Little Mouse {Redman} {MF sci-fi religion}
(c) December 2000
Comments welcomed at redman@seductive.com
ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/Redman/


Little Mouse
by Redman


My name is Simon and I am one of the Chosen of God. 
There are not many of us. We are different from other 
people. God has touched our minds, opening them to see 
deeper into this reality. This heightened perception 
is the mark of God on our lives.

It is the chosen ones whose minds have been opened 
that are capable of receiving the gift. The gift 
changes our bodies and our brains, making it possible 
for us to experience God directly. The passing on of 
the gift is the purpose of my life.

*****

I noticed her right off, of course, the little sister 
that was checking out my groceries. She was trying to 
pass for one of them. She was an ugly little thing and 
tried hard to be uglier so no one would notice. 
Probably quiet as a mouse, I'm sure. She couldn't have 
many friends, not if she was trying to pass. Too many 
secrets to keep, eh little sister?

But I could see the way her hands passed over the 
items I had chosen. The food was nothing, only a few 
lingering memories, mere shadows. But the rat poison, 
that was very strong and it jolted her the moment she 
touched it. I knew what she was seeing. He was a large 
black man and he was convulsing, his tongue thick and 
black coming out of his mouth. If little sister were 
sensitive enough, she would also feel the thoughts of 
the woman who had fed it to him. It was her guilt that 
was in the poison. No doubt she helped to make it in 
some plant far away, but her guilt of how she killed 
that man stayed with the poison she made.

And little sister saw it too. That's how I knew for 
sure. She was short with stringy brown hair and a very 
plain, pale face. She looked away from the container 
of poison and then wiped her hands on her dirty smock 
as though to wipe away the unclean memories associated 
with it. Her smock looked like she wiped her hands 
often during the day. This must be a tough job for a 
sister trying to pass -- handling so many items that 
had been touched by so many people.

When she looked up at me, she saw the recognition in 
my eyes. Oh yes, she was a sensitive one, though 
apparently completely untrained. She blushed and, like 
a little frightened mouse, looked around for a place 
to bolt.

There was no one close enough to listen. "It's okay, 
little sister. The man is far away and long dead now. 
He can't hurt you and neither will I."

I tried to say it calmly, reassuringly, as I paid her 
my money. Giving me change gave her something to do, 
kept her hands busy and her mind away from panic. As 
she counted out my change into my palm, I closed my 
eyes and channeled the power through my fingers. As 
she finished counting, a spark of God passed between 
us, illuminating for just a moment our gift for her.

She gasped and caught her breath -- poor thing. It was 
a strong thing for me to do, surrounded by them as we 
were. I hadn't even thought about doing it, it was 
just something that happened. I had no more control of 
it than any other thing I was called to do.

While little sister tried to cope with the unexpected 
overload of the spark, I finished sacking the 
groceries. When I could tell she was almost recovered, 
I wheeled my basket slowly out the door, making sure 
she could still see me as I moved out into the parking 
lot.

"Wait! Mister," I heard her call out loudly just in 
case anyone wondered why she followed me. "You forgot 
your receipt."

Of course I had forgotten it. How else could I get her 
to follow me outside?

"Who are you?" she whispered harshly from five feet 
away, wary of coming any closer.

"Just one of your brothers from afar, sister. One who 
sees the same things you do."

"What things?" she asked testing me.

I took a step closer and tried to imagine what this 
little untrained sister would be seeing as she tried 
to live in their world, as she tried to pass for one 
of them.

"When the wind is right," I began softly, "I see the 
dead walking among them. I see their thoughts and 
their memories on the things they've recently touched. 
At times I see the way the world used to be and at 
other times I see the way the world will soon be. In 
short, little sister, I see whatever God reveals to me 
just as you do."

She took a step back and there was fear in her eyes, 
but also a little relief. What was she thinking all 
this time, that she was crazy and all the things she 
saw and felt were dementia? 

"I have a gift for you, little sister. If you want to 
know more, if you want to come to understand the 
things you see, meet me back here at midnight. Once 
you understand the ways of God, the things you see 
can't hurt you anymore."

"But ... but I'm a Christian!" she exclaimed louder 
than she should -- as though that somehow denied 
everything that she had ever seen or everything that
I had just said.

"So be a Christian, little sister. The gift and the 
knowledge have nothing to do with that. Many of the 
brothers and the sisters are. The gift of God that 
I have to give you will not deny your Christ."

She was completely taken aback by that, as I knew she 
would be. So many new ones associated the gift with 
the concept of religion that it was a common error.

"Just be here at midnight, little sister. I'll show 
you how to take away your fears. Now you'd better get 
back in there. They might be missing their little 
mouse."

Again she blushed, but turned and walked swiftly back 
inside. Before she entered though, I saw her turn and 
nod to me with a resolute expression. She had made up 
her mind already. She would be here at midnight.

I ate and rested in the little motel room. It had been 
more than two days since I had eaten, so my body was 
hungry. I was glad that I had a chance to feed it 
before I would have to show the little sister our 
ways. 

