[[[-IF4-P6.TXT-]]]
----------------
Island Fever 4: Paradise
Written by: JeremyDCP@hotmail.com
M/F, F/F and a whole lot more
----------------
Chapter 06: "Pamela"
-------------------------------------------
As the author and narrator of this story, I am trying
something entirely new and different with this chapter.
One of my lovely brides, Pamela, has been itching to lend
her own two cents to the story - and give you (the reader) a
different and very fresh perspective. I have agreed to allow
Pamela to do just that, and also gave her free reign to write
about any topic, experience or memory she has in regards to
our life together, and marriage.
Pamela will take you, the reader, back 18 months in time to
the date of December 5, 2013. That was the day following the
medical scare when it was believed that Pamela had a heart
attack at work, and was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
Kristanna and I flew overnight from Peru to be there and lend
whatever support we could to her.
According to Pamela, what happened that particular night -
and the following morning - was the turning point of her life.
It sent her on the road to self-redemption, and happiness.
With Amy's own, recent medical issues, Pamela felt that
sharing this tidbit of her past - and more importantly, her
perspective on it - would make for an interesting read.
But first, I will share an except from chapter two of
"Island Fever: Eternity" to help set up Pamela's narrative.
This will give you (the reader) a brief history lesson. The
following, of course, was conveyed in my own words. It was
also written when Pamela was not on the best of terms with
Kristanna and, quite frankly, vice-versa. >>>>
--------------------------------------------------
"I'm a stripper, thus I have no insurance through work. I
can only imagine what this place is going to charge me once I
get the bill. You'd think with all the money hospitals make,
their beds could be at least be comfortable. But no..."
"You won't pay a cent," I told her. "I'll take care of
it. I will take care of all of your medical costs."
Pamela sighed and shot me a disapproving glare. "I don't
want your charity, Jeremy. I never did. And I never will."
She made a motion to reach for the cup of ice water, but a
few of the wires attached to her body got tangled and her
arm got caught. Exasperated, her entire body jerked and she
threw a split-second hissy fit. "I hate this place!"
"Let me," I insisted, grabbing the cup of ice water and
then handing it to her. "There."
"I feel like a lab rat with these things all over me!"
Pamela whined, upset. "This bed feels like a giant rock!
I just want to go home!"
"Can you sit up?"
"Why?"
"Just try," I pleaded. "Try to sit up, and not mess up
any of the wires or the other equipment in the process."
It took some doing on her part, but Pamela was able to sit
up on the bed. Being careful, I nudged my way in a little
behind her, then wrapped my arms around her midriff in a
tender embrace. In this position, she could recline upon
me instead of the unforgiving mattress. "Much better," I
nodded, starting to rock back-and-forth in a gentle fashion.
I took the cup of ice water from her right hand, only then
to bring it up to her lips. "Drink," I whispered. Pamela
took a small sip, then crunched on some ice with her teeth.
"Is there anything I can get for you?" I asked yet again.
"You know I will do anything to help you. Anything at all."
Pamela turned and made eye contact with me. Tears were
still flowing down her face as she begged, "Please don't ever
leave me. I don't... I don't want to lose you... again."
"Whoa, sweetheart," I responded, unsure what to think of
her request. "I have a..."
"I know," she said, cutting me off. "You have a wife.
You... have the other girls. You're not giving that up.
I'm not... I'm not asking you to." Pamela took a deep,
ragged breath and gulped her throat. She again peered
into my eyes, this time simply asking, "Are you happy?"
"Yes. Yes, I am."
The 30-year-old offered a faint smile, yet a new tear
slid down her cheek anyway. "Good. You deserve it."
"Are you happy?"
Pamela began to sob once again. "N-No..."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't have you," she answered honestly, before
completely breaking down and losing control of her faculties.
Pamela balled up a pair of fists and punched each of my
shoulders with them several times in succession. "WHY DO YOU
HAVE TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME BACK
INTO MY LIFE?" She slapped at my shoulders now with open,
weak palms. "I'm never going to get over you now..."
"Just come back to the island with us."
Pamela screeched and literally jumped two feet high off of
the bed as Kristanna entered the hospital room while saying
those eight words. Looking as if she had just saw a ghost,
Pamela clutched the bed-sheet tightly to her body as Kristanna
made a slow approach. Obviously, Pamela was not aware that I
had brought company along to Baltimore with me. These two
ladies, needless to say, were not exactly the best of friends.
