Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 OH, BROTHER

   You know what I always liked about my little brother?  I don't either.
Oh, he has one or two good qualities but somehow he manages to taint them
one way or another.  For instance, he's really smart but he can't seem to
appreciate the line between being smart and being a smartass.

   Here's an example: One day I got stuck on a trig problem and asked him
if he could help me.  He's one of those math whizzes so he saw the solution
right away and showed me how to do it.  I was just about to say 'thanks'
when he added, "Of course, if you had a logical bone in your body you could
have figured it out." I was immediately reminded of why I should never ask
for his help.  He gets way to much satisfaction out of slamming me.  He's
even a jerk to Mom and Dad sometimes, which is why he's grounded about six
months out of the year.

   He wasn't always that way.  Up until about three years ago when he began
going through puberty and his voice changed, he was really a sweet kid.  He
was helpful, worked hard, totally dependable.  I've always heard that
testosterone does strange things to otherwise civilized males but it must
have awakened a 'nasty gene' in his brain.

   Benny - formally Benjamin - is fifteen now.  He prefers to say he's
almost sixteen but if he doesn't get his act together, sixteen may be an
unattainable goal.  In spite of the fact that he's been growing like a
weed, he manages to keep himself from looking like a six-foot long stick by
working out every afternoon.  He's still slim but his chest and arms are
well developed making his female classmates giggle and drool whenever he's
within pheromone range.  Makes me want to gag.

   There's a little over a year's difference in our ages.  I guess our
folks decided to get the family thing done in one quick flurry because
right after Benny was born my dad got a vasectomy done.  Or maybe he had
some sort of prescient inkling of what he had just fathered and said,
"Well, that's enough of that!"

   I, of course have always been the perfect child.  If you believe that, I
wonder if I could interest you in a good deal on the Golden Gate Bridge.  I
went through all the foot stomping, crying, petulance and demands to be
left alone all girls go through between the ages of twelve and sixteen.  I
once heard my dad tell my mom that life would be so much simpler if kids
could be buried at twelve and dug up at twenty.  I'm almost seventeen now
and I'm over all that stuff.  Mostly.

   But recently, things changed between Benny and me.  That's why I'm
writing this narrative; to try to get my thoughts organized.  So here's
what happened:

   Dad's younger brother died suddenly.  I mean really suddenly at the age
of thirty-eight.  It couldn't have been too much of a surprise because I'd
heard my dad say more than once that Greg - that was his brother's name -
wouldn't live to see forty if he didn't find some way to get off the booze.
Benny and I had never met him.  He'd been invited to family events and
holidays but it was his choice to live a solitary life on the streets.  I
always thought he must be mentally ill but Dad said he just didn't give a
damn about anything.  I think we were saying the same thing.

   Anyhow, Mom and Dad were going to fly back to St.  Louis for his funeral
and spend a few days with Grandma.  They could see that Benny and I weren't
terribly excited about going with them so they gave us the option of
staying home with some very strict conditions attached.  I know what you're
thinking; no sane parents are going to turn their mortgaged house over to
unsupervised fifteen and sixteen year old kids.  Well, get a load of the
conditions: 1) There would be absolutely no, count 'em zero, guests in the
house during their absence.  2) Any of three neighbors were to call them if
they had even a hint that anything wasn't normal, like strange cars in the
driveway.  3) Any infractions would result in loss of driving privileges
for me and two weeks grounding for Benny.  I didn't say anything but they
should have threatened to burn the collection of dirty magazines hidden in
his closet.  That would have insured his compliance.
Two days later, they left for St.  Louis and Benny and I left for
school. That evening I thought I'd play the good little homemaker and cook
a nice dinner for us.  I grilled some salmon steaks and made rice pilaf and

a nice salad.  Benny's response?  "I think I'll just have some cereal."

   Well, I lost it.  "Look here, you little shit!  If you think I'm going
to put up with your asinine, infantile behavior for the next five days, you
are sadly mistaken!  From now on I'd appreciate it if you would do your
damnedest to stay completely out of my sight." I left everything on the
table and stomped up to my room and slammed my door shut.  I was so pissed
I cried and that made me even angrier.

   I didn't leave my room for the rest of the evening.  After I finished my
homework, I just curled up on my bed with a good book and some peaceful
music playing in the background.  I guess I drifted off to sleep because I
was awakened about ten by a knock on my door.  When I opened it, Benny was
standing there looking kind of sheepish.

   "What part of 'Stay out of my sight' don't you understand?"

   "Uh, Gretchen, I'm sorry about what I said earlier.  I don't know why I
say things like that.  Just habit, I guess."

   "When I see you make some effort to change your habits, maybe I'll take
your apology seriously." I shut the door in his face and went to bed.

   The next morning I was a little bit surprised to see that he had cleaned
up the kitchen.  The food had been put into storage containers and the
dishes had been washed and put away.  I was appreciative but I wasn't being
bought off that easily.  One little glimmer of remorse didn't mean the
leopard had changed his spots.

