“An old farmer was pulled over by a young state trooper for speeding.  The trooper, fresh on the job, decided to throw his weight around and he started lecturing the farmer about his speed.  He did his best to make the farmer uncomfortable but eventually got around to writing the ticket.

As he wrote he had to swat at several flies that were buzzing around his head. 

“Having some problems with circle flies there are ya?” asked the farmer. 

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and looked up.  “Well yeah, if that’s what they are” he said.  “I never heard of circle flies before though.”

“Oh, they are pretty common on farms” said the farmer.  “We call them circle flies because they are always circling the back end of a horse.”

“I see” the trooper said as he continued writing the ticket.  All of a sudden he stopped and looked at the farmer.  “Hey…wait a minute; are you trying to call me a horse’s ass?” 

“Oh no officer” said the farmer.  “I have far too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s ass.”

“Well that’s a good thing” said the trooper as he resumed writing the ticket.

After a long pause the farmer continued, “Hard to fool them flies though.”

Why was I sitting in the Landing Strip listening to a want to be stand up comic?  I was there more for the booze than the entertainment.  That and it was the place where Darnell usually hung out.  I wanted to see Darnell in an informal setting.

I thought back to the first time six years ago when I did this same exact thing.  I wasn’t absolutely sure, but I think the stand up comic was even the same one.  As I waited for Darnell to show I remembered that first time.

Darnell was a Detective Sergeant on the local police force and Darnell owed me a couple of favors and I was where I needed to see if I could call one in.  In a way Darnell owed his job to me.  He had been accepted into the police academy and we had gone out drinking to celebrate.  Dar had taken on board a little too much to drink and he drove into a parked car.  A DUI would have gotten him tossed out of the academy so I swapped places with him and took the hit.  Four points and a DUI on my driving record and loss of my license for a year, but Darnell went to the academy and graduated number two in a class of forty-six.

And why did I need some detecting?  That’s why I was at the Strip for booze and not entertainment.  My wife Tracy had just informed me that I was going to be a daddy in nine months and it did not set well with me.  Not that I was against kids and didn’t want any, but because I knew I couldn’t have any.

Tracy was born to be a mommy and one of the things she told me before we got married was that she wanted a big family.  She thought four kids would be perfect.  We had been married for three years and she wasn’t pregnant yet so she began to worry that something was wrong so to calm her down I went and had myself tested.  I found out that I was as sterile as it was possible to be.  My problem was that I loved Tracy so damned much that it would kill me to lose her and I was afraid if I told her I could never get her pregnant she would leave me and find someone who could give her the kids she wanted.  I did the only thing I could think of – I lied.  I told her that the test showed that I should be able to get half the women in town pregnant with just one drop of my superior baby making juice.  Tracey had herself tested and found that she could pump them out if she could just get her eggs fertilized.

We redoubled our efforts.  For a week before and a week after her most fertile times we made love at least twice a day and on her most fertile day we made love three times.  Another year went by with no pregnancy and then suddenly a happy smiling Tracy giving me the great news.  The problem of course being that if she was pregnant it was because SODDI.  “Some Other Dude Did It” for those of you not up on the current lexicon. 

Now I’ve already said that I loved Tracy so much that it would kill me to lose her and as wimpy as it makes me sound I loved her enough to keep my mouth shut and raise some other asshole’s kid to keep from losing her, but – and make that BUT in capital letters – the asshole that fucked my wife was going to have to pay a very stiff price for doing it.  I know that Tracy was just as guilty as the asshole, but I loved her and I already knew I hated the asshole whoever he might be.

I saw Darnell come in and I waved him over to my table.  He sat down and said:

“What brings you to this place?  I didn’t think that you liked this kind of entertainment.”

“It isn’t bad; it just isn’t my kind of thing.  Mainly I’m here because I know that this is where you usually hang out.  I need a favor bud; I need a huge favor.”

“You name it, you got it.”

I explained the situation to him.”

“I know I owe you big Walt, but if it backfires on me I could lose my job.”

“You know me well enough to know that no matter how things fall I’ll keep you out of it.”

“Okay bud; I’ll trust you.  I’ll need a few days or so.”

“Take all the time you need.  I need the info, but I don’t need it in a hurry.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++

“My wife is from Minnesota and for some weird reason she thinks that it makes her better than me because I am from Iowa.  Did you know that the toilet seat was invented by a Minnesotan?  Two years later an Iowan invented the hole in it.

“There was this Swede from Minnesota who bought his wife Lena a piano for her birthday.  A few weeks later Lars asked, Hey Ole, how is  Lena doing with her piano?”

“Oh” Ole said, “I persvaded her to svitch to de clarinet.”

“How come?” Lars asked.   “Vell” said Ole, “Because vith a clarinet she can’t sing.”

The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers.  “Vell how da hell should I know.  Dats two thousand miles from here” he says and hangs up.

“Who vas dat” Lena asked.

“I dunno.  Some fool vanting to know if the coast was clear.”

I was again at the Landing Strip on a Wednesday.  Darnell had called and said he had the information I needed and he asked me to meet him there.  He came in, saw me and headed for my table.  I already had a beer setting there for him and he lifted it, took a pull and then slid me an envelope across the table to me.

“It’s all there.  Just be careful okay?”

“Careful is my middle name.”

“Funny; all these years I’ve known you and I always thought your middle name was Randolph.”

“Got me there.”

“Just try real hard to make sure that this doesn’t come back on me.”

“You know I’ll always have your back Dar.”

“I know bud; believe me I know.”

I opened the envelope, read the contents and then said, “Thanks bud.”

“Any time.”

Three days later Marv Pallister walked out of his apartment and was severally beaten and robbed.  A good bit of the violence inflicted on Mr. Pallister was done to the area of his genitals and I understand that he lost both of his testicles.  Such a pity for a man so young.  I was just a little pissed that his wallet only had $186.00 in it.  Tracy’s pussy was worth a hell of a lot more than that.  At least to me.

Tracy seemed a little out of sorts for a couple of weeks and when I asked if something was wrong she blamed it on mood swings brought on by the pregnancy.  Being a bit of a cynic I didn’t believe her and I put it down to her being upset at what happened to her lover.  Things smoothed out between us and things were good between us until the baby was born.

The ultrasound had shown that the baby was as boy and we talked about possible names.  Personally I didn’t care much for any particular name, but when Tracy said she wanted to name the baby after her grandfather Marvin I dug in my heels and said:

“No!  No child of mine is going to be named Marvin.”

“But you don’t understand.  I promised my mother that I would name my first son after her father.  I have to do it.”

“No Tracy; no way.”

I knew damned well that it wasn’t her grandfather she wanted to name the baby after.  She wanted to name the baby after the baby’s father.

“Why are you so opposed?”

“When I was growing up there was an older kid in the neighborhood and he was a bully.  He made my life miserable for almost ten years until his family moved away.  I hated him with a passion and I’ve hated the name Marvin ever since.”

It was a lie of course, but even though I would pretend to accept the kid as mine there was no way I was going to let her honor her lover.  She pouted some and we finally agreed that the baby’s name would have her father’s first name and my father’s first name as his middle name.  He would be named Jason Louis Walton.

The child was born; a healthy eight pounder and when I picked up the birth certificate at the desk I found that Tracy had named the boy Marvin Walter Walton.  I told them that a mistake had been made and that his name was supposed to be Jason Louis.  They told me that they were sorry, but that is the name my wife told them to put on the birth certificate and I would have to discuss the matter with her.  I went to her room, stuck the birth certificate under her nose and said:

“Just what is the meaning of this?  You know my stance on the name Marvin.”

“I promised my mother.”

“Then you can call your mother when you are ready to leave so she can pick you up and take you home with her.  I’ll box up your clothes and things and send them over to her house for you.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that no one – absolutely no one – with the name Marvin is ever going to live in my house with me.  If you expect to come home and live with me you had best get that birth certificate changed to what was agreed on or you are going to find yourself a single mother with a child to raise and you will do it with no help from me.  I won’t spend a cent on anyone named Marvin.  You can call me when you decide how you want to live the rest of your life.”

I turned and walked out of her room.  I loved her and I didn’t want to live without her.  I loved her enough to raise another man’s child just to keep her, but her position on the Marvin issue was just too damned disrespectful for me to tolerate.

I stopped at a U-Haul place and bought some moving boxes to pack her stuff in because, quite frankly, I didn’t see her giving up on the Marvin thing.  I was certain that it was going to lead to a divorce and when that happened I would stun Tracy when I demanded a DNA test when she tried to get child support.  I loved the bitch – God did I ever love her – but I would not let her humiliate me by giving me her lover’s child to raise as mine and then naming the child after him.

