Second Thoughts and Last Chances
By
Latikia
Edited by
The Old Fart
Copyright © 2007,
2008
Chapter 25
One of the first things I noticed, as the plane accelerated off the runway and began gaining altitude, was a gradual, yet very perceptible, decrease in the emotional baggage I’d been carrying and had nearly gotten used to. The higher up we went, and the further from the masses of people below we got, the better I felt. It’s trite, I know, but it actually did feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Of course there was still the air crew, Lucy and her bunch to put up with, but any improvement, to my mind, was still an improvement, and more than welcome.
I sat back, unbuckled the seat belt, and stretched my legs out. Lilly lifted the arm rest that separated our seats and leaned against my arm.
She was scared, worried, nervous and wracked with guilt.
I lifted my arm and draped it around her shoulders. “Don’t do this to yourself sweetie. It’s not your fault. They could have gotten sick even if we’d been there.”
For some reason I felt a stabbing, guilty twinge all my own when I spoke those words.
“I guess so. But I still feel guilty.”
“Why?”
“I shouldn’t have left them.”
“I needed you with me.”
“No you didn’t. You wanted me with you, but you didn’t need me.”
I pulled her firmly against me. “You’re so wrong. You don’t actually think I could have made it thru this past week alone do you? Without you I’d either be dead or terminally insane and burning LA to the ground with a cheerfully maniacal grin on my face.” Lilly shook her head ‘no’, but inside she was pleased. “Well, I know how much I need you, even if you don’t.” I kissed her forehead. “The doctors will do everything they can. And what they can’t do, I will. Our babies are gonna be just fine, you’ll see.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
We cuddled up as best we could for several minutes, ignoring the roar of the engines and the atonal mutterings of the crowd gathered behind us. But it didn’t take long for their emotional overflow to get on my nerves, which were stretched pretty thin.
I gave Lilly one more hug and a light kiss on the lips. “Guess I’d better get the troops in line before someone does something stupid.” I said and slipped out of my seat and half walked/half crawled back down the fuselage. Executive jets just aren’t designed for people over six one to stand upright in.
The loud muttering died away when they finally noticed I was on my way back and by the time I’d hunkered down in the aisle every mouth was closed and all eyes were locked on me.
Lucy, who with her brother, was seated to my left, reached out and put her hand on my shoulder.
I raised one hand, palm out, in a ‘hold on’ gesture.
“Is there anyone here who doesn’t understand English?” I asked loudly, raising my voice to be heard over the engines.
Lucy shook her head. “Everyone speaks English, we just prefer to use Chinese and Vietnamese…it keeps the gwailo confused.” she said with a grin.
“Gwailo? That would be me and Lilly, right?” Lucy nodded. “Figures. Well, it might have been a good laugh where you were, but where you’re going it’s only going to attract attention, and for a while that’s the last thing any of us need. I suggest all of you drop that habit right now. And you might want to think about cultivating a southern drawl…couldn’t hurt.”
“You don’t sound like a southerner.” Lucy pointed out. I smiled faintly.
“Dah-lin,”
I drawled, imitating the voice and tone of a congresswoman from
Lucy laughed brightly and clapped.
“That’s amazing! It didn’t sound anything like you. How do you do that?”
“I have no idea; it’s just something I can do. Anyway, back to the business at hand.”
I linked with the lot, excluding Lam Fan, and rapidly slapped rings into each of them.
“Listen up folks. The NSA, the Justice Department and very probably the FBI now know all about Lucy’s extra curricular activities. They didn’t know who or where she was until yesterday, but they do now. That’s my fault, and it’s why I destroyed your office building and why you all have to disappear. As of now, for all intents and purposes, all of you are dead. Your families and friends have to believe you’re dead, so no one…and I do mean no one…calls home, tries to make contact with anyone you knew who isn’t currently on this plane or goes back to the west coast for any reason. I will fix it so that each of you gets a new identity, a new past and a new life. Think of it like being in the Witness Protection Program, just like in the movies, because that’s what’s happening. Your main function from now on is to protect and support Lucy. Beyond that I have one hard and fast rule…no one says anything to anybody about what you’ve seen me do or what you think you’ve seen me do. Are we very clear?”
The rest of the speech was pretty standard: obey any orders I gave them, be on the lookout for information relating to me or my family…and so on and so forth.
When I was satisfied with their reactions I cut the links and turned to Lucy.
“I’ve been giving some thought to what we discussed before and I’ve decided to change the plan…just a little. We’ll still create our little think tank, but in the mean time I think the best place to hide you and your people will be right out in plain sight. How would you like to be a section chief in the NSA?”
Her eyes grew wide. “Can you do that?”