   I had a quick breakfast and headed for the mall to meet a couple of
girlfriends.  It was Saturday so I didn't expect Lord Benjamin to stir his
royal carcass from his bed before noon.  I almost left a note to remind him
that Dad wanted the lawn mowed and trimmed but I changed my mind.  Since
encounters with my sibling usually got my blood to the boiling point, I
decided that, for the next five days I would make it a point to have no
encounters with him, verbal or written.  He could sink or swim on his own.

   Imagine my surprise when I pulled into the driveway three hours later
and saw him mowing the lawn.  It was a hot day so his nut-brown body was
dressed in shorts and sneakers.  He looked so good that I had to grudgingly
admit that, if he weren't my butt of a brother, I'd probably have the hots
for him.

   He waved at me as I got out of my car but I ignored him and went into
the house.  I sat at the kitchen table and scanned the newspaper want ads
for a part time job.  Summer break would begin in two weeks and I needed to
increase my cash flow.  I was hoping to find something a little more
interesting than flipping burgers at McDonalds.

   Benny came in the back door and sat down across the table from me.  I
knew he was staring at me but I refused to meet his eyes.

   "Truce, Gretchen?"

   I finally looked up at him and asked, "Meaning?"

   "Meaning I'm sorry for the way I've been acting and I'll try to do
better.  Just don't freeze me out, OK?"

   "Why would you even care?  Did you have some recent epiphany
illuminating the fact that you've been a total shit the last few years, or
what?" I could be a major league bitch myself when I put my mind to it.

   He looked hopelessly frustrated as he shook his head.  "Look, Gretchen,
I don't know why I do those things.  It's like I can't stop myself.  I've
been reading this book on early adolescent behavior and I've run across a
lot that strikes home.  One thing I read is that when guys are trying to
impress a girl, they sometimes do stuff that has the exact opposite effect.
I can't believe some of the crap that comes out of my mouth when I'm trying
to get a girl to notice me."

   "OK, let me get this straight.  You're saying you go out of your way to
piss me off because you like me?"

   He shrugged, "Well, yeah.  Something like that, I guess."

   "Sorry, Bro.  That doesn't compute."

   I started to get up from the table but he grabbed my arm.  "Gretchen,
please just sit down and talk to me.  I know I'm not saying it right but
try to help me out here.  Please!"

   I was about to slap his hand but I pulled up short when I saw that the
kid actually had a tear running down his cheek.  Slowly, I sat back down
and he took his hand away.

   "OK, Benny.  Truce for the time being.  Try again to tell me why you
make such an effort to give me grief."

   He took a deep breath and sighed.  "It's hard to explain.  Take last
night for instance.  When I saw that you had knocked yourself out to cook a
nice dinner, what I really wanted to do was thank you and give you a big
hug but I'm afraid to do that so what came out instead was this rude,
stupid thing about the cereal.  As soon as it was out of my mouth, I was
kicking myself for being such an asshole."

   Now, I was confused.  "Why would you be afraid to hug me?  We're brother
and sister for pete's sake."

   He looked at his hands clasped in his lap and shook his head.  His
answer was barely audible.  "Because I'm not supposed to feel the way I
feel about you."

   "I don't understand, Benny.  How do you feel about me?"

   It took a while before he answered and when he did, he couldn't look at
me.  The tears were back and he could barely keep from crying.  "I love
you."

   "Well, I love you too, Benny, even thought you creep me out sometimes.
Brothers and sisters are supposed to love each other.  I figure sooner or
later you're going to turn into a real person and it'll be a lot easier."

   He scared the crap out of me when he suddenly stood up, knocking his
chair over and slamming his hands down on the table.  "You don't get it,
Gretchen!  I'm IN love with you!" He tore through the back door and took
off running across the yard.

   I just sat there with my mouth open and my brain in numbsville.  IN love
with me?  He couldn't mean that the way it came out, could he?  Oh, lord, I
think he did!  There was nothing for it - I'd need Mom's advice on this
one.

   I called Grandma's number in St.  Louis but I just got the recording. 
They must have been at the funeral.  I hung up instead of leaving a message
thinking I'd better give it some more thought before I brought in the big
parental guns.

   I know from my own personal experience that the emotions kids our age
carry around are often way beyond our abilities to articulate them. 
Judging from what I'd just seen, Benny's emotions must have been in a state
of chaos.

   He'd been gone for about an hour.  When he got back he looked like he'd
been running the entire time, sweaty and flushed.  He walked through the
house without looking at me and ran up the stairs to his room.  I wasn't at
all sure what I wanted to say but I felt like I needed to say something.  I
was halfway up the stairs when he walked out of his room and went into the
bathroom.  I decided to wait in his room while he showered.

   I was sitting on his bed when he came in with a towel wrapped around his
waist.  He looked at me for a few moments and said, "I need to get
dressed."

   "OK.  Come and talk to me when you're ready.  I'll be in my room."

   A few minutes later he knocked on my door and came in.  Barely.  He sat
on the floor leaning against the doorframe and waited for me to say
something.

