Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Piggy Tales - Chapter 1

   By Orestes

   orestesw@yahoo.com ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/Orestes

   ***

   It wasn't fair that everything was so hard for her, Shannon pouted to
herself.  She tried not to think about it all of the time, but the
injustice of the whole thing tasted sour to her.  She had to work harder
than anyone to keep top grades in school.  Nobody else knew it, she hoped.
She tried so hard to hide it, studying with every spare moment, getting
extra help after school, but she was sure it showed somehow in the way she
acted in class.  Too eager.  Too desperate to prove herself.

   And it didn't matter.  Not a bit.  It didn't matter that she ended up
with the same grades on her report card as the brightest girls in her
class. It didn't matter that she wore the same uniform.  It didn't matter
that the boys paid a lot of attention to her.  She was different.  And
girls who didn't even try...  girls who got "C"s, and looked more plain
than she did, it didn't matter...  they still fit in better.  It was all so
easy for them.

   It was against this silent enemy that Shannon had fought her entire
life. Mostly, she had been successful.

   It just took a lot of effort.

   Like now.  The New American Version of the Bible sat open in front of
her.  Someone was talking, but the words were elusive, bouncing in echoes
against the windows to her left.  She was trying to avoid the deadening
sensation that she didn't really *want* to understand.  It didn't make her
happy, the way she had always thought that it would.  It just drained her
of energy.

   Shannon squinted at the page, forcing the words to come into focus.  Old
testament.  Very nearly "In the beginning...".  She wondered for a moment
why they were reviewing this particular material.  They had all read it
countless times.

   It didn't do any good to wonder, she scolded herself.  Focus.  Focus on
the material, or you'll fall behind.

   " ...the beast of the earth after his kind ..."

   On this odd passage there was a pause in the lecture.  The instructor
had stopped his reading with a queer emphasis on these words, and was
surveying the class.

   " Almost a hundred years ago, there was a ruling from the Supreme Court
which had significant ramifications regarding this part of the scripture...
can anyone tell me what principles the case involved?"

   Eleanor raised her hand.  " It was about the separation of Church and
State."

   " No.  I think you're going back a bit far.  That issue was revisited
ten years before the ruling I'm talking about."

   The professor surveyed the room with his glance to see if any other
answers were forthcoming.

   " I'll give you a hint...  it was regarding biotechnology research..."

   " Is that the one where the court upheld the Government's right to
impose religious based moral standards on private scientific research?"
Bethany asked.  Bethany didn't need to raise her hand.  She spoke out
automatically, with an air of authority that none of the instructors here
had yet challenged.  Even if she was wrong, they very gently steered her
back to the right answer without ever implying that her initial answer was
incorrect.

   She drove Shannon nuts sometimes.  They had known each other forever,
and even though she felt out of place in amongst all of the new girls she
was meeting at college, it bothered her to admit that there was comfort in
the familiar jealousy that was washing over her at this moment.

   Damn it, why did the instructors have to teach with this method anyhow?
Why ask questions from the students, when the material hadn't even been
presented?  How was Shannon to know about some legislation that was passed
years before she was born?

   And how did Bethany always seem to know, she demanded of herself
resentfully.  Why did it always seem like the other girls were privy to a
source of knowledge that Shannon couldn't access?  They pulled answers out
of thin air, as if some quiz show contestants were held captive in their
heads, feeding them the answers.  Everything Shannon knew came from these
books...  these classes.  The term 'general knowledge' didn't seem to apply
to her.

   " Why did the government see it as necessary to control privately funded
scientific research?" he asked, pausing for the girls in the class to buzz
in." Mary?"

   " Because scientists were going against God's will by..."

   " I don't think it's that simple," interrupted the professor,
anticipating that the girl would simply repeat the common justifications
from the religious establishment.  "In the next few weeks, we're going to
explore the ethical, economic and political reasons why the government
stepped in, during an era of our history where academic and social freedoms
were valued as almost absolute."

   This was so much different than previous years, Shannon sulked to
herself.  It had always been so black and white in grade school.  And even
though she still recognized some of the girls who took the seats around
her, the first few weeks of these college level courses made her
apprehensive to say the least.  It was no longer enough to simply memorize
what was written on the page.  The instructors wanted her to analyze
things. They wanted her to think.

   How could she think with so many distractions around?  Like now, for
instance, there was the woman in the room who had taken a seat a few rows
behind her.  The instructor didn't ask who she was.  He just gave her a nod
of welcome when she slipped into the room.  Was she an administrator here?
Was she a parent?  And why did Shannon get the feeling, from the corner of
her eye, that the woman was observing her?