I smiled coldly. “It’ll take a few days to arrange, but yeah, I can do that. Once the FBI creates new identities and backgrounds for everyone and fakes the SCI checks, I’ll have a talk with Marcus.” Lucy gave me a blank look. “Marcus is the Director of the NSA. Once we get you and your team in place I’m going to give you all the data I’ve gathered on Carlos Negron and the very first thing I want you to do is find his family. Every damn one of them, no matter who or where they are.”
Lucy nodded her understanding.
“Okay…now, one at a time, introduce me to your people. You and I are going to collect all their personal documents and identification and get a brief life history from each one.”
“What for?”
“The documents and ID have to be destroyed to protect your new identities and I’ll need the information in order to build them.”
“I didn’t know the CIA did that kind of thing.”
“We don’t. I’ve got people in the FBI who do.”
After we’d spoken with the two seated farthest to the back of the plane, Lucy tugged on my arm. I knelt down in the aisle and lowered my head.
“You’re not taking notes.” she said loudly in my ear.
I favored her with a half smile. “Sure I am…I’m just not writing anything down.” I tapped my temple with one finger. “It’s all up here.”
Lucy’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Just how good is your memory?”
My smile evaporated. “Too good.”
An hour and a half later I had a bag full of driver’s licenses, Social Security, business and membership cards and photographs in my hand and seventeen people’s lives burned into my memory.
Lucy returned to her seat beside her brother and I got up and made my way back to Lilly. Once I was seated I took the little scramble phone out and began entering alpha-numeric sequences.
“Internal Security.” came the immediate response.
“Eric, this is Dr. Blacktower.” I rattled off a list of things I wanted him to take care of.
“I’ll get right on it Doctor.”
“One last thing, Eric. In my top right desk drawer is a list of numbers. Contact the third number on that list. Tell the person who answers that I’m calling in a favor and to meet our plane when it lands with armored transport for twenty and a full crew. Make that very clear. A full crew. And tell them this isn’t just a favor, it’s a contract.”
“Right away sir.” he confirmed.
“Thank you Eric.”
I disconnected and immediately began a new sequence.
“Special Agent Skidmore.”
“Number Two, this is Dr. Blacktower.”
“Good evening sir. What can I do for you?”
“I’ve got twenty one people in need of the full Witness Protection treatment, seventeen immediately, four others to follow in about a week.” I said and began listing names, descriptions and IDs. “Don’t concern yourself with relocation; I’ll handle that. I also want all of them granted complete SCI background checks.”
“How high do you want them cleared?”
“Right up there with your esteemed Director.”
“These are your people sir?”
“They are.”
“Understood. I’ll get right on it.”
“How’s the security setup at
“We’re taking it in shifts sir, pairing up with your department’s people.”
“Any problems?”
There was a long pause.
“No security problems sir.”
I took a deep breath.
Neatly qualified Mr. Skidmore…very neatly qualified.
“Thank you Number Two.”
“Good evening sir.” and he hung up.
I put the gadget back in my coat pocket, reclined the chair-back slightly and closed my eyes.
Lilly snuggled up next to me.
“She’s very pretty.” Lilly said as she brushed her lips against my ear.
“Hmmm…huh? What?”
“Lucy. She’s very pretty.”
I exhaled slowly.
“You think so?” I countered.
“Don’t you?”
The corner of my mouth twitched as I fought to hold back a smile.
“Lilly, her brother is some kind of giant mutant kung-fu monk; she’s smaller than Peggy and dresses like a bad mix of catholic schoolgirls gone wild and damn near every major character in an Anne Rice vampire novel.”
“So you don’t think she’s pretty?”
“Lilly?”
“Yes?”
“Why don’t you just come out and say whatever it is that’s on your mind?”
Lilly rubbed her cheek along the outside of my bicep, dragging her skin over the soft leather and humming deep in her throat. I linked and drained away her gradually increasing store of lust and desire. I could feel her emotions shift when she stopped humming and started pouting.
“Lucy doesn’t want you.”
I opened my eyes and looked into Lilly’s upturned face.
“So?”
“You don’t find that interesting?”
“No, not really.”
“Well I do.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’ve gotten used to watching women drool over you, so it’s just kinda weird finding one who doesn’t.”
I looked down the aisle where Lucy had pulled her legs up beneath the rest of her body and was leaning against her brother. One of Lam Fan’s enormous hands was gently caressing her flame red hair.
“Maybe I’m not her type.” I suggested.
“You didn’t hear what she told me when you came walking out of that fog bank.”
“Do I want to?”
Lilly chuckled softly, shifted in her seat and rubbed her cheek against my shoulder. “She was very…impressed.”
“Yeah, well it isn’t every day you see someone walking around covered with fire.” I said.
“That’s not what impressed her.” Lilly laughed.
“Oh.” What else was there to say?
“Lucy?” I called out loudly.
The tiny little woman lifted her head from where it rested against her brother’s chest and looked in our direction.
I waved her over with my free hand. She hopped out of her seat and nearly skipped down the aisle to join Lilly and I.
