Disclaimer: Whenever I use the words "romance," "attracted,"
"crush," and "infatuation," as well as their variations, I am
using them in a platonic sense. References to sex are platonic,
unless specifically stated otherwise. When I say "pedophile," I
am referring to an adult with a platonic attraction to children.
"Child molester" is exactly what it sounds like.



Summary: In this chapter, I will be talking about my personal
beliefs and interests. The following views do not reflect those
of all pedophiles. Some pedophiles will share my beliefs, others
don't.

  Naturally, I liked girls when I was a kid. When I grew up
chronologically, I never grew out of the attraction. I was around
14 when I first realized that it wasn't considered normal to
still become infatuated with girls under 10. That's my boring,
anti-climatic origin. No childhood trauma, no choice in the
matter.

  Contrary to popular belief about "my kind," I'm not attracted
to every single child I see. I like girls aged 7-12. I also like
teens and women, so technically I like females 7 and up. Toddlers
and babies are out of my range. I have no interest in boys or
family members. I can instantly become infatuated with some
girls, and other girls barely catch a glance. In other words, my
attraction works a lot like "normal people" attraction.

  When I listen to love songs, watch romantic movies, and all
that mushy stuff without people having sex in it, I think
of little girls about 60% of the time. When it comes to explicit stuff like sexually suggestive music and erotic thriller movies, I lean more
towards women. When I'm aroused, I either watch adult porn or
read fictional erotic stories about pedophilia. I don't have
preference for either one, and I keep my mind on whichever I'm
watching. I don't think about kids when watching adult porn, and
I don't read erotic stories about adults. And here's another
broken stereotype: I don't watch child porn.

  It is possible for me to have feelings for a child after she
grows up. Because everyone is different, it depends on the
person. For example, I like Jamie from Halloween 4 and 5. Now
that she's in her 30s, I don't know whether I like Danielle
Harris more as a child or as an adult. I grew up alongside the
Olsen Twins, and still smile at the sight of them as preteens and
teens. As adults, they're nothing special to me. I think Emma
Watson is more beautiful now than ever.

  If I don't personally know them, the girls' looks are all I
have to go by. So if they grow up to lose their beauty, my
infatuation disappears. I don't have any children in my life, nor
do I care for celebrity interviews and news, so I rarely get a
good look at the personalities of my young crushes. I presume that if she kept my favorite traits, I'd still hold my infatuation with a child even
if she doesn't grow up to look as beautiful.

  I'm more romantically inclined than sexually. I'd rather see a beautiful face wearing a heavy coat than a naked girl. I'd rather have a romantic relationship without the sex, whether I'm dating women or thinking about girls. My dominant child fantasies involve hugging, kissing, and playing with a beautiful little girl who is having as much fun as I. By kissing, I mean both little pecks and French kissing. By playing, I mean tickle fights, hide and seek, etc. To me, those things are much more tempting than sex.

  When I see little girls dressed in belly shirts, tight pants,
mini shorts, etc., I tend to stare until someone looks my way.
Usually, I imagine me licking and kissing the girls below the
belt. I can turn fantasies off at will, though I admit I'm pretty
lazy about it unless I'm somewhere where people will notice. If
she's wears heavier or more casual clothes like winter clothes,
long skirts, etc., the perverted side of my mind won't see her.
And aside from YouTube dancers, I don't go around looking for sexy girls.

  I don't fantasize about intercourse at the mere sight of children. The girls have to act a certain way before I think about them in that way. Like dirty dancing in short shorts. Of course, ASSTR stories also do the trick. If I have a crush on the girl, I don't think about intercourse at all. The same rules from above still apply; I don't have uncontrollable urges. I have enough self-control to keep from springing erections in public. I don't make excuses to touch kids.

  I wouldn't act out my more explicit fantasies, even if it were
legal. Nor do I think adults should be allowed to. Penetration
would greatly damage the child, no matter how you look at it.
That's enough for me to keep those thoughts in my mind. I hate
when kids get hurt, especially at the hands of adults.

  I wouldn't do the softer stuff, and not just because of the
laws and what would happen if anyone found out. It's because even
if she has fun at the time, those acts might emotionally and
mentally scar her when she gets older and looks back. For
instance, imagine a girl discussing first kisses with friends,
and hers was a grown man. I can see how that would be disturbing
and embarrassing to some kids. Let alone something a bit more
down the road.

