Second That Emotion

Second Thoughts and Last Chances

Latikia

Edited by

The Old Fart

Chapter 10

I went downstairs and sat down on the couch in the living room, leaned my head back and tried to ignore the ache in the center of my face.

What the hell am I going to do? I wondered. There’s no way to keep them from knowing what I’m feeling now.

There was no way for them to keep you from knowing what they were feeling, was there?

Maybe not, but I never made a habit of looking. I don’t like the idea of anyone having constant access to my feelings.

But you do. Why shouldn’t they?

You think I want them to have to deal with you all the time? Besides, I liked being special…unique.

Peggy can do pretty much everything you can. You aren’t all that unique.

Well, that much was true. But I still didn’t like it.

Who said you had to like it? You just have to learn to live with it. No one made you tie yourself to them. You did that all on your own.

Like I had a lot of choice in the matter.

That’s a cop-out and you know it. You could have said no. Hell, you probably could have just destroyed their little three-way bond. But deep down you’re afraid of losing them.

Was that why I’d given in? Was I really that afraid of being alone again? Or was there something else; something more primal…more elemental…going on?

Ever think that maybe…just maybe…you couldn’t stand the idea of them being with someone else? And maybe…just maybe…this was the only way to be sure that they’d never leave you for anyone else?

…hmmmm…

If that were the case, why was I still feeling jealous and hurt? Why didn’t I feel any better about what I’d done?

Possibly because you allowed them to manipulate you into doing something you swore you’d never do.

Why did I finally agree? Why hadn’t I been willing to do it before now?

Fear.

Fear of what?

Loss. Pain. Suffering.

Carlie. I was afraid of having to go thru the agony I’d experienced at losing Carlie, times three.

Kinda stands to reason, doesn’t it? The only person in your life you ever fully committed to, and look what losing her did to you. Why wouldn’t you be afraid of that happening again?

But now I was about as fully committed as a person could ever be, and there was no way I was going to be able to escape…

Unless…

You wish. Her death didn’t kill you so it’s not very likely theirs will either. What’s more likely to happen now is that when one of them dies the other two will follow quickly and you…you’ll take a dive off the deep end and become a raving lunatic. And who knows what the hell will happen after that?

Great…just absolutely fuckin’ great!

This ‘god’ thing is becoming more of a pain in the ass than it’s worth.

What in the world ever made you think that being a god would solve all your problems? Or any of them?

Wishful thinking on my part, I suppose.

Damn straight.

Then what’s the upside? Is there an upside?

Beats the hell out of me. Try asking the next god you run into. Maybe they’ll have some good news for you…unless, of course, you start off the meeting by turning ‘em into a pile of ash.

Fat lot of help you are!

“Daddy?” a small whispery voice intruded on my inner musings.

I sat up and looked around. Off to the left side of the couch’s arm AJ and Tink stood together, hand in hand.

I glanced over at the clock on the fireplace mantel. Ten minutes after eleven.

I looked back at my two smallest children, Tink in royal blue winter PJ’s and AJ in his yellow Doctor Denton’s. “Hey guys, how come you aren’t in bed?”

The pair walked around between the couch and the long coffee table to stand next to my leg.

“What happened to your nose?” my son asked me, pointing with his free hand.

I sighed softly, breathing thru my mouth.

“It got broken.” I replied.

“You look like a raccoon.” AJ laughed.

“Thanks very much. I just knew you’d like it.”

“Does it hurt Daddy?” Tink asked.

I nodded. “Yeah sweetie, it hurts a lot. But it’ll be better in a few days. Now, how come you two munchkins aren’t in bed asleep? It’s way past your bedtime.”

AJ shifted slightly, pulling Tink around so that she stood just a bit behind him. “We saw you carry Aunt Izzy into your room.” he said.

Uh-oh.

I nodded. “And…?”

Tink giggled and AJ grinned.

“You were naked again.” my son said, as if that explained everything.

“And your face was all bloody.” Tink added helpfully.

I nodded my head again. “Yeah…well, my face was bloody because your Aunt Isabeau kicked me and broke my nose. She didn’t mean to, but sometimes things like that happen.”

“Another ass-a-dent?” AJ struggled to get out the unfamiliar word.

“Yeah. It’s been a bad week for accidents.” I agreed.

“How come Aunt Izzy kicked your nose?” Tink wanted to know.

“And how come you were naked?” AJ persisted, accompanied by Tink’s bell-like giggling.

“I don’t know if I can explain what happened well enough for you to understand. It’s kind of a grown-up thing.”

“You mean like kissing and stuff?”

“Not exactly like that, but kinda.” I had to laugh at the smug looks the pair of them gave me, as if to say ‘sure, old-timer…we know what you really mean’.

