Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 mf, cons, first time

   This is a story about the time that I lost my virginity.  I wish it were
a story of wine, roses, candy, satin sheets and Prince Charming but it's
anything but that.  It's a pretty unromantic tale that involves an insecure
girl (me) and jerk (Prince Charming) and a wicked which of sorts.  There is
no hero and no virtuous maiden the events just happen.  It happened when I
was in grade 11 just after I turned 17.

   Warning:This is not a happy story and it does involve sex between a boy
and a girl under the ages of 18.
Grade 11 started for me much like the last one ended: uneventful.  That
was in a word the way I was feeling with myself, I'm not sure if I was
depressed I just wasn't feeling anything.  I really didn't like going to
school, I wasn't popular and that was something that I wanted to be. 
Somebody probably should have told me that being good at ballet, being good
at math, being nice to people and liking my teachers wouldn't add up to
being the queen of the ball.  Really I didn't even need to be the queen but
I didn't like it when the other kids made fun of me.  Growing up also
didn't help as I became pretty self conscious in a bad way.  I certainly
wasn't ugly, adults would always tell me how pretty I looked but that was
the problem kids my age didn't.  I was always too thin and my breasts
didn't grow to mammoth sizes.  Top that off with the glasses and the

figurative pocket protector I didn't need a stick to beat the boys off.

   Most of them bothered me anyways, they always seemed so immature.  But
the boys I could deal with, I smiled at them and they were mostly nice to
me..........the girls on the other hand, well some of them were just really
mean.  There was this one girl Amanda M______ who picked on me every chance
she got.  It really bothered me because we were friends in middle school,
but she went the popular skip class to smoke route and I went my way.  It
gave me little satisfaction that people thought she was ruining her future
we lived in the now and the now more or less sucked for me.  The things she
would say were so silly but after a while they would just get to me, like
"Michelle, Michelle has a face like a gazelle" or just the timeless,
"horseface" or the charming, "Mich the bitch".

   It probably wouldn't have bothered me as much as it did if it wasn't for
the fact that she had the one thing that I wanted more than anything in the
world: a boyfriend.  I was so jealous of her and anyone who had a boyfriend
really; couples always looked so happy together.  I would picture myself
walking down a busy street with my one guy holding my hand knowing that I
was his one girl, there would be a crowd of people but we would stand out
in the shine of happiness.  Around that time my mom would usually snap and
ask me if I was on the planet earth or something like that.  The only place
I could dream in peace was my bed where I would pull the covers over my
head feeling completely isolated from the world outside and playback the
movies in my head starring me in happier settings.  My only worry was
waking up and having to go back to school again.
This is how grade 11 was for me.  Not only did I feel lonely at school
but I also felt lonely at home.  My brother had moved out a few years
earlier to go to university so not even his antics broke the monotony in
the house.  And my parents with nobody to yell at almost seemed docile.  I
never really caused them any trouble, I still really enjoyed dance class
and was getting really good at it by this time.  My instructor even thought
that I could have had a future in it if I wanted it.  I had performed at
the local art centre and I just had a different confidence on stage; like I
was someone else maybe a princess.  My parents just loved my recitals and
performances and it gave them a real sense of pride.  I didn't even mind
wearing the tutu; it actually was one of the only things that made me feel
pretty.  All the adults after the performance would tell me what, "a lovely

young lady" I was.

   At school I always did my homework on time and with care.  Something
that earns you points with teachers but not with your peers.  Math is what
I liked best and while I didn't like the idea of being a math geek I didn't
see any reason to not do something I liked.  This is the attitude that
found me in the math club.......yet another subject of ridicule.  It also
wasn't a great place to get a date, some of the boys were nice but they
were at least twice as awkward as I was and even more shy.  Also none of
them measured up to my vision of the pair that stands out on the busy
street.

   As a result I mostly just hung out with girls.  I had my two friends,
Angie and Sara, who were probably my equal on the social ladder but we
loved each other and still talk to this day.  I liked the times when we
were together but boys were always scarce from our gatherings.  Angie would
have a boyfriend every now and then but they would never go all the way. 
We were virgins, but that doesn't mean we didn't hear about the kids at
school who were having sex.  The whispers always went around and some of
them just had to be true.  I had no illusions about what sex was, I had
seen a lot of videos and there was no doubt that I was jealous of those who
were doing it.

