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 The Special Joys of Threesome Sex Tips for The Woman Who Wants To Get
Started

   Updated on 8/28/05

   By Joan...

   The following information has been prepared specifically for ladies who
wish to consider adding MFM or MFM sexual pleasures to their sensual life.
It is the basic premise of this piece that the reader has already decided
to open herself to the pursuit of threesome adventures.  I sincerely hope
these thoughts will benefit you as you plan ways of bringing about one or
more FMF or MFM threesome experiences for your mutual pleasure.

   By the way, it is not my desire to "win converts" to my chosen
lifestyle. Rather, it is my hope that readers will open their minds and
relationships to the special pleasures and possibilities that threesomes
provide.

   First...  I suggest that you let your primary male partner know that you
are now open to...  or wish to pursue...  the addition of one or more
people to your shared "recreational sex" experiences.  Let him know the
kind of fantasies that stimulate you (he and another guy focusing on your
pleasure, he and another gal focusing on your pleasure, you giving
simultaneous pleasure to him and another guy or gal, you alone with another
guy or gal, you and he with more than one other person, etc.).

   He may have already been trying to persuade you to consider a threesome,
etc.  Now, he needs to know that you have made a favorable decision...  and
then have some time to consider his real feelings...  now that he knows
that such experiences are really possible.

   MAYBE he has never proposed opening your sex life to the inclusion of
others.  Maybe it is you who wishes to initiate the idea.  In that case,
you need to open his mind to things gently.  Share in watching X-rated
movies which include scenes which reflect what is on your mind.  Share in
reading Forum or other magazines which feature stories which reflect what
is on your mind.  When you see such films or read such stories, let him
know that they turn you on...  watch to see his reactions.  Ask him what he
thinks of such "recreational sex" experiences.

   Once you have "acquiesced" to his promotion of such extra-partner-sex
situations...  or after you have let him know that the scenes and stories
of threesome sex turn you on...  you need to watch his responses in the
days ahead.  Is he really enthusiastic about the new possibilities ahead...
or is he now reflecting some second thoughts or potential jealousy.

   You may want to talk further about how you both will deal with any
potential jealousy that may come up further down the line.  You may also
wish to make it clear how each of you will communicate with the other about
limitations either of you want to impose on your expanded sex life as
things develop.

   Second...  you will want to ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND that the anticipated new
experiences you are about to have should be SHARED experiences...  shared
between you and your husband, or you and the primary man in your life.

   Early on, you will want to determine which of you will identify the
potential additional person or people you will invite into your shared sex
life.  Will HE bring the extra person or people into your shared bed...  or
will YOU be the one to identify that person and create the setting to bring
that person into your shared sex life.

   Maybe you will want to SHARE in creating a "prospect list" or in
determining a method of identifying a prospective extra person (or
persons)...  or characteristics desired in that extra person (tall, short,
younger, older, married, single, certain physical characteristics, local,
non-local, friend, stranger, etc.).  Or, he may ask you who you think you
would enjoy inviting to join in your expanded sex life.  Or, you may prefer
to put the burden (opportunity) on him.  You may even want to start with
some couple-couple action first, so you can both gain a higher level of
comfort in the earliest experiences...  and so you can make some initial
contacts with others who have opened their sex lives.

   From my experience, a large part of the fun of MFM and FMF threesomes is
the anticipation...  the planning...  the fantasizing about it in advance
with your primary man.  I know women who have not actually experienced
their first threesome until LONG after having jointly decided that they
WOULD DO IT...  enjoying the prolonged anticipation and knowledge that "one
day" it would actually happen.  However, remember that you can fantasize
too much.  Either or both of you can build expectations too high.

   Sometimes it is necessary to postpone that actual first experience due
to a need for privacy, discretion and anonymity.  It may require that you
place ads or follow-up ads...  or that you travel to another city.  It may
require the acquisition of a discrete PO box, discrete e-mail address, or
private voice mail subscription.  It may require the both of you...  or you
or him alone...  doing some initial "interviews," to enhance your shared
"comfort level" with a prospective new guy or gal.

   Even if you choose someone who is a close friend of one or both of you,
it may take some time setting up the right situation (a shared date, a
special dinner, an over-night stay together someplace, etc.) where things
can warm up properly.

   Third...  think about whether you seek ONE-TIME, TEMPORARY or LONG-TERM
additional partners?  I know that the permanent three-way partnership that
my two guys and I live in is rather unique.  Few others will even want to
establish a long-term three-way relationship.  Two-way "primary"
partnerships with an occasional third person joining in just for the fun of
it...  that is the more typical threesome scene.

