For the next two years Kirby and I kept up our off again on again relationship. Sometimes Nick would be home the entire time I was there and Kirby and I wouldn’t connect.
Somewhere along the way it occurred to me that Kirby and Carol were carbon copies of each other and I began to wonder if Carol was doing it for the same reason Kirby was. I don’t mean cheating on me because I was cheating on her because until Kirby I never had. But was she with Monroe because she was just too horny when I was on the road? Was she telling Jason what Kirby was telling me? That she loved her husband, but had to have a sexual outlet when I wasn’t there?
I decided that I needed to find out just what the deal was with Carol and her lover. The problem was that there wasn’t any easy way to do it. I could put a tap on the phone at the house, but it didn’t look like Carol ever lived there while I was gone. I could put a recorder under the seat of her Mustang, but it would only be good for maybe eight hours of the several weeks I’d be gone and I didn’t want to waste a ton of money on a private detective. I just had to gamble on Carol and her lover talking on the phone while I was home. That didn’t seem likely since they had all day to talk to each other at work.
I thought about it for a bit and then decided that I would try and set Carol up. I would tell her after she got home from work on Friday that I had to take a car to the state fairgrounds for the weekend and that it wouldn’t make any sense for me to drive all the way home just to turn around and go back five hours later. Then I would tell her that I would probably be leaving Monday for a two week shoot in Charlotte.
I put a voice activated tape recorder under the seat of her Mustang and rigged one to tape calls on the home phone and then I kissed Carol goodbye and went fishing. I came home Sunday night and Carol damned near killed me in bed.
“I’ve got to stock up for when you are gone.”
I’d already arranged to take a half a day off work on Monday so Sunday night I got the recorder out from under the seat of the Mustang and Monday I left for work at my regular time. I hit Wal-Mart for a few things and then came home after Carol had gone to work. There was nothing on the car recorder, but there was something on the phone tap.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.”
“Carol?”
“You sound surprised.”
“I am. You never call when your husband is home.”
“He isn’t home. He is on an all night location at the state fairgrounds.”
“Does this mean you are coming over?”
“Of course not. You know the rules. When Rob is home I’m his and his alone.”
“But you just said he’s not home.”
“You know full well what I mean. He may no be in the house at this exact moment, but he is home. The reason I’m calling is to let you know he will be leaving Monday for two weeks. I’m calling to remind you to load up on condoms if you expect to spend time with me.”
“You are really going to do it?”
“Yes I am.”
“You know I don’t like using condoms.”
“Tough shit Jason. If you want to keep seeing me you will start using condoms.”
“Your plan isn’t going to work you know. I’ve always said he is more interested in his job than you.”
“What you are saying is that you hope my plan won’t work because you know if it does you won’t be having me any more.”
“I’m not worried about that because I know he won’t leave his job just because you get yourself pregnant.”
“Of course he will. He has a wife who loves him and who is crazy about him and he will have a beautiful child that he will have to help raise. He will want to stay home with us.”
“But…”
“No buts Jason. I’ve already gone off the pill. If you want to continue with me until I give Rob his child you WILL use condoms. And Jason – don’t get the cheap ones. You won’t like what I’ll do to you if one of them breaks. See you at work Monday. Bye.”
I sat there staring at the recorder as I digested what I’d just heard. She didn’t say it outright, but it was easy for me to infer that she was doing just what Kirby was doing – using a fill in when hubby was gone because she needed sex. She pretty much said that Jason was history when I started staying home full time, but the most monumental fact was that she was willing to get herself pregnant to try and keep me home. Before we were married we had talked about kids. I wanted two, a boy and a girl and Carol wanted none. In fact she flat out told me that if having a family was important to me then I should let her go and find some one else.
“I love you” she told me, “But I will not under any circumstances be having babies.”
I loved her and I wanted her and so I had accepted that I would never have a family and I married her. And now here she was deliberately going to let herself get pregnant so she could get me to stay home with her. That one phone call flipped my world on its ear. Jason had a point. I did love my job. I made damned good money at it and before listening to that phone call I would have taken the job over Carol in a heartbeat because of her affair with Jason. Now? I just didn’t know.