   "Benny, I'm not going to insult you by passing this off as simply
something that's normal for your age.  It's obviously not normal for you or
you wouldn't feel as strongly as you do.  I will say this though, and
please bear with me while I wade through it, OK?  We know that most male
brains are hard-wired to be stimulated by female shapes.  If there is any
truth at all in what Freud believed, there's no possible way at our age
that we can look at each other and not have some sexual thoughts.  Are you
with me so far?"

   "Yeah, I've read the same books you have.  And I'm not being a smartass;
it's the truth."

   "I believe you.  I guess what I'm getting at is that what you feel
toward me is bound to pass.  I don't see how it can be any more permanent
than having a crush on your teacher or even fantasizing about Mom.  I think
your body is so charged up on hormones that you should probably be on
tranquilizers for the next five years or so.  Look, I'm not angry about
what you said; I'm flattered.  You're a really good-looking guy and I even
find myself feeling a little jealous when I see you with other girls."

   "I don't fantasize about Mom.  I fantasize about you.  And I don't see
how it's temporary if I've felt like this for as long as I can remember."

   That stopped me.  "You have?"

   "I have."

   "OK.  Well, it would be absurd to ask you to try not to feel what you
feel.  If it makes it easier for you, I've had sexual fantasies about you
too but I know they're never going to happen so I don't obsess over them.
I'll tell you what, though; I think we understand each other better now. 
Can't we try to be more respectful and pleasant to each other since we
don't have to cover up our feeling any more?"

   "Like I said before, I'll try to do better.  But it doesn't change how I
feel about you."

   He got up to leave and then stopped in the doorway.  "Thanks, Gretchen.
Could I hug you now?"

   I smiled as I stood and held out my arms.  He was across the room in a
moment, squeezing me tightly and kissing my forehead.  I had my arms around
him and my face was pressed against his chest when I felt him begin to cry.
My heart broke and I began to cry too.  We stood like that for several
minutes until we got control of ourselves, then he stepped back looking at
me, kissed my forehead again and left the room.

   The rest of that Saturday is a blur.  I muddled through the day's
activities on autopilot trying to get a handle on what was going on.  What
do you say when you find out your little bro is in love with you and has
been for most of his life.  I didn't count that as an excuse for his bratty
behavior but it was certainly a reason.  The more I thought about it the
more I began to see a pattern.  When he was younger, it took the form of a
crush; you know, like adoration from afar.  Now that the big T hormone was
running at peak levels, the crush was becoming something a lot more urgent.
I was the object of his sexual fantasies.

   That night as I was getting ready to put on my nightie and go to bed, I
stopped and looked at myself in the mirror.  What was he seeing?  I stood
there naked, analyzing my form and looks.  I guess I'm a reasonably
attractive girl.  I have fairly short black hair, cut in kind of a shag.  I
don't think my face is beautiful but I'd say I fell into the general
category of pretty.  I've been told I have beautiful blue eyes.  I know I
have a good body because I work hard to keep it that way.  I'm not huge up
above but 34B breasts are certainly respectable and I'm much too young to
have saggy boobs.  A slim waist and not to broad across my butt.  My black
bush is full but I wouldn't consider myself excessively hairy.  I have long
legs and my musculature is much better than average because of my
gymnastics and ballet.

   There's never been a shortage of guys asking me out.  My rep is good; if
a guy's hands get too busy, we don't have a next date.  I don't count
myself a prude but I know how guys - and girls - brag about their conquests
and I'm not ready to go down that road yet.  I'm sure it's a poor
substitute for the real thing but I've long since mastered masturbation
techniques that will serve until the right time, place and guy all
converge.

   So, looking in the mirror, I wonder, 'Is this what Benny fantasizes
about or does he have some kind of idealized picture in his brain when he
thinks about me?' The nice thing about fantasies is that you can pretty
them up all you want.

   What do I imagine when I fantasize about Benny?  I see a tall, slim
good-looking boy.  I don't think of him as a man but I imagine his penis as
a man's penis.  I don't think I've seen him naked since he was maybe ten
and I accidentally walked in on him when he was taking a bath.  He threw a
wet washcloth at me and called me a perv.  All I can recall about his penis
is that it seemed pretty normal.  I remember hearing somewhere that he
wasn't circumcised because Dad wouldn't allow it.

   I crawled into bed and turned off the light but I couldn't go to sleep.
This thing with Benny had to be dealt with somehow.  The more I thought
about it the more I didn't want to tell Mom or Dad about it.  I think if I
did that, Benny would never forgive me because the embarrassment would be
devastating.  No, this had to be worked out between the two of us but I'll
be damned if I knew where to start?

   Then I had this thought that if we could spend more time together, it
might at least get him to thinking about me in real terms instead of being
an object of his imagination.  I looked at my clock and saw it was only ten
thirty; he'd still be up reading or surfing the net.

   I crawled out of bed and walked down the hall to his room.  I could see
through the crack in the doorway that he was sitting at his computer.  I
knocked lightly.  "Benny?"

   "Yeah?" He clicked an icon and killed the screen.  He must have been
looking at something naughty.