   This wasn't just paranoia, although she had always been a little guilty
of indulging those anxieties in social situations.  This time she was sure
of it.  The woman watched while Shannon squirmed restlessly in her chair,
and took notes in a little black binder.  They had seen each other before.
Shannon recognized something in the rigid posture of the woman, and the
intensity in her manner.  It was no use to try to trace the source of the
memory, though.  It was just slightly beyond her grasp, and Shannon knew
from experience that no amount of effort would bring the recollection to
life.

   Around her, the other students rose to signal the end of the class. 
Shannon stayed seated, waiting for the woman to leave, so that they
wouldn't run into each other on the way out.  She stalled, stacking her
books neatly, and organizing her pencils.  Her heart began to race when she
realized that the woman was still there, watching her.

   Everyone was leaving.  Soon she would be alone.  An irrational panic
swelled in Shannon's chest.  She wanted very badly to escape, but every
passing moment seemed to make it more obvious.  Why was she stalling?  And
what did the woman want?

   When Shannon finally did move, she stood a little too quickly, and
knocked the books from the edge of her desk.  The instructor looked up from
his lecture notes.  Shannon caught his glance, and blushed, dropping to her
knees to gather her books hastily.  This was all so stupid, she told
herself.  If she were like Bethany, she wouldn't be this awkward.  She
wouldn't let things rattle her this way.  She wouldn't be so afraid of the
sound of footsteps on the floor behind her.  She wouldn't continue to
fumble with her books, too nervous to acknowledge that the woman was
probably standing right behind her.

   But she wasn't like Bethany, and she kept her head down for what seemed
like eternity while the woman she couldn't quite remember stood above her,
waiting.  Watching.

   Then, mercifully, the woman began to walk away, and Shannon could
breathe again.

   Focus.  Focus on the task at hand.  She gathered her books together,
quite sure that the instructor was still watching the comical display, and
began to rise.  Then she noticed the slip of paper on the floor in front of
her.  Had it been there before?  No.  Maybe the woman dropped it by
mistake. Maybe...

   Shannon slipped it into the palm of her hand quickly, eager now to
finally escape this classroom.  It wasn't until she could find an
unoccupied bench on the campus grounds that she opened her hand and
accepted the invitation.

   Elizabeth Fisher.  "A" building.  Office 302.  Two o'clock.

   No title.  No message.  Just an appointment.

   She could throw it away.  Shannon toyed with the idea.  It wasn't a real
appointment.  It was actually kind of insulting, really.  The woman didn't
even introduce herself.  She just stood above Shannon, probably amused by
how intimidated she was.  Then she had just carelessly tossed the note on
the floor, sure that the Shannon would pick it up behind her, and would
just blindly go wherever it told her to.

   It was arrogant.

   The woman just assumed that Shannon would have nothing else planned, or
that she would drop everything to make herself available.  It would put her
behind for the whole day.  She wouldn't even be finished with her math
tutor at the library until nearly two o' clock anyway.  Then she would have
to rush all the way across campus to the administrative buildings.

   No, she should definitely just throw the paper away, she argued.  The
woman didn't ever need to know that she picked it up.  She could just go on
with her day as if it hadn't happened.

   Still...  if she hurried a bit, maybe Alana would be willing to start
the tutoring early today...  and if she timed it right, she might be able
to catch the shuttle...

   And by the time two o' clock rolled around, Shannon had 'just maybe'd
herself all the way to the office door, where she stood nervously, with the
hand-written note in her hand as an excuse for being there.  She stood
there, frozen for a while, chastising herself for being too afraid to
knock, but not decisive enough to simply walk away.

   Bethany would have laughed, if she were able to see this.  Shannon knew
it.  Or maybe she would just give that thin, superior smile that made
Shannon feel like a child, or a pet, or something.

   " Come in," Elizabeth told her, upon opening her office door, and
finding the college girl standing there awkwardly.  " I knew you'd come.  I
just wasn't sure it would be today."

   Arrogant.  Condescending.  Shannon made the accusations silently, but
still followed the woman into her office and took the seat she indicated.

   The office seemed purposely absent of purpose.  There were no file
cabinets with student initials on them.  There was no computer with post-it
notes on the screen for passwords and shortcuts.  There wasn't even an
appointment book.  No clues.  Just like the note.

   " Who are you?" Shannon asked of the woman, who seemed content to sit
across the desk from her, and trace her pen along the top of a page in her
little black notebook.

   " I'm Elizabeth Fisher.  But, if you picked up my note, you already know
that.  Really, you should try being more direct with your questions,
Shannon.  But then, that's one of your weaknesses.  You're just not very
assertive, are you?"

   Shannon bit her lower lip, and averted her eyes.