   However, I have heard from a number of women who have opened themselves
to an extra guy or gal in the sex life she shares with her husband or
"significant other"...  on the premise that the extra person is also a
friend or relative of one or both of them.  I know women who have invited
their sisters or college roommates into on-going threesome pleasures with
their husbands or boyfriends...  and women who have welcomed on-going
threesome relationships when the extra guy was a friend or brother of their
husband or boyfriend.  Some of these women have restricted their threesome
ventures to one, two or three such friends or relatives...  and would not
consider inviting a "stranger" into their bed.

   When a close friend or relative is chosen...  and it works out...  such
relationships can often continue for years.  As a matter of fact, they
usually continue indefinitely, unless one of the parties proves to be a
jerk, or unless circumstances change for one or more of the parties.

   Other women absolutely refuse to consider inviting into their beds
anyone who either she or her guy know or are related to.  Everyone is
different.  Everyone has different circumstances

   When a stranger is chosen, it can be a "one-night affair," or it could
turn into an oft repeated pleasure for all.  Sometimes couples start by
intending things to be temporary or one-time events...  only to find that
they have developed a new kind of friendship that they all wish to
periodically repeat over a long-term period.

   Finally...  keep in mind your own natural feminine tendencies.  Most
women equate great sexual fulfillment and the warmth of sexual sharing with
emotions akin to love.  That is why MOST women won't allow themselves to
enjoy more than one man at a time.

   I went through those emotions in the early years of my sexual
development...  and particularly in the earliest experiences of enjoying
more than one male partner during the same time period (even when it was
not involving group sex).  Men seem less likely to experience these
sex=love feelings.  Percentage wise, more men tend to be able to enjoy sex
for itself...  and keep the pleasure of those experiences separate from
their emotional relationships.

   You need to deal with this question of good sex = love feelngs NOW.  You
MUST make a decision right up front that you will not let your natural
feminine tendencies cause good recreational sex to distort your
perspective. It is RECREATIONAL SEX that you are persuing here, and you are
NOT going to let great orgasms lead you to believe you suddenly have a new
love in your life.

   Once you have decided to open yourself to the pleasure-potentials of
recreational sex, don't let yourself engage in qualitatively-comparing of
your husband or significant other...  with the extra guy or guys.  That
could lead to fracturing of the more-fragile male ego!

   Remember that your objective is (1) to expand your feminine capacity for
higher levels of personal fulfillment with two or more men at one time, (2)
to enhance the sharing relationship between you and your man, (3) develop a
MUTUAL RESPECT between you and EACH of the other participants in your sex
life...  AND, (4) your objective should be to gain a certain control over
the situation...  so you can enjoy experiencing threesome sex more often,
and more when YOU want it.  To accomplish these objectives, YOU MUST NOT
ALLOW YOURSELF to develop any type of infatuation or admiration for "the
extra guy, or guys." Period!

   You MUST do all you can to support your husband's (boy friend's) male
ego...  and demonstrate your special love/feelings for him in a way that is
above any "fondness" you may demonstrate for any other extra guy.  That is,
unless you happen to be as fortunate as me...  and have the two guys
HARMONIOUSLY sharing your love.  Mine is a very unique situation.  There is
NO jealousy between any of the three of us.  But, it wasn't that way...  at
the beginning.

   Remember, the male ego can be a fragile thing.  You can always express
your appreciation for the variety the extra guy or gal brings into your
primary relationship...  but don't EVER praise the other guy's cock or
technique as being better or more fulfilling than your man's cock or
technique.

   Remember...  first and foremost...  ALL of your threesome experiences
should be SHARED experiences which bring pleasure and an uplifting feeling
to both you and your man.  If it doesn't, it probably is not a good
threesome experience!

   If the other guy's cock is longer and feels good...  tell your husband
or boy friend that it feels good...  but not better than when his cock is
inside you.  If the other guy's cock is extra thick, invite your guy to
watch as it stretches you open while the other guy enters you.  Then, hug
your man tightly to you so he can share in the reactions of your body as
you experience this extra fullness within you.  Be sure he knows you enjoy
this new experience...  but that he is and always will be your number one
lover...  and that you appreciate him for allowing you to have this special
experience.

