couldn't get along with my boss.  He's
such a putz, but I was at his mercy.  He had the discharge papers on his
desk, when the DH suggested I'd take that job in China.  The DH was the guy
who hired me and he sort of likes me and he doesn't dig Mr.  Dickhead
either.  In fact, from what I've heard, Dickhead got sacked himself, after
it turned out I saved the situation in China with bravado.  Rumor has it,
I'm the candidate for Dickheads job.  At least that means no trips for a
while, not that kind of stuff anyway, though I might have to attend some
conferences, but only for a few days at a time.  Not to mention the raise."

   It was out now and though I knew how bad it would make Moira feel, still
I wasn't innocent so...

   "Anyway, I wanted to put things straight.  We were talking about you,
not me.  So all this shit happened because of you being mad at me?" I went
on, thrilled by her incessant smoking.  The self-imposed abstinence had
made her really hungry for a smoke and it showed.  She had already smoked
the first one down to the filter and sucked greedily on the second one.  As
I little side show, she hadn't bothered to use a lighter, using the butt of
the first to light the second cigarette.  Though trashy, if not gross in
itself, the gesture still turned me on even more, igniting dreams of her
smoking all day without need for a lighter.  But in fact I had other plans
for her.

   "Yeah, partly, but there was something else.  Those days before you
left, you were, maybe for the first time, really making me feel like a
woman.  I don't want to say you hadn't delivered before and I have to
admit, I was quite shy and uptight, so I didn't make it easy for you.  I
mean, I sort of blamed you for that too, even though you were improving. 
Then you left, I was frustrated and somehow craving for more of that
incredible feeling, I had just learned about.  You didn't bother to call
for two days and I was so worried, my boss all but sent me home, as I was
of no use at work.  I searched all the websites for news of airplane
crashes, because I wasn't even sure you've arrived safely in China."

   "But I..." I said trying to set her right.  I had written her that had
been unable to use any phone for want of time and because my cell phone
hadn't been working.  It had taken me three days to get mail access, as my
laptop didn't work at first, neither in the local office in Beijing nor in
the hotel.  I couldn't phone her up at night from the hotel because of the
time lag and some problems with international calls, so I had been
incommunicado for days.

   "Look Honey-bear, I know now what happened, but I didn't back then.  I
mean, I had no idea about China and how things are there.  By the time I
got your first mail, it was too late and I had, well tripped, so, err,
well... Guess I said to myself it was too late anyway.  I know it was
stupid, but then, look, I have to admit I was beginning to sort of enjoy
it. Like once you started to lie or steal or cheat, your reputation is gone
anyway, can't make it any worse."

   She sighed heavily and she pulled so hard on her cigarette, I cold see
it burn down.  Then she turned away.  Though her words had hurt me maybe
even more than the sight of her humping another guy in our bedroom, I
couldn't but feel compassion and tenderness.  It was too obvious how
tormented she was.  So I pulled her close and started to kiss her from her
ear to the corner of her mouth and of course she turned her head to greet
my mouth with hers and for quite a while we were too busy to talk.

   Sunday, the 18th of May

   Sunday passed in a haze of smoke and hot sex.  Neither of us seemed
interested in raising any of the subjects, not for the time being, so I
just rejoiced upon my newly found sex goddess.  Though I could think of
many improvements, I would turn to those when the time would be ripe,
knowing that once the novelty had faded, spicing up would be the thing
needed and I had a lot of ideas cooking, though not really a clear plan for
any of them.

   Monday, the 19th of May

   On Monday I had a lot of things to keep my mind off the state of my
marriage.  I had left early, reluctantly leaving Moira in bed with her
"breakfast" of coffee and cigarettes.  She actually mentioned she was
getting used to that.  "Before" she had always been keen on a "healthy"
breakfast, but not by nutritional standards, as ham and eggs had become
quite unpopular, but she had all but grown up on them.  But now, as she
declared, she was quite comfortable with coffee and cigarettes till lunch
time.  Though I swore I loved her opulent frame, she still wanted to shed a
few pounds.  Well, I could live with that.  Though I had, before I met
Moira, dated much smaller and thinner girls, I had always had a secret
desire for luscious women, not really fat, just big, ample and feminine. 
That I had, before Moira, avoided bigger women, was actually due to peer
pressure mostly.

   Once, still in senior high school, Karl and I had a discussion about our
preferences, like which of the girls from our class we'd like to bed.  I
mentioned Gina, a girl with already fully developed body at fifteen and
also taller then even most boys.  While most of the other girls were still
desperately tucking socks into their bras, making it all the more obvious
they didn't own much to fill their blouses, Gina had a lot to fill her bra
already.  Karl laughed his head off.  He called her fat cow and other
stupid names, saying she'd soon have look for her boobs in her garter, as
big boobs sooner or later followed he laws of gravity.  Well, as Karl was
already quite successful with girls and even grown up women, or at least he
claimed so, from then on I avoided the girls with too big breasts,
suppressing my secret longings even harder than my smoking fetish.  I never
talked about that with Karl, except in a very neutral way, never even
hinting to my true feelings.  In fact I had all but convinced myself that
big girls weren't really sexy.  Of course Moira made that inner barrier of
mine crumble.

   Some kind of magic had started when I first touched her, or maybe even
when she got within a few inches of me for the very first time.  Apart from
any physical characteristics, there was something chemical going back and
force between us.  I was to learn later, that, though not yet clear how
this worked, pheromones play a big role in this initial spark that romantic
people call "love at first sight", though I had learned later that actual
love goes beyond that.  Even that has been recently deciphered by scientist
to be "imprinting", but I didn't care much about any theories.  As it was,
she had long gotten under my skin and as far as I could tell, she felt the
same about me, despite recent events.  Loving somebody doesn't necessarily
mean that one becomes blind and deaf for anybody else.  It's more about
coming to terms with seeing other attractive persons.

