Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Lifeline, Part 2

   The summer was wasted on me.  If my parents hadn't been so understanding
I don't know what would have become of me.  They didn't ask any questions
but they took care I didn't fall down completely.  I had always been skinny
but in fall, when I went to a prep school, my bones shimmered thru my skin.
I had grown a wild beard and looked like an escaped convict.  To my
surprise I found myself in the focus of the attention of the female part of
the students.  Even some boys took an instant sympathy to me and those two
years have been the best of maybe my whole life.  I left the school with a
reputation of an expert lover and a good pal too, the perfect party animal.
What had isolated me before, my quick whit when it came to learning, now
drew admiration upon me and from a nerd I turned into a sort of universal
genius, the guy everybody would ask about anything.  Not that it reflected
in my grades, I was just average, but it enabled me to take studying
lightly.  Of course my one time dream of graduating at MIT was out of reach
but little did I care.  Deep down I still mourned for Celine, but I did my
best not to let it bring me down. At home again, I decided to drop college
and instead fulfill my dad's dream and start working in his shop.  He owned
an electronics store and had successfully fought attempts of big chains to
drive him out of business.  Whatever new trend seemed to announce itself he
was the first to smell it and in his store people could admire all the new
gadgets from Japan or home long before TV commercials made them widely
known.  Whether it was the Gameboy or the Playstation or any other new
contraption, he had it.  I was determined to learn his way of thinking like
the average customer, to foresee what would be a success and what not.  As
my father paid me quite good, I was able to afford an apartment and I lived
on my own.  It wasn't hard for me to find a date, now that I had gained a
lot of chuzpe.  Two years of prep school had taught me that the key to a
successful love life aren't broad shoulders or muscles but the right
attitude.



   I met Laura at my favorite watering hole, a nice place outside town with
pool tables and the odd band on their way thru, sometimes good and
sometimes bad.  As people there hardly ever listened to the music it didn't
matter anyway.  My nerd times being long gone, I hung around with one or
another of my former school mates and we had a good time.  Laura came with
another group, girls and guys, and at first I thought they were all pairs
but more and more often our eyes crossed.  Except that she alone of the
girls smoked and constantly too, she wasn't very remarkable.  A bit small
and stubby but in a graceful way, with a nice face, she looked interesting
enough to raise my attention.  After a couple of glances, she started to
smile at me.  If she hadn't smoked, I wouldn't have noticed her, but as she
did have a very sexy way of smoking, I made up my mind to give it a try.
After a year we were still together, still living in separate apartments
but spending a lot of time together, mostly in bed.  She wasn't exactly my
dream of a woman but it was nice to be with her.  I loved to hold her naked
in my arms and caress her ample forms.  She was young and her flesh firm
and inviting.  If not happy then I was at least satisfied and had a quiet
life.  We did quarrel sometimes on trivial things but as we always ended in
bed afterwards, it didn't really matter.

   One Saturday night, I was expecting Laura to drop by so we would go out
with no predetermined destination, the bell rang.  I opened the door and it
hit me like a hammer.  Celine stood there with a small bag in her hand and
a bruised face.  Like the last time I had seen her, she fell into my arms,
only this time she started to sob instantly.  After a while she calmed down
a little and I took her bag and made her sit on the coach. 'Goerge, can I
stay here for a while?' I had half expected her question from the way she
looked.  'Who did this to you?' I asked her, sure of the answer, 'Aydan, my
husband.' She started to sob again.  I took her in my arms and felt her
tears wetting my shoulder.  I stroked her back gently and couldn't but
notice how skinny she had become. 'Please can I stay here for a while?  I
have no place to go and no money.' My answer came quite naturally.  I had
forgotten Laura completely. 'Sure, you can stay as long as you want.  Can I
offer you something?' 'No, I don't need anything, except maybe, you
wouldn't have a cigarette?' She knew me as a non-smoker.  In fact in my
last year in prep school I had turned into a sort of social smoker.  I had
found that I could smoke an occasional cigarette without turning green. 
After a couple of beers it came quite naturally and I also enjoyed the
cigarette after but I rarely smoked on a normal day.  This of course meant
that I had cigarettes handy, also because Laura often ran out of cigarettes
when she stayed over the night.  In my drawer I always had a pack or two of
Marlboro Lights 100, the brand of Laura.  I took an almost full pack out of
the drawer and gave it to Celine.  With shaking hands she took one out and
lit it.  After a couple of deep hits, combined inhales and exhales, she
coughed slightly and lent back with a sigh.

