Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 I need a break.  Not from writing so much as what I've been writing.  So,
here's a romantic boy/boy relationship, but I warn you.  It's, long, slow,
and there's not a whole lot of sex.  This one's mostly for me.

   Ollie {bb NS Love Gays Boys Hand Kiss.}

   "Huh?" I looked down from the TV.  Just cartoons, I was watching it
until I felt his hand on mine.  Just in my lap, it didn't look like he was
really watching it.  "What're you," he looked down, "Thinking about?" His
thumb stopped rubbing the soft spot between mine, and the side of my hand.

   "Oh," he moved his hand away, "I don't know, nothing." I think he was
lying, but I just watched the rest of the cartoon.  Don't remember what
one, but we like the Avengers.  He daydreams a lot, but my favorite is
Captain America, while he likes Thor.  It's funny, cause when it's over,
and we go out to play, it's usually the other way around, but he does a
better Captain America, or he throws the shield I made him better, and I
just have to point the hammer at the sky.

   There pretty much the same, or a lot alike.  They both throw things, but
I think Captain America is a nicer guy, and his real name is Steve too. 
Just like my friend Steve, I think they look a lot alike too.  He doesn't
like girls, they're "Stupid," and he hates when his parents make him play
with his sister.  She doesn't have another one to play with, but she just
wants to play dolls.

   I didn't touch his hand again, for a while after that, but I kept
remembering it.  How he rubbed the side with his thumb, and sometimes I
fell asleep, holding my hands together.  His knuckles brushed my arm
sometimes, and I got so excited, I could hear my heartbeat, but we're just
standing next to eachother.

   "Steve?" He looked over, "Are you gay?" I heard about it, always.  I
knew it was bad, but I had to ask a teacher.  "What's a faggot mean?" He
said it was a bad word, and I knew that, but he told me they're sinful men,
that committed debaucheries with eachother.  "Sin," he told me.  That's
what it ment.

   He turned away, "Yeah," but he said "I have a boyfriend," that broke my
heart.  I wanted to be his boyfriend, I started crying, because I knew I
was gay too, but if I could have him, it would be all right.

   "Me too." It got awkward, so we went out to play.  Then later, not that
afternoon, I don't think it was a month, but a little later.  They were
older kids, bigger, and they started bullying us.  I didn't think about it,
hiding behind him because he's taller, but I grabbed his hand, and held it.
Huh!  One of the boys saw it, and called us "Little fairies," and then they
beat us up.  I couldn't stop crying until he held me in his lap, and that
was the best feeling.  His arms around me, so I pretended to cry some more,
so he wouldn't let go.

   We didn't have any other friends.  Even our brothers and sisters, I knew
we're different, felt as different as a girl from the other boys, but I
didn't know how.  "Thanks, Steve," I ment I love you, that's what I wanted
to tell him, but I was scared.  It would make him mad, like any boy.  I
knew he was different too, why we're friends, but I was scared he wasn't
the same way.  He didn't like me that way.  I was afraid he wouldn't love
me back, and he wouldn't want to be friends with me any more, because I was
gay, and falling in love with him.

   So, we got up, and played, then we went home and I daydreamed about him
holding my hands, hugging me until I didn't feel like crying any more, and
stop shaking.  But I didn't, I cried myself to sleep, and had nightmares
about the other boys.  Taking him away, calling me baby for crying, and fag
for how I feel about him.  But he's my whole world, when he's gone I can't
stop thinking about him.  Not playing with him, just being there, close
enough to feel how warm his body is, hearing him breathe, holding his hand,
and his thumb, petting the back of it.  "Hn!"

   Then I woke up.  I had to pee, but it was too hard, and just touching
it. Well, I stopped imagining him touching my hand.  I sat on the toilet,
rubbing my leg until I could pee, but I didn't think about my hand.  I
imagined him, just touching it, pretending to watch TV, but his thumb
moving, rubbing it, and it finally tinkled out.  I couldn't wait to see
him, kept thinking about all the ways I can tell him, but then he pulled up
his bike, and "Hn!" It wouldn't come out.  I just stood there, biting my
lip, and holding my hands in front of me.  My thumbs absently rubbing
eachother, like they had minds of his own.

   I didn't say anything, so I grabbed my bike, and followed him.  We
started playfighting, just sticks, but I found a good one that curved back
like a saber, and springy, so it bent instead of hurting him.  We mostly
just whacked them together, until the bark came off, and said swordfighting
stuff.  "Huha!" We didn't want to hurt eachother for real, neither really
the badguy.  We believed in goodguys, wanted to be them, but the good guys
don't fight eachother, that's bad.  So, sometimes one of us was the badguy,
or there wasn't any goodguy/badguy, just playing around.  There wasn't
always a story.

   Steve {bb...}

   I didn't want to, because he was my friend, Oliver.  The other boys, I
don't guess I cared about them, they're like girls, or bad guys.  They
didn't stop, being mean, ganging up on us after school, and calling us
names until he cried.  He's a sensitive boy, nothing wrong with crying, but
I knew when I held him like that I couldn't.

   I wanted to tell him, I'm a badguy.  Yeah, I didn't know, but I should
of.  He was to old, and I didn't really like the way he wanted to play with
me, but I did what he told me, I found other boys for him to play with, and
I guess I hoped it would make him stop.  I knew, I could tell, and they
would make him stop, but I was scared of that too.  Telling people what he
did to me, and what I did.  All those other boys, but I knew when he looked
at him, waiting for me to get dropped off.

   "Who's he?"

   "Noone," he saw us together.

   "He's cute." I was so mad, but I just told him to drive around the
corner, and let me out.

   I didn't care about those other boys, but I broke up with him, because I
didn't want him looking at Oliver likeat.  Even thinking about him, because
I knew what he was thinking about, and I cared about Oliver.  So, I told
him, I'm done, and unless he wants to give up the other boys, and start
playing with the big niggers in prison.  I'm not racist, but he's afraid of
black guys, and I had to think of something.

   "But if you ever even think of him, I'll tell, and that'll be all over."
Then I got out, he never even called me again, I hope he forgot me, but I
was crying before I made it around the corner.  I felt so bad, especially
about lying to him, not telling him how bad I was.  I knew he loved me, I
always knew he always loved me, thought it was like my brother, we never
even held hands, but the way he looks in my eyes, his smile, and he sighs.
I knew, but the shame was just too much, and I cared too much to lie to
him, but I couldn't tell him, it was just too shameful.

   I couldn't tell anybody, for years, but with him, I wasn't scared that
he'd be disgusted.  I was scared he'd find out, I'm not Captain America,
I'm not a hero, and that would break his heart.  I was scared he would cry,
and this time I wouldn't be able to hold him, wipe away his tears and make
him feel better.  Because it would be my fault, I would make him cry, and
he would never stop.  Most of all, I was afraid of losing him.

   Ollie (bb...)

   My heart soared when he said his boyfriend broke up with him.  He was
crying, so I hugged him, and comforted him, but really when I was saying
"I'm so sorry, that's too bad," I was happy.  I could hold him, and wipe
away his tears, he sniffed, but that's when I kissed him.  A little boy
kiss, just held my lips on his, but he closed his eyes, and sighed.  Me
too, it was so wonderful, the most wonderful kiss ever.  I think people get
all fancy, with their tongues, and turning back and forth when the passion
goes away.

   I just felt his lips on mine, and felt his breath come out of his nose.
We sat there forever, felt like, just holding still, but I rubbed his wet
cheeks with my thumbs, and he held my arms.  Yeah, we're kissing, but
that's what I felt, was always aware of, his arms around me, holding me,
until he had to let go.  I felt a little heartbreak, every time.

   He had to go home, and it was getting late, but I started crying on the
way back, because he was gone, not holding and kissing me any more, and he
wouldn't all night.  I'd see him tomorrow, but that felt like even more
forever than him just holding me, and breathing on eachother's faces.

   "Huh!" Forever never lasts long enough.

   The next time we kissed was different.  There was no crying, we just
played, and wrestled until we got tired, and sat down.  Together, he hugged
my shoulders, and I just lay my head against him until I caught my breath.
"Huh!" I know he's not Captain America, he looks more like before, he went
in the Vita-ray thing, and got all.  "Huh!" When the doors open, and all
the steam lets out, and he looks all shiny and new?  No, back then he was
skinny, and really really pale, but I looked down, saw his hand on his lap,
and reach over, to touch it.

   He almost knocked me off the log, but said, "Sorry," and rubbed my hand,
"Just surprised me a little.  I nodded, and closed my eyes, then I felt his
lips again.  And for a moment, it felt like that endless kiss we had the
first time, but it started going away, so I rubbed his hand in his lap, and
we tried some of the other stuff.  You know, like opening our mouths, and
touching tongues, the kind of stuff that's supposed to make it better, but
it really didn't.  I wondered what was different, why the first time just
his lips and arms were enough for hours, but this time, well we caught our
breaths, and rode our bikes down to the creek.

   It was hot, and you can't really swim in it, but we wore our trunks
because it was summer, and it was hot.  So, we didn't get naked, but he
took off his shirt, and he didn't look like Captain America, but I loved to
see his chest, and his back, and his flat tummy, and the shallow little
hole he had his belly button in.  I wanted to touch him, kiss him, and feel
his naked body against mine, but he kicked the water, and laughed, so I
took my shirt and shoes off too.  It cooled us off a lot, and it was just
like we played together last summer, before we started falling in love.

   Then he got real serious, sat down to wait for our trunks to dry, and he
told me.  "I didn't have a boyfriend." He sighed, "I used to know this man,
or I met him, and he gave he a ride, but." He started to cry, "He didn't
take me home." I tried to hug him, but he pushed me off.  "He touched me,
and he made me do, things.  I didn't want to do, but I Nhmhm!  Huh!" He
sniffed, and wiped his face, "I broke up with him, the first time he looked
at you."

   "Why?" I didn't understand it, and I was crying too, because it was
heartbreaking.  But then,

   "Huh!" He rubbed his dry arms.  "Because," he looked away, and kind of
mumbled.  "I.  Love you," he looked back.

   "Oh!" I jumped on him, "I love you so much!" and kissed him all over his
face until he laughed, and pushed me off.  So, we tickled eachother for a
while, but he got me down, and laughing so hard it didn't make a sound. 
Just panting, but he stopped, and kissed me.  "Hm!" I bit my lip.  Yeah,
that felt more like the first time.  And he held me, half naked, probably
shriveled up to wrincles in our wet trunks, but I felt all over his body.
His pale skin, and freckles, his ribs, and where he's got more skin, or
that's what I thought in front.  Not really muscle yet, but thick enough to
cover his ribs some.

   He kissed me, but just held my lips under his, and breathed on my cheek,
and rubbed up and down my tummy.  Like his thumb, but with his whole hand,
up, and down, back and forth when I breathed in, and blew out on his
cheeks. I don't know how long, but our trunks were mostly dry, except under
my butt, and on his side, where he was sitting on it.  But, we could put
our shirts back on, and ride our bikes home.

   I missed him, but it didn't hurt as much.  He told me, he loves me, and
he knows I love him too.  I just fell asleep, satisfied, rubbing my tummy
with my hands, feeling it go up, and down when I breathe.  Remembering his
lips, and the smell of his face in every breath.  And how he felt, the long
tight skin, his ribs, the broad flat bones in his back, and his arms around
me.  I never slept so good in my life, and I know I kept dreaming about
him, all night.  Steve, it's just Steve, but it's my favorite name now.  I
love the way it sounds, I whisper it to myself, and most of all I love how
just hearing it makes his smile come into my eyes, his smell almost in my
nose, and how warm I feel in his arms.

   "Hm, Steve."

   Steve {Bb Sibs NS}

   "Stevie!" He shook me, and I blinked.  Took a breath, but my throat felt
sore, and was I crying?  "It's just a nitemare." my big brother went back
to bed.

   I don't remember it, but I had an idea.  "Nh!" I curled up, and hugged
my pillow, I wished Ollie was there, but I got up, and went over to his
bed. I don't care, it's not him, but he loves me, he's my brother.  I just
wanted him to hold me, again.

   "It's okay," he rubbed down my hair, "Go back to sleep." I tried, but.
"Huh!" He breathed on my hair,

   and "Nh!" I remember His hand on my leg, "Mh?" His breath, the smoke,
and alcohol, how that made my head feel, and getting sleepy.

   So sleepy, "Yeah," he rubbed my hip, "Just take a little nap."

   "Damn it Stevie!" I wet the bed.

   "I'm sorry!" It was morning anyway, but he went in the bathroom, so I
made it for him.  I'm really sorry, I didn't do that for, weeks at least, I
thought it was over, but I cried the whole time.

   He came out in a towel.  "Oh," he hugged me, "I'm sorry I yelled.  The
bed looks great," he kissed my head.  "Thanks."

   It wasn't the same, he wasn't Ollie, but I sniffed and stopped crying.
"I'm sorry too."

   "It's okay," he let me go, "I know you didn't mean to." He looked down,
"Are you all right?"

   "Yeah," I took off my wet pajamas, and the underwear stuck to me, "You
leave any hot water?"

   He handed me the towel, and sat on his bed with some underwear.  "Huh?"
He looked up, halfway up his leg.  "Yeah, there should be plenty." I saw
it, he's older, and he doesn't have the skin on the end either.  His voice
is cracking, but he still doesn't have any hairs yet.  I hear you're
supposed to get hairy when you grow up, but all I could think about is the
skin on the end, and wonder if Ollie has it or not?  I saw it, of course.
He showed me, in some magazines, but that's when it's supposed to start
growing.

   Ollie's gonna start growing too, you know.  I hope he grows a lot of
hairs.  And not shave it, well maybe not a beard, wonder what he'll look
like with a mustache?  I giggle.  And what's it feel like, being hairy? 
I'm not hairy at all, but I hope I am, when I grow up.  I wanna be hairy,
but between both of us, I'm sure one of will grow some.  I want a lot.  I
don't even know what he sees in me, I'm so pale, and skinny, and I even
look kinda like a girl.  Ew, I don't want to be a pretty boy, like a girl,
or one of the faggy gays on TV.  I wanna be a man, and I hate how they talk
like girls.  But I'm still a kid, and it'll take forever to turn into a
man.

   At least I don't have to go it alone.

   Ollie {BB...}

   "Steve," he took my hand and held it in both of his.

   "Yeah?"

   "You don't like me touching your leg?" I like touching his legs.

   "Huh!" He sat back, "I like it here," he kissed me quick, "With you,
just the two of us.  But," he squeezed my hand, "Huh!  When you touch me
likeat, uh," He started crying again.  He won't tell me his name, he never
says it, that I heard, and he would tell me if he could, I'm sure.

   But, "It's because he touched your leg." His eyes were closed.

   He shook his head, "It just reminds me.  Of what he did, after he
touched my leg."

   "It's okay," I don't want to scare him, but I hugged him till he stopped
crying.  Even though I just wanted him to hold my hand again, and maybe
kiss me some more.

   He rubbed my leg, and I'm ticklish there.  So ticklish, it's like the
worst spot, and I thought.  Well, that had to be what it's all about,
right? No, it didn't tickle at all, I shivered a little.

   "Yeah," He pulled my hand off his shoulder, "It's okay," and put it back
on his leg.  I just held it there, like his lips, the best way to kiss. 
But he rubbed the leg of my shorts, with his thumb, the way I always wanted
him to.  "And I, kind of looked at another boy."

   "Steve!"

   "I know, but it wasn't likeat.  My brother, he's older then me."

   "I know," I nodded.  I met him at there house.

   "Well, he was naked, out of the shower, but I saw it.  When he put on
his underwear, and.  Huh!" His chest fell.  "I was just thinking about,
what you might look like, when you're older."

   "I brought some pencils." In case we wanted to write or draw something.
"I thought about it too," him coming out of the Vita-ray pod, all shiny and
new, and.  "Huh!" Wiped my mouth.  "What's it look like?"

   "Are you circumcized?"

   "What's that?" I shook myhead.

   "Well, some boys have, a little skin on the end of their willies." Oh,
"And some boys get theirs cut off, when there babies.  That's called
circumcised."

   Well, "Yeah," I kind of had to pee anyway.  "Uh," I got up, and unzipped
my shorts.  Usually, we turn away, and don't look.  That's what you're
supposed to do, or what they taught us.  But then, they also taught us that
loving each other is evil, and I was starting to wonder what all else they
got wrong.

   "See?" I had to pinch it out, and roll it back.  Like dad showed me, to
clean it, or pee without it getting dirty.  "Hn." I turned, so it didn't
splash up on his legs, and he got got up.  He laughed, but covered his
mouth, when I ran out of pee, and let go so the skin slip it back in.

   "That's neat!" I zipped up my pants, and fixed my underwear.  "You look
a lot like your dad," he sat down, "Is he hairy, at all?"

   So, I sat on his legs, so he'd hold my shoulders.  "A little," I shrug,
"I seen him naked too." I lived with him all my life.  "Well a lot in his
underwear, but not really on his chest.  And he's got like 3 little ones,"
I rubbed his arm, "Right here, under his shoulder." He shaves too, but I
never seen him with a beard.  "Oh, and he had a mustache, in college.  I
can show you the picture later."

   He rubbed my lip, and I bit it a little.  "You'll look good with a
mustache," he nodded.  "I bet." He moved his fingers, but then we hugged
and kissed for a long time, and I tried to imagine him.  Hairy, but he's
got blond hairs, even on his arms, they're so tiny you can barely see them
unless he's got a tan.  But I felt them, saw them shining in the sun over
the freckles, and rubbed them backwards so they'd stand up.  Yeah, I hope
he's hairy too, but I couldn't say it with his lips over mine.  I'll tell
him later, "Hn!"

   Steve {bb...}

   "Yeah?" We just finished cooling off in the creek.

   "You know what," he covered his mouth, "Buttfucker means?" I closed my
eyes, didn't cry, but I wanted to.  I could just nod, and try to swallow.
"I mean I think I get cocksucker, because a cock is like your willie, and I
know what a butt is."