"What is SHE doing here?" Pamela roared, glaring at me.
"Come back to the island with us," Kristanna reiterated,
causing Pamela to shift focus back to her. "I've been talking
with your sister. You're miserable here in Maryland. You
work six nights a week and have no social life outside of
that wretched strip club. You have shut yourself off from
the rest of humanity. And you refuse to date anyone."
Kristanna was not done. Not by a long shot. "You've been
going to college all these years looking to become a teacher,
yet you know down-deep that no school district would ever
hire someone with a background that includes 12 years as a
stripper. Well... one school would have, but you passed that
opportunity up when you refused Jeremy's offer of help
several months ago. And now, with a heart issue, what strip
club would want you? I am sure dancing and stripping is
hard, strenuous work... that's a lot to put on your heart."
"Get Kristanna out of here, Jeremy!" Pamela seethed,
trying to control her anger. "She is talking down to me!"
"I'm not talking down to you at all," Kristanna growled,
hands on hips. "I'm offering you a solution to end all of
your problems. Come back to the island with us."
"Krissy?" I said, dumbfounded. "How? Why?..." Where was
this coming from? Wasn't Kristanna supposed to be at odds
with Pamela? Weren't these two women enemies, in some way?
Ignoring me, my wife told Pamela yet again, "Come back to
the island with us. Come back, and let's start over. Come
with us to Norway when we travel there in three weeks. Give
yourself the opportunity of finally being happy in life."
"Are you INSANE?" Pamela sniped.
"Your sister told me that even YOU yourself will admit
that the single, biggest mistake that you ever made in your
life was leaving the island and not giving the rest of us -
the girls - a better chance. You were so Hell-bent on
winning Jeremy over and keeping him to yourself, and so
angry at me at the same time because he chose me - he chose
US - over you, that you realized once leaving and returning
home that sharing Jeremy is a million times better than not
having him at all."
"Jeremy may have a wife who loves him more than life
itself," Kristanna proclaimed. "I will do anything and
everything I can to make Jeremy happy. I would DIE for him
if I had to." I narrowed my gaze at her as she continued,
"Jeremy may have four other live-in girlfriends as well.
Lindsay and Amy worship the ground that he walks on. Each
of them cannot imagine what their life would be like without
him in it. Devvy and Trish are very close to him as well.
Both have completely sworn off other men."
"So... Jeremy has a loving wife, he has four girlfriends -
two of which are itching to marry him. Jeremy has all the
money and financial security anyone could ever ask for. He
is, in many respects, leading a charmed life."
Kristanna paused, then added, "Yet there is this big,
massive void in that life. It's been there for five months.
I have seen it every single day. I have lived through it
EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's you, Pamela. It's you, and the
fact that you're not a part of it."
"Krissy, what about all the..."
"Come with us, Pamela," my bride interjected, my words
chopped off in mid-sentence one more time. "I am willing
to forget our troubles from the past because I know that
Jeremy needs you, and you need him. I got him into this
lifestyle, and I knew there would be moments like this
where one day I may have to make a sacrifice. I am willing
to start over fresh with you, provided you have an open mind
concerning our lifestyle and, at the very least, you give
your absolute all to make it work between us."
I was too stunned to even say anything. Was this what
Kristanna wanted all along? Was this really why she had
insisted on coming along for the trip to Maryland? Did she
have prior visions of luring Pamela back into our lives?
And... I had a _massive void_ in my life? Really?
Pamela, meanwhile, was shell-shocked and mortified beyond
any and all reason. It still appeared as if she just saw a
ghost. What exactly was going through Pamela's mind at this
particular moment in time? I really had no idea. She just
sat there, literally frozen, with a blank, empty stare.
Thus, Kristanna offered her hand to Pamela and simply
said, "Let's go home."
[The End of "Island Fever: Eternity", Chapter 2]
--------------------------------------------------
(Now, I hand the pen over to Pamela. All of the following
is written by her. She is going to explain what happened
later that day, and the following morning - something I
chose not to do when originally writing the story).
-*- Monday, December 5, 2013 -*-
-*- Nottingham, Maryland -*-
Written by: Pamela
I had a good shower cry. Ugly, hard and stinging, even
though I did not get soap in my eyes. It was brutal.
