Second That Emotion
by
Latikia
Copyright © 2006
Chapter 45
Colonel DeBerg led the way to the nurse’s station, where Lilly and I were welcomed back with our very own medical bracelets and a team of medtechs who scurried around taking our vital signs, poking and prodding us and making notes on charts. When they were done Lilly was shown to the room along the hallway she’d never officially been discharged from and the Colonel took me back to his office.
“It’s good to see you again Ike. How’ve you been?” he asked, settling into his chair.
“Just dandy Colonel, thanks for asking. Let’s see…since I last saw you I’ve killed several more people, including my ex-sister in law and most recently the Director of the FBI. How’ve you been?”
He stared blankly back for a moment and then blinked very slowly.
“You aren’t kidding, are you?”
“Nope.”
He blinked again. He started to say something and then closed his mouth abruptly.
“Please, whatever you do, don’t ask me how I feel about it. I’ve already been thru all that with myself and come to the conclusion that I did what was necessary. I didn’t like having to do what I did, but it’s done.”
“The Director of the FBI?” he asked incredulously.
I shrugged my shoulders. “He decided to roust me in public…or rather, he sent several agents to do it for him. I refused one invitation to go see him, so he decided to haul me, my girls, Anya and Mr. Jones in all at once, whether we wanted to come or not. I convinced his agents that they’d be better off listening to me, sent everyone else home and went to see the prick. Have you ever been to the FBI building Colonel? Nice place. Much nicer than the CIA’s offices. Anyway, when I got there I met the Director and the President’s National Security Advisor…got the Director to confess that he’d been asshole buddies with the unlamented Senator Mortenson and Congressman Bustamante, was guilty of stashing away millions in off-shore bank accounts and had been responsible, in part, for kidnapping me and the girls from this hospital and trying to kill us. So I killed him.”
The Colonel frowned. “I see…I think. And the National Security Advisor? What about him?”
“He’s fine. As far as I could tell he had nothing to do with any of it.”
“He saw you kill the man and you just let him live?”
I smiled slightly. “You sound disappointed.”
Colonel DeBerg sputtered and drew himself up straighter in his chair. “I didn’t mean…” he began, his face getting red.
I raised a hand, chuckling. “Take it easy Colonel. I’m just pulling your leg. He didn’t see anything more than me with my hand on the Director’s shoulder. The man died. Heart failure or possibly a stroke, who knows? MacGill may think I caused it to happen, but proving it…that’s rather unlikely. Besides, he wasn’t any more pleased to discover what his President’s hand picked man had been up to than I was.”
“And your, what did you say…ex-sister in law? What about her?”
I could feel the muscles in my face go slack. “That was also necessary, but for entirely
different reasons. I decided to go to
“Like yours?”
“No…different. Telepathic. She could read thoughts and memories the way I read emotions, but she could also manipulate those thoughts. I have no idea how long it had been going on, but I believe that she’d been playing god, or at least puppet master, in that town for several years. She set the local Sheriff’s department on us and then tried to manipulate me into following her. Lilly and Izzy shot her, thinking they were saving me. I was never in any real danger, but don’t you dare tell them that. Anyway, she was dying from the bullet wounds so I finished her off. The poor girl actually thought she was a god, even at the very end.”
“Could you have helped her? The way you helped Lilly and Peg?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. That’s just one of the many maybes I’ll have to find a way to live with…and why I don’t want the girls to ever know anything more about it than they do. They did a very brave thing, coming to my rescue.”
“They’ll never hear it from
“Oh? You’ve got a telepath with delusions of godhood?”
He laughed softly. “Close, an Army Lt. Colonel. A National Guard chaplain who’s being forced to resign his commission. It seems he started preaching, loudly and in public, against the war, the President, the Pentagon, the Joint Chiefs, the Central Command, the Pope, and pretty much everyone who doesn't share his personal vision of God’s will.”
“Is he a psycho?”
“Technically, no. Just self absorbed and very foolish.”
“Then why is he here in the hospital? Shouldn’t he be under house arrest in the BOQ?”
Colonel DeBerg sighed heavily. “Under normal circumstances, yes. But the man has…connections, if you get my meaning.”
My lip curled in a half sneer, half snarl. “State politics…what is he, brother-in-law to the governor of what ever state he’s from?”
“Bingo. Give the man a cigar. He requested to be kept here while they process him out. He sees this as a golden opportunity to convert the ungodly and unrighteous.”
“Naturally. Decent god-fearing people wouldn’t be in a place like this, would they?”
“You’ve got it. And I’m stuck with him for another two weeks. Since he’s been here, spreading the good word, we’ve had to up the levels of anti-depressants and sedatives for almost all the patients. The man is a menace and there’s nothing I can do about him. But maybe you can.”
“You could sedate the hell out of him and keep him in bed for two weeks.”
DeBerg cocked an eyebrow at me. “First, that would violate my Hippocratic oath, which I take rather seriously. Second, I considered doing just that last week, but the man won’t take any medication and I can’t force him.”