“Uhmmm,” I began brilliantly, shifting over on the couch and patting the open area to my left, “remember the other day when we talked about how I could tell what you guys were feeling?”

“Uh-huh.” they chorused while climbing up onto the couch next to me. AJ made very sure he stayed between his sister and I, which struck me at the time as kind of peculiar, but I set the nagging sensation aside in favor of concentrating on my explanation.

“And you know I’m a doctor and that I help people who have trouble with their feelings, right?”

They nodded their heads in agreement.

“Okay then…your Aunt Isabeau has had a problem with some of her feelings for a very long time now and I was trying to help her. This is kinda hard to explain, even to grownups.” I muttered.

“I understand Daddy.” Tink told me.

“Me too.” AJ agreed.

“Do you?” I wondered aloud.

“Sure…you felt Auntie Izzy’s bad feelings and pulled them out.” my tiny daughter said.

I gaped at my children, speechless for several seconds.

“Yes…that’s right. That’s almost exactly right.”

“Did it hurt her, when you pulled the bad feelings out?” AJ asked.

“Yeah, it hurt her a lot.”

“And ‘cause it hurt she kicked your nose?”

I nodded. Damn, I needed to stop underestimating the intelligence of my children as much as I needed to control my temper.

“So how come you were naked?” Tink piped up.

I took a deep breath thru my open mouth.

“Okay guys, this part has got to be a secret. No one outside the family can ever know what I’m gonna tell you. Do you think you can keep a secret that big?”

“We promise. We won’t tell anyone, right Tink?” AJ turned to look at his older sister.

Tink flashed her fingers over her chest and kissed her little finger. I didn’t recognize the gesture, but I guessed that it had some sort of serious significance in the pre-teen world.

“Alright. When I get angry…I mean really, really mad…I catch fire and my clothes burn up. It’s all connected with being able to tell what people are feeling. I don’t know why I’m able to do things like that, but that’s why I’ve been naked so many times in the past couple of days.”

They were very quiet for several seconds. Then…

“Cool!” AJ exclaimed.

“Yeah! Can we see you catch fire?” Tink asked, bouncing up and down with barely contained enthusiasm. Definitely her mother’s daughter.

“Yeah Daddy…can we…please?”

I smiled at them, pleased that they were at least willing to consider the possibility that I was telling the truth. Thank goodness for the open mindedness of little children.

“You want me to get angry?”

“Pleeeeeezzzze?!” they begged with their sad little puppy dog expressions.

“You have no idea how much this week is costing me in clothes.” I groused.

I got up and headed for the front door. I stopped suddenly and turned around to face the two little people who were following at my heels.

“Tell you what…why don’t you guys go get your sisters and that way I won’t have to do this a second time just for them. It’s really cold out, so you can all watch from the window in here. I don’t want you getting sick…your mothers would never forgive me.”

“Okay Daddy.” Tink said, pulling AJ by the hand towards the stairs.

I stood there in the living room looking down at the old comfortable pair of jeans I had on and shook my head. At this rate I wouldn’t have a single pair left to my name.

What the hell are you thinking?

I’m thinking that its better they learn about me from me and not by stumbling unawares onto the truth. Less chance of them being terrified this way. I don’t want my children to be afraid of me.

A little fear might not be a bad thing, especially as they get older.

I’d rather have their respect. And to get respect, you have to have trust. I’m showing that I trust them.

My four children came rushing back down the hall, with AJ in front leading the way. They came to a clustered halt a few steps away, eager looks of anticipation on each wide-eyed little face.

“Are you really gonna catch on fire Daddy?” Rosie asked in an excited, partially hushed voice.

“You’ll see. Go stand by one of the living room windows. I’m going to go outside to do this, because I don’t want to scare you and I don’t want to set the house on fire. When I’m done I’ll answer any questions you have…and then it’s back to bed, okay?”

Their four heads bounced up and down, like animated bobble head dolls and then they charged past me into the living room and took up positions by one of the big bay windows. Tink and AJ stood in front and on tip-toe so they could see out, with Belle and Rosie towering over them from behind.

I unlocked the front door and stepped out into the cold night air, closing the heavy door behind me. The ice cold steps sent chills up my shins as I carefully made my way down off the porch and into the knee high drifts that blanketed the front lawn. I picked a spot in front of the window with the four little faces pressed against the panes of glass and took a deep breath.

Looking inside myself I located the residual anger and hurt I’d been feeling earlier when dealing with their mothers, locked on the lingering emotions and began slowly amplifying, looping and amplifying, over and over and over, until I felt my body start to heat up. The red haze fell across my eyes and flames began to tickle my lashes and eyebrows. Round and round the emotions went, getting stronger and more aggravating. My blood began to race thru my body, my muscles felt like they were swelling and my bones were growing heavier…I smelled smoke.

