Disclaimer: Whenever I use the words "romance," "attracted," "crush," and "infatuation," as well as their variations, I am using them in a platonic sense. References to sex are platonic, unless specifically stated otherwise. When I say "pedophile," I am referring to an adult with a platonic attraction to children. "Child molester" is exactly what it sounds like. Summary: In this third of a 5-part essay, I talk about discrimination towards pedophiles and the risks of coming out. Pedophiles are a lot more common than people realize. Living next door, delivering your mail, serving you at your favorite restaurant, starring in your favorite movies, etc. Some pedos blend in quite easily simply because the masses think we're all as stupid, uncontrollable, and dangerous as the people in the news. While the masses are wallowing in paranoia over idiots masturbating in playgrounds, and inspecting computers for child porn, some pedophiles are happily married to adults, admiring kids from afar, and have no romantic or sexual interest in their own kids. You've probably hung around a few pedos for years without even knowing it. Maybe you still are. And the only reason you don't know is, not because they never touched your kids, it's because of our need to keep our interests a secret. That's it. Not all pedophiles are obsessed with children; many are quite "normal" aside from being capable of infatuation with kids. Be honest, how would you feel if your long-time best friend admitted and convinced you that he was a pedophile? Would you hold onto the fact that he seemed normal in your many years of friendship and accept him? Or would you spy on him and review every memory and tell yourself about signs that weren't really there? A pedophile who truly wants to overcome his/her sexual urges would be hard-pressed to find a psychiatrist to discuss it with. The moment a pedo--even one who does not want to have sex with kids--admits to their orientation, the "professional" will immediately put their walls up and brand him/her as evil. Maybe even be ready to call the police if the pedo has children of his/her own. How are pedophiles supposed to be cured of their alleged mental disorder if anyone we turn to would rather incriminate us instead, whether we have self-control or not? Not to make excuses for rapists, but to me it's common sense that if someone with sexual problems was deprived of any help with their problem before it's too late, they will eventually go out and commit the crime, regardless of their orientation. Even depression message boards won't take us. I once read a post on a depression forum from someone with a handful of problems, including fear of being a possible pedo. He also said that he once watched a child porn cartoon that creeped him out. Everyone who replied zoomed in on the part about being a possible pedophile and completely ignored everything else he said. They weren't outright disrespectful, but they did comment on their hate of child molesters. Despite the fact that he said in the beginning that the thought of sex with children sickened him. Unfortunately, I can relate to that guy and his feedback. I posted a short rant about the confusion between pedophiles and child molesters on a different forum. Surprisingly, I did get some positive feedback, even from those who disagreed with pedophilia. Of course, the negative responses were nothing more than ignorance. Putting words in my mouth, never giving me a legit reason why they think it's wrong to be attracted to kids, other than the "social norms" excuse, etc. One person assumed quite bluntly that I look at child pornography. Funny thing is, I specifically said in the very first paragraph that I have no interest in doing anything physical, and said multiple times throughout the rant that I hate adults who hurt children. Pedophiles don't have mainstream message boards of our own to frequent. Evidently, some members like to exchange child porn on those kinds of websites, which gets them shut down. If that's the case, go ahead and shut those sites down. But I have a hard time believing that it's impossible for pedos to have a big message board without keeping out people like that. Then again, I'm far from a computer tech. I once visited a small forum for "my kind" of pedophiles. As it was the first time I've been in contact with another pedo, the forum killed off any pre-judgements I had or ever will have about pedophiles. "Normal" people would either dismiss many of the (less than 20) members as liars or be appalled by what they had to say. The forum had strict rules against discussing fantasies. Members weren't even allowed to list celebrities they were infatuated with. And you know that "pedo-magnet" known as Toddlers and Tiaras? Everyone there, including me, despises that show, and other beauty pageants that turn kids into sex objects. I was shocked at how much self-loathing was on that forum. Some of the members believe pedophilia is wrong. Some members considered all pedophiles a risk to children, and should stay away from the kids they're attracted to. Some members believe that mere fantasies are wrong. Obviously, I disagree with a lot of them, but I admire the fact that the mods make an effort to support the troubled pedos and keep the proud pedos from saying too many things that may make the authorities monitoring the forum suspicious. Sure, there weren't many members, but I'd rather judge pedophilia from the text of a few real pedophiles on a computer than millions of non-pedos who only know of one perspective. Sometimes, we do hear the pedophile's side of the story in major media. There are documentaries where pedophiles are interviewed. We often hear them make excuses for what he/she did, how they were abused by their parents, how regretful they are, and so on. Only problem is, the interviewee is typically someone who has been charged with molesting a child. To take their words as the official handbook of pedophilia would be no different than seeing all husbands as abusive just because some of them beat their wives. Like all hot topics, whenever someone wants to share a different, more positive perspective, the masses don't want to hear it. Book publishers don't want to touch the subject of harmless pedophiles. Hollywood doesn't want to show us in a positive light. Even average joes who aren't pedophiles get backlash for trying to educate friends and family of people like me. Society hates to have its morals questioned. They would rather stew in their comfort zone of "that's the way it is," and when someone challenges it with evidence and scientific facts, they just sweep it under the rug and deny it like cowards. Meanwhile, stories from rape victims and the media are all over the place. I hate to say it, but I can understand victims hating all pedophiles. It's natural for rape victims to hate anyone who resembles the offender, especially when they don't know any better about our particular offenders. The media trashes everything and everyone that the masses hate. And the average person doesn't do their own research on anything. So most people are basically putting themselves in a cycle where they choose to believe that pedophiles are evil, they cut off or run from anything that paints a good picture of pedophiles, and they immerse themselves in negative portrayals of pedophiles. Harmless pedos occasionally show up in lesser known outlets to speak out. Some doctors also post their research in online articles. Take a look at the comments on either of those articles, and much of it is just nonsense. In addition to the typical pedophile-child molester confusion, there's arguing about things that have little to do with the article, like whether teens have a sex drive, how pedophilia is still wrong without the sex just because we don't conform to their idea of "normal," etc. Searching for pedo friends in real life is out of the question. Pedophiles don't have a secret code, tattoo, or whatever to help them find each other. We can't start a conversation with a random person with "Isn't that kid beautiful?" We sure as hell can't put flyers on a bulletin board. And let's say that a pedophile does somehow get into a "you come out, I'll come out" conversation with a stranger, and make a new friend. That other pedo could turn out to be a cop, and he/she'd be setting themselves up for surveillance, then framed for taking too long to do anything illegal. Not only that, but there's also a risk of bumping into a pedo who wants more than to fall in love with a child. If a supposedly "normal" person were to come out as a pedophile, he/she wouldn't suddenly go rabid. And yet many people will instantly assume he/she will, and cut that person off from everything. Their kids will be taken away. They'll lose their job. They'll have to literally share the label of sexual predator with the world. Once again, who cares if we never did, never will, have sex with a child? And some people will physically attack him and their label will prevent most people from defending them. With that at all stake, what do we have to gain by coming out? That said, people who think all pedophiles are evil don't have much to base that belief on.