I smiled broadly at the man across the desk from me. He wasn’t nearly the stuffed shirt I’d taken him for when we met the first time.
“Okay Colonel. I’ll see what I can do. I can’t kill him…Lilly wouldn’t like it, but short of that…”
The Colonel grinned. “They really have been a positive influence on you, haven’t they?”
I smiled in return. “Colonel, they’ve kept me sane and reminded me what love and living are all about.”
“Excellent. I couldn’t prescribe a better therapy. You’ll find the chaplain in your old group…they should just be getting started. On your way there, would you ask Lilly to come see me? I’d like to talk with her.”
“Sure thing.”
I took my bag and headed out and down the hallway to the room I’d seen Lilly taken to. I found her putting the last of her clothes away. I rapped on the open door lightly with a couple of knuckles. Lilly turned at the sound and seeing it was me broke into a brilliant smile.
“How’s it going beautiful?” I asked, returning her smile. She stopped what she was doing and rushed over into my arms. We exchanged hugs for a few seconds and then she pulled back.
“This place was never very pleasant, but it feels even worse than I remember.” she told me.
I nodded and told her what Colonel DeBerg had told me about his sky pilot problem.
“He asked me to see if there’s anything I can do.”
“Like what you did with Auggie?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Probably not quite like that. We’ll see what happens. Oh yeah, the Colonel requests the honor of your presence for a brief chat. I have to get to the group and see just what I’m up against.” I gave her a brief kiss. “See you at the morning meeting.”
“Play nice with the other children.” she told me.
“Yes ma’am.”
Lilly ducked around me and headed off towards the Colonel’s office. I watched her walk away and breathed a soft sigh.
My bag and I traversed the remainder of the hall to the closed double doors of the men’s open bay. As I got closer I could hear a loud voice coming from within. I pushed one of the doors open and strode in.
The door swung closed behind me as I looked around the room. I spotted what looked to be an unoccupied bed on my left, dropped my bag on the mattress and turned to the circle of chairs on my right.
There were eight people sitting on chairs, most with their backs to me. Walt and Auggie were gone, but Tim and David were still there, as was Lt. Janice Watson the group moderator. The other five I didn’t know, but the one doing all the talking just had to be the chaplain.
“…feel like you’ve lost your way in life? Are you feeling utterly helpless, worn out, in body and soul? If you’re riddled with doubts and terrors then God's eternal love is ready and willing to help you up, and revive you. God's eternal light is ready to show you the way; God's heavenly peace is ready to give you peace. If you feel full of sins and faults take heart; for God's unchangeable will can take away those sins, and purge you from those faults. All you have to do is accept Jesus into your heart and life and you too can be saved.” the man chanted in a loud and sing-song baritone.
He was one of those facing away from me, so he didn’t see me walk up behind him, but Tim did and his bored expression slowly changed into one of delight.
“Ike?” He slowly got to his feet and moved towards me.
“How are you Tim?” I stepped into the circle and the two of us embraced like long lost brothers.
“We heard you got hit by a car.” he told me, in the longest sentence I’d ever heard come out of the man.
“Yeah, right in front of the Lincoln Memorial. Damn buddy, you’re looking good. Much better than the last time I was here. Going home soon?”
“I hope so.” I clapped him on the shoulder and looked around the circle.
“Still here Dave? How are you holding up?”
The young man grinned up at me from his seat. “I’m cool Ike. Good to see you up and moving around. I saw the fight you had with that blond chick in the hall the last night you were here. You didn’t look so good man.”
“I was just tired. Getting hit by a car kinda takes it out of you, know what I mean?”
He bobbed his head happily.
Tim returned to his chair and I turned to Lt. Watson. “Mind if I sit in Doc?”
“Not at all Ike. It’s good to see you again. Pull up a chair.”
I went to the wall where the folding metal chairs were stacked and brought it back to the circle and sat down, stretching my legs out in front of me so they pointed at the man who’d been talking when I first came in.
I looked up at the clock that hung on the wall next to the double doors and then back to Lt. Watson.
“This is group therapy, right? For a second I thought I’d walked into a revival meeting.”
“Billy-Bob was just sharing his…views with us.”
I turned my head and locked eyes with the man.
Have you ever met a person for the very first time and immediately realized that you disliked them? Of course you have. We all have. The way they look, the way they act, the way they talk…you’re never sure what it is that grates on your nerves, but it grates like fingernails on a chalkboard.
All I knew about the man was what Colonel DeBerg had told me. That his name was Billy-Bob and the few words I’d heard him speak were an added bonus that only served to reinforce my first impression of the man. The moment I looked into his eyes I knew I didn’t like the man. I hadn’t even linked with him and I knew he and I were never going to be friends; cordial adversaries at best.
“Are you a psychologist or psychiatrist, Billy-Bob?” I asked the man.
“No brother, I’m a chaplain.”