   " And now you're pausing because you don't quite know how to answer the
question," the woman continued after only a short silence.  " But, my dear,
you don't need to answer me.  You already have.  Just by coming here,
you've told me a lot about yourself.  Of course, I already knew a
substantial amount about you from the results of your tests."

   " Tests?"

   " Yes.  You remember taking them.  Every year in grade school, you wrote
tests to track your development.  All of the students took them, but I
suppose you disliked them more than just about anyone else, because you
performed so poorly."

   It was true that Shannon had dreaded those tests.  They were confusing.
They weren't based on the material presented in class.  There were logic
puzzles, and English comprehension questions, and a long series of
questions that seemed engineered to make her contradict herself.

   The test scores never came back.  They just floated away, apparently to
the non-existent file cabinet in Elizabeth Fisher's office.

   " It's no wonder you disliked them, Shannon.  You were so easily led
from one question to another, by the answers you anticipated the test to be
looking for.  It's a common tactic in psychological testing.  By the time
you finished, your opinions had been twisted into knots that you couldn't
possibly unravel.  It's a profile that intrigues me.  It's rare that I come
across such a weak mind."

   Shannon could feel her blood rising.  " I don't have to sit here and be
called stupid."

   " No, you don't," the woman paused to punctuate the point she was about
to make, "but you will.  That's what makes a person like you so interesting
to observe.  I can say anything I want about your mental abilities.  You're
weak minded.  You're easily confused.  You're a simpleton.  No matter how
much you deny it, even to yourself, and no matter how humiliating it is for
you to hear it, you'll stay and listen because you need to know what these
test scores have revealed about you."

   " Besides, you haven't the nerve to defy authority...  even if you're
not sure what the source of that authority is.  You don't know what my
position is.  You don't even know for certain that this is my office.  You
assume so because I told you to come here.  You'll accept my version of
your test results because they seem to match the weaknesses you see in
yourself, but you're not really sure about any of it."

   " I don't suppose you find this very amusing, but I do.  The fact that
you're still sitting there...  biting your lower lip...  squirming in your
seat the very same way you did in your Political Science class this
morning...  it confirms everything I'm saying about you.  And now we're
going to talk for a while, and I'm going to ask you some very personal
questions, and you're going to answer every single one of them.  Does that
mean I'm a student counselor with the college here?  I'll let you assume
that for the time being.  If you're too weak to demand answers from me, I
have no inclination to offer any."

   Shannon felt like arguing.  She wanted to prove how wrong this woman
was. She wasn't stupid.  Shannon had always maintained high grades.  She
didn't want to give this woman the satisfaction she was obviously deriving
from the precisely crafted sound of her own voice.

   For a moment, the feeling took control, and Shannon stood to leave, her
face red with anger.  It was a bluff, she knew, and as soon as Elizabeth's
voice struck her again, it was over.

   " Sit down," she ordered.  Shannon's body obeyed almost automatically.

   She was so goddamned close, Shannon berated herself.  So close to
walking away, but she couldn't do it.  What bothered her most was that the
woman seemed to *know* it.  With anyone else, the bluff would have worked.

   Well, anyone except Bethany.

   " Let's talk about Bethany Harper..." Shannon's heart skipped a beat at
the suggestion.

   " How did you...?"

   " Oh, were you thinking about Bethany too?  It's strange the way
coincidence works, isn't it?  I only mention her because I've heard that
the two of you are...  well, what should I call it?  Friends?"

   " I guess."

   " You've known each other for quite some time, haven't you?"

   " Yes."

   " It's an odd pairing.  Your test results couldn't be more different. 
Do you resent the way she outperforms you in class?"

   " She doesn't outperform me..." Shannon spat back angrily.

   " She sure seemed to have the edge today."

   " I was just...  distracted.  Normally, I always get better grades than
her."

   " Maybe on an academic transcript, but when you look at the test
profiles..."

   " I don't care what your tests say.  Bethany isn't any smarter than I
am. She's just..."

   " Yes?"

   " Well...  she just knows how to get the better of people.  She's lucky
that way."

   " It sounds like the two of you have quite a rivalry going."

   Rivalry.  It was strange that this particular word had never seemed to
occur to either Shannon or Bethany, despite the way they were always
working to outsmart, or in Shannon's case outwork, each other.  Inside,
Shannon knew that the contest was hopeless for her.  Bethany knew it too.
However, they still went through the motions.

   This year, she had hoped it would be different.  She had purposely kept
away from Bethany.  She was trying to find a new group of peers.  There
were moments of doubt, of course.  Something about ' the devil you know...'

   " Did the two of you compete in athletics as well?"