When the water heater gave out, I finally dried off,
slipped on a tank-top and sleep pants and poured a glass
(actually a vat) of orange juice before heading into my
bedroom. I would have preferred something much stronger to
drink, but it probably would not have been the best idea
since I was just released from the hospital hours ago after
a massive scare involving my heart.
Frowning, I looked around the bedroom and sighed. I had
lived in this penthouse apartment for nearly a decade now, the
exorbitant rent and other expenses associated with having a
place this nice never really an issue for me. It was worth it.
This bedroom lent several memories to me. Watching old movies,
reading countless books... and hours of reflection. The closet
doors were sliding, full-length mirrors trimmed in brass.
How many times had I stood in front of my own reflection
and just contemplated my life and the events which led me to
where I am in the present time? I did it again, walking over
to the mirrored door, but quickly rolling it open and
searching the floor for the plastic container I used to store
what was once on the bookshelves.
Spotting the box, I slid to the floor and took a deep drink
of orange juice. I wished it was wine, or something stronger,
before setting its glass on the nearby nightstand. I wanted
to find my old high school yearbook.
As I dug through pieces of my life packed into a bin, I
refused to let the nostalgia get to me. They were things
from my bookshelves, that is all. Not _me_. A tiara from
homecoming, a framed picture of me in my cheerleading uniform,
a dried corsage from prom, the program from the Miss Teen
Maryland pageant... they were distant, ancient memories of a
girl who, quite simply, no longer existed. She was long gone.
I had no one to blame for that but myself. Oh, I may have
took home $4,000 to $5,000 in cash per week from my job which
allowed a penthouse such as this, but at what other cost?
Being an exotic dancer for the past 12 years had burned and
scarred me to what I felt was the point of no return. The
endless putdowns and insults from nameless, faceless
customers, the constant reminder that, as the customer, they
had all the power and I was a measley, little insignificant
stripper providing them a service (a lap dance).
I was, for lack of a better term, nothing more than a tool.
The drunken customer sees one tiny imperfection, or finds a
flaw, when I approach him to try and gauge his interest? He
prefers a brunette, instead of a blonde? Just toss me aside
like yesterday's garbage (and say something very rude and
crass while doing so). Me, try and retaliate? Lose my job.
My trust in humanity and, much more importantly to me,
the confidence I once had in myself had been shattered long
ago. I was not throwing blame, or pointing fingers, at
others. I had gotten myself into this mess on my own.
In the closet, I lifted a graduation cap and my fingers
hit the hard edge of a book cover.
_[High School Name] Yearbook 2001... A New Day Has Come_.
The edition was more serious than most years, less emphasis
on partying at the shore and more emphasis on making a
difference in the world. I had goals and aspirations of
making a difference once. I wanted to be a schoolteacher.
Oh, I had changed so much since those days.
I leaned back against the bed, reaching for another sip
of orange juice, before opening the book. Then I flipped to
the seniors and the pages automatically opened to the latter
half of the alphabet, with my picture on the left-hand side.
I stared at the photograph, unable to imagine that this
smiling, pretty girl who had her whole life in front of her
would one day feel so burned out and jaded by the rigors of
the world, and the path she had chosen. So horribly down
and depressed, buried in a hole she could never get out of.
It all stemmed from the career path I chosen.
A friend of mine talked me into it; I auditioned to be a
stripper at the age of 19. My friend made it sound like it
was easy money. Just show up, smile and be happy, but leave
your emotions behind. That was the most important thing.
Don't let things get to you here, she said. The money was
great! Of course, Mandy did not tell me that this was how
she supported the cocaine and heroin habits that eventually
killed her, but that is a whole other story by itself.
Fortunately, I never touched drugs in my life. Although for
the past 12 years, they were constantly all around me.
I certainly did not think I would still be stripping here
in December 2013 when I first took the job in January 2002.
At first, it was just a way to build a tuition fund. That
is what every stripper says, right? But Mandy was right.
The money was good. It was too good to walk away from.
I woke up one day, perhaps in 2008 or 2009, and it hit me
like a ton of bricks. I realized what this job had done to
me. It took me that long, but I finally realized what I had
become. Little by little, due to the never-ending stress and
constant verbal abuse over the years, pieces of me had been
torn away. Eventually, my soul was being ripped at.