   "Um, would you like to go bike riding out to the lake tomorrow?  We
could take some sandwiches and have a kind of picnic."

   He turned and looked at me.  "Do you mean it?"

   "Yeah.  I've been thinking we should spend more time together since it
seems we really don't know each other as well as we thought we did."

   He smiled broadly and nodded his head, "I'd like that.  Let's do it! 
What time do you want to leave?"

   "Well, it's at least a two hour ride out there so why don't we leave
about ten in the morning?  Bring your swim trunks.  The water should be
warm enough by now."

   "I'll be ready."

   I turned and started back to my room.  As I got to my door, Benny stuck
his head out his door and said, "Gretchen, thanks."

   Luck was with us and it was a beautiful, warm day.  Both of us were
dressed in shorts, T-shirts and sneakers.  I made sure to wear my least
revealing bra; no sense feeding his fantasies any more than necessary.  The
terrain around our part of the country is pretty flat so the ride wasn't
too strenuous.  Even so, we were more than happy to finally get there.  We
opted for the far side of the lake where it was quieter and there wouldn't
be many people around.  I had the sandwiches and fruit in my saddlebag and
he carried the sodas and bottled water.

   Years before, the county had created a little beach for swimming.  They
trucked in sand and built a little platform about fifty yards out into the
water.  It was never as popular as they hoped it would be so they stopped
maintaining it.  Grass had grown up through the sand and the platform
looked like it wouldn't be around much longer but it was still kind of a
nice area.  We parked out bikes against the trees and laid a blanket down
close to the water.

   "You want to swim or eat first?" I asked.

   "Swim.  You know you shouldn't swim on a full stomach."

   "Benny, that old theory has long since been debunked, but I'd like a
swim before lunch anyhow."

   I grabbed my swimsuit and ran into the trees to change.  Like the
unrevealing bra, my swimsuit was an old relic that was about as sexy as a
fireplug.  Benny looked decidedly disappointed when he saw me emerge from
the cover of the trees.  He'd gotten into some baggy trunks that were
barely being held up by his skinny little butt.

   "Race you to the platform and back," he yelled as he started running
toward the water.  I was right behind him and we dove into the water at
about the same time.  We're both really good swimmers but his longer legs
gave him a little more kick.  He edged me out getting to the platform but
being a gymnast and a dancer boosted my endurance and I caught up with him
by the time we reached the shore.  The water was still a little cool but we
splashed around and swam little sprints for a good half hour before we
decided to take a break for lunch.  I grabbed my towel and went back into
the trees to change.

   Benny was sitting on the blanket in just his khaki shorts wolfing down a
sandwich.  I plopped down across from him and uncapped a bottle of water,
sucking down half of it.  I'd made two sandwiches each for us, two egg
salad and two ham and cheese.  He made short work of one of each and looked
at mine like a starving waif.

   I laughed and said, "When you leave home to go out into the world on
your own, the food budget is going to be slashed by at least half." I
handed him the other ham and cheese and he accepted it with a grin.

   We chatted about school and friends and other things but neither of us
mentioned what had happened the day before.  I was hoping we had sort of
tacitly agreed to a temporary moratorium on that subject.

   Benny stuffed our trash into a bag to drop into the dumpster on the way
out of the park.  As he shifted his position, leaning back on his elbows to
warm in the sun, his shorts gapped open and rode up at the leg.  I hoped
the look on my face wasn't too obvious when I saw the end of his penis
about an inch inside his shorts.  I quickly looked away, feeling the blush
on my cheeks.  Fortunately, with the sun in his eyes, he didn't see any of
this.

   "OK, Bro.  Are you ready to head back?"

   "Not yet.  Do you mind if we just lie in the sun for an hour?  It's nice
just being out here with you, Gretchen."

   "Same for me.  OK, one hour then we need to head back.  We've got a long
ride."

   We lay back on the blanket and closed our eyes against the sun.  The
warm air scented with the smell of some blooming Russian olive trees
growing down the lakeshore was pleasantly soporific and I dozed off.  My
eyes opened when I felt Benny take hold of my hand.

   He looked over at me and asked, "Do you mind?"

   I thought about it for a few seconds and, squeezing his hand, said, "Not
at all.  It's nice."

   The ride back home was leisurely and pleasant.  We got the bikes hung up
in the garaged and took turns in the shower.  For the rest of the
afternoon, we retired to our separate computers; I to work on a school
project and Benny to do whatever he does.  I figure it's probably best not
to ask.

   Later, when I went down to the kitchen to see what I might rustle up for
dinner I found it had already been done.  My little bro had heated up the
pilaf and salmon and made a fresh salad.  "It probably won't be as good as
when you made it last night but I hate to see your hard work go to waste."
His need for my approval was written all over his face.

   I kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tight.  "Thanks, Benny.  I see
you really are trying.  Maybe we should have a little wine with dinner to
celebrate.  What do you think?"

   He grinned and said, "Mom's gonna shit if she finds out.  You sure you
want to chance it?"

   "If she does, I'll say it was for a very special occasion.  I think we
should have white wine with the salmon, don't you?"