   " Yes," Shannon answered quietly, uncomfortable from the start about
where this conversation was going." We raced against each other on the mile
track."

   " And how did you fare?"

   " It's hard for me.  I don't think I was meant to be a runner.  My body
just wasn't built for it."

   " How do you mean?"

   " I tried really hard every day, just to keep up with her.  When I went
to bed, my body would ache.  My knees.  My hips.  They throbbed from the
pain.  I would get up early every morning, and stretch my sore body, and
push myself to run again.  But my balance was off, and I couldn't quite
move like I should, and when I ran with the other girls, I knew I was out
of my league."

   " It sounds like you're full of excuses," Elizabeth interjected, her
voice mockingly critical.

   " They're not excuses !" Shannon couldn't dodge her own reaction, even
though she was sure the woman was relishing it." If I wanted an excuse, I
would have stopped trying, but I never did.  I always kept on running, and
trying hard, and working to cross the finish line faster than Bethany.  I
could beat most of the girls, but it always made me so angry..."

   " Angry?"

   " They could have beaten me so easily if they applied themselves.  They
didn't have to try as hard as I did.  At the end of the race, when my sides
were burning, and my legs could barely hold me up, they were still laughing
and joking with their friends.  And it made me angry than any one of them
could have beaten Bethany, too, if they just set their minds to it.  They
just didn't want it badly enough."

   " But you did?"

   " I wanted it more than anything.  Bethany had all of the money, a real
family, and all of the friends she wanted.  She only let me hang around
because I was matching her scores in the classroom.  But on the track, she
could always pull away from me at the last moment, because my body just
wasn't built for running."

   " It still sounds like an excuse.  If you don't mind me saying, you seem
like a very fit young woman.  Some people would even envy the shape of your
body.  Maybe you didn't want to win badly enough either."

   " It's not an excuse..." the protest was almost pleading." When I was
younger I was always at the doctor's office for one thing or another.  They
were always testing me.  I had problems with my breathing...  and with my
vision...  and..."

   " Did you ever win?"

   Shannon nodded.

   " You don't seem thrilled about it."

   " The way it happened...  I've never been quite sure if it was real.  I
mean, it was our last race of the year, and everyone knew how much I wanted
to beat her, at least once.  As we got towards the finish line, I could see
that Bethany was clowning a bit for the other girls.  She was keeping me
close...  so close to passing her.  Then, when she would normally have
pulled ahead, I pushed myself harder than I had ever done before.  My
muscles were burning.  I caught a glimpse of her when I passed.  She had
this look on her face..."

   " What look?"

   " This is going to sound stupid.  I guess I didn't have much time to
think about it at the time, but I knew that it bothered me.  It was like I
was...  an amusement to her.  It wasn't like she was genuinely surprised or
upset that I was passing her.  It was more like the awe that the audience
at a circus gives to the elephant when it balances on one leg.  Like 'how
did they get that stupid animal to do that trick?'"

   Elizabeth nodded her understanding of the analogy.

   " And when I finished the mile, I stumbled sideways, and skinned one of
my knees up pretty badly.  I clutched my sides, and almost vomited from the
pain in my legs.  My face must have been a bright pink from the exertion. I
had always thought that it would be different, to beat Bethany, but there
she was, looking down at me, with a bit of a smile on her face...  and I
wondered..."

   " Yes?"

   " I wondered if I had really won."

   " You mean, you wondered if Bethany had let you pass her on purpose?"

   " Yeah, but more than that.  I wondered if she had always wanted this...
to see how far I would push myself...  how much abuse I would force myself
to take...  I don't know.  It was like when I crossed the finish line, she
won."

   " It's an interesting thought," the older woman noted," and it's enough
for today.  I'll see you on Thursday."

   And that was that.  Shannon left the administrative building with the
mood of the conversation surrounding her.  Elizabeth had mocked and prodded
her into revealing more about herself than she was comfortable with.  The
woman had taken notes without looking down, maintaining eye contact
throughout the conversation.

   It was more than troubling.  Despite every instinct, Shannon knew that
she would be coming back to see this woman, and reveal more to her.  How
much?  Probably everything.  She would come back once...  twice a week, or
however often the woman told her to.

   The real question was, why?

   Shannon waged the same internal arguments each day.  She forced herself
to pay attention in class.  She was fighting to build a new life here,
independent of her old friends, and especially from Bethany.  She was
fighting to overcome the innate limitations that had always stood in her
way.  It was a constant struggle against her own weaknesses, against the
part of her that wanted to just give up the fight.

   This woman seemed to know it, and more, seemed to take pleasure in
seeing Shannon struggle against herself.  She seemed to take satisfaction,
and even pride, in the fact that the tests had been able to twist Shannon
against herself so easily.

