Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Temporal note: This is a lot closer to our timeline.  About the only
difference is cyberEntities from the ones in my head, along with a
alternate versions of facets of myself.

   Though tecnically a western City, la Ville Real de Santa fe de San
Francisco de Asis is a different state of mind.  Call it a small town, with
an Opera.  Not unlike Raleigh, only more well known, and also somewhat more
progressive.  For contrast, couldn't've written this one anywhere else,
you'd kinda have to live there for a while to understand why, because I
sure can't explain it.

   Also, moving it to Cuntry was easier than editing it in situ, because of
some glitch on the servers...
:

   Bryant (tf NS)

   "The fuck're you doing out here?"

   Just leaned up against the tree, "Nothing, just taking a break."

   "Well, don't let them catch you just taking a break out here."

   "You headed up to the Alsups?" Rattle my ice, "I was going for a refill,
anyway."

   "Yeah, just come on, and keep your voice down."

   "What is this place?"

   "None of your business, just come on!"

   It's like a school, but about the size of a daycare, they got a
basketball court.  I saw a ponytail swing up above the fence for a layup.

   "You got another cigarette?" I pulled them out, "Those Menthol?"

   "Salems." I nodded.

   "What do you smoke Salems for?"

   "Mostly so the guys won't bum them off me.  My mom smokes them." I
nodded.

   "How old are you?"

   "Fourteen?  I'm Byrant."

   "Not Brent, or Bryan, got it."

   "Yeah, thanks."

   "How I remember things?"

   "So, you stay at the halfway house."

   "It's not a halfway house.  And stop trying to figure it out, just stay
away from there."

   "Well, you have to go back?"

   "Well, not right back."

   "Well, you want to hang out until curfew, or whatever?" I don't care
what it is, really.  "You seem cool?"

   "No, I don't guess I got to go right back."

   "There anyplace to go hang out around here?"

   "Yeah, let me get a pack of Marlboro light 100s?"

   "He with you?"

   Pull out my change.  "Yeah, it's just a refill."

   "Seventyfive cents."

   "I know," already pulled the quarters out.  "I was just in here?"

   "Not really." No loitering right by the door.

   "Someplace cool, there any parks, and stuff around here?"

   "Not really, well yeah.  But it's a ways."

   Cold soda.  I nodded.  "Some place with some shade."

   "You live around here?"

   "Cedar Creek, but my uncle kicked me out." One of his girlfriends over.
One at a time, but.  Well, because they don't know about eachother.

   "You live with your uncle?"

   "Just working for him, over the summer.  Dad thought it'd be nice to get
me out of the house."

   Just an empty lot, but there's a fence.  "Hot as hell out here."

   "Where you from?"

   "Greensborough North Carolina?"

   "Well, it's a dry heat."

   "Yeah, that's what I can't stand, I got to force fluids so I don't just
dry up and blow away."

   "How long you been here?"

   "Couple months, just got to take breaks until I get used to the
altitude."

   "It's just like six thousand feet."

   "Sixty three, fifty at the airport." I looked it up.  "Just not used to
it." Not getting used to it, what with the sun out.  "It's nicer at night,
but there's not much to do at night."

   "There's a nightlife downtown."

   "Oh yeah?  For free?"

   "Yeah, if you know where to look."

   "How do you get there?"

   "I take the bus," she pointed, across the street, "But this's a good
place to wait for it."

   "Oh, cool."

   "I was headed up there to see what's going on, anyway."

   ..

   Took me a while to think of something.  "So, what kinda music you like?"

   "I don't know, whatever's playing?  You like metal," she nodded,
"Metallica?" Looked down at my shirt.

   "Yeah, some of it, but I listen to pop too.  Like you said, whatever's
playing?  Mostly they just play pop, or country.  I don't like country."

   "Goth?"

   "What's that?"

   "Nhehahuhuhn?  You don't know.  All those mopey kids, depression rock?
Or maybe punk." She thinks, "Yeah, depression punk.  I mean, I'm not goth
or anything, but I think you'd like it."

   "Oh yeah?" She nodded, "Why?"

   She shrugged, "You seem like the type."

   ...

   Thought about it, "All right, well.  I guess I seen them.  Like you
said, all in black, like witches?  Sometimes they have that witch's star,
but sometimes it's crosses." Try to remember, "Or a lot of them.  Crosses,
that is." Some of them up side down.

   "Yeah, some of them are Wiccan.  Around here, anyway."

   "What's Wiccan like, Satanists?"

   "Well, some of them are Satanist, too.  Come on." she got up, "Here
comes the bus."

   Down there, or across some fields.  It came around, took long enough to
get across the street, she lit another 100.  "It stops up at the Alsups, we
got a few minutes."

   "It's hot." Out of the shade.

   "Yeah, there's no shade down at the gas station, either."

   "What?" She looked at me weird.

   Frowned.

   "Bryant, you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

   I straightened up.  "Shoot." Nodded.

   "You gay, or something?"

   "Oh, no.  Sorry, I'm just.  No offense, you're not ugly at all, or
anything, I'm just not interested?" She was hitting on me?  "I hardly even
notice when people are flirty on me."

   "Oh, well.  You're young?" I nodded.

   "Sorry for being such a weirdo."

   "Oh no.  It's cool.  I like weirdo freaks like you."

   I don't know, if she does, then why's she call me a weirdo freak?  "Here
comes the bus." I picked up my bag.  "All dressed in rust!" She sang that
last bit, and laughed.

   I laughed too.

   "Oh, we used to sing that, back in the day."

   "How much is it?"

   "Seventy five."

   "Cents?"

   "No, seventy five dollars."

   I laughed, and dug out some more quarters, and dropped them in the box.
Looked like a lantern, or squared off candy machine, but we had the bus to
ourselves.  The driver pushed a lever for the bottom to drop out.

   "When you're kids?  You used to sing 'here comes the bus' when you're
little?  And waiting for the schoolbus."

   "Oh, yeah." She nodded.

   "You cold?"

   "A little," she rubbed her arms, "The air conditioner.  So, what you got
in that bag of yours?"

   "I don't know, stuff?" I dug around, "My money." Just got paid, "Some
books," it's kinda nice to have money.  All the time, "Lets see here, I
brought some music?" Checked the disk, "An Justice for All."

   "Oh, that's the one with One."

   "Yeah, I don't like that one as much as Fade to Black." She shook her
head, "Well, One's like a remake of a song they done earlier.  Fade to
Black?" I nodded, "Yeah, but I think they done it better the first time."

   "So, what's your favorite on that one?"

   "To live is to Die."

   "No," she grinned, "You're not Goth at all."

   "Well, since I never heard of it." I remember, "You mean like that
Marilyn Manson?" Remember a shirt, "Or the Misfits."

   "Well, the Misfits were like punk.  I know a lot of punk rockers, but
it's not like.  Just a subculture, or only about the music.  It's also a
certain kind of kids."

   "Misfits, and freaks." Weirdos.

   "Yeah, mostly drawn to the dark side."

   "Or the softer side of Metallica."

   "Uh," she laughed, "Uhuhahaha!  Yeah, I guess."

   "I mostly listen to them to fit in, but they got some good songs.  You
know, back home?  We got some punk rockers, but I never seen any of them
Goths before I come here.  I ain't into like.  Death, and serial killers.
Devil Worship, or nothing."

   "Hahaha, you're so, cute!  So, you're Christian?"

   "Well, I dunno about that.  Why, I was raised Christian, but I never
could say's I ever had any faith."

   "Southern Baptist?"

   "Episcopalian, why?" She shrugged, "Atheist, I guess.  Never really
believed in the devil, ever since I was little, mind you.  I suppose when I
heardabout Santa, and the Tooth Fairy, I got skeptical about the whole
thing.  All that demons, and angels, and stuff you don't never see."

   "So, it doesn't exist?  That's like an argument from lack of ev.  Oh,
sorry."

   "What?"

   She bopped her forehead, "Dork!"

   "Oh, no.  Go right on ahead."

   "Well, I was in debate team in high school.  I know, right?  Well,
sometime I click," she turned an imaginary switch on the side of her head,
"Back to logic mode.  But anyway, it's like the whole God question. 
There's not enough evidence for a conclusion either way.  So, it's too soon
to call it, unless God comes down and says 'Yup, I did it," or they find
the body, the answer is usually 'We don't know.' I guess you could ask
Satan, but you can't believe Him anyway.  People don't like admitting when
they don't know, but you said it right the first time.  'Idunno about
God'."

   "Oh, right!" I nodded.  "Never met Him, anyway.  Sounds like a real
asshole."

   "Hahaha, right?"

   .

   '

   Sierra (fm Drug.  She's a stoner, and recovering nerd.  So, for example
she forgets the word for an Obilex.)

   So,we get to the Plaza, and they're kicking it.  "What're they doing?"

   "Hacky sack, you wanna try it?" He made a face, shook his head, so she
served.

   "Come on, let's sit over here." Around the, well it's not a statue. 
It's like a Pyramid up on a tower.  Like the Washington monument, but not
that large, and up on a big stone block with carvings, and stuff about
noble savages.  "You smoke pot?"

   "Huh?  Uh." He nodded, "Once or twice, they got it back home."

   "Where you from?" Jennifer stepped out, so they closed the circle.  Kept
playing.  He's new, I guess that means interesting.  Not his type, either,
but he checked her out.

   "Wanna go for a walk?"

   "I do." Good, she's got some, I'm going nuts in that.  Place.

   "Where you been?"

   "Oh, they put me up at the Center." I stopped, "Hey, Bryant.  Can you
give me a minute?"

   "Sure," he wandered off.

   "New boyfriend?"

   "Just a friend.' I guess.  Lives out by the center.  "So, what you got
today?"

   "Lemon haze?"

   "How much?"

   "The usual."

   "Ah.  I'm a little short.  Hey, Bryant?" Just got payed.  "You got a
twenty?"

   "Yeah." he dug in his bag.  Gas mask bag, he said.  Army surplus.

   "You wanna twist one up?"

   "I brought papers." Got them out, and sat on the log.  Her new
boy/friend looked around.  Nervous.  "Relax, we do this all the time.  The
cops don't even care, if you ask them, they'd probably send you down here.
Don't want the tourists to see you, it's cool.  Chill out."

   Sketchy, though.  She says he's cool, but can't be too careful selling
weed downtown.  My theory is Cecil doesn't want to do the paperwork.

   "You want a hand with that?"

   "I got it," I rolled the hitting tip, and licked it, Out to the other
end, and tucked a little crumb in.  "You wanna roll one?" I pinched it in,
and shook it out.

   "Yeah," he took the sack.  His sack, anyway, I threw in a $10. 
"Thanks."

   "What's with the purse?"

   "Well, I just got sick've switching my pocket junk around, so I just
threw it all in there." On his lap, knees together to use it as a small
table.

   "Like a purse."

   "I guess.  Got it at the Army Navy for twentyfive bucks!"

