Second Thoughts and Last Chances
By
Latikia
Edited by
The Old Fart
Copyright © 2007,
2008
Chapter 19
The four of us were up before six; Izzy and Peggy helping Lilly finish her packing while I was in the shower. Breakfast was light, coffee and cinnamon rolls, the conversation even lighter. No heavy discussions, thank goodness, although I did pass on the list of presents I’d promised our daughters for their birthday. Izzy and Peggy promised to pick them up and hide them away where they couldn’t be found. I had some doubts about their ability to manage that.
“Better, I hope, than you hid your box of toys.” I smirked.
Izzy looked scandalized, Peggy tried to look innocent, and Lilly was busy pretending to be fascinated by the remains of the cinnamon roll in her hand. None of them could hide the flushing that coursed up their lovely necks and across their cheeks, or the embarrassment they were feeling.
I just grinned and sipped my coffee.
“What toys?” Peggy asked, her eyes flicking back and forth between Lilly and Izzy.
I waggled my eyebrows a bit. “The ones the girls found not so well hidden in Peggy’s room right about this time last year. They were hunting for their birthday presents and found the box. Tink asked me what they were.” I replied blandly.
“Oh hell.”
“What did you tell her Ike?” Lilly asked, still staring at her roll.
I took another sip of coffee. “You wouldn’t want me to lie, would you?”
Peggy glared daggers at me.
I shrugged. “Half of that stuff I couldn’t even begin to identify. We all know how innocent and naïve I am about that sort of thing.”
“Ike! What did you tell her?” Peggy demanded.
I smiled very widely. “I said they were probably some of your veterinary tools.”
Three loud ‘whooshes’ of air exploded from them.
I chuckled and finished my coffee. “You’re a cruel, cruel man Ike Blacktower.” Lilly said, her eyes sparkling.
I nodded. “I have my moments.”
The one bag I’d told Lilly she could bring turned into three. I decided not to say anything and even helped carry them out to the car.
“Hurry home.” Izzy said in my ear as I hugged her.
“As soon as we can. Absolutely no later than the thirteenth.” I promised.
“We’ll miss you.” Peggy told me when I picked her up and held her close.
“We’ll miss you too, squirt. Be good. And keep an eye out for trouble, okay?”
“I will.”
I squeezed her tight. “That’s my girl.”
There was a round of hugs, kisses and weepy farewells between the three women before I was able to pry Lilly free and put her in the car.
“By the way,” I called out before getting in behind the wheel, “Evan and Janis may be stopping by to talk with you two. Feel free to badmouth me as much as you like.”
Lilly and I drove off, heading for Anderson AFB and the CIA
executive jet that waited there to take us to
Do you have any idea how many schools there are in the state
of
They were all over the damn place. I’d given myself just under two weeks to find Lucifer and my plan for doing so was based exclusively on interviewing my way up the state, hitting roughly four or five schools a day until I got a solid lead. That meant a lot of driving, a lot of talking and a lot of discomfort and frustration for me. And poor Lilly was going to have to put up with me the entire time; alone and with out any of the support from Izzy and Peggy that she was used to.
So why, I wondered, was she so cheerful and upbeat? Granted, it had been eight years since we’d last spent much time alone together, the way we had in the hospital…if you can call that being alone, so maybe it was the prospect of our being alone together; no children, no Izzy or Peggy, no CIA or Congress; just me, Lilly, the California state educational system and, hopefully, Lucifer.
We spent the first day, or what was left of it, relaxing and
recovering from the long flight. There’d
been one stopover in Dallas-Fort Worth to refuel the plane, but apart from that
the trip was coast to coast. We landed
in
Dinner was interesting on a couple of levels.
First, I’ve never been very good in social situations; they make me exceedingly uncomfortable, because I stand out, which draws attention. Even after all these years I’ve never gotten used to the attention. I can handle people when I’m on the offensive, when I'm working. At times like that I’m in my element, secure in what I can and cannot do or say. Social events take me right out of that secure little world and leave me feeling uncertain and insecure.
And second, since 1995 I’ve been able to sense emotions without linking. The combination of the two only increases my discomfort.
Lilly picked up on this right off the bat and went out of her way to take the social obligations out of my hands. She dealt with the waiters and stewards, ordered for us, chose the wine, even directed our conversation to areas where she knew I felt at ease.
After I’d finished with my lobster bisque, and while Lilly was picking thru her caesar salad, I picked up my wine glass and lifted it towards the lovely woman sitting opposite me.
“A toast…to the most beautiful woman here tonight.”
Lilly’s head came up slowly and she looked around at the other tables.