I winced slightly. “Let’s you and me get one thing clear from the start, chaplain; I’m not your brother and you don’t want to be my brother. I don’t like my brother…he’s an asshole.”
“We’re all brothers in the eyes of the Lord.” he intoned patronizingly.
“Says who?” I asked.
“The revealed word of God. ‘For whosoever
shall do the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother.’ Matthew, chapter twelve, verse fifty.”
He was a large man, about six one,
and easily my weight, with a round, fleshy, florid face and fine thinning hair
the color of corn silk. His piggy blue
eyes glared at me and his jowly face smiled crookedly. He looked like a used car salesman and
radiated the same kind of false affability you’d expect from someone in that
line of work.
I nodded my head at his words and
returned his false smile with one of my own.
“ ‘For whosoever shall do the will of my Father who is in heaven,
he is my brother, and sister, and mother.’ Complete your quotations, chaplain. ‘Be not rash with thy mouth, and let
not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before
God; for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be
few.’ Ecclesiastes, chapter five, verse two.” I said, letting my
false smile fade away.
“ ‘Trust in Jehovah with all thy heart, and lean not upon thine own understanding.’
Proverbs, three-five.” His false smile grew larger.
“ ‘Give me understanding, and I shall keep thy law; Yea, I shall
observe it with my whole heart.’ Psalms
one nineteen-thirty four.” I sat up
straight in my seat. “I don’t believe
we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Ike
Blacktower. Who the hell are you?”
“Lt. Colonel William Robert
Williams. Reverend Williams to my flock
back home in
I felt my lip curling up at the
corner of my mouth. “Saved from
what? And I warned you once already,
rabbi, I’m not your brother. You only
get two freebies. Third strike and
you’re out.”
His eyes widened as much as the
fleshy folds of his face would allow.
I sat back in my chair and looked
around the circle. “I don’t know the
rest of you folks either, but then I’ve been gone for a while. I hope you’ll forgive my bad manners and short
temper…I’m not too happy to be back here.
They made me come back so the Army could retire me on Wednesday.”
“Lucky bastard.” one of the guys I
didn’t know muttered under his breath.
“You never did tell the group why
the Army sent you here in the first place.” Lt. Watson reminded me. “Colonel DeBerg told me that you wouldn’t be
violating any secrets by talking about what happened. That is, if
you feel like talking about it.”
I looked around the circle at
their faces and saw that they were interested…more in having someone other than
Billy-Bob talk than anything else.
“Sure, why not. I was volunteered into joining an intel unit that was going to Saudi
for Desert Shield. Prior
to that I was a CID agent. The
unit I got stuck in was sent off to Saudi…” and I told them an abbreviated
version of how I got to Walter Reed.
“…and on Wednesday the Army is going to retire me for medical reasons,
because I talk to myself and they’re afraid I might snap and go off on a
killing spree. So now you know why I’m
here.”
I relaxed and stretched out full
length, my eyes locked on the ruddy red face of the chaplain.
“Why are you here, preacher?” I asked.
His beady blue eyes narrowed and
every muscle in his beefy body tensed up.
“I’m resigning my commission and
leaving the Army.” he said, trying to sound jovial.
“Really…why would a chaplain feel
the need to resign his commission?” I asked, letting a hint of puzzled
curiosity tinge my words.
“A difference of opinion with my
superiors.” he replied blandly.
I nodded my head. “Yeah, that has been known to happen.” I looked down at my feet for a moment then
lifted my eyes back up and stared into his.
“ ‘If
any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth
not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this
man's religion is vain.’ James, one-twenty six.”
Billy-Bob’s lips thinned and his
face grew even more flushed.
“I hardly think an admitted killer
is in any position to pass judgment on my
calling or my faith.” he snarled at me, all trace of his earlier good humor had
vanished.
“ ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged, for with what judgment ye
judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured
unto you.’ Matthew,
seven-one and two.”
“You defile the word of the Lord
with every breath you take!” His voice
rose in volume.
“ ‘In all things showing thyself
an ensample of good works; in thy doctrine uncorruptness,
gravity, sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the
contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of us.’ Titus, two-seven and
eight.” I said softly in response.
“You blasphemous son of a bitch!”
he roared, springing to his feet, his hands clenching into fists that he
struggled to keep down by his sides.
“Now is that any way for a
chaplain to talk?” I asked conversationally.
He took a stiff step towards me
and I sat up, pulling my legs in, ready to stand.
“Think very carefully about your
next move, Billy-boy. I’ve already
killed more than a hundred people this year.
And you…what, you’ve killed a six-pack or two at church picnic now and
again?”
I stood up and set my weight
evenly on the balls of my feet. I stared
down at the puffy middle aged man in front of me and linked with him. He was a mass of conflicting emotions and
feelings. A burning mass of
self-assurance and self-confidence, mixed with self-love, righteous
indignation, anger, and hatred along with a healthy dose of disgust mixed with
fear.