In my bedroom, I rolled the closet door back and stared at
my own reflection. I tried to see myself through the eyes of
Jeremy and Kristanna via the mirror. Well, Jeremy actually.
Both of them were spending the night in the guest room across
the hall. But all I saw in the mirror was a shadow of the
woman I could have been, and certainly not the woman that
Jeremy always claimed and thought I was.
I closed my eyes and released a painful sigh. I could not
go the rest of my life alone, could I? Jeremy and Kristanna
were offering me a way out, but it meant...
A cold shudder passed throughout my whole body. I wanted
Jeremy. I really, truly felt the desire for a man that I
feared my job (and other decisions I had made in life) would
never allow me to experience again. But there it was, alive
and sparking in every nerve ending in my body. I wanted him.
How many more men would actually come along in my life who
made me feel this way? I honestly felt that Jeremy was the
end of the line for me, mostly because no other man ever came
even remotely close to comparing with him. Jeremy would be my
standard from now on, and thus, all others would fall short.
He was by so and away... better, than everyone else.
Oh, it had been so long that since before meeting Jeremy, I
had made love to a man who actually cared about my feelings.
I just could not trust anyone. I had no faith in others.
But Jeremy was different. Jeremy was my white knight in
shining armor. Oddly enough, he wanted to love and care for
me as well. But there was a catch. There always was. In
order for that to happen, I had to enter into a relationship
with not only him, but also his wife Kristanna, and his four
live-in girlfriends in Devon, Trish, Lindsay and Amy. One
day, I was certain, all of them would be his wives as well.
And he wanted to fit me in there with them... somehow.
Marriages and relationships, at least in my mind, were not
supposed to consist of massive orgies and parties where truly
anything goes. My ideals revolved around a man and a woman
in love, getting married and eventually raising children
together. Isn't that the way God intended it to be?
But I loved Jeremy so much. I left the island seemingly
for good back in July, but immediately felt it was the single,
biggest mistake I had ever made in my entire life. I needed
Jeremy. I was burning for him. Why had I been so stubborn,
and not given the idea of a group relationship with Jeremy,
Kristanna and Devon more consideration? (Since that point in
time, Trish, Lindsay, Amy and Scarlett had also been added).
Last night, I collapsed on stage at the strip club in
Towson and was rushed to the hospital with what was
originally believed to be a heart attack. I can safely say
that not only had the strip club ripped away my dignity, but
now it was trying to claim my bodily organs as well. Oh,
the scare was not quite so bad, I suppose. I had a heart
condition known as _stable angina_ that, I just learned
today, was totally controllable with the proper medication.
But lo and behold, as I was laying in the hospital
overnight with what seemed like thousands of wires attached
to every square inch of my body (and before I knew what my
true ailment was) my white knight in shining armor was
galloping my way on his trusty steed from halfway around the
world to be at my side (okay, Jeremy was on an airplane, but
that does not sound near as dramatic). He brought Kristanna
with him, and the two offered me another opportunity to come
and re-join them, and be part of their developing family. I
still had yet to give them an answer; I promised I would have
one in the morning.
Tears began to well up within my eyes as I continued to
gaze upon my own reflection. Why was Jeremy so interested
in me? What could I possibly give him that Kristanna had
not already? Hell... Devon, Trish, Lindsay, Amy? What could
I possibly offer that would better and further what already
must be a perfect life for him?
And what if, eventually, he saw me for what I already knew
I truly was? What if one day, he learned the truth?
I. Am. A. Stripper.
Nothing more, nothing less. Certainly no good to anyone,
too much of a recluse to trust others and let them in. I did
not deserve a kind and wonderful man like Jeremy.
With tears streaming down my face, I exited the bedroom
to get a bite to eat from the kitchen, but found a blazing
fire in the fireplace, and Jeremy on one knee, adjusting the
glass enclosures around the cackling flames.
Jeremy was bare-chested, but wore a pair of gray sweat
pants. In the firelight, the muscles and cuts of his bare
chest looked like an artist had painted them. I had not
seen him without his shirt on in five months...
"Wow," I said, trying to compose myself, as I ventured
closer to him. "I'm impressed."