The snow around my legs turned to water and then to steam, rising up around me like a fog. As the snow retreated from my body in an ever widening circle, the damp dead grass dried out and burst into flame and turned to ash, leaving parched dirt beneath my feet.

I quickly linked with the earth and poured the smoldering emotions down deep, letting go of the anger and hurt and sending my lingering resentment along with them. The haze faded away from my eyes and I cut the link.

I looked over at the window and saw four awed faces and eight saucer sized eyes staring back at me.

As the flames receded and my body temperature returned to normal I became uncomfortably aware of the cold wind blowing against my bare skin as a legion of goosebumps sprang to attention all over my exposed and unprotected body.

I quick stepped thru the snow, up the porch steps and hurried inside the house, shutting and locking the front door behind me.

Poking my head around the corner into the living room I saw the kids huddled together in front of the window, listening intently to something that Belle was saying.

“Hey, guys? I’ll be right back. I’m going to grab a robe…its cold out there.” I said quickly, and then trotted down the hall and up the stairs.

The girls were still fast asleep and hadn’t moved an inch out of position. I grabbed my thickest, heaviest, longest robe, pulled it on and cinched the belt tight around my waist before heading back down to the living room.

As I came into the barely lit room, moving quietly as usual, I saw AJ, who had his back to the window, look up, give a sudden shudder, hunch his shoulders and push thru his still chatting sisters to confront me. He looked like he wanted to growl but wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.

I looked down at my little five year old son and had an unwelcome flash of insight.

I got down on one knee so that we were closer to the same height, even though I still towered over him, and bent my neck so that my head was closer to his.

“It’s okay AJ. I’m not going to hurt your sisters or you. I promise.” I said gently.

He didn’t look all that convinced, but his aggressive posture did relax a little. I reached out, picked him up with both hands and carried him over to the couch, sat down and balanced my son on my right leg.

“Okay…so you all got to see daddy on fire, right?” I asked softly.

The girls came away from the window, circled the coffee table and hopped up onto the couch.

“That was so cool!” Rosie gushed with a grin.

“Do you only do that when you get mad Daddy?” Belle asked.

“I have to be really, really angry, yes.”

“Were you mad at me and Tink ‘cause we weren’t in bed?” AJ asked. Tink’s eyes got very big. When my son noticed his sister’s reaction to his question he immediately hopped off my leg and hurried over to where she was sitting and took her hand in his. AJ glared at me as if Tink’s anxiety were my doing. Which I guess, in a way, it was.

I examined their faces closely for a few moments, mixed emotions bubbling around within me. I shook my head.

“No. I wasn’t mad at you and Tink. I’ve never been that angry with any of you, ever.” I assured them.

“You’re mad at our moms.” Tink said suddenly.

I blinked.

Damn, this was one smart and perceptive little girl.

I blinked again, even slower than the last time…then gave my tiny daughter a big grin.

“How did you get so smart Tink? I can’t get over what a big brain you’ve got stashed away in that pretty little head of yours…it’s amazing!”

Tink preened and puffed up; smiling at me, her sisters and her brother for all she was worth. She might not have let on that her smaller size bothered her, but I knew better. Actually, for her age, she wasn’t that small, but relative to her sisters…

“I’m right aren’t I Daddy?” she giggled and clutched AJ’s hand between her own.

“Yes you are sweetie.”

“All of them?” Rosie asked.

I sighed and leaned back, sliding my legs out in front of me.

“Remember the other day when I told you that grown-ups are just the same as kids?”

All their heads bobbed up and down.

“Grown-ups aren’t good all the time, any more than kids are. And, sometimes…not very often, but sometimes…your moms do something that makes me angry. The past couple of days…well, let’s just say they made me very, very angry.”

“Were they bad?” AJ asked.

“Kind of. They did something that hurt me a lot.”

“Worse than breaking your nose?” AJ asked in hushed tones.

“Even worse than that.”

“You should spank them if they were bad.” Belle suggested helpfully.

“Yeah, our mom spanks us when we’re bad.” Rosie added.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I don’t know guys…spanking doesn’t work as well with grown-ups as it does with kids.” I lowered my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Some of them even like getting spanked.”

The looks on their faces told me that there was no way they were going to swallow that story.

“Do you still love our mom?” AJ asked.

“Sure I do. I love all your moms. Just because I’m angry doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving them, any more than I’d stop loving you guys if you made me mad. It’ll take a little time, but I’ll get over it. I won’t be mad forever.”

All four looked relieved.

“Does it hurt when you’re on fire?” Belle asked me, changing the subject.

“It hurts inside…anytime I’m angry or mad it hurts inside…but on the outside, no. But I do keep burning up my clothes and that doesn’t make me any too happy.”

“How come the fire doesn’t burn you Daddy?” Rosie’s expression was a mix of puzzlement and exhaustion, and then she yawned widely.

