I looked down at the legal pad on the desk and rolled the pen between my fingers as I tried to organize the words in my mind.  It would have been much easier for me if I was at a keyboard in front of a computer.  When at the computer my thoughts seemed to flow right to my fingers and the words would quickly appear on the screen.  Hit ‘print’ and it would be done.  Neat, single spaced lines of 11 point Times New Roman that would say it all, but to me that would be too impersonal.  I needed for this to be personal; I needed what I was going to say to be an expression of “me” and so I would do it in my own handwriting.  As one part of my brain tried to organize what I was going to say another part was busy remembering what it was that led to my need to say it.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I had known Grace since the fourth grade.  She moved in two doors down from me and we were the same age so we ended up in the same class at school.  Even at nine there was something about Grace that pulled me to her.  At that age most boys were still thinking of girls as “yucky” but I never felt that way about Grace.

We didn’t see much of each other when we weren’t in school.  She was busy playing with dolls with her girlfriends while me and the other guys my age were playing “cops and robbers” or “cowboys and Indians” or sandlot baseball.  It wasn’t until I was twelve that I started noticing girls and Grace was the one I seemed to notice most of all.

It was the eighth grade when things changed.  Our school wasn’t all that big and the boys and girls had to share the gym for the physical education period.  Usually the guys would have the gym one day and the girls would have the swimming pool and the next day the girls would have the gym and the guys would have the pool.

It was the boy’s day for the gym, but when we got there the gym teachers had a surprise for us.  The boys and girls were going to share the gym that day.  They were going to teach us to dance!  Boys and girls were paired up, a record player started playing and they started teaching us the waltz.  I was paired up with Susan Jaffery and Grace was paired up with Dale Harding.  I didn’t know why, but I got upset watching Grace dance with Dale.  At the end of the period it was announced that for the rest of the school term the boys would have the gym on Mondays and Thursdays and the girls would have it Tuesdays and Fridays.  Wednesdays would be dance class and that we would keep the same partners.  That news upset me a lot.  Not that dance class was bothering me, but that I was stuck with Susan and Dale would have Grace.

And that was the start of it.  Dale had Grace and Dale kept Grace from then on.  The two of them were inseparable.  By the tenth grade I was eating my heart out over Grace.  What made things really bad for me was that Grace, probably unwittingly, led me on.  Dale’s parents were both teachers and they always traveled on summer vacations and were usually gone for two and a half to three months.  While Dale was gone Grace asked me to take her to a party that Dale was supposed to have taken her to.  We had a good time and when I asked her for a date she said yes.  I dated her for the entire time that Dale was gone.  She was receptive to my kisses and our necking got pretty hot and heavy at times.  After two months I asked her to go steady with me and she said:

“Oh come on Rob; you know I’m Dale’s girl.”

That didn’t stop her from necking with me though and she kept dating me until Dale got back from vacation.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Three months into the 11^th grade Dale and Grace got into an argument over something or other and they broke up.  Grace asked me if I would be her escort to a couple of parties she wanted to go to over the holidays and I of course said yes.  We dated right up to Christmas and then one night when I went over to her house to pick her up to take her to a party her mother answered the door.

“Grace isn’t here Rob.  She left with Dale about half an hour ago.”

I went to the party alone and when I got there I saw Grace and Dale dancing.  I went up to them and tapped Dale on the shoulder to cut in and he turned and told me to go away.

“Not until Grace and I talk.”

“She’s not going to talk to you so beat it.”

“Okay; I wanted to do this quietly and not make a scene, but if a scene is what you want then a scene is what you’ll get.”  I turned to Grace and said loud enough for everyone to hear, “Would it have killed you to call me and break our date instead of letting me show up at your front door and have your mother tell me that you had already gone?”

Grace looked away from me and Dale pushed me and said, “Get the fuck out of here Rob.”

“Keep your hands to yourself Dale.”

“Oh yeah?  What are you going to do about it” and he shoved me again.

“This” I said as I hit him as hard as I could.  It broke his nose and blood sprayed all over Grace’s green dress as he went to his knees.  “Hey, red and green” I said as I pointed at Grace’s dress.  “Very Christmassy.”  And I turned and left the party.

Grace called me around noon the next day.  “How could you embarrass me like that?  And my dress is ruined.  I can’t get the blood stains out.”

“Your own fault Grace.  What did you think was going to happen when what you did was leave me standing on your front porch?  You think I was going to worry about how you felt when you couldn’t have cared less about how I was going to feel when I rang your doorbell and you weren’t there?  Thanks for calling Grace” and I hung up on her.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

About three weeks into the spring term I came out of Burger Heaven where I had a part-time job and found Dale waiting for me by my car.  He had eight or nine people with him, including Grace and a few other girls.  As I walked up to my car Dale said:

“You and me have some business to settle.  You sucker punched me that ni…” and I hit him.  He wasn’t expecting it.  I guess he thought I’d just stand there and listen to him spout off until he decided to swing, but I wasn’t having any of it.  I stepped up and hit him again and broke his recently reset nose again.  His hands flew up to his face and that left him wide open and I hit him three more times and was going for more when I was pulled away from him.

  “Sucker punching is when someone hits you from the blindside when you aren’t expecting it.  I was facing you at the party and after pushing me the second time you should have been expecting me to do something.  You came here tonight looking for a fight so you should have been expecting it tonight too.  Stay away from me Dale.  Your nose can only be broken so many times before it starts looking like a pancake in the middle of your face.”

I looked over at Grace, but she looked away.  I got in my car and drove on home.  Dale did stay out of my way from then on and eventually Grace stopped looking away whenever I glanced her way.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Just before the end of the term I was sitting at a table in the library doing some research for a paper that was due when Grace sat down at the table with me.  I looked up from the book I was reading as she looked at me.  Didn’t say a word, just sat there and looked at me.  I waited a few seconds and then I shrugged and went back to reading the book.  Maybe thirty seconds later Grace said:

“What happened to us Robbie?  We used to be such good friends.”

I looked up and answered, “You know what happened to us Grace and you also know that it was your fault.  A phone call could have prevented it, but you didn’t make that phone call.”