"Don't be," Jeremy told me. "All I did was find the
switch and turn on a gas fireplace." He stood, his body on
full display, the drawstring around his waist loose enough
so the pants fell over narrow hips, revealing more of his
masculine form. Did he really think I was referring to his
ability to start a fire with my prior comment? Jeremy was
so naive and humble sometimes, it was downright adorable.
My heart then turned to hot butter when he extended his
hand and insisted, "Come here."
I do not know why, but before I went to him, I tossed on
a robe and pulled it tight. It was more for protection,
because I was not feeling cold at all. But protection from
what? I walked closer. Suddenly, I was scared. I was
scared one day he may learn... the truth. Would Jeremy toss
me aside like a piece of trash as well? That's right... I
needed to shield myself, and protect the awful, nasty truth.
Jeremy already knew that I was a stripper, no doubt, but
did he know that a man as genuine and heartwarming as he is
could do so much better than landing a stripper? Hell, he
already had. Yet Jeremy still wanted me.
"You keep your refrigerator stacked, Pamela," he said.
"Would you like anything from it?"
"I'm not hungry." I just left my room to get a snack,
right? But I told him I was not hungry. "It's too late for
food," I mewed, "and too early for coffee." I was starving!
"The magic hour of midnight," he contemplated with a smile,
taking my hand. "Let's enjoy the fire, dear, and maybe you
will fall back to sleep. You need your rest."
Doubtful, but the offer was too good to fight, so I let
him guide me to the floor, fluffing up the big down comforter
around us, making it a soft bed. Jeremy leaned against the
sofa, facing the fire and I naturally, so, so naturally,
curled against his broad chest and let him wrap a strong,
reassuring arm around me. Could we stay like this forever?
Silent for a moment, he stroked my hair.
"I want you to come back to the island, Pamela, and then
move to Norway with us," he said, the low baritone of his
voice so incredibly calm and soothing. I could not help it;
I found myself snuggling even closer to him. His fingers
threaded my hair slowly in response. "I don't want to lose
you again. I want to take care of you, and provide for you.
I want to give you everything you deserve in life."
Those words actually hit low and hard, making me close my
eyes while he continued. Just exactly what did I deserve in
life? A brass pole at the _Gold Club_ named in my honor?
"Will you come back to the island with us, sweetheart?" he
pleaded. Yes, Jeremy was pleading with me. It should have
been the other way around. "Will you give our way of life
another try? Kristanna was right earlier... what she said at
the hospital. There is a major void without you in my life."
"More than anything though, Pamela, I just want you to be
happy. You're not happy here, and I can tell that. We can
tell it." Jeremy shifted, moving one sizable shoulder under
my head. "I know that all of us could make you happy."
I could not say _yes_ to him. Not yet, anyway. I was
scared. I was scared of everything, actually. Could I
actually share this man with five other women?
And Kristanna as one of them? The same Kristanna who just
24 hours ago I would have ranked as my ultimate enemy in life?
The same Kristanna who, this past summer, went out of her way
to persuade Jeremy into a relationship with her, and away from
a one-on-one relationship with me? The same Kristanna who
insisted to Jeremy that Devon was also a much better match for
him than I was? The same Kristanna who I once hated?
And yes, the same Kristanna who showed up alongside Jeremy
at the hospital earlier, and offered me an equal spot in their
life and marriage? The same Kristanna who had been so sweet
and attentive toward me today that I was starting to change my
tune about her, and the unique ideals she had.
"Are you happy, Pamela?"
That question, after 20 seconds of silence, hit me like a
gunshot. It was the second time he asked me it today. Jeremy
tickled my cheek with his fingertips, then met my gaze with
one full of emotion and promise. He already knew the answer.
"You need... someone." Yes damnit, I need you, Jeremy!
"You need someone to treat you... right." My heart folded
in half, stabbing my chest. "Let it be me. Let it be US."
He resumed his hair twirling and cheek caressing, our legs
stretched out in front of us, the rest of his body still.
"Where is your wife?" were the only words that came out
of my mouth. Really? That was all I could say to him now?
"Krissy is laying down in the extra bedroom," he told me.
"May or may not be asleep. I told her I wanted to start a
fire." I started to move, but Jeremy tensed his arm and kept
me where I was, gathering up a handful of hair and bringing
it to his nose to sniff. I felt so safe and secure under his
powerful, protective watch. "You smell like cherries."