The next morning when I got up I started to put the boxes together and was taping them when the phone rang.  It was Tracy.  They were releasing her at ten and I could come and get her.

“And the birth certificate?”

“It reads Jason Louis.”

“I’ll see you at ten.”

I left the boxes in the living room for Tracy to see when she got home.  I wanted her to know just how close she had come to pushing me over the edge.  It might prevent problems later in life.

When I picked Tracy up before I let her get in the car I asked for the birth certificate.  She gave me a nasty look, but handed it to me.  It had the name on it that we had agreed on.  I helped them into the car and then I drove Tracy and ‘our’ baby home.  Tracy’s eyes got wide when she saw the boxes in the living room and some of her clothes setting next to them.

Tracy was a little chilly towards me for a few days, but I ignored her and concentrated on Louie as I started calling him.  He wasn’t mine and I knew it, but to keep Tracy I had made the decision to take him to raise and by God I would do it to the best of my ability.  None of it was his fault and I was determined to be the best daddy he could have ever hoped for.  When Tracy saw how I was with Louie she mellowed and soon we were back on track as loving husband and wife.

+++++++++++++++++++

The next three years were great and then one night at dinner Tracy said:

“Remember back before we were married I told you I wanted a big family and said that I thought four kids would be about right?”

I nodded my head yes as I was spooning some mashed potatoes into my mouth.

“Well get ready daddy; number two is on the way.  I saw the doctor today and he confirmed it.”

I smiled and said, “That’s great honey” but inside I felt like someone had swung a ten pound hammer and hit me right in the gut with it.  She had done it to me again.

I called Darnell and he met me at the Landing Strip and I told him my sad tale.  One week later he again met me at the Strip and slid an envelope across that table to me.  Three weeks after that Bob Lappan was mugged and beaten almost to death.  At least his wallet had over $600 in it and that was a lot closer to what Tracy’s pussy was worth.  He also lost his family jewels and I wondered if the cops would remember Pallister and consider that the same person might have done both.  Not that it mattered because I’d done a damned good job of covering my tracks.

For a couple of weeks Tracy was out of sorts, but she again blamed it on mood swings.  She finally settled down and things were good between us.  Actually things were better than good.  Tracy decided that she needed to fuck me to death and our normal two to three times a week stepped up to three and four times a week.  Tracy said it was because the pregnancy had scrambled her hormones.  I didn’t care what the reason was because I was loving it.

The ultrasound showed that the second one was going to be a girl and I began thinking of what kind of lie I could come up with to use in the argument to prevent the baby from being named Roberta after her father.  Tracy surprised me and didn’t even bring the name up.  Since Louie had been given her father’s first name and my father’s first name as his middle name we reversed things and gave the baby my mother’s first name and her mother’s fist name as the baby’s middle name.

Elizabeth Marie was a seven pound bundle of joy and she quickly captured my heart.  Tracy beamed at the way I was with the kids and a happy Tracy spoiled me rotten so naturally I did my best to keep her happy.

+++++++++++++++

But there was a dark spot in my head.  Twice Tracy had said that four kids was the right size for a family.  Was she going to do it to me again?  Two more times?  It was four years before I got the answer to that question.  A couple of visits to the Landing Strip and shortly thereafter Warren Shirey was found in a dumpster behind a downtown restaurant that he frequented.  Sad to say that his assailant had gotten a bit carried away and as a result Mr. Shirey had departed this vale of tears for what would hopefully be a better place.

Tracy was down in the dumps for almost a month before I finally told her to get her butt to the doctor and get something for her mood swings.  She said she had already seen him and he had given her a prescription for hormone supplements but they hadn’t kicked in yet.  She made sure that I saw her taking them and that made me curious.  One day when she wasn’t around I checked the bottle and saw it filled with 1000mg Omega-3 capsules, but Tracy did get back to normal.  Well kinda.  Normal at that time in our life was twice a week, but Tracy came after me three and sometimes four times a week right up to her eighth month and then she backed off.

Marion Elise was a healthy seven pound five ounces when she made her appearance and I welcomed her into the family with the same exuberance I had shown the other two.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Outwardly I was the loving, doting father and ideal husband, but inside I was in turmoil.  I couldn’t get the number of Tracy’s ideal family out of my head.  She was obviously intent on having four children and I was starting to worry.  Could I get away with doing a fourth lover?  Was I pushing the odds too hard?  I knew I would have to do it.  It was the only way I could live with myself and stay with Tracy.  Some one had to – just absolutely had to – pay for the cheating that my wife was doing on me.  It just wasn’t in me to go after Tracy so it had to be her lover who paid.  I’d gotten away with it three times, but would a fourth be pushing my luck?  I just had to hope and pray that it never needed to happen.

But of course it did.

There was a bit of a difference on the fourth one.  As usual it was over the dinner table.

“Honey” Tracy said, “You know that I’ve always wanted four kids right?”  I nodded a yes and she said, “I need a huge favor sweetheart.”

“You know I’ll do it my love.  I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

“I know that Walt, but this favor is huge.”

“What is it baby?  You know I’ll do it if I can.”

She gave me a long look and then said, “I’m pregnant and I want you to leave the father alone.”

I starred at her stunned. 

“Don’t look at me like that honey; I’ve known since Bob that you were the one who put Bob and Marvin in the hospital and Warren in the dumpster where he was found.  No way it could have been a coincidence, but did you have to kill Warren?”

I let out a deep breath and said, “I didn’t mean to kill him, but he was smarter than the first two.  He knew who I was even though I was wearing a ski mask or at least he guessed who I was.  He sneered at me and said, “Some man you are.  Can’t satisfy your wife so you pick fights with a man who can” and I lost it.  I went into a blind rage and when I was done he was dead.”

“You never had a bully named Marvin did you?”

“No, but there was no way I was going to let you humiliate me any farther than you already had by letting you name the baby after your lover.”

“It wasn’t to humiliate you Walt.  At the time I didn’t know that you knew and all I wanted was for the baby to have something of his real father besides DNA.”

“So why didn’t you try to name the second one Roberta?”

“Because by then I had put two and two together and I was pretty sure that you were behind what had happened to Marv and Bob.  I wasn’t positive until I found out what happened to Warren.  I just don’t understand why you did it.”

“Of course you do Tracy.  You cheated on me with those assholes and someone had to pay and there was no way on God’s Earth that I could hurt you.”

“But why such a savage beating?  Why did you have to destroy their genitals?”

“So you wouldn’t leave me for them.”

“Good God Walter; why would you ever think I would do that?”

“Because they could give you kids and I couldn’t.”

“Walter Walton!!  You can’t possibly be that stupid!  I love you and I always have.  I would never leave you.  Not ever!”

“Then why were you out taking on lovers?”

“They weren’t lovers Walter.  All they were to me were sperm donors.  When we didn’t have kids and I tested fine I began to suspect that you lied to me when you told me that you were fine.  One night after we made love I hurried into the bathroom and spooned your sperm out of me and took it into a lab to be tested.  I found out that you were as sterile as it was possible to be and I also knew why you lied to me about it.  You loved me and were afraid I’d leave you for someone who could give me the kids I wanted.  No way was I ever going to leave you Walt, but I gambled that you loved me enough to stay with me if I gave you some other man’s child. 

“They were never my lovers Walter.  My fuckers yes, but never my lovers.  I don’t know if you even noticed, but every one of them was like you.  Same hair color, same eye color, same height and weight.  I picked them solely because they were close enough to you in appearance so the kids would resemble you.  I repeat Walter, sperm donors is all they were and they didn’t know that they were cheating on you with me because I never let them know I was married.”

“Then why did you keep fucking them after you got pregnant?”

“Because I need to taper off with them.  If I just dropped them they might have come looking for me to find out why and I couldn’t have that.  I couldn’t let them find out that I was married and then have them interfere in our lives.”

“Interfere?”

“What if when they found me and I was obviously pregnant and they wanted to know if it was theirs?  What if they wanted a DNA test?  And before you even ask not one of them was any better than you and only one of them was bigger and he wasn’t longer just bigger around.  And yes I enjoyed it.  It was sex and I like sex and you know that from as much as I give you.”

“You don’t consider that cheating on me?  You don’t think you were stabbing me in the back?”

“No I didn’t.  You knew how much I wanted kids and you lied to me when you told me that you tested fine.  As far as you were concerned you would have let me keep trying until we were old and gray.  You were going to cheat me out of my kids and so I cheated and got them.  When you accepted Louie I knew you loved me too much to kick me out so I went for number two and you accepted her  so I went for number three and then four.