   My 17th birthday came in March and it came with no boyfriend to buy me
flowers.  I still got my weekly ridicule from Amanda and I remember it
hurting me extra that week.  I went to the washroom and didn't want to come
out, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if she saw me crying.  I
really hated her and I felt helpless around her.  She had the things that I
wanted: popularity, sex appeal and a hot boyfriend.  Her boyfriend was
Brian K____ and he was on the swim team.  He had short brown hair that sort
of curled at the back, dark brown eyes, clear skin, quirky smile and he was
tall but not too tall.  He always wore his swimming team jacket and that
just made him look even hotter.  He was the type of guy that could have
made me the centre of the room; made me stand out on a busy street.  OHHHH
I was so jealous of her!
Brian was in one of my classes, chemistry, and he wasn't a bad student.
I don't know what he ever say in a bitch like Amanda.  Well it was probably
her boobs but that's just about the only good thing that anyone could say
about her.  Often in Chemistry Mr.  Courtnar would put us into random
groups of four or six and for the first time in the year I was put into a
group with Brian.  That was pretty unusual given that this was June and the
year was almost over, I must have been in a group with everyone else at
least twice.  Not that being in a group with him gave me any sense of

satisfaction, quite the opposite it scared the daylights out of me.

   As the students arranged themselves at the labs with their newly formed
groups I didn't want to move, I had butterflies in my stomach and I felt
like going home.  It was probably 5 minutes before Mr.  Courtnar asked if I
was lost in his sarcastic way that makes you feel like an idiot.  I
swallowed hard as I knew that I would have to face him.  What bothered me
the most was that he probably just didn't think about me at all, I was a
nobody to him, well less than a nobody I was the girl that his girlfriend
picked on.  He had seen her do it, he had never said anything to me himself
but never raised his sword to come to my defense either.  I was so scared
that he would mention my insults or further them.  All of this turned out
to be for nothing as he seemed like a pretty nice guy.

   I don't remember what the experiment was but I do remember having one of
the times of my life.  Brian and me had talked!  It felt natural, it felt
like the class just wasn't long enough.  I had fun, he had fun, I could
just feel well chemistry!  I felt like I was ether and he was oxygen; we
would explode if we came into contact.  :) sorry of the geeky joke :)

   The feeling couldn't have been lost on him I thought to myself as I
almost skipped all the way home.  Of course with every minute that past the
shadow of reality was chipping away at my fantasy until it hit me like a
rock: He was my biggest enemy's boyfriend and I really was scared of my
biggest enemy.  I was in no position to fight her for his hand, firstly I
didn't think I could win, and secondly what if I lost.  I would be
humiliated beyond my worst nightmare.  I decided to put it out of my head
and to go on with my existence; I mean nothing had changed it was all in my
head anyways.
Two days later chemistry class came again and I wasn't looking forward
to it.  I was a nervous wreck but I just kept telling myself not to let on
that I was nervous and nobody would notice.  72 minutes passed and the
class was over, no contact, no making a fool out of myself.....I made it. I
was halfway down the hall when I heard my name, "Michelle!" I turned around

and heard, "Michelle wait up".

   It was Brian!  When I turned and saw him he looked as hot as I had ever
seen him.  There was a sense of urgency in his face like he was trying to
catch a bus and if he missed it there wouldn't be another.  He didn't have
to go far to catch me but he seemed a little out of breath like he was
nervous himself, I didn't know what was happening.  Then he came out with
it, "Michelle, you seem like a really nice person and if you're allowed do
you want to come with me and my parents to our cottage."

   You could have knocked me out with a feather.  I stumbled over my words
and the best I could reply was, "what, what, what about Amanda?"

   "We broke up two weeks ago" he told me.

   It was true that I hadn't really seen them together but I didn't keep
tabs on them either.  That didn't matter at all as all I wanted to do was
jump out of my shoes and scream YES!  Instead I managed to say that I would
ask my parents.  I turned to leave before he changed his mind and he said,
"aren't you forgetting something?"

   Baffled at this I said in my goofiest voice, "no, I have everything".

   "Well then can I have your phone number, so you can tell me what your
parents say"

   I wanted to slap my forehead as my inner-monologue was chastising me for
being an airhead.  Phone numbers were exchanged and I was on my way to ask
my parents; that was my next obstacle.  I built this up in my head so much
that I didn't realize just how much they trusted me.  It didn't take too
much deliberation for my mom to say I could go just as long as she talked
to his mom and that everything was on the up and up.  My mom sensed no
problems, made sure about the sleeping arrangements and come Friday I was
on my way.  On may way to my first actual date, it was my first actual date
with the boy I so much wanted to have a date with.

   I have to say that the fairy-tale ended not too long into the trip. 
Brian was actually pretty rude and came off as pretty spoiled too.  I think
some of his charm was attributes that I was projecting on him.  He teased
his little brother, ordered his mom around and made me feel like I should
be kissing his feet for letting me be around him.  The first night revolved
mostly around his boasting, something his father couldn't seem to get
enough of.  Another thing his father couldn't seem to get enough of was
alcohol.  Both of my parents drink so this didn't bother me that much but
he would give Brian a cooler too remarking that it would put hair on his
chest.  Truly charming.