   "By all means.  You get the booze and I'll get the glasses."

   We used the dining room table.  Benny poured for both of us and raised
his glass for a toast.  "Here's to our truce and a new-found relationship
and to my beautiful sister, Gretchen."

   "And to my handsome brother, Benjamin," I added.  We sipped our wine and
laughed.

   It was a very pleasant dinner with lots of idle chatter about nothing in
particular.  I was thinking how nice it was to carry on a civilized
conversation with my brother and not expect some sort of sleazy insult to
be dropped on me at some point.  We cleaned up after the meal and took the
rest of bottle of wine with us downstairs to the rec room to watch a movie
on the tube.

   We tossed a coin to decide whether it would be some action movie
featuring murder and mayhem throughout or 'The Hours' with Meryl Streep.  I
won the toss so Meryl Streep it was.  Neither of us were used to alcohol so
we were already a little tipsy after the first glass.  By the time we
finished the bottle I think we could have been legitimately classified as
inebriated.

   The day caught up with me; four hours on the bikes, the swimming and
half a bottle of wine finally took their toll and I was having a hard time
keeping my eyes open.  My head was lolling on Benny's shoulder and my eyes
were half shut when he grabbed one of the throw pillows and put it in his
lap and said, "Here, this will be more comfortable."

   "Thanks," I said.  "I'll try to last through the movie, then it's
beddy-bye for me." I curled up on my side with my head in his lap and was
sound asleep within two minutes.

   Some time later, I woke up to a nice sensation in my breast.  As I
gradually ascended into consciousness, several things became apparent.  The
room was dark and the television was off, Benny had his hand on my breast
rubbing his thumb over my nipple and his other hand was caressing my face.
I lay there wondering how to get out of this without sabotaging all the
progress we'd made over the last twenty-four hours.  I guessed that if he
knew I was waking up, he'd stop.  I was right.

   I stretched and yawned, sitting up.  "Sorry I fell asleep, Benny.  I bet
your leg must be asleep by now.  I'm going to bed.  See you in the
morning."

   "Yeah, goodnight, Gretchen."

   When I got to my room, I closed the door and took a deep breath.  'Damn,
that was close.  Either he's hell-bent on having some sort of sexual
encounter with me or he just flat can't help himself.' What was I going to
do?  I had to admit to myself that the feeling of his hand on my breast was
nice, even exciting I guess noting that the crotch of my panties was a
little damp.  It seemed like the closer we got emotionally, the closer he
wanted to be physically.  I was in a catch-22.

   The solution, or at least 'A' solution didn't strike me like a bolt out
of the blue.  I'd been mentally dancing around it all along and it finally
forced it's way to the front of my brain.  I went to my dresser and reached
to the very back of the bottom drawer.  I found a plastic baggy containing
three small packets and removed one of them.

   When I turned fourteen, Mom came into my room and sat on my bed looking
at me with one of those 'It's time for one of our little talks' expressions
on her face.  "There's something we need to talk about, Gretchen." She
handed me the little plastic baggy.  I guess my eyes popped open like
saucers when it finally occurred to me what I was holding.

   "Mom, these are condoms!"

   "Yes, sweetheart.  Those are condoms.

   "Well, what am I supposed to do with them?"

   "I want you to carry one with you every time you're out on a date."

   "Are you saying you want me to have sex?" I couldn't believe what was
coming out of my own mother's mouth.

   "No, Gretchen, I don't want you to have sex, at least not this soon in
your life.  But listen to me; you can never fully anticipate what may
happen when you're out having a good time.  I think your dad and I have
raised you well and we trust you to make good decisions, but all of us are
subject to moments of weakness from time to time.  At your age, your body
is driving you with an immutable force to mate and have children.  The
reason I'm asking you to carry one of these with you is so that, if you
find yourself in one of those moments, at least you won't find yourself in
an unwanted pregnancy for lack of protection.  Will you do this for me, and
for yourself?"

   I saw the wisdom in her thinking.  "OK, Mom.  Better safe than sorry,
right?"

   In fact, I never carried a condom in my purse because I could never
remember.  Now, Benny and I were both in one of those situations that I
could never in my life have anticipated.  Thanks, Mom for being smarter
than the average mom.

   I heard my brother enter the bathroom between our rooms.  I waited until
he was done brushing his teeth.  When I heard his door close, I took my
turn.  Back in my room I dabbed a tiny bit of cologne on my neck and put on
my sheerest baby-doll nighty.  I turned off all the lights except for a
small accent lamp on my dresser.  I looked at myself in the mirror and
approved of what I saw.  Having made up my mind to go through with it, I
was already getting wet with anticipation.

   'OK, girl,' I said to myself, 'Tonight you and your brother take one
giant step into adulthood.  Don't screw it up!'

   I walked down the hall to his room and tapped lightly on his door. 
"Benny, could you come to my room for a moment?" I didn't wait for an
answer but ran back to my room on my tiptoes and closed the door.  I sat on
my bed and waited.  It didn't take long.  He knocked on my door and opened
it.  He was standing there in his ridiculous over-sized boxers with smiley
faces all over them.