   'Thank you so much.  You saved my life.  That bastard forbade me smoking
on the very first day.  I was stupid enough to give in at first.  When
things started to turn bad, I sometimes sneaked in a cigarette or two when
he was away but he caught me one day and slapped my face for it.' I was
shocked.  Of course I had at first been mad at her and had cursed her
marriage and all that, but now I felt guilty.  I realized how much I still
loved her and felt enormously sorry for her.  I laid my arm around her and
she cuddled into my side and smoked in silence.  Suddenly the noise of a
key in the lock of the door made us both startle.  Celine gave me an
inquisitive look but I had no time to give her an explanation.  Laura had a
key to my apartment and she had come to take me out. 'Hi, G.' as much as I
hated it, she insisted on calling me G.  'Hey you've got company!' then she
realized what she saw.  Without a word, she hurled the key in one corner,
turned around and ran straight out of my life never to show up again. 
Celine gave me a very sad and guilty look, but I tried to calm her down. 
Even if she had been the reason for it, I wasn't very sad of Laura's sudden
departure.  Lately our relationship had not worked very well.  As sweet as
she had been in the beginning, in time Laura had shown a bad temper more
often and I wasn't always comfortable with her views on certain topics.  I
told Celine all this and she understood.

   I managed to persuade Celine to eat something and then, while she smoked
up what was left of the pack of cigarettes, she told me about her marriage
or at least as much as she was repaired to.  From the first day he turned
out to be a real brute of a man.  I learned that she had hoped her cousin,
the son of her father's sister, would have the same kind and friendly
nature like her father.  To my surprise she told me that unlike the whole
school had assumed it wasn't her father that had held her tight but her
mother.  The very first night with her husband had shattered all her hopes
for a happy life.  Aydan, her husband, had no sensibility at all and was
full of contempt for the whole womanhood.  He treated her like a slave to
be at his disposition.  His lovemaking was not much more then an ongoing
rape.  She had tried to make him change his attitude but in vain.  Only
because of her mother did she stay with him.  Then she found herself to be
pregnant.  Naturally she assumed this would soften him up but the contrary
was the case.  He was sure of her now and more than once did he hit her,
not bad at first but the day came when she cooked a dish he didn't like. 
That night he beat her so bad she miscarried.  That was the beginning of
the end.  Even thou Aydan was responsible for it, he blamed Celine and
mistreated her more often, till the day came she could take no more and
fled.  'Oh God, my throat hurts from all the talk and smoke.' she said
finally.  'I'm afraid I smoked up all your cigarettes.' 'Don't worry about
that.  I'll go get some more.  Why don't you take a bath till I'm back?'
'That would be wonderful.  Can you imagine that idiot forbade me to use the
tub?  He said a shower once a week is all a I need!  And the clothes he
bought me!  All cheap plastic stuff...' I asked her if I should buy her the
VS120 she used to smoke in high school but she said she'd rather have some
Reds 100.  That was the brand her husband had smoked and the ones she had
been snatching from him behind his back.  Her hate for him did not extend
to them.