   "Snh!" I wiped my eye, "Yeah." I know what that means, "Uh, fuckin is
when you, put your willy, in." Nh?  Oh man, I really didn't want to cry,
"Nhihih!"

   "Oh," he hugged me.  I was sitting back in his legs, which is why he
probably didn't see all the pain in my face, "I'm sorry?"

   "It hurts," I took a long breath, but it shuddered inside me, "Huh!  He
saidnh.  Snh!  He told me, it wouldn't, not like the first time, and I know
it's supposed to feel good." the men in the movies liked it, "He said "real
good," but I thought.  I didn't know what was wrong with me, why I didn't
like it," and I had to cry a little while more.

   "We need to stop him." He shook his fists, "He's still hurting all those
other boys and it's wrong." He looked at me, "You think we can stop him,
hurting those other boys?"

   "I," shook my head, "I'm not," a hero.  I know, he really liked Captain
America because he's another Steve, and he was falling in love with me, and
I really got into Thor because he's a god, so he had to be more powerful,
but really we stopped playing the Avengers after we said "I love you," and
why can't I stop crying?  "I would have to tell, and I can't." Because I'm
not a hero, I'm not even a badguy, I'm just a coward, and it breaks my
heart even thinking of telling him that.  "Uh!" And i got the hiccups from
crying.

   "It's okay," he hugged me tight, "You don't have to do it, I just
wondered what it means, but now it just sounds gross."

   "Yeah," I nodded into his shirt.  "It's real gross too." I just forgot,
because I was remembering how much it hurt.  "Hk!"

   "Did he threaten you?"

   "I knew it!" We got up, but he laughed.  "I told them your fucking
fairies." All the other kids, the rumor was all over town.

   "Yeah," but there's a bit of a problem.  I pushed him, and Ollie picked
up a stick.  "So?"

   He pushed me down, and he's so much bigger and older, and stronger then
us.  That's the problem, he came out here alone, and he turned his back on
Ollie.  Which is why he didn't see it coming when he swung the stick behind
him, brought it around like a batter, and chopped his legs right behind the
knees.

   "Ah!" He fell on them, and his hands.

   "Don't TOUCH" he broke it over his back, "My boyfriend!" So, he picked
up a rock, and I had to stop him before he threw it down, straight through
the back of his head like I was imagining.

   "Uh!" I still kicked him as hard as I could before I pulled him off.  We
got on our bikes, but he was still crying by the time we got all our stuff,
and rode off.

   Huh, my hiccups went away.  I think when he pushed me down, and I can
just put it all into the pedals so I'm not crying any more, but I was so
mad, I bet we made record time, and it made me think of something.  Yeah,
he's right, we need to stop him, and seeing Donnie like that just made it
undeniable.  I guess if someone wanted to make a cartoon about our origins,
he might be in mine.  I know why he's acting out, and so angry at gays.  I
know what he's been through, I used to hate him.

   But that just made Donny worse.  And maybe it'll make up for what I
done, to all those boys.  I didn't, buttfuck them, but I was just as
responsible, and someone has to save them.  Even if they're just as bad as
Donnie, now I can see that's how bad boys become bad men.  Hard to imagine,
but I bet Mr.  Wallace was a little boy once too.  Someone hurt him, left
him crying, and scared, and nobody was there to make him feel better.  Now
he was like the Master Mold in the X-men cartoon.

   We had to stop him, before he made more.

   Ollie {b...bM NS}

   The problem is we don't have a police.  We got a sherriff's deputy, so
we called him, but he didn't believe me.  Steve just sat there and
listened, on account of he can't talk about it.  Sometimes he nodded,
because that's what he did, but I tried to make my voice sound bigger.

   "I have to report a man, in town, he's," Uh, I had to look it up in the
law, "Contributing to delinquency with kids."

   "How so?"

   "Well," I remember what Steve said, so he doesn't have to say it again,
"He lets them smoke," I knew that was against the law, "And drink, and he
likes to," I looked at Steve, but he closed his eyes, and nodded, "Touch
them."

   "Who is this, Donnie?"

   "No, I," tried to think, "I'm just a concerned citizen, but I have this
friend, and he said he put his willy in his butt." I held him, wiped his
eyes with my thumbs, but he cried quietly.

   "Hh, well I get a lot of calls likeis, and let me tell you that making a
false report is a crime.  You boys might think it's just a prank, but you
haveta understand that such accusations can ruin a man's life."

   Yeah, well the way he hurts them ruins boys' lives, but Steve needed me
right now, so I just hung up, and held him until he stopped crying.  Then
we hugged and kissed until his daddy came home, so I went home.  I didn't
touch his legs, since he was already crying, so he just held my hands in
his lap, and kissed me.

   He called me "My hero," for stopping Donny, and trying to give him the
courage to stop Mr.  Wallace, but he cried the hardest when he told me he
was just a Coward, and felt like a badguy for taking other boys to see him.
A Henchman, and a Minion, for a Villian.  But then he started having
nitemares about him making boys into bad men, like Sentinals, to go find
all the little boys, and make them into bad men.  Molestors, that's what
turned him gay.

   But he didn't.  I never got in his car, or went to his house.  So,
plan-B.  We had to warn all the boys, that he's a sexual predator, and tell
all the boys that there not gay, it's not there fault, he took advantage of
them, and made them think it's their fault.  Just like Steve, and Donny I
guess.

   I guess that's how I got into Batman.  We didn't like the cartoon as
much, because it's dark, and scary, but you know he's a Detective?  That's
what DC stands for, Detective Comics.  Yeah, he's a ninja too.  He just
wears a cape, and a bat-mask to scare criminals, but his real super-power
is his brain, and how he uses it to outsmart criminals like the Joker, and
the Riddler, and Two-Face.  "Huh!" You know, I really like the Villians on
Batman better then the hero?

   "Huh?" So, I gave Steve some homework, to write down all the boys he
knew, played with mister Wallace.  Maybe we could make a petition, and if
all the boys sign it, the deputy will have to believe us.  So, I guessed
that was my assignment, Mom has books on how to write, things like this. 
On account of being a lawyer.  Maybe she'll defend him in court, since
there's not a lot of lawyers around here, but she knows the County
Prosecuter, so maybe she can talk to him, for us.  When we make a case for
it, she told me "You can't go to court without first making a case."

   We used to play Court, or mom played it with us to teach us how it
works. The case of the Stolen Cookies, it's like Church, but you have to
learn a different rite.  But mom can handle that, once we make a case.  She
made cookies for us too, as Evidence, but we got to eat them when the trial
was over.  Spoiler Alert, the cat did it.

   Donnie {Bb NS}

   "Is Donnie home?"

   I went to the door.  "Yeah, right here." I munched on my waffle.  "What
d'you want?" but mom just went back to breakfast.

   "We need to talk," he pulled my arm, upstairs, but went in the wrong
room.  So, I pulled him back to my room, and shut the door.  I knew their
dirty little secret, he was a fairy, him and his little boyfriend Stevie.
And I owed him for hitting me from behind, when I busted them together.  It
was so gross, how they held hands, and kissed by the brook, with their
shirts off, and he sat in his lap.

   "You know mister Wallace?"

   "Yeah," he's cool, "Everone knows mister Wallace." It's a small town,
and he lets us smoke, and bought me cigarettes, and gave me beer when he
turned on the movies.

   "Not me, but Steve, he told me about how you took him over to play with
mister Wallace."

   "Yeah?" I wanted to hit him.

   "Yeah, and it's okay."

   "Don't touch me," I slapped his hands away, "Faggot!"

   "Huh!" He put his hands down.  "What he, did to you.  All you boys.  I
want you to know, it wasn't your fault.  He took advantage of you, and it
doesn't make you gay."

   "Get out," I pushed him out of my room, "Get outta my house, you fucking
fairy!" Almost pushed him down the stairs.

   "DONALD!" Oh shit, dad.  "I don't wanna hear that kinda language in my
house, Get Down Here, young man!"

   "See what you did?" I shoved him out the door.  But he already had his
belt out.  "No," I backed to the corner, "Please, I'm sorry daddy!"
Covering my butt, but he pulled me out.

   "Not sorry enough," he jerked my arm, "Move your hands." I knew, that
was just more swats.

   I ran upstairs, crying as soon as I got my pants up.  I'm to old to cry,
like a baby, but all I can remember is waking up, at Mr.  Wallaces' house,
and how much it hurt.  I sniffed, and dried my eyes on the pillow.  "It
didn't hurt," likeat.  I'm tougher than that, it was just a spanking, but.
"Nhmhmhmhm!"

   But it made me feel, so weak, and cry.  Like a little faggot, "You like
that?"

   "NO!" I screamed.

   "Yeah," he felt between my legs, "Youlike it, you little faggot."

   I didn't even find his petition for months, because he left it on my
desk.  But school started, and there it was.  By then, all the kids knew,
he told them, to stay away from him, his house, don't get in his car, or
drink anything he gives you.  He's right, he's a bad man, so I signed it.

   Ollie {Mb NS}

   I was so scared, my hand shook, just holding it to knock.  I had to do
this, I want to run, but, someone has to do this, and everyone else is
scared, or don't believe me.  Can't make a case with just witnesses,
though. Victims, that's why they won't stand up to him, because he made
them scared, like Scarecrow.  Yeah, he's like Scarecrow, a terrorist, and
he uses drugs.

   "Hey!" he smiles down, "Oliver, right?"

   Now, I really want to run, but that's like Batman's greatest trick.  He
gets captured, but it's all part of the plan, so he can talk to the
villian, and destroy his evil plan from the inside.  But I'm not Batman, I
just need evidence.

   Proof, to make the case.  "Hey," I force myself to look up, "Mr. 
Wallace.  Uh, I got this friend," boyfriend really, "And he told me, about
the movie you showed him?"

   "Cummon in," he locked the door, and the built turning sounded like a
jail slamming shut.  "KH!" I was trapped, in here, with him.  "You
thirsty?"

   "I got a soda," I showed him.  Don't let him take it, or put anything in
it, don't drink anything he gives you.

   "I like coke too," He got out his big boddle, and a little flat one, it
said Jim Beam on it, so I know it was whiskey.  My dad told me, to stay
away from booze, it's of the devil, but he just poured it in his cup of
coke.  "Want some?"

   "Not really," I looked at the clock, "It's only 10:30, and I really just
drink to go to sleep at night."

   "You smoke?" I shook my head.

   "I'm gonna be a athlete, and it's bad for your lungs."

   He told me everything, it' like a script, what he says to all the boys
the first time.  Out of order, but he said all of it, eventually.  I could
pull it out, and check them off when he said them, but I just did it in my
head, and said the replies I thought up.

   "Well, you're a big boy now." I nodded, [x] He told me he says that a
lot, like every time.  "Why don't you cum over, and watch with me?"

   I didn't even look at the TV.  On the couch, he patted it next to me. 
"It's all right, don't be shy."

   "Huh," I looked away.  "Uh," saw the TV.  "You got any with boys?"

   This was a man, and a girl.  A teenager, she had little boobs, but no
hair on her.  I guess it takes longer to grow hair.

   "You don't like him?"

   I shrug, "He's all right," real hairy!  "Uh, but she's.  Huh!  I don't
like seeing girls, naked."

   "Why not?"

   "They don't look right." shook my head, "They look weird, and it don't
feel right."

   "You like boys?" He scooted over, so he could reach out, for my lap.  I
had my knees together.

   "Yeah," I turned them away.  "But you're a man.  Uh," Look back at the
TV.  "You got any movies with boys?"

   "Little boys?" He got up, "Naked?" He looked real red.  "No, but I got
pictures."

   I know, he told me.  I followed him back to his room.  He doesn't have
kids, of his own.  He's married, but his wife works at the school.  When
the school is open, she's always busy during the day though, and in the
afternoon, when there's school.  Steve didn't know, where he kept them.  He
always had them out, or got them out when he wasn't looking, but he saw
them.

   Under his bed, not like the mattress, where normal men keep their dirty
mags, but the carpet pulled back, and I saw floor boards, but I went back,
and pretended to watch the movie.  I don't think the girl really like it,
but the boys started kissing.  She was between them, so they had to lean
over, to kiss, and feel eachothers arms.  They had there mouths open, so I
can see there tongues, and that wasn't too bad.

   A lockbox, green one, like the tin we buried for a time capsule, only
with a lock.  And square pictures, with white on the bottom, names, and
even dates on the back, just like he told me.  And the little folding
camera.

   I giggled, KZZZZ!  "You like them?" He shook the picture, and showed me.
Looking up, with the green box open on my lap, holding all the pictures,
and his willy.  I looked up, he had it out.  "You like it?" He pulled it
back, so the skin opened up, like an eyelid, and I gigged again.

   "I got one too!" That's where he seen one afore, he didn't tell me.

   "Can I see it?" I looked down at the box, and the pictures in my lap.

   "Hh!" I looked at the clock, "Maybe next time," I closed it up, "Sorry,
but my dad expects me for lunch, and he'll be real mad if I'm late." Or I
don't show up, because I'm knocked out, on the couch, with my pants down,
and him on top of me.  Pulling my butt open...  "Huh!" I got up, and stuck
it up in my pants so it didn't stick out.  He touched me, just the front of
my pants, and rubbed on my butt.  His hand was so big, he could rub both
sides, and his thumb...

   "Hh!" But I got to the door, "I really have to go," and see Steve. 
Before I do something, he would never forgive me for.  He didn't tell me, I
guess he couldn't, but I didn't think I'd want to.  He told them they would
like it, it would feel good, "Real good." And my butt felt so hot, in my
shorts like I just got a spanking, and I was still sticking up, in my
shorts, under his fingers.  He stopped rubbing, and pinched my zipper. 
"Uh!" I pushed him away, but I had the door unlocked, and ran down the
steps to his bike.

   "Huh!" Shake my head, I really want my first time to be with Steve, I
love him, he's my boyfriend.  Least of all do I want to be with Him, ever.
But I didn't know, I had no idea how tempting it would feel.  "God," I
almost, huh!  It was like when he looked at his brother, scary but he told
me right away.  And secrets are bad.  Evil, like mister Wallace.  "It'll
just be our little secret."

   He patted my bottom, on the way out the door.  So, I had to tell him, if
I can, how it felt, did it feel like that, for him?  The first time, before
he started hurting him.  He should be at home, waiting, probably worried,
wondering why I'm late, if he didn't come over looking at me.  I didn't
tell him what I was going to do, because I knew he wasn't going to let me,
but I had to do something to stop him.

   Steven {bb

   Story codes aside, this shouldn't be triggering, but Spoiler Alert: This
is about the time it starts becoming more sexual.  However, they are
pre-pubertal, so it's still not going to be sex for a while.  They're not
mature enough yet.}

   I cried, but he's right.  It had to be done, "Nobody else is doing it,"
he's been doing it for years, and I saw the picture of uncle Ray.  As a
boy, it was before I was born, and Mr.  Wallaces' private hairs were brown
instead of dark grey.  The 90s, before I was born, and nobody stopped him.

   He's a supervillian, but his momma told us.  That comics books aren't
real, his daddy had a collection, but they're old, and valuable, and in
good condition so we don't get to read them.  But, "Real heros wear suits,
or uniforms." Instead of masks, and capes.  "We fight fires, and crime, in
the streets, and jails, and in the courtroom." Oh, she's a lawyer, drives
in to the county seat every day, his daddy actually takes care of the
house, and kids.  Her job is that important.  Like Harvy Dent, only her
suits have skirts.

   But Mr.  Wallace is like a serial killer, I guess.  He doesn't kill his
victims, but he had 37 pictures in that little green box when I saw it.  He
added mine to make it 38, then I never saw them again, so there's no
telling how many there are now.  Ollie told me, he didn't get to count, and
the newest one he saw was #26, but he's a Collector.  And his victims, we
suffer for years, even after he stopped, and I never saw him again.  He
just tells us to keep the secret, lets us do all kinds of bad things so we
know we'll get in trouble too.

   He taught us, which boys will most likely want to play, how to talk to
them, talk them into coming over, or call him to pick us up.  That's how he
did it, he doesn't know every boy, but all the boys know all the other
boys. Which ones are shy, or look over in the pee line.  Which ones look at
porn, and play with themselves.  What they like to look at or talk about.
What women they think are pretty, what kind of movies they like to watch.

   "Huh!" Like a spymaster.  Yeah, Bond isn't a superhero, but that kind of
Villian.  He networks, so his victims find more victims, and over decades,
he spread across the county, even knew guys in other counties.  Or he said
he did, he knew other guys his age.  Gay ones, but they like little boys,
barely looked at eachother, but he showed me a picture.  "He likes you, he
said you're cute." A picture, of his privates.  "See how much he likes
you?" He was big, but not hairy.  I thought it's like a foreskin, some men
don't have hair on there privates and in there butt.  "If you like, he'd
really like to come over, and meet you."

   He only came once, I would have played with him again, if he come back,
but this was before we said "I love you." I broke up with him as soon as I
knew.

   Oliver {bbB Cons}

   "Huh!" I set it down, "Snh!" Wiped my nose.  Ew, snot, wiped it off. 
"We'll have to rewrite it, as a testimonial statement." Now I wanna be a
lawyer when I grow up.  By day;

   "Hh!" He nodded, but he looked relieved.  "You're right, it's much
easier to write it than talk about it out loud." Gives me time to think. 
Face to face, you have to follow what they're saying, but my big brother
says I can take Debate when we get to high-school.  He kissed me.

   "Hh!  What did this," I looked for it, right, didn't give a name "Other
man do to you?"

   "Oh, we just kissed, and cuddled, in the chair." I remember the chair.
"He liked tickling me, and.  Huh, I let him touch me." He looked down,
blushed, but I love how that brings out his freckles.  "But it was back
when you and I were just friends."

   I kissed him back, "It's all right," felt his face.  "I`m not jealous,
but it's got me thinking." We can take our time, when we're alone together,
he lets me think.  "Huh," he nodded, "The way, you wrote about it, you made
it sound like it wasn't bad, it didn't hurt, or make you feel abused, like
Mr.  W did."