“I don’t know why honey. There are times when I wish I knew the answer, but mostly I’m just glad that it doesn’t.”

There appeared to be a lull in the questioning and I was about ready to send them all back to bed, when AJ piped up.

“Belle told us you let her feel how much you love her.” It wasn’t so much a question as a statement, but I recognized it for what it really was…a request.

I smiled warmly at my kids. “Yes. I did do that. I take it you’d all like to know how it feels.”

Grins, smiles, yawns and lots of head bobbing answered me back.

“Okay…but then it’s off to bed. You need your rest…and so do I.”

I established links with all four of them and very gently allowed individual streams of emotion to trickle down to each one. Belle smiled brightly back at me as she hugged herself. Rosie’s smile faded away and her exhaustion was quickly replaced with a look of wonder.

“Wow! Pretty!” she gasped softly.

Tink and AJ, still tightly holding hands, were gaping at one another then turned their heads towards me at the same time.

“What do you think?” I asked.

The four of them moved so fast I never had a chance to dodge or defend myself. I was swarmed under and in the process of being hugged to death when a trio of throats being cleared brought the onslaught to a halt.

I had my arms full; two squirming, wiggling rug rats held tightly on each side of my body. So I tilted my head backwards over the top of the couch and beheld an inverted view of my wives staring down at me.

Isabeau blanched when she got a look at my face, but apart from that the three of them just looked a little bit pissed.

“Uh-oh guys…it’s the bedtime police.” I said in a stage whisper.

“Why are you wrestling around with the children when it’s past their bedtime?” Lilly asked me after a short interval.

I gave the four wiggling bundles in my arms a quick squeeze. They squealed with delight and renewed their happy assault, secure in the knowledge that Daddy would protect them from their mothers’ wrath.

“Love doesn’t care about bedtimes.” I told their mothers.

“Yeah!” the four wigglers crawling over me cried out.

“Mommies care.” Peggy announced with a slight scowl.

I tightened my grip around the kids and powered up to my feet with a jerk, causing piercing shrieks of delight that nearly deafened me. I swung around so that we were all facing one another; four squealing little kids dangling from my arms like prizes I’d won at the State Fair.

“Daddy doesn’t.” I replied firmly, staring down the three women on the other side of the couch.

There was a long pause and the kids quieted down, their eyes moving from their mothers to me and back. The mommies blinked first, seeing the determination on my face.

“However, we did have a deal, right guys?”

“Yes Daddy.” they all agreed.

I set them down on the couch, and then, one by one, they held out their arms to me. I bent down and got a hug and kiss from each of my children.

“Thank you Daddy.” Belle whispered in my ear.

“My pleasure darlin’.” I told her as I returned her hug.

“I love you Daddy.” Rosie said, faint traces of moisture in her eyes.

“I know, honey. I love you too.”

She giggled. “I know.”

Tink held her arms out to me, but before I did anything I looked to AJ. He nodded his head ever so slightly, but there was still a wary look in his eyes.

I bent down and scooped Tink up in my arms. She pulled tight against me as her little arms squeezed my neck.

“You really are special, aren’t you?” she asked, her tone reminded me of how her mother’s voice could go from impish little girl to mature woman in less than the blink of an eye.

“Nowhere near a special as you Tink. I’m so proud of you.” I told her and squeezed right back. I set her down next to AJ who was frowning at me…little thunder cloud was on a comeback tour.

“And you, little man…” I bent at the waist and put my forehead against my son’s. “Stop scowling at me, would you?” I spoke quietly, so that only he and I could hear what I was saying. “They’re my little girls. They’ll always be my little girls. I’m their Dad, you know? I’m not going to hurt them and I’m not trying to take them away from you…understand me?”

AJ’s eyes met my own; he didn’t blink, didn’t flinch and didn’t back down, not one little bit. “Alright.” he said.

And then the five year old in him broke free and he grinned widely. “That fire thing was so cool!” He threw his arms around my neck and gave me a hug. “I love you Daddy.”

“I love you too AJ.” I whispered, tears in my eyes. I hadn’t realized, until that moment, just how quickly the affection I’d grown accustomed to from my little boy could be lost. How many other fathers over the ages had come to the same realization…and how many of them had realized it the way I just had?

AJ released my neck and I stood up. “Okay now, a deal is a deal; everybody back to bed.”

“‘Nite Daddy!” “Good ‘nite…love you!” “‘Nite-‘nite!” “‘Nite Dad!” they exclaimed, jumping down off the couch and charging off towards the stairs without a word or gesture to their mothers.

“Good night guys. Sleep tight.” I called after them, a wistful smile on my lips.

When they’d disappeared from sight I returned my gaze to their mothers, who stood across from me, all of them draped in bathrobes and frowning at me with disapproval.

