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 Her Perspective on Being Shared with Other Men

   Received during December, 2009

   My perspective has changed over the past year as it relates to
relationships and sex.  My early perspective was very conservative, and was
shaped by my Irish Catholic upbringing .

   My divorce (due to cheating by my former husband) was a traumatic end to
that perspective...  the pendulum shifted wildly to the other side, and I
was, for a period of several years, a bit slutty.  Looking back on it I did
quite a few foolish things, and was fortunate to not have to pay for those
risks.

   And while being a naughty, slutty divorcee...  I was pursued by a man
that saw more in me than I saw in myself.  He helped me rebuild a
self-confidence that was shattered.  That man became my soul mate, my
lover, my friend, my husband and the father of my children.  He even
adopted my son from my first marriage.

   When Marty (not his real name) and I became engaged, I stopped seeing
other men.  I had already started to "slow down" as our relationship
deepened, despite Marty's comments that I could still see others if I
wished.  As our marriage approached we continued to talk about the idea of
me being shared by other guys, but at that point I was not comfortable
being with other guys.

   I did not then, and to some degree still do not now, understand why
Marty gets so aroused by my having sex with other men.  I do understand
that he does get aroused, but I still don't understand all the "why's".

   Marty did not push me to do any more than I was comfortable with.  But
he did make it known that he was not only OK with me seeing others...  but
that he enjoyed my doing that...  and yet, that it was my decision.  So we
talked about it...  both before and after our marriage.

   Even though I had seen several times how aroused he got when I was with
other guys, it was still hard for me to understand that he was OK with all
of this.  We shared our fantasies...  what turned each other on.

   We talked about what...  if...  how...  where...  and limits.  He only
had two.  He wanted to be able to "OK" anyone that I saw.  He didn't want
to choose them, but he wanted the ability to say "no".  The other limit...
no penetration if he wasn't there.  I've never understood that one
completely, but it's important to him.

   So oral was OK without him there, but anything more...  he wanted to be
there.  I also shared my limits with him...  one being that just because he
gave me permission to play with other men...  he didn't have permission to
play with other women.  I know some (if not most) of you will say that's
not fair.  You're right...  it's not fair.  It's just how I feel.  I may be
insecure, or jealous, or whatever...  but it is how I feel.

   My first "first" was three months after we married.  It was spontaneous,
and I really didn't follow Marty's rules.  Because it was spontaneous, I
couldn't give Marty a chance to say "OK" or "no".

   I was in a mall, shopping on my day off.  I practically bumped into the
guy and immediately we recognized each other.  I had met him one evening
when I was a divorcee...  before meeting Marty.  I had met him in a bar.  I
had gone out to his car with him and given him a BJ.  I remembered him very
well because I had never met anyone like him before or since.  I had no
idea that a man could ejaculate that much.  That first meeting between us
became very, very messy.

   We really didn't say much to each other.  We really didn't need to.  I
think within a minute or two he was escorting me out of the mall.  He had a
new vehicle...  a pickup.  We drove to a park, to the very back where it
was more secluded.  His cock wasn't large, just average, but very hard.

   He moaned...  a lot...  much more than I remembered from the first time.
And he came...  just as hard as before.  I counted as I swallowed each
spurt...  knowing what to expect.  As he drove us back to the mall I
remember feeling a bit giddy...  almost smug...  about finishing him that
time without a mess.

   He dropped me off and we both said, "thanks" at nearly the same time.  I
moved my packages from his truck to my car.  I got in behind the wheel of
my car, and that's when the first bit of guilt hit me.  I had just cheated
on my husband.

   I worried all afternoon.  He knew something was up when he got home, but
let me tell him when I was ready.  I waited until after I had put our son
to bed, and then told him as we sat in the living room.  I wasn't at all
sure how he would react, and I braced myself for the hurt I was going to
inflict.  I remember my tears as I confessed.

   I told him about meeting the man at the mall...  about the first time we
met several years earlier...  about the park that day.  He listened
attentively.  He wiped away my tears.  He kissed me and then took my hand
and led me to the bedroom.

   He gave me maybe the best oral servicing I think I've ever had.  He
wouldn't let me please him.  I don't remember how many times I had an
orgasm...  maybe only two, but both were so incredibly intense and seemed
to go on forever.  I remember straining during them...  and barely able to
breath afterward.

   We fell asleep together...  in each other's arms...  knowing we were
OK...  better than OK...  much better.

   We talked more about it that first weekend.  He did chastise me a
little. He said I can't do things like that on my own.  He didn't care that
I knew the guy from once before, but that I didn't really know him really
at all.  Of course he was right.

   Then after dropping our son off at my mother's...  he made me show him
where I did the other guy.  We drove to the park, and back to the secluded
area.  He made me tell him exactly where we had parked.  He parked in
exactly the same place.  He then unzipped and pulled himself out.  He told
me to show him the rest of it.  With a smile I leaned over and did just
that.

   We talked about it more or less over the next few weeks.  He told me he
would have really enjoyed seeing that first time with the other guy... 
when it was so messy.

   So that was my first "first"...  my first sexual experience since being
married...  my first extramarital BJ.

   The second experience was after we had been married for six months.  It
involved a good friend of Marty's.  They went all the way back to
elementary school...  best friends.  He was over on a Saturday night... 
divorced for a year.  There was some alcohol.  I was definitely tipsy. 
There were some cards.  They taught me how to play poker.

   They taught me well, because I won most of the chips.  Marty suggested
we play strip poker.  Giddy, I agreed.  I discovered that maybe they hadn't
taught me how to play poker very well after all.  Very soon I had to choose
between my shorts and my bra.  Marty had already converted me to not
wearing panties.  I chose my bra, but after the next hand it made little
difference.

   Marty told me that I had to start doing favors since I had no more
clothing.  It started out as kisses...  then kisses while I sat on their
laps...  then touching.  It seemed as if I was losing every hand, but I no
longer cared.  Suddenly I found myself sitting on my chair as Marty's
friend stood in front of me...  my fingers curled around his cock, the tip
wet with arousal.

   I took one last glance at Marty before leaning forward.  That was the
first time Marty watched me with someone else...  close up.  He had always
been some distance away.  I heard both his friend and Marty groan as his
friend's cock slid past my lips.

   That evening was also the first time someone watched me give oral
pleasure to Marty.  It was the first time while married that I was fucked
by someone other than the man I was married to.  It was the first time I
had a man inside both my pussy and my mouth...  something I discovered is
pure heaven.  It was a series of firsts.

   There have been other firsts since then...  but those two times were the
ones that opened the door to my enjoying other guys with my husband's
blessing...  and usually with his full participation.