   Then, when the question comes up about a return session with this extra
thick or extra long guy, let your husband (boy friend) be in charge of if
and when.  He MUST know that to you, he is clearly your primary attraction.
In these situations, let him be (or seem to be) "in charge" of your
threesome sex life.  It is a way to assure him he is in NO WAY second rate
to you!  As sexist as it may sound, males often need this reinforcement of
their sexuality and desirability to their women...  even if it was they who
initiated your shared venture into multiple-partner sex.

   In spite of what I just said, you...  as a woman...  need to stay in
charge of your sex life.  If you reach a point where you feel that your
man's ego may have been slightly fractured, do everything you have to do to
reassure him of your love for him.

   Then when his ego has healed, you need to gently ASSERT yourself...  the
sexual you.  You need to let him know that your threesome experiences have
taught you that you enjoy having two guys make love to you at the same
time. And, you have discovered that you enjoy the variety of more than one
sexual partner.  God...  I sure do!

   The Single Woman...  Single women who are being introduced to the
pleasures of threesome sex with a male friend who is less than a committed
partner, need to keep in mind that there is always the possibility that
over a period of time you and the two or more guys in your sex life could
all become an integrated, mutually-supportive social AND sexual threesome
or moresome.  I enjoy such an arrangement...  where all three "partners"
are at liberty to enjoy sexual encounters outside the group...  and where
all three enjoy hearing about such outside experiences.

   There are also times when you will have the opportunity to join a
male/female couple for shared sexual fun.  Those can be expecially
rewarding, whether or not female/female sex play is involved.  You can
always advertise your availability to couples for threeway fun.  Believe
me, if you do, you will get lots of replies.  You just have to be selective
on what couple(s) you choose to explore threeway fun with.

   Finally, you may want to seek out single guys who are seeking a gal who
would like to join them "and a male friend" simply to experience
female-centered threeway fun.

   GETTING STARTED Once a couple has decided to open themselves to the
addition of one or more occasional "playmates," there are some basic things
that must happen.

   1.  I have mentioned it above, but you MUST deal with "the jealousy
factor" before it comes up.  If either party believes they would be jealous
if they saw the other having sex with someone else...  get it out in the
open immediately.  In this event, you will both want to establish a pact
that (a) you will be totally open with each other along the way, (b) you
will only have sex with another partner while the potentially-jealous
partner is present (or only after the potentially-jealous partner knows and
agrees), and (c) UNTIL YOU MUTUALLY DECIDE OTHERWISE, the extra gal will
only be for the purpose of joining the wife in focusing doubled-attention
on the husband...  or, the extra guy will only be for the purpose of
joining the husband in focusing doubled-attention on the wife...  and the
person receiving the doubled-attention will focus their attention PRIMARILY
on their spouse.  Example, while the extra guy is nibbling on her pussy or
filling it with his cock, her husband is cuddling with her and necking with
her while she talks with him, telling him what it feels like to be in his
arms while another guy is stroking in and out of her...  etc.

   2.  Remember to jointly decide on any LIMITATIONS you mutually agree to
impose on your proposed threesome.  For example, she insists that the other
guy wear a condom...  or NOT enter her anally.  Or, he insists that the
other guy NOT come in her pussy or mouth.  Or, you mutually decide that
extra partners NOT be given your real names and NOT be invited to your
home. Maybe you won't have any such limitations, but if either partner has
strong feelings on any of these subjects, set the RULES up front...  so you
can share them (as it may be appropriate) with the third person.

   3.  Decide on THE WAY TO MEET a third person to join you in a threesome.
By now you have probably agreed that you want to focus on inviting a friend
or acquaintance to join you...  or you may have decided that you DO NOT
WANT to involve someone you already know.

   In this later case, you may want to (a) attend a Swing Party for the
purpose of meeting prospective threesome friends, or (b) patronize an Adult
Store or Adult Movie Theater for the purpose of making potential contacts
(this works...  often couples are able to make eye contact with a guy [less
often with a gal] or a couple in an Adult Bookstore or XXX Movie Theater,
motion them to the door of the Bookstore or to their seat within the
Theater and openly let their wishes be known...  without fear of
rejection...  and often with successful results), or (c) patronize a
Topless Bar (this also works...  and can be a way to meet that extra gal),
or (D) follow-up ads or place ads in local or national contact publications
or online.

   This last one is a very good way to meet people, but you probably will
need to have a PO box and/or an anonymous voice mail service (attached to a
pager is even better), or a discrete e-mail address.  This will allow one
or both of you to meet the prospective third person and get to know them
while remaining anonymous.

