I opened the door to the garage as the truck backed into the driveway.  I helped the three men load all of the boxes into the back of the truck and then one of the men wrote me out a receipt, the men climbed into the truck and it drove away.

Two days later another truck backed up to the garage and when they left I took the receipt that they gave me and put it with the first one.  I spent the rest of the day scouring the house to make sure that every last trace of Jilly was gone.  The few things that I did find were packed up and put out into the garage with the rest.  Goodwill would be by in the morning to pick it up.  That would give me three receipts that I could use on Schedule A under Charitable Contributions when tax time came.  At least I would get something out of the marriage.

After Goodwill made their pick up I used the rest of the day to finish moving what was left in the house to my new apartment.  That done I called and had the gas, phone and electricity turned off.  The lease still had two months to run and I had no way to get out of it so I called the landlord and let him know I wasn’t going to renew.  I mentally accepted that I could kiss the security deposit goodbye.  Jill had a temper and what she might do when she came home to an empty house might even exceed the amount of the deposit.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I supposed a good deal of the blame could be laid on me because I wasn’t more assertive with Jilly.  I tended to always let her have her way.  Some say I was pussy whipped and I guess that was true enough, but it was to be expected, especially from a guy like me.  Most people, me among them, couldn’t understand why the most beautiful girl in our class had saddled herself with me.  She had her pick of the best-looking and most popular guys in school and she picked me.

I was an average student, didn’t play sports and my only extracurricular activities were the Chess Club and The Classical Music Society.  So everybody was stunned when at the Senior Prom she had an argument with her date and walked away from him leaving him standing in the middle of the dance floor.  She looked around, saw me and walked over to me.

“You didn’t bring a date tonight, did you?”

I stuttered out a “no” and she said, “You have one now” and she took me by the hand and said, “Let’s dance” and she led me out onto the floor.

The rest of the evening was a confused whirl as guy after guy asked her to dance and she kept saying, “Sorry, I’m with Benny tonight.”  During the last dance she moved in close to me and said, “I hope you aren’t in any hurry to get home tonight Benny because we have a couple of parties to go to.”

My car wasn’t as nice as the limousine that she had arrived in, but it didn’t seem to matter much to her.  On the way to the first party I asked, “Are you sure this is okay?  I don’t exactly move in John’s circle.”

“Don’t sweat it Benny, you’re with me and that’s what counts.”

“Which brings me to my next question, why me?”  She smiled and patted me on the knee, “Because you were there Benny, because you were there.” 

Frankly, I expected that I would be ditched as soon as we got to the party, but Jilly stayed close to me as we circulated and talked to kids who had never before even acknowledged my existence.  I got a lot of looks from people that I interpreted as, “What are you doing here?” and I wanted to shrug and say, “Hey, I’m as much in the dark as you are.”  We hit two more parties that night and except for a different cast of characters they were pretty much all the same as the first one.

I pulled up in front of Jilly’s house at six in the morning and walked her to her door.  She opened the door and then turned to me, “Thanks for coming to my rescue Benny” and then she kissed me.  I felt her tongue flick into my mouth and then she broke the kiss and went inside.  The one thing that registered most sharply on me was that she didn’t say “Call me” or even “See you around” or anything else that would lead me to believe she would be receptive to my continued attentions.  I chalked the night up as a gift from my fairy godmother and went on home.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

For the rest of the school year I occasionally saw Jilly in the halls or in a class we shared, but outside of a friendly nod we never spoke to each other.  Then it was off to college and Jilly and I both attended the one that was in our hometown.  I rarely saw her since we didn’t have any of the same classes.  Whenever I did see her she was on the arm of some jock.  Once in our third year our eyes met across the room while we were in the cafeteria, held for a moment, and then she looked away.

I dated a lot during my college years, but I never hooked up with any one girl.  The one’s I really wanted to see again always had something else to do when I called and the ones that seemed willing to go out with me again just didn’t seem to interest me after the first date.

One day in my senior year I was sitting at a table in one of pizza places that seemed to surround the campus when a voice from behind me said, “Benny baby, can we join you?”

I looked around and saw Jilly and two other girls.  I wondered why they wanted to join me until I noticed that the place was full.  I motioned for them to sit and then Jilly introduced me to Mary and Nancy.

“So” asked Nancy, “Where do you two know each other from?”

Jilly laughed and said, “Benny was kind of my date for the senior prom.”

“What does that mean, ‘kind of my date?”

Jilly went on to explain and then said, “And do you know Benny never called me after that?”

Nancy and Mary looked at me with “What’s wrong with you” written all over their faces.

“Hey, what can I say?  We moved in different circles and I knew I was only a means to an end.  Two days later you were back with your boyfriend and life went on.”

Jilly shook her head.  “Benny,  Benny, Benny.  Don’t you know that when a girl kisses you goodnight like I did that night she expects to hear from you again?”

