Part1_Lizzie_in_the_4th_Grade (g9b12, slow, cons, nosex) Long-time reader, first time writer Lizzie's story in a multipart series inspired by events in my life The author does not condone abuse of anyone in anyway at anytime *** *** *** Lizzie focused on her breath. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Lizzie's head arched unnaturally backward as her mother maintained a tight grip on Lizzie's long brown hair, ensuring maximum tension for a picture perfect braid. Two months ago Lizzie had fainted from lack of oxygen during a similar braiding session. She awoke on the bathroom floor, feeling confused, staring up at her mother who sat on the toilet waiting for Lizzie to wake up. For a few weeks Lizzie's mother had allowed her to sit on the toilet seat while she braided her hair. Now it seemed the generosity had worn off and Lizzie should be well enough to manage standing. Satisfied with her handiwork, Lizzie's mother sent her on her way to school. Lizzie hated having her hair done in braids but knew enough not to argue or fuss about it. Lizzie was a very pretty child, a blue eyed, fairer colored version of Christina Ricci at that age, but she didn't feel very confident in herself or have many friends. Her mother had non-negotiable requirements about Lizzie's appearance, perfectly braided hair along with a pretty, and in Lizzie's mind dorky, outfit. If Lizzie topped that off with a perfect report card, her mother left her alone. If she didn't, she'd be met with a hard slap in the face, but that was the extent of her mother's input and helpfulness. After getting on her school bus, Lizzie stared dreamily out the window, imagining herself a love smitten teenage runaway, listening to the "Slippery When Wet" Bon Jovi album the bus driver chose to play. She had a wild and morbid imagination, often dying after a devastating motorcycle crash in the process of saving the lives of her best girlfriend and her secret boy crush. Quite a satisfying adventure for a 9 year old in the 4th grade. School was the same old boring routine and Lizzie had trouble paying attention in class. Lunch and recess were not much better, as she was terribly shy. She had two friends she felt comfortable talking to and playing with but when they were out she would pretend to be occupied to avoid noticing the fun everyone else seemed to have. At the end of the school day, Lizzie lined up to board her school bus. Walking down the aisle to her seat she heard "psst, Lizzie!" and turned her head. A boy reached out to pass her a note which she grabbed with a puzzled expression and continued to her seat. She had never spoken with this boy. She knew he was a 6th grader, broad and a bit heavy, but a generally attractive boy with sandy hair and warm brown eyes. As she sat down, she unfolded the tiny piece of paper. The torn page was covered front and back with tiny penciled sentences. In it he wrote: "I think you're a really pretty girl and I'd love to get to know you better. My parents own the motel on the corner of my bus stop. Meet me there sometime for a date? Write me back with your answer. Todd" Lizzie felt herself blush hotly. She had barely known this boy existed before today, but now that she knew he liked her she felt very excited about him. He is cute, she thought, cute and his parents must have money to own a motel. Lizzie was well aware of her relative poverty. She qualified for the school's free lunch program and her mother periodically received food basket donations from their church. She loved the thought of being able to buy things at the store or go to a movie, or at least the thought of a boy like Todd buying these things for her. Entering her house, Lizzie's mind was in the clouds, imagining what it would be like to have a boyfriend, an older 6th grade boyfriend. She felt so excited that even the chores her mother expected of her didn't bring her down. Her mother worked as a bartender and most of the time when Lizzie came home her mother was getting ready to leave. Her grandmother had been there to help in the evenings, but since she had passed away this past summer, Lizzie was on her own. Her mother had prepared the evening meal as usual for Lizzie to heat up, Hamburger Helper cheeseburger macaroni tonight. "Good bye Mommy!" Lizzie said as her mother walked out the door. "Good bye Lizzie, make sure you do your homework!" Her mother said as she headed towards her car. Hmm, homework . . . Lizzie thought, knowing the only thing on her mind was writing a response to Todd's note. *** *** *** Lizzie's heart pounded fast as she walked by Todd on the school bus the next day and quickly handed him her note. "I would love to meet you some time. Maybe Friday or Saturday after 5pm? Let me know when. Lizzie" Red faced, Lizzie turned and stared out the window, pressing her cheek to the cool glass. What would happen next? She felt terrified and excited. Todd was all she thought about in her classes that day. She had kissed a boy, well actually, a boy and his brother, two years earlier in the woods behind their house. They'd said they were both her boyfriends and she felt like a princess. Looking back she knew that was really stupid kids stuff, and while she didn't know much about adult romance, she knew she wanted it. Towards the beginning of that year, Lizzie had a dream where she was sitting in a Ferris wheel car on a school field trip. Inside the car there were probes that penetrated the crotches of the people on the seat. Lizzie woke up in shock at the feelings she was having down there from the dream. Since that day, Lizzie couldn't stop touching herself nearly anytime she was alone. She felt extremely ashamed about it but just couldn't stop, especially since she found herself alone and lonely so often. The school day zipped by as Lizzie day dreamed about all of the fantastic things that would happen on her date with Todd. Him kissing her, him holding her, him touching her. She also imagined how much cooler and important she'd be with a 6th grade boyfriend. She'd finally feel like she had something that made her special. As she packed her school bag and began to head to the bus she felt extremely nervous again. What if he didn't hand her back a note? What if he changed his mind? Lizzie got on the bus and saw where Todd was sitting. He was looking away. As she walked by, he made no move to hand her anything. Totally crushed, Lizzie felt tears well up in her eyes. She rushed to her seat