“I have my four kids now Walter and I’m through looking for sperm donors.  I watched you with the kids Walter.  You are a natural daddy.  It is a role you were born to play and it is too damned bad that fate made it so you couldn’t have any.  We are blessed Walter.  We have each other and we have three great kids and one of the reasons they are great is because of the way you have raised them.  They may not have your DNA, but they have everything else of yours.  They have your love and affection and guidance.  They wouldn’t be what they are without you and I know it.  I hope you do too.  So, will you let number four ride?”

“You aren’t going to leave me for him?”

“Of course not you dummy.  I love you with all my heart and I will never leave you.  My biggest fear has always been that you would leave me.  I took one hell of a gamble each time I got one of my babies.  I was scared to death you would kick me out.”

“I guess as long as I know that you are mine I can rein in my violent streak.”

Tracy threw her arms around me and said, “I want you.  Now!” and she pulled me up to the bedroom.  Tracy reduced me to ruins that night.  After the first time she got me up three more times and she was trying for a fourth when I fell asleep on her.

++++++++++++++++++++++

“I don’t know about you, but when I’m alone and with nothing to do my mind goes to work wondering about things.  Maybe you can give me some answers to these questions.

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Since bread is square why is sandwich meat round?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

“What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why do people pay to go up to the top of tall buildings and the put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we chose from just two people for president and fifty for Miss America?

Once you’re in heaven do you get stuck with wearing the clothes you were buried in for all eternity?

Why do you have to put your two cents in, but it’s only a penny for your thoughts?  Where does that extra penny go?

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out that it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they slept like a baby when babies wake up like every two hours?

And the one that really gets to me…why do doctors call their work practice?”

I drank my beer and listened to the stand up comic and wondered what the draw for this place was for Darnell.  Dar finally arrived.  I saw him when he walked in and I waved him over to the table.  I already had a beer sitting there for him and as he sat down he said:

“What?  Again?  Why don’t you wake up Walt?  The solution to the problem is to get rid of the cause.”

“I can’t Dar; I am hopelessly in love with her.  The good news is that this should be the last time.”

“What if it isn’t?”

“Then she’s gone.  If it happens again she will have looked me in the eye and flat out lied to me.  I know it sounds stupid to someone else, but to me there is a major difference between her cheating and her lying.  Yes, cheating is lying in a way because you have to lie to hide it.  You have to lie about where you are going; where you have been and what you were doing while you were gone.

“I admit I have wimped out as far as what she did to get the kids, but I’m a good deal to blame for it because after Louie I knew what she was doing and I didn’t stop it.  But yesterday she looked me in the face and said it was over and that there would be no more.”

“Whoa up there bud.  What did I miss here?”

I told him about my after dinner conversation with Tracy.

“You promised her that you would let the latest one ride?”

“I didn’t promise; I just led her to believe that I would restrain myself this time.”

“But you aren’t going to right?”

“Right.”

“She is going to be pissed at you.”

“Tough shit.  I bought what she told me and I understand her reasoning and I did abet things by accepting Louie in the beginning, but someone still has to pay for her cuckolding me and it just isn’t in me to do anything to Tracy.  It might have been different if she got up one morning and said, “I’m ready for number four” and then had waited for her most fertile time and then gone out and hooked up with someone that night and then come home and waited to see if it took or not, but that isn’t the way it was.  She found someone, stayed with it until she knew she was pregnant and then kept on seeing him.

“Hell Dar; the only reason we found out who the guys were was because she kept screwing them after telling me that she was pregnant.  What does it take to find out you’re knocked up?  Five or six weeks or so right?  That means she has been fucking the guy for three or four months and who knows how long it would have gone on if I hadn’t stepped in and shut the guy down.

“Tracy said she needed to taper off to keep the guy from coming around and causing problems, but what the fuck does taper off mean?  Three months?  Six months?  A year?  I’ll never know, but I do know this.  She told me she had her four and she was done and if she lied she will be out on her ass.  As wimpy as I have been with her over the kids I will not accept her looking me in the face and flat out lying to me.”

“How are you ever going to know?  If she meant it when she said she had her four kids and it was enough, but she keeps on cheating how are you going to know?  The only reason that you know what you do know is because she tells you when she gets knocked up.  If she never gets knocked up again how will you know she isn’t out getting banged again?”

“I’m just going to have to keep a close eye on her from now on.  Do some spot checking on the nights she goes with her friends or stops for drinks after work.  Maybe even swing by the house during the day.”

“I can show you how to put a recorder on your phone line if you would like.”

“Yeah!  I guess I would like to do that.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Three weeks later Dar called me and told me to meet him at the Strip.  It was another Wednesday and I would almost swear that it was the same comic who had been there almost every other time I’d met Dar there.

““My wife was screaming at me:  “Leave!  Get out of this house right now!”

As I was walking out the door she yelled, “I hope you die a slow and painful death.”

So I turned around and replied, “Oh, so now you want me to stay.”

“Twelve signs that you are an EXTREME REDNECK.

You let your fourteen year old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.

You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think that a woman out of your league bowls on a different night.

Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by the ceiling fan.

The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

Some one in your family died right after saying, “Hey guys, watch this.”

You think that the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”  You have a full set of bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

Your junior prom offered day care.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

You think that Possum is the other white meat.”

I didn’t see him come in and didn’t know he was there until he sat down at the table with me.  I waved Maggie over and ordered two more beers as he slid an envelope over to me.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just kick her out and be done with it?” he asked.

“Why ask me that now?

“She has met him fourteen out of the last twenty-one days.  Does that sound like tapering off to you?”

“No Dar, it doesn’t.  Not one little bit.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Put in that phone tap you talked about and then wait a week or two and see what I can find out.  I really don’t want to push her out, but my wimpiness has limits.  If I take a day off work tomorrow can we do it while she is at work?”

“Can do.”

He gave me a list of what to buy and I hit a Radio Shack on the way home and purchased the stuff.

Dar met me at the house at ten and by ten-thirty I had a recording device on the phone line that was voice activated.  The recorder was digital and could record up to thirty-nine hours before it would record over itself.  I’d purchased two of them so I could pull what I wanted off of the phone device to have it on the other recorder without fear of losing it to being recorded over.

“Good luck bud” Dar said as he left.

Since I had taken the day off I decided to use some of the day to spot check on Tracy.  Her job was only part time and started at nine so she could be home to get the kids off to school and she got off at two so she could be home by three-thirty when the kids started coming home.  Marion Elise was still too young to go to school, but Tracy was able to take Elsie to work with her.

I was parked down the street when Tracy came out of the building at five after two.  She got little Elsie settled in the car and then pulled out of the parking lot.  She turned and headed away from our house and I pulled away from the curb and followed her.  She drove to the Motel 6 on Parker and pulled up next to an F-250 pick up.  Tracy got out of the car, got Elsie out and then followed the man who got out of the truck to room 113.  They went into the room and the door closed behind them.

I sat and watched the door to that room until three- forty.  Tracy came out with Elsie, got her strapped into the car and then opened her purse and touched up her makeup.  Satisfied with what she saw in the mirror she started the car and headed for home.  I waited until the man came out and I took a good look at him.  He matched the description I’d gotten from Darnell and when he pulled out I saw that his plate numbers were the same numbers that Darnell had put in his report,

I didn’t know what to think.  Surely Tracy wouldn’t be fucking the guy with Elsie in the room would she?  If she had fucked the guy had she used the room’s shower to clean herself up or was she going to shower when she got home.  Or, and it was a disturbing thought, was she going to shower at all?  Whenever Tracy and I made love she was always hot and wet and I had always assumed that sex made her juice a lot, but was that wetness really sloppy seconds and why hadn’t that thought ever occurred to me before?  I know that it was a little late for it, but I was staring to have bad thoughts about where my marriage was headed.

I decided to go on home and if Tracy asked me why I was home early I would tell her that something I ate for lunch had given me an upset stomach.  It wouldn’t be a lie because there was definitely something that didn’t agree with me and it was sitting in the pit of my stomach and sending messages to my brain that said, “You’ve been played Walter.”

I got home and heard the shower running when I walked in and that made me feel a little better.  Tracy was surprised to see me when she came down the stairs and I gave her my story.

“I hope you feel better tonight baby because I feel super horny today.”

“Why?  What happened to light your fire today?”

“You know I get super horny when I’m pregnant.”

“Yeah, but I’ve never understood why.”