Monday when I came home from work I told Carol that the Charlotte trip had been cancelled and then in a joking manner I said:
“I guess you will just have to call your boyfriend back and tell him you won’t be free after all.”
I watched her face as I said it, but she just smiled at me and said in a joking manner:
“Damn. He will be so disappointed. I guess I will just have to be satisfied with you” and she drug me off to bed.
After Carol fell asleep I laid there staring up at the ceiling and wondered just what I was going to do.
----------------------------------
Over the next two months I passed on two locations – a three day shoot in Miami and a four day shoot in Atlanta – so I could stay home with Carol. I had no idea what transpired at the office between Carol and Jason, but there was never anything on the recorders. Carol came straight home from work every night and I occasionally spot checked on her during her lunch hours and while she did have lunch with Jason a time or two it was straight from work to the restaurant and then straight back to work. I got to where I really believed that as long as I stayed home Carol was mine and mine alone. Our sex life was great. Carol never seemed to get enough and I began to understand why she needed a stand-in while I was gone for weeks at a time.
My attitude toward Carol changed a hundred and eighty degrees. She was no longer just a house keeper and sexual outlet for me when I was home. My feelings for her got back to where they were before I found out about Jason. Hey! I am not a hypocrite. She’d had Jason but I’d had Kirby so neither one of us could hold the high ground on the issue. Granted that she had started long before I did, but I had come to understand why.
The inevitable happened and a three week location in Palm Springs came up and I had to take it. The long shoots were where the money was and that is why I worked – to make money. When I walked into the lounge I didn’t see Kirby. I took a seat at a table and Linda came up and said:
“Welcome back.”
“Is Kirby here?”
“She’s on break. I’ll let her know you are here.”
She took my drink order and a few minutes later Kirby showed up with my drink and as she set it down in front of me she said:
“I wondered if I would ever see you again.”
“Have I been replaced?”
“No. Nick has gone through an uncommonly long stint at home.”
“Does that mean we are not likely to connect while I’m here?”
“I don’t know. How long are you going to be here?”
“Supposed to be three weeks, but you know how that goes. I could be out of here in two or still be here in five,”
“Nick hasn’t said anything about having to leave so I don’t honestly know if I can see you or not.”
“I’m in room 216 at the motel in case you want to call.”
“You won’t be here nights?”
“Why? So I can watch you and know I can’t have you? I may stop in from time to time, but no way am I going to come in here and sit for hours knowing that I’ll be going back to my room alone.”
”I’m sorry baby, but you have always known I’m Nick’s when he is around.”
“I know sweetie.” She left to get back to work and after I had two drinks I headed back to the motel. Nick never did leave town and at the end of the shoot I headed home. It did not help my mood any to think on the fact that Carol was getting fucked on a regular basis while I was gone and I hadn’t even gotten a sniff.
-------------------------------
It was two months before I got another trip to California and during that two months Carol did everything she could think of to try and wear me out and keep me worn out. There were times I wondered if she might not have to sneak off to see Jason even though I was home.
I kept waiting for Carol to tell me she was pregnant, but it didn’t happen and I began to wonder if my little swimmers were up to the task. Then I wondered if it might be Carol. How ironic would that be? She doesn’t want a family and then she decides that she does want a little one to tie me down at home, but she can’t conceive.
Anyway, I got to Palm Springs and when I hit the lounge that night Kirby told me that Nick had been gone a little over a week and she would love to spend some time with me if I would like. Does a duck walk barefoot on the beach? We spent every night for the next nine days together and on the tenth night we were just recovering from a rather strenuous coupling when the phone rang. It was Linda calling to tell Kirby that Nick had just been in the lounge looking for her. Kirby was out of bed, dressed and on her way out the door in less than five minutes and I resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my trip.
The next night when I got back to my room there was a message for me to call Linda.
“Kirby is in the hospital. Nick found out what she was doing and he hurt her pretty bad. I think he is looking for you.”
