MST: Batman: The Little Mouse by Andrew Troy Keller
The Mad MSTr (MadMSTr@SPAMMENOT.gmx.net)

The following is a parody of the work of erotic fiction entitled "Batman:
The Little Mouse", written by Andrew Troy Keller. The original story along
with the author's email address can be found at
    http://www.superstories.net/sportsman/lsstor/battlm.htm
As always, no greater insult to the author is intended than what he intended
to us.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is by Best Brains, Inc. The
characters are just on loan, and no copyright infringement or claim to
ownership is intended.

If you're wondering where the traditional intro, exit and interludes are:
this story is small enough to benefit from their omission. Call it instant
MSTing.


ALL: We've got fanfic sign!

[6..5..4..3..2..1..]

> Batman: The Little Mouse

TOM: Am I alone in thinking this is not a good title?
CROW: No.

> By
>
> Andrew Troy Keller
>

CROW: Remember that name.
MIKE: Because he's going to be famous?
CROW: No, because you're going to hate it before this story is over.

> Fandom: DC Comics
> Category: Slash

MIKE: Is this going to involve horror somehow?
CROW: No. Slash means that homosexual relationships are involved.
MIKE: I'm not even going to ask how you come to be knowledgeable in
such matters.
CROW: It's no secret. I invented it.
MIKE: Really?
CROW: No.

> Pairing: Batgirl/Catwoman/Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn
> Date: 6/16/2003
> Feedback: Yes, I want feedback.

TOM: That's what we're here for!
MIKE: Would we be very wrong if we applied electrical current to his
footsoles?
CROW: Feedback is feedback.

> Archive: Yes
> Rating: NC-17
> Disclaimer: Batgirl, Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn belong to
> DC Comics. This story is not-for-profit, but I own it.

MIKE: I suppose this is where we give our spiel.
CROW: Yes, well, Mystery Science Theater, Mike, Tom Servo and of course
yours truly, belong to Best Brains.
TOM: We are not for profit...
CROW: Speak for yourself. I'll sell out to the highest bidder.
MIKE: I'd sell you to any bidder. Heck, I'd give you away.
CROW: No chance, buddy. You're stuck with me.

> Summary: Even though they were supposed to capture the Batman,
> Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn decide to make do with
> capturing Batgirl.

TOM: The world would never be the same.

> Warnings: Female/female sex, strong language

CROW: Bring it on, baby!
MIKE: Crow!
CROW: I haven't even started.
MIKE: Neither has the story. Settle down.

> Dedications: None so far.

TOM: So far?
MIKE: He reserves the right to dedicate it to his next girlfriend.
CROW: I'm sure she'll be delighted.

> It was a night like any other in Gotham City, while the Daring Daredoll
> known as Batgirl

MIKE: She isn't really called the Daring Daredoll, is she?
CROW: I'm afraid so, Mike.
MIKE: I'd become a supervillain just to spite people.
CROW: Spiteman!
TOM: The Daring Daredoll!
MIKE: Scratch that, I'd want to hurt them too.

> was patrolling the city streets in search of three criminal femmes who
> had recently escaped from prison and decided to play with the boys on
> their terms.

TOM (falsetto): OK, boys, we'll play with you, but on our terms.
CROW (bass): Oh, pooh.
MIKE: Is this some sort of metaphorical allusion to an undercurrent of
feminist ideology?
CROW: Did you really construct that sentence on your own?
MIKE: I know. I'm a little scared myself.

> The three escapees were Pamela Isley, aka Poison Ivy, Harleen Quinzel,
> aka Harley Quinn, and Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman ... and all three had
> returned to Gotham for one thing and one thing only: revenge against
> the Masked Manhunter himself, the Batman.

MIKE: He isn't really called...
CROW: Yes, Mike, he is. Everyone in the Batman universe has at least two
stupid nicknames, OK? Deal with it.
MIKE: OK, you're clearly a fan. I'll say nothing more of it.
CROW: It's more accurate to say that I tire of apologizing to everyone. I
didn't do it, man! I didn't do it!
MIKE: There there.

> However, since the Darknight Detective

MIKE: Hmm...
CROW: What did I tell you?!
MIKE: No, I mean -- the Dark Night Detective? Is there a Bright Day
Investigator somewhere too?
TOM: Isn't that Inspector Gadget?
CROW: Why yes, Servo. It's Inspector Gadget. (mumbles)

> -- who was also known as Bruce Wayne -- was out of town for some sort
> of business trip,

TOM: Yeah, let's not get bogged down in details.
MIKE: We want to know that he's the Masked Manhunter and the Darknight
Detective, but not what he's doing.
CROW: With names like that, who needs descriptions?
MIKE: You've got a point.