   That office was dangerous, Shannon knew.

   The source of that danger was exactly what would keep her coming back.
It was knowledge.  This woman knew what had been revealed by those tests,
and even though she felt ashamed to willingly surrender to Elizabeth's
control, she had a strong feeling that those conversations would help her
to understand.

   Understand what?

   No.  That was enough introspection for the day.  Alana's calculus
tutoring was already fading from her mind.  Shannon needed to re-read
Genesis, and to find a library book that would explain more about the
Supreme Court.  Everything else would have to wait.

   " We missed you at dinner," Shannon's roommate, Patty greeted her when
she finally returned to her dormitory room that evening.

   For reasons she couldn't quite understand, but wasn't about to question,
Patty had made a point of including Shannon with her friends.  The second
and third year students had not objected to letting Shannon in on their
get-togethers, and even gave her a flattering sort of attention that she
would never have achieved if she had chosen to stick around with Bethany
and the other girls from high school.  They played the parts of older
sisters, eager to guide her into college life.

   " Sorry...  I was..."

   " No worries..." Patty wasn't very good at listening.  She was busy
digging through her underwear drawer for some pocket money." You can catch
up with us at lunch tomorrow.  I'm heading out, but if Josh calls, just
tell him I've gone to bed for the night or something.  Say, you wouldn't
have a twenty I could borrow, would you?"

   " Sure." It was a small price for a night of silence.  "I'll see you at
lunch tomorrow."

   Shannon knew that Patty was unlikely to come back to campus tonight. 
She would be at a party or a dance club, and would either find a guy to
hook up with, or crash in the apartment of one of the third year girls who
were allowed to live off-campus.

   Then, at lunch the following day, the girls would compare notes about
how the evening went, and Shannon would listen to the idle talk politely,
thankful that a pleasant nod and a few words of feigned awe were all it
took to buy her acceptance into this peer group.

   Except that it didn't turn out that way at all.

   " So it looks like the two of you are getting serious."

   " The two of who?" asked Shannon, over a plate of cafeteria stir fry,
surprised that the conversation had turned her direction.

   " You.  You and Alana."

   " Serious about what?" Everyone else around the cafeteria table seemed
to understand what Tracy was saying, but Shannon was still having trouble.
It was just an odd statement.

   " Serious.  You know.  You're seeing each other a lot these days.  And
now she's giving you gifts.  It's beautiful, by the way."

   " It's nothing.  She just knew that my watch battery stopped, and she
had this one around..."

   " I'll bet."

   Shannon couldn't shake the feeling that everyone at the table had
already discussed this topic before she arrived.  Not that it bothered her,
really, to be the subject of the latest gossip, but this time, she had no
idea what Tracy and the others were driving at.  Patty sipped her coffee
smugly, and then it hit her.

   " Oh, you don't think that she's...  I mean, that I'm...  that we're..."

   " I can see that you're surprised, Shann...  but honestly," Tracy's tone
was not apologetic "it never occurred to me that you two weren't dating."

   " Alana and I?"

   " Oh, come on, Shannon.  You had to know what it looked like to everyone
else," Patty argued, over the rim of her coffee cup, " with the two of you
spending so much time at her place, and with the way she dotes over you."

   " But Alana's not..."

   This brought a round of laughter from the four other girls at the table,
while Shannon's face went red.  It had been so obvious to everyone else,
she couldn't understand how she had been so blind about it.

   " Oh, Jesus...  I had no idea.  Why didn't you tell me, Patty?"

   " I thought you knew.  Besides...  you two make such a cute couple..."
That brought laughter from around the table.  Tracy and Patty were doing
the talking, but Molly and Rebecca were every bit as amused by Shannon's
little problem.

   " I thought...  she's just my math tutor..."

   " ...who is giving you gifts..."

   " ...and seeing you every afternoon for practically no money," added
Tracy." Let's face it, kid...  Alana's got the hots for you, and whether
you know it or not, you've been leading her on."

   " Leading her on?"

   The girls were having their fun with this now, and the kidding would
continue, Shannon knew, but she felt that beneath it, they were just
looking out for her.  She was thankful for it.

   " Thankful?" Elizabeth Fisher seemed puzzled by Shannon's choice of
words." You're thankful that they were teasing you?"

   Sitting in that chair again on Thursday, every bit as apprehensive about
being there as the first time she visited, Shannon couldn't remember how
she had even come on to this topic of conversation.

   " Well, yeah," she tried to justify herself.  " I mean, my old friends
probably would have just kept their mouths shut, and watched while I made a
fool of myself."

