Cat Dream By: Jem Aura © 2004

This morning I heard a comment on the radio about an old movie "Cat People" and it reminded me of a dream I had as a teenager. I remember seeing the modern version of "Cat People" starring Nastaja Kinsky, but I think they were referring to an older version. I fell in lust with Nastaja after seeing her in "Boarding School", a cheesy flick about three teens determined to lose their virginity during the school year. Nasta was the only reason to watch it. In any case, the picture of the cougar (north American mountain lion) is about the dream, which occurred prior to my seeing "Cat People".

This was without a doubt the weirdest, most disjointed, and most vivid dream I've ever had. When I woke up I wanted so bad to climb right back into it. Even after all this time I can recall it in great detail.

In the dream I was standing in a basement with a sliding glass door that faced the woods in back of the house. It was night. The light shining on the small patio outside the door lit the immediate surroundings but blotted out the rest with intense glare. I was tinkering with something when movement at the door caught my eye. A beautiful young girl, tall and graceful, with long blonde hair  had walked up to the door and stood there looking at me. She was wearing a sheer nightgown and I could not help but notice the light penetrating the fabric to illuminate the contours of her otherwise naked body. I immediately felt a connection to her. I did not recognize her  but we were communicating somehow. She needed my help. I became fearful. I could sense that her need was great and that getting involved would be dangerous somehow. I glanced at the lock on the door. Instantly she had sensed my apprehension and, without judging me, smiled a sweet smile and slowly turned toward the woods. As she floated into the gloom beyond the stark patio light, I regretted my cowardice.

She was beautiful. I was standing there - stunned. Immovable. As my dreaming mind swam in the eroticism of her image, my attention was again distracted by movement. Trees were moving against the glow of the moon somewhere rising. No. I was moving - walking amid the trees. But why? Fear again seized me. Surely she was nearby. I'm exposed. They - She - can see me but I have the glare stuck in my mind - my eyes.

As panic threatened to spring me from my bed into wakefulness, I felt a soft hand take mine and soft words whisper in my ear. 

"Thank You". She said. 

Turning me to face her she slid her arms around me and held me. Her head pressed against my chest. 

My senses reeled. Fear quickly subsided as my desire for this creature consumed me. I lost a short struggle with myself to find out what her problem was. I preferred to continue holding her forever. Of course she sensed my desire, just like she sensed everything else.  Embarrassment in the knowledge that she knew where my desire had already taken me quickly evaporated as she looked in my eyes. Without a word her look told me that she intended to fulfill those desires, no, wait - she knew my desires would be fulfilled by her - not intent, but more like destiny, or fate, or fact. She knew it and now so did I - but not now.

The girl, the woods, and my mind...  swirled away.

I was running. Fast. Recklessly fast. I was in pursuit of something up ahead. Was it her? A light glow among the trees -  shadows. It was the edge of the woods up ahead. I was emerging from the dark onto a green field. People were all about. Young people - and music. There's a party on the golf course in my neighborhood. Why would they allow a party on the golf course? A stage with amplifiers and everything. It makes no sense. They chase me off if I walk the dog after hours.

But I'm gaining on my prey. I've never run so fast in my life, and tirelessly. It's a kid on a dirt bike. Sounds like a 125cc Honda. Man, that asshole is tearing up the greens. He's ruining it for everyone. They'll never allow a party here ever again. But why did they??  He saw me!  he's trying to lose me - faster. I smell the exhaust and the noise is crackling in my ears. I spring into the air and with my left hand took the kid by the neck to the ground. He's hurt - bleeding and terrified. I seem to recognize him - something familiar.

Fear again began to seep into my psyche. Someone was yelling angrily. Were they angry at me? She's calling me - where? I look up and see her standing at the edge of the woods. She wants me to follow her. I realize this scene on the golf course has nothing to do with her problem - but damn that kid on the motorcycle really pissed me off.

Again the trees drift by overhead as I run down the forest path. Where is she? Up ahead I answer to myself, knowing she was.             Faster and faster I run. My eyes penetrating the gloom easily now. The path twists and turns and I fly on as if my head is mounted on an Indy 500 race car - just above the layer of underbrush my vision skims along.