He found me, but I don’t think he was too happy that he did. It was about eleven when I heard the knock on the door. I was alone on the shoot so it wouldn’t be anyone I worked with and Kirby was in the hospital. I went to the window and pulled the curtain back a hair and looked out. I saw a guy I didn’t know, but the tire iron in his hand told me who he was. I went to the door and made a lot of noise with the security chain against the door so he would hear it and then I stepped off to the side and pulled the door open.
He heard me with the chain so he thought I would be standing right in front of him when I opened the door. The tire iron swished through empty space and I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the room and then used his forward momentum to pull him across the room and slam his head into the wall. It dazed him, he dropped the tire iron and then I beat the living fuck out of him.
“Not so easy when it isn’t a woman is it fuck face” I hollered at him as I kicked him in the ribs, head and nuts. I picked up a towel and used it to keep my finger prints off the tire iron and then I picked it up and gave him three hard shots to the right knee. I grabbed him by his collar, pulled him out of my room and hoisted him up on the railing (I was in room 212) and then I pushed him over. If he was lucky the bushes that lined the edge of the parking lot would break his fall. If he missed the bushes? Tough shit! It had been a very hot day and maybe the asphalt would be soft. Then again, maybe not.
I went down to the restaurant and used the pay phone to call the front desk and then I disguised my voice and told them that I had just seen a drunk fall off the second floor walkway. I hung up and went across the street to the Oasis and had a few beers. About a half hour after I got there one of the cocktail waitresses asked:
“You are staying at the Westward aren’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“Any idea what is going on over there?”
“Something going on?”
“Red lights flashing all over the place.”
“Haven’t got a clue.”
I left at last call and went back to the motel. Connie was behind the counter and I said that I’d heard that there had been some excitement and she shrugged.
“Some drunk thought he was a bird and tried to fly off the second floor balcony. He landed kind of hard in the parking lot. Broke an arm and a leg.”
I went to my room and went to bed.
-----------------------------
The next day was one of those rare days when the sun didn’t shine in the Springs. It was overcast and the light wasn’t what the film crews wanted so they ended the day early. I was at the hospital at the start of visiting hours and I cringed when I walked into Kirby’s room. She looked awful. Face bruised and puffy, black eyes, her right wrist in a splint. I felt guilty. I didn’t do the damage, but if I had stayed away from her it wouldn’t have happened.
She heard me come in and she looked my way and I saw fear wash over her face. She said something but because of her swollen lips I couldn’t understand her. I took her left hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze and leaned down to put my ear close to her mouth. She jerked her hand out of mine and mumbled:
“Get out! You can’t be here. You can’t let Nick see us together.”
“You don’t have to worry about Nick. He isn’t going to be getting around too well for a while.”
“Oh my God! What did you do?”
“He came after me with a tire iron so I put him somewhere in this same hospital.”
“You hurt Nick? You hurt my Nick? Damn you!”
I pulled back from her. “He did this to you – your face, your wrist and the nurse says you have two broken or badly cracked ribs – and you are pissed at me? He came after me with a tire iron and he is damned lucky that I didn’t kill the worthless son of a bitch.”
“You hurt Nick? You bastard!”
I stepped back from Kirby’s bed stunned at how she was acting. I turned and walked out never looking back.
There was no fall out as far as the cops were concerned. Apparently Nick didn’t want it to get out that one man had fucked him up so badly. Five days later the shoot was over and I was on my way home.
---------------------------
I did my usual and came home earlier than Carol expected and found that things were still the same. I decided to be mean just to see what would happen. I was home watching TV when Carol came rushing in. I knew she had already seen my truck so she knew I was there.
“When did you get in?”
“Yesterday late. Where have you been?’
“Maggie just broke up with her boyfriend and was down in the dumps so I spent the night with her.”
Maggie was her sister and Maggie and I could not stand each other so it was a safe lie for Carol since she knew I would never call Maggie to check it out. Carol had to be thinking about whether or not I had noticed the lack of a ‘lived in’ look in the place, but all she did was the only thing she could do under the circumstances.
“You should have called and let me know you were coming. We lost a night and now we have to work hard at making up for it.”
She was stripping off her clothes as I said, “If I called you it would have taken you away from Maggie in her hour of need.”
“Yeah, right! Like I would choose Maggie over you.”