   " By 'your old friends' you mean Bethany?"

   " Okay.  Bethany would have watched me make a fool of myself."

   " So it's better that they taunt you to your face?"

   " No.  I mean, I guess so.  They'll have their fun, and then they'll
help me to solve the problem."

   " What makes you so certain that this new group of friends is a better
choice than Bethany?  Other than being smarter, more athletic, and better
looking than you, what has she done to make you turn away from her?"

   " She's not smarter," Shannon snapped, then instantly regretted it.  It
was clear than Elizabeth was pushing her buttons, and it bothered Shannon
to be so predictable in her reaction.  " I just don't trust Bethany."

   " Why not?"

   " Because she always seems to come out on top.  Even if I work harder in
class, and take a higher test score, she'll just suck up to the teacher,
and end up with a better mark.  She has more money, and more friends, and
when it comes to boys..."

   Shannon stopped herself, but it was too late.

   " Which boys?"

   " Just any boys we would meet.  If she saw that I was interested in one
of them, I would find out later that she had invited him over to her house.
At school, she would talk all about it in front of the other girls, saying
what a good kisser he was, or what a great body he had, just to get me mad.
Even though she just pretended to be chatting with the girls, it was all
directed at me.  She was saying 'I win'."

   " And she always wins."

   " Yes."

   " So you never had a boyfriend."

   Shannon's face went red.  She was trying to hold back the coming
confession, but it was no use.  She may as well accept the sting of
humiliation quickly, rather than have this woman pull the story from her
piece by piece.

   " One time, Bethany had me over to meet her new boyfriend."

   " That sounds very civil of her."

   " No, she was just bragging.  This boy was on his school's football
team, and was good looking and he had this vintage Volkswagen.  He had to
tell me what it was, because I'd never seen one before.  Bethany was just
using the visit to make me jealous."

   " And were you?"

   " Not really.  He wasn't really my type.  Okay, maybe I was a little
jealous, but only because Bethany seemed to have it all so easy, and I knew
that even if I found a guy I liked, Bethany would just try to take him away
from me."

   Shannon paused, waiting for another question to come, but Elizabeth said
nothing.  She was content to let the college girl reveal this shameful
story without further prompting.

   " Anyway, after talking for a while, and Bethany showing off all of her
fancy things, she asked Kevin to give me a ride home.  ' I like the
uniforms they make you girls wear, ' he told me, and put his hand on my
thigh while he was driving.  That was all it took.  I look back on it and
feel just awful that I allowed it, but at the moment, it felt really good
to have his hand there, just lingering there at the hem of my skirt."

   " What excited me the most was that he belonged to Bethany, and that, in
my imagination, I was taking him away from her.  From his point of view, I
was just an easy piece of ass.  He even told me that, later on, whenever he
was screwing me."

   " You're getting ahead of yourself.  What did it feel like for you,
letting him touch you?"

   " How do you expect it felt?  Aside from me showing the proper minimum
amount of awe for his car, we had barely spoken to each other.  And then,
suddenly, I was letting him slide his hand up the bare skin beneath my
skirt, all because I wanted to know what it was like to take something away
from Bethany."

   " Your best friend" Elizabeth reminded her.

   " Yes, she was my friend, and even though I hated her sometimes, it felt
awful to betray her like that.  And I knew that the further I let him go,
the harder it would be to set a limit.  I didn't stop him when he slid his
hand up my skirt, so permission was implied.  Once his fingers found the
cotton of my panties, and I began to press my hips forward into his touch,
I couldn't say 'no'.  We both knew what I was consenting to."

   " He stopped at a gas station somewhere, and he borrowed the key for the
washroom, and he took me in there.  I remember he wanted it a particular
way.  He said that he had always thought about screwing one of us girls in
our school uniforms, and he wanted me on my knees so that he could lift my
skirt and take me from behind."

   The details were forcing themselves back into Shannon's head, and she
found herself running short of breath just thinking about it.  The next
question caught her a little off guard.

   " How does it make you feel, Shannon, to be telling this to me right now
?  Be honest."

   " I ...  uh, I don't know..."

   Elizabeth Fisher wasn't buying it.  She waited silently for the right
answer.

   " I feel...  ashamed.  I'm feel stupid for even being here, confiding in
a stranger about things that I wouldn't tell anyone else.  I shouldn't even
be talking to you.  You already think I'm weak-minded, and by telling you
about this, I'm just proving you right.  I know that no matter what I say,
you'll turn it around to show that I'm a spineless, pathetic loser."

   " Good.  And what did you feel like when you were there, in a gas
station washroom, with your skirt pushed up around your waist, and a boy
you hardly knew ready to live out his sexual fantasies with your body."