“I suppose it is a combination of two or three things.  My hormones are scrambled by the changes in my body.  I feel guilty for cheating on you so I’m trying to make it up to you.  Plus I feel the need to reward you for being the man you are and for you putting up with me and my ways.  And then there is the biggie of course; I am madly in love with you.”

I listened to all that she said and I wanted to believe it.  Oh God did I ever want to believe it.  That night I did make love to her and she was as hot and as wet as ever.  I knew she had showered and cleaned up when she got home from the motel so being hot and wet when she was horny was probably her natural state and I wasn’t getting sloppy seconds.  The relief I felt over finding that out was enormous. 

It was a relief that didn’t last long.

+++++++++++++++++++++

It was two days before I was able to get to the recorder on the phone line.  After a bunch of junk calls I heard a man’s voice.

“Hello?”

“Hi baby; miss me?”

“You know I do.”

“Meet me this afternoon?”

“I can do that.  Same time and place?”

“For today, but we need to talk about finding some other way of doing it.  Elsie is getting too big to keep putting her in the bathroom with coloring books and toys and closing the door on her.  She is getting big enough to open the bathroom door and walk in on us.”

“We can always use your place.”

“No we can’t and you know it.  That would be the quickest way to get caught.  Either Walt or one of the kids coming home early and we would be busted.  Same reason you can’t call me here.  I can call you because there isn’t anyone home, but we have no idea who might be here if you were to call me.”

“Just leave him and live with me then.”

“Don’t be silly Boyd.  We both know you aren’t husband material and you damned sure aren’t father material. You haven’t shown any interest in any of our kids at all.  You can’t even be friendly with Elsie when we are together.”

“So I don’t like rug rats; so what!  Leave them with doofus.  What the hell Trace; he treats them as his anyway.”

“Why would I leave my babies Boyd?  Everything we have done was to get me those babies.”

“Okay, okay, I give up.  This afternoon, same time and place.”

“See you there.  Bye.”

“Our kids” she had said to him.  “Our kids” like all of the kids were his.  Was that what she meant or was it just a slip of the tongue?  Not husband material?  Had she been considering him as a husband at one time?  There was that voice from the pit of my stomach again.

“You are being played Walt.”

Maybe I was, but one thing I knew for sure – I was going to get some answers.

Three days later Boyd Mattingly was attacked and savagely beaten and left lying behind the dumpster in back of Bud’s Bar.  Severe damage was done to his genitals and a source at the hospital said he would lose one testicle and quite possibly both.

Tracy came home from work and found me in the kitchen drinking a beer and waiting for her.

“What are you doing home lover?  More stomach troubles?”

“Sit down Tracy; we need to talk.”

She sat down and asked, “Talk about what baby?”

“About kids and our marriage.”

“I thought I already went over that with you.”

“Yes you did, but I have learned a few things lately that make me question whether you told me the truth or not.  Based on what I’ve learned I am going to ask you one time for the complete unvarnished truth.  If I get it we may – just may – be able to put things behind us and move ahead.  If I hear one lie or I even think I’m hearing one I’m going to pack and leave.  One chance to be straight with me Tracy; that’s all you get.”

“I don’t understand Walt.  Be straight about what?”

“Everything since your finding out I couldn’t father kids.  I’m not telling you any more than that.  I’m not going to say anything that you think might give you wiggle room in what you may say.  I will say that I now know more than you think I do which is how I’ll know if some of what you say is lies.  One chance Tracy and I am as serious as death here.  One chance to save your marriage.  That of course is if you want to save it.”

“Of course I want my marriage Walt.  I love you and you fucking well know I do.”

“Then the straight story Tracy.  The truth and nothing but the truth.  Go.”

She looked at me and I could read it on her face.  “What can I tell him?  What can I hide?  What can I get away with?”  I sat there and waited.

“I told you everything Walt.  I told you how I found out you were sterile and what I decided to do to get the children that I wanted.”

“That’s it?  That’s your story and you’re sticking to it?”

“It’s the truth Walt.  I swear to God it’s the truth.”

I just looked at her for several moments and then said, “You can’t say that I didn’t give you a chance Tracy” and I stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“To pack.  I told you one lie and I was out of here.”

I went down into the basement and got a couple of suitcases and headed for our bedroom to pack.  Tracy came in as I was emptying my sock drawer.

“You can’t be serious about this Walt.  I told you what happened.  I told you all of it.”

I took the recorder out of my pocket and pushed the play button.

“Hello?”

“Hi baby; miss me?”

Tracy’s face sagged as the tape continued to play.  I kept packing as it played out.  By the time the conversation was over I had both suitcases packed and was getting ready to go to the kitchen and get some garbage bags for the rest of my stuff.

“That doesn’t mean anything Walt.  I told you I needed to taper with the guy I chose.  That’s all this was.”

“Stop your goddamned lying Tracy!  You just listened to the tape.  Did you not hear the part where he said “Just leave them with doofus.”  He knows the kid in your belly is his and not mine.  And what about the part where you said “You haven’t shown any interest in any of our kids.”  Our kids?  Our kids means more than one.  And tapering off?  You call seeing him twenty-one times in thirty days tapering?”

Dar had told me fourteen out of the last twenty-one, but that was weeks ago so I guessed at what had happened since.

“All I can say Tracy is run to Boyd.  He may not be husband and father material, but he is all you have now because I’m out of here as soon as I get all my stuff gathered up.”

“I don’t want Boyd Walt.  I want you.  I love you!”

“No you don’t Tracy.  What you love is the fact that you had a dumb-shit busting his as to take care of you and your kids while you fucked around on him.”

“That’s not true Walt.  I’ve done everything I can to show you that I love you.  I have never given you any less than my best.”

“Except when you are giving it to some one else.  Some one like Boyd, Marvin, Bob, Warren and God only knows how many others.  I gave you a chance top come clean with me Tracy and you didn’t take it even after I warned you what would happen if you lied.”

“I couldn’t take it Walt.  If I told you the truth you would despise me.”

“Any other man would have despised you when you gave him his first illegitimate kid let alone three more.”

“If I tell you the whole story will you promise not to leave me?”

“No promises Tracy.  It will all depend on my believing what you tell me and right now you have put me in a position where I take everything I hear from you with a grain of salt.”

She gave me a long look and then said, “It started just like I told you.  When I found out you were sterile I knew that you had hidden it from me because you were afraid that I’d leave you for some one who could give me babies.  I thought that if you loved me that much you might accept a child that wasn’t yours to keep me.  I gambled that you would, but if you wouldn’t then we would get a divorce and get on with our lives.  It was a huge gamble on my part because I love you and didn’t want to lose you, but I wanted my babies.

“I looked around for some one who resembled you and settled on Boyd.  I hid the fact that I was married and over time I let him seduce me.  I say over time because I wasn’t going to let him score until my fertile time.  A week before my most fertile time I gave it up and then we kept at it until I knew I was pregnant.  A couple of things happened during that time.  I decided that I wanted all my kids to have the same father and that meant that I’d have to keep Boyd around and the only way I could do that was keep seeing him.  So even after I got pregnant we still got together once or twice a week.

“The other thing that happened is I realized that even if you did accept the baby I knew you well enough to know that you would go looking for my lover.  I needed to protect Boyd because I needed him for a couple more babies so just before I told you I was pregnant I broke up with Boyd, let Marvin pick me up and do me until I saw what you were going to do.  When Marvin was attacked and beaten I was pretty sure that you were the one who did it.  All the bull-crap over Marvin’s name was to burn into your mind that Marvin was my lover and you wouldn’t think of anyone else.  After Marvin was out of the way I got back together with Boyd.

“When I started showing with Jason Boyd told me to forget about trying to get him to marry me because he couldn’t stand kids.  He did offer to pay for an abortion and that’s when I told him that I was married and that the baby was yours.  He got a kick out of screwing married women so even though we only got together two or three times a month he was okay with it.  When I decided that it was time for the second one I didn’t worry much about it because of the way you accepted Louie, but I was still gambling and I was scared that wile you accepted the first one you might not go for a second.

“Once I decided to tell you that I was pregnant again I remembered what had happened to Marvin so I went into my protect Boyd mode, broke up with him and let Bobby hook up with me.  When he was assaulted I knew for sure that it was you.  You accepted my second pregnancy and I waited two months and then got back together with Boyd.  When I decided that it was time for number three was when Boyd figured it out.  When I first let him seduce me we made it damned near every day until I knew I was pregnant and then I tapered off to two or three times a month.  When I was ready for number two I wanted it every day until it took and then I tapered off.  The same thing with number three.  Frenzied fucking until I was pregnant and when I started tapering off Boyd asked:

“Is your husband really so dumb that he really believes all my kids are his?”