   I like his accent, kind of a reedy voice?  Like woodwinds, sounds like
he has a reed in his throat.  Maybe a sexophone?

   Passed him the joint.  "Wheh?"

   Nice guy, doesn't even look.  Takes a hit, and goes back to breaking up
into shake.

   "Khuh, huh!" Covered it, or copped his fingers.  "Whew, that's some
potent stuff?"

   "Don't get this back in North Carolina?"

   "Well, I don't know." He dusted off his hands, and got out a paper. 
"Bout Lemon Haze, but." He grinned.  His eyes drooped too.  "Nah, we ain't
got nothing like this!  Heheahah!"

   "It creeps on you." She glared at me, "Huh?"

   We just passed it back and forth.  Got to smoke down Jen.

   "Where'd you learn to roll like that?"

   "Back home?" He nodded, licked his lip, and ran the gum down that. 
Slicked it out with his thumbs, and twisted it gently like that.  "What? 
They don't just grow tobacco out there, you know?"

   "It looks like a cigarette."

   "You want it?" He gave it to Jen.  "Gotta do right by the dealer."

   "Yeah," she grinned, "You know, you're pretty cool."

   "Awe, shucks." He shook his head.  "Yur just saying that."

   Jen's a lesbian.  Not a manhater, but still.  That's high praise coming
from her.

   "Well, thanks." She frowned.  "See you later?"

   "I got to get back." Before they lock me out.  She climbed up ahead of
us.

   "Well, they sure got pretty ditches here."

   "It's the river."

   Jen looked back, "Arroyo."

   "Yeah, Arroyo.  It only runs during the spring."

   "They shut it off to conserve water.  Throw in some fish, so the kids
can fish.  In the spring."

   "Oh, you like fishin'?" She just shook her head.

   "So, Bryant." He turned his head, "What're you up to?"

   "Well, I don't know nobody downtown, so I guess'll head back with you?"

   "Come on, then." I took his hand.  "I like you, Bryant.  You're not like
the other guys."

   "Well, thanks.  I guess.  The Goths don't hang out here?" I knew it!

   "I don't know.  Not much, mostly just us Plaza rats."

   "When you got to be back at the shelter?  Now, I wasn't listen', I
couldn't help overhearing, but I understand you got to keep guys away from
the women's shelter?"

   "Yeah." Stoner.  "Uh, don't tell like, your uncle?"

   "You weren't beat up or nothing, you don't have a husband coming after
you?"

   "Oh, hahahaha!  No, I'm so not married." Nor worried.

   "Can't be too safe around here.  You know Santa Fe is like the sexual
assault capital of the southwest?"

   "Thought it was just the capital.  That'sa inside joke.  My uncle calls
it that.  Not official, mind you.  Just the Unofficial Capitol of the
Southwest." Not sure where that quote started.

   "Well, yeah.  We get a lot of tourists here."

   "You from Santafe?"

   "Born'n raised.  Welluh, up in Eldo, but mostly just Fanta Se." I
nodded.

   "Well, I like it here.  It's pretty, Imean.  it's a lovely town."

   "Bryant." I stopped.  "You're really not gay?"

   "I don't think so."

   I hugged him, didn't exactly dare him to prove it, but he kissed me real
quick.  "Uh, sorry."

   "It's all right." Let me go, but I kept walking.  "Quite all right."

   He doesn't look at me.  Or he didn't, for quite a while, I didn't even
really get a sexual vibe off of him.  Really, guess he had to get high to
loosen up, but he's almost polite.  Respectful, doesn't stare at your tits,
and it's just nice to get out of the Center.  "It's like jail."

   "The shelter?" Said that out loud.

   "Mhm?  But we have to line up on time, there's next to no privacy, and I
have to come back before they lock it up."

   "So, you're in for.  Drugs?"

   He guessed, "Right, well.  Like I said, it's not a halfway house, but. I
had a little trouble, with substance abuse.  Before.  So, I can't take any
of that pot back with me, but you payed for most of it anyway."

   "Well, this's probably a month's supply for me.  Huh!  I feel like i'm
gonna be stoned for a week on this." He patted his army bag, "Lemon Haze,
she called it?"

   "Yeah, huh!"

   "Yeah." Just kept walking..  ,

   "Why're you single?"

   "I dunno, never really been much for datin'.  Always thought I'd get
around to it, some time."

   "You're not a virgin?"

   "Well, I dunno if I believe in Virginity, as such.  Isn't that like one
of them, sexist notions they tell you about in church?"

   "You're a skeptic." I forgot.

   "Yeah, I suppose." Shrugged, "If the church says it, I start to doubt,
and when you said virgin, I suppose I thought about the virgin Mary, with
my head all fuzzed up."

   "Uh huh?" I don't care what he says, I just like listening to the way he
says it.

   "This the bustop?"

   "Huh?" Says it right on the sign.  "Yeah, says it right on the sign."

   "Well, the suns' goin down, so it's not so hot." Sat down, "That a
restaurant?"

   "Yeah, Ristra."

   "What's that?"

   "Well, that.  You see the string of chilis on the sign there?"

   "That's a ristra?"

   "What they call it."

   "They look expensive."

   "Yeah, probably." My buzz is wearing off.  "Got a cigarette?"

   "Yeah," he got one out.  Kinda dumb when he's stoned, but kinda cute. 
And really nice, but I think he likes to go slow.

   Okay, I can go slow.

   ;

   {Not one of those stories, actually.  There's a number of obstacles in
the way, not the least of which the very real Barriers around the Shelter.
What it's actually about, but they haven't even gotten there.  Sorry, had
to establish characters, and setting first.  Obviously not going to be a
quick stroker, but you made it this far, right?  Also, they got stoned, so
I had to tone down the dialog.}

   ;

   Irene

   I looked at my watch.

   "I know, the bus was late."

   "Well, go right on in." She looked back.  "Who's that?"

   "Oh, just some guy." I had to lock back up.

   "Sierra."

   "What?  He's just a friend of mine.  We ain't bonin' or nothing, we just
hung out."

   "Huh!" I finished locking the gate.  "Well, better get inside, before
she gets to the bed count."

   "Need a shower anyway." mostly to herself, she slammed the door.

   Long day, no longer my problem, but wouldn't you know it.  Now we have a
guy hanging around out front.  Moping, and kicking a rock over the curb. 
Tried to catch it on his boot, clumbsy, but.

   "You can't hang out here."

   "Oh, I was just heading back to the store."

   "What store?"

   "Well, you know the Alsups?"

   "Yes, I know the Alsups, but this is private property, so get going."

   "Sorry, maam." He picked up the pace, didn't mosey, anyway.

   "You know, Sierra?"

   "Not really."

   "Keep walking."

   "Well, we just met, but." He shrugged, "She seems pretty cool."

   "Yeah, well she's been through a lot, and she doesn't need the
distraction right now."

   "It's about drugs, isn't it?"

   "Pardon me?"

   "She mentioned she used to have a problem with drugs, but now she's
getting clean."

   "Well," that's confidential, but, "Since you brought it up, yes.  A lot
of her problems stem from.  The time, period.  She mentioned."

   "You her doctor?"

   "No, ha!  I'm not a doctor, but we do therapy together."

   "Sponsor?"

   "Well, no." Not that group, "Huh!  I suppose we're more like room
mates."

   "Oh, at the Center." He nodded.

   "She told you?"

   "Not as such, but I got the jist of it.  Like how I'm not supposed to
be. Well, actually can you tell me how far I got to stay clear of there?"

   "Just stay away from us."

   "Well, around the center, I don't mind talking to you."

   "And don't follow me either."

   "I'm not following you, I'm headed to the store.  You came with me.  If
you like, I can walk across the street."

   "No, sorry." He's not gaslighting me, "That checks out, I'm just.  It's
been a long day."

   "Well, you headed for Alsups?" I need a drink.  "Well, tell me all about
it.  I hear I'm a good listener."

   "Well, I can't.  A lot of it's private, and."

   "Overwhelming?  Well, then think about something else."

   Oh, "You make it sound so easy."

   "All right, well what do you like to do.  Outside of the center, what do
you like to talk about?"

   "Where're you from?"

   "North Carolina, you want to talk about that?"

   "Well, what brings you to Santa Fe?"

   "Work." He nodded, "Not a lot of work around Greensburro, so I come out
to work with my uncle for the summer."

   "Uh huh?  What's he do?"

   "Masonry, stucco, mostly."

   "How about Basketball?"

   "You like basketball?"

   "I figured, you being from North Carolina and all." And tall, had to be
at least 6'.

   "Well, I played it once or twice." He nodded.  "You know Britney
Griner?"

   I shook my head.

   "Well, she's out of Baylor.  Texas, that is." He talks like Foghorn
Leghorn, or Andy Griffith.

   "She good?"

   "Just made the WNBA, she seems to be pretty good.  Tall."

   "That helps."

   "Well, you got to be coordinated, too.  I don't dribble so good, and
yeah being tall gets the basket closer, doesn't mean I can hit it.  So, I
usually just pass it anyway."

   She's right, he is a nice guy.  Just for example, I picked basketball,
and he automatically switches to the WNBA.

   "Shot up like a beanpole, so I guess they picked me for that." He
shrugged.

   "You don't really like it."

   "Never really cared for sports."

   But he knows a WNBA star.  "Thanks."

   "What for?"

   "Helping me get my mind off of work." I went and got a box of chablis.
"Huh!" I just wanted to get him away from the center, how I wound up. 
Well, I didn't tell him anything, and I'm going to have to have a talk with
Sierra tomorrow.  But, tomorrow.

   "Yeah, kinIget a pack of Salem 100s?  Yeah, and this."

   I got in line behind him.

   "Refill?"

   "Uh huh?  Can I get a book of them zig-zags, too?  The one, and a
quarters."

   ;

   Bryant

   Got out my old pack.  Under 5 left, it's not a 24 hour store.  Don't
know if they have one, on this side of town, not much out here.

   "So, wanna walk me home?"

   "All right." Doesn't look like a bad neighborhood.  Back behind the gas
station, looks kinda nice.  Rocks instead of grass, most yards, but they
got lawns between the buildings.  Apartments, nice ones look like. 
Stuccoed.

   "You mind if I ask a personal question?"

   "No, I'm not gay.  Why, do I come off as gay to you?"

   "No." She tilted her head, "Why would you assume that?"

   "Oh, uh.  I just.  Sierra asked that." Just like that, "I guess I was
just flashing back to that.  Say, you do therapy over there at the center?"

   "Uh!" she rolled her eyes.

   "Sorry, I know you don't want to talk about it."

   "I can't.  Even if I'm not a doctor, patient privilege still applies."

   "Well, I don't have a therapist here, but you know anything about PTSD?"

   "Yeah, more than I wanted to hear, sometimes, but.  Huh!  Why, you think
you have, some of that?"

   "Well, my daddy, and my uncle got it.  Afghanistan, Iraq." She nodded.
"You don't just get it from war, right?"