“I’m sorry Robbie, I really am.  I can’t even give you a good excuse.  I was just so glad when Dale called and told me that he missed me that I just didn’t think of anything else.  It was wrong of me not to call you.”  She stopped talking for a second or so and then she said, “Actually, it was wrong of me not to have told Dale that I had a date for the party and that I would see him the next day.  I’m sorry Rob and though it is a little late, I apologize.”

I looked at her a bit and then I said, “Want to walk over to the Shack and get a milkshake?”  It wasn’t a magical moment by any stretch of the imagination, but Grace and I were talking again.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The term ended.  Dale went off with his parents on their long summer vacation and that left Grace at loose ends so I was not surprised when one day she called me and asked me if I would take her to a party the next night.

“I don’t want to go alone.”

That was the start of it.  I started keeping steady company with Grace, but I was a little older and just a tad wiser that time.  I knew I was just standing in for Dale and I knew that if I was sitting on her front porch swing kissing her and Dale pulled up in the drive she would push me away to make room for him to pick up where I left off. 

Grace was using me only this time I knew it.  But she still caused my heart to beat faster when I looked at her so I dated her and hoped that Dale would get struck by lightning or get run over by a train.

Toward the end of summer I started slacking off on calling Grace for dates.  I had gone a week without calling her or seeing her and she called me and asked me where I’d been.

“Just working at Burger Heaven and working on my tan in the backyard.”

“Why haven’t you called me?”

“Dale is due home anytime now and I don’t want to be in the middle of something and have you walk away.”

“Bullshit Rob!  That will never happen again and you know it.  I want you to take me to Hillary’s birthday party tomorrow.  Please?”

I was a sucker where Grace was concerned so I said I would.  I really did not want to go to Hillary’s birthday party.  I expected that it would be very uncomfortable.  I had dated Hillary and one night after a party and some pretty heavy necking Hillary had willingly given me her cherry and after the initial pain and discomfort Hill had really gotten into it.  So much so that there had been a second, third and fourth time.  The fourth time just one block from her house as I was taking her home. 

I fully expected that Hill and I would be doing a lot more of it in the future, but when I called her the next day she hung up on me.  I called her seven more times over the following week and six times she hung up on me.  The seventh time she said: 

“Will you stop bothering me?” and hung up.

Maybe three weeks later I ran into her at a party.  I did my best to ignore her and stay out of her way, but near the end of the party she came up to me, called me a pig and slapped my face.  She started to do it again and I grabbed her wrist and said:

“What the hell was that for?”

“You know damned well what it was for.  You are just another one of those “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” assholes who gets what he wants and then takes off never to be heard from again.”

“Bullshit Hill.  I called you for a week and you wouldn’t talk to me.  The last call I made you told me to leave you alone so I left you alone.”

I let go of her wrist and walked away from her.  I hadn’t talked to her since and now here I was going to her birthday party.  Only Grace could have gotten me to do something like that.

Before going to pick up Grace I ran to the store and got a card for Hillary and a pair of hoop earrings and some gift wrap.  When we got to the party I gave Hill the card and the gift and then left her to go and mingle with the crowd before she could go off on me.

Maybe an hour after I got to the party I was standing off to the side, sipping a Coke and watching Grace talk to three other girls when Hillary came up to me.

“Does Dale know that you are nailing his private stock?”

“I am not having sex with Grace Hill; we are just friends.”

“You do know that the only reason she is with you is that no other guy will be seen with her, don’t you?  They are all afraid of Dale.”

“Not my problem.”

“Why aren’t you having sex with her?  She isn’t a virgin.  Dale has been screwing her for over a year now and he’s been gone for almost three months so she has got to be wanting it.”

“What is it with you and sex Hill?  For someone who got so bent out of shape over getting laid you sure talk a lot about it.”

“Call me and I’ll tell you all about it.”

She wandered away leaving me wondering what was with her.

On the ride home Grace said, “What is up with you and Hillary?”

“Nothing.  Why?”

“You didn’t notice that she wore the earrings that you gave her all night?  Gail gave her earrings, Brenda gave her a necklace and Bill and Sue gave her a matching set of bracelet, necklace and earrings, but the only jewelry that she wore tonight were your hoops.  Am I losing you to her?”

“How can you lose me Grace?  I’m not yours.  Dale is yours as you so often remind me.”

She was silent for a moment and then she said, “Pull over.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t kiss you while you are driving.”

I pulled over and parked and she slid over next to me and we started making out.  Ten minutes into it Grace put her hand on the hard lump in my trousers and rubbed it.

“Take it out” she said.

“What?”

“Take it out Robbie; I want to see it.”

“Grace, I don’t think it would be a good…”

“Please Robbie, I want to see it.”

I didn’t know what to think, but I wasn’t stupid.  The girl I wanted wanted to see my equipment and I was going to say no?  I unzipped and worked my hard on out and she took it in her hand and started stroking it.  I was torn between wanting to put my hands on her breasts and my fingers in her pussy and taking the chance that it might break up whatever mood it was that she was in or leaving her alone so she wouldn’t stop what she was doing. 

The previous summer, just before I asked her to go steady I went for her tits one night when we were necking hot and heavy and she said “no” and pushed my hand away.  Ten minutes later I tried again and she slapped my hand away and yelled, “Damn it Rob, I said no!” and then she had pulled away from me and told me to take her home.  So with that in mind I decided to just sit there and enjoy what she was doing.

She slowly stroked me for a minute or so and then she stunned me.  She bent her head and took my cock in her mouth.  I wasn’t a virgin, but I wasn’t all that experienced either.  I’d only had sex eleven times split between three different girls and I’d never had a blow job.  Add to that the fact that it was almost four months since my last time so I was ready to cum ten seconds after Grace closed her lips around me.  I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.  Jerk it out of her mouth?  Tell her I was cumming?  Or just let it go in her mouth.  I did not - repeat NOT - want to pull it out, but at the last second I decided to err on the side of caution and I started to push Grace away.  I was too late.  I erupted just as my cock came out of her mouth and she caught the full discharge on her face.  She was not happy.

“What did you do that for?  God Robbie, it got all over my blouse.”