“I tried to convince him that he was wrong, but he wasn’t buying it.  Finally he said he could have DNA tests done.  I asked him why he would bother since he didn’t even like kids and he told me that he didn’t want the kids, but he hated being played for a fool.  So I told him the whole story and how it all came about.  Then he wanted to know why I kept breaking up with him after I got pregnant and then getting back with him after two or three months so I told him how I went about protecting him.  He got a big laugh out of it and life went on. 

“And then I got number four.  That’s when I got stupid.  I told you what I had guessed about Marvin, Bob and Warren and got you to promise me that you wouldn’t go after the father of number four.  Not that I was desperate to protect him since I had my four and wasn’t going to have any more, but because I was afraid that the odds would catch up with you and you would get caught.  You said you wouldn’t bother him so I didn’t bother to find a substitute like I did with the first three.

“Before you even bring it up I was tapering off with Boyd.  He has been trying to talk me into leaving you and I am not going to do that, but since I don’t need Boyd anymore I needed to force a big fight so I could break things off with him in a way that he won’t expect me to come back to him and he wouldn’t bother coming around.  I thought that the more I saw him the more he would push me to leave you and finally he would push me just enough and I’d blow up on him, walk away and not look back.  It probably would have happened tomorrow or next Monday at the latest.”

“That’s one hell of a story Tracy.  Just way out enough to be believable, but I still have my doubts.  I’m still thinking that all I am to you is a support system for you and your kids.  Your story is one of those “Tell him anything to keep him here and paying the bills” kinds of thing.”

“I don’t need to tell you a story to keep you here paying the bills or at least just paying the bills Walt.  If that was all that I wanted I would just tell you that you had better keep paying the bills if you knew what was good for you.  Pay the bills or I’d go to the police and tell them what I knew about Marvin, Bob and Warren.  They would reopen those cases and be after you in a heart beat.  No Walt, I want to keep you around because I want you and no one else but you.  But I guess I will understand if after hearing what I’ve just said you don’t want me.”

“I don’t know Tracy.  I’ve loved you since the day I met you and I’ve spent all of our married life being afraid that I’d lose you because I couldn’t father your babies, but I’ve got to tell you that it set a whole lot better with me thinking that each of your kids had a different father than finding out that they all have the same father.  To my mind on the one hand there were three guys who moved into your life and then were gone after three months or so, but now I find that on the other hand you’ve had a fourteen year affair with just one man.  A man who didn’t just fuck you when you needed to get pregnant, but who fucked you on a steady basis week after week, month after month and year after year.  I don’t know that I can get by that Tracy.  I just don’t know if I can accept that.”

“It wasn’t an affair Walt.  I was only doing what I had to do to keep him available.  Look at it another way.  I was doing what you were doing.  You were putting up with me and my ways to keep me around.  I did what I did to keep Boyd around.  Basically doing the same thing.  Doing what we thought we had to do.”

“I’m sorry Tracy, but I just don’t see it that way.  Fourteen years you were seeing a man behind my back and having sex with him as much or even more than you were having it with me.”

“That’s not true Walt.  Yes he was getting it two or three times a month, but you were getting it three and four times a week.  Anyway, it is over Walt.  When I see him tomorrow I’ll tell him that you know it all and that he and I are through.”

“He already knows that I know and if you see him tomorrow it will be at the hospital and not the motel.”

“What did you do Walt?  You promised!”

“I didn’t promise anything Tracy.  What I said was that I would rein in my violent streak and all I meant by that was that I wouldn’t destroy his cock and balls like I did the other three.  I’d leave him his manhood, but he still had to pay for fucking my wife.  That was until I heard the tape.  After that all bets were off.  It is a good thing that four was your limit because when I finished with him there wasn’t a chance in hell that he could give you number five.”

“Then I guess I don’t need to tell him it’s over, but that’s not what’s important to me.  You are what is important to me.  I can’t lose you Walt; I just can’t lose you.”

“I don’t know Tracy.  I’ve got a lot of hard thinking to do and I’ll tell you up front that things aren’t looking to good for you.”

“What about the kids Walt?  Your leaving would devastate them.  And how would you be able to be apart from them?  They mean as much to you as they do to me.”

“You don’t get it do you?  They are your kids and not mine.  I am with them the way I am to please you and to keep you happy.  Your staying happy enough with me to stay with me was my goal in taking care of the children.  Only now I’m not so sure that I want you staying with me.  Your long term relationship with the father of your children has changed everything.  And given that relationship I’m hard put to believe that I’m anything other than support for you and your kids.”

“Damn it Walter Walton I love you!  What do I have to do to prove it to you?”

“I have no idea Tracy.  All I know right now is that what you have done up till now has gone a long way toward making me doubt it.”

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know Tracy.  All I know is that right now I need to get away from here.  I’ve got some thinking to do and being around you won’t help the thought process.  There is also the fact that Boyd knows who fucked him up and he also knows about the other three so he might point the cops at me.”

“The other three?”

“Have you forgotten your story already?  You told me that you told him how you had protected him and he laughed remember?  So in addition to fucking him behind my back for fourteen years you also gave him the ammunition to get the cops to reopen the cases on Marvin, Bob and Warren.”

“I didn’t give him names.  He doesn’t know who or when so he can’t give them anything.”

“I’m not going to bet on it.  I’m just not going to be here if the cops show up.”

“Please don’t go Walt.  I’ll do anything you want, but please don’t leave me.”

“I’ll be in touch” I said as I walked out the door.  I wasn’t even out of the driveway when my cell phone started ringing.  I shut it off and continued on my way.

+++++++++++++++++

Thinking that Tracy would figure that I’d find a motel close to work and that she would try to find me I drove over to the other side of town to find a motel.  The Castle Inn had an attached restaurant so that is where I settled in.

As I unpacked I thought about the story that Tracy had told me.  It was just way out enough to be true, but even if it was true I didn’t think that it would make a difference in how I was feeling.  A fourteen year relationship with one man was a bit more than I could handle.  Most men wouldn’t have put up with two or three month affairs that she supposedly had with Marvin, Bob and Warren, but I had been hopelessly in love with Tracy and I put up with what she did to stay with her.  But fourteen years with one man? 

Then there was the side of Tracy that I had never known existed.  She had cold bloodedly set up Marvin, Bob and Warren to take the heat off of Boyd.  I’d never known that cold, hard side of her which brought up the question “What else don’t I know about her?  What other cold and hard things had she done?

I went over to the restaurant to get a bite to eat.  The waitress was a very sexy looking lady and as I watched her move around the room I pondered the differences in attitudes between Tracy and me.  She had casually fucked four other men – at least that I knew of – during our marriage and I had never even thought of playing with another woman.  I’d even had some ladies come on to me and I had never given playing with them a moments thought.

As I sat there and watched the waitress, Judy was her name according to her name tag, I had the thought that even if I did somehow manage to stay with Tracy she owed me four ‘get out of jail free’ cards and the mood I was in just then I’d damned sure use every one of them.

I’d finished my meal and was wondering what to do next when Judy came up and asked me if I wanted desert.  I wanted to say, “Yes please.  I’d like a double order of you” but I said:

“No thanks.  Got to watch the waist.”

“Bullshit Walt.  You look just as fit as you did in high school.”

“Do I know you?”

“No.  You were two years ahead of me and seniors didn’t pay any attention to us mere sophomores.”

“I was that bad?”

“You all were.  No biggie; that’s just the way things were back then.  You still married to that tramp Tracy?”

That one caught me flat footed and I just stared at her.

“You didn’t know did you?”

I finally got my wits about me and said, “No I didn’t, but yes, I’m still married to her although I probably won’t be for much longer.  Can I ask you for a favor?”

“You can ask, but no guarantees.”

“When do you get off?”

“In an hour.  Why?”

“Would you have coffee or a drink with me?  I’d like to hear more about this ‘tramp’ stuff.”

“I could do that.  O’Malley’s Tavern is just up the street.  How about I meet you there in an hour.”

I was sitting in a booth when she came in.  She spotted me and came over and sat down.  She was no sooner seated when the waitress set a drink down in front of her.

“I take it you come here often.”

“My brother owns the place.  I drink for free.  So what do you want to know about Tracy?”

“I’m going through a very hard time with Tracy right now and your ‘tramp’ remark set off a few warning bells.  I’d like to know why you called her a tramp because it might just have some bearing on my current situation.”

“It is simple enough.  While the two of you were dating she was seeing other guys on the side.  She had a reputation as an easy piece if you could get a date with her.”