   "What?" he asked, raising his eyebrows when he saw what I was wearing.

   "Come sit down." I patted the bed beside me.

   He edged warily toward my bed like he expected me to hit him with
something.  I knew in the darkened room he couldn't see my breasts clearly
but probably well enough that my nipples were visible through the sheer
material.  As he sat beside me, there was already a stirring in his
underwear that he tried without a lot of success to hide.

   Figuring the direct approach was the best approach, I took his hand and
turned to face him.  "Benny, if we keep avoiding this sex thing, it's just
going to wind up being a major frustration for both of us.  I knew you were
feeling me up when we were down in the rec room.  No, don't apologize!  I
was actually enjoying it.  I think we should just go ahead and do it.  What
do you think?"

   He was struck dumb.  With his mouth hanging open, he nodded his head
twice.  His palms were already sweating and I could see the artery in his
neck pulsing in the triple digits.

   "You need to know that I've never done this before.  Have you?"

   He shook his head, still mute.

   "So I guess it starts with us kissing and touching each other.  Why
don't you kiss me?"

   Leaning toward me with his eyes wide open, his lips barely made contact
with mine.  "Benny, close your eyes!" I put my hand behind his neck and
pulled him harder against my mouth and licked his lips with my tongue.  I
could taste toothpaste.  I held him there for a few seconds and then let
go.

   As he sat back and looked at me, he got this huge smile on his face and
said, "That was really nice!"

   "It was.  Look, I don't have a script to go by here, Benny.  We need to
just start doing things that make each other feel good but we need to go
slow, OK?"

   "OK.  Can I touch your, uh, body?"

   "I think I'd like that."

   He knelt on the floor in front of me and his hands reached out and
cupped my face, his thumbs stroking my cheeks.  I looked down and saw that
his erect penis had announced itself through the fly of his boxers.  If I
had heard correctly that six inches was the norm, my little brother was
already well above average.  He let his hands drift down to my shoulders,
then slide down my arms, taking my hands and lifting them to his lips. 
With one hand he tentatively reached out and touched my nightie where it
draped over my breast.  He looked up at my eyes, his expression asking my
permission.  I smiled and nodded my head.  Now both hands were cupping my
breasts and his thumbs rubbed my nipples and aureoles.  They were growing
hard and tender.  "Softly," I whispered.

   The nightie had already served its purpose so, very slowly I lifted it
over my head and dramatically tossed it aside giving him full access to my
boobs.  He pulled me toward him, attaching his mouth to one breast and then
the other, nuzzling, licking and sucking like a hungry baby.  The sensation
was exquisite and I knew the bottoms of my nightie were getting soaked.  I
combed my hands through his soft brown hair and kissed the top of his head,
encouraging him with little moans of pleasure.

   I slid my hands under his arms and lifted.  "Stand up." His mouth
reluctantly left my breast as he got to his feet.  His penis was standing
straight out, not two inches from my face.  I took the front of the
waistband of his boxers and pulled it out and over his erection.  The
foreskin was stretched back and only covered a portion of his glans.  I
pushed his boxers to the floor and he stepped out of them.  I reached out
one hand and gently grasped his penis at the base and cupped his testicles
with the other.  I was barely able to encircle him with my hand.  I saw his
pubic hair was dark brown and curly, not as dense as mine.  There was a
drop of clear liquid about to drip off the end of his cock - that seems
like the right word to use - so I instinctively leaned forward and licked
it off.  The taste was slightly salty.

   Benny was so sexually excited he was trembling.  As I began to stroke
his shaft, a low, guttural groan escaped his throat and he grasped my
shoulders as streams of semen erupted and covered my face, my neck and my
breasts.  He sank to his knees and began to apologize for losing control
but I put my finger on his lips and shook my head, "Hush, Benny!  I
wouldn't expect you to have super-human control on your first time.  We
have all night." I smiled and he smiled back, then ran to the bathroom and
brought back a towel to wipe me off.

   "Are you ready to continue, Little Brother?"

   "Yes, yes, what should I do?"

   "Your mouth felt so good on my boobs, I was wondering how it would feel
down there," I whispered pointing to my soaking wet panties.  As I stood to
remove them, he reached out and jerked them down to my feet.  He just knelt
there and stared.

   "Oh, Gretchen, I knew it would be beautiful." He leaned forward burying
his nose in my bush and began licking my labia.  Now I was trembling.  I
sat on the edge of the bed and lay back, propping myself on my elbows and
spreading my legs to give him free access.  He wasted no time taking
advantage of it.  Sliding his hands under my butt, he pulled me forward to
meet his mouth.  The sensation of his tongue moving all over my pussy was
driving me wild.  Proper anatomical terms just don't seem right, do they?

   "Here," I said, pointing to my erect clitoris, "Work on this for a
while."

   He attacked it with a vengeance, sucking on it and licking it until he
pushed me into the first orgasm I ever had that wasn't self-induced.  It
was so much more intense than my previous ones that it was like a whole new
experience.  I held his face against me and thrust my hips up repeatedly
until the sensations eased.