“Billy, you don’t belong here and
you sure as hell aren’t wanted; you’re not helping anybody and you’re on the
verge of pissing me off! I strongly suggest that from now on you stay
out of these groups, keep your religious opinions to yourself unless someone
comes to you and asks, and stay out of my way.”
We stood staring at one another,
the chaplain clenching and unclenching his hands and me ready to lash out at
the first hint of violent movement from him, when Lt. Watson stood up.
“Well, I think that’s enough for
today. I’ll see you all tomorrow.” she
told the sitting members of the group.
The rest of them got up and put
their chairs away and filed out, giving Billy-Bob and I a wide berth.
We continued to stare.
“Ike? It’s time for the ward meeting.” I heard
Lilly call from the doorway.
“Okay honey.” I replied, broke eye
contact with the chaplain and walked around him. I gathered Lilly into my arms and gave her a
gentle hug.
“Have you been fighting?” she
asked me, reproach in her voice.
“A little verbal
sparring. Hardly a fight.”
“I told you to play nice.” she
said, squeezing me around the waist.
“I was nice…really I was. Look, no blood.”
She laughed as we walked the short
distance to the dayroom and found a seat together on one of the couches.
“Did you have a nice chat with the
Colonel?” I asked her, as the other residents began filing in and taking their
seats.
“Very nice. For
the most part. Lewis has been
looking for me. I think he has the final
divorce papers for me to sign.”
I looked down at my sweet girl and
put my arm around her shoulder. “Having
second thoughts?”
Lilly snuggled in closer and
patted my thigh. “Nothing
like that. I’m just not thrilled
at the idea of seeing him again. I’ll be
glad when he, and everything connected with him, are behind me.”
“No public displays of affection,
sergeant.” I heard an arrogant voice commanding from my right. I turned my head slightly and saw Billy-Bob
standing next to the couch, arms crossed over his chest.
“Or what,
Billy-boy? You gonna throw me out of the Army? Sit down, shut the hell up and mind your own
damn business.” I said pleasantly and turned back to Lilly. “Ignore the asshole, baby. And don’t worry about Lewis either. When he shows up I’ll be right here with you. You sign the papers and it’s all over and
done with. Then we can move on with the
rest of our lives.”
She smiled that brilliant smile I
remember from the first time I met her and my heart melted all over again. I love Lilly’s smile. It makes even the most depressing places
brighter and bearable.
During our long absence there had
been new elections, so the meeting was conducted by people we didn’t know, but
they ran things pretty much the way I had.
There was a sense of despondency filling the room that started to
irritate me, and was made even worse when Billy-Bob got to his feet after the
role call had been taken.
“Before we start I think we should
all join in prayer.” he said loudly.
“Why?” I asked.
“To ask for the Lord’s blessing
and forgiveness for our sins, which are the main reason why each and every one
of you is suffering.”
I stared at the man and tensed up.
“Ike…” Lilly warned softly.
“I know, play nice.” I stood up and looked around the room. Nearly every person there was looking down at
their laps. “Billy, you are so full of
shit it’s a wonder it doesn’t come squirting out your ears.”
He opened his mouth to speak and I
continued on, not giving him the chance to say another word.
“Lilly and I have been gone for a
while so I know most of you don’t know me; my name is Ike Blacktower. I get the impression that way too many of you have been listening
to the chaplain here and you’ve started believing that the reason you’re here
on the ward is because you’ve committed some kind of sin and God is punishing
you. That is a load of shit! Most of you are here because you either have
some kind of chemical imbalance or you’ve gotten confused. Simple as that. Sin hasn’t got a damn thing to do with
it. Religion hasn’t got a damn thing to
do with it. You’ve had to listen to him
for a couple of weeks, and I feel for you.
I listened to him for a few minutes
this morning and I was close to losing my mind.
Billy-boy likes to quote the Bible, and I’m sure he spent a lot of years
studying it so he could do just that.
But the problem, as I see it, is that he spent all that time studying
and came away with a flawed understanding of what it really says. I read the Bible once when I was ten. My
mother thought there were some good lessons in it and that I could learn
something from them. I’ll tell you what
I got out of reading that book. The Old
Testament is about loyalty and keeping your word. Period. The New Testament is about love and
sacrifice. And when I say love, I don’t
mean sex; I mean compassion, understanding, tolerance, forgiveness, sacrifice
and patience.”
I looked around and some of their
heads lifted and their eyes were watching me.
“Despair and hopelessness are why
most of you are here. They are the soul
crushers, the life killers. Not
sin. Sin is a religions term for
breaking the law. Despair and
hopelessness, either chemically or emotionally
induced…that’s what drains the joy from our lives. And the best cure for either one that I know
of is love. Care about someone else’s pain and suffering
more than you care about your own.
Befriend someone, listen to them, share your life, show your compassion,
your understanding, hold them, comfort them and let them know they aren’t alone.
No one wants to feel alone, because that leads to hopelessness. There are people here who understand how you
feel, who might even feel the same way you do.