   Lets say hubby is meeting a prospective guy.  The meeting could be at a
bar or lounge.  Wife could go in first, and sit at another table...  so she
can watch while hubby "interviews" the prospective guy.  They can have a
pre-arranged signal (like wife dropping her hankie on the floor) as a
signal that "he looks good," or "No Way." Then the wife can join them or
not...  as she wishes.  Or, he can excuse himself to the rest room so he
can meet her in the back alone before she joins them...  or before he says,
"We'll call you."

   BE AWARE...  if the guy has never been involved in a threesome before,
you probably DON'T want to select him as one of your first extra guys.

   4.  Have a plan as to WHERE you would prefer meeting this third person
for your first encounter.  At your place?  Generally not a good idea. 
Motels are good.  Motels that offer hot tubs are even better (as a way to
cut the ice).  Adult motels are often the best (they usually offer X-rated
videos on their TV sets...  providing a great backdrop for moving things
along).  If the third person is a gal, you can probably be a bit more
flexible in where you first meet.

   Now that you have the basic decisions out of the way,

   5.  Plan your wearing apparel to fit the occasion.  If you will be
meeting at a beach, pool or hot tub...  you should both consider some
minimal swim wear.  If you will be meeting at a bar, she should dress as
sexy as possible (short skirt, semi-revealing blouse with no bra, etc.) and
if you are meeting a gal, he should dress sharp...  look handsome.  If you
will be going to an X-rated movie in the hopes of meeting a guy, you should
wear a loose, easy-opening blouse with no bra, and a very full skirt with
no panties...  so that within the dark of the theater you can choose to
retain a discrete appearance, or allow access to your breasts and crotch as
the situation unfolds.

   6.  Make plans to DO IT SOON!  Remember, you can fantasize too much. 
Either or both of you can build expectations too high.  Remember also that
the sex you have between the two of you IS LIKELY to be better than sex
with THE FIRST FEW extra people...  just because you know each other
better, and there is less chance of anxiety getting in the way.  You may
get a guy who "gets off" and wants to leave...  without really GIVING
pleasure to you.  Or, you may get a gal who "freezes up" just as the fun
begins.  It may take a few threesome experiences before you locate extra
partners who truly melt into your shared love-making wishes.

   7.  Assuming the threesome went EVEN MODERATELY WELL...  you should both
genuinely thank the third person, and embrace them before they leave.  You
may want to try it again with this person.  They should leave with a
feeling of "warm fuzzies."

   8.  Finally, after each threesome experience, the two of you MUST spend
some time re-living the experience with each other...  what it felt like...
how you would each like it to be different or similar next time...  how you
each appreciate and love the other for helping to make the threesome
possible.  You might even want to EACH write down your thoughts on each of
those early threesome experiences and share them with someone (like me),
just so you can express yourself fully...  and so you can later look back
on those first experiences.

   SOME IDEAS FOR GETTING THE ACTION GOING: When you have identified a
prospective third party and the situation allows, let the opposite sex
dance with that third party...  invite them to join you for a dip in a hot
tub someplace...  invite them to join you in providing a full body massage
to one of the three of you...  or challenge them to a game of "Truth or
Dare" (see my story #3-105).

   If your chosen "prospect" is a friend or relative, consider creating a
setting at your home, motel, beach resort or a ski lodge where you all have
minimal clothes...  or where you can all recline on a blanket in front of a
roaring fire.  Then one of you can start massaging the other...  while
inviting the third person to assist.

   Truth or Dare allows for lots of ways to "break the ice." Certain
"Dares" can lead to the removal of clothes...  or intimate kisses...  or
blind-folded caresses...  or performing certain requested sexual acts. 
Requests for "Truth" can open the way for asking intimate questions about
sexual preferences, past sexual experiences, and determining the other
person's wishes for exploring sex together NOW.

   When the extra person is a guy, the woman can always note how she loves
to receive a massage...  particularly a four-handed, full-body massage. 
Seldom will the extra guy turn down that offer.  Naturally, if oil is
involved, everyone will have to shed their clothes so they don't get oil on
their clothes.

   When the extra person is a gal, you can always comment that hubby loves
to have his back rubbed.  You might start rubbing his back through his
shirt, and eventually ask the other lady to join you.  Then you could break
away to get some oil while the extra lady continues...  and return to
request that he remove his shirt and pants so you don't get oil on his
clothes.  It can start out non-sexual, and then as things warm up, you can
run your oil-covered hand under his shorts while commenting that "this area
seems to need attention too." If the other lady is turned-on by this point,
she will join in.