“Something on your minds?” I asked, once I realized that they weren’t going to speak first.

“You’ve never contradicted us in front of the children before.” Lilly said at last.

I shook my head. “Nope…never have.”

They stared at me in unblinking unison for close on to thirty seconds. I just stood there and let them, not saying or doing a thing.

They finally blinked and looked away, shuffling their feet and adjusting the belts that held their robes closed.

“Is that it then?” I asked. “No other questions, accusations, or demands?”

They were strangely quiet and suddenly unwilling to meet my eyes.

“You hate us, don’t you?” Peggy asked.

“You know I don’t.” I replied.

“You are angry with us.” Lilly said accusingly.

“Yeah, I am.” I said softly, without malice or condemnation.

“You destroyed our bond.” Peggy said coldly.

“You’re bound to me now.” I said simply.

“Ike, we made promises…” Lilly began.

I cut her off abruptly. “You’re bound to me now.” I said firmly, letting a touch of exasperation color my words. All three of them flinched and took a step back.

“I have very little interest in promises you made to each other. You said that you wanted to be bound to me.” I shrugged offhandedly. “Now you are…and there’s no going back, so I suggest you get used to it.”

I walked around the couch to stand next to Peggy, who looked up at me with wide, hungry eyes.

“Our little girl is one sharp cookie.” I told her with a grin, running the back of my hand along the side of her face.

“Yes she is. She takes after her daddy.”

“Maybe…but I’m glad she looks like her mommy.”

I glanced over at Lilly and caught her attention.

“Keep a close eye on AJ. He’s a lot more like me than is good for him…especially at his age.”

“What do you mean?”

“He and Tink came down looking for me tonight. They were holding hands almost the entire time they were down here. And he’s extremely protective of all the girls. It’s really obvious when I’m around. Just keep an eye on him and you’ll see what I’m talking about.”

“He’s never acted like that before.” Lilly muttered.

“Lilly, he’s my son, so I’m guessing he’s probably as much an Alpha as I am. According to Evan, and based on something I saw for myself today, I have a profoundly negative effect on other Alpha-types. And I’m not suppressing my feelings the way I was a few days ago, so that probably has a lot to do with it as well.”

“He’s only five!”

I chuckled. “You might want to remind him of that now and again.”

I stepped around Peggy, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze, to stand in front of Lilly.

“They saw me carrying Isabeau upstairs…they saw the blood and were worried. I think it was Tink’s idea to come down; AJ probably decided to come along to protect her.”

“What did you tell them?”

“The truth. I’m not going to lie to my children Lilly. They asked and I told them. I was helping Isabeau and she accidentally broke my nose. They didn’t have any problems with that.”

“The nudity.” Peggy said. I nodded my agreement.

“Yeah…they were unbelievably persistent about that. So I explained it.”

“And then they wanted to see for themselves.” Lilly said with a sigh.

“I figured it would be better if they all saw it at the same time, so I had Tink and AJ bring Rosie and Belle down. I went out on the front lawn and they watched from the window in here.”

“They weren’t scared?”

“Maybe a little, at first. All in all they seemed to think it was pretty cool. They wanted to know if it hurt…and how I did it.”

“Oh.” Lilly said, catching on right away to where the questions had led.

“You told them you were mad at us.” Isabeau broke her silence.

“Tink figured it out all on her own. They were more interested in knowing if I still loved their moms.”

“And you said…?” Peggy asked.

“I told them the truth.” I paused for a couple of moments. Let them imagine what they liked. “Belle suggested that I spank the three of you. Rosie agreed with her.”

My sister started coughing…a strangled, choking, laughing kind of cough. Lilly blushed and Peggy giggled.

“Unfortunately I had to tell them that spanking wasn’t really effective on grown-ups…and I don’t think they believed it when I told them that some adults like getting spanked.”

“You didn’t!” my sister gasped, coughing a little more.

I gave her a wicked smile.

“You did.” Lilly confirmed.

“You bastard!” Peggy laughed.

“I’ve been telling you ladies for years that I’m nowhere near as nice as you think. Tomorrow I’m going to start showing instead of telling. Isabeau, you’re coming to work with me. I’m leaving here at seven…I expect you to be ready to go when I am, no delays. Also, I think it might be a good idea if we started home schooling the kids. And since Isabeau is going to be resigning her position, we’ll have a fully qualified instructor right here full-time. Lilly, it’s time we thought about moving. I don’t much like Alex Chorney or his associates knowing where my family lives. Keep your inquiries as discreet as you can…use another name and one of the off-shore accounts if you find something. And try to keep us away from large populations.”

The three of them stood looking at me with slack jawed expressions.

“What about my practice?” Peggy asked eventually. “Am I just supposed to leave everything I’ve worked for?”