  I wouldn't pursue a romantic relationship with a child, even if
it were acceptable. Far too many complications behind that. Most
children are not mentally mature enough for my choice of a
girlfriend. People tend to undergo drastic personality changes as
they transcend from child to adult, and I am as picky as they
come when it comes to personality. I would not want to deprive
the girl of a chance with boys her own age. Plus, I'm a shy person. As in I'm a grown man who can literally blush at the sight of an 8yo girl!

  Writing pedo stories allows infinite bending of rules that keep
people safe, while my young characters remain unharmed, aside from one
(adult-less) story I'm not proud of. I could write stories about
adult relationships, but I choose not to. The stories are
fictional, anyway, why not make something that caters to
people like me? Adult/adult is available in pictures, videos,
stories, everywhere, so I can actually see it anytime. Stories
are the only form of erotic media that pedophiles can view
without getting arrested or requiring a child to be exploited or
hurt in some way. And if it's true what they say about regular
porn and erotic stories making adults less likely to rape adults,
I imagine -- and hope -- that stories do the same for pedophiles.

  Putting it simply, the worst I can do is fantasize. To be judged as a molester based on my thoughts and stories would be ludicrous. By that logic, why not brand every person who thinks about killing their boss, as a murderer? Why not give the death penalty to the people who make movies like <i>Saw</i> and <i>Hostel</i>? If they're thinking of it and writing about murder now, they'll act it out in the future, right? That's how people who spew their "what-ifs" and "how-do-I-knows" treat people like me. If I have to be killed for an attraction I can't control, people who agree might as well get the same minority report and be killed for wishing death on another human for something harmless.

  Do I think children should be allowed in the presence of
pedophiles? People are all different, so it depends on those
involved. If a pedo has trouble with his/her non-platonic sexual
urges, then he should be very, very far away from children. If
the child likes to flirt, the pedophile should stay away.
Otherwise, I don't see a problem.

  The subject of child marriage comes up surprisingly often in
this topic. Personally, I don't believe in marriage at all. I
have the typical reason: "a few papers, a ring, and a messy way
out won't eliminate the other fish in the sea," blah, yadda.
However, I'm not one to tell others how to live their life when
they're not intentionally hurting others. To be blunt, I don't
care about its legalization. Which, by the way, wouldn't suddenly
allow adults to force kids to stand in the altar with no
objection. In America, there would more likely be a boatload of
special rules in addition to the ones weddings already have. If
it were a forced or abusive marriage, that's another story that I
would have a problem with. And I wouldn't resent it any more or
less than the many forced adult marriages in the world that most
people completely ignore.

  Some molesters and pedophiles who struggle with sexual problems
say that they are the way they are because they were raped.
That's debatable, seeing that I wasn't raped, and I still like
kids. Many serial killers and rapists were abused when they were
kids and grew up to commit those crimes because of that trauma. I
could be wrong, but they seem to have the same problem as the
pedophiles I just named.

  Of course, there's the question of why I like kids in the first
place. Seeing that I like women, too, I can say for sure that
it's for the same reasons many "normal" people become infatuated
with other adults: for their good looks, common interests, how
well we get along, etc. If that's not a juicy enough reason for
you, that's your problem. I find my reason a lot better than
"he's sick and evil" coming from someone who would rather believe
all of us are evil than sit down and have a non-biased
conversation with a pedophile.

  Funny how when some people decide to question life, they ask
questions that can be answered with common sense and an open
mind. Better questions would be: why do I need some epic reason
to become infatuated with kids? Why am I being accused of wanting
to hurt a child when I can't bear to see kids in pain? Why should
I live my life based on a black or white image of right and wrong
when I'm not hurting anyone? Why are humans calling me evil and
sick because of how God or whatever made me, yet it's okay for
them to want me dead because of stereotypes? Why are some of you
going to refute anything I say and continue to brand all
pedophiles as evil?