“I didn’t think I was supposed to do it in your mouth.”

“It would have been better than going all over my clothes.  I can’t go home looking like this.  If my parents are up and see me like this they will ground me until I’m eighty.  Do you have enough money for a motel room?”

“I think so.”

“Head for the Super 8 over on Melrose and stop at the Safeway just up the street from it.”

On the way she asked me why I’d done what I had and I explained it to her including the part about never having had a blow job before.

“Never?  But you dated Sandy Beeler and I’ve been told that she gives the best head around here.”

“I never had any sex with Sandy, let alone head.”

“Oh you poor baby.  I wish I had known.  I’d have done you by hand to get the first one out of the way and then the blow job would have lasted longer.”

As I drove I was thinking that it was obvious that Grace had a lot more experience than I did and then I started wondering what was going on.  Why was Grace suddenly bestowing her favors on me?  I stopped at the Safeway and she had me run inside and get her some spot remover and then I got a room at the motel.

In the room Grace took off her blouse and used the spot remover on her blouse and then she hung it up on the shower curtain rod to dry.

“What should we do while we are waiting for my blouse to dry” she asked as she unhooked her bra and let it fall to the floor.  “Any ideas” she asked as she stepped out of her skirt.

“Oh my God” I thought as I looked at her naked body and then I hurriedly started to undress.  When I was naked Grace pushed me back on the bed and said, “Lets try this again” and she bent and took my cock in her mouth.  She worked on me for several minutes while I laid there and thought I’d died and gone to Heaven.  The feeling was incredible and I quickly came to understand why guys talked about blow jobs with such reverence. 

My cock was throbbing when Grace took her mouth off of me and lowered herself down on my hard cock.  She rode me cowgirl - sliding up and down and rocking back and forth - and moaned as she took my dick.  She was the fourth girl that I’d ever been with and there was a major difference between the way I felt with her and the way I had felt with the others.  I didn’t understand it at the time, but later I figured out that it was the difference between having sex and making love.  I had sex with the others, but with Grace I was making love.

Grace emitted a little cry as she had an orgasm and seconds later I had my climax.  When Grace got off of me and fell to the bed next to me I sat up and looked down at her.

“You went down on me and I’d like to return the favor, but I never have done that before either.  Tell me what to do.”

“But you just came in me.”

“So?  You said that I should have let go in your mouth and if you were willing to let me do that I should be willing to do whatever I need to do to give you pleasure.”

Grace gave me what amounted to “Eating Pussy 101” and surprisingly I enjoyed it.  I enjoyed eating pussy so much that I dug in and was able to give her an orgasm with my mouth.  By then my cock was hard again and Grace pulled me up on top of her and I made love to her for the second time.  I lasted longer the second time - a lot longer - and I was able to give Grace two more orgasms before I had mine.  I was just pulling out of her when she exclaimed:

“Oh shit!  Look at the time.  You need to get me home.”

The first five minutes of the ride home I was silent, but then I had to ask. “What happened tonight Grace?  Not that I’m complaining mind you, but why did you do what you did tonight?”

She stared out the passenger window for maybe ten seconds and then said, “I did it to get back at Dale for cheating on me.”

“When and with who?”

“I don’t know her name, but it happened in San Diego.  When was last week.  Belinda was there visiting her aunt and she saw Dale kissing some Spanish looking girl.  She watched while Dale ran his hand up under the girls skirt and then they got up and walked down the street to a motel.”

I stared out the window at the road in front of me while I argued with myself over whether I should do the right thing or keep my mouth shut.  Like an idiot I let the “right thing” win.

“You or Dale ever do anything to Belinda to make her want to even with you?”

“I don’t think so.  Why?”

“You know that my mom and dad are good friends with Dale’s parents, right?”

“Yeah.  So what?”

“Mom and dad keep an eye on their house while they are gone.  Dale’s mom and dad call and check in with my folks about once a week.  They called the middle of last week and one of the things they told my mom when she talked with them was that they had made a last minute change in their summer travel plans.  They didn’t go to California.  They went up to Canada instead.  They called from Quebec.  Dale was never in San Diego.  Dale was never in California at all.  Belinda lied to you.”

Even in the dark car I could see her face pale as the realization of what I’d just said hit her.

“Oh my God” she moaned, “What am I going to do?”

I was silent for a moment or so and then I said, “You won’t do anything.  Tonight never happened.  When you get up in the morning treat it as a weird dream that you had.  Only two people know and I won’t be telling anyone and I see no reason for you to tell anyone either.”

“But I cheated on Dale.”

“So what?  You aren’t married and you haven’t taken any vows of fidelity.  Besides, how do you know Dale hasn’t played around while he is gone for the summer?  Just let it be Grace.  Pretend that it never happened.”

Under the circumstances I didn’t try for a goodnight kiss and as I watched her walk into her house I cursed myself for telling her what I had.  I could have kept quiet and maybe kept Grace for myself, but in a way I would have been lying to her if I got her that way.  Besides, how would she end up feeling if she threw what she and I had done in Dale’s face when he got home and then found out that he wasn’t guilty as charged.

After that night Grace didn’t avoid me, but she didn’t go out of her way to be around me either.  Dale came home and as far as I know Grace never told Dale about our evening at the motel.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Senior year was busy and I had so much going on that I didn’t think too often about Grace.  No more than two or three times a day.  I dated some and I scored some, but I always ended up mentally comparing the girls I made it with to Grace and they all came up short.  The only ones who held my interest with Rita Martin and Hillary.  Rita was willing to suck cock as long as you were willing to eat pussy and when Rita found out that I was very willing to do it she told me that I could call her anytime and if she already had a date she would break it just to go out with me.

I did call Hillary a couple of days after her birthday party and she asked me to meet her for lunch.  I met her at Anderson’s Steak House and she apologized for the way she had acted after the night I had taken her cherry.

“It wasn’t you Rob; it was me.  I was disgusted with myself.  I had promised my mother and myself that I would walk down the aisle at my wedding as a virgin.  I was down on myself for giving it up to you so easily and every time you called it just reminded me of how weak I had been.  But I got over it and started looking forward to doing it with you again, but you never called and that pissed me off even though I was the one who told you to stop bugging me.  And then I went and made an ass of myself at Sally’s party.”