"It's a scented shampoo."
"Krissy is a good woman, Pamela," he advised me. "She is
a very special and truly unique woman. Despite the many
differences you and her have had, Krissy wants to put it all
behind her and start over. She wants you with us, too. She
knows it is what's best for our family, and for you."
This seemed crazy to me. But an icy cold fear tiptoed up
my spine. What if I told him no? Could I give up the man I
loved more than anyone or anything... again?
I could stay here in Maryland and dance at the _Gold Club_
until I got so old that they decided to kick me out. What
then? Ahh yes, I could go to a much lesser, seedy strip joint
whose standards were not quite so high, and maybe continue
stripping well into my 40's. By the time I turn 50, I would
be so old and washed up, totally broken down physically and
especially mentally, and I would be... alone.
Surely, the college degree I was about to get was not going
to do me any good. What school system would hire a teacher
who had such a long and extensive history as a stripper?
Well, maybe I could provide some entertainment for the fathers
at the PTA meetings in a separate room. Ask them to whip out
their wallets? Isn't that all I am really good for in life?
Jeremy took my hand and pulled me down so we could lie next
to each other. He proceeded to line up our bodies with him on
his back and my head on his shoulder, our legs criss-crossed.
We sank into the fluffy down comforter, and he literally
wrapped us together as one. There were no cars passing by or
other noises from outside at this time of night. All I heard,
in fact, was the soft hiss of the gas fireplace and the steady
thump of my pulse against my throat.
Waiting for that to slow to a normal rate, I did not talk,
but let my breathing even out. Unable to resist, I ran my
fingers along his chest. I felt a surge of electrical passion
and desire shoot through me and invade every inch of my soul.
"Come with us," he urged. "Come with us, Pamela, and I
promise you that no one will ever hurt you again. I swear
to you. You deserve better than this."
"I know." Did I?
"No, you don't. But I will prove it to you. I will show
you. I will show you what happiness is, and what it feels
like. And once you're sure, once you're absolutely, one
hundred percent sure, I will marry you, Pamela. I will marry
you, and we will have babies together. And you will find
yourself drowning each day in a sea of love and happiness."
Jeremy pulled me up closer, brushing a kiss on my temple,
wiping away more doubt and hurt with one kiss than he could
ever realize. I then closed my eyes and tilted my head,
accepting the sweetest, softest, most beautiful kiss I ever
received. "I'll never be..."
"Yes you will," he interjected, feathering another kiss
on my cheek, my temple, and finally my ear. "You will be
sure and ready, and happy. And the only tears you'll shed
will be from pleasure and joy. I promise you that."
For a long time, I simply stared at the fire, both of us
perfectly still until Jeremy fell asleep in exactly that
position. I watched him slumber and drank in the sweet
tranquility of the moment, and everything he offered and
promised, and somehow managed to hold back the tears as his
last words played over and over again in my mind.
It may turn out that I would be sure about that commitment.
I may even be ready to take the plunge, and try. But I would
never be happy. Not the way Jeremy wanted me to be, at least.
And that was the saddest thing of all. Me, of all people? I
honestly felt as if I did not deserve to be happy. I had sold
my heart and soul - my body - to the Devil long ago. I was
depressed, and felt hollow, extremely lonely, inside.
I was, after all, a stripper.
* * *
"Hi there, sleepy-head!" Kristanna greeted me bright and
early in the morning, kneeling down beside me with a smile
that was even more golden than her tanned, bronzed skin.
Kristanna giggled merrily, being her usual, chipper self, as
she glanced back at me while nibbling on a piece of toast. I
looked around, having just woke up, but did not see Jeremy
anywhere. Where was he? I wanted him with me!
"Jeremy is in the shower," Kristanna offered, obviously
gauging me and my thoughts. "I hope he is not imposing? He
was wondering if it would be okay if he took a shower, but
neither of us wanted to wake you. You've had a rough time."
"It's fine," I told her, my voice strained. I felt so
sore and achy from everything that happened over the past 36
hours. I never want to be in a hospital bed again!
"Hungry?" Kristanna chirped, breaking her toast in half
and offering it to me. When I shook my head at her, she
shrugged her shoulders and took a big bite instead herself.
Truth be told, I was hungry... even more so than last night.