and stared out the window, forcing herself to go numb to prevent more tears. "Lizzie!" startled, Lizzie jumped and looked at the girl who spoke, a 5th grader sitting in front of her. "Lizzie, this is for you." The girl handed her a note. Lizzie had no control over the broad smile that spread across her face. She was overcome with joy. She opened the note which read "I can't wait to see you cutie, meet me in front of the motel on Saturday at 5:30 pm. Todd". *** *** *** 5:30pm Saturday felt forever away. Lizzie moped around the house, frustrated that time didn't move faster. It was Saturday morning and all she could think about was Todd, his adorable face, his warm arms. Or at least she thought they would be warm. Warm and amazing. Her mother didn't notice Lizzie's state, as usual and as they both preferred. Being nearly invisible something Lizzie was used to and something she could use to her advantage at times like these. So long as Lizzie stayed quiet, she was completely under the radar. Lizzie used her time Saturday to figure out what to wear. She had nothing that she considered cool or remotely sexy. She remembered when she was 7 years old and had gone out with those two brothers she wore an "I Love NY" Care Bear t-shirt that had just covered her panties and snuck out the door before her mom or grandmother could see her. Then when she was out back with the two boys she had straddled the snowmobile in their backyard because she knew that was sexy. Thinking back she had no idea why that was sexy, but she must have learned it somewhere. Care Bear t-shirts were no longer an option, not for a date with a 6th grader. Lizzie rummaged through her options until she found a fairly tight-fitting, unimportant t-shirt she could cut with scissors without her mom finding out. Her mother left at 4:30pm that day, leaving 30 minutes for cutting, 30 minutes for walking over to the motel. Lizzie was glad that Saturday in April was warm enough to justify her newly cropped yellow t-shirt and brightly colored plaid shorts that she paired with white and pink sneakers. She walked quickly, then slowly, then quickly as she tried to judge the time and distance using her Casio wristwatch. She didn't want to arrive early but at the same time couldn't temper her excitement. Lizzie arrived at 5:31pm to find Todd standing on the sidewalk at the end of the motel driveway. Heart pounding and cheeks flushed, Lizzie hesitantly smiled and looked up at Todd. "I'm glad you could make it" Todd said as he smiled back at Lizzie. "Come on and I'll show you around" he said as he grabbed her hand and turned towards the motel. The motel sat on a grassy hill. Behind the property was a ravine with tall trees, scattered with refuse, plastic shopping bags and rusty old appliances. It captured Lizzie's imagination, as she loved to explore and find treasures among the trash. Todd sat at the edge of the ravine behind the motel, dangling his feet. Lizzie sat next to him and he put his arm around her. She pressed herself against him and put her head on his shoulder. This is weird, she thought. I don't know anything about him, but I don't know how to ask him either. She didn't want to ruin anything so she stayed quiet and waited for his lead. "Lizzie" Todd said, as he turned his head towards her and looked in her eyes. Todd took his hand under her chin and brought his head forward to kiss her. Lizzie closed her eyes, partially panicking because she realized she had no idea how to kiss, and partially melting in anticipation of being kissed. Todd's lips met Lizzie's and a jolt of passion coursed through her body. The movement of their lips felt awkward at first but then Lizzie found a natural rhythm with his mouth. Lizzie felt Todd's tongue explore her mouth and she struggled to figure out what to do with her own. Sparks shot up and throughout her body as Todd moved his hand from cupping her chin to caressing her bare inner thigh. He moved his hand up and down between the edge of her short shorts and her knees. Involuntarily she gasped and found herself spreading her legs then immediately closing them tightly, scared by what she was doing. Abruptly Lizzie pulled away. Shakily she said "I need to go home Todd. I promised my mom I would bring in and feed the cats tonight." As soon as she said it she knew it was a lame excuse, but she needed to pull away, needed to come to her senses. Todd looked at Lizzie intensely, in a way that almost scared her. He ran his finger up her thigh, over the fabric of her shorts, pressing back and forth over the crevice of her slit which she knew was wet and slick from her excitement. "I want you Lizzie," he said, pressing harder against her. "I love you," he said, pressing his mouth to hers again. Lizzie gasped again and felt she was drowning in his intensity. No no no! she thought. This can't be happening! I feel out of control. But just as she was saying this to herself, she pressed forward and threw her arms around his neck. She moved her body forward until she was straddling his. Oh my god! she thought, what am I doing! "No, I can't, I need to go" she murmured in his ear, "I need to go" as he thrust his hips up towards hers. She gasped again, melting over and over, feeling like a puddle with no power of her own. Todd flipped Lizzie onto her back and continued to kiss her, continued to thrust his hips between her legs. Lizzie wrapped her legs around his waist while feeling terrified at her lack of control. The pleasure was amazing and her cheeks felt on fire from the excitement. She could feel his penis pushing against her through his pants and she felt thrills running up her spine. She wanted him to take her and do whatever he wanted with her, but at the same time a voice in her mind told her to run, leave, return to the safety of her empty home. Todd reached down to unzip Lizzie's shorts. "Really, I can't" Lizzie said, scrambling back. "I can't do this tonight, I need to get back home." "Okay Lizzie, I understand" Todd said, standing and brushing the grass off his pants. "Monday, on the bus, at school, we will be boyfriend and girlfriend. I will save you a seat next to me on the bus." Lizzie felt surprised by his assumed authority. Todd didn't ask her what she wanted, he told her, and she found herself relaxing, warmed by the thought of being with someone who knew what he wanted. "Of course Todd" Lizzie said, nearly breathless as a thrill ran up her spine, "I'm all yours." *** *** ***