   "No," He shook his head.  "He, it was loving.  I mean, he was a
stranger, but I could tell he really loved boys, he made me feel good, and
he didn't even try to hurt me." He looked up, thought, so I waited.  "He
asked me.  Whenever he was gonna, like "Can I," no wait, he said, "Would it
be all right if I kissed you?" Likeat, or something likeat, but he asked if
wanted to sit in my lap?  If he could touch me there.  I let him, but when
he said it was hot, with me sitting there in his lap, he asked if I wanted
to take my clothes off, an I said "No." The weird thing he said that was
okay, "You don't have to, and I won't make you do anything you don't want."
Hn!" Wow, he really enjoyed that.  "He said I could call him daddy, if I
like, and he always wanted a son like me.  But then he left, and I never
saw him again."

   "Sounds more like a fantasy." Grownups pretend too.  Most of the books,
and movies, and stuff are made by adults, even kids books.  I had to
explain it to him, though.  Adult fantasies can be sexual, especially
grownups like a Child Molestor.  "Did you get his name?"

   "No, I said my name was Stevie" everyone else calls him that.  He
doesn't mind, but he loves for me to call him Steve, like an adult.  "And
he said I can call him Daddy, if I like."

   "Hey," I grabbed a stick, and looked back, Steve picked up a rock.  "Hey
wait." He put his hands up, "I don't want to fight," he came alone.

   "Good," I held it out so he'd have to come around to hit me, but the
stick is longer then his arm.  "Cause it wouldn't be a fight, Donnie."

   We practiced, on like a tree, and stuff.  Kind of adopted from
Napoleonic Pike and Cannon warfare, only there's just 2 of us.  Or say
Cyclops, and Wolverine.  Infantry and Artillery, one holds the target, and
Steve's much more accurate at throwing then me.  So, I have to hold the
line, but the stick makes up for my reach, and I can turn it sideways to
block.  And there's always sticks and rocks lying around in the woods, so I
don't have to carry around a shield.

   He waved a white flag, or it was a piece of paper.  "Huh, I found your,"
Held it up, read off the top, "Petition, is it?" Turned it back.  Signed,
top line, right under my signature.  Because I wrote it, not as a
witness/victim.

   "Truce?" I stood up my stick, like a walking stick, so I didn't need
both hands, and I took it back.  "Can you write out your name, too?" Messy
cursive.

   "Uh," he checked his pockets, "I didn't bring a pen."

   "Here's one," Steve set down the backpack.

   "When did you sign it?"

   "This morning," Steven held out the sketchbook so he could write it.

   "Thanks," he folded it back up, in the pocket between subjects.  "Uh, I
didn't see you at school."

   "Middle school now." He looked at Steve, "Uhm." He bit his lip, and
looked down.  So, we waited, we both know it's tough, especially talking
about, the kind of stuff that he never said anything about.  I never seen
him look so ashamed before.  "I'm sorry," he looked like he might cry? 
"Stevie, for.  Huh!" He looked up, "He, made me, find other boys, and," He
choked up, but we hugged him.  Both of us, he needed it.

   "Sh," Steve really knows how to make you feel better, "I know, he made
me do it too, but I forgive you."

   "Yeah?" He sniffed.

   "Yeah," he patted his back.  Now I'm a little shorter, and I didn't say
anything, but I felt something.  On my side, and I knew what it was.  It
was his willy, and obviously I noticed it, because he was sticking up.  Or
kind of sideways, diagonal I guess, but I felt it through his pants, and my
shirt.  I didn't say anything, because I know how he feels about gays,
always called us "Fairies," but you know?  I realized he never said fag, or
faggots.  That was the other boys, but before I ask him about it, I let go,
since he wasn't hard against me no more.

   "Hh!" I picked up the notebook, but it's like 5 subject, so there's lots
of fresh pages.  "You think you can write down, what he did, and how it
made you feel?  It's for the trial, Mom says she'll work with the County
Prosecuter when we have enough for the case, she's got a meeting to go over
the petition, and determine probable cause for a search, but because we
don't have any Evidence yet, the more witness," don't call them victims,
that doesn't work out well, when you talk to them likeis.  He's not cryin
again, "testimony we have, the stronger it'll make a case."

   "You sound like a cop."

   "Well, I'm gonna be a detective, so I might as well start practicin'."
He started laughing, so we all started laughing.  "Uuuuh!  And any boys you
know about." I'll compare them to the names we already got, but he's older,
and he probably knows the one who brought him over.  "Also, don't say
anything to Deputy McCalliffe.  I think he might be in on it."

   "Oh yeah," he nodded, "He molested me too.  Like every time I went in
for stealing, or vandalism."

   "Oh," actually he stopped.  Acting up, in town.  Where he could get
busted by adults, he mostly bulled kids when nobody was looking.  Write
that down.  "Yeah, and any other men you might know too." Steve and I never
did anything, like stealing, and graffiti to get in that much trouble. 
"Did he threaten you?  I mean the Deputy."

   "Yeah," he nodded, "He said I'd go to jail, for life, and the niggers'd
rape me every night." Write that down too, so that's where that came from.

   "Steve?" I looked at him.  He looked away.  "Steven?" He glanced back.

   "Yeah," he nodded, "He said that." Corroboration.

   "Good," to myself as much as anyone else.

   Donald {Bbb Cons Slow}

   "Huh!" I looked up from the page, "Do I have to write the stuff I," did.
Wrong, "Liked?"

   "It might be better to talk about it." He sat in Steven's lap, kissing,
but they kept their swim-trunks on.

   "Uh," I stuck the pen in the spiral, "You mind if I cool off?" It was
hot, watching them, the cute little fairies, I could see they're in love.

   "Go ahead," I didn't bring any trunks, didn't really plan to hang out,
so I kicked off my shoes, undid my shorts, and pushed down my underwear
with them.  They looked, but I just sat down in the water, and pulled my
shirt up to keep it dry.

   I called them "Mudbutts," before were friends again.  I didn't know it
was from playing in the brook, and then sitting together in the dirt
likeat. I thought it was from buttfucking, or something, but they don't
even touch eachother, really.  Not in their shorts, they keep them on, and
just hold, and kiss eachother.  And play together, Cops and Robbers kids
stuff, but they're still kids, and "Huh!" I wish I had a friend likeat. 
Boyfriend, or girlfriend, it doesn't really matter when you're 12, and
everyone pretty much looks the same from the belt up.  Long hair would be
nice.

   "It might help," he been thinking about it, "If you seperate what you
like from what hurt, and scared you." He told me, this is as much for
helping me deal with it as nailing their asses to the wall.  Turns out
there's a lot of gay men around here, it's not just the boys.  And teens, I
guess.  I'll be a teenager in April.

   "Huh!" I thought, "The movies, he showed us." Yeah, well I had sex with
your boyfriend already.

   "The gay ones?"

   "Huh!" Yeah, I know, "Those too, but the ones with girls, or not the
ones girls with girls.  I like girls too, but not just girls." ; I winked,
"I told you, I'm not gay."

   "You're bisexual."

   I nodded, "So anyway, I hated buttfucking.  It hurts, it always hurts,
don't let him lie to you about that, But first, he liked to put it in my
mouth."

   "Right," he laughed, "You called us buttfuckers, but not Cocksuckers. 
That was always Jerry."

   "Yeah," I was in denial, all right?  He understands, he explained it to
me.  But, I guess I deserve a little humiliation for what it made me do. 
I'd earned it.  "Huh!"

   "Take your time."

   "Yeah," I'm a cocksucker.  "I liked that, and even in the movies, my
favorite parts were the blowjobs, and the cumshots." I like the cum too,
even the water wasn't cold enough, I wasn't just floating downstream any
more.

   "Mhm?" He just nodded, and blinked.  He does most of the talking, but
Steven was kissing his neck.

   "Yeah," I just stood up, and my balls were pretty shrunken, but it
really didn't keep the swelling down, very long.

   "He's circumcized," he giggled, to Steve.

   "I know," he looked too, "I saw his picture."

   He touched it, we jerked eachother off, while Mr.  Wallace watced.  I
even sucked on his, and he got hard, having sex with me, but it was just
that 1 time.  "Huh!" He hadn't grown as much.

   "He didn't have hair on it," Ollie loked, and Steven looked away.  "In
the picture." Right, your secret's safe with me.  I think I understand,
Ollie, he still likes Ollie even though Steven and I are using our full
names now.  He's not the youngest, but he's the smallest, and the smartest.
Not the most experienced though, he'd only been with Steven, and they
weren't even having sex, yet.

   "You mind if I jerk off," I boyoinged it, "Or something?  I don't have a
boyfriend, or a girlfriend yet."

   And they taught me.  The men, Ollie calls it Grooming, but they told me
how to seduce gay little boys.  I didn't bring any porn, but I happened to
bring a not so little boy's body, and they just stopped looking up.  At my
face, from my hand, what I was holding, and how I stroked it.  Slow.  Cute
little fairies, I don't hate them, I never really did.  Just when there's
other kids around, this it not the big city, or like San Francisco
California.  We don't have a downtown so much as a street with a couple
stores, and offices across it, and a sign to tell you what town you're
drivng through.  Most folk don't even stop.

   And It ain't like I never thought about it, since I played with Stevie,
back then it was Stevie.  But back then, I was shooting blanks, he didn't
even get off, but he giggled when it, "Uh!"

   Ollie giggled first, I opened my eyes to see his fingers over his smile,
but Steve watched too.

   "Nh!" I didn't have to watch, had the looks on their faces memorized as
more shot out, then started dribbling on my nuckles.  "Huh, lng!" I licked
them off.  "Yeah!" Can't remember the last time I got off like that.  "Uh!"

   "Smp!" Ollie looked up, and I think he rolled his tongue around in
there. "Mh!" He smiled.  Steve just looked at him, I'm not sure what that
was on his face.  "I got a foreskin," he pulled it out, and showed me.  So
did Mr.  W, but, his looked so cute, and hard.  Steve put his hand over it,
and stepped between us.  "Mh!" He sighed, his eyes closed.  So, I grabbed
my shorts, and shit.

   "I'm gonna go," putting them on, "Leave you two alone..."

   But he sucked me first.  Both of them, he flashed his little hardin at
me, and pulled back the skin.  Maybe jack off again on the way back.  When
it gets hard again.  It's weird, them being that in love, for that long,
and not even jerking off together.  I mean it's been like 3 years, since I
seen it, 3 summers at least.  Why I always thought the, well, they reminded
me of fairies, I guess.  Their cute likeat, especially together, I'm not
sure how anyone can look atthem and not see they're a couple.

   Shouldn't have outed them, though.  That was bad, but I was a pretty bad
boy.  God damn that was hot, though.  Jerking off in front of them, and
Ollie flashing me likeat.  Better'n porn, I shoud be able to jack off to
that for a while, since I don't play with any men, or boys no more.  But
they waited, you know it remends me of how they wait for eachother to
think, instead of talking over eachother.

   And I think I might have to wait.  For a while, until I think about all
this, sex, and pain, and fear, and love, and boys, and girls, and "Huh!"
But I better stop and jack off again first.

   Deputy Donald {Mm Anal Cons BDSM}

   So, I went back to Deputy Frank.  Well, used to be what passed for a
sheriff in these parts, it's not quite a small-town.  It's more like a
rural neighborhood, or a place to come in from the farm, for groceries. 
There's just a grade-school, but me, and the boys ride buses out to our
schools.

   But I like Men, and hand-cuffs.  The whole cop fantasy, sure.  I'm not
gay, but only because I don't limit my options that much.  One of the
conditions of his parole, but I'm 18, and we don't want to leave him
sexually frustrated after losing his job, and all.  Turns out, he's not a
pedophile, either.  He doesn't really care, but everyone around knows not
to give him any opportunities.

   Sheriff's deputy was probably not the best career for him.  Too much
Power, that he likes to Assert.  I don't really mind, he's good at it, and
I can take a lot of pain.  "Punk!"

   "Ah!" Didn't really hurt, but he likes me to scream.

   Oh, and a badboy.  A hero, but that's 2 different things.  The hero can
be a bad boy.

   "Thought I taught you a LESSon!" I don't tense, with it deep within me.
Not yet, unfortunately, he's got a short fuse, and I'm not quite ready for
it to end.  He holds it in, deep, "Faggot!" Donky punches me again.

   "Nh!" I tense.  Never know how long I'll hold out, but then my ass slams
shut, and I can relax.  "Huh!" The rubber slaps greasily on the floor, and
he grunts behind me.  My ass hot from him spanking me with his belly, and
still shaking with the adrenaline, the endorphins, "Hah!" Breathless as the
hot wet splats stick, and roll down.  "Hhuhuh uH!" He pats it, and pulls up
the chain to unlock my wrists.

   I just catch my breath, and rub my bracers around to loosen them up. 
"Thanks," I kiss him, "Sir." Then, "Ah!" he gets in another swat before I
get my shorts up.  "Huh!  See you tomorrow."

   It helps me think.  Or switch back from cramming all that stuff in my
head at school to the afternoon.  I don't understand it, but I need a
head-change.  I light up the joint as soon as I'm back in the woods, or the
trees between the neighborhoods, that oughta hold me for hours.  I got a
condition, "Gotta take my meds." Spit out a flake of stem.  Still hot
assed, my jeans rubbing on them, back and forth as I jog out, and break
into a run.

   Head for the creek, I stopped by the dispensary after I got dropped off.
I smoke, too much, but you wanna see my prescription?  Washington State,
right across the top, but we're out in the country, so they're still a
little old fashioned.  The boys can get married, when they turn 18, but
that's a long ways away, and it helps them too.  They're in the tent, and
it's shaking, so I just stop, and smoke the rest of the joint.

   Now here's the deal.  We don't have badguys here.  I'm about the worst
one in town, because the three of us systematically tracked them all down,
and sent them to prison.  Well, the bad men, the boys they abused stopped
making bad boys worse, and since we knew all the victims, we got them all
help too.

   The other victims, we help eachother.  "I smell a polecat!" You ever
seen the old 80s version of Dune?  Nevermind, but when Steven steps out of
the tent, glistening with sweat, he kinda looks like Sting.  Or he did,
before he got old, that was like decades ago, but he stands up, pulls up
his boxers, and sniffs.  "Any of that roach left?" He grins.

   More and more like Thor with that messy metalhead mop, but he started
puberty when he was 9.  Almost 10.  Pretty sure, his boyfriend,
fingercombing his hair is Ollie, the brains of the operation, and I guess
our leader.  Steve pulls on his shirt, and checks the Captain America
button on the pocket before he buttons it up.  As much a badge for taking
down a Sheriff as an inside joke.  Tall, blonde, skinny, wirey, almost
elvinly pretty, and don't he know it?

   "Knkh!" Passes it down to ollie.  Pinching it in his long nails, and
puffing his lips out like an African American.  I guess, never smoked with
one, only seen it on TV.

   So, I dropped off their eith, and left them alone together.  They
practically live out here, just go home to sleep, take a bath, and change,
since neither of their families let them sleep over.  They're Christians.

   So, I guess we're the badboy heros.  The 2 fairies, and the
sadomasochistic drug dealer.  But, it's not even a small town, so we don't
tolerate any other bad kids.  It's a good thing I don't like boys, but
Steve is looking more like a man every day.

   .

   .

   Steve {Bm NS...}

   "Hey," I caught up, left it half buttoned.  "Wanna hang out a while?"

   Looked back, but Ollie was already back to reading his book.  Well, not
his notebook, but whatever's been keeping him so preoccupied lately.

   "I don't have plans," he sits down, "Wanna talk?" He sits down, and
starts rolling one from the walk back, since he can't take our pipe with
him.  I'm gonna learn to roll, though.

   "You got a," I look back, made the smoke sign.

   "I'm quitting," he twisted the studded leather bracelet on his wrist, so
the snaps were on the inside, "And you shouldn't start, either." I look up.
"You're not," he lets go, "Thinking about getting into the rough stuff, are
you?"

   "No," I look away.  He chuckles, back at camp.

   "Ollie?" I can't lie to him, so I nod.

   "Huh!  I guessed he was the bottom, but."

   "Oh no, we're not fucking.  But, he likes spanking."

   "His dad,"

   "No, neither of them spanked him." They're more the hippy dippy commune
Christians, they'll probably come around first.  "I think that's why he
likes it."

   "Then what's the problem?" He's so much more sexually experienced than
even me.

   "I don't like it." It don't feel right.

   "Oh," he shook his head, "Well why don't you talk to him about it?"

   "I can't," he enjoys it so much I want to make him happy, but,

   "Well, he's like my therapist, so if you want," he got up, "I'll talk to
him."

   So, I showed them the circle-jerk.  Steve played it with me, and our
abuser.  "Huh!" they didn't know the rules, though.

   "First one that gets off, gets it."

   "So," Ollie looked up, "It's like a race?" I shrugged, but kept pumping.
The nice thing about being gay is they don't need porn, just me, watching
my hand move on my dick.

   "Depends on what you call winning." I sighed, not in any hurry, but
getting close.  "Uh, see when you get off," I really wanted to cum all over
his cute little face, and his bangs, "Uh," open my eyes, "Then we get
to."...  "Touch youhH!"

   Uh, fuck!  I just fell back, felt it jump out and splatter up my body.

   "You're it!" they giggled, and rubbed the mess in like lotion.  Ollie
kissed my chest, likes pulling my hair with his lips, and swirling it
around my nipple with his tongue.

   "Mh!" But I couldn't tell him how good that felt.  "Huh!"

   Steven's growing, bigger every day, but he pulls out.  To jerk it, his
fingers crackle wetly in my spit, but I can reach his balls, catch them
bouncing, and lap them in.  "Ooh," his frantic stroking pulls his hairy
skin tight in my lips, but he slows down, starts pumping all 4 3/4" and
"Uhn!" shooting it all over my chest.  I let them slip out, and see it
messing up Ollie's hair.  Cut off above where it starts to go wavy, with
those Spok bangs, and,

   "Hn!" He straightens up, on his knees so I can see him pull the skin
back, his little cum-slit opening for the first drops to wet it, and
dribble out, but he's walking up, on his knees, and the first real spurt
just misses my shoulder.  But he gets another on my cheek, then I'm rolling
the skin back with my lips, and he bumps my nose with his pubeless tummy.