I pried Lilly’s fingers off my arm, got out of my seat and stepped into the aisle.
“Have a seat; we’d like to talk with you for a bit.” I said. Lucy launched herself into the chair with a neatly executed hop-jump that reminded me of Peggy in one of her energetic moods.
I sat down in the aisle so that I was facing the two women and stretched my legs out, leaning back with both hands extended behind me.
“What’s up?” Lucy asked, looking from me to Lilly and back again.
“Lilly’s concerned by your lack of sexual interest in me.” I said.
Lilly looked flustered and embarrassed…she felt even more so…while Lucy just smiled impishly. She reached out and gave Lilly’s arm a reassuring pat.
“It’s nothing personal, really. From what I’ve seen,” and she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “he’s everything a girl could want in a man, and then some. But he’s just…well, he’s the Bai Long, you know?”
She turned her head and looked me in the eyes. “You’re the closest thing to an honest-to-god God I’m ever likely to meet in my life. That’s kind of intimidating.” Lucy turned back to Lilly. “Besides, I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. A girl could get burned to a crisp if she ever tried to come between you. Literally.”
Lilly blushed brightly and lowered her eyes.
I smiled slightly. “I could say the same about you and Lam.”
Lilly’s eyes came back up quickly, darting from Lucy and down the aisle towards her brother.
Lucy smiled prettily. “I didn’t think we’d be able to fool you.”
“Did you mother know?”
“Oh yeah…she knew alright. It’s one of the reasons we drifted so far apart towards the end of her life. Probably the biggest reason.”
“You and your brother?” Lilly muttered wonderingly.
“He’s a wonderful man, and I’d never have been able to do half the things I’ve done so far without him!” Lucy snapped defensively.
“Lucy, relax. Lilly’s not judging you or your brother. I think she was so preoccupied with your lack of reaction to me that she simply didn’t pick up on the signs like I did.”
“You don’t mind?” Lucy asked warily.
“Why do people keep asking me if I mind? You don’t need my permission or blessing.”
“You’re the Bai Long.” she replied, as if that explained everything.
Not to me it didn’t.
“Lucy…dragons are mythical creatures.”
“Myths are stories wrapped around fragments of truth. Who’s to say that the very first dragon wasn’t just a man with abilities like yours?”
Lilly grinned and wiggled her eyebrows at me. “Didn’t your grandfather compare you to some legendary Sioux hunter?”
“Lakhota.” I corrected.
“So what’s the difference between a legend and a myth?” Lilly pressed on, ignoring my interruption.
“Not a hell of a lot.” I conceded. Put in that context, I had to admit that they had a point. I just wasn’t very happy about being jabbed with it.
Lilly put her hand on Lucy’s shoulder. “Don’t worry; he gets like this from time to time. Ike doesn’t like being told that he’s not like other people.”
“Why should that trouble him? He’s not like other people.” Lucy radiated puzzled curiosity.
“You see it, I see it, Peggy and Izzy see it…even our children can see it, but not Ike. He still thinks he’s just a regular guy.”
I snorted my response to Lilly’s proclamation, still thinking about the myth/legend thing. I wanted to be either one of those about as much as I wanted to be a hero.
“Who are Peggy and Izzy?” Lucy inquired.
“My wives.” I replied absently, pulling my legs up and resting my chin on one knee.
Out of the corner of one eye I saw Lucy’s head swiveling side to side, from Lilly to me and back again.
“He said you were his wife.” the little woman said to Lilly.
Lilly smiled faintly. “I am.”
“But he just said…”
Lilly nodded. “The three of us share him.”
Lucy’s mouth dropped open. “Three wives?”
“We aren’t legally married, so I suppose it’s a little misleading to call us his wives. But that’s how we think of ourselves and how Ike thinks of us.”
“And you have two children? Are they yours or one of the others’?”
“Rose and AJ are mine, Belle is Izzy’s and Tink is Peggy’s.”
Lucy’s mouth worked open and shut like a fish. “Are any of them like…I mean do they…can they…?” She fumbled to bring her thoughts into spoken form.
“Are they like me?” I supplied lifting my head and folding my legs into a half lotus.
Lucy nodded.
“Hard to say; they’re all still very young. The girls are just about to turn seven, and AJ won’t be six till the summer. I didn’t discover my own ability until I was thirteen. But on the plus side, none of them look like I do. They’re all spitting images of their mothers; beautiful, cheerful, happy little trouble-makers with more intelligence and talent than any little kid should have.”
“You’re very proud of them, aren’t you?”
“Absolutely. When they were first born I spent a lot of time worrying. I wanted their lives to be happier than mine had been, I wanted them to turn out better than I did; smarter, more capable…better than me in every possible way. Watching them grow has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Seeing them become individuals, developing separate personalities and discovering their talents, all while remaining a tight knit little group. They never fail to impress and awe me. They’re my greatest accomplishment. I’ve done some terrible things in my life Lucy…one or two good things as well, but the four of them…they’re the real mark I’ll leave behind to show I was here, that I made a difference.”