   "There's generally a traumatic experience." Hence the acronym.

   "Well.  It was rough growing up.  I got bullied a lot, it don't seem to
happen to me here, since nobody knows me, but back home, you know.  There
was some stuff, I never lived down."

   "For instance?"

   "Huh!  I got caught.  Once, fooling around, and my daddy.  He got pissed
off, and called me gay."

   "Oh, I'm so sorry."

   "You didn't know."

   "No, but I should have.  Not exactly a progressive state, in North
Carolina?"

   "Compared to here?"

   "Well, Fanta Se's a different state of mind."

   "Yeah, I saw a lesbian couple walking downtown."

   "Uh huh?"

   "They's just walkin'.  Nobody cared?"

   "Yeah, it's one of the more progressive places to live.  You want to
come in?"

   Stopped at her door.

   "All right." Don't have any other friends.  I kicked my boots off, but
she unbuckled her shoe, and left it on a shelf.  Put her other one up to
take that off, so I tucked them under.

   "Nice boots."

   "I suppose, got em for my birthday.  My uncle, he's got a kinda cowboy
thing goin'."

   "He was in Afghanistan?"

   "Iraq, my daddy was in Afghanistan.  Khabul, and upin the mountains by
Pakistan." I nodded, "Can't really talk about it." Not even to me, "You
understand."

   "Classified."

   "So, it's like that doctor patient privilege thing, you was sayin'?"

   "Uh huh?"

   "Well, there's some things.  I don't want getting out."

   "Well, everything you tell me is just between you and me.  Why don't you
have a seat?" She pulled a drawer out from under a lamp.

   "Oh, you smoke grass?"

   "Sorry, you mind?"

   "Well," I pulled some out, "Not really."

   "That North Carolina Homegrown?"

   "No, got it downtown.  Lemon Haze, she called it.  Where I'm from, we
just call it grass.  Don't got a bunch of fancy names for it."

   "Well, it helps me unwind." She poured the carton in a wine glass.  They
put it in a paper bag, thought it was coconut juice or something.  Turned
out it was green wine, but just a glass.  "So, you think you have PTSD, or
you're worried about your family?"

   "Well, it's not sexual."

   "Okay, go on."

   "I don't know what to call it, really.  I just, well weird.  I guess
they called me queerdo freak, and stuff likeat, but.  Well, mostly faggot,
and stuff like that."

   "What exactly are we talking about?"

   "Crossdressing?  A little."

   "Now, when you say crossdressing, you mean." She noticed, "Like your
purse?"

   "Yeah, ha.  Caught that did'ja.  Most guys don't pay it no mind if you
get it thereat the Army/navy, but.  Huh.  Yeah, I guess I like getting away
with it."

   "Carrying a purse?"

   "Well, I can't just walk around with a skirt on, or wearing a dress."

   "What about underwear?"

   Shrug, "It doesn't fit."

   "Now, when you said it's not sexual, you mean you don't feel aroused by
it?"

   "I don't feel any different.  You mean like in a dress, or skirt, and
top?" She nodded.  "I just feel comfortable." Always thought they would be,
"Except the underwear.  That's uncomfortable."

   "Well, I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone with anything, but it sounds
like you might be transgender."

   "You mean, like those heShe's on the internet?"

   "Well, I know you don't mean anything by it, but don't use Heshe.  A lot
of people find it offensive."

   "Sorry."

   "Well, don't be, I'm not the transgender person in the room, but just
for future reference."

   "I'll remember that, but.  I don't really feel like one of them,
neither."

   "Why not?"

   "Well, you know.  They get sex changes?"

   "Trans means change."

   "Does it?"

   "Yes, in Latin?"

   "Oh, must be one of them prefixes, so what do I call them?"

   "Whatever they want to be called.  In my, albeit limited experience. 
You understand it's uncommon, but I've met, and talked to a few before. 
Generally, you're unique, so I found the best policy is to ask them how
they identify."

   "What if they don't know, what I am?"

   "Well, my job is to help you figure that out."

   "Well, how do you do that?"

   "We're already started.  There's some questions you have to answer for
yourself, but I can help you out a little by asking the ones you haven't
thought of."

   "Okay," I sat back, "Shoot."

   ;

   Irine

   In my defense, I was tired, overworked, distracted, and didn't trust. 
Her?

   "First of all, let's start with pronouns.  Would you rather I called you
him, or her?"

   "Huh!" never thought of that.  "I don't know, nobody never referred to
me as a her before."

   "Is that a joint?"

   In the bag he left on the table.

   "Yeah, let's try her for a while."

   "How about miss?"

   "Maam?"

   "Yes." she blinked, "Maam."

   I smiled.

   "You want to smoke it?" She tapped it with her nailess fingers.  Cut off
real short, but they look worn.  Not filed, but broken, I'd never seen her
biting them, but she tapped it off.  Like a cigarette, flipped it around
like a spider with a stick, and tapped some more powder, and green flakes
back in the bag.

   Like a cigarette, a hand rolled cigarette.  "You want greens?" She
zipped it shut, and held the purse open by the flap.  Like a purse, 2
wingnuts to slip through green tarnished slots like buttons, and flip with
a couple twists.

   I grabbed my lighter, but even without the nails, she's so graceful. 
You tend to ignore it, because of his deep voice.  Kind of reedy, cracks a
lot, but not like a teenage boy.  Like a man, but soft spoken, and maybe
even a little falsetto, which admittedly came off a little gay for a while.

   "Whew!" She took a drag.  Like a cigarette, but held it in, tapped it
off in the ashtray.

   "Ngk!  Khuh huh!" Shook her head, "I'm gonna halfta get used to this
stuff."

   The voice really covers it up.  Sounds kind of hoarse, by trying not to
sound so deep, and manly.  Feminine, but letting herself out of her shell,
now that we can talk alone.  "Whew!"

   More stiff, and rigid in the store.  Straightened up a little just for
people walking bye, irrespective of gender, but reflexive.  Defense
mechanism, from having to hide her true self all the time.

   "Noh, I'm all right." She grinned, and her eyelashes actually fluttered.
"I could get used to this!  Nihehahuhn!" He giggled, but still in that
weirdly deep, and rough voice.

   "Well, good.  That's a good start." I had to admit, "This is way better
stuff than mine!" Dropped it back in the drawer, with the pipe, and saved
the roach.  "Whuh!  Huh, okay, now let's go back to sexuality.  You say
you're not gay, but that gets a little muddled for people who're.  Closer,
to the middle.  Of the Spectrum." I have to take a little more time
choosing the right words, and phrases, but I feel a lot better.

   "You mean like." So does she.  "Well, I don't know what to call them.  I
guess Shemale's probably offensive too, or Tranny?"

   "Typically, but take your time defining your own terms."

   "I guess I kinda like Shemale."

   "That's fine for you, just when you talk to others, try to remember they
might be offended by it."

   "Well, okay." she sat forward.  Or he did, masculine posture. 
Manspread, and resting his elbows on his knees.  Until we narrow down the
pronouns, "I don't want to look like them, or get turned on by that."
Shrug, "I was just a little curious, whenever I heard about.  Well, even
I'm offended by Chicks with Dicks.  Feel more like guy with tits, or I want
some, long's they don't come out all cockeyed like ma'Marty Feldman?  Oh,
that's;"

   "A comedy writer from the sixties?" I nodded.

   "Naw, he wasin.  No wait.  He wrote it, too?"

   "For Monty Python." Not just a sight gag, with the eyes?  I read
credits. "Transwomen." I nodded.

   "Yeahbut.  I don't think I want to change, but like you was sayin',
about it meaning change?" I washed down the cotton mouth with some chablis.
"More like a lesbian, I recon."

   "You feel like a lesbian?" Uh oh.

   "Yeah?  What?"

   "Well, I have to warn you that, some women feel threatened by that."

   "Oh, I know.  I talked to some of them on the internet, but they got
upset."

   "Huh!  Well, that's complicated.  You see, transphobia."

   "That's like homophobia?"

   "Well, it's all prejudice, but the phobia component is.  Well, there's a
lot to it.  It's not like.  Well, we don't really understand how phobias
work, completely, but it's like PTSD."

   "Well, I know all about homophobia.  They didn't know I was a.  ` ?"

   "Transgender.  Or TG?"

   He nodded, "For short, gotit.  So anyway, I even thought I was, gay for
a while there, till I heard about trannys."

   "On the internet?"

   "Well, video store.  I can't go in there, till I turn 18, but."

   "You're not 18?"

   "No, 14?"

   They didn't card him at the convenience store, but.  "Okay," he just
looks older.  Or she does, "Sorry, go on?" Taller than 18, I suppose.

   "So, anyway, I seen that.  Chicks with Dicks." He frowned, "That's just
what the video's called, but then I started thinking about, you know sex
changes, and what if I was a woman, but it was long before that."

   "What was?"

   "Well, I guess it was when my sister was born.  Little sister, my
brother didn't want to play with her, but I was always a little jealous of
her."

   "Why?"

   "She got the nice stuff.  Like toys I wanted?  So anywho, since she was
the youngest, and Tim being the oldest, I got to keep an eye on her.  It
was really worth it just to play with her, and her dolls, so I got to be
her big sister.  When we're alone."

   "Is that when the crossdressing started?"

   "Well, after that.  I had to get some growing in, to fit inta mom's
skirts, and stuff.  Her shoes for a little while 'tlil I outgrew them."

   "Well, there's companies, that specialize in things like shoes, for
girls your size."

   "Is that right?" She brightened up.  From being called a girl, but she's
getting comfortable.  Doing the girl talk, she really is.  I have to think
how she talked me into.  Well, we kind of both talked eachother into
walking to the store, and taking her home, because once you get past her
looks, it's just like hanging out with a girl.

   There's no sexual tension, whatsoever.  He just doesn't look, checked
out my shoes when I took them off, but seemed to focus on them, and not
staring at my legs.  Or looking down the front of my blouse, I didn't test
him by flashing him, but thinking back through the Lemon Haze, I didn't
avoid it, either.  Just bent down, like I always do when I get home,
because I felt safe.  Even before I knew what we're talking about, because
subconsciously I knew he wouldn't.  It's not sexual, because he's a girl,
so really it was just like hanging out with a friend.

   Not quite a woman, younger, is she really 14?  Hard to believe, but most
girls that age say they're older.  Especially an 18 year old, would claim
to be 21 to buy beers under age, but doesn't seem to care about that,
either.

   "I just can't have any, to get dressed up in.  My uncle's apartment,
it's a 1 bedroom, so I just got my clothes stuffed in my luggage back home.
If I had anything nice to wear, he'd probably see it."

   Comfortable.  If I had to pick a word, she's comfortable.  To be around,
hang out with, in private like this, and just the opposite when she's out
in public.  Understandable, I'm starting to understand her a little better,
and I hate taking my work home with me, but.  "Yearh!"

   "You look like you're about ready to turn in."

   "Yeah, thanks a lot." I got up.