“So what are you trying to tell me Hill?”

“What was it that you said at my party?  That when it comes to sex I sure talk a lot about it?  Well, as the old saying goes, “Talk is cheap.”  I’ve taken a gamble Rob.  Before meeting you here I stopped and got a room across the street at the Marriott.”

She slid a room key across the table to me and then watched to see what I would do.  I looked from her to the key and then back at her and then I picked the key up and said:

“What are we doing wasting time here?”

From then on I shared my time between Hillary and Rita.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Prom was coming up and I was planning on asking Rita to be my date, but one evening the front doorbell rang and my mom hollered up at me:

“Rob honey; Grace is here to see you.”

We went up to my room and then Grace asked, “Do you have a date for the prom yet?”

“Not yet.  I plan on asking Rita Martin.”

“You haven’t asked her yet?”

“No.  Why do you want to know?”

“Dale broke his leg in three places yesterday and so I was going to ask you to take me.”

“I’m flattered Grace, but the thing is that Rita and I have something going.”

“You and a half dozen others.”

“What does that mean?”

“What it means is that on nights Rita isn’t with you she is with someone else.  You don’t need to worry about Rita having a date for the prom.  I’ll bet that by now a couple of guys have asked her to be their date.”

“I don’t think so Grace.  I’d end up in bad shape.  I’d be holding you, dancing with you and that would have me remembering the last time we were on a date and I’d be praying that it would happen again and knowing that it wouldn’t.”

“Please Rob.  No one else is going to ask me because of Dale.  If you don’t take me I won’t be able to go.  I don’t want to miss the prom Robbie.  Please?”

She was easily the best looking girl there and I know that a lot of guys there wished that they were me.  The night went just like I knew it would.  Holding Grace as we danced constantly brought back memories of what we had done and those memories kept my dick hard most of the night.  I did my best to keep from poking Grace with it, but it still happened several times.

 We hit two after prom parties and then I drove us home.  On the way Grace slid over next to me and put her hand on my leg.

“Let me see it Robbie.  Take it out for me.”

“I don’t think so Grace.”

“All right then, I’ll do it myself” and she pulled down my zipper.  As she reached in for my cock she said, “I know what you gave up to take me to the prom tonight and I want to make it up to you.  You seemed to like it the last time.”

I pushed her hand away and said, “No thanks Grace; I don’t need charity.  If you wanted me for me I’d be all for it, but I’m not interested just because you think you owe me.”

I zipped myself back up, but Grace didn’t slide away from me.  She sat next to me with her head on my shoulder the rest of the way home.  I walked her to her door and she turned and put her arms around me and kissed me.

“Thank you Rob; thanks for being who you are” and then she kissed me again and went into her house.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Grace, Dale and I all attended a local college and while we ran across each other from time to time we each had different majors so we had very few shared classes outside of some of the basics like Intro to Calculus and English Composition 121.  I did see and talk to Grace from time to time - we still lived two doors away from each other - but Dale didn’t go on vacations with his parents anymore so I never had a chance to date Grace again.

In our junior year Dale proposed to Grace and she accepted and even though I’d known that some day it would happen I was crushed when it did.  I went off on a two day toot that left me with a hurting head and the knowledge that it was my own fault.  I could have prevented it by not telling Grace that Dale couldn’t possibly be guilty of what she thought he was and letting her rub what we had done in his face when he got home.  But I didn’t do that so I would have to live with it.

I pined for Grace, but I knew that she would always be Dale’s so I didn’t bother to become a hermit where the ladies were concerned.  I dated a lot, scored a reasonable amount of times and even had some relationships that lasted for several months, but I never found anyone I wanted to make things permanent with.

Graduation came and I got a job with XYZ Corporation.  Grace landed a position with a local brokerage house and Dale went to work for Apollo Industries.  Six months later and about two months before the wedding Apollo transferred Dale to the San Francisco office and he dropped off the radar screen.  I found out later that he called Grace and had her postpone the wedding and then no one heard from him again.  He never called Grace and when she called him she only got his voicemail.  After three months she got on a plane and flew out to San Francisco and three days later she came home.  There was no more talk of weddings and Grace, the few times I talked to her, never mentioned Dale at all.

Several months went by and then Grace and I were thrown together when Sissy Meyers and Dave Sampson got married.  Grace was one of Sissy’s bridesmaids and I was Dave’s best man.  I danced several times with Grace at the reception and just before the party broke up she came up to me and told me that she’d had too much to drink to drive safely and she asked me if I would give her a ride home.  On the way to her apartment she slid over next to me and put her hand on my leg.

“Remember the last time I did this?”

“Indeed I do.”

“Are you going to push my hand away this time also?”

“Is this some more of rubbing Dale’s nose in it?”

She looked at me for a couple of seconds and then said, “Dale is history.”

I made no move to push her hand away and she pulled my zipper down and worked my hard cock out of my pants.  She lowered her head and just before she took my cock in her mouth she said:

“Don’t pull it out like you did the last time.  I don’t have any spot mover at home and the stores are closed.”

I didn’t pull out -- I damned near hit a tree -- but I didn’t pull out.  Hours later as we lay next to each other trying to recover from three very active sessions I asked:

“How did this happen?”

She didn’t have to ask what I meant and she said, “I’ve gone six months without what I used to get five and six nights a week.  I needed this.  I’ve only had sex with two men in my life and I didn’t want to take pot luck.  I wanted a known quantity and that would be you.  If it had not been for Sissy’s wedding I would have found some other way to make it happen.”

“Any chance that this could turn into something?”

“I don’t know Rob, could it?”

We started dating and six months later I asked Grace to marry me and she accepted.  Four months after that we were married.  I never did find out what happened between her and Dale and the one time I came right out and asked she told me that it was a subject that she wasn’t prepared to discuss.

“It is a closed chapter of my life Rob and I plan on keeping it that way.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We decided early on that we didn’t want to have children and so I had a vasectomy so we wouldn’t have to mess with birth control pills and diaphragms and the like.