   When I came back with two cartons of Reds Super Long, I heard her
singing in the bath.  I changed the bedclothes and arranged the coach for
me.  She came out of the bath, her face hot and gleaming.  The bruises she
bore looked even worse now but still underneath the old Celine from our
teenage years shone thru.  She had lost the slight slouch and the attitude
of a hunted deer from before.  Only her eyes still showed the ordeal she
had been thru. 'I don't know how to thank you, my dear little Georgie.  For
the first time in two years I'm beginning to feel human again.' she said
after giving me peck on my cheek.  Her musky smell overwhelmed me.  I was
far from arousal as the horror she had gone thru forbade that.  Yet it was
Celine, my Celine, and for the first time I got a faint notion of what the
bond between as that would hold all our lives.  'You know you can ask me
anything anytime, Celine.  You are an "old friend".  You know, like in
"Noble House".' I alluded to a novel we both had immensely enjoyed years
before, where the author explained the meaning of old friends in the
Chinese sense of the word.  She laughed heartily and gave me another peck
and a sisterly hug.  A sweet musky smell rose from under my old bathrobe
she had taken on after her bath.  No other woman I had met had smelt like
Celine.  It was the smell of my childhood yet more intense and womanly.
'What would I do without you?  Hey, you've bought quite a supply here.  God
old Georgie.  I really am abusing your hospitality.' and after a pause she
made to light up: 'And you have to sleep on the couch.  Why don't I sleep
here?' 'Mainly because I don't want to wake you up when I go to work.' 'I
really don't deserve this.' She sighed deeply and took a long hit on her
cigarette, holding the smoke down interminably.  When she finally exhaled,
there was no visible smoke on her breath, like her body had absorbed it
all. I was tempted to kiss her hard on her lips, but I knew that if there
was the slightest chance I was to achieve anything I would need all the
patience I could bring up.  She rose and stretched with a yarn.  'This will
be the first night in two years I won't have to fear his foul breath and
his hard stick rasping in me like sandpaper.' She wiped away a single tear
from the corner of her eye.

   I woke up early even thou I still had two hours till my father needed me
at the shop.  After a slice of bread with a bit of cheese and a cup of
instant coffee, my usual morning routine, I cleaned up and went to see
after Celine.  I hadn't heard anything thru the night, but as I have a very
sound sleep, that didn't mean much.  On my toes I carefully opened the door
to the bedroom.  It smelt of stale smoke and I saw four or five buts in the
ashtray near the bed.  Obviously she had had hard night.  She turned around
and I could see dark shadows under her eyes.  Her eyelids fluttered and she
opened her eyes.  With a slurred voice she said: 'Good Morning, Georgie.'
she slapped her mouth in mock embarrassment.  'I really should be ashamed
of me.  Look what I did to your neat little apartment!  It will take weeks
till the smell is gone.' then, more seriously, she added: 'I fear it will
take some time till I'll be able to sleep soundly like before.  I wake up
in the middle of the night because I dream he reaches for me.  I'm so
scared it takes a cigarette or two to steady me down again.  Then I slowly
drift away and again the nightmare comes back.' She looked deeply into my
eyes and asked: 'Do you mind if I ask you a favor?  I know I need to clean
up and brush my teeth, but please could you come over and hold me for a
while?' Her words wormed my heart.  That after what she had been thru she
still felt like being touched by any man was more than I had hoped.  I did
not expect anything to come out of this but it was a good sign at least. 
She lifted the blanket and carefully I slid down into the bed beside her.
The odors of her body were overwhelming.  The musky perfume of her skin was
tenfold stronger now and mixed with the stale smoke around her and the
tarry residues on her breath.  Involuntarily my little friend showed flag.
Celine started to cover my face with little kisses. 'God, you smell so
fresh and clean!  Can you hold your breath for a while till I'm finished?'
As an answer I pressed my lips on hers.  She was reluctant at first but
than she gave way and we kissed softly and gently with subdued passion. She
tugged at my shorts and soon we were engaged in a slow and tender embrace.
I felt her slowly get moist, than wet and what had started as a careful
explorative attempt now turned into a passionate embrace.  I felt how her
arousal slowly built up till her moans grew louder and culminated in a
series of little shrieks.  Soon after I felt my own climax setting in and I
withdrew, afraid not to leave her pregnant. Realizing what I had done she
gave another soft kiss, her lips parted just a little so that the tips of
our tongues could touch. 'Why didn't we give it a try when we had the
chance to?  I should have been more selfish.  It's so heavenly good with
you!' then she started to sob softly.  I rocked her gently till she calmed
down a bit and her shoulders stopped shaking.  I had no answers for her.