After she had exhausted me and fallen asleep I laid there awake and wondered what I should do about our situation if anything. Let it go on? Confront Carol and see where it went? I fell asleep still thinking about it. When I woke up in the morning I did what I had been doing for the last two years. Nothing.
---------------------------------
I did do one thing. Curiosity had gotten to me and so I made a doctor’s appointment and two days later had the information. If Carol never got pregnant it wouldn’t be my fault. My little guys were healthy as hell.
I’d been back about five days when Vern came up to me. “I got a call from Linda last night and she gave me a message for you.”
“What?”
“Kirby wants to talk to you. Linda says you should come over to my place and we can set it up so you can do it from there.”
“Why would I want to talk to Kirby?”
“I don’t know bud; I’m just the go between here.”
“Tell Linda to tell Kirby that I am not interested in talking to her. Tell her that the last words she said to me came through loud and clear.”
Vern never mentioned the outcome after he passed my words back to Kirby via Linda.
Given the perverse nature of The Fates it was only three weeks before I was sent back to California. As luck would have it Vern was my co-driver on the trip so Linda knew we were coming and if Linda knew no doubt Kirby did too. We got to Palm Springs and got checked in and then Vern told me he would meet me in the restaurant for dinner in a half hour.
When I walked in I saw him in a booth in the back and surprise, surprise Linda and Kirby were sitting with him. I was tempted to turn around and leave, but then I decided that since we would be there two weeks I’d be ducking Kirby for the entire time so best to just get it over with.
I went to the booth, sat down and said hello to Linda and Kirby and then I let Linda and Vern monopolize the conversation. I couldn’t ignore Kirby since she was sitting right across from me, but other than ‘hello’ when I got there I didn’t speak to her. We ate and then Linda and Vern stood up and Linda said:
“Vern and I will get out of here and let you two catch up.”
I resolved to do something really nasty to Vern for his part in things. Kirby reached for my hand and I pulled it back.
“Why won’t you talk to me?”
“Why would I want to after the last time I saw you? You were quite vocal in what you thought of me for hurting your precious Nick.”
“I didn’t mean it. I was drugged up and not thinking clearly.”
“Bullshit Kirby. There was nothing drugged about the hatred in your eyes when you called me a bastard for putting the hurt on that worthless mother fucker you were married to. You did get rid of that worthless asshole didn’t you?”
She looked away from me and that gave me the answer to my question. “Un-fucking real. He puts you in the hospital for doing with me what he was doing with dozens and you are still with him?”
“I have to stay with him. You messed him up pretty bad. He can’t get around on his own. His leg is in a cast and his knee will never work right again. With a broken wrist and a broken arm he can’t even feed himself.”
“So let one of his sluts take care of him.”
“I can’t Rob. I know you don’t understand it, but I love him.”
“You are right about that Kirby; I don’t understand it, but I can tell you the outcome. Once you have helped get back on his feet he is going to take it out on you for his getting fucked up in the first place. To him it will have been all your fault and as far as he is concerned you are going to have to pay.”
“He isn’t like that Rob.”
“Yes he is Kirby. Any man who would do to a woman what he did to you will do it again. And you will just stand around and wait for him to do it.”
“Please Rob; can’t we just put this behind us? I need you.”
“No thanks Kirby. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”
I got up and left her sitting there in the booth.
Four days into the shoot Vern asked me to meet with Linda at the restaurant. I gave him a look that should have had him shaking in his boots and he said:
“Just Linda Rob. I won’t even be there.”
I checked closely to make sure that Linda was indeed alone before I joined her. “What’s up” I asked as I slid into the booth opposite her.
“You know full well Rob. Kirby needs someone to lean on right now and she wants it to be you.”
“I’m sorry Linda, but it can’t be me.”
“Why not Rob? Why are you being such a hard ass toward her?”
“Her asshole husband is going to fuck her up again as soon as he doesn’t have to pretend being grateful for her help anymore and it will be because of what I did to him. He will see it as all her fault and he will take it out on her. I’m not going to give him even more ammunition to use against her.”
“I don’t understand that.”