The next ten years rolled by and for the most part they were good years.  There was only one major problem.  With no kids and both of us working we were living large.  About six years into the marriage the firm that Grace was working for was bought out by another firm and when the dust all settled Grace’s job was one of the ones eliminated.  We needed her income if we were to maintain our lifestyle.  I suggested we find a smaller house, one that we could afford on just my salary, but Grace would have none of that.  She didn’t want to give up anything so she sent out resumes and started going on interviews.  She came home one evening and told me that she had a job offer.

“Its decent money and it has god benefits.”

“I can tell from your voice that there is a “but” in there somewhere.”

“It is with Apollo Industries.”

“So?” I asked and then it dawned on me.  “Just don’t accept any transfers to San Francisco.”

The next four years went by and then about three months before our eleventh anniversary things went to hell.  Along with deciding early on to have no children we also decided that we each needed a night out alone to give each other a chance to talk to other people, keep a fresh perspective and to give each other a little breathing room.  My night was Monday and I bowled in the men’s house league at Starlight Lanes.  Grace’s night was Wednesday and she spent it stopping for drinks with the people she worked with.

One night as we sucked down a couple of beers after the game Dave Sampson asked me how Grace and I were getting along.

“Okay.  Why would you be asking that?”

“No reason bud, just curious.”

“And why would you be curious about that?”

“Well, she and Dale did have a thing going for eight or nine years.”

“So?”

“So I was just curious as to how things have been going since he moved back to town and is working in the same office as Grace.”

A cold chill went down my spine when he said that.  Dale was back and working in the same office as Grace?  She had not mentioned that to me.  I wasn’t going to let Dave know that I didn’t know so all I said was that everything was fine.  The next morning I called Harv Yohann who worked in shipping and receiving at Apollo and asked him how long Dale had been back and Harv told me that Dale had been back for a little over six months.  Six months!  Six fucking months and not one word from Grace.  The chill was back sliding down my spine.

I spent all day thinking about it and human nature being what it is I naturally thought the worst.  Dale’s back over half a year and Grace wasn’t mentioning him.  Did they have something going?  I thought back over the last six months and some things that I had noticed, but hadn’t paid much attention too suddenly shot to the forefront of my mind.  Grace’s Wednesday nights had been getting later and later.  She used to get home around eight-thirty or nine, but for the last several months she hadn’t been getting home until ten-thirty or eleven.

 I’d always heard that one of the signs of a straying wife was an increase or decrease in sexual activity; the theory being that the decrease was because she was feeling guilty over cheating her husband and couldn’t face him on the nights she had been with her lover and the increase was because she got turned on giving her husband sloppy seconds or cuckolding him.

Grace and I had always had what I considered a good healthy sex life.  Three times a week on the average and if one of the times was on the weekend we sometimes made it two or three times.  Our sex life had increased.  Four and five times a week and always - ALWAYS - on Wednesdays and on the other nights it would usually be twice and once in a while three times.  In the car she would slide over and fondle my cock and sometimes even take it out and suck on it and she hadn’t done that in years.  I asked her about it and she said she thought we were getting in a rut and she was trying to liven things up.  I had no reason not to accept that as gospel.  But that was then and this was now and now I was having doubts.  I had never once given a thought to the possibility that Grace might cheat on me and God knows that I didn’t want to believe she was, but I wasn’t the kind to say, “Oh no!  My wife would never do something like that” and ignore it.  I was a believer in the old adage that “where there is smoke there is fire.”  I hoped that Grace wasn’t playing around behind my back, but ‘hope’ wouldn’t cut it.  I had to know!

The first thing I did was check out Grace’s Wednesday nights.  Her group always stopped at the Landing Strip Lounge so I took my car to the dealer for service, got a loaner and was sitting in it at the back of the lot at the Strip five minutes before Grace got off work.  I saw her pull into the lot and sit in her car until a red Lexus pulled in and parked beside her.  Dale got out of the Lexus and Grace got out of her car, the two of them kissed briefly and then walked hand and hand into the bar.  They came out of the bar at ten after ten and sat in Grace’s car talking.  They kissed twice - both times long and steamy - and I looked at my watch and saw that if Grace was going to be home by eleven she wouldn’t be doing anything with Dale on that night so I went home.  I was in bed when Grace got home at five to eleven.  When she saw that I was still awake she said:

“You’re up.  Good, because I’m horny.”

She climbed onto the bed and reached for my cock and it did what it always did when Grace reached for it - it shot up erect.  She opened her mouth, took my cock inside and sealed her lips around me as her head started bobbing up and down.  After a couple of minutes she took her mouth off me and asked me if I wanted to cum in her mouth or her pussy.  “Pussy” I moaned and she rolled over and onto her back and spread her legs wide.

“Fuck me hard baby; fuck me hard and make me cum.”

I mounted her and thrust inside her as hard as I could.  Because of the blow job I was close and I only lasted about three minutes, but it was three minutes of hard, fast fucking and I did manage to give her one orgasm before I blew.

As I pulled out she pulled me down, rolled me onto my back and went down on my limp cock.  She sucked my cock and played with my balls until she had me up again and then she swung over me and drove herself down on my cock.  She put her hands on my shoulders and then rode me until I shot into her for the second time that night.  She laid on top of me until my cock was as soft as a cooked noodle and then she rolled off of me, snuggled up against me and in minutes she was asleep.

I stared up at the ceiling and wondered if her passion was fueled by guilt; guilt over what she had done or guilt over what she was going to do.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I checked out Grace’s Wednesday nights for three weeks in a row and all I saw were Dale and my wife holding hands and kissing.  It seemed that if they were doing anything it was happening at some other time.  Since I could account for most of her nights and weekends it had to be either during the day when they were supposed to be at work or on the Monday nights I bowled.

I had some comp time coming so I told the boss I needed to use some of it, then I called Dave who was the captain of my bowling team and told him I was going to miss a couple of weeks and he should arrange for a substitute for me.  I was parked and waiting on Monday when Grace and Dale got in Dale’s car and went to lunch.  I followed them to a Denny’s and watched as they went inside holding hands.  They came out about forty-five minutes later and sat in Dale’s car talking for about five minutes and then Grace slid across the seat and they necked for another five minutes after which they went back to work.