   "What for?"

   "Just being yourself." I let him out.  "Oh." Grabbed my purse by the
door.  "If you want to talk, some more.  Here's my card." I got it out.

   "Okay." He looked down.  "Can you grab my purse?"

   "Oh, yeah." Stoner!  I ran and got it.

   "Thanks.  For being you, too.  That was really nice."

   "You're welcome." I waved through the door, shut it and locked it.

   I can get a shower in the morning.  Finished my glass, on the way back
to the bedroom, and got down to my panties before my head hit the pillow.

   "Huh!"

   That's about all it took.

   ;

   Bryant (t Intro.  Spective, that is...  One of the aforementioned
obstacles being Gender.  A lot of us have to figure that out first, if we
have any hope to become trans-sexual.)

   I wasn't waiting for her, really.  Just grabbed another pack, told my
Uncle I wasn't feeling well.  When really I stayed up all night, thinking
about what we talked about.  Really wanted to call her, but she was
probably zonked out, anyway.  She has it rough, I can tell.  I mean, she
said she had a bad day, or a long one if I recollect correctly, but they
weren't open yet, so I picked some butts out of the ash tray, and rolled
them up first.  To smoke with the joint I rolled this morning, Uncle Rich
liked it.  This Lemon Haze, it didn't help me figure it out any better last
night, nor when I sobored up, neither, but she stopped by on her way to
work.

   "Wakin and Bakin?" All made up, hair up too, skirt suit, buttoned up but
it was a little chilly too.

   Nobody else around, so I got up.  "Got any cigarettes left?" I gave her
the green one.

   "Huh!" She held it.  Nodded.  Blew it out, pulling her yellow pack out.
American Spirits, must be the local brand, Native American from the pattern
on the pack.  Non menthol, not sure if they're lights, or full flavor, and
just mild.  "Thanks." I blew out the hit, and lit it off the end.  Handed
it back.  "Well, looks like a few minutes before they open up.  I thought
about it.  Being a girl." Yawn, "All night."

   "You come up with any answers?"

   "Well, the pronouns.  Yeah, I like her, and, she." I decided, "Got to
thinking about a name, but I don't like Brandy or, Bryant.  never really
did."

   "Family name?"

   "Well, I'm not a Junior, or Trey, but.  In my family, the oldest son
gets his daddy's middle name.  So, my daddy's James Bryant Rubrik, his
daddy was Richard Leonard, but his brother's the eldest, so he got
Richard."

   "Huh, Rubrik?"

   "It's German?  Well it was, Ruprecht in Vienna.  Actually."

   "That's Austrian."

   "I know, but they speak German."

   "I know!" She hit my leg.  "So, just like baby names," I rubbed it, "If
you had a daughter, what would you call her?"

   "Well, I can't imagine being a mother or father, but not Chris, Chrissy,
nor Crystal."

   "Why not?"

   "My little sister's name.  Christa, so that'd be confusing, but you
think I could come out, to her?"

   "I never met her, but you think she'd understand?"

   "Out of everyone back home?  Can't think of anybody else that might."

   "Well, that's good, it helps a lot to have someone else to talk to about
it."

   "Mhm?" I feel a lot better all ready.  "Oh, and I'm sorry for making you
work last night, right after you got off work.  Why, I know when my daddy
gets off, he don't want to paint a damned thing when he gets home."

   "Well, that's quite all right.  I don't mind, especially since you can't
come to work with me."

   "Oh, right.  Mind'f I call you later?"

   "Yeah, I usually get a break from about 10:30 to 2."

   "Long lunch break."

   "Well, we don't serve lunch there, so." She chucked her head, "There she
is."

   "Who?"

   "Looks like Isobela?  To open up the store." So, he put it out, and we
hotboxed the buts going around front.  "Like I said, I'm not a therapist. I
run the kitchen over there, so after the breakfast shift, and group, I got
a while before I have to start prepping for dinner."

   "Oh, so should I call you then?" I got her card out.

   "Or we can hang out." She nodded, "I usually come back home to chill."
Smoke a doob, hopefully doesn't drink before she goes back.

   "Yeah, can I get one of those.  Breakfast burittos, and a refill?"

   "No breakfast burittos yet, those are beef, and been."

   From last night, Irene was getting some coffee, and shaking 3 packs of
sugar.

   "Never mind, I'll check back later." Walk her to work first.  I also
thought about what Sierra said, about sexual assaults here.  Talk about it
later.  "Let me geta packa."

   "Salem 100s?" She pulled them out.

   "Yes maam.  Softpack, yeah thanks.  Isobella?" Been coming here all this
time, and didn't learn her name?  At least enough for her to remember my
brand.

   "Jes?"

   "That's a pretty name."

   "Thank you sorr." She put them in a bag.  Just gonna throw it out, but i
grabbed my mug, and went out.  To pack them.

   "What do you do that for?" I stopped tapping them on the side, and
flipped them over.

   "Just loosens them up to pack them down." I nodded.

   "Like this?"

   "Well, that's a hard-pack, but.  Yeah, that's why I do it."

   "What's it do, make them taste better?"

   "Burn smoother.  All the way through." I stripped off the cellophane,
and ripped open the foil on 1 end.

   No body pumping gas yet, not like I'm leaned up against the No Loitering
sign.  "You ready?"

   Sack lunch, I guess.  "That your breakfast?"

   "Brunch, maybe a mid-morning snack." She nodded, "We mostly get donation
food, so we're out of yoghurt, and fresh fruit." She thinks, "It's what,
tuesday?"

   "Yeah," I think.

   "Yeah, they tend to go fast there."

   Like a paper bag, if someone made it out of fabric, and lined it with
plastic, and some kind of batten inside.  Maybe polyester?

   "I guess you get plenty to eat, working in the kitchen."

   "Yup," she swung her keys, "Also the first one, in the morning.  So, I
got to go."

   "Okay," I went around, but kept her card.

   "Isobella?" Is it Izabella, or Iso?  I don't know from Spanish, but it
is a pretty name.

   "Hey, Bryant?"

   She runned up.  "Oh, hey Sierra." I looked up, at her roots.  "You're
not Spanish, are you?"

   "You mean hispanic?" She shook her head.  "No, why?"

   "Name like Sierra."

   "Oh, yeah." She waved, "Just a popular name when I was growing up.  You
know, in Eldo?"

   "Never been." Maybe like my coffee cup?  Irene's lunch sachel, I mean.
It's like a giant mug, with a handle and everything.  "What'cu up to
today?"

   "I don't know.  Didn't have any plans, other than get outta the center."

   "You don't like it there?"

   "Not really, but you have to anyway.  After we clean up, make our beds,
and the like.  Then, they take over the common area for group."

   "After breakfast?  You eat?"

   "Skipped it.  Shower instead."

   "Well, I was thinking on going to breakfast, don't really care for the
menu at Alsups."

   "Yeah, it all sucks."

   "Huhaha!  Yeah, so anyway, I got payed the other day.  So, there
anywhere round here to go to breakfast?  I'm buying."

   "Yeah, the busses should start running soon, if you want to get on them
before it gets hot."

   "I was thinking, the mall's air conditioned."

   "Yeah, and there's.  Hey, you ever been to Horseman's Haven?"

   "Don't think so."

   "Oh, you'd know.  They got great Chili sauces."

   "Chile for breakfast?"

   "Where you been?  I thought you lived here a couple months all ready."

   "Workin I guess.  It's so hot, and still getting used ta the altitude, I
pretty much just crash whenever I get home."

   "Oh, you're off today?"

   "Took the day off, I didn't get much sleep last night." At least there's
still some shade, from the golf-course walking up to the next stop.  Went
past the one for the Shell station.

   {Alsups Convenience Store, Shell gas pumps.}

   They got a bench.

   "You got any of that." She pinched by her lips.  "Refer?"

   "Oh yeah.  I think I owe you a gram or something anyway." Take forever
to smoke it all myself.  "Got a roach in here, or I brought my pipe." Could
roll another.

   "Pack the pipe." She nodded.

   Broke up the roach.  "They really that cool about it here?"

   "Depends on where you smoke.  You notice there's not much traffic, this
early." I looked up.  To the next stop, for the Apartments I'm staying at.
Looked like a bunch of Spanish, I mean hispanics.  Waiting, to get on.  I'm
not used to it, not a lot of them around where I'm from, but come to think
of it, I haven't seen any blacks since I got here.

   "Thinking about working on your Spanish?"

   "Well, most've what I know I got from work.  Finish it." I'm high
enough, "So like numbers, counting.  Madera, Tablero, Pintura, Adobe' such
likeat."

   "Mhm?" She looked.  In the bowl.  Held it a minute, picked a straw out
of one of the dried tufts clinging around the slab.  For the bus stop,
poured in the median between the curb, and the sidewalk.  Stirred it
around. "Whew!"

   "While I mostly know the conversational stuff.  You know, most of them
aren't Mejicanos.  They're Castilian."

   "Spanish," I nodded, "I heard, that's why I call them Spanish."

   "Yeah, from when this used to be Mexico?  So, that's why it's all
Spanish, Pueblo, and Misson around here."

   "Great place for stucco."

   "Right?"

   "You want to go shopping?"

   "Huh, what?" She laughed, "I mean sure, but.  That came out of nowhere."

   "Sorry, it's just been on my mind a lot lately, so when I got to talking
with Irene last night."

   "Irene, as in miss Costanza Irene?"

   "Yeah, she's like a chef over there?" Pointed at the center.  "Here
comes the bus," she giggled, "All dressed in rust."

   "Haha, yeah." It's gonna have to come around, anyway.  "I dunno about a
chef.  I always thought she's more like a lunch lady, really."

   "She in yur group?"

   "Yeah, you talked to her last night?"

   "Yeah, she came to tell me to go away when she let you in, then we got
to talking."

   "How?" She shook her head, "Yeah, actually how the hell do you pick up
girls like that?  Around the center, you know how hard they work to keep
guys away from there?"

   "A little bit.  I understand, there's probably a lot of battered woman,
and runaways out there, but she mentioned you're in therapy with her."

   "Not really.  I don't do therapy there, they make me sit through
meetings."

   "AA?"

   "Uh!" She tried to hit my arm, but I pulled back before she could slap
it.  "Bryant!"

   "Look, you're an addict.  She didn't tell me that, but you as good as
told me that yourself last night."

   "I know, just.  Try to be a little more.  Tactful about it, all right?"

   "I know, you're sensitive about it, but can I tell you something?" Quick
before the bus comes.

   "What?"

   "I'm a girl."

   "What?"

   I chucked my head.  "Here's the bus."

   "Hihihn!" She giggled, but it wasn't empty.  Like yesterday morning,
first one I think, but couldn't really call it a rush.  The Spanish family
set up all the way in the back, though, so I took my purse off, and threw
it in the seats by the back door.

   "Is that why you come off so.  Girly?"

   "Yeah, uh.  I had to hide it a lot, but.  Never really got all that good
at that in the first place."