I took a few steps in reverse and sat down on the back of the couch.

“You’ll do like you’ve always done half-pint…consult with your sisters and decide what you all want. The only difference now is that whatever you three decide…my decision is the one that matters.” I held up a hand to stave off the argument I felt coming. “I’m willing to discuss options and differences of opinion. If you can convince me that my decision isn’t the best one, that’s fine. I have no problem with that. But there are going to be times when I’m not interested in discussion, or when there just won’t be time. When that happens…my word is law and I don’t want any argument or foot dragging from any of you. Are we all clear about this?”

They stared at me like I’d just stepped off a flying saucer and asked to be taken to their leader.

“Because if we aren’t…if even one of you doesn’t think she can accept things being like this, speak up now. I’m not going to discuss it with you again.”

“Ike, what…?” Lilly asked. I couldn’t quite make out what she was feeling…it was either alarm and concern or admiration and desire. Hell, it might have been all four. I was getting a mixture of feelings from the three of them, and surprisingly enough not one of them was reacting in the same way to my personal declaration of independence.

Isabeau was resigned and just a little excited…which I suppose was to be expected, under the circumstances. Peggy was irritated and combative…and just a teeny-tiny bit turned on.

I held my hand out to Lilly and waggled my fingers, encouraging her to take my hand in hers. She glanced nervously at Peggy and my sister before stepping forward and putting her hand in mine.

I pulled her close and put my arms around her waist. I bent my neck and lightly kissed her neck where it flowed out to join the shoulder.

“We’ve changed you.” she whispered sadly. “I know it had to happen, but I wish we could have done it without hurting you so much.”

“Don’t be silly.” I whispered in return. “The only thing that’s changed is that I’m not going to be trying so hard to be what I thought you deserved…or wanted or whatever the hell it was I’ve been doing all these years. In a way Isabeau was right…I have been acting differently around my family. I guess I thought I was protecting you from the real me. Now that we’re tied together there’s not much point. I won’t be able to hide it from you and there’s no place you can hide from it. So we’re stuck, all of us.”

“You’re not the monster you think you are.” she said.

“Maybe not, but I’m not the heroic figure you think I am either.”

“You’re wrong about that.” she said with a slight grin.

I shook my head fractionally from side to side and nibbled briefly on her neck.

“You’ll see. I’m taking my sister with me tomorrow. She claims to want the bad old me back, so I’m going to show her the bad old me in action. And depending on what I find out over the next few days, I’m taking you with me next month on a cross country trip. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of opportunities for you to see what I’m like when I’m working.”

Lilly’s eyes lit up brightly and her dazzling smile returned full force.

“You mean it? I can come with you?”

“It’s not going to be a pleasure trip Lilly. I’ll be hunting the person whose life I’m supposed to end. Odds are that you’ll be there when I find him, so you’ll get to watch. Won’t that be fun?”

“I know you, Ike Blacktower. You’re not a cold blooded killer.”

I held her close and hugged her tight.

Childhood has to end for all of us eventually.

You’ll be lucky if she ever speaks to you again.

Don’t be so damn melodramatic. Peggy’s seen me kill before; she didn’t run and hide.

There’s knowing, and then there’s knowing. Some people handle reality better than others.

They handled seeing me with a knife sticking out of my body on two separate occasions with a fair amount of aplomb.

Yeah, well keep in mind that on those occasions, you were the one being abused. This time you’ll be the one doing the abusing. Women may want the bad boy, but they’re absolute suckers for the poor dweeb that ends up being picked on.

Aw shit!

Damn it…they want me to be who they think I am…you want me to be what you think I am…well screw you all! You’ll get what you get, and if it’s not good enough…fuck the lot of you!!

Lilly pulled back suddenly, her bright eyes flicked rapidly over my face. Her smile faded, replaced by a frightened look.

“My nose hurts like hell and aspirin just ain’t doing a thing for me, so I’m going to pour myself a couple shots of whiskey and then I’m going to bed.”

I gave Lilly’s shoulder a gentle pat, shifted her to one side and got to my feet. I headed into the dining room where we kept the liquor.

I’d just finished filling a shot glass to the top when an arm snaked around my waist. I put the whiskey bottle down on the table, lifted the glass to my lips and tossed the contents into my mouth. The smoky tasting liquor burned my throat pleasantly on its way to my stomach.

I set the glass down next to the bottle and looked to see who the arm was attached to.

Peggy looked up at me, her features neutral, but her eyes were moist and pleading.

“Please, come to bed.” she said softly.

I tore my eyes from hers, poured myself another shot and sent it chasing after the first. The stabbing pain in the middle of my face began to dull just a little.

“In a bit.” I replied, sucking air between my teeth along with fumes from the whiskey.

“Come to bed with us.” she insisted.