   "Hn!" through my nose, swallowing the rest, but Steve's already down
lapping what little cum was left.

   Ollie hunches, "Huh!" Slipping out, and dangling, the wet skin slipping
over his glistening acorn head.  But I'm already getting hard again, and
Steve noticed.  I just felt his longish blond curls, put my arm up, under
my head, and Ollie's cuddling beside me.  Playing with my hairs, kissing my
nipples.  Steve got it up again, before he finished sucking me off.  He
loves my dick, and keeps getting better, and better at sucking it, but we
didn't circle jerk again after that.  I mean, that afternoon, it's always a
great foreplay when you have enough guys.

   I wiped my cheek, licked my fingers, and sighed.  Felt Ollie's butt,
he's a bottom, he really likes it, and he's really got the cutest little
bubble butt.  "Huh!" I just closed my eyes, it's nice when they get all
slow, and gentle, after the frantic first fucks.  That's really what the
circle jerk was for, and yup!  Worked like charm.  "HhuhHhuhH!"

   ;

   Oliver {MMB Mole Cons Trap

   Ding!  Mr.  Stevens looked up from his book.  Marked the page, and set
it on the counter.  Next to the antique brass register, [...(No Sale)...]
in the window, like a typewriter with a drawer under it, he slipped his
keys from the lock.  Watched me, the rumor was he's gay.  Lives alone.

   "Something I can help you with?" Lots of little stealables here and
there, but brick-a-brax, and there's nowhere to sell it.  Probably knows
all the antique shops in the county as well.  I put my hands in my pocket,
and leaned over the glass case.  Pants pulling tight over my bottom, going
hot, imagining his eyes on it, his hand, feeling down.  "Nh."

   Up on legs, like a tall piano bench, with a window on top.  My pants
tight over my bottom, clenching a little, anticipating a swat.  He collects
Polaroids, the cameras, and accessories, some parts for them, adapters...

   He comes around the counter, so I walked over to the knife case.  Mostly
kitchen stuff, and old-timer pocket folders.  A fob knife, chained to a
pocketwatch.  [Steampunk Special!] Open to show the cut-out in the face,
the gears, and escapement, rocking back and forth on a spiral spring. 
[Watch, Chain, and Fob Knife.  $80.00+Tax.] Interesting handwriting.  Not
script, but the lower case was like smaller upper case letters, where
duplicated as with the c/Cs, and T/ts.  Just red grease pencil, looks like.
Has a smaller glass box of fountain pens.

   "I have a friend," look up, remembering my lines.  Castration Anxiety?
Good.  "He needs a special kinda film.  Said you sell it here?"

   "Only place in town sells Polaroid film.  He tell you what it's for?"

   "His camera," duh, "taking pictures?"

   "I mean what kind of polaroid," he pulled out a couple packages, slipped
the mylar bags out of the boxes.  "Does it look like this, or this?" I
pointed.  "How much?"

   I half shrugged, "One." Didn't even look up, from the front of his vest,
where it split diagonally, "Is that a belt buckle?" Bit my lip.

   "Why," he tugged it up, "Yes." A brass gear, bas relief on the oval
surface, engraved with scrolling paisleys, and arabesques.  [Steampunk
Special!] He walked over to the door.  "Does your friend like to take
pictures?" I nodded.  "Good," he turned the red plastic clock hand, and
flipped the BRB side of the sign out.  "What's your friend's name?" [Open]
for business!  Turned the latch on the door, and tucked his keys back in
the pocket of his vest.  Patted it.

   "I'm not supposed to say," look down, fold my hands in front of me.  I
only know the one customer, and he's already in jail, but guess where he
got his camera, and film?  We don't have a shop for that, and he didn't
mail order them.  Saved his receipts, though.  "Huh!" When I look up, he's
already hard in his pants.  Kind of childish, Peter Pan type, I guess. 
Maybe even why he likes to play with little boys, to feel young again. 
"Why," look up at his John Lennon style spectacles, and Beetles cut.  So,
sixties, or child of, so maybe into the 70s, too young to get drafted. 
"You wanna take some pictures?" of me, naked?

   "Yes," he patted my shoulder, "I'd like that very much."

   I could have called the police, immediately.  Or told Steve and Donny my
plan, but I thought, both of them have this experience.  I played it with
them, so many times, and I came so close with Mr.  W, but.  "Huh!" He's not
disgusting, he's kinda cute, and in a nerdy kind of way.  I don't really
like, "[Steampunk,]" I read, "Is that like Cyberpunk?" I bet he had a great
imagination.

   "Well," he pushed his glasses up with both hands, "Cyberpunk is a
future. A possible one, but the crapsack dystopia is like a warning;" He
nodded.  Didn't finish with "Like cyberpunk," but it was implicit.

   "Like animal farm." I nodded, "My big brother read it to me."

   "Do you play with him?" Apartment behind the store, and store-room.  Not
furnished particularly retro- actually fairly modern, and cheap.  The
dining room set belongs on a patio, but no balcony, just the storefront
sidewalk.

   "We used to, not sexually." He stopped, "Huh!  You're a child molestor.
I get that your fantasy is a big part of it, but I'm not that innocent
little boy.  You on lunch?"

   "Well actually," doesn't glasses push again, "I need to call a friend,
at least.  We play together, role play, and we have an agreement.  We
share, or I at least have to ask permission first, but if you want to take
a look at the play-room."

   He held up his keys.  Hanging from one, then pointed, and dialed on a
rotary phone.  I didn't know those still worked with modern phone systems,
but I half expected a model IV Teletype machine with a fresnel lense for
his computer.  (T.  Gilliam: "Brazil.")

   [Utility] Right about the center of the building, there's businesses all
around, and comercial/apartments upstairs.  What passes for "Downtown"
around here, and about the densest EM interference too.

   But it's not a cell.  It's a utility room, lots of pipes, ducts, and
decorations, old cast-iron tub furnace, a boiler, and closets.  Or
sheet-steel wardobes, unlocked, but I have to pull down the handles to open
them.  Oh yes, looks like he goes down to 4, or 5.  Boys, and girls, or
knows someone who does.  Too small, but they go up successively with age.
Like a locker room, without the showers, and assorted other restroom
fixtures, just all the pipes, and ducts for the whole building, and old
banged up utility wardrobes.  No basement.

   "Wait `till Zed gets here," ~Q.  Tarantino - "Butch" (Pulp Fiction) I
pull off my shirt.  "Ooh!" Didn't know they made goggles that small, but
they're tan-to-brown leather with brass bezels holding the dark tinted
lenses.  "HehenhihiIn!" Look like #5 Welding lenses, even tint everything
green.  I keep my pants on, but there's a great vest I buttoned up, and
patted my tummy.  Gosh it's hot in here, with all this stuff on, but that's
part of the fun of dressup.

   "Ooh," Panties!  Next wardrobe over, so sized for slightly older girls,
without Hips, but I find a pair that fit, and pull my britches back up. 
Rub them in the crotch, and over my bottom, walking around, playing with
stuff.

   There's a box in the back, by the wall of pipes, between two round loud
blowing ducts.  No whips, but who knows what he can go back for from the
apartment, and shop.  Yellow Submarine posters, plural, and a model of the
eponymous craft, may have been inspirational for him.

   "Hh," Into bondage, though.  I leave the keys hanging from the lock. 
The antique warded lock with slots cut into the key, and hole you can look
through.  Antique steel security door.

   Hope he likes to be strapped up, definitely leather and brass, looks
most like horse-tack, "Pony-play?" I cover my mouth, and giggle, swing back
and forth by the hips, and bite my lip.  I don't know if I trust him, but
maybe he'll trust Me?

   "Oh!" her?  "Look what you're getting into." Zed's a girl?

   "You're not," I look up, and down, "Steampunk?" or fantasy, kind of
looks like Sci-Fi, but.

   "Nuclear-punk." Pops her gum like a pink girl from Grease, but shiny
jumpsuit, zipped up to her neck.  Thank god, but it stretches tight when
she stands up.  Or doesn't stretch enough, she adjusts the Buck Rodgers
style ray-gun hanging diagonally down, under her hip.

   "Oliver," slip the goggles up off my nose, "Lovecraftian, uh punk."

   "Cthulhupunk."

   I shook my head, "{TCOC is like the one-hit-wonder of the Cthulhuverse."
Goggle-push, "Whereas the lesser known works like the "Rats in the Walls,"
and the "Outsider" better established the tropes of his;}"

   "All right," she twirled her hand, "You pass the nerd-test."

   "And don't most people call it Ray-gun punk?"

   "Yeah, but that gets confused with the other end of the Cold-War."
Reagan.  I nod.  "And Nuclearpunk refers to both the Atomic pre-space age,
and the Nuclear Family of the fifties' World of Tomorrow."

   "So Zee-rust." Buck Rodgers, Flash Gordon, and I guess a bunch of the
Burrows stuff.  "Pulp-Punk."

   "Yesterdays' world of tomorrow." Just past diezelpunk.  We beat the
Nazis, yay!  Fucking hated the 50s, but what they said the 60s was supposed
to look like.  As if Vietnam, and the Civil Rights movements never
happened, but she's the plucky young woman with a raygun, and it's really
kinda cute.  Might want to get ;

   "Jetpunk?  Or rocketpunk, I was thinking about both of those, because
it's really about the transition from piston-props to rocket/jet engines.
The X-planes, like the first generation to fly, or at least look up at the
planes streaking overhead, and wonder."

   "You like airplanes."

   She nodded, eyes exited, "I used to build them," chewed a finger in the
corner of her mouth, thoughtfully.  Girls don't get beards to stroke. 
"Well, models, but I really like Rocket Planes, especially the German
ones."

   "Ahuh?" I got it, "Nazi planes."

   "Yeahbt," she sighed and shook her head, "Yeah, there evil, but had
great engineers." Where we got most of ours.

   "Like the ME-163 Kommet?  About the most Buck-Rodgers looking
Rocketplane, I can think of, and the most successful one in history.  If
you count the Knockovs, about 83% of rocketplanes were at least
derivatives." {Goggles push.}

   "Yeah!  See?  You get it, that's like my favorite.  I made a V-1 first,
and I tried to make a Pulsejet, but it didn't work."

   "The flapper valves are a bitch." I nodded.

   "Pop made me stop, it was too loud, and he was scared it would explode."
Well, basically what a Pulsejet does.

   "{The U pipes are easier, valveless, so there's no moving parts, and you
can adjust the back-pressure with a hack-saw.}" Look down, she nods.  "Just
need a pipe bender, and a welder." Know anyone who can braise?  {Allojer?}
May be too low temperature, but maybe for the prototype.  Don't close my
eyes, for the schematic.  "Why," needs to be scaled to the load, "What
do'you want it for?"

   "Oh, I'm making a hang-glider," more like a pilot's visor than goggles,
no scarf.  "It's expensive, paying for tows, though." Or a ride out to the
mountains, we're near the center of the valley, so it's like Nebraska, with
mountains in the distance.

   "Well, I'm gay.  Just waiting for mister brass to come back, and play,"
and see how many names I can get out of him, he's got a playroom, in the
middle of town, and nobody's got tastes that broad.  "But, I'd love to take
a look at your Glider." Especially not guys like The Collector.  Almost
never get a chance to use that program, nowadays, but I can build, and test
aerospace craft in my head.

   "Oh," she turned to the door.  "I can watch the register awhile." I
lied, or spoke for Ollie.  He's very very gay, I don't limit myself that
much, and that silver jumpsuit still looks a little too short.  Stretches
over her nice round plump rump, though she doesn't have much fat anywhere
else, but we'll, work our way into that.  Nice tight silver jumpsuit.  With
the burgundy stripes down the sides, and legs, and piping.

   Then, well I wanted to top him, but he showed me the pipes.  On the back
wall, between the ducts moaning with forced draft, but he turned off the
hot water, and the steam.  I just held on, but Ollie's butt was getting
hot, and excited.  He really so much wanted to bottom.  So, he pulled down
my pants, and panties, and put on a rubber buttering him up with thick
amber grease.

   "Huh!" he tensed a little, but loved every inch of it.  Kind of little,
or skinny, but long enough to fuck him deep.  Slow, gentle, then picking up
the revs for short fast strokes, only pulling halfway out to turn around,
and press his hips around my ass.  "Uhhhhn!" Let go to wipe my mouth, and
grab another, lower.  Get my hips a little better angle, and feel his
wrinkly hairless balls press into mine.

   Dripping sweat, the hot-pipes had barely cooled to warm, and the
ventilation ducts still flowed with a sound destroying white noise. 
`uhHH!" His breath on my neck, he kissed it, and my shoulder.  He softened,
and shrunk back inside me, but held it in, rubbed my arm while Ollie
shivered, not wanting it to end.  But, I was already getting hard...

   Then, we got our clothes off, and played dressup all night.  She closed
up, came back, and joined us.  I'm guessing 17, give or take.  Obviously
been playing with him for years, but Ollie found he can look at her. 
Appreciate her tight skinny body, she doesn't shave, anything.  And her
ass, flattening against the corners of his waistcoat.  "Hm," she likes
anal. Maybe...

   Doesn't like her face, though.  Doesn't think {Too pretty,} but that's
the problem.  Saw a red wig, and there's plenty of black pleather.  Maybe
get her a red hourglass belt buckle?  Good imagination, he can see it.  Not
Scarlett Johannson, the Cartoon Black Widow.  Little cone tits, but he's
not really a titty kinda guy, and he's Satisfied, for now.  Not a full
Genopath, barely got a dose the first time, from Donny, and Steven likes
him twinky.  So, just developed, maybe overdeveloped, but no Growth since
he was twelve.  He likes looking young too, and he really still thinks more
like a kid.

   "Uh?" She brought her own bag of tricks, including a dildo, and a
harness.  Fumbled a little with the straps.  {StrapOn.} Oh.  She pegged
him, the watch-man, cuffed down to the cargo-rings on the steamertrunk full
of more gear.  She used his cuffs.

   "UuuuhhH!" It's loud, and echoey in there.

   He turns away, but keeps looking back.  "Yeah!" swatting his ass.  So,
maybe I don't have to make him do it.  With the coghead here, he is a
little curious...

   {You know,} I thought, {He can't see her, behind him.} Swat!  "Uh!"

   {And that is a big, realistic rubber cock.} "Huh!"

   "Yeah!" she rubs it in, "Take it!"

   Talks too much, though.  Maybe a vynil harness.  Just touch it with his
fingertips, tap her hip with his nails on another stroke.  She looks back.
"Nylon?" She nods, turns back, and rubs his hip.  Swats him with hers'
again.

   "Uhuhn!" Old perve.  Probably been at it a while, knows how to fuck.  I
rubbed my cooling buttocks, and they warmed again.

   Nice ass.  Muscular for a girl, and broad, and her waist looks so narrow
in the loose zipped down jumpsuit.  Belted down by the synthetic cock,
strapped on over it.  A giggle, her ponytail jumped well just like a pony's
tail.

   "JackCard." Or Jacquard, as in the loom?

   She sighed, and pulled out gently.  "Are you all right?" She leaned over
behind his ear.

   "Huh!" He let his head back down.  "Heah, hH!" Wiped his mouth.  "I'm
satisfied." He groaned getting up, rubbing his back with both hands,
twisting, and popping.  "kHah!" Then we got our clothes fixed up, and broke
out the dice.

   "[Tales from the Floating Vagabond,]" I turned back from that bookshelf,
to the gaming table.

   "You'll love it!" She looked so excited.

   ;

   Steve {M/mG Mole NS}

   I went to church with Olie, and he was right, it was different.  Not
sure what to expect from hippies, but the men had long hair, and Pastor
White was blond too.

   Nu, uh.  He's not even white, he's Jewish.  Look at his eyebrows.

   Okay, there black, and if he don't bleach his hair, he even looks kind
of Jewish.

   And that halo-fro covers up a bald spot.  "I see we have some new faces
here," he spreads his arms, "This morning."

   Ollie squeezed my hand, and I went out.  Between the benches made out of
logs, they don't have a church, they have a Sanctuary, but it's outside
with trees all around it.  It's not bad, when the weather's nice, and
school hadn't started up yet.

   I guess it was from talking to all those boys.  About sex, but not to
get them into it, to get them out of it, with men.  To make them stop, and
get them therapy so they can learn to have real sex lives when they grow
up. But I guess I recognized it, sometimes.  The way the boys acted, so I
knew we had to talk to them.

   "Huh!" The girl from Belize, "Carmine," he patted her back, but she
looked down, and turned away.  Not from the congregation, but Pastor White
turned back, to the microphone.  Kind of like a concert, too.  They've got
speakers in the trees.  He smiled, to himself, but it looked Guilty.

   Oh.

   He looked at me, "Steven Saunders."

   He patted my back too, but it didn't feel like.  I had my back patted,
by my father, my big brother, my boyfriend, and Mr.  Wallace.  Just off the
top of my head, "Uh, just Steve."

   "Steve then," it felt more like my dad than anything.  "Um, Rat'one?" He
turned back to the black one.  Inner city, I guess.  They do a lot of
outreach.  Not me, everyone's welcome, so I came with my boyfriend.

   "Ray-Twan," the Pastor leaned back down over the microphone.  Hearda
him, he lives up by the national forest, like a Mountain Man with his son.
"And Ande'." He held out his hand to him, but hugged him more like a big
sister, or mother.  And he looked too young to have a son that old.

   "Hey," she turned around, "Your English is real good." Didn't know what
to say, so smalltalk.

   "I'm from Belize," she nodded, "We speak English there." She has an
accent, but it's not like a Mexican accent, or even a Canadian one.

   Yeah, she's from another country.