Lucy looked down at her lap for a moment then turned back to Lilly.
“He’s very modest, isn’t he?”
Lilly wiped her eyes and smiled weakly.
“Yes. Ike worries that having as much power as he does might make him arrogant, so he works very hard at being modest and humble. It can be very annoying at times, but we love him anyway.”
“Lam had the same problem when he was younger. That’s why he became a monk, to learn humility.”
“People with power should be humble. Without humility, power inevitably leads to arrogance and abuse of that power.” I muttered.
Lucy nodded. “True, but even a good thing can be overdone. Too much humility leads to acceptance and then to inaction; an inability or unwillingness to use your power for the good of others. That is humility’s great weakness. Learning that is one reason why Lam eventually left the monastery.”
“You were the other?” Lilly asked.
Lucy blushed. “One of them. My brother found out what I was up to and decided I needed looking after. He didn’t trust anyone else to do it.”
I nodded. “I can sympathize. Looking after sisters can be a full time pain in the ass.”
Lilly gave me a sharp look, while Lucy’s was more calculated and appraising. I ignored Lilly’s implied criticism and pressed on with my questioning.
“So what exactly were you doing?”
Lucy’s expression went neutral, but her emotions were much more vocal and expressive.
“Hacking of course. I got into it at first on a dare in high school. These nerdy guys I knew said a girl could never be a hacker. Girls didn’t have technologically orientated minds, or some such drivel. I took it as a personal challenge and set out to prove to them that not only could I become a hacker, but that I could be a better hacker than any of them.”
“I’m guessing you won the dare.” I said with a smile.
“You better believe it.
It took six months of reading and studying and practicing, but half way
thru my senior year I’d hacked, raided and trashed each and every one of their
personal systems, the school’s system and even managed to break into a couple
of university nets. After two years in
college I’d cracked the entire state government, most of the high tech
companies in
Lucy’s face was calm and composed, but her emotions bubbled with pride and delight.
“Good times, huh?”
“Yeah. It’s hard to explain, even to myself, but the rush I got from a successful hack was better than drugs, better than sex…it was like I was…” she trailed off.
“Like a god among mortals?” I offered.
She shook her head and laughed. “Not really. I’m not quite that egotistical. More like a genius debating morons I think. Sure, there were probably people out there who were almost as good as me, but after high school it stopped being about showing off or competing with others. I just wanted to find out how good I really was, you know? Most of the time…it was just so damn easy! For the first few years there was nowhere I couldn’t go, no system that could keep me out, no data that was safe. And I guess knowing that kind of put a damper on the rush. It got to be too easy. I was getting better, but my competition wasn’t keeping up, and eventually I got bored with the whole damn thing. So when I graduated some friends and I started up White Dragon Security and went into the defense business. For a few years it was almost as much fun as hacking. Fending off attacks, developing defensive programs, offensive programs masquerading as defensive ones, making heaps of money saving companies from people just like me. Like I said, it was pretty cool for a while, but then I started getting bored again. There was no challenge.”
I nodded. “Then what?”
“I went back to hacking, but instead of just being satisfied with cracking the system’s defenses, I started actually looking at the information I found inside. I’d never paid much attention to the contents before. Some of the stuff I found was pretty mundane, kinda like reading a history book, lots of names and dates and places, but if you think of it all as stories it begins to make a lot more sense. I discovered people’s lives; the good and the bad. And some of what I found was pretty damn bad.
“So I started stashing their lives away. All the hardware we sent Thanh and his cousins after, that’s where all that data is stored. Anyhow, I figured some of it might come in handy one day. And it did. Three years ago I went after the FBI, the CIA, the Pentagon and the White House. When I cracked them, people started looking for me. For Lucifer, I mean. That’s when I started using some of the data I found. Getting people with secrets they didn’t want anyone to know about to help protect me and the company from being found out.”
“Like the cop in
“Yeah, just exactly like him. Haggarty. He’s got a thing for young boys. The sheriff in LA, he’s been moonlighting in the drug business. There are hundreds of others all over the country I’ve used to throw investigations off the scent.”
“If you were so well covered, how did Chorney end up putting me on your trail?”
Lucy shrugged. “I don’t know. After I cracked the NSA two years ago I stopped hitting government agencies altogether.”
“They told me that you tried but didn’t get in.”
Lucy responded with a wide grin. “They really ought to hire a new IS crew. It took me four months, but I did get in.”
I smiled in return. “Good for you. If you stopped hacking the government, who were you going after?”
“K-Street.”
Lilly frowned. “What’s K-Street?”