“I mean you Lilly. The most beautiful, most thoughtful, most loving wife any man could wish for.”
Then she smiled. Slowly at first, very-very slowly. Apprehensive and unsure. I shot her a blast of admiration, appreciation and gratitude and her timid smile blossomed into an effusive, full lipped, soul searing smile that threatened to melt every bone in my body.
And feeling the love and affection she was emitting at that moment, I suddenly became aware of a significant surge in emotions all around us.
From the corner of my eyes I saw women turning their attention in our direction, from the very young to the elderly. Their bodies heated up, their passions and lusts became more obvious and intense, which in turn brought on increased irritation and aggravation levels in the men they were with. Until they noticed the woman I was with, and then their libidos kicked into hyper-drive. It wasn’t long before Lilly and I were sitting in the center of a torrential hormone storm.
Lilly reached out and put her hand over my own, closing her fingers tightly around mine.
“Is it always like this? When you’re out in public?”
“No, not usually. Mostly people react to me on a visceral level. This is different. I’ve never felt anything quite like this.”
“The women,” Lilly said from the corner of her mouth, as she glanced around, “some of them look like they’re ready to start drooling.”
“Yeah, well some of the men already are. And it’s not me they’re staring at.”
“You tease.” she laughed. “You sure know how to make an old broad feel good.”
I set down the wine glass, took her hand in mine, bent forward and kissed the knuckles of her hand.
“Sweetie, you’re not old, not by a damn sight. You’re younger, sexier and more desirable than any of these silicone sisters. And there’s no one here I’d rather have in my bed.”
Lilly blushed, flushed and smiled so brilliantly that half the blood in my body immediately set sail for my cock. I was hard as a rock in less than two seconds.
“Hold that thought.” she whispered across the table, gazing lovingly into my eyes. Stars began to sparkle in their depths.
“It’s not my thoughts that need holding.”
She chuckled lightly. “You’re such a pig.”
I nodded in agreement and shrugged.
“You’d better do something about all these people or we’ll never be able to finish our dinner in peace.”
“Okay, but just you remember; every emotion I take from them is going to be simmering inside me for the rest of the night. That’s a hell of a lot of lust for one man to hold inside.”
Lilly grinned evilly and licked her lips lasciviously. “You won’t have to hold it in too long.”
I returned her wicked grin with one of my own as I removed all traces of lust and passion from every other person in that restaurant. Then we finished our meal, hardly ever losing eye contact for more than a few seconds.
We returned to our suite, undressed, and I took a quick shower while Lilly removed her makeup. I hadn’t even noticed that she was wearing any. When I mentioned it to her, she simply smiled tolerantly before giving me a tongue teaser of a kiss.
I got out of the shower, threw on one of the hotel towel robes and was blow drying my hair as Lilly headed in to take her shower.
I sprawled out on top of the bed and tried to stay awake. I sat up, yanked the bedspread down and pulled a couple of the pillows next to me over, tucking them under my head and shoulders, then hiked myself up so that I was half leaning, half sitting back against the head board. I picked up the remote off the night table next to me, turned on the TV and started channel surfing.
Lilly came scurrying out of the bathroom wearing what looked like one of Peggy’s t-shirts, a sly smile and nothing else.
My attention was divided between the CNN news report and Lilly’s bare ass wiggling and twitching as she stood in front of the dresser and combed out her damp hair.
Decisions, decisions, decisions...
“Ike?” she said, turning slightly and looking coyly over her shoulder, the comb stopped half-way down the dark silky cascade of her hair.
“Hmmm?” I murmured, pretending to watch the newscaster. Lilly smiled knowingly and drew the comb the rest of the way down very slowly.
“I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, but this place must be costing a small fortune. How can we afford to stay here?”
“We aren’t paying for it…not directly anyway. Congress and the Agency are picking up the tab for this trip. They’re your tax dollars at work, so if you get an urge to splurge…” I left the rest unsaid.
“So, if I feel like calling room service and having them send up a couple bottles of champagne and some caviar, that’s okay?”
“If that’s what you want I’ll even make the call for you.” I said.
Lilly turned back to the dresser mirror, put her comb down, opened one of the middle drawers, bent over at the waist and began rummaging around.
The TV might as well have ceased to exist. My eyes were firmly locked on the image of Lilly’s naked behind; tight taut cheeks slightly spread, hairless outer vaginal lips plump and prominent, all bouncing and bobbing to the rhythm of a soundtrack only she could hear, and only I could feel.
“What if I’d rather have something else?” she asked, bending even farther over the open drawer, very nearly shoving her head inside.