   "Did Pastor White," how do I say this?  I know he personally led that
trip to Belize, or remember Ollie saying he was "Away, at Belize." but I
guess he's one of the men that likes girls.  Some of them like girls, and
boys.  Some of them just like boys, so obviously, there's more out there
that just like girls.  Which brings us to the problem, I don't know how to
talk to girls.  They're alien, moreso than Canadians, or Mexicans, or
Africans.

   "He's going to marry me."

   She looks eleven or twelve, but she smells like.  "Snh?" I nodded. 
Yeah, she's on her period.

   "I like your hair," she looks down at my eyes, when I reach up to rub
the sweat on the back of my neck.  So does Ollie.

   "I'm growing it out." Hers is long, and black, and straight.  The
individual hairs look thick, and strong, and shine a little.

   "We're gonna miss the rest of the sermon." I guess she followed me,
walking right past the stage, and out of the sun.  "Uh," she looks down,
"You're pretty."

   "Uh!" I know.  "Does pastor White have any hair on his body?" I almost
covered my mouth, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I was thinking
about them.  The men, we're trying to stop.  It's kind of like boys, or
girls, some of them shave.  If they like children.

   "No?" Sorry, weird question.  Part of my ADD.

   "I do," I showed her my tummy, but you need to look real close.  They're
tiny, and blond, but I don't have much of a tan, or any freckles on my
tummy.

   "Ooh," she felt them, so I put my shirt down, and started walking.  Out
of broad daylight, they've got buildings, a garage, classrooms, I walk
behind the old sanctuary.

   "You mind if I take a piss?" She shook her head, but he's from South
America.  Actually, Central America, I remember a map, from Geography I
guess.  She watched, but I didn't get hard.  She's a girl, and I'm gay.  I
guess Donny should talk to her, being bisexual, and a brunette.  But
actually, she seems to like blonds.  And I don't have to talk to her like a
girl, because she's a victim.

   "You mind," she reached out, "If I touch it?"

   I shook my head, "Did Pastor White piss for you, when you touched him?"
After all, he told her he'd marry her.

   "Hm?" She looked up.  "You don't," she pulled the skin out, "Go all the
way to the end."

   "I'm circumcised." I thought Pastor White would be too.

   "Oh," she looked back down.  Jerked a guy off before, I can tell, but
she just pumped it slow.  "You want to touch me?" She pulled her skirt on.

   Go on, she's wearing underwear.

   ...

   Yeah but, it feels empty.  Like it's been cut off, and I start going
soft.  Oh no you don't, it sprang up, but a part of me thought about Ollie,
and when I tried on his sister's underwear.  He borrowed it for me, I seen
the drag queens on TV, and in the move Mr.  W showed me, with the sissyboy
in the maid outfit.

   "Hh," it's just a different kind of plumbing, don't hyperfocus on that,
you can think of something else.  It's like a superpower, and my sense of
smell is real good, because I never really started smoking.  Sometimes
socially, it's a good way to break the ice when they smoke, and, "Huh! 
Yeah.  Just like that."

   "Nh!" Only faster, and with both hands.  She seems to be satisfied just
being touched, she's not sexual yet, she's just sexually experienced.

   "Uh!" His hard little hand, slapping the panties under the skirt.  Not
like spanking, just a little `Get to work,' and "Huh!"

   She giggled, and squeezed the rest out, so I hunched.  Shook it off her
fingers, but I took her hand.  She stopped, but I didn't grab it.  Just
picked it up, kissed her soft little knuckles, and licked where it was
still wet.  Enough to taste, I hate to waste it, but a little goes a long
ways, and it lingers in my mouth.  I rub it on the roof a little.

   "You wanna go talk some more?" Where's Ollie?  I bet he knows a better
spot, it's his church.

   Carmine {GBb Solo NS Mnm Mole}

   "My father was poor," they nodded.  Sitting on a stump, the little one
in the tall blond's lap.  He looked like an angel, but living in sin with
his homosexual lover.  But it's America, they tell me they can be married
in a few years.  "So, I had to work, to help the family.  All of my
brothers, and sisters, and cousins work, it is normal there."

   "Uhuh?" We learn about different cultures in school, but there's only so
much about them in a paragraph, or a page, or even a chapter in a
textboook. My country isn't even in there, she had to pull down the big map
for the class, and they got up to go see it.  On the map.  It's beautiful
there, but poor, I saw homeless camps here, from the road, they live more
like we did.

   "You're a child prostitute."

   "Yes, there was a house, I went to work in, and one day Dr.  White came
to tell me the good news.  I don't have to live like this any more, and he
gave me a choice.  He always gave me a choice."

   They ask, or Steven always asked, to touch me, or for me to touch him,
but I think the little one is gay.  He doesn't even look at me, like a man.

   "Like when he brought me here, to live with him." It's his place, he has
a lot of land, and knows a lot of people.  Also God, he is a prophet from
God, and he knows the Christ.  "He said that I could chose, whether I could
love him as a father, or a husband.  I always wanted to be married, though
most of the men wanted me to call them Daddy, and my father never touched
me.  He just took us to work."

   "Your sisters too."

   "And brothers, my cousins worked at the house also." When we're old
enough.  "My family did not own land, we were what you call Squatters.  But
we could stay at the house, and they fed us, they had showers, and a
bathtub, and meny rooms with beds."

   "Like bedrooms, or like dorms, with multiple bunkbeds?"

   "They had a dormatory also, but that was another building." I went home
after work.

   "Did they take pictures, or tape any of it?"

   "No, there was no cameras.  They were not allowed to bring theirs, or
take pictures.  One snuck in a tape recorder.  He talked alot, and asked
questions, like you do.  He made me cry, and scream, but he explained it
was a game.  He did not hurt me, it was like a radio show." They have TV in
Belize, but not everyone has one.  We had a radio, and sometimes we bought
batteries for it.

   "Third world." He shook his head, but as a girl would.  In many ways he
is like a female, and a boy, and a man.  And an angel, he has a badge, it
is red, white, and blue, but a star, with a circle around it.

   "Oh," he pinched it, and looked down, "I'm an Avenger, of sorts." His
pale face reddened, so that the sunspots almost faded away.

   "Hn!" He is beautiful, and I am a little jealous of his boyfriend, but
he's is not, my neighbor's wife.  Not technically, they are not married. 
It hangs down, not straight, but the same golden waves, and curls of
sunlight as Dr.  White.  It is not longer, it just hangs down lower, over
his ears, and neck.  "Hum?" That's how I knew he was also from the blood of
Angels, I wonder if he is from Dr.  White?

   "Why do you call him doctor?" He asked again, then his boyfriend, "He's
not a doctor."

   "He told me," I shook the confusion out of my head.

   "Huh!" the little one rolled his eyes, and brushed his bangs away.  He
cuts his hair, looks a little like a girl, but he's homosexual as well. 
"Guys like him, well he's not just Preferrential, he's a cult leader like
Manson, Caresh, Moon, or Jones;" He could go on, I can tell.

   "Who?" I did not know any of them.

   "Jim Jones?" I shook my head, "Well, I suppose that was before your
time," I'm older then them, "And Ghana isn't that close," I nodded, "But
anyway, they have this," he thought... "Delusional fantasy, I suppose. 
Delusions of Grandeur, so they're attracted to positions of Power.  Like
Doctors, Police, Chancellor/slash/Dictator for life, or Minister.  They
come as Prophets, but it's really about power, and control over children,
and sex."

   "We did not have sex." I shook my head, "He said I can be forgiven, for
being a harlot, and not being pure, but I am saving myself," for our
wedding night.

   "You play with yourself." Obviously, they weren't watching, both of them
looked at my face.  We're talking about sex, and I don't have to think
about it, my fingers know what to do.  "But you don't put your fingers
inside?"

   "Oh," I was thinking about it, my fingers on my underwear.  "He told me,
that's sinful." ?, they looked at eachother.  ""Nothing else goes in
there," it's for 1 thing, "And only sons and daughters come out." Anything
else is sin, but you know." Anybody is welcome, "Your homosexuality is
forgiven." They repented, and accepted Christ as their lord and savior.

   "Of course," it looked like a lie, on Steven's face.  No, he looked
angry, or he might hate the church, but then why would he come here? 
"What?"

   "You are not christian?"

   "I know too much," then he told me about how Jesus was gay.  I looked,
reread all of the Gospels again, the acts, but he says that Paulo was "A
big old homophobe." Sexist, and racist too.  I could not find any thing to
refute it, in the Gospels, and even Senior White never mentioned it.  Both
have the blood of Angels, but they are homosexual, so perhaps it was his
mortal side, or the sin, but he did not seem to be lying.  He has a very
sincere face, and it's only later that I can wonder, or what I can believe
from what he said.  But mortals, even with the blood of angels can fail.  I
suppose there would not even be halfbreeds if they couldn't be weak,
tempted by mortal debaucheries.  Also, I do not understand all of it, some
is beyond my ken.

   "He's grooming you." He nodded, then the boy did in agreement.  "He tell
you the magic number?  When you're old enough, to be married, and start
cranking out babies for Him."

   "When I am a teenager." Still more than a year before I officially take
that Choice.

   "Well, it ain't legal, but lucky thirteen." He shrugged, still looked
mad, and disgusted.  "Huh!  Not like bigamy, international sex tourism;
are." The other one continued on his lap, "I'll have to talk to his
lawyer," they giggled.

   They look right, together.  Once I got over coveting the angelic one, I
could feel nothing wrong with them.  Listen to that still small voice in my
heart, it told me my harlotry was wrong, and yes now I have to admit my
engagement to Lawrence White, "Huh!" The angels can be tempted by mortals,
even fall to damnation, and so the angelic mortals, of course.  They
weren't possessed, and I started crying with the revelation that Lawrence
isn't a Prophet, he is corrupt.  He called it Grooming, but he tempted me,
and seduced me, and though men had many wives in the old testament, I knew
just thinking about him laying with them.

   "There," they held me, "There." Just held me, rubbed, and patted my
back, but it felt like my mama and papa, when I came home hurt, and
frightened, or woke up from a nightmare.  Yes, when I stopped crying it was
as if I was awakened, and the nightmare was over.  I was back, out here, in
the trees, talking to an angel, and his lover.  Also, it is not as if
angels are really male or female, they are more interracial, I suppose,
than homosexual.

   Oliver {bBG NS Mnem Mole.  Bb Frot/Hand...}

   "Okay, there's sex, then there's." I had time to think, "Other sexual
things." She's still obviously traumatized, and being groomed by another
pedophile isn't helping.  He's given her a timetable, from "God" so not in
immediate danger, but that means time to build a better Case.

   "For example," Steve went on, "You played Doctor with him?"

   "Yes," she remembered, "When we first met.  He brought books to our
school, and talked to us.  Read to us, and told us stories.  He also spoke
to our church, though he is not Catholica, he's Universalist."

   "Huh!" Behind me.  "Means basically the same thing, translated from
Greek." Dryly, like whenever he's trying to sound analytical, but he never
ceases to impress me when it's insightful.

   "But he `examined' you?" Common excuse for molestation, for doctors, and
I guess a missionary posing as one.  I shook my head, guess I missed it
because he never looked at me, or any of the boys likeat.  Touched us, he's
a hugger, and very affectionate, I must admit to thinking about him, when
we can be alone together.  In my defense, it was before he told me he loved
me.  Which is the agreedapon point in our relationship after which we talk
about cheating, but we still talk about it.  That's what we mean by an
"Open" relationship.

   "What?"

   "Sorry." She looked back at Steve.

   "He said I could keep my clothes on." And I can feel.  Well, I am
sitting in his lap, and it's not cheating if we're both here, thinking
about it.  "He asked me what the men did, and he started.  He didn't do
everything, but he asked about it.  When they did more."

   "What did he do, though?" I think he wants them virginal, or would
prefer, they be as virginal as possible.  Not opportunistic, but some
victims are better because they can be kidnapped, or bought as a sex slave
and imported.  Maybe he can overlook that, and give her time to get tight
again?  Perhaps.

   Not sure why he's so turned on, but I feel his pulse, against my leg.  I
know that turns me on, but I magine he'd fantasize it as him.  Mr.  White
is pretty young, but good looking, very charming, and unfortunately
straight.  Not against gays, we hold hands here, nobody said anything, but
I could tell a lot of them wanted to, or were thinking, and not approving.
But we don't need approval, most of them take time to accept us, and some
never do.  "Huh!"

   But she's touching herself, so he lets go of my hands, in my lap, and he
likes to dress up.  In drag, I like it too.  I always thought he's
beautiful, but he can be pretty for me, and is starting to accept that.  He
doesn't frown when I call him prettyboy, that's a start.  And he lets me
smack his butt, it's not spanking, but we compromise.  It's a relationship.

   But, "Huh!" My eyes are open, but the fantasy.  With Steven, of course.
But I bet he could to Mr.  White.  I'm white too, but I have dark hair, and
eyes, and I wonder how we can do the Missionary position.  But really, I
flashback to the dream.  Waking up to him hard behind me, slipping it
between my cheeks, and into me.  Like he never will, but, "Hh," he slips
his hand down from my hip, and into my underpants like this, and "HhHhHhH!"

   It feels a little cooler now, I shiver, and his fingers slip back out of
my underpants.  Pat it a little, then he does up my shorts again.  "Hm?" I
look back at her.  What were we talking about?  But she's got her eyes
closed, and with her hand in the way you can't really see how flat, and
empty her underwear is.  So, I keep rutting, or start bumping my butt back
into his lap, and listen to him breathe until he grunts, and wets his
panties.  I forget what ones he had on for church.  I giggled, we're on
holy ground, I guess.  But, with what I know about it's founding father,
I'm not sure how sacred it ever was.

   "Hh!" I got up, "Let's go find more victims," and led him off by the
hand.  He does most of the talking, so I have more time to think.

   Donee {GM...D Poss Reli Hyst... In brief, sHe wears him like a black
trench-coat, with 2 rows of pyramid spikes on the cuffs.}

   Shake my wrists in the sleeves, "Yes?" Little migrant girl, or looked
like {"You don't, Have, to live like a refugeeee;" ~T.  Petty} Hum to
myself.

   "You know Ollie, and Steve."

   "The elf, and the fairy," nod.

   She giggles.  "They said that, you help children like us to understand;"
At a loss for words.  No accent, tough that's not how he'd say it either,
and the way she talks suggests English as a second language, possibly
learned formally from reading, and in a school.  So, "Youra' Immigrant."

   "Yes, from Belmopan,"{InBelize, CentralAmerica.}

   "{Metzit'ah;?" Looks Latin, and Mayan.} Right by the Yukatan.  Didn't do
great in Geography, but my memory has been a lot better lately.{Or Recall.}

   "Yes, Mixed race, some of my ancestors were The People." Most tribes
call themselves that, Ironically not the white ones.  What's ironic about
that?  {Right, Eugenics.} The one race that repeatedly tries to take over
the darker ones, and make them like more like, well ideally Steven.  {Your
just jealous,} shake my head.

   "What happened to you?"

   "Well," she looked around, and automatically started back, out of sight.
"Huh!  We were poor, and my father owed a debt to the, Cocanistas?"

   "Mexican, or Columbian?"

   "Mexican.  Yes, so we helped him repay some of his debt."

   "Sex slavery."

   "Yes, only I understood it to be working to keep my father alive, and
they told us stories.  They kill families, and take a long time to enjoy
it."

   "Thought the Maya were gone."

   "We did not live in their pyramids.  You know, the Puebla?"

   "{Mmhm?" Nod,} "Hearda them.  {Most of the tribes up here are Canoe, and
Totem people.}"

   "Yes, I read about your native nations in school."

   "You don't seem to be very traumatized by your, work."

   "Oh, they fed us, and gave us nicer clothes.  Nicer then these."

   "Your dressed like a Mennonite, so lemme guess, you're up with the hippy
missionaries?" I looked up in the general direction of the commune, and
felt my lips tighten.  "Hn." Licked them.

   "You are Spanish, or Anglo?"

   "Italian," Shake my head.  Short for Donatello.  {Hahaha!} Yes, named
after the fucking Ninja Turtle.  {Sorry,} and a little self-conscious about
it.

   "What do you know about Pastor White?" {Giggles,} Again why that's
funny, {Irony again.}

   "He told me, about the angels."

   "What about them?"

   "Some of them fell to hell with Satan, and others only came as far as
Earth.  Like Jesus, and the prophets, only the sex was taken out of the
bible so it can be taught to children."

   "He teaches you, though." She's `Special.'

   "He is of the Blood of Angels, it's not in history, but the Cossacks,
the modern people who became the caucasian race were interbred with Angels.
They can be tempted, but mortal sin.  Some repented, and others became
mortal."

   "Arians," nod, "Uh, blond, blue eyes." {Heard this one before,} or parts
of it sound familiar, {Only not marching across Europe with
reservations-through-deathcamps, but yeah, he's totally Eugenic.  "Like
most religions, he's got a little right, and a whole lot wrong.  First of
all, the devil did that.  He likes to breed humans," and uh, other,
"Mortals.  And secondly, he didn't do it in Khazakstan, he did it in
Mediterrania." Well, he might've done it there too, like I said, he likes
to breed people.} Why?  {Because he's a Scientist.  Sort of, dr.  Mengele
kinda scientist,} and I'm possessed by a demon.  {You're not surprised,
casual satanists.  Probably never noticed because your used to talking to
yourself.}

   "The sea?"

   "Yeah, well a couple hundred thousand years ago, it froze over, and
partially dried up.  There're islands too, but when He sent Gibraltar."
Meteor?  {Yes,} "Huh!  Long story short, all the stories got told so many
times there's a lot more noise than Truth left.  This was thousands of
years ago, and they told it around the fire for generations before they
were able to write any of it down.  So, all the creation myths are more
myth than historical fact.}"

   This explains a lot.  {You'll have to process, I'll help you out later,
but right now I have to talk to her.} All right.

   "Like the Garden of Eden, and Noah."

   "Same story, some cultures call it Atlantis, but really there was an
ice-dam blocking the Mediterranean, until it broke, and the Atlantic
destroyed the civilization there."

   "How do you know all this?" Good question.