I was parked and waiting again when they got off work that evening.  They each got in their own car and I followed them to Mario’s.  Dale got out of his car and got into Grace’s and they talked for about five minutes and then necked for ten more before getting out of the car and, holding hands, they headed for the restaurant.  Two hours later they came out, got in Dale’s car and necked for about fifteen minutes and then Grace got in her car and drove home.  I killed another hour and then I went home at the same time I normally got home from bowling.  I found Grace waiting up for me.

“Hi baby.  Can I welcome you home with a blow job?”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

For the next two months I spot checked Grace at her lunch time, on my bowling nights and on her Wednesday night out.  She always had lunch with Dale and they went straight back to work.  Dale spent Wednesday evening with her at the Landing Strip and they had dinner together on Monday nights.  I never did see them doing anything other than talk, hold hands and neck.  But they could have left work early and gone somewhere when I wasn’t around watching.  I did notice that the necking sessions were getting hotter and lasting longer as time progressed.  The other constant was that Grace was damned near insatiable on Monday and Wednesday nights and I could never figure out why.  Guilt over what she was doing maybe?

At the end of a couple of months it was obvious to me that, unless they had found some way to do it at work, that physically Grace had not cheated on me.  But it was equally obvious to me as evidenced by the longer and hotter make out sessions that she eventually would.  I spent many sleepless nights lying there in our bed and thinking about it.  Confrontation was not an option for me.  Confrontation would force things out into the open and I did not want that.  I had to know what Grace would choose and that meant that I had to let her run free.  All I could do was watch and wait and hope that she chose me.  Easier said than done.

As time went by and I saw the kisses getting longer and longer it was obvious to me that Grace was making her choice and it wasn’t going to be me.  For me it boiled down to confrontation or just walking away.  But what if confrontation made her feel guilty and she stayed with me because of that guilt?  What if she stayed with me, but forever held it against me for keeping her from what she would have really preferred?  There were so many of those damned “what ifs” and the bottom line was that I couldn’t stay with some one who didn’t want me and the longer and longer make out sessions between Grace and Dale told me that she would rather be with him than me and she just hadn’t yet got to the point where it was time to tell me.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I looked down at the legal pad in front of me, clicked the pen to extend the point and then began writing.

“Dear Grace,

By the time you read this I will be gone.  It is a difficult decision for me, but one made necessary by your actions.  It is all the more difficult because you did give me the best ten years of my life, but I do have to say that this last year has sucked big time.

I have loved you since the eighth grade and the happiest day of my life was the day you said “I do” and I slid my ring on your finger.  That happiness blinded me to one simple fact.  I was second best.  You made a choice when you were in the eighth grade and that choice wasn’t me.  I was in the background as you and Dale started your journey.  True, you did occasionally turn to me, but it was only temporary because you wanted company when Dale wasn’t around, but I was still only second best even though I never thought it or even considered it.

But in the last nine months you have made it clear that I was only second best.  Imagine, if you will, my surprise when Dave told me that Dale was back and working in the same office as you.  Imagine my surprise when I found out that he had been back and working with you for six months.  You never once mentioned to me that he was back.  But then you never mentioned a lot of other things either.  Things like having lunch with him almost every day.  Things like having dinner with him every Monday night.  Things like spending your “girl’s night out” with him every Wednesday night at the Landing Strip.  And oh yes, not to forget that you never mentioned the kissing and hand holding that you did every time the two of you were together.

There could have been more, much more I suppose, but I never had the heart to dig any deeper than I already had.  What I have already listed here was enough to crush me.  I doubt I could bear knowing anything else.

I love you enough to want you to be happy so I am getting out of the way and freeing you up to go with your first choice.  The house is yours.  I have taken the few things that I want and the rest is yours.  I have taken half of the savings and checking accounts and five of the nine certificates of deposit that were in the safe deposit box.

I am going to leave it up to you to handle the divorce.

I hope you and Dale will be happy together.

                                                                   Rob

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The company had been asking me for over a year to move to Baltimore and take over the office there.  I had always turned them down because Grace and I were settled in and happy where we were.  However, given the circumstances vis a vis Grace and Dale I no longer wanted to stay in town and I told my boss I would take the transfer.

I told the receptionist that I was getting divorced and that if Grace called not to tell her that I had transferred to Baltimore and then to tell her that she had been directed to not take any more of Grace’s calls.  I cancelled my cell phone service, signed up with a new provider and got a new phone number and then headed for Baltimore.

I was in Baltimore almost five weeks before Grace found out where I was.  One morning my secretary rang me on the intercom and told me that I had a call on line 3.  I picked up the phone and said:

“This is Rob.”

“You are a hard man to find.”

“Apparently not hard enough.  What do you want Grace?”

“We need to talk Rob.”

“No we don’t Grace.  It is -- what did you call it when I asked you about what happened between you and Dale all those years ago -- “A closed chapter in my life and I plan on keeping it that way?”  That is where things are now Grace.  It is a closed chapter.”

“You don’t understand Rob.  What you saw isn’t what you thought it was.”

“Grace, there is no doubt that what I saw is exactly what I saw.  Nice talking with you Grace.  Bye.”

I punched the button on the intercom and told Marge not to take any more calls from Grace and she laughed.  “You have bigger problems than that boss.  Apparently she called on her cell from here inside the building.  Unless you plan on jumping out your fourth floor window to leave your office you will have to come out your office door and she is sitting right here.”

I sighed and said, “You might as well send her in.”

The door opened and Grace walked in and seeing her took my breath away.  She was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.  As she closed the door behind her I said:

“Why are you here Grace?  What do you want?”

“You.”

“What happened?  Dale bail out on you?”

“Dale was never in a position to bail out on me.  If you had taken the time to talk to me you would have known that.”