> it was up to Batgirl to bring the three criminal damsels to justice.

MIKE: Why not Superman?
CROW: Shut up, Mike. You are clearly not a comic book fan.
MIKE: You make it sound like it's a bad thing.

> And so, after she had heard over the police band radio

TOM (singing): Just a castaway, an island lost at sea...

> that Harley and Ivy had just robbed the Gotham Savings and Trust Bank
> of over seven hundred dollars, Batgirl had zoomed on over to the scene.

CROW: What? Seven hundred dollars? When does this story take place --
1920?
MIKE: Well, every dollar counts. It's the principle.
TOM (radio): They have stolen over seven hundred dollars! This is a date
which will live in infamy!
CROW: Now, if it had been over seven hundred diamonds...
MIKE: Look, it's "over" seven hundred dollars, OK? Could be lots more for
all we know.
CROW: ...or over seven hundred bars of gold...
MIKE: Shut up, Crow! They've Stolen, they're Bad, and they need to be
Stopped.
CROW: Fine, fine. I hope I'm not called for jury duty. I'd acquit them in a
heartbeat. Heck, I'm sure the trial *alone* would cost more.

> But just as she was halfway there, both Harley and Ivy had leaped out of
> the shadows and into Batgirl's motorcycle,

MIKE: One went into the tank, the other wrapped herself around the
wheel.
CROW: Ouch.

> causing her to stop instantly.

CROW: Yeah, I can imagine.

> "Oooopsy! Sorry!" said a devilishly smiling Harley. "We didn't mean to
> make you get a boo-boo!"

MIKE: This woman is a villain. Only a villain could say "boo-boo".
CROW: And just when I thought you didn't know anything about comics. I
stand corrected.

> "You see, you pointy-eared bitch, we were supposed to get our claws
> into that son-of-a-bitch Batman for placing us in the slammer!"

MIKE: During our stay, we didn't make use of the extensive prison library
to brush up on our English.
CROW: Well, duh.

> hissed Ivy, after she had walked towards Batgirl and thrown some sort
> of seeds next to her.

TOM: Anyone who wants to bet that those seeds are not important?
MIKE: I bet Crow's wages.
CROW: And I bet Mike's.
MIKE: Damn, I should have seen that one coming. I'll up the ante and put
Tom's in as well.
TOM: All right, all right! Forget I said anything.
MIKE: Did you say something?
CROW: I don't recall him saying something.
TOM: Jerks!

> "But since he's not around, I guess that we'll have to make do with
> you!"
>
> "That's what you think, little miss plant-bitch!" said Batgirl,

CROW (Batgirl): I happen to have an innocent victim you can make do
with right here!
MIKE: The Daring Daredoll, always practically minded.
CROW: You're not going to let that go, are you?
MIKE: Nope.

> before she was getting ready to do battle with the two villainesses.
>

MIKE: Who were also thievesses.
CROW: Seven hundred dollars!
MIKE: Deal with it!

> But before that was about to happen,

TOM: This isn't going to be a flashback scene, is it?

> some grappling vines had sprung up where Ivy's seeds were and
> wrapped themselves around the suddenly-helpless Batgirl.

MIKE: No!
CROW: Talk about a plot twist, eh?

> And after they had squeezed so tightly they had caused the Daring
> Daredoll to become unconscious,

MIKE: OK, I understand that everyone has a stupid nickname, but fanfic
authors don't *have* to use those every other sentence, right?
CROW: How little you know.

> the Catwoman had stepped out of the shadows, walked over to the
> slumbering Batgirl and said, "Okay, you little mouse, tonight we're going
> to make you purr."

MIKE: A cat tells a bat that she's a mouse and they'll make her purr?
CROW: Better than an elephant telling a lion that he's a monkey and they'll
make him whistle.
TOM: Or something.

> Sometime later, after she had finally woken up from her little nap,
> Batgirl was suddenly shocked to discover that she was in a strange
> bedroom naked and tied to the bed.

CROW (Batgirl): Eeeek! This isn't *my* bedroom!
MIKE (Batgirl): It's a *strange* bedroom!
TOM (Batgirl): And I'm late for school!
(CROW & MIKE stare)
TOM: What? Not good enough for you?
CROW: No, no.
MIKE: Just a bit unusual.