   ;

   Sierra (Continued)

   "Hey, you want to change the subject?" I looked back at the hispanic
family.  He's good at it.

   "So, yeah.  Uh, Horseman's Haven, is it?"

   "Well," on second thought, "It's kind of hot." Hottest chili in town,
"So, on second thought we might want to try someplace with milder chili."

   "Oh, you mean picante hot, and not caliente?"

   I looked back at the hispanic family.  "You ever heard of cultural
appropriation?"

   He shook his head, "What's that?" He's not dumb, unless you get him too
stoned, he was just brought up ignorant.

   "Well, like my mom naming me Sierra, or your uncle buying you cowboy
boots." He doesn't like them, barely knows how to walk in them, which
brought to mind the image of him trying to wear high heels.  I shook my
head, "It's disrespectful, but since our parent's generation didn't
aknowlege it, we weren't taught to respect them." I glanced back, might be
Pueblo as well, because the Misson came out here, and thinned out the
survivors by marrying the locals.  "So, it's like ghetto talk to black
people back east?"

   "Oh, I never do that."

   "Right, so you don't want to show off your Spanish in front of hispanic
people." At least until he gets a little better at speaking it.

   "Oh, sorry!  So, what do you think about Jane, or maybe Joan?"

   "Jane, who?"

   "Oh, I don't like the name Bryant." Sounds like a last name, "So, I was
thinking, I don't know." He shrugged, "Joannah?"

   "Oh, right." Well, if he's not shy about it.  "Wait, do you prefer he,
or she?"

   "I don't know." He or she thought about it a moment.  "Maybe him in
public, but in private.  I'd really like it if you'd say her, or she."

   "Well, there's really no reason to say him, or her one on one.  I guess
the pronoun's you, or we?"

   "Yeah," he shrugged, "I guess." We pulled up at Cerillos.  "You still
want to try Horseman's Haven?"

   He got up, "Yeah." Pulled the cable, even though we're pulling up at the
light.  "Can you hand me my purse?"

   I blinked, looked back.  "Oh yeah," turned one of the latches in the
corner.  "Forgot to give this back." His pipe, but small enough to hide in
my hand, like a lighter.  Until I forget it's there.

   "Thanks." The cars started moving again.  On the inside lane, the
outside just kept passing to turn right, but he held on while we rode
across the street, and I got up.  We went out the back, I forgot how tall
he is, until he kept standing it.

   Or she, since we're pretty much alone, or the Zafarano Center parking
lot's pretty empty, but we'll figure it out.

   I thought he was cute before, but.  "I guess I kind of understand, not
what it's like being, from North Carolina.  They aint as bigoted out here."

   "That ain't cultural appropriation?"

   "Not really, unless it offends you."

   "Oh, no offense taken, it's just a lot to learn."

   "So anyway, I'm bi, so.  I guess it's kind of sorta semi-similar, in
some ways."

   "Like what?"

   "Well, for instance.  I knew this one lady, had to leave the center,
because she was really a man, so once she started taking hormones, a lot of
the women couldn't stand her."

   "Like Testosterone?"

   "I don't know, and even if I did, I couldn't tell you."

   "It's classified." He laughed.  No, he giggled, that's what through me
off, he laughs, but sometimes she giggles, and it's almost like a split
personality.  Only now I think he mans up around people, because he
couldn't let out his feminine side for fear of getting gay bashed, and come
to think of it, that might be what put Jen off last night, since she's a
lesbian.  "Huh!  So, really what I'm trying to say is we both get some of
the same, discrimination.  From both sides, straight guys think it's hot,
that I'm bisexual, and want to watch."

   "Like straight guys want to watch Chicks with Dicks, sorry, that's the
name of the movie."

   "I know.  Clerks."

   "What?"

   "You know the movie, Clerks?  Randal watched it."

   "Oh, I never seen it, but it's more like a series.  They got at least 28
of 'em, since I saw #28."

   "Not 37?"

   "I don't think so." I giggled.  "What?"

   "I'll show you later.  I got a copy at home, if you want to come over
and watch it with me?"

   "At the center?"

   "Oh, no." That wouldn't work, "But you want to try on all the stuff you
buy, when the stores open?"

   "Oh, yeah."

   "So, we can do it over at mom's house."

   "Okay." I held the door, held up a couple fingers.  "2?"

   "yes'sir.  Right this way.." We got a booth.  Not a lot of tables, but
some empty ones, no wait?  Today, try to get in there on the weekends. 
Mostly locals, he threw her purse in the corner, so I shook my head.

   She's not confused, I am.  Another thing they say about bisexuals, I
don't really know what they say about.  Trans, girls?  Definitely not the
place to ask, and I can't take her to the bathroom, where there is a line.
Or a mama waiting with her nina.  Shake my head.  "You better order without
chili." he looked up from the menu, "Or sauce on the side if you want to
try it."

   "You want something to drink?"

   "Nah, got it." He put his big trucker up on the table.

   "I'm sorry, but we really can't allow outside food, or drink."

   "Let me out.  Sorry, I'll leave it out front?" She nodded, "Then I'll
have a large pepsi."

   "And for you, miss?"

   "Toast?" I put my hand up.  Held the menu like a platter, and nodded. 
"I want eggs on top, then red chili on one, and green on the other?" I
nodded.  "And a pot of coffee."

   "How do you want the eggs?"

   "Over medium?  Tell him to cook the whites, and leave the yellow runny."

   "Got it, white or wheat toast?"

   "Whole wheat?" I handed her the menu.

   "I'll go get your drinks."

   Right, kinda woke, and boke this morning.  Shake my head.  The Christmas
Special, not really what you call it, or what I'd call it if you put it on
a menu, but you can get it anywhere.  Best way to eat the chili salsas, for
breakfast.  I can come up with.

   "So anyway," I nodded, "I guess I'm a quarter Spanish, and.  Um." Think,
"A, sixteenth?  Pueblo.  Santo-Domingo?" He shook his head, "Yeah, I have
some family down there, but they're like second cousins, twice removed." At
the closest.

   "And the rest of your family?"

   "Mostly Italian, Irish, and Jewish." I nodded.  "American?  New Mexican,
but mostly anglo."

   "Huh!" He thought, "Angela?  Or Angelina?"

   "You daughter's name?"

   I winked.

   "Oh, yeah!" He looked around, "I'm, gonna have a baby.  Or my
girlfriend's pregnant." he nodded, turned back around to the table, lowered
her voice, grinned, and giggled.  "Hihihihn!  Good thinking." It still
sounds weird, coming from a.  Well, I'd have to say Alto sax, or maybe the
higher keys on a Baritone?  Lowered her voice, but then pitched up in a
giggle?

   "Decide what you want yet?"

   "Yeah, I think I'll try your buritto?"

   "Bacon, sausage, chorizo."

   "What's that?"

   "He's from back east."

   She nodded, wet her pen on her tongue.

   "Spanish sausage, we make ours here."

   "Is it spicy?"

   "A little."

   "Yeah, I'll try that."

   "Red, green, or christmas?"

   "Oh, hold the chili.  He can try mine, why I ordered that."

   "Oh right," she flipped back, "So you want wheat toast, with 2 eggs,
red, and green over it?"

   "Yeah," I told him, "That's what she means by Christmas.  Red, and green
chili?"

   "Oh, and you have chips, and salsa?"

   "This isn't a Mexican place." She flipped her pad back, and went to
place our order.

   "What was that about."

   "Don't worry about it, they're just proud of the food here.  For good
reason, but, for instance, this is one of the 5 places in town Bobby Flay
isn't welcome."

   "Seriously?"

   "Well, I don't know.  That's the local joke around here, I'd kind of
like to see what'd really happen if he tried to."

   '., {Red Hot Chili Peppers - Higher ground (Mother's Milk)}

   "So, this one time, in band camp?" I sat back.

   "American Pie, I saw that one.  Or, two.  Yeah, the first two.  How many
they up to?"

   "Here's your coffee.  And your pepsi?"

   "Thanks."

   "So, I was the nerdy girl.  Before it was cool!"

   He laughed.

   "So Angel?"

   "I don't know, sounds like a pretty name, but Angel something.  Angela?"

   Hard to imagine him as an Angela.  Well, especially straightened up, out
in public.  Another Hispanic couple, right next to us, but no kids.  With
them, that looked like a motherly stare of disapproval.  For being pregnant
so young.

   "Here's your chili." she set the platter down, "Your burritto will be
right out."

   "Thanks, maam." She was already gone.

   'Leave a good tip?' He looked, no she.  Definitely looked sorry.  For
offending her, I guess, but you get 1 tourista offense, here.  They're that
proud of their food, I started with the red.  "Mh!" Coffee, lots of
creamer, let that soak in a little, and put my fork down.  Well, half, and
half.  Not non-dairy, but still in like.  Half a K-cup.

   "Hot?"

   "Yeah, I think Tecolote might be more your speed.  If you want to enjoy
your first time.  Your uncle doesn't like New Mexico food?"

   "More Tex-mex.  Really."

   "Here's your buritto.  Careful, it's a hot-plate."

   He cut it with a knife, and fork.  "Oh," orange fluffy scrambled eggs
fluffed out.  "I think I had this before."

   "They use the red chili in the chorizo here, but not as much.  You don't
want to pour more chili on top."

   "Mh!" He nodded, chewing, and grinning.  Definitely him, but then he
went for his soda pretty quick after that.

   "You like coffee?" I waved for the waitress.

   "That help?"

   "The creamer.  Yeah, can I get some tortillas, and a side of butter?"

   "Of course."

   "You ever hear about Cortez, and Montezuma?"

   "Uh, uh."

   I poured another cup, and picked up another creamer.

   "Well, when the Conquestadore's ran into the Aztecs, there was some
fighting, and stuff, but then Montezuma sat down with Cortez, and tried to
negotiate a compromise."

   "Mhm?" He chewed.

   "So, they had this big feast, with Chiles, and asado, and vegitables. 
Orwhateverbut when the Spaniards got to the chiles, they were all, 'Aye,
Picante, picante'!" I buttered a tortilla.  "So, Montezuma says: 'Buttered
tortilla take away the fire.' He tried it.  Chewed, and nodded, while I
blew, and took another sip.  "So anyway, they stayed up all night,
partying, until the next morning when they heard a voice, whisper from
behind a bush."

   He set his drink down, and nodded.  "Uh huh?"

   'hey, Paco, pass me a butter tortilla!'

   The next table laughed, but I'm sure they already heard it.

   "I don't get it."

   "Ye!" The man turned around, "You weel!" Patter him on the back, but she
shrank back, and started to curl up a little.

   "Oh, so it's a joke."

   "No, cabron!  Is true, it happen!"

   She looked like she was gonna cry, "Oh, don't worry about it.  It's
tourist season, so the locals like to take shots at the touristas."

   She went out to smoke, so I started on the green, to let her cool off.