In my minds eye I become aware of certain realities (within my dream). I see myself from above. A small dot moving along a snaking line - as if on a map. I perceive that the girl is far away now - running much faster than I. But she knows that. She needs to get things ready for me. Why? What?....   For being so connected to her she sure can keep me from knowing certain things.  The map clarifies in my mind. There are boundaries of several forests that are germane to this girl. They overlap. We are in different forests. How did she get so far away? I want her with me NOW.

I run on into the morning, following the beacon in my head. Hours pass and still I run - faster still than I ever have - times five.  My thoughts drift in and out, near and far, of her and of us, until she again stands in front of me. Still dressed the same. Beautiful as if freshly bathed and ready for bed. Beside her is...... something.   An animal. A large cat. A very large cat. It's bleeding - or maybe it's dead. No, I can see it breathing. As I stand with her, bewildered as to what is going on, she leads me away from the animal lying in the clearing.  We are not alone. I see others sitting or standing in the shadows at the edges of the clearing... and mountain lions. Twenty or so people and animals emerge and approach us. We are surrounded by these....  her friends?  An angry face is suddenly nose-to-nose with me. A strong looking and handsome man.  I sense he is jealous, but the girl sends him back into the circle with the others by a wave of her hand. Who is this girl?

Finally I begin to get some answers. Her voice filled my mind and my senses: "We are all that is left of a cursed people. Our line is that of the Cahokia Indian Spirit Guides. The Medicine Men - spiritual leaders of countless generations of Indians. The most powerful spirit is the mountain lion. It's nature to balance that which is out of balance. The blood line of the true Indian is broken and now the greatest spirit is emerging through lesser lines that were formed long ago.” I kept quiet.  "We can sense when we are among our own. Each time we commune there is a spiritual communion in our honor, and the knowledge of this world and the spirit world is temporarily merged. It is time for us to act and we are gathering tonight all that is left of the line. Unfortunately," she pointed toward the injured animal, "we sometimes forget our more civilized nature and someone gets hurt." She gave a knowing look at the man who confronted me. I looked over my shoulder and the injured animal was gone. A man was there sitting, cradling his head between his knees. He was bleeding. "What am I doing here?" I asked.     Those eyes looked into mine. "Surely you know by now. You are one of us - one of the blessed and the cursed. You are here to join with me, with us, in our final days."  With those words "join with me" I took her hands and pulled her lips to mine. We kissed as if an ocean separating soul lovers had suddenly dried up. I could feel her within my soul, mind, heart....  There was nothing hidden - we were connected in a way I could only dream about. Thoughts, feelings, fears, were all shared in the span of a kiss and we were in love with each other as only two people can be who share such depth of intimacy and vulnerability.

Out of the corner of my eye a shadow rose. I stepped back from... her? what is her name? The shadow was a jealous menace in the form of a large cougar and it was aimed at my throat. Frozen in fear I tried to will some movement on my part but foolishly I remained still. The instant that followed was a slow motion dream turned nightmare. My lovely woodland fairy morphed into the largest mountain lion I've ever seen. In the leaves under her leap fell a sheer nightgown. The two collided in the air before me - The larger animal gripping the other's neck in her jaws as they fell. The powerful jaws bore their fangs deep into the attackers neck, constricting blood, air, nerves, life. For a short eternity she straddled her jealous friend, squeezing the last dimness or spark that might have remained out of existence.

She released him, looked up at me, and sprang out of the clearing.

Trees, animals, and consciousness swirled away like morning mists under a warming sun. We were together. Why? How? In my dream I didn't care, because it was the answer to a very earnest prayer. And like dreams often do, The prayer created the reality. It was what I wanted - together and alone in the forest. How did her nightgown find it's way back on her body? Similarly, I didn't care or even notice the discrepancy. But what about this girl? What a contradiction she is. The smallest and most timid human in the group morphs into the hulk of all mountain lions. My love. As a young man, my judgment and decision making is more likely to be skewed while receiving an eyeful of this woodland nymph, lying among the ferns, whom I now know so intimately. My senses helped as well. This girl loves me. She saved my life. As the mists again began to alter the time and place of my dreaming consciousness, we made love. I was weak, inept, and unassertive. She was willful and hungry. The mists swirled as we drank each others passions. Darkness.

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