> "HEY, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" yelled the
> Batgirl,

CROW: You're in a strange bedroom, naked and tied to the bed.
MIKE: I'm guessing none of her nicknames involve "detective" somehow?
CROW: You're a fast learner.

> as she was trying to get herself free from her bonds. "GET ME OUT OF
> HERE, YOU BITCHES!"

TOM (Batgirl): I'm not going to ask twice!
CROW (Batgirl): OR ELSE!
MIKE (Batgirl): You *don't* want to see me mad!
CROW: No, we want to see you naked!
TOM: Erm, that's pretty much already arranged for, Crow.
CROW: Force of habit.

> Just then, after the door had slowly opened, Harley, Ivy and Selina --
> who were also naked --

CROW: Incidentally...

> had slowly walked into the room and placed themselves next to a confused
> Batgirl.

CROW (Batgirl): I thought the torrid lesbian orgy was next week.
MIKE: Crow!
CROW: Hey, go with the flow, Mikey-O.
MIKE: Don't call me Mikey-O.
CROW: OK.
MIKE: Wow, that was easy.
CROW: Just keeping you sharp.

> And then, just before Selina was about to start sucking on her snatch, a
> frightened Barbara had started squirming and said, "Now wait-a-minute,
> you guys! You don't understand! I'm really not..."

MIKE (Batgirl): ...happy to appear in this fic!
CROW (Batgirl): ...prepared for a commitment in our relationship!
TOM (Batgirl): ...sure why I refer to you ladies as guys!
MIKE: Eh, everybody does that, Tom. English is flexible like that.
TOM: Oh. So I can call you and Crow gals, then?
CROW: Sure, if you want your head smashed in.
TOM: I rest my case.

> But before she was able to say another word, Harley had placed the tips
> of her fingers on to Barbara's lips and said, "No-no-no, Babsy-boo, you
> don't understand. As long as you're tied to this bed, you've got no
> choice but to relax ... and enjoy it."

MIKE: As long as you're reading this fic, you've got no choice but to relax.
TOM: ...and enjoy it?
MIKE: As if.

> Then, while Harley was kissing Barbara ever so passionately on the lips
> and Ivy had started sucking on Barbara's breasts, Selina had started
> licking on Barbara's pussy.

CROW: Lips, check; breasts, check; pussy, check...
MIKE: Crow!
CROW: Didn't I tell you to go with the flow?
MIKE: Just keeping you sharp.

> And then, after Ivy had placed one of her hands into Harley's hot, wet
> pussy, Harley had moved her lips to ear and whispered, "You can't resist
> it. It turns you on, doesn't it?"

MIKE (Austin Powers): Do I make you horny, baby?
CROW & TOM: NO!
MIKE: Talk about a knee-jerk reaction.
CROW: Sorry Mike, it's nothing personal.
MIKE: Sure.

> And after she had realized that she was unable to resist it any longer,
> Barbara answered, "Yes, it does! It turns me on! Aaaahhhh!"

CROW: Well, she put up a brave fight, but succumbed in the end.
TOM: What are you talking about? She practically rushed to admit it!
CROW: I was being sarcastic, Tom.
TOM: I think you're getting jaded. I couldn't tell.
CROW: Occupational hazard, I guess.

> A few minutes later, after they had untied her from the bed and placed
> her on the floor,

CROW: The pizza delivery guy arrived and was in for a hell of a show.
MIKE: You've definitely read too much of these.
CROW: Oh? And how would you know?
MIKE: Well... I mean...
CROW & TOM: BUSTED!

> Harley and Ivy had started rubbing their hot, moist snatches against
> each other, Selina had allowed Ivy to suck on her pussy and placed
> Barbara next to Harley in order for Harley to suck on Barbara's snatch.

CROW: A schematic representation is on the adjoining page.
MIKE: Wow, you said "adjoining"! I'm so proud of you!
CROW: I aim to please.
TOM: And shoot to kill.
CROW: That too.

> "AAAAHHHH, YES! THAT'S IT! DO IT!" yelled a sexually energized
> Selina. "SUCK ON HER PUSSY! MAKE HER CUM! LET'S FUCK EACH
> OTHER CRAZY! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

MIKE: Is anyone buying this dialogue?
TOM: What dialogue?
CROW: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
MIKE: Yes, that dialogue.
CROW: No, I was really screaming.
MIKE: My bad.

> And then, after they had started moving harder and faster and their
> lovemaking had reached its true fever pitch,

CROW: Fevah!
MIKE (singing): In the morning, fever when you hold me tight...