I chuckled softly and quietly to myself, knowing that she could feel my growing interest and fascination.
“Anything you want, sweetie.” I told her.
“Yeah?” Her head came out of the drawer and her upper body contorted so that she could look over her shoulder while still aiming her naked backside at me.
I clicked the remote a couple of times, calling up VH-1, and reduced the volume so that I could just barely hear it.
“Yeah.”
“Would you like anything special?” she dutifully inquired, her smile approaching seduction wattage.
“No thanks. I’ve got everything I want right here.”
Bammm! Lilly’s smile went from bake to broil and I could feel the heat begin to build within me.
“Now don’t you go getting ideas. It’s late and we have to be up early.” she chided me as if I were one of the children.
I gave her a leering smirk.
“Don’t need to go get ideas…already got
a silo full. And it’s still early.” I picked up the digital alarm clock off the
night stand and showed it to her. “See,
only
She stood up slowly, turning around to face me as she did. Her firm breasts were kept motionless by the tight fabric of the overly tight t-shirt. The light pink cloth was ineffective though at hiding the dark outline of her rigidly erect nipples and engorged areola. With feline grace she put one foot directly in front of the other and stalked towards me.
“What kind of ideas?” she rasped, slinking closer and closer; her hips hypnotically swayed from side to side.
“The usual kind.” I replied easily, lifting my arms, putting my hands behind my head and locking the fingers together. I was amazed and fascinated, staring raptly as she moved closer; her entire body appeared to rotate around the epicenter of that sweet, succulent, enticing little belly button. I did my best to remain calm and act unaffected. I was faking it, and Lilly knew I was faking; and she knew that I knew. Hell, that’s the kind of mutual deception that makes the game worth playing. I could feel the delectable trembling in the muscles of her belly and legs along with the growing heat between her thighs as she perched herself on the bottom corner of the mattress next to my feet.
“Nothing in particular?” she asked, sounding a little breathless.
I smiled, linked and allowed her to taste my emerging desire and passion…as well as my unlimited approbation of her physical beauty and the enthralling rush I got from seeing her smile.
Lilly shuddered, causing her breasts to quiver enchantingly despite the cotton shirt’s firm grip. The feedback started. She felt me, I felt her, we felt each other and before long it was like looking into a series of mirrors…a long never ending tunnel of ourself.
“Don’t you dare knock me out again.” she snarled at me, her eyelids lowered gradually as the emotional loop kicked in.
“Not like that I won’t.” I agreed softly.
“Feeling cocky, are you?”
I let my smile turn into a wolfish grin.
Lilly blushed brightly, slid onto all fours and crawled up the mattress like a lioness on the hunt. She moved easily up over my feet, past my knees and lowered herself down between my sprawled thighs, running her hands up under the edges of the short hotel robe, pushing the material away from my hips. The warm breath from her flaring nostrils tickled the skin of my exposed cock which gave a minor spastic twitch in response. Lilly settled herself, pressing her breasts between my upper thighs, splaying her legs out full length behind her; she put the palm of her left hand on my hip and with the fingers of the right lifted my semi-flaccid member, gave me a wink, opened her mouth and engulfed the head.
“Ahhh…” I sighed loudly. So warm, so wet…the soft rasping of her tongue, the muscular flexing, caressing, the tenderness and obvious affection expressed in that elementary erotic act set my blood afire.
Lilly lowered her head, taking more of me into her mouth before tightening her lips and slowly pulling away gently at first then with greater suction and intensity; feeding off of my emotional and physical responses as she coaxed me to complete arousal. I did my best to maintain control over my body, not wanting to surrender too quickly. I wanted to savor every possible second.
“Okay,” I gasped, “we’ve pretty well established that I have a bottom fetish, but I feel equally safe in saying that you, my love, have a serious oral fetish.”
She slowed her efforts and shook her head, the swollen upper third of my shaft still trapped between her lips.
I groaned loudly, hitting my head against the headboard. Lilly chuckled, which, under the circumstances was an incredible sensation, and finally pulled off with a loud wet pop and smacked her lips.
“No…I have an Ike fetish.” she replied, gazing up at me with glowing, lust glazed eyes.
I fell in to those balmy brown orbs; basked in the love I found there and felt more comfortable and at home than I had in a long time.
“Have you ever considered that the reason you feel that way is because you don’t have a choice?”
She ducked her head, extended her tongue and with surgical precision removed the emerging bubble of pre-cum from the throbbing tip of my swaying shaft. Her tongue rolled back into her mouth and her lips closed into a pleased pucker and she moaned very softly. Her eyes closed and the pucker became a contented smile.