“This just hearsay or do you know for sure?”

“I know for sure.  Once at a birthday party at Jimmy Swenson’s she took on Jimmy, Boyd Mattingly and Darnell Parsons at the same time and didn’t seem to care that she was being watched.  I think you were working that night.  Anyway, I stood in the doorway and watched as she took Darnell in the back door, Jimmy in her vagina and Boyd in her mouth.  Another time at another party I saw her pull a train.  Nine guys and she did them two and three at a time.”

“I know Jimmy and Darnell, but not this Boyd guy.”

“No reason you would.  He is Darnell’s cousin and he didn’t go to our school.”

“Darnell’s cousin?”

“Yeah.  I was surprised when she married you instead of Darnell.  I thought for sure that she would marry him.  He was the one she spent most of her time with when you weren’t around.  From the look on your face right now I’d say that your troubles with her are because of other men.”

“You would be right.”

“For what it us worth I had a major crush on you back then and I’m single do if you dump Tracy give me a call.  Maybe we can find out what we missed by not connecting in high school.”

I looked at her for a few moments and then I smiled and asked her for her phone number.  If what Judy had just told me was true my love for Tracy had just died a quick death.  Darnell?  My super duper A-One ‘got your back’ buddy banging my girl while we were going steady?  His cousin Boyd the father of all of Tracy’s kids?  He turned his cousin over to me knowing what I was going to do?  Something was really, really rotten in Denmark. 

Then I remembered that it was Darnell’s idea to put a tap on the phone.  Did he and Tracy set up Boyd for some reason?  Had Darnell been porking Tracy all along?  I didn’t know that I would ever find out, but I was damned sure going to try.  One thing for sure, at least to my mind, was that Tracy knew about the phone tap.  If she and Darnell hadn’t set it up then she would know because of the tape I’d played her.  I had some serious thinking to do.

The next day at work I arranged a shift change with Bennie Kotlarz.  He would work my day shift for a week and I would work his mid-night shift.  At lunch I hit Radio Shack and bought four more voice activated tape recorders.  I had dinner that night at the motel restaurant, but Judy wasn’t there.  I asked and found out that she was on her days off.

The next day would be the day I’d start working the grave shift so I slept in late, had breakfast at the restaurant and at ten I drove over to the house.  Tracy should be at work and the kids would be in school.  Tracy’s car was gone so I went into the house and headed for the basement.  The recorder was gone so either Dar or Tracy had taken it off the line.  I went up to the bedroom and hid one of the recorders I’d just bought and then I hid one in the kitchen.  I placed the third in the living room and then I went outside the house to place the fourth one.  I went to where the phone line went into the house and tapped the line.  Even if Dar and Tracy thought I might tap the line they would be looking inside the house or at least I was gambling that they would.  Being outside I didn’t expect that it would hold up well if the weather turned bad, but I hoped that it would at least last a week.  If I couldn’t find out anything by then it wouldn’t matter.  I checked to make sure that I’d left nothing that would show I’d been there and then I took off.

+++++++++++++++++++++

When I got off work the next morning I called Darnell and asked him to meet me at the Strip around eight.  It was a Wednesday night again, but this time it was a different wanna be comic.  This one was a foxy looking lady so I paid attention more to treat my eyes than to enjoy a laugh or two.

“Have you ever felt like strangling one of those loud mouth cell phone users who seem to sit near you in a restaurant or any other place and forcibly share their private call with you?  I figured out all you have to do is take part in the call.  It was just yesterday that it happened to me again.   I’d had a hard day at work and I found a seat and settled in just as the bus departed.  As the bus pulled out into traffic the guy sitting next to me pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice.

“Hi sweetheart.  I’m on the bus.”

“Yes, I do know that it is six-thirty and not four-thirty, but I had a long meeting.”

“No, no honey, not with that floozie from Accounting.”

“No sweetheart, you are the only one in my life.”

“Yes I’m sure sweetie, cross my heart.”

Fifteen minutes later he was still talking and I finally got fed up with it and I yelled:

“Hey Eric; Turn off that stupid phone and come back to bed.”

I don’t know what happened to him when he did get home, but I had a smile on my face for days.”

She was just finishing when Darnell came in.  Maggie saw him and had his PBR at the table when he got there.  As he sat down he said:

“What is it this time?  She can’t get pregnant again until she has the one that’s in the oven now.”

“Nothing like that.  Just down in the dumps and wanted the company of a friend.  I took your advice.  The solution to the problem was to get rid of the cause.  I’ve left Tracy.  This last one was just too much for me to take.” 

I told him the story that Tracy had told me and then said, “I was able to handle it when I thought that she was just hooking up to get pregnant with a different guy each time, but to find out that all along it was only one guy and that it had been ongoing was more than I could take.  I’ll probably end up paying alimony, but at least they won’t be able to hook me for child support.  Thank God they discovered a way to check DNA.  I’ll have to sell the house and split the money with her, but I don’t want the place anyway.  Too many memories of the cheating bitch in the place.”

We talked and drank beer for the next hour and then I said that I needed to get back to my rooming house and get some sleep before going to work in the morning.  As I left the Strip I wondered if he would tell Tracy I was staying at a rooming house instead of a motel.  I smiled at the thought of her trying to find rooming houses so she could find me.  Then I realized if she really wanted to find me all she would have to do was put Darnell on the case.  He was a cop and he had the resources.  Oh well, I thought, nothing I can do about it but hope that she didn’t try.

++++++++++++++++++++

I worked my shift and then, because Thursday was one of Tracy’s days off I went back to my room and slept until three.  When I got up I took the car in for an oil change and tire rotation.

 I had dinner at the restaurant and made a date with Judy to meet at O’Malley’s when she got off work.  We had a few drinks and talked.  I found out that she had been married, but had lost her husband in Iraq.  She had been pregnant at the time and the shock at hearing that he had been killed had caused a miscarriage.  There were no men currently in her life:

“So you have a clear field” she said.

“Only one small problem with that.  I’m still married.”

“I’ve heard that there is a cure for that.  It’s called divorce.”

“It is looking more and more like things are headed in that direction.”

“If you would like to take me out on my next night off I can promise not to try and take advantage of you.  I will respect your status as long as you want me to.”

“Sounds like it might be fun, but I need to wait and see how things go for the next couple of days.”

“You know where to find me.”

The next morning when I got off shift I had breakfast and read the morning paper while I waited for Tracy to head off to work.  At ten I swung by the house and checked the recorders.  The one on the phone line had a bunch of calls and conversations that meant nothing, but there were three of interest.  The first one was Darnell calling Tracy and telling her that he had talked to me and that I’d told him I was divorcing her.  She broke down and started crying and said:

“He can’t.  I love him.  He can’t divorce me.  I have to talk to him Dar.  Find him for me.  Please find him for me.”

“I’ll try babe, but I’m not making any promises.”

The second call was from someone named Mel and wanted to know if things were still on for that afternoon and Tracy said that they were.

The third was from Darnell asking if he could stop by that evening and Tracy said yes.  This normally wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow because “Uncle Dar” was always coming over.  What made this one different was that to my knowledge Uncle Dar had never come over when I wasn’t at home.  But then I was finding out that there seemed to be a hell of a lot I didn’t know.

There was nothing on the kitchen recorder except cooking and cleaning noises and Tracy talking to the kids over dinner.  They kept asking where I was and she told them I was on a business trip and would be away for a while.

The living room recorder was pretty much the same.  Normal home life noises for the most part, but there was one interesting section.  The door bell rang and a moment latter I heard Louie holler out that Uncle Dar was here.  Then there was ‘Uncle Dar” talking and playing with the kids until Tracy told them it was time to go to bed.  There was the sound of the TV while Darnell waited for Tracy to put the kids down and come back to the room.

“They are in bed.  We will give them a few minutes and then we can go into the bedroom.  Have you seen him?  Talked to him?”

“Not since the night at the bar.  I’m having trouble locating rooming houses.  Most are not businesses, just homes that have rooms for rent and there must be a thousand of them here in the city.”

“You have to find him Dar.  I have to convince him that I love him and don’t want to live without him.”

“I’m trying babe.  That’s all I can do is try.”

“Come on.  Let’s go to the bedroom.”

The recorder in the bedroom was a mine of information.

The sound of the bedroom door opening and then closing and then Tracy saying:

“Hurry up; I need it.”

 “I’m hurrying as fast as I can.”