They understand and they won’t condemn you or shun you or push you
aside. Don’t be afraid of one another or
of your own pain. And be loyal; stand
together, support one another. You are a
family, united by your shared suffering, understanding and willingness to help
each other. You can leave this place
stronger, more confident and more whole
than you were. Love saved me. I’ve felt the hand of death, the pain of
loss, the guilt of surviving when I knew I shouldn’t have, and I lived with
those feelings as my only companions for three long, lonely years. I stopped caring about anything and
anyone. I couldn’t kill myself, so I
went somewhere I knew would probably get me killed. But love saved me; a single, solitary memory
of love and the possibility that I
might rediscover it again. People I met
here on this ward, people who died, people who’ve moved on with their lives, people who are still here…they all helped to save me from
despair and gave me hope. You can have
that too, if you don’t give in and don’t give up.”
I began broadcasting low levels of
hope, understanding, compassion, concern and a hint of the love I felt for my
girls. Glancing around the room I saw
faint smiles growing on faces that had been morose and despondent, resigned and
uncaring.
“I don’t know if there is a God, I
don’t know that there isn’t. I don’t
care if you are Christian or Jewish, Moslem or Buddhist, Druid or Atheist. I think all belief systems are wrong if they
say theirs is the only right way.
I don’t think that there is such a thing as ‘Original Sin’. Why blame me for something my father did
before I was born, or for something his father did before he was born. It’s idiotic.
I believe in free will…we each make our own choices in life and we each
have to take responsibility for those choices and whatever consequences come
from them. Sometimes in life we make bad
choices. We screw up. But as long as you’re alive you have the
opportunity to make things right.
Sometimes life screws us up, and there isn’t much we can do to stop it
from happening. Tim here is a good
example. He didn’t ask for a chemical
imbalance. He didn’t choose to have his
life interfered with. But it
happened. The people here are trying to
help him put his life back together. He’s trying to put his life back
together. If there is a God then that God helps those who help themselves…and each
other. Love your neighbor and love
yourself a little while you’re at it.
Don’t live in fear, don’t listen to those who want you be afraid and
ashamed, don’t give in to despair and try hard not to make anyone else
miserable. That’s the last you’ll hear
from me on the subject of religion. And
I apologize for speaking out of turn.” I said and sat down. Lilly beamed at me.
“I love you, you know that?” she
whispered. The level of love I was
broadcasting rocketed up and before I knew what was happening everyone around
us was hugging and crying and smiling. Except
for the chaplain, who seemed to be impervious to other people’s happiness.
“You had a big hand in saving me
from myself, sweetie. You were my friend
when I didn’t have one, and then my love and then my lover. But as much as I adore my love and desire my
lover, I cherish my friend.” I
whispered back.
“You silver tongued devil.” she
sighed and snuggled in against my side.
“How did someone so young get to be such a sweet-talker?”
“I have three exceptional muses
for inspiration. And speaking of
inspiration, I don’t know if I told you before, but I really liked that dress you wore on our date. That
was inspirational.”
Lilly giggled and I loved the way
the vibrations traveled from her body into mine.
Eventually some semblance of order
was restored and the meeting continued.
Billy-Bob sat in his corner of the dayroom and kept silent, which made
me happy and I think everyone else appreciated it as well. I continued to broadcast positive emotions
and their spirits stayed high while they discussed bowling versus a trip to the
Base Exchange versus going to the Library.
They finally decided to go to the BX for a shopping trip, closed the
meeting and scattered, in pairs and small clusters.
Maybe, just maybe, I’d done some
good, and maybe they’d remember what I’d tried to tell them.
Lilly gave me a quick peck on the
cheek and a pat on the chest. “I’ll be
right back. I have to make a phone
call.”
“Okay. I’ll be right here.”
She hopped over the couch back and
jogged out into the hallway and I leaned back.
“You’re obviously a well read and
intelligent man.” I turned my head to
the side and saw the chaplain still in his seat.
“Well read, yes. Intelligent…that’s debatable.”
“You also have a lot of
charisma…people listen to you, trust you.”
“But not you, right? You don’t trust me one damn bit, and you sure
didn’t listen to what I was saying.”
“I’m not so easily swayed. Not by the likes of you.”
I raised one eyebrow. “The likes of me? Speak plain English, if you’re capable.”
“ ‘Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.’ John, seven-twenty four.”
“Are we really going to start playing that silly game again? Okay, fine. ‘The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others.’ Bertrand Russell.”
“ ‘The way of sinners is made plain with stones, but at the end thereof is the pit of hell.’ Ecclesiastes, twenty one-ten.”
“ ‘Hell is paved with priests'
skulls.’
“Could you? Recite the entire Bible from memory?” he asked, sounding as if he were actually interested in my answer.
“No. I skipped over most of the begats and pretty much all of Numbers. They bored me.”
“And you only read it one time, when you were a child?”
“Yep. I didn’t find it all that interesting, really. Of course, at the time I didn’t understand the more refined bits; the murders, assassinations, adultery and other recreational sexual activities. If I’d been a bit older, more of it might have stuck with me. I liked Mickey Spillane better.”