  Attraction is hard to explain. It's not something you can
dictate or judge in other people; it just happens. It is
conditioning that leads people to believe that anything other
than man + woman is wrong. Do your research on animals,
psychology, and human history, and you'll see how narrow-minded
it is to judge what "normal" love is. To my knowledge, people
don't choose who they are attracted to. If you disagree, go
outside right now and try to become romantically attracted to the
first person you see. I certainly didn't choose to be one of the
most hated, misunderstood groups of people. To me, attraction to
a child, attraction to someone of the same sex, preferring people
of another race, etc. is no different than finding blondes more
attractive than brunettes. It's merely a matter of different
people having different tastes. They don't always have a special
reason for doing so; they just do.

  Yes, I'm aware that children are a different case than the
typically same-age relationships I just named. I know that most
children get over infatuation sooner than adults. I know that the
couples in most adult-child relationships would have very little
in common. All the more reasons why I personally don't want to date a child. If other people want to take those risks, that's fine with me. As
long as the adult respects the child's wishes when he/she wants
to end it. No matter what I think, the important thing is that
they are happy.

  I'm proud who I am, and I wouldn't change it. Why should I? The
only thing I see wrong with me is what other people think. Other
people claim that I'm this and that, but I know what I am.

  They say it's not healthy or "normal" for an adult to fall for
children. All the clues in my life story point to me being born
with an interest in women and girls. That's normal enough for me.
And some man-made rules that will likely change in the next few
years and contradict the ones we follow today can't tell me
otherwise.

  I would never (intentionally) hurt a child, and that's a lot
more than I can say about many non-pedo adults, including the
ones who hate "my kind." I don't believe in corporal punishment.
I don't believe in enforcing my morals onto kids. I don't believe
in manipulating children for the adult's personal gain. It's
normal for society to do those things. And I'm the bad guy?

  Just because I have certain beliefs does not mean I look down
other pedophiles who disagree. I have no problem with other
adults having platonic romantic relationships with kids. I don't
mind pedos who go to beaches and just stare at the kids. I don't
care about people who like girls younger than my preferences. For
all I care, a pedophile can masturbate behind closed doors, away
from kids. As long as they aren't intentionally hurting or
manipulating the kids, it's not my place to label them as wrong.

  It should go without saying, but there are many things that I
don't like about some pedophiles. I don't like adults who find
nothing wrong with sex with children. I hate adults who indulge
in it. Obviously, I hate child porn and those who view it. I
don't like when pedophiles masturbate in public places. I don't
like pedophiles who prowl chat rooms and social networks to
encourage kids to meet them.

  I don't believe in giving child molesters a second chance.
Regardless of what the general public thinks about pedophiles, we
are NOT the same thing. I don't care how sorry they are, how much
they've changed since then, whether the victims forgive them.
Once it's proven that they committed the crime, never mind
prison; they deserve to be tortured to unconsciousness, woken up,
tortured some more, and have the cycle continue.

  I was once asked if I could say that other pedophiles are
willing to keep their fantasies in their head and never act upon
them. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume
that he's not implying that I'm the only pedophile in the world
who doesn't want sex. My answer is, no, I can't say that.

  Like every other group of people, pedophiles are all different.
Some only like children. Some are attracted to kids and adults.
Some are women. Some are teenagers. Some are gay or bisexual.
Some hate child pornography. Some don't even like the stories on
ASSTR. Some are proud of who they are. Some hate themselves for
being pedophiles. And, these are just their pedophiliac beliefs.
There's also the fact that they have the same hobbies, jobs,
insecurities, prejudices, etc. as "normal" people. The fact that
they happen to be attracted to kids is a small part of them that
shouldn't overshadow every other piece of their personality. It's
not like we fantasize about kids 24/7.

  I know, I know, I know. There are many pedophiles who pose a
great threat to children and should be shot on sight. The whole world hears about them all the time. I'm not here to deny or make excuses for them. The purpose of this series of essays is to show a perspective that the masses don't hear about unless they do their own research.

  I don't have to meet other pedophiles to know that we're not
all bad. There are over 7 billion people in the world. God knows
how many of them are pedophiles. Exactly what purpose does it
serve to paint all members of any group the same color?
Especially if all you know about pedophiles is what you know
about child molesters. Especially if you've never met and had a
mature conversation with a confirmed pedophile. With numbers like
that, it should be common sense that harmless pedophiles are just
as diverse and numerous as any other label of people.