Then there was the sound of the two of them having sex with Tracy making all of the noises that I knew so well.  Finally it was over and Darnell said:

“Things aren’t looking too good babe.  I guess we read him wrong.  We thought that he loved you enough that he would take it and roll with it like he did with the first three.  We shouldn’t have tried to get cute.  We shouldn’t have done the Boyd thing.  We should have stayed with the plan that worked so well the first three times.  We should have just set up some other turkey for Walt to take it out on.”

“How is Boyd?”

“He lost both testicles, but other than a missing tooth and a few loose ones he’s okay.”

“I’m so sorry for him.”

“Don’t be.  He knew what was likely to happen when he agreed to the plan.  Besides, the cancer is going to take him down in the next couple of months anyway.”

“Still, it shouldn’t have happened.  All you had to do was tell Walt that I was being good and not seeing anyone after I told him about the pregnancy.”

“We needed to put his mind at rest.  As long as he was thinking about you and other guys he would always have wondered if you were going out and playing behind his back and he might have started checking up on you and we couldn’t have that.  Setting Boyd up as the father of all the kids should have taken care of that angle.  We just miscalculated.  We had no way of knowing how he would take one man being the father of all four.  And it is all my fault.  I was behaving like a best friend was supposed to behave and telling him stuff like he should get rid of you because of what you had done and how could he ever trust you.  I only did it because I knew he loved you and wouldn’t do it.  I should have just kept my mouth shut.”

“Now he is gone and it all just seems so stupid.”

“Maybe, but what if he decided to get a private detective?  How long would it have taken a detective to find out all about what we have been up to?”

“Not long I suppose.”

“I always said that he should have been brought into it back in the beginning.”

“Get serious Dar.  You know him as well as I do.  Can you really see him watching me do gangbangs and taking part?  No way Dar and you know it.  I love him and the only way I could keep him was to hide that part of me from him.”

“That brings up something else.  Do you want me to find a replacement for Boyd or will the five of us be enough?”

“No, we need six.  I need three to be resting up and recovering.  I can make do with five for a while, but I really do want six.”

“I’ve got a guy who would be interested.  He saw us having lunch one day and he told me that he thought you were hot!”

“Can he be trusted to keep quiet about it?”

“He’s a cop and I know I can trust him.  The only thing is that he is black.  Are you okay with that?”

“I’ve never had a black man.  If you are vouching for him I guess it will be okay.”

There was a pause and then Tracy giggled and said, “Is it going to turn you on seeing black meat driving into my white pussy?  Oh look!  The thought does to turn you on.  That or something has gotten you hard.”

More sounds of sex and when it was over and resting Tracy said:

“What am I going to do Dar?  I love Walt and if I lose him I’ll die.”

“No you won’t and you know it.  You have our four kids to take care of.  You will miss Walt, but you will still have your babies.”

“I don’t want to miss him Dar.  He belongs with me.  What can I do?”

“Wait and see love.  I know he loves you and if we give him some time he will realize it and come home.” 

“But what if he doesn’t?  What if he does divorce me?”

“Then I’ll marry you like I’ve always wanted to.  Then we will be a family.  You and me and our four kids.  I can finally be the daddy to them that I’ve always wanted to be.”

“I love you Dar, but nowhere as near as much as I love Walt.  I was meant to grow old in Walt’s arms and that’s what I want.”

“All I can say love is that if doesn’t happen I’m going to be around and I’ll step in and help you pick up the pieces.”

“I need to talk to him Dar.  Find him for me.  If he won’t come home I’ll go to him.  I have to show him how much I love him.  I’ve got to get him to come home.”

“I’ll try lover.  But for right now I’m about ready to go again.  Your magic mouth would hurry things up.”

There were more sounds of sex, but I turned the recorder off.  I had what I needed.  I rewound all of them and then left the house.

+++++++++++++++++++++

I didn’t want Tracy to know where I was staying so I decided to finish things.  I called Darnell and asked him to meet me at the house at six and then I called Tracy and told her I would be home to talk with her at six.  I hit the bank and took half of the money out of checking, took all the savings, closed the savings account and then I drove back to my room and set the alarm for five.

I got up at five and showered and went to the restaurant to get a bite to eat.  I asked Judy if she would meet me at O’Malley’s when she got off work and she said she would be there.

I got to the house at five to six and Darnell was already there and he and Tracy were sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in.  Tracy broke out in a smile and started to get up and I told her to stay seated.

“I’m not going to be here long.  I have a short piece to say and then I’m out of here.  Darnell, I’ve known you most of my life and I had always considered you the brother that I never had.  I would have taken a bullet for you and in fact I did when I took the hit so you could go to the academy.

“Tracy, I loved since the since the seventh grade.  I loved you more than life itself and up until a day or so ago I would have willingly died for you.  I loved you so much that I let you stick me with another man’s babies just so I could make sure that you would stay with me.  Both of you meant the world to me and then I find out that I wasted years on a faithless whore and even more years on a back stabbing son of a bitch.”

I pulled a recorder out of my pocket, set it down on the table in front of them.

“When I leave here I do not – I repeat – I do not want to lay eyes on either one of you again.  I do not want to speak to you ever again.  I don’t want a birthday card, a Christmas card from you.  I don’t want an email or any other kind of communication with either of you.  As far as I am concerned you are both dead to me and there is nothing that you can say or do that will change that.  I pressed the ‘play’ button on the recorder and stood up, turned and headed for the front door.  As I was opening the door I heard:

“Hurry up.  I need it” and then I was out the door and gone.

+++++++++++++

Judy was in a booth at O’Malley’s when I got there.  I’d no sooner sat down than a PBR was set in front of me and the waitress said that it was on the house.  I looked at Judy and she said:

“I told my brother that you were special to me.  Stay on the good side of me and you will drink free in here.  You look like you need it.  Why the glum look chum?”

“I ended it with Tracy a half hour ago.  I should be glad that I’m rid of her cheating ass, but it isn’t that easy.  I loved that woman to death and I thought that she returned that love and then I found out that she is a cheating slut.”

I told Judy what I’d found out.

“It was a shock and it is going to take me a while to get over it.  I know I said we would go out on your next night off, but I don’t think I’m going to be good company for a while.”

“Nonsense Walt.  Right now is when you need someone to help you get by things.  I’m here to help so let me, okay?”

I knew she was right so I nodded a yes.

“What will you do now” she asked.

“Get a lawyer and look for a place to live.  A motel room is great for a couple of days, but I’m going to need to find something more permanent.”

“There are some open apartments where I live.  It is a pretty nice place and it has a pool and an exercise room.”

I found out where it was and decided to check the place out the next day.  We sat and talked until it was time for me to head off to work.

When I got to work I turned my cell phone back on and saw I had five voice mails and eleven missed messages.  Eight of the missed messages were from Tracy and four were from Darnell and I cleared them off the phone and then listened to the voicemails.  Four were from Tracy professing undying love and begging me to come back home and talk to her and the fifth was from Darnell and simply said that we needed to talk.  Unfortunately for both Tracy and Darnell I’d meant what I’d said.  I did not want to talk to or see either one of them ever again.

++++++++++++++++++++

The next day when I got off work I went over to Judy’s apartment complex.  I liked what I saw so I signed a lease and paid for the first and last months rent and the security deposit.  It turned out that Judy’s unit was just above the one I rented.

I rented a trailer and Judy went with me over to the house and helped me move out what I needed to furnish the apartment.  The absence of what I took would drive home to Tracy that I was gone and that I wasn’t coming back.  The only thing I needed was a bed so we stopped at a furniture store and I bought one.  By one I was moved in and Judy left to go to work.

I spent the rest of the day unpacking, setting up the computer and making a list of what I was going to have to buy.  I needed pots and pans and some dishes and of course I was going to need some groceries.

I had dinner at the restaurant and Judy said we should skip O’Malley’s that night and just go home.  We talked and played cribbage until it was time for me to go to work.  I’d had my cell turned off while at home, but I turned it back on when I headed for work.  Six missed messages from Tracy and one from Darnell and there were four voicemails, three from Tracy and one from Darnell, and I listened to the same old shit before I deleted them.

I had two more days to work grave shift and then I would be going back to days and could consider taking Judy out on a date.  The next day Judy went with me to Wal-Mart and we bought the items that I had on my list.  We were just pulling out of the parking lot when I heard the “whoop whoop” of a police car and I looked in my rear view and saw the flashing lights.  I pulled over and saw a black man in a suit get out of the police car and walk toward me.  The suit was the giveaway and I turned my head and saw Darnell sitting on the passenger side of the cop car.  I opened the glove compartment and got out the cassette recorder that I had there, turned it on, set it on the seat beside me and rolled down my window.  The black guy walked up, bent down and looked into the car and then said:

“Please step out of the car sir.”