“Someone had to tell him about Kirby and me and then he went after her and came after me. If I give Kirby a shoulder to lean on that same someone will tell him that Kirby and I are back to seeing each other and Nick has already shown what he is capable of. If she gets rid of the asshole I’m here for her, but as long as she is with him I’m not even going to talk to her.”
“She doesn’t think he will hurt her again.”
“I’ll bet she never thought he would hurt her in the first place, but he has already proved her wrong on that score. Guys who beat up on woman don’t stop just because the woman says “please don’t, I love you.” Guys who beat on women are low life scum and they don’t change. No thanks Linda, but I will not have anything to do with her as long as she stays with him.”
I didn’t hear from or about Kirby again by the time the location was over and Vern and I loaded up the truck and headed home. I didn’t get to spend much time thinking about the situations with Carol and Kirby on the way home because Vern wanted to talk. He and Linda were talking marriage, but she didn’t want to leave California and Vern, while he liked California, didn’t want to give up his job and move there so it was three days of “What should I do?” He was definitely asking the wrong guy for advice.
Shit!
I couldn’t even figure out what I was going to do with my life. A woman in the west that I was hung up on wanted me as her sex toy, but wouldn’t give up her dirt bag husband and a woman in the east who said she loved me to death but was cheating on me by actually living with her lover when I was gone. Yeah Vern, ask ME for advice.
-----------------------------------
My home coming was not typical. Carol was at home even though she didn’t expect me for another two days. She looked surprised when I walked in the house and saw her sitting on the couch reading a book. She jumped up and ran to me, threw her arms around me and kissed me and then asked why I hadn’t called to let her know I was coming. I don’t know why I chose that moment or what it was that pushed the “time to get it out” button, but I just looked at her and said:
“I didn’t call because I expected that you would still be at apartment 3B at least until tomorrow.”
She stepped back, looked at me and as calmly as you please said, “He’s been out of town for almost a week.” She paused for a second and then said, “What now?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well I do know this much. It is obvious that you have known for a while, but you still let me fuck your brains out so since that is your usual welcome home lets get to it.”
Her matter of fact attitude so floored me that I didn’t even think about how unreal it was as she led me into the bedroom. It was my usual welcome home. Sucked, fucked, sucked and then fucked again. Shower together, she washes my cock, bends over and sucks it hard again and then turns around and leans on the wall while I take her from behind. We got into bed and she snuggled up to me and said:
“Want to talk about it now or wait until the morning?”
“Morning. I’m too tired right now.”
Getting it out into the open must have relieved something inside me because for the first time in a long time I slept like a baby. I woke up to the smell of bacon and when I walked into the kitchen Carol said:
“Coffees hot and breakfast is almost ready.”
She acted like it was just another normal day in the Rob and Carol show. I poured myself a cup and sat down at the table and Carol put a plate down in front of me. Eggs, bacon, fried potatoes and sourdough toast. She fixed herself a plate and sat sown and we ate in silence. She got up once to refill our coffee cups and when we finished eating she picked up the plates and put them in the sink. She turned around, leaned against the counter and said:
“Okay, let’s have it. How long have you known?”
“A couple of years.”
“A couple of years and you’ve done nothing?”
“Why bother?”
I explained my thinking as far as having a live in housekeeper and a steady piece of ass when I was home and I saw her face get a sad look.”
“Why the glum face?”
“I was hoping that you would say that you loved me too much to kick me out.”
“I probably love you as much as you love me.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t become you Robert. You have no idea how much I love you.”
“I think I have a pretty fair idea. Have you seen a doctor lately?”
“A doctor? Why in the hell would I see a doctor and just what do doctors have to do with what we are talking about?”
I got up and went to get my briefcase and then brought it back to the kitchen. I took out the mini-cassette recorder and pulled a cassette tape out of an envelope, put it in the player and hit ‘play.’
“He has a wife who loves him and is crazy about him and he will have a beautiful child that he will have to help raise.”
Carol’s face was pale and she came over and collapsed in the chair. “You know about that?”
“I had myself tested and I’m as potent as hell and you are not pregnant. Have you seen a doctor to get checked out?”