   "Because I'm a fucking demon, and kind of the Prophet for the devil
himself."

   "The anti-christ."

   "Yes, to this neo-judeo-christian mythology of yours.  I'm Lilith, or
that's what you people called me." She looked doubtful.  "Oh, and He's
running the church you go to." {Pretty sure.} You can feel Him?  {Yeah, He
created me, and He puts out a lot of Magic.  "Look around.  You mortals
have every sin, among them Hubris.  Pride, don't look down, this is Hell,
and humanity are the demons.  So, you put a little spin on your myths. 
This is all translated into concepts you understand, but Prometheus or
Lucifer wasn't cast down by God for turning against Them."}

   "Whom?" Great diction.

   "God.  God is Plural.  It's like this sexless hive-mind, any of them
could be reasonably construed as an Angel, but the one assigned to Earth
was corrupted.  By Mortals."

   "So I'm a demon too?"

   "You're human." Nod "And, huh Homo Quatzequotli, I'magine.  Uh,
descendants of the tribes that migrated down from Alaska."

   "Truly?"

   "Yeah, pretty sure.  Humanity, and it's races, well there's lots of
overlap, but you're basically demons.  The answer to Fermi's FAQ is the
reason nobody comes around here is we broadcast "Come to Earth, and we'll
fuck you up!" for the last 80 years, and counting...  The Devil's one of
the angels that came here, and discovered sin, I'm for lack of a better
word His sexual fantasies."

   "And how many of you are there?"

   "Iaknow," the rest are all copies, "It's not really such a small world,
after all." ~W.  Disney.} I got it.  {Credit where it's due.}

   "But I'm a christian." Huh!

   "Christianity is wrong.  Every religion put together don't know it all,
and the main reason is because God ain't here.  They don't come here, just
the Devil." And anyone he decided to Ascend to immortality.

   She pulled out my wallet, "You poor, or broke?"

   "I don't have any money," {Hand her a $20}

   "What's this for?" she folds it right up.

   "Well, this is far enough back,"{And we need to process}"Now I don't
have to pay for sex, so we'll call it a tip." ;)

   "For what?" she pulled up her skirt.

   Shrug, "Whatever you want," sat on a handy log, "Why don't you call the
shots?"

   "Well," she took my hand, and stepped in.  Dropped her skirt over my
arm.

   "Hh," it's warm in there.

   "Privilege..."

   Donny {MD NS}

   She just kept talking.  {We should probably talk.  Just tune it out.}
But I'm saying it, {Yeah, but this is important enough to get it over
with.} and were having sex.  {We're.  You'll remember it later, like it's
happening in front of you.  Now, any questions?}

   {You're Lilith?} and Prometheus, she remembered bringing Fire back to
some cavemen.  {Troglodytes.  Yes, yes, and yes, with some caveats.} The
stories aren't true.  {Right, there's homeopathic levels of truth, because
you can't handle the truth.  I'm lying just enough for you to understand
it.} In my own terms.  {Yeah, I kinda haveta customize it, every time we do
this.}

   {And he's the Devil?} Seen him around.

   {Oh, good.  Did you smell Him?} Why don't you go right up there and {He
can sense me too, duh!  I'm trying to figure out what He's up to, so I'm
staying out of range, which is pretty far out here.  There's some
powerlines, and a few antenna in between.}

   He never comes down here.  {Of course not.  Sorry, can't really explain,
but He'd rather hop on his personal single engine plane, and fly off to
Somalia, or whatever.  Over the rockies, but he does live like a Rock Star.
Belize is close, and they speak English, so immigration is easier for his
harem, and their families.} He says he's Asexual.  {He didn't call it that,
no you remember, he said "Married to God."} You remembered for me. 
{Flashing back.} You weren't there?  {Oh, I haven't been living with you,
I've possessed you off, and on for about half a decade, but I like you. 
So, it's mostly been you.}

   {You're behind the sex-abuse, crusade, thing!  But you're a demon?} The
difference between an angel, and demon is less than between black, and
white.  People, um, we're all different, but not all of us live in peace,
and harmony.  {So, it's what side you're on.} Yeah, but around here,
there's basically just the 2 of us, AFAIK.  Sorry, As Far As I Know.  {It
helps to think, in words like this.  ?} Yeah, while I'm talking, just try
to see the words in your head, instead of hear them.

   Yeah, I'll try that.  ?  {So anyway, yeah.  I experiment too, this one's
kinda like a Control.  Uh!  Okay, you have to compare data to something,
but to get a baseline, I need a lab clear of any noise data.  Like longterm
sexual abusers.  This valley's pretty isolated, and I have to sterilize it,
like a petri dish.} You know I failed science.  {Well you should know, I
helped "Discover" it.}

   What're you testing for?  {Oh, I'm isolating the Commune, sounds like
the boys might have contaminated it, but I'll get the memories next time
I'm over there.} Psychically?  {As you understand it, yeah.} I have
suspected, {Oh, they're not psychic.  Well they're psychically synced, like
twins.  They think a lot alike, so when they talk together, they trigger
thoughts in eachother.} Why they finish eachother's sentences.  Come to
think of it, I know some old married couples like'at.  Like grandparents
old.  {Well, it usually takes developing, or decades of living together,
but I accellerated it.} By accident?  {Until I noticed it happening.}

   Carmine {GM... Con?  IDFK}

   "So," let me see if I understand, "It is like an economy, the rich, and
the poor."

   "Yeah, only it gets more complicated when you factor in countries,
beliefs, language, races, gender, sexualities, and so forth."

   I see that.  We didn't have sex.  Like most of the men I was with, the
Touristos, he was affectionate, and touched me, but we didn't take off our
clothes, and I do not believe he finished.  He just kept talking, but he is
more man than boy, and nothing came out.  Strange underwear, like women's
underwear, and it was black as well.  Up here, at this latitude, you can
wear that much black, and he wore a coat.  I am used to rain, as are they
up here, the dry season is almost over."

   "Mhm?" He looked up.  It just feels cooler to me, but, "Did you get
off?"

   I shook my head.  He made a curious face, I interpret as ?  "Well, I
don't; like you said, `get off.' I feel better, all this talk of angels,
and demons, and white/male privilege, I'll have to think about," what to
believe, "But I had fun."

   "You wanna get off?" He raised his eyebrow.

   "I believe that I am too young," and men have tried.

   "Yeah, but you're a girl, and with you it's most likely more about the
person, or fantasy then the physical, stimulation.  Huh!  I watched you get
off, intellectually, but you're old enough for it to start working
physically, if you don't mind me trying." No, "You wanna head back to my
camp, or are you comfortable out here?"

   "You have a camp?"

   "I don't like payin rent, and we live in a temperate jungle, so yeah. 
You fantasize at all?"

   "About privilege," the most.

   "Right, poor to broke, I useta do that, but INS, sorry, I'm Not Sure how
much longer this economy is going to be running."

   "How do you mean?"

   "We're overdue for a crash, search me why the Atrocity Wars didn't
escalate, but now we're on the Fuel Wars, so I'm guessing peak oil,
whenever that is.  Guess I'll have to look into the petro-economy some more
to say when, but it's handy while we have it."

   "What?"

   "Money, but it's a shitty way to keep score.  Unless you got enough to
buy Power, and for some reason those people don't know when to stop when
they have enough." He patted my pocket, "You still got that $20 I gave
you?"

   "You want it back?"

   "Tell you what, I bet I can get you off.  Double or nothing."

   "If you can't?"

   "I'll give you another twenny.  Then, try to help you figure out
what-all turns you on."

   "Do you sell drugs?"

   "Why, do you smoke?"

   "Oh, I mean coca."

   "You're addicted to cocain?"

   "No, but I like cocain."

   "Right, cocanistas, you called them?"

   "No, that's what they called us.  My father was addicted, but we just
liked it, and it helped us stay up."

   "At night, that the busy shift at the whore house?"

   "No, but I had to go to school."

   "Pardon if I offended you."

   "Huh!" Not really, "They say that also, where I am from.  Or Jorra!  You
did not say it that way."

   "I ment no offense,"

   But that is what I am.  "Pastor said that he would take me away from
that life.  However, what you have said of Privilege, it feels like it was
another way of it."

   "Sex slavery," he nodded, "Goes beyond prostitution."

   "Where is your camp?"

   "Right there."

   I looked down his finger like pistol sites, "I cannot see it."

   "Of course not, it's a squatter camp, in National Forest.  Not supposed
to hunt, or trap, neither.  You don't want to talk about it?"

   "No, but I need to, don't I?"

   "Contraction," he blinked his closest eye.  "It helps, your experience
might've probably," he uses a lot of them "repressed your sexuality.  So,
if you can examine it well enough to explain it to someone as if I know
nothing about it."

   "It was done to you?"

   "I have done it.  Prostitute, hustler, giggelo, John, pimp, madam, and
child sex trafficker.  I'm a sex devilla, running outta things I ain't
done."

   "Okay," and that actually makes it easier.  "They just touched me.  You
specialize in sexual sin?  I was young, so I specialized with the ones who
just like to touch.  Virgins, also, my virginity was, the most valuable.  I
made the most money, and I got big parties for it."

   "A lot of coca." he nodded, "Before and after."

   "For everyone.  Yes."

   "The other, your peers?"

   "My brother, and sisters, and my cousins."

   "Big business."

   "Yes," international.

   "So child molestors, nothing hard, or brutal."

   "Huh!" I look down.  Stop.  "Hn!" Close my eyes, and cover my face
before he hugs me.

   "I'm sorry, I know it hurts, but it's part of the process."

   "No," I started to feel better.  "NhHn!  It was, supposed to be that
way, but."

   "Some men can't always control themselves."

   "Yes," his shirt was dry, if I kept moving it around with my hands, and
my eyes.  "Nh?"

   "Take your time," he patted and rubbed my back, and it helped me feel
better, more quickly.

   Donna {BG Oral Cons}

   {Hey!} Wanna see some magic tricks?  {What kind of magic?} The only kind
I know.

   She liked her camp.  {I'magine a shanty town.} Can't really take credit
for it, guess who I learned how from.  Took me all the way down to
Portland, hitchiking, and shopped at Andy and Bax.  Knows she can get
everything she needs there.

   She pulled out the $20.00 bill.  {Well, I'm gonna show you how lesbians
do it.} I've seen porn, but {Nothing like that, almost can't be farther
from the truth,} and there was a But: That's nothing like learning from a
Master.

   {Or mistress, as the case may be, but I'm not gonna Domme her.} A
backtrack of her mind played a rizing beat.  {The Sisters of Mercy - Under
the Gun(A Slight Case of Overbombing).  }

   She just set it down, on a rock, under a smaller rock.  "Okay!" warm up
my hands, "You like the clothes?" She looked down, held out her skirt. 
Never took them off, "Then take them off." I pulled the bedroll out of the
hammock, and unfolded a tarp.

   Supposed to rain, for the last 3 weeks if you listen to the broadcast. I
only get one station up here, and it's Weather Service.  Kind of nice. 
"Good, you want to take a shower?"

   "You have a shower?" She looked around.

   I pointed up, at the black bag, hanging in the sun.  I really like rural
Washington.  I know, Twilight land, but once you get dried in, you don't
really have to go far for everyone to leave you the fuck alone.  And the
people, are relatively nice, and tolerant, for rural American humans.

   Thought about it, shook her head.  Bangs, but other than that straight
down the back, and it could probably resist light glass if it wasn't thrown
too hard.  Seriously strong looking hair.  I can smell the menstrual
hormone, Progesterone, mostly, but not any of the blood.  We might need to
wash off later.

   Looks virginal, but played the virgin for INS how long.  "What do I do?"

   "Good question, get started so I can see what turns you on." Just felt
on the outside, even with her panties off, I sniffed them.  Not aroused
yet, but there was a bit of dried leakage, she didn't wear a tampon or pad.
White, though, plain cotton.  {I know, I fetishize them.} The white cotton
ones?  I blinked at the image of them wetting, soaking through, and turning
translucent as they cling to the skin.

   "Oh." I stepped in, "Let me try." She moves her hand.

   "Do you mind taking off your clothes?" Hard as a fucking rock, BTW.

   "If you like," I snapped open his buckle, and dropped them within the
second.

   "Are these," she felt, "Women's underpants?"

   Black satin "Panties.  Yeah," just a little stretch lace rolled down on
top of the waistband.  {They're tight,} he shifts uncomfortably.

   {Part of the point.} "Huh!" It slips out, and the skin rolls back.

   {Yeah, I know but it's still your thing.} You put `em on this morning.

   She giggled, "Well, they're pretty."

   "Thanks." {Your welcome.} You're?  {Whatever.} What's with the,
{Braces?} Yeah, {Long boring story, girl right here!}

   Yeahbut she's so young!  {And you're so gay!} Yeah, but at least with a
woman, {She's a woman.  Maybe not physically, but they made her one in that
Cocanista factory.  She wants this, do it for her, or if you want to sit
this one out.} No, I'm a bit curious.  The lesbian thing, I know straight
guys just wanna see 2 hot chicks go at it, but they're like my opposite
sex, and being Alien} you have a great concept of that, {Thanks, we don't
have sex with eachother.}

   "I'm a hustler." Quid-pro-quo.{Gotit.} "That's like prostitution, only
instead of a safehouse you got strangers in tearooms, like the Men's room
at the truck-stop.  Pretty risky, though." {I wouldn't suggest it without
cybernetic control over your immune system.} You're cybernetic.  {Also, as
she would say.} She does say it a lot.

   "Also," she looks up, "They're not pedophiles like you said most of
yours were.  Mine were like, well gay, bi, or pedorasts, but poor.  Bikers,
Migrant Workers, Truckers, Loggers..." {You like loggers.} Yeah, the smell
of sawdust with the feel of flannel.  I understand the panties, it's just
not me.  "Mountain men!" {This is about her.} "Right, what do you like?"

   "Men," Got that, "Um, I like you.  You are, a lot like Steve?" She likes
Steven!  {I got that, also.} "I like your panties."

   "Huh!" {Wouldn't fit her, though.} Her hand, it's small, but rough. 
{Rougher than Arachael's.  Never mind, longstory.} Tell me later.  Wow. 
{Somewhere between Ollie, and Ra'Toine.} He's a girl?  {Not any more.}
Wait, you can control growth?  {Accelerate it,} I felt my, hormones? 
{That's what I ment, I can smell hormones too?} Pheromones, but those are
stimulated by hormones, too.  "HuhH!"

   She's aroused.  {Yeah, I noticed,} but this is about getting her off,
you want to lose 40 bux?  {Not really,} but you have to get off first.  All
right, but don't get sexually selfish, that path leads to the Darkside. 
{What kind of demon are you?}

   A guardian angel.

   Carmine {GD Cons...}

   I do not know all of what he did.  I felt it, but I wasn't thinking
about it the whole time.  He put me up, on a branch.  Hung his pants, and
my dress over it first, and told me to hang onto one in front of me.  I
slipped off at one point.  His tongue split me open, and the hairs under
his nose brushed me, then I bumped it very hard, and I was hanging from the
top branch.  He held on to my legs, and put them up on his shoulders, so I
let go, held onto his head, and reached down with my other hand.  I think I
got a little sap in his hair.

   He held me, like a seat, but his thumbs were under me.  He spread me
open, then I felt his mouth again, and I am not sure how long after that,
he just layed down on the ground.  I laughed, and felt swollen.  Against my
fingers, I didn't touch them with my sticky fingers, and I had to pull a
hair off.  "Whew!"

   He picked me up, and set me down.  Now, I could feel my pulse, and then
his, slowing, until mine caught up with his, and he held my hands.

   "h!" I didn't think about the forty dollars.  He held me up, I can not
describe most of what I felt, however I loved all of it, and I do not
believe we moved.  Since I sat down.

   "Hn." Under me, then "hhhHHH!" catching myself, and laying down on his
chest.

   "Huh huh huh!" He was wet, sticky, and hairy.  I didn't care.  He rubbed
my back, arms and shoulders.  It felt wonderful.  "HhHhH!" I shivered.

   "You all right?"

   I kissed his chest, licked my lips, "I believe I'll have that shower
now." He helped me up.  Tucked another bill under the rock, "Keep it," ;)
"You need it more'n me.  Might want to get something nicer to wear."

   "Uh!" He wiped me, dryly, then held my underpants under my nose. 
"Except these," He tucked them in his pocket, "I like these." Didn't even
smell them, but I can get them free from the clothing donation box.  "White
cotton, no frills."

   "They don't even have tags on them," I like them too, they're
comfortable.

   Ollie {MmbG Bi/Troi/Tetr...}

   "So, how'd you two get along."

   "Donny said I should talk to you next, and," she looked back at him. 
And Steve, walking off with him.

   "You need anything from the store?" I could see in his light brown eyes
that I have nothing to worry about, and it's not as if I don't trust them.
Alone together, "Huh!  You two didn't."

   "We just played with ourselves.  Together, and eachother."

   I held up my hand, "Got it." I really just don't want to miss anything,
and hear about it later, again.  I love both of them differently, but
together.  No one else understands us the way we do eachother, I doubt very
many could.  "Huh!" and I had time to think about it, I didn't, which is
probaby why they left us alone.  The problem seems to be she doesn't start
the conversation, so I have to at some point.

   "I had my first orgasm." There, good, I can work with that.

   "Any ideas what might have been holding you back?" She has an accent,
but excellent English.

   "Have you talked with Reverend White about, the secrets?"

   "Is he a Cabbalist?" Wouldn't surprise me.

   "I don't know about them, but he tells us, the annointed.  Secrets of
the Angels, the Blood, magic, all kinds of things."

   "That he doesn't in the sermons?  I know I've lately been thinking he
holds back.  I used to think it was pausing, to make a point, but I have
wondered if he's telling us everything.  Why, what did he tell you?" Oh
good, it's about the Case.

   "Well, he said that people like him had the blood of angels."

   "And what did Donny tell you?"

   "Um, that he's a demon.  Or he has a demon, been called by many names,
mentioned Lilith."