“Why?  What did I do?  Spend too much money in the store?”

“Please get out of the car sir.”

“I don’t think so.  I’ve already told Darnell I do not ever intend to speak to him again and a phony traffic stop isn’t going to make it happen.”

“Just make everything easier on everybody sir and step out of the car.”

“You must be the cop that Darnell said he was going to recruit to fuck my about to be ex-wife.”

“Are you going to step out of the car as I have requested?”

“No I am not” I said as I put the car in gear and stepped on the gas.  I hung a right at the corner and then led the following cop car – lights flashing and siren wailing – toward police headquarters.  I was not at all surprised when the cop car shut off their noise maker and attention getting lights about three blocks from the station and then drove on by as I pulled up and parked in front. 

I told Judy to take the car, find a parking spot and wait for my call.  I ran inside, turned and watched Judy drive away and then headed down the hall.  I’d been there before to visit Darnell so I knew the layout and I headed for the closest men’s room.  I took a whiz, washed my hands and then called Judy and asked Judy if the cop car was still around.  She told me that it had kept on going and so I told her to pick me up out front.

When Judy and I got back to the apartment I fixed us lunch and then told Judy about why what had happened had come down.

“Darnell and your wife?  All of these years?”

“Yep and I’d never have known if you hadn’t made that tramp comment the first night at the restaurant.”

I went on and explained the entire sorry story to her.

“Four babies and none of them yours and you accepted it?”

“I was hopelessly in love with Tracy and I wanted her to be happy and having kids is what made her happy.  That was before I found out about Darnell though.  That killed everything.  Still want to hang around with me now that you know how stupid I am?”

“Stupid isn’t the way I would look at it.”

“How would you look at it?”

“I see a man so devoted to and in love with his mate that he would do anything for her.  Most women would kill to have a man like that and would treat him like he was made out of gold.  The stupid one here is Tracy.  How she could risk losing what she had in you is just plain out and out stupid.”

She looked at her watch and said that she had to go to work and I asked if she would have breakfast with me in the morning when I got home from work and she said that she would.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

At the end of my shift in the morning the day shift supervisor asked me:

“You and the wife having problems Walt?  Not talking to each other?”

“As a matter of fact we aren’t talking.  Why?”

“She was outside waiting in the parking lot for you at the end of day shift yesterday and the day before.”

“I go back to days tomorrow so I guess I’ll need to find a way to avoid her.”

“Good luck on that.”

I was in the kitchen making breakfast when the door bell rang.  I was expecting Judy so I just opened the door with a smile on my face and found Tracy and Darnell standing there.  I was shocked at how quickly they had managed to find me, but I quickly recovered and stepped aside to let them in.  They walked into the room and then I stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind me and ran for the stairwell.  I went up to the next floor and rang Judy’s doorbell.  When she opened the door I held a finger up to my lips so she wouldn’t talk and I quickly stepped inside her apartment.

“I need a place to hide.”

“Why?  What’s up?”

I told her and she laughed.  “You do know you are going to have to have it out with them sooner or later.”

“I’ll settle for later.  Much latter.”

“I guess you won’t be fixing me breakfast after all.  I guess we will have to see if you can stomach my cooking.”

While she worked in the kitchen I sat by her front window and watched the parking lot.  I spotted Darnell’s car, but didn’t see Tracy’s so I assumed they came together.  Judy called me to the table and as we ate I asked her what she wanted to do latter on that evening.

“Tonight?”

“We did have a date for your next night off right?  And that is tonight isn’t it?”

“I’d forgotten, but yes we do.  I’d like Mexican for dinner and country western dancing after.”

“You got it.  Come for you around six-thirty?”

“That will do nicely.”

Darnell’s car was still there when we finished eating breakfast so I shrugged my shoulders, took a deep breath and said:

“I guess I’ll take your advice and get it over with.”

“They still here?”

“Darnell’s car is still sitting there.  Call 911 if you hear gunshots.”

“You’re kidding right?”

“Never know.  Darnell is a cop and he does carry a gun.”

Judy walked up to me, hugged me and gave me a scorcher of a kiss.  My first one from her.

 “That’s incentive for you to behave and not do something that will make him pull that gun.”

I smiled at her said, “Six-thirty” and then headed for my apartment.

They were sitting at the kitchen table eating what I’d been fixing for me and Judy.

“Why don’t you just make yourselves at home” I said sarcastically.”

“Didn’t know when you would be back and didn’t want it to go to waste” Darnell said.

“What was it about I don’t ever want to see or speak to you ever again that you didn’t understand?”

“You were hot under the collar and pissed and we figured that you have had enough time to calm down.”

“Why are you here?”

“To talk you into coming home where you belong” Tracy said.

“You would be wasting your breath.  I meant what I said.  As far as the two of you are concerned you are both dead to me.”

“You can’t mean that” Tracy said, “You know I love you and I know you love me.  Okay, we do have some talking to do, but we can get by this.”

“No we can’t Tracy.  Not after me finding out that you are a fucking punch board for a bunch of guys and have been since high school.”

“I guess I miscalculated and should have brought you in back then, but I loved you and I didn’t want to lose you and I thought that if I tried to get you to join in and you wouldn’t I’d lose you.  I couldn’t take the chance Walt.  I knew even in high school that you and I were meant for each other.  I just couldn’t lose you baby.  I just couldn’t.”

“You might not have.  I was young and not yet set in my ways and I might have gone along.”

“The reason we are here” Darnell said, “Is to see if it is too late.  You both love each other and it would be a crying shame to see the two of you split up.”

“Please Walt” Tracy said.  “I need you.”

“Not a chance Tracy.  Lying to me and cheating on me with groups of guys the entire time you were supposed to be mine is just more than I can take and you have to admit that I took a lot.  Four kids not mine and I still hung in there, but no more.  Finding out that all four have the same father and that my good buddy, my best friend and the guy I would have gone to hell for is that father killed it for me.  I have an appointment to see an attorney tomorrow and I will be filing for divorce.  I meant what I said.  I don’t want anything to do with either of you.  Take your woman and leave Darnell.”

“I’m not his woman Walt.  I belong to you and I will always belong to you.”

“Bullshit Tracy.  You have been fucking Darnell since before I even put an engagement ring on your finger and that makes you his woman.  Now please go.”

“I won’t give you a divorce Walt.  I’ll fight it.”

“Then I’ll have to get dirty.  I’ll bring up the fact that all of your kids aren’t mine and I’ll sue Darnell for child support starting the day Louie was born and I’ll make such a stink that he will get kicked off the police force.  I’ll take the recordings I have of you talking about gangbangs and how you would rather have six men and not have to settle for five and I’ll see to it that every one who knows the two of you gets their own personal copy.  I’m sure that your mom and dad will love hearing that.  If that won’t do it I’ll just walk away and not divorce you and save myself the expense of a lawyer, but either way I’m gone and I’m not coming back.  Now please get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“We can work it out Walt.  We love each other too much not to try.”

I just shook my head no, said goodbye, left the apartment and went up to Judy’s.  Twenty minutes later Tracy and Darnell left.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

I did get an attorney and file for divorce.  We were in a no-fault state so I really didn’t need to give a reason, but I filed under Irreconcilable Differences anyway.  Judy got an attorney and he told her up front that the best he could do was to try and get a sympathetic judge who might order us into counseling.  When I showed her attorney what I had for evidence he told her she didn’t have a chance.  She said she would chance it, but when we went in front of the judge and her attorney asked for court ordered counseling I gave the judge what I had.  The judge read what I had and after warning me to watch my language in his court room or suffer contempt of court charges he took my “Not a chance in hell will I ever get back together with that lying bitch” at face value and set alimony at two hundred and fifty dollars a week for three years or until she married again and ordered a fifty/fifty asset split.  That of course meant that the house would have to be sold.

Through my attorney I made her an offer.  She could keep the house and my share of the equity in it in exchange for the alimony and what I had taken out of the bank accounts and she went for it.

Six months later the divorce was final and a month after that she and Darnell got married.  They sent me an invitation and I sent it back with a note wishing that all of their gangbang fucking would eventually give them both AIDS and they would die.

My date with Judy went well and it led to several more.  There was a lot of heavy necking going on, but I wasn’t pushing things because I was one of those weirdo’s who believed in keeping his dick in his pants while you were married.  Judy got tired of that shit and finally told me she wasn’t going to wait on the divorce to be final and that she would tie me to the bed and rape me if I didn’t get with the program.  I wisely gave in.

Judy and I were married six months after the divorce was final and no, I did not send Tracy and Darnell an invitation.