I put the glass down on the table harder than I intended. It hit the varnished table top with a solid thunk and Peggy jumped slightly, her arm tightened noticeably around my waist.

“Ike…please.” she begged.

I filled the little glass one more time, swallowed the contents and set the inverted shot glass over the neck of the bottle.

“No fooling around. Just sleep.” I said finally.

Peggy nodded her agreement and led me away from the table and the half empty whiskey bottle.

Side by side we walked down the hall to the staircase.

“How come you’re not taking me to work or on one of your business trips?” she asked offhandedly. There was, however, nothing offhand about the emotions that were churning within her.

“I have to teach Isabeau and Lilly something that you already know. Besides which, I want you here with the kids when I’m away.”

She nodded just a little, and her feelings calmed considerably. “I’m nowhere near strong enough…you proved that tonight.” she admitted meekly.

I gave her shoulder a friendly squeeze. “You did much better than I expected. You’re just not as strong as I am. Face it Squirt, you were trying to knock over an elephant with a feather duster. And the elephant knew you were trying to do it. With anyone but me, you’d have had ‘em drooling like Pavlov’s dogs.”

“You’re going to kill someone tomorrow, aren’t you?” my little sweetie asked, changing the subject without any warning.

“Probably. At the very least I’m going to scare the piss out of several rather self-important people. I don’t like being played for a fool. Not by the people I’m supposed to be helping…and not by people I trust. So…a few of them are going to pay for the fun they’ve had at my expense.”

“You don’t have to kill them, do you?”

“No…I don’t have to. I want to. I want to inflict pain, suffering, humiliation and despair on somebody. At the moment I don’t even give a rat’s ass who that somebody might be. I just want to feel their nervous systems shatter and their brain functions fail slowly, piece by piece by piece.”

“You want revenge.”

“Yes.”

“You want vengeance.”

“Yes.”

Peggy sighed and stopped climbing the stairs. We’d nearly reached the landing when she abruptly stopped moving. My little sweetie is more than a foot shorter than I am and frankly it hurts both our necks whenever we try to look one another in the eye for any length of time. I turned, put my hands under her arms and lifted her up so that she stood on the upper landing, three steps above the one I was on. We were nearly eye to eye.

“You think my wanting revenge is childish, don’t you?” I asked.

Peggy blinked a couple of times.

“Yes, I do.”

“You think it’s just some kind of testosterone driven macho male thing, right?”

Peggy’s eyes narrowed a little as she cocked her head off to one side. She was wondering where I was leading her.

“Well, isn’t it?” she countered.

I leaned close and spoke slowly and softly, for her ears alone.

“Megan Posey, the woman who runs the NSA data archives, the woman I went to see this afternoon, spent about half an hour trying to convince me I should go to bed with her; fifteen minutes after I first got there and fifteen minutes after I scared the piss out of one of her wannabe Alpha Male co-workers.”

Peggy reached out one hand and cupped my cheek, smiling at me like she would one of the kids who’d just presented her with a macaroni sculpture they’d made in school.

“I’m sure she’s a very nice lady.”

I returned her smile with one of my own; slowly turning it into a wicked grin.

“Peggy…Megan Posey is a very tall, very attractive woman who happens to be my age.”

Oh yeah! That got her full and undivided attention. Her smile plummeted like a sky-diver who’d forgotten his chute.

Nothing on earth sets off the North American female’s aggressive instincts faster than the arrival of a younger female.

Peggy’s inner calm vanished, replaced quickly by anger, jealousy, defensiveness, aggressiveness and something with a tangy taste not unlike putting a nine volt battery’s leads flat against your tongue…I’d never come across that emotional state before, but it was highly invigorating.

What was even more interesting to me was that I felt all Peggy’s emotions without linking. Seemed like the bonding had worked pretty well…on my side anyway.

“I’ll kill that skanky little tramp!” she snarled. If Megan had been with us right then, there’s no doubt in my mind that Peggy would have done just that.

“How very macho of you…” I smirked.

Faster than I would have believed possible, Peggy lashed out with the hand that wasn’t on my cheek and the sound of her palm hitting the side of my face went off in my ear like a round from my favorite sniper rifle.

Worse yet, her stiffened fingers, after they impacted with my cheekbone, brushed heavily across my newly broken nose. Searing bolts of agony shot up thru my brain, fired down my neck, spread across my shoulders and chest, finally taking up winter quarters in the area between my stomach and balls.

I clenched my teeth and refrained from bellowing like a wounded buffalo.

Peggy wasn’t so lucky.

“Fucking hell!” she screamed shrilly at the top of her lungs, both small hands leaving my abused face to cover her eyes and nose.

She dropped to her knees, wailing and keening like a police siren. Lilly, Isabeau and the children came charging out of their rooms. Our children were staring at me as though I were some sort of inhuman monster. Lilly and my sister each had tears in their eyes and a hand pressed against their stomachs, looking as if they were about to puke.

