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 My Wife Has A Regular Outside Lover

   I met my future wife when we were in our teens, and I was a virgin.  I
felt very possessive about her, and somewhat insecure, as she is very
beautiful and vivacious.  She attracts a lot of male attention.

   Looking back, I wonder about my deeper feelings, because I fell for her
despite (or maybe because) she was very clear she wasn't into being
exclusively one man's woman.  At first her revelations gave me pause, but
the more I thought about it the more I thought it was only fair that she
have as many lovers as it took to keep her sexually satisfied.

   Before I had full sex with her, while we were just getting intimate, she
told me about her having a brief very sexual fling.  When she told me about
it I had a mixture of feelings, but mainly I was very aroused and even more
attracted to her.  When I did finally get to have her, I was very conscious
that another guy had been there before me.

   Throughout our relationship the thoughts of other men having her were a
constant combination of pleasure and torment for me.  We often talked about
it during sex, and there was an excitement in me whenever she was around
other men.  I loved to see them flirt with her, and to imagine them pairing
off.

   I think at that during those pre-marriage days I was ashamed of my
feelings.  I remember worrying that I might actually want to lose her, or
that my feelings meant that I was a repressed gay.  Of course neither of
those thoughts were (or are) true.

   My shame for my feelings during those days caused us to miss some real
golden opportunities.  Once she told me that she had gotten very close to
our live-in male best friend, and they had hugged and wrestled.  I should
have given my blessing to them to sleep together.  But I was too nervous to
say it...  and the moment passed.  I do regret that.  They have both since
told me how much they wanted to, and I am sure we could have had a
memorable summer.

   Another time an ex-boyfriend stayed over with us.  The air was crackling
with sexual tension.  She told me that night that she dreamed about going
to his bed and making love.  I did say that I would be OK with that, but I
think my nerves must have showed...  at least she didn't go for it...  and
he left a few days later without having her.

   It was when we got married that things moved on for us.  That was when
my new wife became much more assertive about wanting to experience other
men.  A few months after we got married she took another lover.  He has
been her regular lover for all of our marriage (9 years now).

   I have felt jealousy and fear at times, but I have come to accept that
she loves me, while she loves to make love to him.  I have also come to
understand that I actually love her to be his!

   I share her excitement when she is about to go to him.  I like to see
them together, and to see the physical togetherness that they share.  I
love the excitement of knowing he is having her.

   I love them being intimate and sleeping and being together, and I love
that she has chosen to mate with only him (other than me).  I enjoy all the
physical evidence of her relationship with him on and in her body and
clothes.

   I am very interested to see that I'm not alone in this lifestyle.  I
wonder if one day our lifestyle and feelings will be more acceptable.  My
ideal would be to live with my wife and her lover, and for them to be
completely open and intimate around me without restrictions of convention.

   It's much less important for me to have her physically, and I have often
abstained for long periods at her request.  I am very much in love with
her, and even more infatuated with her as time goes by.

   For what its worth, I was brought up in a home where there was a lot of
openness about bodies and sex.  I also had older sisters, so my first
awareness of sex was vicarious as they started to explore their sexuality.

   I would describe myself as fairly gentle and introverted, whereas my
wife's lover is quite macho and very sexually dominant and aggressive.