> all four costumed damsels had cum and three of them had collapsed due
> to exhaustion, while the fourth one -- Barbara -- had fallen asleep on the
> floor.

MIKE: While the others were exhausted, she had collapsed due to
boredom.

> After the trio had looked at each other and smiled, Selina had placed her
> nude body on top of Barbara's and said, "Now, does that really make you
> purr?"

MIKE: Personally, it makes me groan.

> "I don't know about her," said Ivy, after she had placed herself on top of
> Selina, "but it sure had made me purr."

CROW: It sure made me groan.

> "Same here, Red," said Harley, after she had placed herself on top of Ivy.
> "Same here."

TOM: Same here, Crow. Same here.
MIKE: OK, so Selina is on top of Barbara, Ivy is on top of Selina and Harley
is on top of Ivy, which gives us...
CROW: A PILE OF NEKKID LESBIANS!
(MIKE & CROW high-five)
TOM: Hey, wouldn't it be neat if they all flapped their arms and made
propeller noises?
MIKE: Errr... No, Tom.

> And with that, the trio had also fallen asleep in each other's naked arms,
> while Barbara was still asleep.

MIKE: So they fall asleep, while Barbara's asleep. It's a very sleepy
affair.
CROW: I think it's fair to conclude that everyone's asleep.
TOM: Not the least of which, the readers of this fic.
MIKE: And the writer.

> Surprisingly enough, the next morning, after she had finally woken up,
> Barbara was shocked to discover that she was back in her own
> apartment and in her nightgown, causing her to think that it was all a
> bad dream.

CROW (falsetto): No, it was a good dream! You can't resist! You must
admit it!
MIKE (Batgirl): Yes! Yes! It was a good dream!

> But as soon as she had walked into the bathroom to take a shower,
> Barbara had noticed a note on the bathroom mirror, which had said:

MIKE: "I've had it."
CROW: Give 'em a chance, I wanna know what the note said.
MIKE: Had said.
CROW: Whatever.

> We're glad that you've enjoyed last night, Babsy-boo! See you some time
> soon!
>
> --Harley, Ivy and Selina.

TOM: But they never wrote, they never called...

> And after she had crumpled up the note, Barbara had gotten so mad that
> she had slammed her fist into the mirror.

MIKE: That's seven years of bad luck right there, missy.
CROW (Batgirl): RAAARRGGHH! They gave me a night of incomparable
pleasure! That just makes me so mad!

> And while she was trying to bandage up her injured hand, Barbara
> began to wonder what to do next.

CROW (singing): Go see the doctor...
MIKE: You remembered that song because you knew the occasion would
come along some day, didn't you?
CROW: Oh, how well you know me. 'Tis true, I cannot hide my genius.
TOM: You're not talking about dr. Forrester, right?
CROW: Hardly.

> Would she tell the Batman, his partner, Robin and her father, Police
> Commissioner James W. Gordon,

TOM: American President George W. Bush, The New York Times...

> who she really was, or would she keep her mouth shut and try to handle
> this particular situation on her own?

MIKE: Errr... I'm confused. How would revealing her secret identity help
the situation?
CROW: She could invite everyone to her room for protection without
having to make up excuses.
TOM (Batgirl): Say, Robin, would you like to see how I look in that new
dress? And if a trio of nubile lesbian supervillains showed up, you'd
protect me, right?
MIKE: Oh, this is keeping in line with the whole "I really disliked my night
of steamy lesbian sex" theme, right?
CROW: Of course.

> Whatever she decides, only one thing is for sure .... only time will tell.
>
> THE END!

ALL: WOO-HOO!

[1..2..3..4..5..6..]

MIKE: I always get uncomfortable with open endings, though.
TOM: Yeah, you never know if the author ever decides to come back and
write some more.
MIKE: Perish the thought. This was bad enough to last us for many
months.
CROW: I don't know. The world can always benefit from more hot lesbian
foursomes, that's what I always say.
MIKE: No you don't.
CROW: Well, that's what I'm going to be always saying from now on.
TOM: Maybe you should write your own fic.
CROW (dreamily): Yeah... An ever higher pile of lesbians...
MIKE: Turn it off. Turn it off *now*.

     \  |  /
      \ | /
       \|/
     ---O---
       /|\
      / | \
     /  |  \

"SUCK ON HER PUSSY! MAKE HER CUM! LET'S FUCK EACH OTHER
CRAZY! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"