“Oh my God. You know. I can’t believe that you know.”
“You love me enough to have a kid you don’t really want just to have a way to keep me home with you. So I guess I’m not being too sarcastic when I say that I probably love you as much as you love me. What I am having is a hard time trying to reconcile this love you supposedly have for me with your having a permanent full time lover on the side.”
“I know that this is going to sound trite, but he is not a lover. All he is is a bed buddy. My relationship with him is purely sexual. There is no love involved.”
“You are splitting hairs here Carol. Love, like or just sex you are still fucking another man and cheating on me. How can you say you love me and do that?”
“I don’t know Rob. How do you do you justify cheating on me?”
“Me cheating on you?”
“Oh come on Rob; don’t waste time denying it. You have to be getting laid while you are gone. You love sex too much not to be getting it. Deny it if you want to, but I’ll never believe you. Every company Christmas party or company picnic we I go to I hear all about those California bimbos that come after you guys. That’s pretty near all that Sam, Rick, Jerry, Vern, Billy Bob, Charlie and Mel talk about. You are better looking than any of those guys so I know you have to be getting your fair share. Have I bitched? No I haven’t because when you are home you never stray from me. You need sex when you are gone and I need sex when you are gone and as long as we only have each other when you are home it is a win win situation.”
“So you took up with Monroe because you figured that I was planking some California beach bunny?”
“Yep.”
“That makes it even worse then. That changes how I have to look at things.”
“Change the way you look at things? Why?”
“Up until now I thought that we might have something that we could work our way around, but that isn’t the case any more. Now I find out that you have so low an opinion of me and my morals that you can just automatically decide I’m a cheating asshole and then go on your merry way. For your information Carol I never once cheated on you before finding out about you and that asshole you are living with when I’m gone. And even after finding out about you and the asshole I still went almost a year before finding someone that I liked enough to finally say fuck it and enjoy myself since I no longer had a marriage.
“You say that listening to the crew made you think was a cheater? Did you ever stop to consider that every one of the guys you just named is single and free to fuck any woman in California they can get to spread her legs? Not married with vows to keep Carol, but single and free to do what they please. I opened up this dialog thinking that we might be able to work around the cheating, but finding out how low an opinion you have of me makes me want to rethink things.”
I got up and headed for the bedroom.
“Where are you going Rob? We need to talk this out.”
“I have a job to go to Carol and I’m not at all sure now that we have anything to talk about.”
“I’ve already called you in sick. Sit your ass down Rob. This has to be settled one way or the other and it needs to be done now. In the first place I do not have a low opinion of you. I have a very high opinion of you. You are a man Rob; you are all man. Sex, as far as I am concerned anyway, is a physical need just like the need to eat, drink and breathe and no healthy man is going to go with out sexual satisfaction for any length of time and the same thing goes for a healthy woman. It is not natural to want sex and deny yourself for long periods of time. A couple of week’s maybe. Maybe even a month, but three, four and even five months? No way. If you weren’t getting any pussy when I thought you were then you wasted a whole hell of a lot of time. If you weren’t getting laid you should have been.
“You said a minute ago that you finally broke down and went after someone because you didn’t have a marriage any more. You do have a marriage Rob and it is a strong one. I love you and I do my absolute best to show you that I do. You heard it on the tape. I want you here at home with me all the time because I love you and want you where I can touch you all the time. Yes, I cheated, but I did it for the same reason I thought you were doing it. Sex is a physical need and I needed it.”
“Regardless of that tape Carol I’m having some doubts. For one thing the nature of your relationship with Monroe. Occasional sex is one thing, but it looks like you move in with him as soon as I’m out the door and live with him until I get back. To me that is a hell of a lot more than taking care of the occasional bout of horniness.”
She was silent for a second or two and then said, “Guilty as charged. What you need to understand is that I don’t have occasional bouts of horniness; I’m horny all the time. I’ve heard that there is no such thing as nymphomania, but I think there is and I am probably a nymphomaniac or at least the closest thing to it you can be without being there. I want sex all the time. I found out by accident that Jason is my male counterpart. I think the term for him is ‘satyr’. He always wants it and so do I so we are together when you are gone. Every night and twice a night is the norm. The important thing for you to remember is that when you are home you are the center of my universe. Jason does not exist when you are with me.”