As I closed my eyes and lay back on the bed, I could 
still feel the pull of the Journey leading me away, 
but the urgency of it had eased somewhat. Perhaps I 
would be allowed to stay a while longer here for the 
sake of the sister. In any case, all would be revealed 
later. I closed my eyes and almost immediately began 
to dream of God.

I woke before midnight with time enough to clean up 
and change clothes. I ate a small bit more and then 
walked the few blocks to the parking lot. I had 
arrived before her so I sat away from the parking lot 
lights in the shadows and meditated on the near 
future. I received a vague revelation that all would 
be fine. There was some pain to be overcome, some 
distrust. This was normal for such an encounter. 
Because I had wandered much since I was chosen, I had 
experienced many of these first encounters.  God's 
people are spread out everywhere. I don't know why or 
for what purpose. We must act on what has been 
revealed to us so far. To do less is to deny the 
existence of God and that is impossibility for me.

Little sister pulled up in an old, beat up Plymouth 
Duster. At first she looked around the parking lot, 
but then she eventually saw me in the shadows on the 
fringe. I saw her try to decide whether to pull out of 
the floodlights in the parking lot and into the 
shadows. It didn't matter to me. I had already seen 
that we would not be interrupted. There was only one 
other person in the parking lot with us and he was one 
of the dead. He would not be bothering us.

She pulled a little closer and I stepped out into the 
light, crossing to her passenger door. As she stopped 
her car, I opened it and slid slowly into the seat, 
moving carefully so as not to scare the little mouse.

"Thank you for coming, little sister. I know you'll be 
glad that you did."

"I started not to come," she said warily. She didn't 
try to hide the can of mace in her hand that was 
pointed at me. 

"I understand, little sister, but you really had no 
choice. I can see that God has His finger on you and 
we must all do His will."

"Do you know the will of God that you should speak of 
it so freely? Does God talk with you directly?" she 
asked harshly, yet with a little fear of what answer 
she would receive.

"I only know what He chooses to reveal to me, little 
sister. Once I pass along the gift to you, you'll 
understand more of what I see and know. It will take a 
while for you to assimilate the gift, but with 
revelation comes clarity. Tonight at least, I can take 
away your fears and give you direction."

"Look, I don't know you," she said, raising her voice 
and holding the can between us. "I didn't say I wanted 
any gift from you and I still don't know where you're 
coming from."

"I understand, little sister, but I don't threaten 
you. I would give my life willingly before I allowed 
you to come to harm. I know that you have lived in 
pain and fear, sister. Without the gift, we feel 
separated from God. That is why I have been led here, 
to share with you your inheritance. It's yours to take 
or deny. No one will force it on you."

She looked at me, a scared ugly little mouse on the 
outside. But even through the shadows in her car, I 
could see into her heart. On the inside, she was just 
a sweet, confused little girl who had lived through a 
lot of pain so far. She deserved to know the truth. 
She deserved to live without fear.

Eventually, the can wavered and lowered. "Use your 
eyes on me, sister. In the past, you could see the 
evil in people. If you looked closely, you could see 
the violence and the fear in them. I know you don't 
like to look. It's scary looking into someone's soul 
and I'm sure you've seen enough evil that you've 
learned how to shield it from your eyes by now. But, 
look into mine. Use the eyes that God has given you to 
see if there is any evil in me. You won't be hurt by 
what you see, I promise you."

I knew I was asking a lot of the little mouse. Looking 
into the soul of a stranger is one of the scariest 
things to do. There can be great evil there and if one 
is not careful, the evil can overcome the one who 
looks. Still, if she had the courage, it was the only 
way for her to really see that I meant her no harm.

It's not easy to have your soul looked into, either. 
Even now it makes me uncomfortable, and I've lived 
longer with the gift than anyone I've ever met. I know 
I only look like I'm in my third decade, but that was 
only when the gift was shared with me. That was more 
than one hundred and fifty years ago.

I couldn't help myself, but as she was looking into me 
I caught a glimpse of her soul as well. Normally one 
refrains unless one is invited, but little sister 
didn't know the ways. As she was looking into me she 
was exposing herself without realizing it. She was 
full of fear and pain. I had seen people when they 
come to receive revelation that had more pain than she 
did, but not many. It had been a long time since I had 
seen such fear.

But there was also courage and strength. But that goes 
without saying. If she didn't have courage, her fear 
would have overwhelmed her by now. Her fear and her 
pain had made her stronger. And now, I had been sent 
to help her.

Something in what she saw convinced her. Her arms fell 
to her lap and she began to weep. They were the tears 
of the exhausted. It was the sobbing of one who had 
endured much, had struggled much all alone and finally 
found out that they were not alone.

I gathered little sister into my arms and let her cry 
against my chest. She blubbered most unflatteringly, 
but it didn't matter. She was an ugly little thing on 
the outside, but I had glimpsed her soul and seen that 
she was one of the chosen. That made her beautiful; 
that made her precious.

As I held her, I felt the sexual tension between us 
start to mount. I was expecting it, but for her it 
came as a shock. The hearts of the chosen are tuned in 
such a way that our bodies and minds are instinctively 
attracted toward one another. That's another way I had 
known she was chosen. The attraction my body had felt 
for this little mouse had told me so.