“Obviously not.  How about that ladies” I said to Mary and Nancy, “The love of my life lost because of my poor communication skills.”

“Maybe not lost Benny, maybe only just delayed a bit” Jilly said as she slid me a piece of paper.  I looked at it and saw that it was a phone number.

I called, we started dating and after we graduated we became engaged.  A year later we were married.  Our first two years were like a dream to me and then the dream turned into a nightmare.  I began to hear rumors that Jilly was running around on me.  I had nothing concrete to go on, just rumors, and since we seemed to be getting along great I put them out of my mind.  But the rumors persisted.

One week during the third year of our marriage my company sent me to Salt Lake City for a three-day seminar.  The first night I called home four times and never got an answer.  When I got up early the next morning and called home before the seminar started I still didn’t get an answer.  That night Jilly answered and when I asked where she had been the previous evening and in the morning she told me she had been home and then asked why.  “I tried to call several times and never got an answer.”

“I don’t understand that honey, I was right here.”

My last night in Salt Lake she answered the phone on the sixth ring and she sounded out of breath. And I could almost swear I heard other heavy breathing in the background.  For the first time I began to seriously wonder if the rumors had any substance to them.  The last day of the seminar I called Jilly and told her that I had to stay over one more day and then I caught the first flight out that I could get on.

There was a strange car parked in our driveway when I got home and I parked at the end of the street and settled in to wait.  I had intended to wait and see who came out; for all I knew it could be one of Jilly’s girlfriends and in fact, that is what I was praying for.  As the hours passed and darkness fell and it got later and later it looked as if my prayers were going to go unanswered.  At eleven-thirty the lights went out and still no one had come out of the house.

It was decision time.  Time to either go into the house or call and tell Jilly I got my business out of the way, caught a late flight and was on my way home from the airport.  I suddenly found that I didn’t have the intestinal fortitude to confront Jilly.  I loved her and I couldn’t picture myself living without her.  I sat there in my car and convinced myself that Jilly had just gotten a girlfriend to come and stay with her because she was lonely with me gone.  It just couldn’t be anything else; our relationship was just too strong for it to be anything else.  I started the car, drove to a motel and checked in for the night.

In the morning I had breakfast, did some shopping to keep myself occupied and around eleven I called home and told Jilly my flight had just landed and that I would be home shortly.  When I arrived home Jilly met me at the front door in nothing but a pair of high heels.

“Does this give you some idea of how much I missed you?”

She grabbed my tie and led me into the bedroom and four hours later when I could not get my cock hard any more and I was lying on my back looking up at the ceiling I thought, “No way there can be anything wrong.”

A month later we were at a party and I lost track of Jilly for a while, maybe a half-hour or so, and just as I was about to go looking for her she came in from the patio.  She looked a little flushed and she told me that she had to go outside for some air and then she said, “I’m getting horny baby, let’s get out of here and go home.” 

On the way Jilly slid over next to me, “I can’t wait baby,” and she unzipped me and bent down to take me in her mouth.  I just happened to glance down as we passed under a street light and I saw that the buttons on her dress were misaligned – they were buttoned a couple of holes off.  She hadn’t left the house that way; I know, because I buttoned her up.  But as it was when I returned from my trip Jilly made love to me until I was exhausted and fell asleep.  I woke up the next morning with Jilly wrapped around me and I thought, “Damn it Ben, what the fuck is wrong with you thinking bad thoughts about this woman who so obviously loves you.”

Over the next two years there were several more instances where things happened that would have had any sensible man hiring a private detective or taking time off work to follow his wife around, but I wasn’t sensible – I was in love.  And Jilly loved me, I know she did.  There is no way our sex life could have been as rich as it was; no way she could snuggle and cuddle with me the way she did if she didn’t love me.

For our wedding anniversary I took Jilly to St. Thomas for a week.  We swam during the day or lay on the beach, and drank and danced every night and then made love until we fell asleep.  Everywhere we went Jilly drew attention and I smiled to myself as I thought, “Eat your hearts out guys, she’s mine.”  The third day I signed us up for SCUBA lessons, but Jilly begged off saying that she had a headache.  Four hours later when I returned she was feeling much better and wanted to make love.  We skipped dinner that night and she wore me out.  The next day she said that she really didn’t want to go SCUBA diving and that she was just going to lie on the beach and work on her tan.

I showed up to pick up my rental tanks and found out that the compressor had broken down and that they hadn’t been able to refill any tanks.  They said that it would be about half an hour before they would be up and running so I spent the next thirty minutes just browsing the dive shop.  Forty-five minutes later they told me that they had purchased the wrong part and that it would be at least another four hours so I headed back to the hotel.  I couldn’t find Jilly on the beach so I went up to our room. 

As soon as I opened the door I knew what I was going to find.  I could hear it out in the hall where I was standing with my hand on the doorknob. 