   "Oh my, Benny.  That was outstanding!  Come up here and lay beside me."

   As he crawled up onto the bed, I saw that his penis was already
recovered and in need of tending to.  We lay facing each other and just
stroked all over each other's bodies while we kissed.  I took his face in
my hands and asked, "Are you ready to do the big one?"

   His smile made words unnecessary.

   I reached over him to the nightstand and picked up the condom.

   "Where'd you get that?" he asked incredulously.

   "Just never you mind." I tore the packet open and rolled the condom down
the shaft of his beautiful cock.  Now that I had made up my mind to do this
thing, I couldn't wait to feel him inside me.

   "Little Bro, I don't think my hymen is still in tact but we still need
to go really slow because of your size." I lay back and spread my legs
wide. He kneeled between them and leaned toward me, pressing the end of his
cock against my wet labia.  He moved it around trying to find the right
place but he wasn't having any success.  Obviously he was telling the truth
about this being his first time.

   I reached down and took matters into my own hands.  "I'll tell you when
to push." I moved the end up and down my slit getting it well lubricated
and then aimed it at my vagina.  "OK, Benny, push slowly." I felt the head
of his cock squeezing into the opening.  It was going to be tight.  "Keep
moving in and out and go deeper a little bit at a time." He followed my
directions perfectly, finally penetrating as far as I could tolerate.  I
could see he still had a couple of inches left over and that worried me a
little bit.  If he got carried away in his excitement, it could hurt.

   "I've got a better idea.  Lay on your back."

   He rolled over keeping his cock inside me.  I rose up on my knees until
he almost slipped out and eased back down taking what I could.  Setting a
slow, easy pace gave us a chance to thoroughly savor the delights we were
offering to each other.  Benny massaged and stroked my breasts, focusing on
my nipples.  From time to time he would begin thrusting up with his hips to
meet me as I slid down his cock and I had to remind him to let me control
the penetration.

   "Sorry.  I keep forgetting because it feels so awesome I just want more
and more.  Maybe you could stop moving for a minute because I'm close to
shooting again."

   I stopped and lay on his chest with his arms around me rubbing up and
down my back and my butt.  I couldn't remember ever feeling such complete
contentment.  I squeezed his cock with my vaginal muscles, causing him to
let out a surprised "Oh!  Damn, that felt good.  Could you do it some
more?" I set up a rhythm of squeezing him every few seconds.  He tilted his
head back and smiled.  "I didn't think it was possible to feel this good,
beautiful Sister."

   Opening his eyes and fixing me with an expression of curiosity, he
asked, "How come you decided we should do this?"

   "For a couple of reason.  First, because we both wanted it so badly and
second, I thought it was time we gave up our virginity and that it should
be done with someone we trust completely."

   "I take back everything bad I ever said about you Gretchen.  You have
got to be the greatest sister ever."

   "That might be a stretch, Little Bro, but thanks anyhow.  Can we
dispense with the mutual admiration now because I feel another orgasm
coming on.  Are you ready to finish?"

   "I'd like it to last forever but I'm already right on the edge."

   I pushed myself up and began riding his cock faster and faster.  We were
both grunting and groaning as the moment neared.  There was no way I could
stop him from thrusting into me and then I didn't want to.  My vagina must
have gradually stretched during out lovemaking and now I could take it all.

   We peaked at the same moment, each of us shouting the other's name as we
strained against each other, finally collapsing in a sweaty heap, panting
for breath.  Benny's cock slowly softened and eventually slid out of me. 
The tip of the condom was bulging with his semen.  I pulled it off and
found the towel to wipe us both down.

   "We need a shower, Bro.  I'll wash your back if you'll wash mine."

   "Deal!"

   As we were soaping each other up, he said, "I don't think I'll ever be
able to get enough of you."

   I fixed my eyes on his.  "Know what?  I wouldn't trade tonight for
anything in the world but it has to be a one-time thing for us.  You know
we can't keep doing it.  Mom and Dad are not stupid people and they'll
eventually figure out what's going on."

   He could look so pathetic when he was disappointed.  "Yeah, I know but
god, I hate the thought of not ever making love with you again.  Maybe we
could do it every once in a while, like when Mom and Dad aren't home?"

   "We were lovers for an hour, Benny.  I think we should treasure that
memory and go back to being just brother and sister.  The more we do it,
the harder it's going to be to stop."

   I could see by his eyes that his brain was looking for ways around the
issue.  "Dad and Mom won't be home until Wednesday.  Could we do it `til
then?"

   Damn, he was making this difficult.  But then, what should I have
expected now that I'd opened Pandora's box; make that Gretchen's box.  I
hugged him under the shower of warm water and immediately knew I shouldn't
have because his cock instantly sprang to life.

   My common sense was in a pitched battle with my wants.  "I'll make a
deal with you, Bro.  We can be lovers until Wednesday morning and then it's
done.  After that I don't want to ever hear it mentioned again.  Will you
agree to that?"