I could tell that she was no virgin. When I had 
glimpsed her pain, I had seen that some of it came 
from there. Without revelation, seeking love and 
acceptance, she had reached out to those around her. 
But they had been incapable of giving her what she 
needed. Instead, she had received pain instead of 
pleasure, rejection instead of acceptance.

I could feel her body starting to respond to mine as 
I held her against me. I felt a little shiver run 
through her back, whether that of pleasure or fear, 
I couldn't tell. But then she turned her little chubby 
face up at me and her eyes were glistening with her 
tears and her mouth was slightly parted.

I bent down and kissed her gently, my tongue lightly 
sliding into her mouth until it met her own. She had 
sharp, crooked teeth in the front and I could tell 
that she wasn't used to being kissed. She was such a 
timid thing. Her tongue came forward, brushed mine, 
and then drew back demurely. I stroked her face with 
my hand, calming the little mouse that was inside her, 
making her feel safe and loved.

When my hand started to unbutton her shirt, she 
started to panic again. I put my hand on the inside 
and rubbed her soft, round belly, calming her until 
she was ready for me to unbutton her pants. She was so 
fearful, so coy, but my composure and perseverance 
overcame her fear.

I know she was feeling overwhelmed. Just being in 
physical contact with another chosen one can be a 
little overwhelming and I have had much experience. 
Her little breasts felt fat and swollen in my hand. 
When I gently squeezed them she sighed deeply. The 
nipples felt hard as diamonds against my palms. When 
together we pulled down her pants, the interior of the 
car flooded with the smell of her sex. I instinctively 
reached down to finger her, but she shivered so 
wonderfully that I knew she was too close to orgasm. 
It would be better for her to wait until she received 
the gift.

I pulled down my own trousers and her soft hand 
immediately went to my penis. It's slender and a 
little longer than most, but size is such a minor 
thing to us. She smiled when she saw it; it was not 
intimidating to her at all. I could see behind the shy 
smile that someone with a large penis had hurt her 
very badly. Soon, little sister. Soon all the hurt 
will be gone.

She wiggled her chubby bottom closer to me and lay 
back with her head almost hitting the steering wheel. 
It's a good thing the Duster didn't have bucket seats 
because the back seat was even smaller.

As I lined myself up between her legs, I looked down 
into little sister's eyes. She was overcome with lust, 
the power of it coursing through her veins. It was 
almost a shame that she seemed oblivious to the coming 
of the gift. I wanted to shake her and make her see 
what was about to happen, but I knew this was our way. 
God gives us this lust because the reality can be so 
overwhelming. The reality of the gift.

As my penis slid into little sister, I saw her body 
shake with the physical sensation of pleasure. But as 
our bellies came together, I felt the gift stir within 
me. The tendrils came out through my navel, weaving 
and dancing as they stroked her bellybutton, 
anesthetizing it with the enzymes for insertion. I saw 
her eyes fly open as the pressure of the penetration 
of the tendrils increased until they had broken 
through, then again as they began to fill her body 
cavity, seeking her spinal cord.

Little sister tried to struggle just a bit, but it was 
of no use. I held her in my arms and tried to calm 
her. As the tendrils reached her spine and began to 
fuse us together, I saw in her eyes the recognition of 
one self being confronted with another in perfect 
intimacy.

This is the gift of God that I have to give. When one 
of the chosen has the gift, the tendrils can connect 
two separate beings until they can experience each 
other directly. It is in the sharing of each other 
that we experience God directly. The gift ties our 
central nervous systems together until we can 
experience each other's identity in perfect intimacy. 
Perfect intimacy requires perfect communication and 
such is the nature of the gift.

When the tendrils from my body linked my spinal column 
with hers, our brains quit processing sensory 
perceptions for a time. Through the gift our thoughts 
became synchronized and suddenly we were in direct 
connection, her identity to mine. I began 
instinctively battering down the barriers of fear and 
mistrust that her psyche threw up. I flooded through 
the memories of pain and loneliness. I raced towards 
the core of her being, towards the place in the center 
of her mind where even she feared to go. As I flooded 
into her, for a moment in time, we fused together. 
Little sister and I became one, united in perfect 
intimacy. There, at the core of her being, we became 
I and together I confronted God.


*****


I came back to my senses before she did. The tendrils 
had retracted and I looked at her navel. The narrow 
slits cut by the tendrils were healing quickly thanks 
to the enzymes, and there was very little blood. 

I pulled myself off of her body and mopped up our 
orgasmic fluids from my penis and from her vagina with 
a cloth that I had brought for this purpose. 
Integration always causes the body to respond in 
orgasm. It's one of the many things that helps to 
bring unity and resolution to the coupling of the 
chosen.

I knew the gift was even now growing in her belly. 
Soon she would have her own tendrils. By the time I 
leave, she will be able to experience my thoughts as 
directly as I had experienced hers. She will know what 
it's like to live as I have lived and will see every 
encounter that I have had with all our sisters and 
through them all our brothers as well.

We are the chosen who have confronted God, and now she 
was truly one of us.