“Lobbyists.” I answered before Lucy could. “K-Street in DC is where some of the most powerful and influential law firms and lobbying groups are headquartered. Half the time it’s impossible to tell where one profession ends and the other begins.”
Lucy nodded in agreement. “People think politicians have all the power, but they’re wrong. Politicians make the laws, but the groups that supply them with money and perks have a hell of lot more power and influence than your average politician ever will.”
“You figured that if guys like Haggarty were useful, the K-Street crowd would be even better?”
“Makes sense, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I guess it does. How many did you get into?”
“Twenty two last year. I could have had even more, but some of the biggies started re-vamping their security in the summer, and our business started picking up about the same time, so I didn’t have as much time to spend.”
Power. In the end it always came back to power. Those without want some, those who have want more. The never ending struggle for control -- because ultimately that’s what human life is all about; control. Politics is the art of acquiring and applying power, and power is control. So Pol = Pwr = C. Simple algebra.
I always figured there had to be a reason why I disliked math so damn much.
I looked into Lucy’s eyes. “The more I think about it, the better I like the idea of putting a fox in charge of the hen house.”
The tiny woman’s mouth fell open just a little. “You were serious about that? You really want to put us into the NSA?”
I smiled. Lilly put her hand on Lucy’s shoulder and gave a light squeeze.
“Not just in, I’m seriously thinking about giving you the keys to the store.” I raised one hand lazily to wave off her impending protest. “I’m not going to make you the Director…that’s just an administrative function anyway. No, what I’m going to do is put you in charge of the actual work. You and your people are obviously smart enough to handle the job, and I’m sure that you’ll be able to figure out what you don’t already know.”
“Besides,” I muttered, “Marcus pissed me off, on top of which I’ve probably just pissed him off even worse. I’ll never be able to rely on the man or his organization again, so I don’t have much choice but to put my own people in charge.”
“How can you do that? I thought you worked for the CIA.”
I shook my head. “The CIA works for me.”
Lilly leaned over and whispered something into the smaller woman’s ear. Lucy’s jaw dropped.
“You did that? You made Senator Gottschalke retire?”
“Yup.”
“But…why?”
I lifted my eyes and allowed the flames to rise behind them. “The Senator believed she was more powerful than me. She thought she could make me do what she wanted. So I decided to prove just how…intemperate…that kind of thinking was.” I said coldly.
Lucy’s face went pale. “You could have killed her, couldn’t you?”
I nodded. “I could have. I won’t lie to you, I’ve killed others who thought they could control or manipulate me. A few I let live, but only because they wouldn’t have been as useful dead. But I don’t kill for fun. Never for fun. Death hurts, Lucy. Not just them, but me. Your mother understood that, I think. People like us, we can feel death. Death isn’t fun. It may be a necessary part of existence, but it isn’t fun, not when you have to feel it and keep on living.”
“How did you make her resign?” Curiosity was rapidly overtaking all her other emotions.
“The same way I got you and all your people to agree to do
what I want. Let’s be honest with one
another, okay? You didn’t want to leave
Lucy opened her mouth to deny what I’d just told her, but I held up my hand once again to cut her off.
“Remember who you’re talking to. I know how you felt. I’ll always know, just like your mother did. I don’t blame you, or them…in your place I’d probably feel the same way. The difference is I can change the way you all feel about me. And I did. You trust me now. All of you do. And you always will. I put that trust there. Some of it was already growing on its own, probably from seeing me destroy the building. I kept my word, and from little things like that trust builds. I took those burgeoning feelings, amped them, added to them and put the lot into all of you. You’re my people now.”
“You made us your slaves?”
“Not at all. You’re no different now than you were before Lilly and I showed up this morning. The only thing that’s changed is that you trust and believe me. You’ll help me because you feel it’s the right thing to do. You’ll protect me because you feel I’ll protect you. And you feel that way because it’s a real, honest feeling. I put a part of me into you. We’re connected, Lucy.”
Lucy eyed me skeptically. “All of us?”
“Every person on this plane.”
Lucy turned her head and looked imploringly at Lilly. My sweet little flower smiled and nodded. “Me too. And Izzy, and Peggy. We had to force the issue to get him tied to us, but believe me, you won’t regret it. Ike’s a good man…the best I’ve ever known.”
Lucy’s head swung back to glare at me.
“How do I know you won’t make me do something against my will?”
“Why would I do that? I went to a lot of trouble to arrange it so you could keep doing exactly what you want to. You still have free will, I didn’t take that away.”
“But how can I know that?” she demanded.
I shrugged. “Beats me. I’ll tell you what I think, based on what I’ve deduced about how I do what I do, but you’ll have to make up your own mind.” I leaned back a bit and collected my thoughts. “As best I can tell, the secret to taking free will is love. Absolute and unconditional love. Do you love me Lucy? Do you feel anything even remotely like love when you look at me?” She shook her head slowly. “I’ve done that before, I won’t deny it. This morning, all those men who showed up after I sent all of you to wait while I blew up the building? I did it to them. Made them love me absolutely. Then I marched them into the building and blew it up.”