"Oh, I have your morning medicine ready whenever you want
to take it," she mused. "Are you feeling any better?"
"Not really." Oh, I knew something that would enliven my
senses and make me feel much better. That would be slipping
into a nice, hot shower with Jeremy, and making love to him.
"So what do we have to do to convince you to finally come
back to the island and be with us?" Kristanna inquired,
getting right to the point. She had never been afraid to
speak her mind. "It's time you come home, Pamela."
I held back a laugh. "What is home? Really?"
"Home is the place where you wake up every day and feel
as if you have a purpose," Kristanna responded. "Home is
where the people who love and care for you the most are to
be found. You can share your joys and happiness with them,
but you can also confide in them your fears, your doubts,
your anxieties. Home is where, no matter what, you will
never be judged or condemned, because the others who live
with you and see you every single day... they love you.
They respect you and your decisions, your judgment, the
choices you have made in life - whether good or bad."
I covered my face, trying to hide my emotions. But it was
no use. I had made plenty of bad decisions in my life.
"Jeremy loves you," Kristanna told me. "He loves you more
than you would ever know, Pamela. He talks about you and
worries about you every single day. Please... let us in."
I shook my head at her. This seemed insane. "Why would
Jeremy talk and worry about me every single day? We live
thousands of miles apart, he already has a wife in you, and
he has four other girlfriends who live and share in his life.
Where do I factor into his daily routine?"
"He loves and cares for you," she reiterated. "He wants
you to be happy. He knows he could provide that for you.
It's tearing him apart inside to see you like this."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"You're his wife," I countered. "You're okay with four
other women, and possibly five, sharing him with you?"
"We share each other as well," Kristanna reminded me.
"It is not five women teaming up on one guy. It is six
people loving and sharing their life together as a group."
She paused, then smiled. "You would make seven."
"I'm not the jealous type," Kristanna mused. "You want
Jeremy all to yourself for a day, two days? Three days?
You want to go on a little romantic trip with him? That
would be fine, Pamela. I'm not the jealous type. None of
us are. You take Jeremy away for a day or two, or three,
and that gives me the opportunity to spend more quality,
alone time with one or more of the other girls."
"But I guarantee you one thing," Kristanna quickly added.
"You give our way of life a try, Pamela, and you will not
want Jeremy to yourself. There will be days that you want
to devote yourself to Amy. To Trish. To Lindsay, Devvy.
Hey, maybe even me! You will fall endlessly in love with
all of us. It is just the nature of our relationship."
"I know it may be hard to understand, but look no further
than Lindsay for an example. All you remember Lindsay as,
Pamela, is as a Bible-touting virgin who got scared because
Trish fell in love with her. You left the island too soon.
What happened after you left was that Lindsay realized that
if she wanted to be happy in life - even at her young and
tender age of 18 - her best chance was to be with us."
"Jeremy SHOWERED Lindsay with love and affection during
what was supposed to be her final week on the island,"
Kristanna continued. "So much so, in fact, that the light
popped on for her, and she realized she could not leave."
"I would have never thought that Lindsay would settle
down and enter in a relationship like yours at her age,"
I told her. "But I could easily envision Jeremy turning
up the heat, so to speak, and convincing her to stay." After
all, Jeremy tried to do that to me just last night.
"Jeremy did nothing of the sort," Kristanna said. "He had
no idea Lindsay was contemplating whether or not she should
go or stay. Jeremy was just being Jeremy. To him, it was
Lindsay's last couple of days on the island, and he wanted to
be extra nice to her. We gave them three days to basically
be alone together. Jeremy was being Jeremy and, in doing so,
he made Lindsay fall in love with him and thus, open herself
up to the idea of a group relationship and marriage."
Kristanna was so confident; so self-assured. She believed
in her unique ideals and would never back down from them no
matter the case. Kristanna was also bubbling over with pure
happiness and enthusiasm. She was just so damn _perky_.
Nothing ever seemed to faze her.
In essence, Kristanna was everything that I wished I could
be myself. I would surely never get there going down my
current path in life.
Perhaps I should accept their offer, and give the island
and their lifestyle one more try? This time, an honest try.