“Oh yes, that’s it, push it in.  Ooh god, but that does feel good.”

I quietly closed the door behind me and moved into the room where I could see the bed.  Jilly was on her knees and behind her was a black man that I had seen around the hotel.  He was pushing his cock into Jilly and I heard him say, “God woman, you is tight.  Don’t nobody fuck you?”

“Not like you baby, not like you.  Oh yes baby, oh yes, like that, just like that.”

“How much time we got?”

“A couple of hours anyway.”

“Actually” I said, “That’s not quite true.  Depending how you want to look at it, time either just ran out on you or you have all the time in the world from now on.”

The action on the bed came to a sudden stop as both heads jerked in my direction just in time to see me turn and leave.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I went down to the hotel bar, ordered a Jack, water back, “And make it a double please” and then I at there and cursed myself for spending all those years in denial.  I know why I did it, I loved Jilly and I knew that if I faced up to what was going on I would lose her.  It was easier to ignore what I knew than it would have been to face up to it.  Well, you can hardly deny something when you’ve seen it with your own eyes.

Some one slid onto the stool next to me and a voice said, “Buy a girl a drink?”

I turned and saw Jilly sitting there.  I waved the bartender over and Jilly ordered a Rum and Coke.

“That was quick.  What happened, he get scared and run when the husband caught him?”

“I guess so.”

“Sorry.  I didn’t mean to spoil your anniversary trip.  God forbid I fuck up something as important to you as that.”

“Don’t be silly Benny.  As long as I’m with you everything is fine.”

“Then things aren’t fine, are they, because you are no longer with me.”

“Oh come on Benny, you know better than that.  You know you love me and you know that I love you.  I’m just a girl who needs a whole lot more sex than any one man can give me.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.  Besides, you’ve known for years, at least as far back as your trip to Salt Lake City for that seminar and it has never bothered you before.”

“That was then Jilly, this is now.  I didn’t know.  I had a hunch, I suspected, but as long as I had no direct evidence I was able to convince myself that you loved me and that you wouldn’t do anything like that to me.  It is called denial Jilly, and after today I can’t deny it any more.”

“Nothing has changed Benny.  I love you baby and I know you love me.  We’ve been fine together all these years and nothing has to change.  I’m still yours baby.  Come on, let’s go up to the room and let me show you.”

I had no idea what I was going to do, but I did know that whatever it was it wasn’t going to be done on St. Thomas.  And I did have a certain amount of morbid curiosity about what it would feel like to enter my wife after on of her lovers.  We finished our drinks and went up to the room.  It surprised me that Jilly didn’t feel any different than she always did until it dawned on me – why should she, I’d been following guys into her for five years.

The sex was as intense as it always had been and I fell asleep exhausted as I usually did.  Jilly was wrapped around me when I woke up in the morning and as I lay there denial was slowly being replaced by a small kernel of “acceptance.”  I knew I loved Jilly and I was pretty sure that she loved me, at least in her own twisted way, and things had been fine all through our marriage so why not keep what we had.

Jilly woke up, saw that I was awake and her hand slid down my body and came to rest on my cock.  As soon as her fingers touched it it came to life.  “I think it wants me Benny, can I have it?”

It was another spirited romp after which I called room service for breakfast.  I took a shower and when I came out I saw the room service waiter wheel in our food – it was the black man from the day before.  He and Jilly talked while I dried off and dressed and when I was done Jilly came over to me.

“I know we were supposed to fly home today Benny, but James wants to show me around the island so I’ve decided to stay over a couple of more days.  You don’t mind, do you baby?”

It was at that point that I knew I just could not accept the life I was going to have if Jilly and I stayed together.  God knows I loved her, but I just could not live a life like that.  I think I shocked her when I said, “Stay if you want to, but do it knowing that you won’t have a home when you finally decide to leave.”

I left the room and went down to the gift shop in the lobby to get a few things for my parents.  When I got back to the room Jilly wasn’t there, but I could tell from the large damp spot on the bed that Jilly and James hadn’t waited for long after I’d gone.  I was packing when Jilly came into the room.

“What did you mean by what you said before you left?”

“It doesn’t matter now Jilly, not after my seeing that wet spot on the bed.  Stay or fly home with me today, either way we are history.”

“You are just a little upset right now baby.  Give it a day or two and you’ll see that we are okay.  We love each other Benny and you know it.  When I get home we will sit down and talk it all out.  We’ll be okay Benny, you’ll see.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I flew home alone, got myself good and drunk, and then the next day I started packing up everything that was Jilly’s.  A call to Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Big Brothers and Sisters of American took care of the disposal of her stuff.  I suppose that I could have just moved out and left her stuff there, but I needed a way to show Jilly that we were through and not to bother calling me and an empty house should do it.  I took one last look around to make sure that I hadn’t missed anything and then I closed the door behind me and set out to get on with my life.