   NEED MORE IDEAS?  I have a series of stories in my computer...  gathered
over a period of years...  which contains stories by and about men, women
and couples who have allowed themselves to enjoy the of experience of
additional sex partners...  within the context of existing "primary"
relationships...  mostly for the purpose of mutual recreation and enhanced
levels of sexual fulfillment.

   Some of the stories were written by me (Joan), others were written by
people who have written to me to share their TRUE personal experiences, and
some are stories (real or fiction???) that I have found along the way,
which I believe demonstrate the many variations possible when men and women
open themselves to the pleasures that are possible when they add one or
more new people to their sex life.

   These stories can be useful to demonstrate "how-to" stuff to people who
are new to threesomes.  They allow folks who are new to threesome pleasures
to try those things which the reader finds will fit into their "comfort
zone." Some readers will consider portions of these stories excessively
"raw." While other readers will find those same passages erotic and
stimulating.

   You will find my extensive LIBRARY OF TRUE ADVENTURES IN EXTRA-PARTNER
SEX on-line at:
/files/Authors/Joans_True_3-some_Stories/

   If you would like to receive a current list of my stories via e-mail,
simply request it by e-mailing me at JJJ3313260@AOL.COM.  Simply drop me an
e-mail note with some information about yourself (certifying that you are
age 18 or older) and your level of experience or your particular
fantasies...  and request a specific story or two.  I will e-mail them back
to you as attachments.

   IF YOU ARE A GAL ON YOUR OWN...  Many single women enjoy bing part of
threesome adventures.  You don't need a primary male partner in your life
who has indicated an interest in threeway play, in order to experience
threesome fun.  If that is your situation, the following suggestions may be
helpful.

   1.  Get yourself a discrete e-mail address and/or PO box, and/or a
discrete e-mail address...  and a private voice mail service...  preferably
with an attached paging service.  These services will enable you be
"reachable" quickly.

   2.  Pick a name (other than your real one) that you will consistently
use.  I know, everyone wants you to be open with them...  but you can
choose to use your real identity later...  if and when you are comfortable
that you are not dealing with kooks.

   3.  Place some ads in local, regional or national publications, or at
one of the MANY on-line adult contact sites.  Be straight forward.  If you
wish to be the "extra gal" for threesomes with couples....  say so!  If you
want to meet with two new guys to double your sexual pleasure...  say so!
If you have some additional incentive to offer (like a full-body massage),
offer it!  Be sure to include your voice mail phone number (if possible)
for replies.  Reply levels to PO boxes and e-mail addresses are somewhat
lower...  but they enable written communication and the sending of pictures
(if you or the guy/couple wish to send them).

   4.  When you get replies...  comply with the requests of the couple or
guy(s) as much as you can.  If you don't want your picture out there... 
have a good reason why you do not exchange photos (for instance, "for
professional reasons").  This is when your e-mail or voice mail with pager
comes in handy...  for quick replies from couples or guys...  when they are
in the mood.

   5.  Suggest a meeting at a neutral place (a bar, restaurant, etc.) where
you can get to know each other (whether it is a guy alone who is replying,
the male or female half of a couple, or a couple).  Then, be there slightly
ahead of schedule...  dressed seductively and cleanly.  Be sensitive as to
what they want to tell you on this first meeting...  not digging for
information that they do not want to give at this point.  Let this be a
fun, friendly experience as you get to know each other.  Don't push forward
too quickly.  But, when it is clear that the guy or couple wants to do
something...  and you feel comfortable with him or them...  be prepared to
go RIGHT THEN if that is what they want.  Bring your own condoms, massage
oils, etc.  in your car or purse...  just in case you will want them, and
in case you end up "going for it" right then.

   6.  Other than the ads you place, you can also respond to the ads of
couples or guys...  although single gals often hesitate to do this, you
could visit adult book stores and make eye contact with any couples or guys
who may come in while you are there...  again, although single gals often
hesitate to do this, you could visit X-rated movie houses and sit as far
back as you can.  In this case, watch for couples, or attractive guys who
may come in.  Make eye contact with guys or couples that appeal to you...
if you can.  When the situation seems right, be GENTLY AGRESSIVE...  move
over near them and (if possible) start a conversation.  Nothing ventured,
nothing gained!  There are minimla downsides to these last two suggestions.

   Believe me, even single gals can enjoy multiple-partner sex...  if they
make things work for themselves.  The means of discrete communication (PO
box, discrete e-mail address, voice mail, pager, etc.) are essential if you
want to make new contacts.

   I sincerely hope you will enjoy yourself by opening your feminine sex
life to all of its potential!


   Love, Joan in Colorado