“You don’t accept that it’s the revealed word of God?”
“Mickey Spillane?” Billy-Bob actually smiled. “Oh, the Bible. No, there are too many contradictions. I doubt very much that if there was a god that he’d be so human and inconsistent.”
“Inconsistent…yes, I’ve heard that argument before, many times. What about your own summary of the Old Testament? Loyalty, right?” I nodded in agreement. “You didn’t mention retribution or vengeance.”
“I was wondering if you’d catch that. Firstly, I don’t figure the folks here need to be thinking along those lines. Better they concentrate on the more positive lessons. Secondly, I’m human and therefore inconsistent…and a hypocrite. See, your problem is that the message you keep pushing is a negative one. ‘All your problems are because you don’t believe the way I think you should. Either change, suffer and eventually get to heaven, or don’t change, suffer and be damned for all time.’ Not much of a choice, if you see what I mean. I prefer to live the life I know I have in the best way possible, and I think the world would be a better place if everyone else did the same.”
“IKE!” There was fear and panic in Lilly’s voice, coming from out in the hallway.
“Excuse me Reverend, gotta go.” I jumped up, stepped over the couch and charged out of the dayroom. I looked down the hallway and saw Lilly near the pay phone by the nurse’s station, her back to the wall and looming over her was a much taller, husky and obviously angry man about her own age. His right hand gripped her left arm and his left was raised as if he were about to slap her.
I raced down the hall as fast as I could move, reached out with my left arm and clamped my hand around the man’s throat, thumb and forefinger just below the hinge of his jawbone, my arm and shoulder blocking his descending hand.
I tightened my grip, and turned his head so he was forced to look up into my face.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” I asked, bringing my face close to his and barring my teeth in a feral snarl.
“Urk!” he tried to say something, but was having trouble getting the words thru his constricted windpipe.
“Roadkill, you have two choices; let go of her arm, or die.” I told him. He let go quickly and I shoved him across the carpet and into the wall across from Lilly with such force that the back of his head hit with a loud ‘crack’ and the man’s eyes rolled up, showing only white.
“Lilly? Are you okay?” I asked, looking over my shoulder.
She slid down the wall, leaning hard against it, until she was sitting on the floor. “I signed the divorce papers, and he started blaming me all over again, saying it was my fault the babies died, that I was a lousy wife and then he started bragging about all the different women he’s been fucking while I was stuck here…so I told him I’d found a real man, a kind and loving and decent man, one with a man sized cock and not a little boy’s, like his…and when I told him I was pregnant, he got really mad, called me a slut and a whore and he was going to hit me.” she said, her words directed at the floor.
The rage inside me rose up with a fury. I could feel the flames dancing in my eyes and waves of heat radiating off my skin.
Lewis chose that moment to punch me in the gut, right over the place where I’d been shot. Grunting with the impact I tightened my grip around his throat, growled with barely contained fury, cocked my arm and heaved him up; pinning him against the wall so that we were eye to eye and his toes dangled inches above the floor. He gurgled and gasped loudly, trying to draw breath thru a nearly clamped off windpipe. Balling up my right hand I drew back and drove my fist into the left side of his ribcage. Lewis cried out weakly at the sound of his ribs cracking and flailed helplessly.
“You stupid, arrogant, ignorant, thoughtless, brain dead cocksucker!” I snarled. “You had the love of one of the most wonderful, loving, desirable, caring, and understanding women that ever walked the earth and you threw it away. All because of your pride, your ego, your poor pathetic wounded manhood.” I pulled him down away from the wall and brought his nose up close to mine and whispered softly. “You threw away a sexual dynamo, an erotic artist of the highest caliber.”
I pulled back slightly and raised the level of my voice. “You are a sad, pathetic excuse for a man Lewis, but I owe you a debt. Without your blind incomprehension, your total lack of compassion and understanding, I would never have had the opportunity to discover the priceless treasure you cast aside. That’s the only reason I’m not going to kill you right here and now.”
I leaned my forehead against his. “And after discarding this glorious gem, what did you go looking for? Other men’s wives? You stupid cunt! I hope you enjoyed them, Lewis. I hope those women were worth it, because that’s the last pussy you’re ever gonna get.”
I linked with the weasel faced, bug-eyed twit, burned away every emotion I could find, fed him one of Lilly’s orgasm’s from the night before and when I felt his lust and desire surge up I captured them, wrapped them tightly with flaming and freezing agony, amplified the intensity of the pain and welded them all together with the heat from my rage.
Lewis screamed like a newly made castrato. I released my grip on his throat and let him drop to the floor. He continued screaming, curling up and clutching at his genitals with both hands. I knelt down and went thru his pockets, locating the envelope that contained the signed divorce papers, removed one copy and put the other back into his coat.