   " It felt the same...  I was ashamed.  I knew even then that it wouldn't
turn out right.  I knew that I didn't like this boy.  I knew that he was
just using me for sex.  That was the first time he told me what a slut I
was, and I was right there, on my hands and knees, proving him right."

   " Was this the first time you had sex?"

   " No...  well, this was the first time I knew what it was.  I had taken
sex education the previous year, and I had learned about the morality of
it, and all of the risks.  Before that, I had played some games with other
kids in some of my foster homes, but I didn't know what I was doing.  "

   " The other kids knew."

   " I guess."

   " You were a stupid little girl, just playing along while they fucked
you."

   " I wasn't stupid...  nobody told me."

   " But this time, you knew."

   " Yes.  I knew what was happening when he pushed himself into me.  It
wasn't a very good fit, but it felt good anyhow.  It was like he was
staking a claim of ownership on me, and that felt right.  By putting
himself into me, he was saying that I belonged to him in a way that I'd
never felt like I belonged with anyone."

   " You were fooling yourself."

   " I know that.  I didn't trust him.  The whole time he was pumping me,
and my body was reacting to his attention, and it all felt so right, my
mind was trying to collect itself.  Jealousy...  betrayal...  ownership...
risk...  the thoughts would scatter every time he pushed into me.  Each
thrust left me empty-headed, and struggling to remember what I was worrying
about.  ' Don't cum inside of me ', I finally was able to force out."

   " What did he say?"

   " He told me 'Don't worry, I'll pull out.' I didn't believe him, but it
didn't matter.  I stayed there, enjoying the whole goddamned dirty scene,
on the filthy floor of a gas station washroom, knowing that at the last
moment, he would break his word, and screw me one more time by taking his
orgasm inside of my unprotected body."

   " That's what I find so fascinating about you, Shannon.  I've had girls
with your mental - shall we say - limitations in my office before, but
until now, none of them had much of an idea of how they were being
manipulated by those around them.  You, on the other hand, know that you're
being fooled, but you decide to go along with it anyhow."

   This stinging bit of commentary hit Shannon hard in the gut, and she
could feel tears coming to her eyes.

   " Can I go now?"

   " No.  I'd like to hear more.  For instance, you mentioned that you were
enjoying this sexual contact, however degrading it was at the time.  Did
you have an orgasm?"

   Too personal, Shannon tried to set the limit in her head, but she could
hear herself answering.  Elizabeth was right.  She knew she was being the
fool, but was obeying nonetheless.

   " Not at the time.  Only when I played with myself afterwards."

   " Did that make you ashamed too?"

   " Yes.  It always bothers me.  When I masturbate, the scenes that come
to mind are of Kevin, doing me from behind in various settings, always
promising to pull out his cock, but at the last moment, feeling his body
tense, and knowing that he's betraying my trust again.  That's the part of
the memory I that gives me my climax.  That's when I feel the most
disgusted with myself."

   " Are you aroused right now?"

   Shannon nodded.

   " Feel free to rub yourself while we talk," Elizabeth offered. 
Shannon's heart sank.  It was one more little barrier that the woman was
taking away from her.  It was just one more opportunity for Shannon to
prove how she would make a fool of herself if given half a chance.

   " Did you have sex with him many times?"

   " It was a couple of times a week.  I would sneak off of the school
grounds at lunch, and meet up with him somewhere.  I was always afraid that
someone would see us, and I'd be in trouble at the school, or Bethany would
find out."

   " But you still took a thrill in the fact that you were taking Bethany's
boyfriend, didn't you?"

   Yes.  It was a thrill.  At the time, Shannon took a secret pride in it.
Whenever Bethany outperformed her in class, she would remind herself of the
dirty secret, and it would give her a strange erotic thrill.  Sitting
there, under the perceptive eyes of Elizabeth Fisher, Shannon knew she
couldn't hide the fact that it had excited her.

   The answer was obvious.  Shannon was squirming in her seat now, and
could feel the amusement in her interviewer's smile.  She was trying to
resist touching herself, but it wouldn't last long.  Soon, she would make a
shameful display of herself in front of this woman, and they both knew it.

   Shannon nodded, and allowed one hand to drift down into her lap.

   " Were you worried about becoming pregnant?"

   " Very.  I begged him to use a condom.  I tried to get him off in my
mouth.  In the end, though, as much as he assured me that he would play it
safe this time, he would change his tune part way through, and in the
sexual rush of the moment, I would allow it all to happen."