   I had my own bed to sleep in that night and nobody bothered me.  I have
to say that aside from the obnoxious behavior I was still happy to be
there. Him picking me made me feel special, made me feel wanted.  In the
morning Brian was dead to the world, he didn't drink heavily but probably
enough to make him not want to get up.  I spent most of the morning taking
his little brother down to the pond to look for frogs and then preparing
lunch with his mom.  She was really nice and I almost felt sorry for her
that she was married to such a brute.

   Brian eventually emerged from his sleep and was back to being obnoxious.
Still his quirky smile made it hard to be too mad at him.  He didn't really
pay that much attention to me other than the odd comment, still this was
more attention than any other boy had really given me so I was happy about
that.  I didn't really know how a boy was suppose to act and I really
didn't know how I was suppose to act either.

   Around 5 o'clock he told me to come into town with him and then we could
go down to the lake when we got back.  I asked him why we didn't just walk
to the lake but he told me that he needed something in town.  So he took
his parents SUV and we started driving but he didn't go into town instead
we just went to the lake, which was about a 5 minute walk.  He told me he
didn't need to go to town anymore and we got out and walked to the lake.

   It wasn't a beach, it was just a dock by the water and there was nobody
really around.  We walked to the dock and stood on it for a little while
but it's not like we had our bathing suits and we weren't going to go
swimming.  That was the first time he made contact with me, he hugged me
from behind and told me that he thought I was beautiful.  My heart almost
melted and I was so happy.  I turned around and we kissed for the first
time and I kept thinking that things couldn't have been going any better.
We finished kissing and he told me that we should go into town after all.
At that point I wasn't asking questions and I followed him to the SUV hand
in hand.  When he opened the door he told me to get in the back and sort of
led me that way and followed me back there.  He didn't waste any time as I
felt like he was attacking me kissing me all over my face and i felt his
hand on me too.  We had gone from a nice first kiss minutes earlier to him
groping me in the back of his parents truck.  I didn't feel all that good
over it really, but I also wanted to impress him so badly.  So I kissed
back and let him feel me up I didn't think it would go any further.

   He started to try to take my clothes off and I struggled but tried to
keep it playful.  I asked him, "what are you doing".

   His reply was blunt in his honestly, "I'm going to fuck you".

   I asked him to stop so we could talk about it and he backed off a little
bit.  I told them that I had never done it and that I wasn't really sure I
wanted to.  He started to pressure me, saying that this was the only chance
we would get, that we would leave tomorrow and then it would be a wasted
weekend.  Some of it sort of broke my heart considering I thought up to the
kiss that things were perfect.  He kept asking me and pleading with me
until I asked him if he had a condom.  He got a big smile on his face and
took one out of his pocket.

   We were locked in kisses and caresses again.  It wasn't long before he
had my shorts off and my shirt followed.  I felt sort of embarrassed and I
asked him if he liked what he saw.  He grunted in approval as he worked his
way out of his jeans.  His dick pointed right out at me and it was as hard
as he could be.  He was telling me not to worry and trying to relax me.  At
that point he told me that he did this to his girlfriend and that she loved
it.  I didn't even realize the freudian slip and this point but I wasn't
too happy about him bringing her up at that moment for me.  Before I had
the time to scold him he flipped me on my back and took my panties off.

   I tried to squirm the best I could but there wasn't much room in the
back of the SUV.  I felt his hands on both of my hips to hold me in place
and I felt his cock right at my entrance.  He pushed forward and I felt
some pressure and then he was in.  I was getting fucked.  I had masturbated
before so it's not like my hymen was there to break so it wasn't painful
but it wasn't like playing with myself either.  He took long and aggressive
strokes, it made me feel like a rag doll on the end of his dick.

   I was gasping for air but he was relentless he just kept driving it into
me.  He had a really big dick and I felt every bit of it as he kissed me on
the neck as he repeatedly buried himself in me.  There was nothing romantic
about this encounter, I mean I hardly knew the boy, this was animalistic. I
was attracted to him and that's why he was fucking me.  He sensed it the
first time we spoke and decided to take my virginity, this was a conquest
to him and I could feel that.  He didn't ask me if I liked it he told me
that I liked it.

   It did feel good.  I had my legs in the air and I could see that my
shoes where still on.  He didn't even take the time to take my shoes off,
at that moment I realized that he was fucking me like a slut.  I was
fixated on my shoes, how my laces were lose and hanging down, it was in
this half daze that he started to grunt indicating that he was cumming.  At
that moment I noticed something other than my shoe it was the condom still
in it's wrapper; the bastard had cum inside of me.