Jeremy and Kristanna kept telling me that I did not have to
commit to anything, and could make whatever decision on my
own time. I could even take as long as I wanted. I could
also leave whenever I wanted if I found the relationship to
be unfavorable. I trusted Jeremy and his word. I knew he
would not lie to me and I would not, perhaps, find myself in
a situation where I was being strong-armed into accepting.
More importantly, could I actually fall in love with
Kristanna as I had Jeremy? Would I want to spend that day
she spoke of out with her instead of him? Could I fall in
love with the absolute epicenter of happiness, and positive
vibrations? Could some of Kristanna's zest and zeal actually
rub off on me, and change my life for the better?
I have long had an interest and been attracted to other
women, but I certainly never entertained the idea of settling
down with one. Much less four others, AND a man, all at the
same time! All of this was simply mind-boggling to me.
"I have something to show you," Kristanna said, reaching
for her tablet device and then thumbing through it. "All of
the girls back home got together last night, and took a
picture for you." When she had apparently found said picture,
Kristanna turned her tablet my way and showed it to me. Not
prepared for what I saw in the image, I let out a shrill cry
and began shedding tears immediately.
In the photograph, Devon, Trish, Lindsay and Amy were all
smiling and mugging for the camera. They looked like a big,
happy family. But what got me (and made me cry) was that
all four of them were holding up a huge, white banner, with
a stenciled message full of pink glitter and sparkle on it.
_We love you Pamela. Please come back!_
I do not know why, but it was too much for me to handle.
I could not control myself, or my emotions. I was crying
like a baby. I really should have been embarrassed that I
was acting this way in front of Kristanna. But never had I
been witness to something like that photograph. It was such
a simple gesture on their part and did not take much effort,
but to me it was monumental and tremendous. It blew my mind.
I also wanted to jump into the photograph and hug Amy
because, at one point, she was my closest friend on the
island. Oh... I missed Amy terribly. She had turned her
life completely around in the five months since I saw her
last. Gone were the days of sulky mood swings and that
passive-aggressive demeanor which got her into trouble on
several occasions. From all accounts, Amy was different
now. She was, for the first time in her life, happy. If
Amy could get to that point with Jeremy and Kristanna's
guidance, then why not me? Yeah, why not me?
The circumstances and the road to be traveled were going
to be vastly different, but the end result could be the same.
On her _Facebook_ and _Instagram_ pages, Amy spoke with such
sheer reverence about not only Jeremy, but Kristanna as well.
Amy went on and on about how she was the luckiest girl on the
face of the planet. The myriad of photographs she shared,
with smiling faces everywhere, was proof. Amy was what I
strived to be... happy. Indeed, why not me? Why not me?
Just as she had done yesterday at the hospital, Kristanna
waited a few seconds, then extended her hand to me in an
offer full of promise, and hope. "Let's go home, Pamela."
Yesterday, I did not dare move a muscle. I was confused
and loopy on medication, and did not know what to think of
her proposal. At the time, Kristanna was still a hated rival
of mine. I did not accept her hand yesterday. I was too
scared, and too disoriented. It would have been impossible.
She had held it outward for 20 seconds before detracting it.
Today, however? After seeing that photograph and
listening to Kristanna extoll the virtues of her marriage
and relationship with Jeremy and the other girls? After,
dear God, spending the night wrapped up in Jeremy's arms?
How could I pass this up? Even if I did not agree with or
understand all of the dynamics of their _group arrangement_,
perhaps one day I would. And perhaps one day I would be as
perky as little Miss Sunshine herself.
There was a massive lump in my throat, but I found my
right hand moving forward this time. Ever so slowly; almost
at a snail's pace, it finally reached Kristanna's, and we
entwined our fingers together as one and squeezed gently.
This was the beginning of a new life for me. 18 months
and a little Piper later (not to mention a little Kaden and a
little Dani Grace who was on the way), I can honestly say that
it is the best decision I have ever made. Everything Jeremy
and Kristanna promised me came true, and then some.
"I'd love to go home," I told her in response on that
fateful morning 18 months ago, tears gushing down my face.
And as if on cue, Kristanna hugged me.
<<<- End of Chapter 06 ->>>
==---- -- -- -- - --- -- -- - - --- -- -- --- - -- - - - - --- -- ----==
"Island Fever 4: Paradise
(c) 2015 JeremyDCP
- JeremyDCP@hotmail.com
Feedback is always appreciated!