Standing up I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I walked back to where Lilly sat, and held my hand out to her. She looked up, her eyes blazing with excitement and hunger, and after a brief pause put her hand in mine. I helped her stand and then wrapped my arms around her. As the rage melted away I started to feel calmer and much happier. I could feel Lilly’s nipples harden and press into my skin.
“Somebody’s a little turned on.” I whispered. She giggled and tightened her arms around my waist, driving those hard little nubs deeper and rubbing them against me.
“Izzy and Peggy told me what you were like when you got angry. They said it was very…stimulating. I thought they were putting me on.”
“Do I need to take you someplace private?” I asked, only half joking.
“Not yet. I kind of like the way this feels.” She rolled her head to the side and looked behind me. “What did you do to Lewis?”
“Emotionally castrated him. From now on anytime he gets…urges…he’s gonna start screaming. I bet that within a month he’ll be so well conditioned that he never has another sexual thought or impulse for the rest of his life.”
“Good!” she growled.
I began walking the both of us down the hall in the direction of her room, noticing for the first time that we’d had an audience. Nearly every single resident of the ward, the nurses and techs were standing around, watching us. I even saw Colonel DeBerg at the end of the hall, watching with half a grimace on his face.
“Sorry for all the noise folks. Just a slight domestic disturbance, nothing to be concerned about.” I told them, and started broadcasting calm and reassurance.
Lilly ran one hand up along my back, her hand cool against my skin.
“Ike, what happened to your shirt?”
Uh-oh.
“I think I let my temper get the best of me again.”
“I think you just like to show off your muscles.” she laughed. “At least you kept your pants on this time.”
“What can I say? I’m very modest.” I handed Lilly her copy of the divorce papers and gave her a gentle push into her room. “You freshen up and take it easy for a bit. I’ll clean up the mess in the hall and then we’ll go to the BX with everyone else.”
Lilly turned around, stood on her toes and pulled my face down even with hers and kissed me long and hard. “Thank you, lover boy.” she said as she pulled away.
“Anytime darlin’, anytime.”
She hurried off into her bathroom and I headed back down the hall to where Lewis lay curled up against the wall. The chaplain, Colonel DeBerg and the dayshift nurse stood in a semi-circle around him. They all looked at me as I walked up.
“What happened, son?” Colonel DeBerg asked.
“Lilly’s ex stopped by to have her sign the final divorce papers and decided to get in a final dig or two. She told him about me, he went off the deep end, made some unpleasant and unkind comments and was about to hit her. She yelled for me…I stopped him.”
The head nurse nodded. “That’s pretty much the story I got from the patients who saw what happened.” she informed the Colonel. He nodded his head and chewed at his lower lip.
“Rossi?” he asked. I knew what he was referring to.
“No, nothing as drastic as that. Lewis’ll be fine, as long as he keeps his libido under control.”
The chaplain and nurse gave me some odd looks, but there wasn’t much I could say that would explain away what I knew they were probably thinking. So I kept my mouth shut.
Bending down I took hold of Lilly’s ex-husband by the armpits and lifted him upright. Leaning him against the wall I bent slightly and put my lips close to his ear.
“You should leave now, quietly and quickly. If I so much as catch a glimpse of you again…you’re a dead man. Now get the fuck out of my life.”
I slipped my hand behind his shoulders, pried him off the wall and shoved him towards the far end of the hallway. He staggered down the hall, holding his left side gingerly and keeping his eyes firmly on the floor. And then he was gone.
“Good riddance.” I hissed between clenched teeth. Pivoting on one heel I headed back to the bay, walking past the three officers without a word and went to get a new shirt.
Lilly and I joined the rest of the patients on their trip to the BX, where we got lunch and picked up some games to add to the dayroom’s small and sparse collection. On the way back up Lilly and I hung back, talking.
“I heard you telling your group about what happened to you in the desert.” she said, changing the topic abruptly. We had been talking about baby names.
“It’s not like you’ve never heard that story before.” I replied.
“No, Izzy told me and Peggy about it after you got hit by the car and we were waiting in the hospital. I think she was trying to convince us how tough you were.”
“And maybe convince herself at the same time, huh?”
“Probably. But today’s the first time I ever heard you tell it.”
“And…”
The elevator doors opened and we got in.
“I’m not sure…before I knew you I would have thought the whole thing was made up. Now, having seen the kind of person you are, and the things you’re capable of, the tiny little acts of kindness, the way you’re so protective of us and other people you hardly even know…I think…” The elevator stopped on our floor and the doors opened, we stepped out and began walking past the doctor’s offices. “…I think what you did out there was one of the bravest things I’ve ever heard of.”
“Honey, what I did out there was anything but brave. I gave my word that I’d do something and I did the best I could to keep my word. That’s all. Everything else that happened was no more than me trying to stay alive, once I’d decided I still wanted to live. Believe me, I’m no hero.”
“Don’t be taken in by his overblown sense of modesty, miss. This man is a hero, whether he wants to be or not.” a voice from in front of us said. I took my eyes off of Lilly and looked up, and standing there in front of us were Lt. Col. Erickson and Lt. Bakr.