   "I'll agree to that."

   "In the meantime, don't even think about having intercourse without a
condom."

   "Got it!"

   "OK, let's get to bed.  We have school tomorrow."

   "Wait!" He looked down at his impressive erection.  "What do I do with
this?" He bobbed his eyebrows up and down lasciviously.

   "You've got two perfectly good hands.  Fix it!"

   The next morning as we were getting ourselves ready for school, I saw a
disturbing pattern of behavior starting to emerge.  Every time Benny got
near me, he would pat my butt or cup my breast or rub an erection up
against me.  The first few times I ignored it but finally I felt it
necessary to make an important point.

   The next time he put his hand on my butt, I reached around and took hold
of his wrist.  "You're getting into a very risky habit, brother of mine. 
These little liberties you apparently feel you have a right to need to cool
down.  There's no harm right now but the first time Mom or Dad get even a
hint of that kind of behavior, there are going to be some very tough
questions to be answered.  As it is, they're going to notice that we're
getting along much better than we used to.  They'll appreciate it but
they'll also wonder why.  I think we need to limit our outward signs of
affection to pats on the shoulder, kisses on the cheek and our hugs need to
be the brother and sister sort with no groping.  What do you think?"

   He smiled, but in contrition.  "Yeah, your right.  I'm sorry but it's
just so hard for me not to touch you."

   "I know it's hard, Benny, but we're doing something that social
convention, not to mention the law, is dead set against.  If we're
physically mature enough to have sex, we should be emotionally mature
enough to do it responsibly.  Let's not ruin everything by risking a lot of
grief for Mom and Dad, OK?"

   "OK." He kissed me on the cheek and left for school.

   We used the other two condoms the next two nights.  Mom and Dad were
back when we got home from school on Wednesday.  At dinner, we talked about
the funeral and about how Grandma had taken Greg's death.  Seemed like
everyone there just sort of accepted it as an inevitability that had come
to pass.  Most of the family had expended their grief long before the fact
of his death.

   Benny and I got high praise for keeping the house in order and not doing
anything that required police intervention.  I think we were all looking
forward to settling back into our daily routines.  Except Benny.

   I have to say he kept up his part of the bargain.  He didn't touch me in
any suggestive ways or even hover over me when we were alone together.  We
carried on with our daily activities as usual.

   Probably two weeks later after school let out for summer break, I was
helping Mom in the kitchen with dinner.  The question was dropped so
casually, it caught me completely off guard.  "What happened between you
and Benny, Gretchen?"

   Not being at all prepared, I think the color must have drained out of my
face.  "Uh, what do you mean, Mom?"

   "My dear child, it's as plain as day to me if not your father that your
brother is completely smitten with you.  The adoration in his eyes when he
looks at you may as well be accompanied by a brass fanfare, it's so
obvious. Your behavior toward each other bears no resemblance to what it
was before the trip to St.  Louis.  Something big happened while your
father and I were away.  Are you going to tell me about it or do I have to
guess?  Gretchen, I hope you know by now that you can tell me anything. 
Anything at all."

   I couldn't think of a single thing to say.  Mom has the most amazing
talent for seeing through deception.  I stood there looking down at the
floor trying to hold back the tears.  Mom hugged me to her breast and
stroked my hair.  "Did you and Benny have sex?"

   I nodded my head.

   "Were you protected?"

   I nodded again.

   Mom emitted a big sigh of relief.  "Is it still happening?"

   "No.  We agreed we couldn't do it any more.  It was my fault, Mom. 
Please don't blame Benny."

   "Sweetheart, I don't blame either or you.  You're not going to hear any
lectures from me about the evils of incest.  These things happen between
young, sexually volatile people and I, for one, don't see it as sinful or
depraved.  I'm relieved that the two of you have agreed not to do it
anymore because if it were discovered by others, it could cause you no end
of grief.  It clearly brought you and Benny much closer to each other.

   I put my arms around her and hugged her tight.  "Thanks, Mom.  I guess I
should have known that you of all people would understand.  Are you, um,
going to tell Daddy?"

   She held me at arms length and looked at me with a surprised expression.
"Of course I'm going to tell him, Honey.  Your father and I would never
keep anything that important from each other but there's nothing to be
afraid of.  If it will make you feel any better, I'll tell you right here
and now that your father and I both had similar experiences when we were
growing up and neither of us has ever regretted it.  Look, there are good
biological reasons why it shouldn't be common practice.  To my mind, that
doesn't make it inherently evil."

   I smiled and kissed her on the cheek.  "Are you going to talk to Benny
about this?"

   "I will if you want me to but I think he'd take it better coming from
you."

   I saw Benny at his computer when I walked past his room later that
evening and knocked lightly.  "Benny?"

   "Yeah?  Oh, come in!"

   "I need to talk to you about some things but not here.  How about we
drive out to the lake tomorrow and have another picnic?"

   "Great!  Uh, just the two of us?"

   "Yeah.  Um, Benny, I've got some more condoms."

   Well, that's my story.  What would you have done?

   END