   The next night and the nights to come we spent together in my bed.  I
never pressed myself on her and there were nights I would just hold her in
my arms and in others we would make love.  We never reached the intensity
of our first night but she bloomed up under my careful lead.  In the two
years in prep school I had time to learn from many girls.  None of them had
meant even a fraction of what Celine meant to me but at least I had learned
a lot about feminine sexuality.  After two weeks we had spent like that, I
was starting to hope this could be the beginning of something.  Living
together with Celine turned out to be just what I had missed.  Except for
her excessive smoking that had increased from one carton in the first week
to twice as much in the second with a couple of cigarettes during the night
and two or three in bed before she fully opened her eyes, she was the
perfect companion.  She was a very good cook and even thou I had myself
learned to cover my modest needs and could get together a quite
satisfactory meal any time, her expertise in using all sorts of exotic
seasonings dwarfed my pride in my modest capacities.  Her presence filled
me with joy and I said to myself if I could bring her to moderate her
smoking a little there was nothing more I could hope for in my life.  I
loved to watch her smoke and I loved the way it made her smell and how her
lips tasted from it, but I feared a little for her health.

   My timid hopes were shattered one evening when she said she had to talk
to me. 'Look Georgie,' she began and her tone didn't sound of good news. 
'We have gone too far already.  I can feel you grow hopes I cannot fulfill.
I have abused your good will and your pocket too.  Yesterday I have talked
to an aunt of mine and she's prepared to help me.  She also told me that my
mother is not ill at all.  My aunt, her sister, told me my mother had been
blackmailing the whole family even as a kid with faked heart conditions and
still does that with my poor father, but she is in truth strong as an ox.'
She dragged furiously on her cigarette and went on. 'So my aunt wants to
make up for what my own parents didn't do.  She will pay for my college. 
You see Georgie, I'm not prepared to become a housewife.  I want to know
what's in me and be my own master.' As she saw the darkness descend on my
face, her eyes turned wet. 'Poor little Georgie.' she said with a voice
hoarse from emotion and excessive smoking as she had dragged continuously
on one cigarette after the other without a breath of clean air.  'I know
you cannot forgive me.  After all you did for me I'm disappointing you
again.  But please understand, I can't be for you what you want me to. 
I've been oppressed all my life.  Now finally I've got the chance to stand
on my own feet.  I won't ever forget what you did for me, but there's a new
life out there that's waiting for me.  Good Bye' After a last long kiss,
she took the bag she had already packed and went.

   My father noticed that I had changed but like the first time instead of
trying to make me talk when I wouldn't, he did the only thing he hoped
would help me.  One night after he had closed the shop he took me to his
office. 'Listen son, I can see you'll never be a passionate shop owner like
I am.  I have contemplated what I'm going to tell you now for quite a while
but I wasn't sure it will be the right thing till recently.  Now that I see
the future belongs to things I do not understand, I'm forced to admit my
time is over.  You can't teach an old dog new tricks.  I have on offer to
sell out to a big chain of retail stores.  As much as I hate those kind of
supermarket like stores with cheap merchandise and underpaid and under
qualified employees, I realize the future belongs to them.' In my pain the
full extent of his words took some time to travel from my ears to my brain,
but slowly I began to realize where he drove at. 'They pay me more than
enough to allow for a retirement in Florida for us and college for you. 
What do you think, do you want to give it another try?' I hadn't thought of
it, not lately anyway, but now I began to wake up.  Prep school had helped
me overcome that first wound Celine had inflicted on my soul.  The same
trick could work again. Of course I had to accept one of the minor
colleges, in the wild as I called it, somewhere in the Midwest.  But, as my
father used to say, some of the best heads in new technologies had emerged
from these obscure colleges.  MIT or UCLA may have the best reputation but
many of the founders of Fairchild, Intel and others had come from the
Midwest.  I helped my parents move to Florida and emptied my own apartment.
With two bags and a backpack I left my little hometown in Maine never to
return.