   Now, I can see it.  Even yesterday, she even holds her cigarettes. 
Salems, 100s, because Virginia Slims would be too obvious?

   I shrugged, but added another creamer to wash it down.  The green's even
hotter today, but the egg yolk helps a lot.  I stirred it in to make the
next bite cooler.

   You got to creep up on the chiles, especially here.  If you try to wolf
it down all at once, it won't kill you, but you might wish you're dead. 
Oh, and Montezuma's Revenge?  They weren't talking about diarrhea, but
he'll get used to that, too.

   ;

   Hot Topic {Sisters of Mercy - Walk Away (First, Last, and Always)}

   "Hey," she crowded up, right on my shoulder.  "Is she Goth?"

   I looked.  "Hey, Raven.  Are you goth?" She laughed.

   "Of course not."

   "Yeah, she is."

   "I don't get it."

   "I'll explain later, but you like this?"

   She turned it up.

   "It's all right."

   "Help you guys need help with finding something?"

   "Yeah, a babybat instakit, stat!"

   "He like Bondage pants?" She stopped at a display.

   "Oh, no." She tilted her head.  "What size is that?"

   Checked the tag, "Medium/Tall." Held them up.

   He shook her head.

   She shrugged, put them back up.

   "What size are you?"

   "I don't know, what dress size is 38?"

   "Dress?" She brightened up.

   "Yeah, we're thinking more about cross dressing."

   "I shaved my legs!"

   "Oh, kay?"

   "TMI." I shook my head, and LOLed.

   Long legs, though.  Skinny jeans, boot cut.

   "Uh," she looked around, "We don't have any changing rooms in here."

   "Ooh!" Red, and black checks.  Skirt.  "Is this a kilt?"

   Pleated.  "Nope, just a skirt."

   "Thanks, Raven."

   "Whenever you're done." Back to the counter.

   "Let me show you a trick." She wrapped it around her neck.  "See?  If
it'll go around your neck, it'll go around your waist."

   "Huh!" I doubt it.  Feeling my neck, I don't know.  I have some pretty
broad hips.

   She handed me the hanger, and threw it over her forearm.

   "Did you shave your arms, too?" She nodded, grinning, but not quite
giggling.

   "What about this one?" Checked the label too.  "Here, hold this." I
slung it over my shoulder, while she unhooked it from the hanger, and
wrapped it around her neck.

   "You into bondage?"

   "I don't know," she looked back.  You know, her hair doesn't look
metalhead.  "Um, kenIask you something?"

   "Shoot." He's a southern belle!  "Hihehahn!"

   "How come they're called bondage pants if they're so loose?"

   "Nehauha!" I shook my head, "I have no idea!"

   The song changed.  "Hey, Raven?" He went around the bondage pants end of
the aisle.  I can see her from here, so.  Yeah.  "Who's this?"

   "We're listening to?  Sisters of Mercy?"

   "Can you turn it up a little more?"

   "Temple of Love," She came back out.  "We got that album." Pulled it out
of the case, and slid it shut.  "On Cassette, or Vinyl, too."

   "Uh, that's the single.  What album is that again?" Not gonna sell him
an EP, on a CD.  She's obviously new to this shopping thing.

   "Vison Thing."

   "Yeah, that sounds good."

   "It looks like this."

   Brought out the teeshirt.

   He just threw it over his arm.

   "Oh, no.  That's Some Girls Wander by Mistake." She went back for it.

   Right, she forgot.  In a Slight Case of Overbombing tour shirt.

   "Here it is." She handed back the Vision Thing one.  Took off his Ride
the Lightning one off, and pulled the other on.

   Okay, she's got to make a paycheck.

   "Come on, before you do any more damage."

   "What?"

   "Look at the price tags yet?"

   "Oh." She did.  "No." Went back to put some of it back.

   "Just get the shirt, and pick a skirt." We'll swing by Hastings on the
way to the bus stop.

   "This one?"

   "No, the other one." With the black, and red checks.

   "This one's cheaper."

   "Like that's a good thing."

   "Ooh," she wiggled his fingers, "This one's got Pockets!" She even hung
the other one back up on the hangers.

   ;

   Hastings {SoM - "Under the Gun" (A Slight Case of Overbombing)}

   "You don't have to say you're sorry..."

   "HEY, THIS IS PRETTY GOOD!"

   She said something?

   "Hun?"

   "I said I'm right here."

   "Oh," I put the head phones down.  "Sorry." Everyone went back to
whatever they're doing.

   I nodded, dropped it.  "So, what's the joke about Are You a Goth?"

   "It's from the Cure."

   "Oh, I love them!" Right.  Probably Goth.

   "The joke is, even Goths say, 'oh, we're not goth," so even if you ask
them, that's the most likely answer.  Since non-goths will tell the truth,
so I thought it might be in keeping with your denial.  I mean, closet
Goth."

   "Ohh!" she got it, "So, I'm Not Goth!" Nodded, and winked.

   "Yeah."

   "So, what's that got to do with the Cure?"

   "Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but the first 5 or so bands weren't
Goth. I think the Cure was the first ones that said it, but they didn't
call it that.  They're all punk, or post punk.  Depeche Mode is really more
like new wave Synth-pop."

   "I like some of their stuff.  Great guitars!" I grabbed the side, and
held it up to my ear.

   "Are you liven?  Are you livin' for love?"

   "I think it's like a greatest hits album." I turned my head around. 
"See, they got a bunch of songs from different albums."

   "Well, they didn't have Some Girls Wander by Mistake.  They got First
Last, and Always, but I see Vision Thing, and there's Temple of Love!?"

   "Uh, not right in my ear!" she brushed me off.  "Of course.  You would,
but the point is, there's always been kids like you.  That felt like
outsiders, for various different reasons before they started calling it
Goth."

   "So, who's the first 5 not-goth bands?"

   "I don't know.  I'm not really that Gothic, but I got friends.  If I had
to guess, other than The Cure, Sisters of Mercy, Depeche Mode, and Misfits,
how many's that?"

   "4, I think."

   "Then I'd have to say probably Bauhaus, but not after that.  They're up
here with the Sisters." I pointed, "And the Cure.  Souxie, and the
Banshees."

   "So that's like a Tie?"

   "I'm really not the expert on Goth music.  I don't even listen to it,"
but now I have another friend to make me sick of it.  "Huh!  But I can
stand it, how much money you got?"

   "I don't know, couple hundred left.  Didn't have much to spend it on,
I'm supposed to save.  Some of it.  But.  I think I can splurge, a little."

   Digging around in her purse.  Yeah, that's definitely not even a
man-purse.  Just a purse, not even Camo, but.  I giggled.

   "Camoflage purse."

   "I don't get it."

   "Neither do the straights."

   "Oh, yeah."

   We got up to the counter, and he just got all the bags back.

   "Oh, no.  I am Not getting stuck carrying the Hottopic bag." Even with a
skirt in it.

   "I might borrow it, if it fits me."

   "I'm not paying that much for one, even with Pockets, but What's with
you, and pockets, anyway?"

   "I don't like them.  Or at least pocket junk?  I can tuck the pocket
away if it bunches up, but it just bugs me."

   "What?"

   "I don't know, my keys ferinstance.  Just jangling around in there, or
change if I sit on it."

   "Yeah, but then it just collects in the bottom of your purse."

   "So, I don't need a piggy bank.  I really never even got, usta having
money all the time, so.  I might spend some if it gets heavy but.  "Uh!"

   She wiped off her forehead, and I giggled.

   "What?"

   "Oh, you looked like you're gonna swoon!"

   "Well, it aint that hot, so why don't we head for the bus stop," and
swing by the bushes on the way, instead of cutting across.  "Shoot!" How
she lives with that ginormus Texas sized cup.  "You get that in Texas?" I
know that shape, with the red, white, and blue patches cutting it roughly
in thirds.

   "Yeah, at a truck stop." Showed me Luv's on the back, but finished
unclipping the strap, to let it hang by the handle, empty.  "What is that,
44 ounces?"

   "66."

   "Right, for Route 66."

   "Yeah, we drove on some of it, on up to Alberquerque."

   "Should've taken the left there."

   "Huhehihn!  That a joke?"

   "Yeah, Bugs Bunny.  Well, a reference.  Allusion if you want to get
technical."

   "So, you're a music nerd?"

   "Yeah, classical music." I lied, "Tried to become a concert violist, it
didn't work out.  Drugs."

   "That like a Violin?"

   "Closer to that than a Chello, about yay big?."

   "I can't wait to try on this." She held it out.  Dropped her purse off
in the corner, as usual.  "They got a soda fountain in there?"

   "Closest one's probably Eckards, or you'd have to go to the food court."

   "Your mom live over by the Center?"

   "Not far from there.  A little past that, so closer to the Alsups. 
That's my stop."

   "So, the same bus." Leaned over the schedules.  "Uh, next one's gonnabe,
in a couple minutes."

   "Unless they're late."

   "I'll fill up at the station then."

   ;

   Anonymous (tf NS.  No Guy Fawlkes Mask, just hasn't picked a name yet.
Don't even know what to think of herself, yet.)

   "Oh." We didn't get right to the building, it was more like you know
Irene lives over here?

   Yeah, Irene Castanza?  AKA Mom.

   In a word: "Oh." It added up, "She looks nothing like you?"

   "I'madopted."

   "Oh, from the center?"

   "It's not an Orphanage, either."

   "Then how come you stay there, instead of back home?"

   "Because she doesn't work nights, there?  We had a fight, doesn't matter
what petty bullshit it was about, but." He bites his nails.  "Uh, why do
you do that?"

   "Oh," he looked down.  "BTSB."

   "What's that?"

   "I don't know what it stands for, some commercial adhesive they use to
adhere stucco to walls."

   "Oh, you want me to do your nails?"

   "Oh yeah!  Definitely!" I nodded, and hopped on the couch.

   "How about Andi?"

   "You think she'd mind if we borrowed her pipe?"

   "What it's for?" Can't roll a joint, and do my nails, but she came back
with an emery board.  2 tone, she started on the lighter side.

   "It wrecks your nails."

   "I know!"

   "You have great hair."

   "You think so?" I felt it.

   "Yeah, that's one of the first things I noticed.  You dress like a
metalhead, but you take care of it."

   "Oh yeah, I use Dove.  Intense moisture?  I didn't useda need
conditioner, but this summer weather.  Don't even halfta blowdry it."

   "Oh, my god!"

   "What?"

   "You really blowdry your hair?"

   "I used to.  To braid it, otherwise it got all frizzy back home."
Sister's too.  "I don't have one to borrow here, since my uncle's single."
Kind-of.  He doesn't want to settle down, with 1 woman.  He told me, much
prefers the Bachelour life, I even kind of cramp his style.  Sleeping on
the couch.

   "Oh yeah.  You think she'd mind if I keep my.  Nice clothes here?  So my
uncle won't see it.  The skirt especially." Didn't buy anything else but
the shirt.  I guess it's like my skirt, the only thing it really says is
Sisters on it.  "You want to put this on?" I handed it to her.  "Just skip
the first track." I want to hear more of it.