Lucy’s face went deathly pale. “I didn’t see that. The fog came rolling in just as they arrived. I only saw the explosion and you coming out of the fog naked and on fire.”
I nodded absently. “That’s probably for the best then. If you didn’t see it, it’s a good bet the others didn’t either. They’ll sleep better not knowing. What I’m trying to tell you is that there’s a difference between people like all of you and those poor bastards who died. You don’t love me because I haven’t made you. I’m not going to make you feel anything you don’t want to…I can, but I won’t. They were a threat and, more importantly, they were necessary to create the explosion. I can kill those who love me because I made them. You don’t ever have to worry that I’ll kill you or your friends.”
“Why not?”
“Because, the only thing that would make me want to kill you would be if you betrayed me or my family…and none of you will ever do that.”
“You sound awfully sure of that.”
“Loyalty isn’t love. I have no moral qualms about instilling absolute loyalty in people. In my line of work it’s necessary more often than not.”
Lucy gazed at me thoughtfully for several seconds. “So there’s no way for me to really be sure you won’t kill us?”
I sighed and looked over at Lilly. She shrugged in return.
“Lucy…no. There’s no way. Either you’ll take my word for it or you won’t.”
The expression on the tiny woman’s face was stony, thoughtful, contemplative…utterly inscrutable. Her emotions were as still and calm as the surface of a mountain lake first thing in the morning. Then the waters began to bubble and swirl. Her stony expression fractured and a huge smile took shape.
“Okay then…I guess I’ll take your word for it.” she said with a childlike chortle.
Lucy hopped down, bent over and gave me a brief kiss on the left side of my face. “You really ought to lighten up a little bai long.”
She strutted her way back down the aisle to her brother’s welcoming smile. I got up and returned to my seat beside Lilly.
“ ‘Lighten up’ she says.” I muttered.
Lilly took hold of my arm and leaned in close. “She doesn’t know you like I do.”
“Do you think I need to lighten up?”
Lilly smothered a giggle by pressing her face against my arm. Then she peered up at me, a wicked glimmer in her eyes. “You lit me up pretty good last night.”
A slow grin fought its way past my frown. “You’re such a pig.”
The plane stopped over at Dallas-Fort Worth to refuel and we were back in the air in less than thirty five minutes. The remainder of the flight was quiet and subdued within the cabin. People slept or talked quietly with their seat mates. Lilly had fallen asleep, with a little assistance from me, not long after takeoff and I was trying to do the same when the little phone in my jacket pocket sounded off.
I fished it out and held it to my ear.
“Blacktower.”
“Doctor, this is Eric…we have a problem.”
I could feel the muscles in my back and shoulders tighten up.
“Let’s have it.”
“The crew you asked for arrived at the designated location ten minutes ago. I just got a call from them informing me that they aren’t the only ones there.”
Fuckin’ FAA and their goddamn flight plans, I thought to myself.
“What’s the damage Eric?”
“According to the individual I spoke with, a minimum of thirty regulars, one full tac team and at least three snipers.”
“Did they get ID’s?”
“Justice…AFT and FBI.”
“What’s the crew’s status?”
“They’re holding their ground inside our hanger, awaiting instructions. What should I tell them sir?” Eric sounded more frazzled than I’d ever heard him before. The man had been a combat controller in his pre-CIA incarnation, so I knew things had to be getting pretty hairy to rattle him.
“Tell them to sit tight and keep out of sight. We’ll be landing shortly. I want them surrounding the aircraft as soon as it taxis in. They’re to protect the cargo and get it to the safe house. I’ll deal with everything else.”
“Surround the aircraft and protect the cargo. I’ll relay that right away. Uhm…sir, there’s one more thing.”
There was a painful pause.
“Spit it out man. How much worse can things get?”
“Just seconds after I finished with the call from Andrews, Mrs. Blacktower got in touch with me.”
I felt a huge lump building in my chest.
“Which one?”
“Peggy.”
The lump grew larger and more abrasive. “Yes?”
“It’s not good sir, not good at all. She said to tell you that…that the doctors don’t think…you should hurry sir.”
I felt numb for a brief moment, and then the lump burst. Slow simmering anger began to build.
“Thank you Eric. I’ll see you at the hospital.”
“Yes sir.”
The connection went silent.
I sat back and tried to imagine what might happen, and what I could do to counter the un-foreseeable.
There have been, over the course of history, those who’ve advocated the game of chess as a way to teach and instill the concept of tactical thinking. Those people are short sighted and inordinately irrational. Chess is played on a limited field, with limited forces that have pre-set and un-changeable abilities (I don’t count pawns being able. If both players pay attention, make no mistakes and have a good enough memory, the game is no different from tic-tac-toe. The end result will always be a draw. I stopped playing chess at twenty two when I realized how pointless it was.