“And that is supposed to reassure me? I don’t do every night and twice a night. Granted that I am up for three and sometimes four times a week and occasionally twice a night, but you are telling me that I can’t compete with him or with anyone else for that matter.”
“No Rob, I’m telling you that you don’t have to compete with him. You are all I want. You are all I need. When you are with me I am complete.”
“But as soon as I’m out the door you are spreading for Monroe and I’m not talking a couple of days later either. You are with him before my tail lights pass the city limit sign.”
“Again Rob, guilty as charged.”
“So there has to be more there than just a bed buddy to take care of the hornys.”
She looked down and didn’t say a word.
“Come on Carol. This is not the time to hold back. Where we go from here depends on completely honest full disclosure.”
“Please Rob; you know all that matters.”
“Maybe Carol, but it is obvious that I don’t know everything. I don’t want to know everything that you think matters; I want to know everything period.”
“Please Rob, trust me on this. Anything else I say won’t help, only hurt.”
“All Carol. Every bit of it and right now.”
She sighed and then said, “Please Rob; please don’t take this the wrong way. It isn’t a slam against you, honest to God it isn’t. Jason has a big cock. A really big cock.”
“A lot bigger than mine I take it.”
“It doesn’t matter Rob. I swear to you that it does not matter.”
“Of course it does Carol. Because of his big dick you are on your way to him before my ‘goodbye’ stops ringing in your ears and you live with him until I’m due home and with me knowing that how in the hell can you tell me that it doesn’t matter?”
“Because it doesn’t matter where you and I are concerned.”
“How the fuck do you expect me to believe that?”
“I’m here Rob; I am always here when you come home. If cock size was all that mattered I could have left you for Jason, but I haven’t have I. Do I like Jason’s big cock? Yes I do. I love it and as soon as you are gone I am on my way to Jason’s to get more of it, but I have two choices Rob. Like Jason and love his cock or love you and the ‘love you’ always wins and it will always win. Until last night I had the best of all worlds; Jason’s cock when you were gone and you when you came home. You heard it on your tape Rob. I flat out told Jason he was history when I got you to stay home with me. I made my choice a long time ago Rob and my choice was you. Not Jason’s big cock, but you.”
I just sat there and looked at her and after a bit she asked, “What are you going to do?”
“That isn’t the real question here Carol; the real question is what are you going to do?”
“Me? What am I going to do? Pray to God I don’t lose you.”
“Are you going to feel that way when you find out that your big plan isn’t going to work?”
“What do you mean?”
“Getting pregnant and having a baby won’t make me give up my job. The only things I know are turning wrenches and driving a truck. My job pays me twice what I would make as a mechanic in a dealership so I’m not giving it up. Steve is going to retire in two years and they are already sounding me out about taking his job when he leaves. His job would pay me a little more than I’m making now and there is almost no travel involved so no way am I going to quit now. So the question is, “What are you going to do?”
“What? You expect that I’m going to say to hell with you and go to Jason because you won’t quit your job? I already told you where I stand. Job or no job I’m with you.”
“That’s not what I meant. Now that you know a baby isn’t going to make a difference what are you going to do?”
“If I can I’m going to have your child. You want kids and even though I was always against the idea I love you enough to give you what you want. And I know you still want a family. I remember how long ago it was that I said what is on that tape and you have been waiting that long for it to happen and that tells me two things. It says that you aren’t going to throw me out and that you want me to give you babies. Am I right?”
“I don’t know any more Carol. I’m still pretty bummed about you taking up with that Monroe asshole. I know you are staying with him because of his big cock, but how did you find out about his cock in the first place?”