I felt an unusual burst of happiness at the sight of the two. I stepped away from Lilly and gathered both of them up in my arms and with a grunt of effort, lifted them off their feet.
“Damn it’s good to see you two again!” I laughed, and set them back down.
“Lilly, this is Colonel Erickson, my commander from Saudi,”
I said, “and this clean cut Marine is Lt. Bakr, the man I went into
“The man who still owes you a drink.” Bakr reminded me. I grinned and clapped him on the shoulder.
“The man who owes me nothing. But I’ll be happy to let you pick up the bar tab.”
Lilly smiled and nodded her head. “I’m very pleased to meet you. Ike speaks very fondly of you both.”
“Gentlemen, this is my wife, Lilly.” I said by way of introduction.
Colonel Erickson’s eyebrows went up a notch and the Lt. looked very impressed.
“You have been busy since you got back.” the Colonel said.
“Oh, if you only knew Colonel.” Lilly giggled, moving up and slipping under my arm.
“What brings the two of you up here?” I asked.
The Lt. glanced across at the Colonel and he shook his head slightly. “Mostly we wanted to see how you were doing, Ghost. How’s the hole in your side?”
Lilly and I took them to her room and I filled them in, more or less…mostly less, on what I’d been up to since my return.
The Colonel frowned as I finished up my summary. “Young lady, you are a master of understatement. And I thought Ghost was a trouble magnet before.”
“Why do you call Ike ‘Ghost’?” Lilly asked.
He smiled. “Well, your husband has this knack for moving very quietly. I can’t count the number of times he’s come up on me without my knowing it. Anyway, he would always take the night sentry detail, because of his pale skin. During the night he got into the habit of appearing silently out of the dark and scaring the hell out of the other sentries. So the men started calling him ‘Ghost’.”
“Ike has become something of a legend. The Ghost is even known and revered among the Marines, and there aren’t very many Army types we are in awe of.” Lt. Bakr added with a grin.
“Which brings me to the other reason we came here. There’s going to be an awards ceremony tomorrow afternoon…Lt. Bakr is one of the honorees, and we’d appreciate it if you’d be there.”
I smiled happily. “I’d be glad to. Congratulations Ell-tee. Can Lilly come too?”
“Certainly. Beautiful and charming ladies are always welcome.” Lt. Bakr said gallantly.
“Great, we’ll pick you up around two. From the look of things I don’t suppose you’ll be in uniform, so a suit and tie will have to do.”
“Well, I am officially out of the Army the day after tomorrow Colonel.”
“But till then you still belong to us. So I expect you to be on your best behavior. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
We shook hands and they left, leaving Lilly and I alone in her room.
“I like them.” she said after a few moments. “And they obviously like you.”
“They’re both good men.” I agreed.
She got up, walked over and plopped herself down on my lap. “But not as good as you.” she said, wiggling around.
“I think their wives or girlfriends would disagree with you on that score.”
“Only because they don’t know you the way I do.” She shifted around a little more, grinding her butt against my growing erection.
“Ohhh…sweetie, are you trying to make me crazy?”
She licked my throat with the tip of her tongue and giggled.
“Maybe. At least we’re in the right place if I succeed.” Lilly rocked her hips from side to side and nibbled on the skin of my neck.
“Ike, do you think I’m a slut?”
My eyes had been closing as I enjoyed the delightfully pleasant sensations my sweetie was giving me, but they snapped wide open when I heard her question.
I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her back a little ways so I could look into her eyes.
“Lilly, you are not a slut. I’m not even sure exactly what a slut is, but I’m damn sure you aren’t one. You’re loyal, smart, kind, caring, understanding, compassionate, sweet, gentle, passionate, sexy, and loving. Does that sound like a slut to you? It doesn’t to me.”
She stared back into my eyes, smiling gently. “I just wonder, because sometimes when I’m close to you I get so turned on…I feel like I’ll die if I can’t feel your skin against mine. I’ve never felt like that with anyone else…the need to feel you, hold you, taste you. It’s like a fire starts burning inside me. Do you ever feel like that?”
I pulled her close and held her tight. “All the time. Whenever I see you, think of you, hear your name…the other day, when Peggy fed me your combined lust and desire, I actually let go somewhat and gave in to those feelings. And look what happened. And sex is only part of it. When we’re in bed together, the three of us, skin pressing against skin…honey, I only wish I had the words to describe how happy that makes me, how content I feel, how at peace.” I gave her a squeeze. “I love to hold you, listen to you breath, hear your heart beating, feel your hair tickle my skin. I get shivers just watching you walk or hearing you laugh. Your smile lights up my life and seeing you naked sets every nerve in my body on fire.”
Lilly moaned, squirming in my lap. “Ike, now I need you to take me somewhere more private.”
I picked her up in my arms and carried her out into the hall, out past the offices and into the elevator. We went up to the eighth floor and didn’t come back down till dinnertime.