What I was facing at that moment wasn’t a chess match. It had a broader field, and multiple players
with multiple objectives and ambitions.
Some I was aware of, some I wasn’t.
None of them really knew me…at least I hoped they didn’t. But the inclusion of snipers changed things
rather drastically from my perspective. This
was going to be much more like what I’d faced in
There was no way I could afford to play by their rules, not this time. I’d told Lilly and my sister that our children would be fine, and I fully intended to keep that promise--no matter what.
I felt DC,
Who am I kidding? I welcomed the sea of emotions with open arms and began drawing them in the moment I knew they were there. I wanted it, needed it, depended on it; my ace in the hole.
The more emotions I drew in, the colder and sharper edged my thoughts became. Before long it became an effort to hold more than one line of thought for more than a few seconds.
And then there was only one thought. Round and round it went, twisting and looping back on itself, refusing to give way, pushing everything else into the dim recesses, growing and growing until it was all that there was.
Deep down, in the darkest part of my psyche, the part I’ve always been reluctant to acknowledge and accept, deep down at the very core of who I am, I craved the sensation of power that embodying negative emotions gave me. I wanted that power. I wanted to feel powerful, grander, greater…superior.
God-like.
The abuse, neglect and lack of affection I’d experienced as a child doubtless had a lot to do with engendering that desire in me. From my studies and work in psychology I also know that I’m not alone in having those feelings and desires. To some extent we all do. Some people compensate by acquiring wealth, some by achieving fame in one area or another, some thru physical accomplishments or in academics.
But I’m not like everyone else.
Everyone else wants to feel superior.
I am superior.
I didn’t ask to be, I
didn’t want to be, I never tried to be.
But I am. I fought it, denied it,
ignored and tried to hide it…but facts are facts.
I am superior.
Why should I have to
pretend to be something I’m not? What if
I don’t want to be Clark-fuckin’-Kent? Why should I have to make believe I’m less
than I am? Just so a few pathetic,
useless, short-sighted, dim-witted and powerless mortals won’t have to feel bad
about their pointless lives?
The temperature inside the cabin became stifling. Lilly woke up suddenly, wiped the sleep from her eyes and the sweat from her face then clutched her stomach and backed as far away from me as she could within the limited confines of her seat.
“Ike…” Her face contorted into a grimace and she doubled up, wrapping both arms tightly around her belly. “Ike…stop it! Whatever you’re doing, stop it right now!”
Fuck them! Who the hell do they think they are, telling
me where I can go, who I can talk to, what I can and can’t do? Who the hell do they think I am that I’d
allow it? Keep me from my children? Over their
dead bodies!
No, wait…better yet,
I’ll show them the light. Up close and
personal…harsh, bright, penetrating and hot as the fires of hell.
I want to listen as their tiny little worm bodies sizzle and pop, dry out
and go ‘poof’, devolving into a thin black line of ash and desiccated worm
shit.
“What the hell is going on back here?” a loud voice from the cockpit area behind our seats demanded. It sounded kinda like the co-pilot, but I was having trouble considering extraneous elements at that moment.
Lucy came rushing up the aisle with her brother, who was hunched over and moving much slower, following right behind.
“What is it? What’s happening?”
“I don’t know, but it isn’t good. He’s so angry...all I can feel from him is anger.”
“Well do something!” Lucy exclaimed. “If he starts flaming in here we’re dead meat.”
Lilly looked trapped and confused. She was afraid. More than afraid, she was terrified. Ignoring her fear, and the physical pain I was causing her thru our personal link, Lilly reached out with both hands, one firmly on either side of my face and forced me to look her in the eyes. And then, somehow, she smiled.
I can never hope to describe the kind of internal pressure millions of emotions, mostly negative, have on my mind and body. You couldn’t possibly understand. No one could. The way they torment and torture my thoughts, the way they have of freeing a lifetime of ethical restraints and inhibitions. Irresistible. Totally irresistible. No one person should have that much power at their command. The freedom it represents is so tantalizing, so seductive…anything you want, anything you can imagine or dream can be had. Anything.
Irresistible.
Lilly smiled.
Slowly at first, with more than a hint of trembling in her lips, but it didn’t take long for her to build up to one of her full fledged, blood boiling, lust inducing, cock-raising, stars-in-the-eyes smiles that I’d gladly kill or die for.
The anger I was feeling didn’t diminish one bit, but I could sense other thoughts and emotions returning; valiantly fighting to displace the one that had taken center stage. And as its hold weakened I found myself focusing more and more on those eyes and the starry depths behind them.
“Tell the captain to land this plane. I don’t care how he does it or what lies he has to tell, but he’s got to do it right fucking now!” Despite the harshness of her words, Lilly’s smile never lost its seductive brilliance or its gravitational attraction. I was completely entranced, drifting deeper into the beckoning depths of her nova filled eyes, bringing my anger right along with me.