   "Ooh!" I dropped my pants, "I like this one!"

   "Temple of Love?  Oh."

   "Sorry." I pulled the skirt up.

   "Boxer briefs?"

   "They're comfortable?" I zipped it up, tried to work in the button. 
"Hey, how come the buttons are backwards?"

   "I don't know, I can look it up later."

   "Yur mom have books on that?"

   "No, the internet?" She nodded.  So, I picked up the emery board. 
Started on the rough side, since the next nail's rough.

   "No, don't saw it back, and forth.  It's not a saw." She put the pipe
down.  "Just run it up one side, then the other."

   "What do I do when I get to the middle?"

   "Let me see this.  Then you buff it up, like this." From the outside.

   "Oh, thanks." I tried that.  "So, you got any makeup?"

   "Oh, my God!"

   "Huhahehi!"

   "God, you're adorable." She got up, and took her pipe with her.  I kept
working on my nail.  Tried it on the inner lining, is that satin?  I can
check the tag when I take it off.  Said polyester outer, but I didn't read
that far.

   "She doesn't have any black, of course." She rattled bottles around in a
tray.  One of 2, with a handle between them.  She set them down.  "How's
this look?"

   "Burgundy?"

   "Burnt cherry." She nodded.  Held it up by my skirt.  "No wait,
crimson?"

   "Definitely red." I nodded.  "Or pink?"

   "She doesn't have any pink.  Orange?" She wrinkled her nose, and shook
her head.  "Well, lets do your nails first, but.  I'm not qualified to do
your face."

   "Why not?"

   "Never really got into makeup?  Mom doesn't like me getting into her's,
but we'll call this an emergency.  You'll have to wait until she gets
home."

   "I tried it, but only really managed to make myself look uglier."

   "Oh," she patted my hand, "You're not ugly."

   "Awe, you're just saying that."

   "No, Andi.  You like Andy?" She held my hands, so I stopped, and looked
up.  Nodded.  "Let me tell you something, you're not ugly.  At all, anyone
who told you that was probably either jealous, or a bigot."

   "Oh!"

   "Especially when you blush like that, Ihihihn!"

   "Ihihihihihn?"

   ;

   {INS how much of this you want to read, but this is my fantasy.  If you
made it this far, you must have a higher than normal tolerance to girl
talk, but if you get bored, you can always scroll down to the end.  I
promise to throw in some sex for you later, but right now I'm quite happy
hanging out, and talking Fashion.

   Oh yeah, and Fashion (Scary Monsters...) David Bowie, that is.  Followed
up by Skrillex - Rock and Roll (Will take you to the Mountian.) Scary
Monsters, and Nice Sprites, instead of Super Creeps.  Because she's a
mistress of Allusion, too.}

   ;

   Irene

   "Uh!  Turn that down?"

   "Your disk."

   "I know, what are you doing in here, and.  What's he doing here?"

   "She."

   "You think you can do my makeup?"

   In a skirt.

   "Right." I dropped my purse, "Sorry, I just forgot."

   "It's okay, I'm used to it."

   "Is that my nail polish?"

   "Yeah, you like it?"

   "Now, mom.  I know how you feel about me getting into your stuff, but we
had a fashion emergency on our hands.  So;"

   "You decided to give her a fashion Makeover?"

   "We are the goon squad, and we're coming to town, beep beep..."

   "Well, I couldn't exactly take her to the center, so we went to
Hottopic. She picked it all out.  If you want to fight, I'll go out there,
and tell her to put his pants on, but it'll break her heart." She held up
her hands, thumbs up.

   "She invited along on this guild trip too?"

   "Nihehahah!  Learned from the best."

   "Well, I wasn't expecting company, and you missed dinner." So, I didn't
save her a plate.  "This mean you're spending the night?"

   "Ooh, can we!?"

   "Huh!  I was hoping for a nice quiet night, but.  I suppose.  If you
have to."

   "Well, we already ate."

   "Oh yeah.  We had breakfast at Horseman's Haven, and then lunch at
Tecolote, then dinner at Upper Crust."

   "Where'd you get all the money for that?"

   "I saved up."

   "Oh.  You took her downtown?"

   "I haven't been out much since I got here."

   "She score any drugs?"

   "MoOoM!"

   "She helped me get some grass?" Busy rolling up on the coffee table.

   "Huh!" I went back for my wine glass.

   "You want greens?"

   "You really want me to do your makeup?"

   "You're probably the most qualified."

   "Yeah, I didn't even want to attempt it." Over by my door.

   "Yeah, go ahead and get my stuff."

   "The big one?"

   "Yeah, but you're stuck playing gopher."

   "All right, mom." She shook her head.

   "Okay, sit up, let me have a look at you.  And don't cross your legs."
In a skirt.  "That way."

   "Oh, sorry." She slid her knee over the other.

   "Did you shave them?"

   "Yeah, last night.  I couldn't sleep."

   "He took a nap when we got back."

   "Hold your head up, like this?" I turned, "Uh huh?  The other way.  Can
you turn that." I shudder to call that, "Music down?"

   "Sorry, made the playlist before you got home.  Note to self, mom
doesn't like Dubstep."

   "Yeah, me neither."

   "Oh yeah, uhm..." Over the desktop.  "I think we can all agree on
Depeche Mode?"

   "Oh, that's fine."

   "Yeah, me too."

   Started with Black Celebration.  "That the whole album?"

   "Uh huh?  I put on all of it.  Want it on shuffle?"

   "That'll work."

   "Yeah, good idea."

   "Now," I frowned, "I don't think I can blend out this jawline, so. 
Sweety, can you get my scissors?  Out of the bathroom, top drawer, next to
the sink?"

   "Which ones?"

   "The hair shears."

   "These?"

   "You want bangs?" I held it out.  "Hm!"

   "She takes real good care of it."

   "I see that." If I look close enough I can see some split ends, but not
a lot.  "Well, without any damage to cut off." Think, turning her hair
back, and forth.  "Does it naturally drape like this?"

   "Can you do bangs!?"

   I winced.

   "Oh sorry."

   "i know you're excited, sweety, but I'm right here."

   "And another long day?"

   "Oh yeah, and you haven't heard yet.  Dave's out."

   "Of the center?" She nodded.

   "Forgive me for asking, but isn't it a woman's only center?"

   "Huh, technically, however we agreed to make an exception while he
transitioned, until his hormones became a problem."

   "You mean, transition as in a sex-change?"

   "Yes, but female-to-male, not male to female.  Have you answered any
questions?"

   "Oh yeah.  Sierra helped a lot, so.  I guess you don't have to work with
me, as much."

   "Oh, good." I combed her bangs out, "Now hold still."

   I carefully clipped across.

   "How's it look?"

   "I barely started, but." Looking for the mirror.

   "Here." She handed it to her.

   "Oh, thanks."

   "Is that short enough?  I went a little long, because I can always cut
it again."

   "Can't cut it any longer,' she nodded.  "Let me see the rest of it
first, but can you get the rest out've my oth'reye?"

   "Of course." I combed it out, "Hold still."

   ;

   "Huh?" My glass of wine ran out, so I headed for the kitchen.  "Right."
Quietly.

   I had a dream, he was crying, so I held her until she stopped, and
looked up at me?

   Shake my head, grab a soda spritzer.  I'm a drunk, a recovering drunk. I
self medicate with a glass of wine so I don't get the shakes, but that's
why I buy it by the glass.

   "Huh!"

   "Bi bi bi!" Shake my head.

   "Huh!" Now I'm horny, and it's the middle of the night, but is there
such a thing as trisexual?  I don't know, it's her legs.  They're just so
long, and smooth, cleanshaven, but muscular, and she has a nasty habit of
manspreading in a red, and black checked Kogal skirt.  "Hihn!"

   And she's 14, younger than my daughter, who flirted with her all night,
but.

   {Die Antwoord - "Baby's on Fire" (Tension)}

   It doesn't hurt to think about.  It.  What might be hiding under her
skirt, and she really is a big dorky girl.  Guffaws like a burro, but just
watching her little transformation, right in front of me.

   I like seeing them together.  My own Sierra, with her.  They get along
famously, and I'm feeling a little naughty.

   Lusting after a teenage girl, at your age, you should be ashamed of
yourself!  "Hearh!" I got up, not getting any more sleep anyway, but while
I'm up.

   I got out the belt, and turned off the light.  "HIHN!" Let it slip over
my shoulder.  "Hihn!" Turned my head, and the belt over to feel the rough
inside graze down my cheek.  My neck, rolling over to give myself an nice
swat.  "Hmn!" Relax, and get up on my elbows to tie it on by feel.

   "HhHhu, huh!" Shivering.  I can't spank myself like this, but I can turn
my head, and imagine Him.  Standing over me, let my shoulders rest in the
soft comforter, and feel the belt tight around my wrists.  Slip up between
my legs, anticipating the moment he'll strike.

   ...

   God I'm wet, as?

   Forget the simile, I can just imagine his belt clinking.

   Whisper.  'i'm sorry.'

   The whisper of the leather slipping around denim, and a couple slaps of
the tip flapping through the loops.

   Not sorry enough.  I'll teach you a lesson.

   "Nh, hm!" I got up.  "Snh!" Stinking, fithy fucking slut.  Gonna need
the big one to fill your nasty snatch, you been out fuckin every guy in
town again?  Fucking whore, need 2 dicks to fill you up, where's my money,
then?

   I fumbled out the dong.

   's'sorry.'

   I'll make you sorry, get on the bed!

   Shaking now, denying myself a little longer, but I can't help imagining
her hand.  With the short polished nails.  My crimson glossy slipping off
her big long fuckstick.

   "Lgh, guh!  Khah!  St'pB!"

   Contrasting nicely with her black, and bright red checked skirt,
smoothing it down her lap, over her fresh shaved legs, and the incongruous
lump of hardness holding it up with her panties.

   "Hhhhhhah' Sinking down, relaxing.  Now feeling her breasts soft against
my back.  Her rough long fingers, strong, teasing up my sides, and ribs.

   "Nh, hm, rh, nrh!"

   Shaking in her hands, pounding in, and out of me.

   Bite the blanket, try to pull more in with my tongue to muffle the
cries, and moans from her putting me in my place.

   Filthy slut, lustin' after that freak.  That confused not so little boy
in a dress.  Why, you'll fuck anything huh?

   Leaning down to kiss me, the rough pads of her fingertips brushing my
cheek, a little bit of stubble around the edge, where he didn't quite shave
it close enough.

   Just sitting back, leg up, crossed over her knee, and shaving it.

   "Huh!  HUH!" Just fall over, curl up, quiver wrapped around the hard
dead plastic inside of me, and remember the rough leather tight around my
wrists.

   "HhHuhhuh!" Scooch up to find the pillow, cuddle up with it, and slip my
fingers together.