“What the hell happened? What did you do to her?” Lilly rasped thru her second hand pain.

I blinked away the tears from my own eyes and shook my head.

“I didn’t do a thing.” I hissed.

Peggy rolled onto her side and cried into her hands, curling up into a tight fetal position.

I took pity on the tiny woman, linked with her and drained away all her pain, replacing it with love, trust and compassion.

It took a few minutes, but she did finally stop crying.

I only wish that my own pain was as easy to dispel. Still…what’s a little personal suffering in the grand scheme of things, right?

Isabeau and Lilly were down on their knees flanking Peggy as she struggled to sit upright, while at the same time AJ was holding a panicked Tink in his arms while Rosie and Belle huddled close to them.

“…my fault…” Peggy sputtered as my sister helped her sit upright. She dropped her hands and faced me when I lowered myself so that I was sitting on the stairs below the landing.

“Yeah, the slap by itself would have been bad enough…but you should have remembered my nose is broken. After all, you’re the one who fixed it.”

“I was so angry it never crossed my mind.”

I nodded. “Welcome to my world. Guess you’ve got a little testosterone floating in your veins too, huh?”

“What the hell are you two prattling about?” my sister demanded, beginning to lose her temper.

Peggy turned to my sister. “I was being a supercilious bitch…ragging Ike about male posturing, ego, machismo and stuff like that…so he pushed my buttons. I got so…I slapped him.”

“You slapped Ike?” Lilly parroted.

“Hard.” Peggy said dejectedly.

“You hit Daddy?!” Tink cried.

Peggy’s head swiveled on her neck so hard and fast I was afraid she’d end up with whiplash. When she saw the kids standing clustered behind her all the blood drained from her face.

“Oh hell…” she groaned.

“Hey!” I growled loud enough to be heard over everyone’s combined muttering and mumbling.

All eyes went from focusing on Peggy to glaring at me. Fine…I’d gotten used to being the center of disapproval.

“Kids…first things first. Remember how I showed you what I was feeling?”

They nodded their heads.

“What I showed you was a good feeling. But I can do the same thing with feelings that aren’t so nice.”

Their eyes got hugely wide with immediate understanding.

“Tink’s mom didn’t mean to hurt me any more than Belle’s mom meant to break my nose. She surprised me and when she accidentally hit my nose I sent her the pain. That was my fault, not hers.”

“Ike…” Peggy started to break in. I cut her off quickly.

“No, half-pint. This time it has to be my fault.” I stood up, finished climbing the stairs, stepping around my girls and approached my children. “There are times when what I can do isn’t so cool, and this is one of them. I’m very sorry if we scared you guys.”

I started broadcasting strong levels of love mixed with calm. “Everything’s okay now. No one’s mad at anyone. So let’s all get to bed…alright?”

Tink smile up at me. “Okay Daddy.” AJ, Rosie and Belle all relaxed.

“Okay. See you munchkins in the morning.”

They trouped off back to their rooms and I turned back to the three women on the landing.

“As for you ladies…I want to see three naked bodies in my bed pronto. I’ve had enough aggravation for one night.”

I did an about face and strode down the hall and into the bedroom, shucking my robe and tossing it onto the floor. I crawled into bed and waited.

It took about ten minutes…six or seven of which I imagine were spent clearing the air between mothers and children…and then they came filing into the bedroom, looking very contrite.

Without a word they stripped out of their robes, turned off the lights and crawled into bed; Isabeau on my right, Lilly on my left and Peggy lying on top of me.

“I’m so sorry I hit you.” Peggy whispered.

“Don’t be. I figured you would. I just hadn’t counted on you hitting my nose.”

“What did you say to her?” Isabeau asked.

I chuckled just a little and felt Peggy tense up.

“He told me about some slutty little bitch at the NSA who’s been trying to get him into her bed.” Peggy snarled.

“What’s so bad about that?” Lilly wondered. “We’ve always known women were going to chase him.”

“Ike doesn’t chase back honey…you know that.” Isabeau said softly.

“She’s his age.” Peggy snapped.

If their emotions had been equipped with claws I’d have been ripped to shreds. I spent the next several minutes draining away oceans of negative emotions…it was a good thing I’d unloaded earlier and made room.

And they say that women are so much more relaxed and cerebral under pressure. What a crock.

They eventually calmed down and relaxed against me, wiggling around just a bit to find the most comfortable position. We lay in companionable silence for a good twenty seconds before the tears started flowing.

Shame, chagrin, humiliation, mortification, and sorrow washed over me from all three sides.

It wasn’t the kind of vengeance I wanted and certainly not the kind I longed for…but until I located Carlos Negron it would have to do.