“You think maybe the only reason I want you is because you’ve made me want you, right?” her eyes still closed, her head tilted back and her throat exposed fully.
“Yes.”
Her eyes opened slowly and took their time re-focusing on mine.
“You still think of your abilities as something apart from you. They’re not, you know. No more than your skin, your hair or your dick.” Her hand gripped the base of my cock and gave it a firm squeeze. “The things you can do are part and parcel of who you are.”
Lilly sighed as softly as a dove; her breath was warm and as tantalizing as a summer breeze. “Look, I know there are other women out there who are going to lust after you; I’ve seen that for myself. And I know you can’t help it, because it’s all part of who you are. And I know that if you were even the least bit interested in any of them, you’d have done something about it by now. I know that kind of attention makes you uncomfortable. I’ve always known that. I got a really good taste of it tonight. But I understand the attraction; hell, I’ve been in lust from the first moment I set eyes on you. But what I didn’t do was throw myself at you like a bitch in heat. I waited and got to know you. Learned who you are, and gave you a chance to learn about me. And because I waited, because I didn’t give in to the itch between my legs, I discovered that beneath this unbelievably sexy exterior is one damn fine human being. Of course, finding that out hasn’t changed the fact that I still get hornier than hell when I’m around you for more than a few minutes. I love that you can make me feel like that, even after all these years.”
She understands who and what you are better than you do.
Apparently
so.
You should listen to her…once the blood starts running to your brain
again.
“You sweet talking devil.” I said with a crooked grin, sat up, slid my hands under Lilly’s armpits, pulled her up next to me and ground my lips against hers.
Lilly reached out with one arm, picked up the room’s remote and turned off the lights. Then we spent the next two hours unloading all those borrowed emotions.
Day 1: First on my list was the school closest to our hotel, which turned out to be Point Loma Nazarene University which was just a few miles south west, then it was north west on I-8 to Remington College and from there a few miles farther west to San Diego State.
At each school I followed pretty much the same routine; touch base with the highest ranking administrator available, get permission (or in some cases induce permission) to speak with the head of their computer science school and then start interviewing.
“Dr./Mr./Ms. so-and-so, are you at all familiar with the local hacker community?”
Most would lie at this point, either to impress me or deflect what they thought of as government interference. Actually, it was more of a sampling test question so I could get a feel for the individual.
“Have you ever heard of a hacker who goes by the name of ‘Lucifer’?”
If they had, I dug deeper, looking for direction, connections, hints, anything that might narrow my search.
My last question to each one was a little misleading, but it had more import than any of them might have imagined.
“Of all the computer security companies in
Lilly tagged along on the first day, and it didn’t take long before I could tell that she was getting bored out of her mind.
At dinner that night I suggested that she spend the next day on herself, at a spa or shopping or something that interested her, while I continued my search.
“Bored with me already?”
“Not at all. I enjoy the company of sexy women, especially women who smile the way you do. But let’s face it, what I’m doing here is boring and monotonous, even for me and I do this kind of thing all the time. It’s got to be ten times worse for you. There’s no reason for both of us to suffer, so go have a little fun. You’ll be in a better mood, which will put me in a better mood. When was the last time you got to spend a day doing what you wanted to without worrying about the kids, or Izzy and Peggy…or me for that matter? You deserve some time just for you.”
Lilly smiled prettily, jumped into my lap and smothered me with kisses and promises that had me blushing in short order.
Day 2: I left Lilly
in the lobby of the Hilton with three thousand dollars in cash and all her
credit cards. I drove off to the
Surprisingly, I had very little trouble with any of the
schools in the
When I arrived back at the Hotel that evening I found Lilly sitting in the living room area, huddled up on the chaise lounge.
No sooner had I closed the door then she was up like a shot, raced across the room and threw her arms around me, squeezing my ribs like a vice.
“Hey, sweetie what’s wrong?”
“Some man’s been following me around all day. I went to the spa the Hotel recommended and this guy was there. When I left and went to Sea World, he was there every time I turned around. I went to the Yacht Club for lunch and he was there too. It scared me so bad I came right back here. I’ve been afraid to set foot outside.”
She was scared alright. And that scared me. Worse than that, it pissed me off something fierce. Was this Alex Chorney’s doing, or could it be something totally unrelated? What were the odds either way? Hell, I didn’t know…I’m not a numbers kind of guy. In either case, it didn’t matter who or why.
I picked Lilly up and carried her back to the living room and sat down on the couch. Lilly sat on my lap, her arms still tight around my chest.
“So much for spending time on your own.” I muttered.
“I’m sorry Ike. Maybe I over-reacted. All that mess with Izzy…I guess it got to me more than I thought.”