“If I had taken the time to talk to you?  The talk should have happened a year ago and it should have gone something like this.  “Hey honey, guess what?  Dale just moved back to town and he will working in my office with me.”  But that isn’t what happened is it Grace?  He was back six months before I heard about it and even then it wasn’t from you.  Then there were three more months without a word from you, and God knows I got nothing from you on what you were doing with Dale for those nine months.  No Grace, don’t you dare come in here and hit me with that I should have talked with you shit!  You had nine months to talk to me and you never said a goddamned word.  Now, why are you here?”

“I need your address and a key so I can move my stuff in.”

“Move your stuff in?”

“Yes Rob, move my stuff in.  You live here now and I’m your wife so I need to move here too.  I quit my job, put the house up for sale and here I am.”

“I don’t understand.  What about you and Dale?”

“There is no me and Dale.  There never was a me and Dale.  If you had come to me when you found out what you found out and had asked me what was going on I would have told you.  The reason I never told you that Dale was back and in my office was that I was afraid that if you knew I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted to do.  Our being there in the same office would have had an effect on your feelings and attitudes and knowing my past with Dale would have had an impact on what you thought.

“You are human Rob, and it would have been human nature for you to wonder and worry and some things might have happened that you might have read the wrong way.  You might have gone looking for Dale to remind him that I wasn’t his any more.  You might have started stopping by my office more often or started coming down to the Strip on Wednesdays and I didn’t want that.  I needed to be able to go after Dale without any interference.”

“You aren’t making any sense here Grace.  First you say that there was never was a Dale and you and now you are saying that you needed to be able to go after him without me getting in the way.  From what I saw Grace, you got him.  Or were all those necking sessions’ just figments of my imagination?”

“No Rob, they weren’t, and that’s when you should have come to me and asked me just what I was doing.”

“And that would have been?”

“Getting even Rob.  Getting back at that asshole.”

“Those were some pretty hot make out sessions with some one you think of as an asshole.”

“Well he was an asshole Rob.  Actually he still is an asshole.  What else would you call someone who deliberately sets out to seduce another man’s wife?” 

“This conversation is not making any sense at all Grace.  First there is no Dale and you and then it is I need to be kept in the dark so you could go after Dale.  Next, he is an asshole, but I saw you in some pretty steamy make out sessions with the asshole and that is just what I saw.  I have no idea of what went on that I didn’t see, but nothing you have said so far adds up.”

“I didn’t do anything else Rob.”

“That’s what you say Grace, but given the circumstances I have no reason to believe you.  In fact, I have every reason to doubt whatever you tell me.  But that is neither here nor there.  Right now I am at work and I have things to do so I don’t have time for this.”

“Fine.  Give me your address and a key.  I’ll have dinner waiting when you get home and we can talk over dinner and a bottle of wine.”

“I don’t think so Grace.  I made a clean break when I left.  I said all I had to say in the letter that I left you.  If you want to talk I’ll give you that, but not at my place.  There is a restaurant just down the street and I’ll meet you there when I get off at five-thirty.  I’ll listen to what you have to say, but based on your actions of the past year don’t be surprised if I don’t believe much of what you say.  Now if you will excuse me I really do have to get back to work.”

She sat there and looked at me for several seconds and then she got up and left.  As I watched the door close behind her I wondered what it was that she really wanted?  The fact that she found me wasn’t surprising because so many of our mutual acquaintances knew where I was, but why did she bother?  I gave her what she wanted.  I left and gave her and Dale a clear field.

Grace was sitting in a booth when I got to the restaurant and as I slid in across from her Albert, our waiter, asked me, “The usual Mr. Roberts?”

“Yes Albert, thank you.”

“Still drinking vodka tonics with a twist of lime” Grace asked.

“Some things don’t change.”

Grace was silent for a couple of seconds and then said, “Why did you leave me a letter instead of just talking to me?”

“Why talk?  I wouldn’t have believed anything you would have said.”

“I’ve never lied to you Rob.”

“Sure you have Grace.  You lied to me for nine months.  Not outright maybe, but what you were doing behind my back was a lie.  A lie of omission rather than commission, but a lie none the less.”

“Even if you did feel that way you still should have talked to me instead of sneaking away.”

“You can call it sneaking away if you like, but I left without facing you because I didn’t think I could bear the pain of seeing the joy in your eyes when I set you free to be with Dale.  I set you free Grace so you could be with Dale.  Now, why are you here?”

“I’m here because this is where you are.  That little matter of “till death do you part” that we agreed to eleven years ago.”

“What about the “hold only unto you” part or are vows selective in your eyes?”

“I held to that part too Rob.  There was nothing going on between Dale and me except in Dale’s mind.  I didn’t tell you about Dale being back because I knew that you would never go along with what I wanted to do.  You probably would have understood why I wanted to do it, but human nature would have gotten in the way of your letting me do it.  There wasn’t any way that you would have let me spend as much time with Dale as I needed without starting to worry that instead of my getting revenge I might end up back with Dale.  You would wonder if I was really doing what I said I was or was I just using the revenge story as cover to be with Dale.  Human nature Rob; no one is immune to it.”

“Revenge?  Revenge for what?”

“You remember when I flew out to San Francisco?  Well, I didn’t tell Dale I was coming.  I found him shacked up with a big titted blonde.  I asked her who she was and she told me that she was Dale’s fiancée.  I noticed that she wasn’t wearing a ring and I commented on it and she told me that they just hadn’t gotten around to picking it out yet.  I took mine off and handed it to her, spit in Dale’s face and came home.  I carried a lot of anger around with me when I got home.  Nine years of my life were spent believing that Dale and I were forever and then I found out that I had been replaced in less than three months.  I buried my anger and then got on with my life.

“Then Dale came back.  I saw him get out of his car from my office window and the sight of him brought all that buried anger back and I started thinking of ways that I could get back at him.  I knew he was an arrogant asshole and I knew that as soon as he saw me he would try to convince me that the big titted bimbo was a mistake and that he was sorry and so forth and that’s when I decided to stick it to him.”

“And you couldn’t tell me that?”

“No I couldn’t.  I was going to let him think that he could seduce me.  I was going to lead him on and send him home with blue balls every chance I got and I knew that you would never go along with it so I never told you that he was back.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that this seduction took nine months and that for nine months all you did was make out?”