I don’t know how long I spent there, lost in her eyes. Minutes, hours, eons…it was all the same to me. But the anger wouldn’t leave. It was actually growing stronger, but I didn’t feel as hot as I had.
“Do you love me baby?” she asked, her voice husky and low pitched.
I shot her a bolt of pure love. Not a spark, not a fragment or a sliver, but a bolt the thickness and length of my arm. Lilly’s entire body shivered, but instead of groaning, grunting, shrieking, orgasming and passing out her eyes became sharper and clearer; she licked her lips, blew me a kiss and the infectious power of her smile increased.
I lifted my arms, which seemed to weigh a ton each, and pulled her close.
“I won’t let them stop me.” I promised her. My tongue felt muzzy and the words didn’t seem to come out sounding quite the way I intended.
“Who? Who’s trying to stop you?”
“I won’t.” The tone, the words; they were harsh, coarse, terse and earnest.
Lilly let the question drop and just kept smiling. For my part, I allowed myself to drift aimlessly among her ocular galaxies.
The jarring impact of the landing gear hitting the runway caught me completely by surprise and I briefly lost my focus, which caused an immediate upsurge in the cabin’s temperature.
Lilly reacted quickly, twisting her hands tightly in the hair on either side of my head. Then she climbed on top of me, straddled my lap, pressed her chest and hips against me and smashed her lips violently against mine.
I wrapped my arms tightly around her back and shoulders, holding on for all I was worth, forcing a torrent of love past the enormous bulk of anger and negativity that had taken up residence internally.
Several lifetimes passed with us in that awkward and uncomfortable position…at least it seemed that way to me. At that point I couldn’t have cared less how we must have looked to the other passengers, how much my lower back and shoulders ached, or how little blood was reaching my legs and feet. The stinging pain in my toes was a welcome relief, if only because I knew it was my own.
I had a sense of self once again. I wasn’t just an embodiment of foreign emotions, or the avatar of one of my own. Rationality returned…and while it wasn’t a pleasant trip back from the edge, it was a trip back.
So close. And so easy too. Thinking back, I find it hard to understand exactly why I didn’t jump over that edge. No thought or deliberation was necessary; it would have been a purely instinctual reaction to external stimuli. I should have gone over. I was more than ready; I was eager, willing and damn near out of control.
So what stopped me?
Lilly’s terror came blasting thru the anger like a white hot blade thru butter. I pulled it out of her, along with all the fear and panic I sensed from the other people on the plane.
There was also a ton of guilt. Lots of it; all mine and completely explicable. I had good reason to feel guilty. I was guilty.
So much power…and so little control.
I’d gotten cocky after only a few days with whatever LA had done to me. I was old enough to know better and if I didn’t find a way to get a grip on my enhanced ability, and soon, there was no telling how much unintentional damage I might cause.
Lilly pulled back and tugged sharply on the hair held tightly in her fists.
“What the hell’s wrong with you? You could have killed us!” She was done smiling. Based on her expression at that moment, I didn’t think she ever intended to smile at me again.
“Eric called. The children are getting worse and there’s a small army out there standing between us and them. They’re going to try and stop me Lilly.”
Her eyes narrowed and the corner of her lips curled up in a sneer.
“So what? Do you honestly believe there’s anyone out there you can’t handle? You’re the bai long; you’re Ike Blacktower goddamnit! And you fucking promised!” She clenched her fists and shook my head back and forth. “You promised!” she snarled thru clenched teeth, as fat tears fell from her beautiful brown eyes and rolled down her cheeks.
I was so ashamed of myself right then. For the second time in my life my own emotions had gotten the best of me. Some god I’d turned out to be.
Lilly’s face went from anger to despair to frantic fury in the space of a heartbeat and she yanked on my hair again.
“Don’t you dare, you bastard! You want to feel sorry for yourself that’s fine, but you do it later, on your own time. Right now you’re gonna get your narrow ass out of this fuckin’ chair, get rid of those morons outside and then we’re going straight to the hospital, do you hear me? Right this fuckin’ minute!”
I blinked once, nodded and stood up with Lilly still in my arms and slammed the top of my skull into the ceiling.
No one laughed. Good thing too, because I was in no mood to be laughed at. Lucy and her brother backed up and refused to look at me. Lilly extended her legs and released her hold on my hair. I set her down on her feet and lowered my arms to my sides.
“Wait here. I’ll be right back.” I said contritely.
“You damn well better.” she snapped.
I did an about face and moved to the hatchway, where the co-pilot waited.
“Sir?”
“Open it and stay out of sight.”
The man released the latch, swung the hatch open and backed away quickly.
I stepped forward out onto the ramp that automatically extended when the hatch opened, and stopped abruptly on the next to last step.