   Shannon elaborated, now rubbing herself through her skirt," he would
even tease me about it sometimes when we were having sex.  He would ask me,
'do you want me to pull out', and I would tell him, yeah.  Then he would
keep on going, and slap my ass or call me a slut, just to get me more
worked up, and then he would ask again if I wanted him to pull out.  If I
still said yes, he would do some more things like play with my tits or
reach underneath and rub my pussy, then he would...  unhghhh..."

   " Yes?"

   Shannon had lost herself in the scene for a moment.  She looked up to
see that the older woman was still calmly taking notes in her black binder,
and was watching the scene with an almost clinical interest.

   " He would keep slapping my ass...  and calling me names..." Shannon
continued, beyond all capacity to stop herself," and telling me that he
knows how much I want him to fill me with cum, even though I kept telling
him that I didn't...  and I knew it was inevitable...  and that, ummmnn...
that he would do it anyhow...  and in the end, I got all empty-headed... 
and all I could think about at the moment was how good it felt the way he
was taking control and possession over me...  and then he would ask me
again ' do you want my cum ' and I would finally say yes...  then he would
tease me until I asked him to please keep fucking me...  and tell him how
much I wanted it inside of my pussy..."

   " Shannon," the woman interrupted, delaying the orgasm that was coming
so close for the girl." When did Bethany find out?"

   For a fleeting moment, Shannon tried to figure out how the woman knew
that Bethany had ever found out about it, but the thought didn't stick.  It
was always like this.  She was getting the same, empty-headed feeling she
always got when her body was this aroused.  Shannon was vaguely aware that
her feet were now raised to the edge of Elizabeth's desk, leaving her
masturbation display fully visible from the other woman's seat.

   " We took a stupid risk.  We were all visiting Bethany's house together
about a month later...her friends and some boys...  and Kevin told me that
he wanted to screw me, and he kept grabbing my ass when nobody was looking.
So finally, he took me into one of the rooms of the house, and he put me on
the bed.  At first, I told him it was a bad idea, but he knew how to talk
to me now, and that I wouldn't refuse him."

   This particular scene had always featured prominently in Shannon's
bedtime fantasies, and she could feel the familiar rush of shameful lust
coming to her while she reconstructed it in her head.

   " It was Bethany's little sister's room...  she was really young, and
all over the place were dolls and stuffed animals.  Kevin put me on the bed
with all of the stuffed animals, and lifted up my skirt like he always
did...  and then, even though I was sure we were going to be caught... 
that Bethany would notice we were gone...  I let him kneel up behind me and
slide in....  and even though I was scared...  and I thought it was
disgusting to do it on a little girl's bed, with all of her stuffed animals
surrounding us...  oh god..."

   Shannon locked eyes with the older woman, and even though the shame of
the scene was burning through her body, she kept rubbing herself, and
humping back and forth with her hips.

   " All those thoughts kept falling out of my head, and Kevin was taunting
me again...  do you want me to pull out...  yeah...  cheap slut...  what
did you say, unnngg...  do you want me to pull out...  yeah ...  oh, god,
how he would pull on my nipples...  you always like it this way, he said...
you like to pretend that you don't want it in there...  but in the end...
what's that? ...  fuck me...  keep...  fucking...  me...  yeah, put your
cum right inside of me...  and then Bethany is at the door...  and now
she's right beside the bed, but he's not stopping...  and I'm still begging
for his cum..."

   " And what did Bethany say?"

   Shannon silently cursed the woman for breaking her concentration.  She
was so close to cumming now.  She needed it so badly.

   " Afterwards...  I was crying, and telling her I'm so sorry Bethany. 
She patted my head and was so condescending and she asked me, what for? 
And I said for screwing with your boyfriend...  and she was looking at me
with that smug smile again...  and I was all naked, with Kevin's warmth in
my pussy...  and she said...  no, no, I broke it off with Kevin weeks
ago... I just didn't say anything because the two of you were having such
fun...  but really...  uunnff..."

   "Yes?"

   " She said...  but really...  aaaaahh...  a smart girl like you should
really learn to use a condom...  and then she stroked my hair out of my
face...  and..."

   Shannon couldn't control herself any longer.  She squealed in a most
undignified manner when the orgasm rocked her body.  She held onto the
sensation for as long as she could.  Somewhere in her empty head, a part of
her brain was calculating the depths of humiliation that would be waiting
for her when the orgasm subsided.

   As the world returned, she could hear Elizabeth taking a final, cruel
cut before ending the session.

   " It seems to me that she was just looking out for you.  Bethany was
teaching you a lesson about your place in the food chain.  If you haven't
learned it by now, maybe you should get back on her good side so that she
can finish the lesson..."

   ***

   Comments can be forwarded to: orestesw@yahoo.com All of my stories can
be found at: ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/Orestes