“No Rob.  In the first place it didn’t go on for nine months.  It was three weeks before Dale even knew that I worked there and when he came back he didn’t come to my department.  It was three and a half months before he started working in my office.  Once he found out that I was there it took him three months before I was even civil to him and then another month and a half before I agreed to have lunch with him.  He did know where we stopped on Wednesday nights for drinks and he started stopping, but I wouldn’t have anything to do with him.  I knew that he would keep trying so I made him work for it.  I ignored him until he got me to have that first lunch with him.

“It went just as I knew it would.  He’d made a big mistake.  It was just that I had been the only one in his life and he wondered what other women were like and blah, blah, blah.  By the time he realized that I was the one all along it was too late; I’d found out and walked out on him.  He’d thought of me every day since and could I ever forgive him and on and on and on.  After that first lunch it was two weeks before I let him dance with me at the bar and then after a couple of more lunches I agreed to have dinner with him on a Monday night.

“I let him think that he was slowly winning me over and we had just reached the light kissing and hand holding stage when you apparently found out that he was back.  I’m guessing that is when you started watching to see what was going on.”

“And all of that was supposed to be leading where?”

“He thought he was going to get me to cheat on you and I let him think that it might happen.”

“Go on.”

“I let the necking get gradually hotter and hotter.  I let him play with my covered boobs and I let him get a hand up my dress a couple of times.  I let him get as far as being able to touch my pussy through my panties with a finger before pushing his hand away.  I even rubbed his erection through his trousers a couple of times.  I kept saying no, that it wouldn’t be right, that I was married and couldn’t, but I never said it forcefully enough to drive him away.  I led him on and on and I would have liked another month to mess with him, but I came home one night to find your letter and that changed everything.  I needed to put him down right away and get to work on finding you.  The night after I got your letter I nailed him.”

“You nailed him?”

“I told him that you went out of town on business and that I couldn’t fight the attraction anymore.  I told him that I missed him and his strong arms and then I told him to get a motel room and call me with the room number and I would meet him there.  Then I drove over to 12^th Street and paid one of the street walkers to go meet him at the room.  I told her that when he asked who she was she was to tell him that I had changed my mind and that I just couldn’t see cheating on my husband with a guy who had a small cock, but that I’d felt guilty over making him pay for a room so I sent her instead.

“The next day he came into the office livid and before he could say anything I told him to fuck off and leave me alone or I’d file a sexual harassment complaint against him.  Then I started looking for you.”

“And I’m supposed to believe all of this?”

“Why not?  It is all true.  Think about it Rob.  You were watching me so you know that I didn’t do anything except make out with Dale.  You could account for all of my time when I was at work, at the bar, at lunch time and on Monday nights and all the rest of the time I was with you.  When could I have done anything else?  Add to that the fact that the more time I spent with the asshole the more I appreciated what I had in you and that appreciation led to a renewed and very active sex life for us.  You were way wrong in your letter Rob.  Yes, you were second choice, but you were never second best Rob - never!”

I sat there looking at her and I wanted to believe her, but I still had doubts.  True, I didn’t see her do anything but kiss and hold hands, but then I really didn’t watch her full time.  After the first two weeks of watching I only checked on her at lunch time maybe one day out of five.  Did I know what she did on the other four?  I only watched her have dinner with Dale on a Monday four times and true, she did nothing but hold hands and kiss while I was watching, but what of the other nights when I wasn’t there watching?  Same with Wednesdays.  I know what I saw on the nights I watched, but what about the others?  Did I know that on the nights I wasn’t watching they didn’t go to the Strip, but went somewhere else?

What about the time she wasn’t at work and was at home.  Did she really go shopping when she left the house for four or five hours?  When she left at eleven on Saturday to get her hair and nails done did I know that she didn’t also squeeze in a visit with Dale and do him before she came home?  I wanted to believe what she told me, but the doubts were there and she had planted those doubts when she hid from me the fact that Dale was back.

I told Grace what I’d just been thinking and then said, “Once you plant doubt it never goes away.  It will sit in the back of your mind and just wait for something to trigger it.  I don’t know that I can live like that Grace.  I’ve loved you for what seems like forever.  I loved you enough to want you to be happy so I got out of the way so you and Dale could go forward.  But I don’t know that I love you enough to spend the rest of my life living with doubts.  Something happens and you are a few hours late coming home and doubt is going to go to work and make me think “I wonder if she is with Dale.”  It won’t matter what you tell me the cause was, I will still have had the thought.  Phone calls with no one saying anything when I pick up will have me wondering if it was Dale.  I get those kinds of calls now even living alone and they don’t matter at all, but they will if we get back together and all because you didn’t tell me about Dale.

“You leave the house to go shopping and when you come home I’ll be looking at what you bought and thinking, “Did it really take her as long as she was gone to get that much or was some of the time spent doing something else and maybe with Dale.”  That isn’t me Grace. That isn’t the man I was before Dale came back, but that is the man I might become thanks to the doubt that you have planted in my mind.  I really don’t know that I can live like that Grace.”

Grace reached across the table and took my hand in hers.  “I’ll just have to make damned sure that I don’t do anything to wake that doubt up.  I want you Rob.  I need you.  I need to be with you and I’ll do whatever I have to do to prove it, but I guess I’m going to have to give you some time to think about it.”

 Dinner arrived and we ate in silence and when all the plates were cleared off the table and we had finished our coffee she reached for her purse.

 “I need to find me a room for the night.  Where is the closest motel?”

I was going to tell her where the Quality Inn was, but at the last second I said, “You can stay at my place.”

She followed me to my apartment and when we were inside I told her to take the bedroom and I’d take the couch.  “Nonsense” she said, “This is your home.  I’ll take the couch” and I didn’t argue with her.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The bed shifted and it woke me up and I started to sit up, but an arm went across my chest and Grace’s voice came at me out of the darkness.

“Relax baby, it is just me.”  She snuggled up next to me and said, “This is where I’m supposed to be baby; this is where I need to be.”

She kissed my shoulder and minutes later I heard the relaxed, easy breathing that told me that she had fallen asleep.  I laid there looking up at the ceiling and thinking:

“This feels right.  This just feels so right” and I drifted off to sleep.