   He was cheering like he just won the rodeo as he got off me.  It was a
little cramped in the back seat but he managed to get his clothes on and
get out of the truck.  I was still trying to gather myself as I felt the
cum leaking down my butt.  I grabbed my underwear and tried to stop it
making a mess of them in the process.  I also felt pretty embarrassed.  He
wasn't holding me, he wasn't talking with me, he wasn't even beside me.  I
was sitting naked in this strange car after just having my brains fucked
out of me.  I tried to gather myself but I really couldn't and I tried but
couldn't choke back every tear.

   It wasn't long before the door opened and he so graciously asked if I
was ok.  I didn't want to give him any satisfaction for I answered in the
age old tradition, "fine".

   With that I stepped into my shorts and put my shirt back on.  I put my
panties in my pocket figuring that I could sneak them into my suitcase.  We
didn't say anything to each other as he drove 30 seconds up the drive way
to the cottage.  When I got out of the SUV his parents were sitting outside
and I kept thinking that the must know.  I also realized that I hadn't
soaked all the cum up and it was running down my leg.  I skipped any
pleasantries and went right for the shower.

   That night I slept by myself, my first night as a woman and I had my own
bed; oh me.  Still I rationalized that it wasn't all bad.  Maybe he did
actually respect me.  It seemed like a long shot but it was a lie I was
willing to tell to get some sleep.

   Brian didn't talk to me much the next day and I didn't really have
anything to say to him either.  The drive back was a little cold and I was
trying to read everyones mind to no avail.

   I tried to find Brian at school the next day but he was no where to be
found.  That's when it happened, my worst fears were realized.  "Michelle's
a slut", someone said as they passed me.  Later down the hall, "heard you
barked like a dog"........

   I couldn't believe it, he told all his friends!  Worse than that, as I
found out in my walk of shame that he hadn't broken up with anyone.  Amanda
and Brian were still very much a couple and apparently Amanda was looking
for me.  Rumors were flying and for the first time I was at the centre of
them and for all the wrong reasons.  I didn't want to find him now I wanted
to run away and far away.

   I decided to do something that I had never done before, I was going to
skip school.  I just didn't want to be found, I had to get away and then
maybe I could change schools, change identities, changes lives!  It wasn't
far, the fence was my security, if I could just get past the fence nobody
would see me.  There was no security, Amanda and her friends were talking
slowly but deliberately behind me.  They were shouting nasty things at me.
I told them I didn't know, and I repeated that I didn't know but they
weren't listening.  They just kept following.

   My heart was beating so hard in my chest, I just wanted the day to be
over and my tormenter to go away.  I picked up the pace and they picked up
the pace.  I had to cut through our old junior high to get to my house so I
just pushed onward.  Soon I could tell that I was being circled and there
wasn't anyway to go further.  I looked around and my knight in shining
armor was nowhere to be seen, all there was was a mean blonde bitch with
absolute hatred in her eyes.

   I was so scared, nobody had ever looked at me like that before.  I was
the girl who always tried to be nice to people and smile at them.  I didn't
mean to steal her boyfriend, he completely lied to me.  It didn't matter
she wasn't hearing any explanations she was going to "bitch me out" for
lack of a better term.  Apparently Brian had asked her to go and her
parents wouldn't let her, I guess it was completely lost on her that
logically I couldn't have known that and made my move to vulture her
boyfriend.

   She must have called me every name in the book that had to do with being
a woman of loose morals.  I felt like she was foaming at the mouth or
something and the circle around me just seemed to get smaller.  I would
like to say that I stood my ground and told her off right back but that
didn't happen.  I apologized meekly and asked her to leave me alone. 
Instead she slapped me across the head and broke my glasses in the process.
I didn't fight back and she didn't hit me again, they eventually left and I
picked up my glasses and walked home.

   The glasses posed something of a problem for me as I couldn't hide what
happened from my mother.  The arm of my glasses and where they broke caused
me the have a cut beside my eye that I didn't even notice because was so
upset.  I told my mom as much as I felt comfortable saying, which was
basically that this girl was bullying me.  My mom was almost hysterical as
she demanded the name which I eventually gave up.  She couldn't believe it
as Amanda and I "were such great friends".  She called Amanda's mother and
told her about the glasses and my eye.  Whatever Amanda's mom said to her
must have worked because Amanda never spoke to me again, not even to pick
on me.

   I saw Brian and Amanda in the hallways again before long still very much
"in love".  At that point I figured that they deserved each other.  He was
a lying scum bag and she was someone he could walk all over and cheat on.
She didn't even blame him one bit, it was me who manipulated him.  Really,
I was just a shy, quiet girl who finally got asked to the dance.  I wanted
so bad to impress him and ended up getting fucked in the back of his
parent's SUV.  The good news was that I wasn't pregnant, not that he would
have cared and I never spoke to Brian again.  I never truly figured out why
he did it and I guess it doesn't matter I was no longer a virgin but I
still had a lot to learn about being a woman and I had still never been
with a man.