   Balled up, in a double fist to rest my head on.

   "Hhhhhhhh,'

   I can pass back out now, but I wished I'd done my ankles, too.

   ;

   Angie-to-Andi (Trigger Warning: Surreal.}

   "Hey."

   "Oh, hey."

   "You got another cigarette?"

   She came out with me, in her nighty, but there was nobody around to see
it.

   "Nice nighty."

   "A little chilly."

   I hugged her.

   "Oh, you said nighty."

   I'm starting to notice when she's hitting on me.

   "I got to get to work."

   "Well, thanks for stopping bye, and the cigarettes.  Thanks for
everything.  Last night was great, I mean really.  Very.  great?" She shook
her head.

   "Sierra?  I like you.  As a friend, the big sister I never hand, and. 
Huh!  I'm just not ready for sex."

   "Well, who said anything about sex?"

   "You did, wellImean, not in so many words, but I got the message.  I may
be a little slow to catch on sometimes, but I got the memo."

   "Oh no.  I'm all right with friends, I just.  You don't mind if we
cuddle a little, and maybe make out some times?"

   "Maybe," I brushed her hand off my chest.  "Later, I got to get to
work."

   "Uh!" I just shook my head.

   And what her momma said about her replacing another drug with sex.  I
understand, I do, but it still makes me uncomfortable.  She hits on me,
"Huhihn!" Look around, "Uhmn," think.

   I need some coffee, and how much soda have I been drinking lately?

   "...Whatever drug she's been on lately..."

   "Extacy."

   Oh, yeah.  Probably not a good idea to get back into sex when you're
trying to get off being hooked on anything called "Extacy."

   She hits Hard, though!

   "Where you been?"

   "Oh, I spent the night at my girl friends' house." I bit my lip.

   "You finally got a girlfriend?" he laughed.

   "Huh, yeah." He scrubbed my hair.

   "Huhahah!  Remind me to call your daddy when we get a chance.  He owes
me 50 bucks!  Told him I'd make a man outta you."

   ;

   "Huh!" I caught my breath.

   "Man up, ya pussy!"

   "Just a minute." Got out a Salem.

   "Huh!" Wipe my brow.  Look at the sweat on the back of my hand, "Whew!"

   Altitude sickness, the Nicotine helps with it.

   "We're already behind without all yer smoke breaks, almost had to hire
some spic kid yesterday.  Go getmea bucket of BTSB, makeyerself useful."

   Like PTSD?

   "Make it 2.  Pay him to stand around, weezin."

   I nodded.  North Carolina was like a warzone, but like a cold war, where
I'm a spy for Russia, or something.

   "Harryup, time's a waistin!" No, wait.  A bond girl!

   "Yeah." Grunted, and walked them back like a Fantasia broom.

   1a them, cocktail dresses.

   "Better unload the truck," he rolled it, and started on the tar-paper
under chicken wire backing.  Tucked more in with a paintbrush.

   Red dress.  Sparkling, maybe with some black gems?  No, jewelry, what's
the black jewels?  Onyx I think, or maybe it's obsidian?  No ebony, no
wait, that's in Morrowind.

   "Huh!" Start stacking bags.  Not really adobe, it's cinder-block.  He
knows how to do adobes, with mud, and traditional, mud.  Mudding.

   Wouldn't want to do it in a cocktail dress.  "Ihihihihn!" It'd mess up
the dress, uncle Rich wiping off his fingertips on his jeans.  Smear marks,
"Ew," shake my head.

   It was just, weird.  I guess, seeing them in bed together this mornin'.

   It's not like they're really mother, and daughter.  I guess that's what
she ment when she said "Adopted."

   Right, they're both bisexual.  I forget which one said "Really more like
room mates." Don't even look alike, really.

   "Dangit," I got a hardon again.  Just let me open the door, and get
behind it to fish it out of my pantleg.  "Damned.  Thing?" Pulled up my
shorts, and slammed the door.

   But in a coctail dress.  What I'd like is a work dress.

   "Yeah!" Nice broad loadbearing shoulder straps, and a utility belt with
pockets, and nailbags for.

   Well, jobsite.  Probably whistles when I squatted down to get the
baseboard.  Or under them, I can just lay the broom on it's side, and sweep
along under.

   "You need to go take care of that?"

   "Kinda halfta take a piss."

   "Go use the bathroom, but fer christ sakes, cover it up're something."
He got up, and threw down his hat.

   "Sorry." I shifted my toolbag around front.

   No wait, an apron!  So I can get at the pockets, I don't need 2 pouches,
and it would compliment a woman's body.  Better.

   I need a model, so like.  Debby Dunning, from Home Improvement?  Yeah,
but with a short utility apron, with nailbags, and slots on the side for
tools, and stuff.

   No wait, it cant be like a strap around the back of her neck, that would
just get hot, and uncomfortable.  Probably catch on her hair.  Wipe under
mine with the towel, or a corner of it wet from the ice water.  "Huh!"

   Does it have to be uncomfortable?

   "I don't know," but the swellings gone down, so I can finally take a
piss.

   "Huh!"

   "Everything cum out all right?" He winked, and grinned.

   "Yeah, huh?" Maybe a purse in the back, too.  To keep guys from looking
at their asses, at work.  You know, for heavy stuff, or books;

   "Can you give me a hand mixing the compound?"

   Doesn't even call it stucco.  It isn't, technically.

   "Quitcher daydreaming, and git ta mixin!"

   "Sorry."

   "Goodfirnothin, faggot!"

   "Hey, I'm not, you know!"

   {Oh yeah, and No Sex.}

   ;

   Game Night

   "So, it's like D&D?"

   "House rules," Mom's the DM.

   "Girls game too, you know?  Don't let any guys tell you different."

   "So, how do you play?"

   "Well, first you need a character."

   "A woman."

   "Yes, of course." She got out a book.  "Here."

   A notebook, handwritten, in pencil.  And colored pencil, I tried not to
smear my makeup, touching it.  "Sorry," I wiped it off on my skirt.

   "Here's my character.  She's a Tank!"

   "Dwarf." Beard, hips.

   "Gelviscian!"

   I read it, besides Race: and Hybrid, nodded.

   Blinked.  Titled my head.  "Are those shields, numb chucks?" She doesn't
have body hair, she has fur!  "And, gorilla feet?" With thumbs, 2 of them,
each.

   "Well, they're daggers, or shortswords." She nodded, "But she uses them
to parry, like bucklers?"

   "Yeah, I play video games." And read fantasy.  Stuff.

   "Are those hatchets?" Hanging from short chains, bike chains it looked
like.

   "Pisce-poli, Can you pay attention a minute?" She slapped the empty
character sheet.

   "Can we start with the picture?  Let go!" Pulled it out, and picked up a
pencil.  Put my leg up, and set it on the notebook.  Wiped the open corner
a second, thinking.

   "What's a Dervish?"

   "Oh, that's her Profession."

   "So that's Pro: So like a class?" She nodded, "So, a builder."

   "Magic, or mundane?"

   "We're all maja."

   "Is that, the.  Uh!" Flopped my head back, "Latin suffix?"

   "Yeah."

   "Well, what kinda magic does she do?"

   "Blood magic, breeding witch, and bonemolding."

   "Like in Morrowind?"

   "Not really."

   {Red Hot Chili Peppers - "The Power of Equality" (BloodSugarSexMagic)
:Belated Lietmotif.}

   "Thanks, mom."

   "Don't mention it."

   ;

   Dungeon Mom (Fft/OHY Fant Role Play NS.  That's Omnigyne, Hermaphrodite,
and Yipheth, respectively.)

   Elven field engineer.  Between the three of us, we came up with
something pretty good.  Ranger, but the kind they bring to battle, sieges,
and an Elven grown hand ballista.  Built in shield to reload behind,and a
multimaul.

   Tool, and weapon, combines axe, hammer, can be driven into a stump as a
makeshift anvil, and has a mail breaker/drill spike out the front.  To hang
from the loop from the loop in the back of her battle-apron.

   Also, a field engineer, so if they turtle up, she can whip up the cannon
to bombard the walls, or over them.  Woodwarper, if there's a forest, the
trees will help her gather wood, and assemble a trebauchet, or ballista. 
Realoaded by the trees, as fast as they can grow ammo.  Grew the hammer out
of solid rock, with an iron vein, wood forged into the metal spike on the
end of the solid stone root fractured ruby.

   Wood, and stone jewelry too.  Armor, but drawn more like jewelry, green
photosynthetic hair, red eyes, and the stone, of quartz.

   "So, you ready to begin our adventure?"

   "Yeah,"

   "Uh, huh?"

   "Good, well you heard from the elders about the Wretched.  She's rooted
in the crater at the pole." She picked up the crumpled piece of paper. 
Squeezed, and dyed blue in the middle, it was drawn out to almost a peak at
one end, but crumpled in the front, almost like a heart shape, or hybrid of
that, and an Egg.

   "Well, way back in the Race Wars, a Viscian breeder mage created a
hybrid with a Vaerdan woodwarper."

   "Like me!"

   "Yes, it was hoped that the combination of conflicted abilities, not to
mention seedthorn weaponry, and cancerous growth rates, she could breed
hybrid warriors, however, she lost control of her powers, and they consumed
her."

   "The wretched."

   "Yes, unfortunately, she went on a feeding spree, and ate quite a few
Freithi, before she started chowing down on wood, and breeding Horrors."

   "So, what did they do?"

   "Sent her after the Muldenhi.  The feeders quickly adapted to feeding
her, choking off their supply lines, as she came down the cliff from the
forest, and made her way into the Iron Wastes.

   "That's the crater.  That somehow moved a planet?"

   "That was the landing site of the ship that converted the planet into an
interplanetary vessel." I nodded, "But that's another long story, and we're
about to start yours.  So, let me finish the background real quick."

   "Well" she got up, "Let me take a piss, first.  Called back from the
bathroom, and the sound of it falling, quite a distance to the water.  She
shook it, and washed her hands.  Wiped them dry on her skirt.

   "You want to roll up another joint?" He grew up in North Carolina, up
one road from Winston, and down another one from Salem.  Probably learned
to roll a cigarette in his crib.

   "You know what girls in Raleigh say when they lose there virginity?  Ow,
get off me, daddy, you broke mah cigarettes!"

   Her mamma smokes cigars.

   "Thanks." I've never seen someone roll one like this by hand.  Always a
machine, or at least a dollar bill, or receipt, or something.  "Ph!" I
passed it.

   "Whew!  So, anyways, they decided the most likely way to kill it would
be Necromancy, but they sent along a bloodmage, and wood warper to capture
one of Her young, and experiment on it."

   "Stand out my hairs as quills, 'Necromancer'!" She got right in
character.

   "Uhm, what does she, I mean, you.  Look like?"

   "I," grinned, "Spent all day, drawing her!"

   "OOooOOH!  Ihihenheheauhauh!"

   "She looks, wicked!"

   "Yeah."

   ;
   {Still a WiP...}