   "Sounds like Liggetti," his last name, "He never mentioned that, but he
has a way of sharing his fantasies, or blending them with yours."

   He's a satanist.  "Is he insane?"

   "He's a functional Psychopath." She doesn't look scared, "Do you know
what that is?" Apparently not, "Sorry, he's tempermental, impulsive, and
can be triggered to irrational fits of violence."

   "What kind of violence?"

   Confusing bindingy fast, and a bit sadistic, "Well, the important thing
is he's triggered by sexual violence, especially against women.  He's also
a dominant masochist, but I can explain that later.  I just tell you this,
to warn you.  If you go out, and you're threatened, he would kill to
protect you."

   "Why is that wrong?" She saw it in my face,

   "Because he doesn't need to be a murderer, and there's a risk that if he
starts, he won't stop."

   "What happened to him?"

   "If he didn't tell you," I shook my head, "It's not my place."

   "Remember when, we played with ourselves together?" Nod, "Also, I was
wondering about that because you're gay, but;"

   "Okay, sexuality is complex, I'm sure you got that by now.  Gay can mean
a lot of people, but for the 3 of us, that means making love.  Donny's gay,
but not narrow.  He can be sexual with anyone, but he has sex with men,
because that's what he prefers.  On the other hands, Masturbating together,
molestation, sexual debriefing;"

   "What is that?"

   "Victims of sexual trauma relive it." Good, she knows from experience,
"But can't, well they often have trouble understanding it alone, so have to
relive it with someone who knows how to understand it."

   "Yeah, we did that."

   "With Donny too, much worse guys to have your first orgasm with."

   "You too?"

   "No," I tasted him first, "But Steven was with him, before me.  It was,
well there was some abuse involved, they're both groomed and molested by
the same man, but."

   "Can you do that with me?  The sexual, debreifing, thing."

   "Huh!" I can try, "I haven't before, but what are you talking about?"

   "I was molested, before."

   "You started working?" Seems to prefer that word.

   "No, before I was a virgin.  I was molested for money, then I started
having sex.  And coca.  Sorry, that's a different one, but Donny made me
think I may be an addict too."

   "May be related, did they reward you with it?" She nods, "Okay, then
yes, it's not an uncommon way to control prostitutes, from what I've read.
With asexual child prostitutes, it may also have been used to simulate
pleasure."

   "Yes," she thought, "I understand that." Now?  "Ay!"?"It's not the same,
and I have not wanted it since I got back, but then we started talking
about sex, which had me thinking about sex.  So, I believe you are right.
We could not, orgasm.  However, I believe it may have given it to us so we
want to have sex.  Or, be molested by the men."

   "Why?"

   She thought, "Because, I believe it worked?  At first, they promised us
things, a better life, and then I cried, after the first time with a man.
It, ah!  It didn't hurt."

   "You can cry," she didn't hold back, but took a while.  And a deep
breath.

   "I felt so wrong, but he told me, `Here, this will make you feel
better.' It did, and then when I started having sex, an older girl showed
me that you can chew up the leaves, and put it where it hurts to take the
pain away."

   "You mean," I looked down at her dress, over her.  "Not the purified
white cocaine, but the leaf."

   "Yes, the fresh green ones.  Coca." She nods, "It is an ancient
medicine, they didn't give us the drug.  They make that for A'merica." Her
accent.

   "Do you smoke?" I happened to have the joint I rolled earlier.

   "Marijuana?"

   "Is that how you say it?" She nodded, "Your guess is better than mine.
Have you tried it?" She shook her head, "Well, sometimes it helps, and
sometimes it doesn't.  One way to find out," but if I'm going to molest
her, I better get a head-change.  She shrugged, and walked up, "Don't take
too much of a hit," pulled it out, "Or hold it in too long." She blew out,
I took another hit.

   .

   .

   "Huh!" She doesn't talk too much, but this will work a lot like talk
therapy, with stimulation to hopefully keep her from flashing back too
hard. "Cummere," I set it down, and patted my lap.  I've never really been
molested, came close once, but my husband and I have a fantasy life.  We
role play, that's my role, and I've talked to hundreds of victims.  "Did he
touch you like this?"

   On her leg, I rubbed it.  She nodded.

   "All right, tell me when it starts to feel uncomfortable."

   "Or I start to go away?"

   "You pull back, so it's as if you're watching it?"

   "I can," this isn't too bad, "I learned to."

   "When," she started wincing, "Stay with me, it's only a memory.  I'm
right here, take a deep breath, smell the forest you're in right now, and
don't close your eyes." The problem is remembering without flashing back.

   "When he broke me," she crossed her legs, "Inside." I just rubbed her
skirt.

   "Stay with me, and try to push that down.  Don't forget it, but instead
of retreating to that safe, let the everything you felt fall down, and lock
it away."

   She closed her eyes,

   .

   .

   "Okay?" And looked up.  Or forward, from down, I could see the lenses in
her eyes like a dreamer's, but she just stared off into the dark...
"Hhuhhh!" She took a breath.  Blinked, "Is that the drug?"

   "You probably feel it by now, but what else do you feel?"

   "I am not certain." another breath, but calm, thinking.  "Better, about
what happened."

   "Dissassociation can work either way," I believe it's rare, but; "If you
can separate the feelings that were forced on you, then you can learn to
think, Rationally about it." Or if you can't, it will drive you insane.

   "Nh!" she spread her legs.  "Would you mind," she lifted her skirt,
"Touching me?"

   Actually, I did not.  At all, I was nervous, but it didn't feel bad, and
she seemed to need it, but I think it reassured her more than anything. 
"Huh!" And we all have these issues to deal with.  I don't like girls, but
I don't want to hate them, and they're abused as well.  I should learn how
to work with them too.

   "I don't know how." I didn't move, or really fee anything except her
underwear.

   "That's fine," she touched the back of my hand, "Just hold it.  Here." I
didn't move.  She curled fingers under, toward her bottom.

   "Would you mind if I touch your bottom?"

   "No," she turned, her hip.  Kind of.  "Here." She moved my hand. 
Between her legs but just the cotton against my pinky, and the edge of my
hand.  I could feel her pulse in both thighs, mine was a little faster?  I
pushed up the side of her skirt, and felt.  It doesn't feel like a boy's
bottom, or either of the two I've really been sexual with, but it's not too
bad.  Not as hard, firm but rounder.  "Hn!"

   "You like that?" I rubbed back and forth with both thumbs.

   "Yes," her hair rested on her shoulder, then she just lay down her hair.
"I like this.  It's not, well it doesn't feel like anything else.  You said
uncomfortable, but this is the most comfortable feeling to me."

   "Good," I shifted, "But we might need to move in a minute." before her
hip puts my leg to sleep.

   "Would you like to go lay down?"

   "Yeah," the shelter is right there, "And maybe take a nap." I slept with
my brothers and sisters, it was more like that than anything sexual.

   "Mh." I almost drifted off, or maybe I did, but she scooched against my
erection.

   "Huh!" I felt down her side, to her hip, and pressed the side of her
buttock out.

   "Mhm." She settled, "That is comfortable."

   "Good," and below my belt, so I could slip my hand up between her back,
and my tummy.  She turned away, started slipping her skirt off, so I got my
shorts down.  She reached back, felt me through my underwear.

   "I have not slept with a boy before."

   "Me neither," meaning a girl, and `Sleep with.' But, I was hard, and,
"Snh, You smell nice."

   "You too." And I was hard, and she pushed the waistband back behind my
scrotum.  I felt her underwear, on it.  The little gap, between it and her
crack.  "Hm." It's perfectly natural, and her hair started smelling better,
and better.  She turned over, felt me, and looked in my eyes.  She bit her
lip, kissed me, then nodded.

   I didn't do anything, she held me in one hand, and guided my hip with
the other.  Put her leg over mine, and "Oh." She was so warm, and moist
inside.

   "Huh!" She kissed me again, but we didn't move, for a while after that.
We didn't sleep, either.

   Oliver {Bf...m NS}

   "So," she stared at us, "Who's the bottom?" A while.

   "Huh!" roll my eyes, "We're both gay, we both like guys, and we're not
fucking yet.  So, neither and/or both." Pretty much the standard answer to
the FAQ.  They ask me often enough, I tend to think of something.

   "Sorry," she came over, "I didn't mean to offend you, it's just, you
guys fascinate me."

   "Well;" go on...

   "I mean, you're obviously so happy together, and," she looks up like
that.  "Uh!  I just wish I could find someone like that."

   "Another girl?"

   "No a man." she shakes her head, "I mean yeah, maybe a little
bi-curious, but;"

   "But," she didn't finish, and her expression changed.

   "Huh!" Steve kissed my hand, and kept holding it in my lap.  Right there
on the bus, it's a long ride, but it's been 6 years, and people don't
really talk about it.  So much as our sexuality being overshadowed by our
triple handedly busting up a county-wide pedorasto, and childporn ring. 
Oh, and my mother's the County Prosecuter now.  So, they stopped fucking
with us about it.

   Now, it's mostly just annoying.  "So, what's the problem?"

   "Huh!" She leaned in, right next to us on the seat, but the rest of the
kids were pretty loud.  "Well," she looked down, "I'm a little kinky, so
it's been hard finding a boy my age who can, satisfy me."

   "How kinky," Steve asked, and I added, "And kinky how?"

   "Huh!  You know, you guys were, well two of the three that got every
pedophile busted?" Well, just in the county.  "Well, you got my boyfriend
too.  Huh, only he wasn't a boy, he was a grownup adult, so.  Well, I
started," she looked down in the general direction of the top of her lap.
"I started playing with myself, and remembering," she looked around, "Him."
Capital Him.  "And, now I'm horny and I don't have anyone to play with."

   "Well, we're gay." And fairly exclusive, "But I might know someone
who's, he shares some of your experiences.  If you don't mind me asking,"
she's a lady, "How old are you?"

   "Oh, 13.  Why?"

   Other than possible legal ramifications, "Well, I'll tell him about you,
and if he's interested," like there's any shred of a question, he NEEDs
her! I'm so happy I finally found a kinky girl to hopefully make him
happier.  I mean he's trying, but he's also a clinical Psychopath.  Got it
in writing, on prescriptions for it.

   "Oh, and he's a psychopath."

   "Really!?" Only took like 6 years.  Hey, some people take a lot longer.
"Cool!"

   "Not really," cool at all, but as his friend, I feel obligated to help
him cope with it.  As much as I can.

   Joanna {FmB

   "Well, I don't want to tell my whole life story."

   "But it can help." he put his fingertips together, and Steve held onto
his legs.  And it's so weird, seeing two boys just sit like that, on the
bus.  And yeah, it's a long ride, because they have to pick up me, and
Ollie at the gifted school, and then Steve up at the middle school.  Oh,
and they get off in like the town before me.  Long bus, by the way.  And
rural routes, so it literally takes hours.  But there's like 1 bus-stop per
town, our parents come and pick us up.

   "Well, he wasn't my boyfriend, he was my cousin.  But he was grown up,
so I guess more like my uncle.  So anyway, we don't really have nobody to
play with but our family." except our friends at school, but they're
country too, so they understand.  "He was the only boy that played with
me."

   "But he liked sexual play."

   "Not always, I mean, I knowed him all my life," he's older, "But then he
started growin up, you know, and noticing girls.  He was really more like
my best friend, but then, it got more, romantic?" They both nodded.  "Huh!
He really liked cops, and robbers, and playing the badguy," they nod again,
"And especially.  Well, there was this," look around, and lower my voice,
"Special kinda cops and robbers he calls Crime, and Punishment." My face
felt hot just talking about it.

   "What'd he do?"

   "I don't know, robbed a bank, jewelry heist, he was the badguy, so he
had to do something."

   "No, I mean to you."

   "Nothing, I mean he shot at me, and always miss, but the good guys got
to win."

   "Of course." Steve nodded, but Ollie sighed.  "How did it turn sexual?"

   "Well, that was the punishment part.  He did the crime."

   "So you did the punishment?" They finish eachother's sentences too, I
got used to it pretty quick.  "Yeah, I got to tye him up, and spank him,
and do whatever I want."

   "Oh!" he laughed, but the bus stopped, and I did just say that pretty
loud.  I covered my mouth, but a bunch of kids just got off, so we moved
back to an emptier set of seats.  I turned around in mine, so they he
didn't have to sit in Steve's lap.  "You're a dom."

   "A what?"

   "Dominant," but it's confusing looking back and forth when they talk, "I
guess technically a Dominatrix."

   "Yeah," I hearda that, shook my head, "But no.  I mean, I like being
tied up, and," well that's a long list, "Pleasured too."

   "So a switch," they looked at eachother.  Like twins, only nothing like
twins, because they're 2 completely different guys, and they're not even
related to eachother.

   "Yeah," I guess, "Sorry, I don't know all the words." I only really been
with 1 guy, but it was like.  Well, we did a lot of role-play, so it was
really like more than just one guy.  "You guys play any D&D?"

   "No," they looked at eachother and laughed, but didn't share the joke.
They kissed, though, and OMG watching them kiss is just so goddamn sweet,
it almost made me sick.  A little.  I mean, people, normal people tend to
think this is good, and that is bad.  Like gays, they can't think of them
as anything but slutty child molesters, and deviants.  Meanwhile they go
on, and on about Traditional Family Values, and then their Priests molest
boys.

   Well, I ain't never seen a happy straight couple, in my whole life. 
These two, pardon the expression, but they prefer the term "Fairies." They
have the most perfect relationship I've ever seen, and I believe it's
because they don't repress everything.  I don't know, I can't take
psychology yet, but those two are proof that the heteronormative homophobic
stereotype of "Faggots" is complete bullshit, because every single thing
they have to say about them is wrong.

   And as a satanist, I kinda like that.

   Donny {MG...}

   So, they gave me her address, and told her what my car looks like.  It's
a car, an American one, made by somebody in Detroit.  It has an engine,
doors, a back seat, too.  My tutor says I should work on my Descriptions.
It's got paint, wanna guess what color?  Here's a hint: It's not Arrest me
Red.  {Nor Gofasta((TM)) Games Workshop.  Neither.}

   All they told me is she's 13, lives with her folks, is into Kink, and
probably needs help processing her sexual abuse.  She snuck out, now I'm
not telling you what fucking State we're in, but I'm 18, and she's 13, so
it don't really matter, she's Statutory in any of them.  And my car, it has
tires too.  She snuck out, met me at the mailboxes, I had no idea what to
expect.

   "I brought my dice!" Okay, Punk/Goth doesn't surprise me, but she pulls
it off better than any other 13 year old I've seen, and she goes to Ollies'
school, so she's gifted.  Oh, the dice is an allusion to her excuse tonite.
Her parents played D&D with her, so they let her go out and "Role Play"
with her friends.  Yes, I totally saw what she did there.  It's friday
night, so she has to be back some time tomorrow, so she can get to bed at a
decent hour for church.  And she goes, dressed like that.  I think they're
Unitarian?

   "Cool," she shut the door, "Buckle up." I don't get pulled over.  Never
had, and I plan to maintain that record.  So, I have my dates buckle up,
it's a quicker conversation than explaining it to the Staters.  If we're
lucky.  Ain't driving her across the county line.  The main problem is I am
a sexual predator, trying real hard not to be.  Sometimes, Hero Complex can
be a good thing.

   I think the thing is, all the other Scenester kids look like a halloween
costume.  She just buckles up, crosses her legs, and I pull out.  Just like
the first time anyone sees Ollie sitting in Steve's lap.  They're the same
age, very much in love, and the happiest couple I expect to meet in my
life. They tried spanking, for a while, it didn't work out, they moved on.

   She looked comfortable.  You expect her to jump up and down, cheering
about the dark-side waving black, and crimson pom-poms.  She shrugged, and
didn't say much.  Might as well been a skirt, and a teeshirt, just clothes
to her.  "You're," glance over the mix of some overlapping and/or mutually
exclusive iconography.  Guessed, "Wiccan?"

   "Casual Satanist?  I don't guess I'm really spiritual, but I kinda dig
La Vey's Left Hand Path."

   Well, "What's that all about?" It's a long drive, and can't get to know
her if she doesn't talk.  Or think out loud, I think that's what she mostly
did.

   "Yeah," a good satanist?  Sorry, most of my Darkside friends are Wiccan,
there was a Coven in High School, and a Vampire clique I didn't know what
they called themselves, because they're rivals.  Gotta hang out with
someone, the boys were still in middle school, and so they're the next
closest thing to cool.  Okay, it's a pretty progressive country out there,
there's a Christian Commune nearby, Jesus Hippies.  Baptists, and Catholics
too, but they're not as much a majority as say, Texas?  IDK, never been.

   What I'm saying is, that's why you can have an openly gay couple, boys
at that, and it blows over in like 5 years.  If they're Lesbians, we
probably wouldn't even have had to save every child sex abuse victim in the
county we could find.  But, the network was entrenched for decades.  A few
decades, our oldest known offendor started in the 70s.  Sorry, but context.
It's hard to explain how a bunch of Junior-through-Highschool kids can have
this much experience with sex offenders, and victims.  The only reason we
have any Legal power is because we also happen to know the county
Prosecutor, personally.  She lives in town, and incidentally, we helped her
get elected, but I digress.

   "In the interest of Quid Pro Quo, I consider myself an Orthodox
Gnostic."

   "What's that?"

   "A heretic, but a student of the first heretics in christendom." And it
sounds cool, the way I say it.

   "Oh," she grinned, "What's that all about?"

   "Well," I grinned back, "I'm glad you asked that." And winked...

   Joan {GM Femdom.}

   "Just Joan," nice place.  "Got it?" He nodded.  We got the whole
politico/religious small talk out of the way, then we talked kink for a
while, then flipped a coin.

   "Yes, Joan." He lowered his head.  I hate Joanna.  Most of all, I hate
all the clever ways clever people find to clip it into Joanne, Jean, Janie,
Anna, and Annie will probably cost you a little blood.  It'll hurt, I
guarantee you'll feel it.

   He's a "Dominant Masochist," but just from talking to him, at length, he
likes to play with Dichotomies like that.  He's also a "Progressive
Anarchist." and "Existential Nihilist," It's a long story, and there's no
sex in it.  So, moving on.