“Lilly, I doubt that you over-reacted at all. You’re one of the most level headed people I know. Just let me know if you see this man again, okay?”
“Okay.”
I held her in my arms, sending little bursts of calming
reassurance every few minutes while I had her give me as complete a description
as she could, until she fell asleep from a combination of nerves and emotional
exhaustion. I carried her into the
bedroom, undressed her and tucked her in.
Then I spent half an hour going over the results of my two day search in
I remember almost everything I’ve ever seen, heard or read. One of the only exceptions I know of are my dreams. The ones I have where I’m talking to myself, my darkness, those I remember vividly, as if each one were an event I’d lived thru. As far as I’m aware, I’ve never had a wet dream, never dreamed of flying, running, or drowning; none of the kinds of dreams my patients have described to me, nothing remotely like what my kids or my girls have related to me over breakfast. The closest I’d ever come were the years I spent reliving Carlie’s death, and the one dream I had where Izzy was killed…but I’m fairly certain that one was my darkness’ first effort at communicating with me one to one.
Until that night. That night I had a dream; the kind of dream I’d heard about but never experienced myself. And I remembered every moment of it.
There was no sound, none at all. Lilly and I were on a beach. The sky was dark and gray, heavy with low hanging clouds that foretold stormy weather in the very near future. We stood there, side by side, as the cold, boiling waves behind us charged up the sandy beach to lap around our ankles. I couldn’t hear the water splashing behind us, couldn’t hear the wind that whipped at my face and caused my hair to lash about like a ribbon on a pole. I put out my left arm, lay it across Lilly’s shoulders, pulling her close. She turned her head towards me and I saw the same kind of sadness in her warm brown eyes that I’d once seen in my sister’s, the day of our mother’s funeral. I tried to ask what was wrong, but words wouldn’t form. I could feel my mouth moving, feel my tongue brush against the edges of my teeth, but no sound emerged. Tears gathered in Lilly’s eyes, and when the weight became too much they began falling heavily upon her cheeks. Before us stood four small rectangular holes dug in the wet sand, open and empty, they were cavernous maws of endless darkness that reeked of despair. Loss, grief, guilt, sorrow and sadness filled Lilly’s heart the way the tears had filled her eyes, and when her heart was as full as it could be, the emotions burst out, lancing between us, to pierce my heart. The cold water swirling around our feet receded momentarily and I realized that I wasn’t wearing shoes or socks. My toes dug into the smooth, packed sand, burrowing deeper, seeking after the earth below.
Don’t a voice whispered in my head. It wasn’t a sound, it wasn’t even really a word…it was more of a feeling that echoed thru my thoughts.
The anguish overflow I was getting from Lilly continued to fill my heart, my soul, my brain and my body. Not a space between the molecules that made me was left unfilled, and yet the feelings kept coming. I was more than swollen with an excess of emotion, I was engorged. The pain of it, the sense of loss, the guilt, the utter unbearable sadness, initially I recognized them for what they were…not mine. But the longer I held them within, the harder it became to differentiate between those foreign feelings and the ones they generated that were mine. External loss became internal anger, external grief…internal rage, guilt…fury, and sadness…frenzied determination.
I was more than full, more than overloaded, beyond bursting. It was like filling your mouth with more liquid than you could ever possibly swallow, but not being able to spit it out. There was no choice but to try and swallow.
But I had a choice…there was another option. I linked with the earth below me.
Don’t the voice whispered once more.
I didn’t want to hold those feelings any longer. I knew, in my bones I knew, what would happen to me if I held them. I’m not afraid of much, but the thought of that happening scared the daylights out of me.
Don’t! the voice roared, the power of it’s command like nothing I’d ever known.
I resisted the impulse and broke the link. I held the emotions, though it felt as if I were splitting at the seams, as if my emotions were leaking out my ears, my nose, out my pores and every other orifice I possessed.
Flames obscured my vision; ice encased my feet as the waves lapped around my ankles. I was torn between extremes of hot and cold, rage and fury, discovery and loss.
Lilly put a hand on my shoulder, her face turned inland, her free arm pointed in the direction of her gaze.
My eyes, the flames blazing in and around them like bonfires, lifted and stared in the direction she pointed.
A car pulled up to the beach, not more than fifty yards from where we stood, and two men emerged from within.
Shadowy figures, not well lit, but clearly human. One held a pistol, the other a shotgun.
Fear. Lilly filled with fear. Her fear spawned my hatred. One emotional drop more than I could ever hope to hold.
I tightened my lips, swallowed and the world around us shattered into a million pieces.