   Anyway, I was terribly busy all day and except for a rather short e-mail
in which I told her that I had indeed been promoted, I was too busy to even
phone her.  I had to report in person about the situation in the Chinese
subsidiary and other stuff, I needed to move into the new office and so
forth.  When I finally got home, it was past seven and I was both exhausted
and famished.

   Moira looked fresh and excited, almost sparkling when I entered and she
all but bumped me into the door, as she flung her self at my neck the
moment I sat foot in the hallway.  For a while I forgot about being tired
or hungry and as a novelty, we did it right there, standing, or let's say I
was standing, while Moira clang to the hallstand, which gave squeaky
sounds, but luckily supported Moira's weight till we both exploded.  We
landed in a heap on the floor, laughing hysterically, as my legs had failed
me after I shot off.

   "Guess we will need a sturdier hook, if we turn this into a habit."
Moira managed to say between fits of hysterical laughter.  "Maybe we can
get a garage remote and fix in to the ceiling of the hall, so you can hang
me on to it."

   That sent us laughing again, until we could hardly breathe any more.

   Well, fatigue and all, I still found the power to go for a second round,
this time in bed.  We took it up slowly and I managed to mount the levels
of passion slowly and tenderly, driving Moira into an prolonged orgasm,
which left her almost unconscious, so I had not only to light but also hold
her "post" cigarettes, and though in the end she had recovered her senses
enough to hold her cigarette, she looked pleadingly at me, even cocking up
her hands puppy style, so I had no choice but to serve her once more.  She
still seemed to be able to surprise me with new smoke-play tricks to feed
my fetish and I loved her even more for that.

   Tuesday, the 20th of May

   Though not as spectacular, Tuesday began and ended pretty much In the
same way.  Wednesday it was time for girls night agian.  Though Moira kept
insisting she would rather drop it from now on and though my guts told me
to agree, to have Moira to myself as often as our jobs allowed, I knew it
would be the most stupid thing I could.  The however remote peril of Moira
relapsing into her "old" pattern of forgetting me and her wedding vow after
a few drinks turned my guts inside out.  But then, playing with the fire
also thrilled me in a perverted way to the point I almost wished she would
do it.  Maybe all these events had unraveled a till now buried voyeuristic
streak in me, because I felt a freakish thrill when I imagined for a second
to see Moira, back to the wall, bumped by some gorilla character, sucking
in ecstasy on a cigarette or something even bigger and moaning with
pleasure.  And, I wasn't even sure whether my horror caused by such an
eventuality was bigger because or her cheating or because I couldn't be
there to watch.

   Wednesday, the 21st of May Wednesday night came I felt totally out of
place at home, waiting hour after hour for Moira to return.  At some point
I even had to run to the bathroom to jerk off like a madman when I couldn't
fight the image of Moira humping some dickhead.  Then I finally heard the
cab stopping in the driveway.  My watch showed only half past nine, no
reason to suspect foul play, though it would have taken her only minutes
to... Still, I felt an enormous relief, and jumped to open the door for
Moira.

   She literally fell into my arms, not really stone drunk, but enough for
wobbly feet.  As I held her close, she emanated the quite strong scent of
smoke and alcohol, much to my delight.  Our kiss was a rather wet affair,
not to say drooling and I realized she was not really fit for anything any
more.  Though a week ago I had enjoyed riding her, somehow this time I just
felt I would take advantage of her.

   Yet, I had not taken into account her own position on the subject. 
After two glasses of water and a never-ending chain of cigarettes, she
pushed me up the stairs, though in the end I had to support her.  But I
didn't mind, I always welcomed any excuse to hold her and touch her, even
in rather innocent places, like her waist or shoulder.

   That night, I had my first experience of sex with a woman who smoked
till I she climaxed and of course she never stopped lighting up till she
fell asleep, cigarette in hand.  Luckily I was there to take it away.  Even
in her drunken stupor, she still made sucking moves with her lips, so I did
indeed put the cigarette to her lips, but she didn't inhale, so I stubbed
out the cigarette, but not before I took a drag myself.  Though I knew
exactly how to smoke, I had never done it, I mean, I had, on occasions,
accepted a cigarette from a girl, but I had only puffed, leaving me with a
foul taste in my mouth and the doubtful pleasure of sharing something
without actually doing it.  This time however I went for it all.

   I inhaled on purpose, I even sucked down the smoke as best as I could.
It racked on my throat, but in a quite pleasant and refreshing way.  Though
there weren't many packs left, Moira still smoked the Newport cigarettes I
had bought her.  The menthol taste was overwhelming, but then the head rush
sat in, almost making me loose my balance.  Yet, I took another hit,
pulling even more smoke into my mouth and sucking it down as before, this
time even holding it down for a while.  The sensation on my throat was
harsh but also refreshing and the nicotine rush hit me full force.

   I hardly managed to reach the ashtray before I fell on the bed.  I felt
sick now and the whole room seemed to sway.  Luckily, after a few minutes I
recovered enough to use the bathroom and return to Moira.  She was snoring
slightly, deeply entrenched in her intoxication, but I couldn't resist to
spooning her.  Though I didn't wake her up, even in her comatose sleep she
reacted and wiggled her buttocks as in an invitation to drive in.  But that
wasn't on my mind.  I just enjoyed the sensation of her skin on mine and
embedded my half erect buddy between her buttocks.  With the ambrosial
blend of female sweat, cigarette smoke and alcohol in my nose I fell
asleep, happy and content.  I would do my best to support her weekly
debauchery.