   "You LIKE pain?" Not submissive, at all.

   "Yes Mistress."

   Backhand, "I TOLD you, my Name is Joan!"

   "Yes," he grinned, "Joan." Also admitted to topping from the bottom, and
I admit, it's pretty fun.  I'm not a Dom, however you spell it.  I can
Dominate, and I like a submissive man, but really I like the whole game of
it.  It's a scene, we're acting.  And pretending, I guess lucky guys like
the fairies don't really need a Fantasy.  Most people don't get that lucky,
and some people need it, because normal is boring.  That goes for normal
sex too.

   No bondage yet, his shoulders flex, he's pulling at his hands as I walk
around him.  Fists tight, white knuckle, but this is actually better
sometimes when someone's into being Bound.  Being held back isn't as hard
as holding yourself, and he's so hard.  Betcha anticipated a swat to that
nice tight, almost boxy ass of your's huh?  Well, I have to hold myself
back too, darling, but I'll get my hands on it soon enough.

   I learned, mostly from watching videos when we ran out of our own
material, that most Doms talk too much.  Slap, and tickle too much.  You
have to stimulate them, that's what this is really what it's all about, but
the Anticipation.  "Suck it in," I slapped his tummy.  As much to feel it
as to snap him out of it, but that's my secret:

   I discovered that Subspace is inside us.  Probably all of us, there's
relatively few that like it in there, but when they do.  The Doms that keep
you constantly stimulated keep pulling you out.  It really sucks, when you
want to snuggle up, and just feel, you kinda have to have been there to
understand, but take my word for it.  The Doms that don't know this
probably don't know the biggest thing about this kind of play:

   It's about the bottom.

   If it's about you, then you can't be the top, might want to try the
bottom.  If you "Top," and you've never been to subspace, you're not a Dom,
you're an abuser.  And that's why we get all that shit out of the way
before we jump right in, and build up from the lightest tap.  Because we
all have issues, and this is for him.  Don't get into BDSM to be the
biggest baddest Dom on the block, because that's not BDSM, and most of us
can spot that a mile away.  You might as well just go out, and kidnap
someone, or check yourself into prison.  Because there they can help you
learn what Abuse is.

   I'll stick to Play.

   {Author here.  Yeah, NS.  That's not just for me, I try to be pretty
good about telling you when the characters' views are the self validating
excuses of an abuser, and not those of the Author.  This time, I'm
compelled to tell you that all of that was Me.  Talking through the
characters, so that you the readers get a chance to know the difference. 
If you're interested in trying any of that kind of stuff, that's how you do
it: Talk about it first, build from the slightest stimulus in the smallest
increments they can tell the difference between, and don't abuse them. 
It's just that simple, don't create victims.}

   Donnie {MG BDSM...}

   "HhuHUH?" It just jumped out, and hands down the best jerkoff I ever
felt.  Wasn't really what she did, or even said, but it took hours, it
ached, I sincerely begged her to let me have a release, and she finally
tortured it out of me.

   "Ew," she wiped it on my mouth, and I lapped at it hungrily.  "You made
a mess!"

   I have to remind myself, she's only 13, and I'm just her second
boyfriend.  "Now," she wiped the rest off on a fresh paper towel, "You
think you can rape me?"

   "What?" No, "Actually, can you give me a minute?"

   "Well," she laughed, "I didn't mean now-now!  Sorry, I mean whenever
you," she waved her black lacy fingerless glove.  "Recover."

   I was already naked, my knees ached, my hands cramped from holding them
behind me, and I can't remember being so satisfied in my life.  Or a
satisfying handjob, before.  Like every time I ever jerked off before, put
together, blown away, and she didn't take off a stitch.  Hope I didn't ruin
that glove, it felt remarkably rough.  I don't even mind her wasting my
juice, I'll make more.

   "Huh!" I took a piss.  "Uh!" Shook it off.  "Mind if I take a bath?"

   "Leave the door open."

   She found my stash, and this time I can't say I wasn't expecting to
bring a barely teenage girl over, but I'm not used to hiding it.  "You got
a pipe?"

   "If you bring me the green cigarette tin," I sat up, "I can roll a
joint."

   She got a little glass spoon out of her purse.  Not that I really wanted
to, I'd rather just go ahead and smoke after that.  She cornered it, left
me some greens, but still lit, so I waved off the lighter.  She set it
down, most 20+ year olds don't just take a hit.  Burn the whole bowl, and
probably pack another, but, apparently she's not likeat, neither. 
"Whhhoooo!" Set down the lighter too.

   "Rape fantasies." Not really a question, she just nodded.

   "After you got him busted," turns out he cheated on me, a lot.  "I guess
I got a little paranoid/" dropped my hand, "/Persecution complex." Kinda
nice hanging out with someone who knows the language, and just nods.  "So
yeah, I started having nightmares, then they turned erotic until I started
playing with myself, and thinking about it."

   "Getting raped."

   "Not like, violently." I don't like pain, told him that.  I know the
stereotype is Cutter, but I never seriously entertained the thought. 
"Yeah, hard but not, painful, or humiliating." I'm not suicidal, either.

   "Narrows it down to reassurance, or possibly acquaintance."

   "What's reassurance?"

   "Stalkers, mostly fantasize, the Reassurance stalkers are the ones with
a delusional," put up his fingers, "Relationship," /quote "With the
victims, tend to break in at night, and only resort to rape, or murder when
the delusion shatters.  Or, the victim plays along, and they get to do the
"Gentleman Rapist" schtick."

   "Yeah," kinda hot, and steamy in here, "And he's got a great bod." Shit,
sometimes I talk to myself, out loud, about someone sitting right in front
of me.  It doesn't usually go as well when they're not comfortably naked at
the time, like at a Starbucks or wherever.

   "Thanks," he shrugs.

   "You're more the Acquaintance type." It's not like lovers with him, it's
just sex.  Which I really like.

   "No, I'm more the Retaliatory type." He changed, I shrunk back a little.
"Sorry," looked so Angry, "A couple of the things you said "no" to earlier.
Pain, humiliation, I guess we're still relative strangers, but that ain't
me."

   "It came out of you," and it was exciting!  "Uh, but you're talking
about Acquaintance," I can always play a stranger.

   "Yeah," later, "Like date-rape.  I wouldn't drug you, or get you drunk,
but it's pretty softcore." For now... "You want the bath water?" I shook my
head, "Wet, or dry?" Got up.

   "Uh," I looked up, "Wet," held up my arms, over my top.

   "Cum on in," he closed the door, "When you're ready." ;)

   He didn't lock it.

   So really, the question is, "Naked or clothes?"

   Donnie {MG "Rape" Fant.}

   Okay, I stood there like a dipshit, dripping, and holding the towel
until I was mostly dry.  Then I noticed the light was out.  In my bedroom,
I hung up the towel, and turned off the light.

   ...

   Listened at the door,

   "..."

   "Huh!" Let my eyes adjust to the dark, and silently opened my own
goddamned bathroom door, to peek out into my bedroom.

   Topping from the bottom, ownright passive aggressive about it, but rape
fantasies, why does this feel like an ambush, should've hung up the
bathmat, and;

   "Hhhhhhhhhh..." I hear her, breathing.  From the bed.

   Oh, Reassurance.  Try not to laugh, shit eating grin, did kinda force
that card, and I'm ready to fucking go.  Wait, rubber, now I'm ready to
fucking go.

   I wonder if that's how she really sounds when she's asleep, don't know
that we'll get all that much sleeping in, but it sounds fake.  A little too
fast and shallow, because she is actually excited, and trying to sound like
she's asleep, and I'm almost giggling, but I don't want to spoil the scene.
She picked it, and you know?  I always wanted to try reassurance rape.  Not
enough to start potentially risky behaviour, like looking for windows to
peep in, because I really don't want to try rape,

   but if I did, I'd want to be gentle about it.  No Anger, I know what it
says in the manual, but that's only when the fantasy breaks, and she's
going to play along, but this is her fucking fantasy!  So, I'm ready, and
she's waited so long anticipation probably isn't going to make her want it
any more.

   "Hm?"

   "It's okay," I didn't cover her mouth.  "It's me."

   "Who?"

   I looked at her, and dropped the mask.  "Don't scream." Here's the
thing, if you play along, I don't haveta rape yuh.

   That was fear.  Or she's a better actress than any I've seen twice her
age.  I tell myself, it's only 5 years.  But it's those 5 years. 
Specifically from 13-18, the 5 years between child, and legal adult, and
he'd tell himself she wants this.  I love her, she has to be able to see it
in my eyes, the same as every time I smiled at her, and she smiled back.

   She relaxes, a little.  Remembered her fantasy, so we don't have to do
what I mean when I say rape.  People don't even think about it, but it's
not one thing to me.  It might be for me, and not for her, because she's on
the bottom, but this one's a lot of work.  He cares, about her pleasure. 
His whole worldview is wrapped up in being lovable.  Deserving to be loved.
It's a fantasy, of course, they're loser cowards that can't even confront a
girl, but at least they don't snatch them from behind in the dark.  Degrade
them, dehumanize them to make myself feel better.

   No, he comes in her room, "I don't want to hurt you," Brush back her
hair with my hand.  "I love you." Hold her head down, and force my lips on
hers.

   Hard, "MhmmMMH!" Like I aint got the slightest clue how to kiss the girl
I "love." Training bra, but enough tit to mash with my thumbs and fingers.
Here's the trick, not hard enough to hurt, but underbid it as close as you
can, so she knows if I squeeze any harder, it's gonna hurt.

   "Hhuhuh!?"

   "You okay?"

   "Uh huh?"

   "I just couldn't never work up the courage to tell you," I guessing
aquaintence/stalker.  Friendzone, but can't make the endzone, so kick it in
for rape.  But it's not rape, she wants it.  I kinda like the rape/not-rape
aspect of it.  Close enough to get her off, not escalating to a very, VERY
bad time.  Don't hurt her, but the threat does seem to excite her, just got
to be passive-aggressive.

   Oh, and I've been reading, ahead.  Like Ollie, I can't say I'm gonna be
a profiler when I grow up, but I can damned well try.  Not with an adult
criminal record, though.  I want the school in Quantico.

   And, extra points for controlling myself.  When I'm this close, fingers
on the underwear of a kinky little barely pubescent girl, in my own bed,
they can bust in with the badges and cameras any time now, but while I got
this Opportunity, I'm going to take my time taking advantage of it.

   Joanna {MG Mole DS Rape Fant.

   I mean, all that dialog, in and out of character happens, then this is
the Fantasy she writes down.}

   He just molested me.  I asked for rape, but I was molested before we had
sex, even at night in bed, but honestly, it didn't feel like that.  For 1
thing, my cousin wasn't that good at it.  For another, he's like a
stranger, but he touched me in ways my cousin never learned, and he kept
saying "I love you," in this creepy way I know is a lie, and I get ahead of
myself.

   He made me wait, way longer then he was in the bathroom.  I figured he
caught on, and turned off the light, and ninja'd the place, but it's his
own room.  I don't hear anything, then i hear him breathe.  "Hhhhhhhhhh."
With me, i stop, hold my breath, but...

   "..."

   Nothing, but i'm supposed to be asleep, so I snort, and turn my head,
away.  Was that, `huh!' a sigh?  Quiet as a whisper, but i feel the sheet
on my nipples, through the training bra i'm so turned on, and the hairs
standing up on my shoulders, and I slit my eyes just enough to see him, or
his shadow.  His dark silhouette, but he also said Acquaintance.  So, he
could be my big brother, sneaking into my room, curious, or just looking
for something to jerk off too, but he touched me.

   Just my hair, but `huh!' Yup, that's a sigh.  And it's just so damned
creepy i'm about to wet my panties, and he barely touched me.  Seriously, i
could just watch him jerk off, on my face, and probably cum my britches
just from the hot wet splats, but i get ahead of myself.  I do that, when
I'm excited.

   And he touches me, Finally!  "Uh!" he stops, I turn my head, and pretend
to snore, but I don't know how long I can keep acting asleep.  He doesn't
touch himself, I can see it dip, and twitch in profile with his pulse, and
i'm just trying not to shiver.  "HhhhhHhHhH!"

   `huh!' Okay, i shivered, a little.  Just through the blanket, and my
underwear, but he's gently cupping my chest, and I just want to throw the
covers off, grab him in both hands, and stuff him inside of me!  Or touch
myself, but "Mhh!" He stops.  i didn't think, i was ready for bondage.  i
can't trust him, i barely know him, but if He don't do something, I'm gonna
push his hand out of the way, and jam both hands in my twat, or something,
but He's teasing me, and it's Working!  i haven't been this turned-on in
years, and He's gonna make me beg!  I giggle a little, but cover it up by
grabbing the top of the mattress, because he doesn't have a fucking
headboard!

   But I can hold out, maybe longer then him, but you're just not going to
touch that thing, at all?  I mean, I know I just jerked you off, but no!

   Fuck!

   He's giving me the slow torture hand-job!  I've never gotten one before,
kinda a Femdom thing, and now, I'm pretty sure, he's going to do it to me.
He can do this, I can do this, but.

   "Mhhhhhh!"

   "Don't scream." I look up at his eyes, and.  Fuck, I woke up!  "I don't
want to hurt you." But the anger quickly fades, and he leans in.  "It's
okay," his fingers slip away, "It's me." And I gasp into his mouth, he
pulled the sheet away, and like a couple teaspoons of sex sweat flash
evaporated off my body.  I almost popped off right there, but he held me
down.  His hand on my chest, and my heart beat so fast and so hard, and he
climbed on the bed with me.

   "hhhhhhhhH!" I held my breath.  Relaxed my fingers behind the mattress
before they go numb.  I felt like I had an orgasm, without all the weird
twitching and gushing around inside.  I don't know, a female orgasm.  Have
a few, that.  Can't really explain what it feels like, but none of that.

   "You okay?" Did we agree on a safe word?

   "Yeah," Why would I need it?  "I trust you," either of them?

   "Hhhhhh!" I just grabbed him, sat up, and jerked him off in my mouth as
quick as I could.  He passed out, I think.  I mean I had to close his eyes,
and check his breathing before I closed his mouth.  "HhHh," creepy,
"Hihhihin!" Wave my hand in front of his eyes, wow, just wow.  I wiped my
mouth, and dear god did he save that bathwater?

   "Snhhh!" It smelled like a barn, or what I'd imagine a barn orgy would
smell like.  He snores, mouth breather, I don't bother shutting it again.
Hard to believe just the two of us stank it up that much, though, and we
barely Touched eachother!  "Whoooooh!"

   Look around, get my cigarettes out of my purse.  I know, 13 years old? A
little young, but incest survivor.  I started early.  "Whhhhew!" Smoke
outside, it's not that cool, kind of dry, but they say we're in a drought.
Okay, locally, "Drought" means different things.  On the Olympic Peninsula
it doesn't mean the same thing as the piedmont to the Appelatians, or
tornado alley.}

   I blink, and my hands shake.  Then my legs, and my knees drop out, and I
start flopping, like I'm having a seizure.

   {Sorry,}

   I'm having a seizure?{Well, you did tell me to rape you, but that was a
total accident.}

   What?{Possessing you,}The Fuck!?  {Ha,} I can feel him in my mind.{Well,
Incubis, I usually cum in the other end.} He, giggled?{Yeah, sorry, I've
just had this kinda conversation so many times, it's hard to work up much
enthusiasm.  But, you are a satanist.}

   "You're a Demon?" Shake my head.

   {Don't you go to a gifted school?  Yeah, or sex angel, really depends on
how you look at it.} Like everything else.  {Ascended rape demon, if angels
can fall, nothing is irredeemable.} You're lying, I can tell?  {I can't
tell you the truth, something about things mortal minds cannot know, so I
tell you the parts you can in concepts you're comfortable with.  The
superhero nerds got the Alien story, it's actually somewhere between the
two, and I can't tell you all of it, because it wouldn't fit in your head.
For all intensive purposes,}

   Intents and

   {I think in puns, picked it up centuries ago, moving on;} Did you
"Possess" Donny?  No, he was born that way, and hasn't had all that much
time alone, so he's still more instincts, and memories than a personality
of his own yet.  There's no Id, he knows what to do, dead headded through
high school a lot, but look at him, nobody noticed.} Does come off as a bit
of a stoner.

   How does one go about accidentally possessing someone?  {Oh, I was
planning to wear a rubber, did you swallow all of it?} I think so, sure
tried.  {Yeah, I seem to be all here.  It should still be in his butt
crack.} Ew, you don't have to make me feel it?  {Sorry, he's anal.  Very
anal.} You're planning on putting it in me?  {Not really, I pretty much put
off putting anything in you.  Besides, it's still wrapped.} Oh, that's why
he molested me, instead of raping me.  {That, and the relationship usually
lasts longer if you don't escalate to Rape on the first date.} :) She
winked my eye.  Wait, you're, no, that's.  ?

   {Yeah, sex/gender, you people are just barely starting to scratch the
surface of that multi-axis clusterfuck.  Uh, here.} A shape.  {Yeah?} It
rotated, like 2D4 stuffed through eachother like a star of David.  {The
Kabbalists called it Merkaba.  Humans have the Kinsey scale.} So, looks
like, 1, 2, 3, 4 more dimensions?  {2 and a half, yeah.  Kinsey postulated
a linear scale.  AFAICT it's more like a Tesseract.} ?  {No, "A Wrinkle in
Time" ?  Uh, did you see Interstellar?} More Fantasy than Sci-Fi.

   {Right, why you're talking to a Demon instead of a nano-cloud from the
future.}

   Is there really a god or a devil?  {No, and yes.  Respectively.}

   You know the devil.  {By name, dare not think It because now he's got
control over the field}?{The magnetic field, of the world.  And there's not
much interference out here.  Kind of nice, really.  Quiet.}Glad you like
it.{Yeah, it's like temperate rainforest, but if it were in Europe, you'd
be calling the Fjords Fjords.}
   ;