“I don’t suppose this is s good place to say “just lucky I guess.” The expression on my face gave her the answer to that one. She shrugged and said:
“A bunch of us stopped after work one night to have a few drinks and unwind from a bad day at the office. The place we stopped at had a live bad and so we did some dancing. I was dancing with Jason and I accidently pushed my leg against him and felt his erection. It felt huge. You had been gone over three months and I was horny as hell. So horny that I was seriously contemplating hitting a bar after work some night and finding me a one night stand. Anyway, after a couple of more drinks and a couple of more dances with Jason I blurted out, “Is it real?” and he smiled at me and told me that the only way I would ever know would be to unzip him, reach in and take it out. Three more drinks and two more dances and I told him I wanted to see it. He walked me out to the parking lot and then said:
“If you want to see it you have to be the one to take it out.”
“So I did. I unzipped him, reached into his undershorts and worked it out. I wasn’t a virgin when we married and you knew it. I’d seen maybe a half dozen cocks, but I had never seen one like Jason’s. It was ten inches long and thick and my first thought when I saw it was “I wonder if I can take that thing.” And of course I tried and I did and here we are.”
“And you are so hung up on it that very second that you are not with me you are with him.”
“You are making it sound like I’m a slave to his big cock and that is not the way it is. After the first time with him I realized that I was not going to go without sex any more while you were gone, but I didn’t want to go the bar scene route and end up with God knows what both in the way of men and what they might be carrying with them. I would want a regular boyfriend and not a bunch of boyfriends and I loved what Jason’s big cock did for me and so I picked him to be my steady.
“Only my idea of ‘steady’ was once or twice a week, but Jason’s idea was every night. I did it with him a couple of times a week for three weeks and then all of a sudden he didn’t have time for me. He had found him a girl who was in tune with his every night idea. You came home a week later and for two months everything was fine and then you went off on another two month trip. After three weeks I was so horny that I was seriously thinking of picking up a one night stand. I decided to do it and one day I took a change of clothes to work with me and at quitting time I changed into a short skirt, low cut blouse and heels and when I came out of the ladies room Jason saw me and asked me where I was going looking so hot and sexy. I told him I was going out to look for a playmate and he said:
“Look no farther.”
“He had broken up with the girl he was seeing and so I followed him home and ever since then I’m there all the time to try and keep him from finding another full-time playmate. It is still a risk because he could find someone more permanent when I’m not there while you are home. So far it has only happened once and she only lasted for three weeks.”
“It sounds like that if I were out of the picture totally you would move in with him on a permanent basis.”
“Not a chance. To live with someone permanently you have to love them and I don’t love Jason. I love his cock and what he can do with it, but that is as far as it goes. He doesn’t love me either. All I am to him is a steady piece of ass. We like each other, but there is no love, just sex. So I can’t answer your question. It isn’t up to me. It is up to you. Your wife is a cheating, big cock loving slut who loves you and doesn’t want to be without you. You have to be the one making the decisions here.”
“I’ve already made it. I’m not giving up my job and that means I’m still going to be gone a lot.”
“You need to tell me what is going on here Rob. As I see it you have two choices. You can toss my cheating ass out. You can tell me that what is in the past is in the past but to stay home from now on. What are you going to do?”
“You forgot a third choice. Tell you to make damned sure that you are here when I get home.”
“You are serious?”
“As serious as death. But you need to understand that if you play so will I and that can be dangerous. If I go with choice number three I suppose you will be on your way to Jason’s as soon as I’m gone?”
“If you are serious about it I’ll be on my way before the sound of the door closing behind you fades away.”
“Wrong answer Carol. Somehow, despite all you have said and despite what I heard on the tape I’m having a huge amount of trouble believing it if you can be so quick to get to your lover.”
“Do not doubt me on this Rob, you are my only lover. The only thing important to me is that I don’t lose you. If you tell me that you aren’t kicking me out and the price of keeping you is to sit here and suffer while you are gone I will – underscore the will – sit here and suffer. If you want me to quit my job so that I’m no longer around Jason I’ll pick up the phone and do it right now. Whatever I have to do to keep you I will do. No qualifiers Rob. Whatever I have to do. But no lies either. You give me the freedom to see Jason and I will see Jason. You tell me that a boyfriend is okay as long as it isn’t Jason then Jason is history. I can not be clear enough on this Rob; the only important thing to me is that I do not lose you. I’m astounded that you have known as long as you have and that we are still together. That gives me hope. What you have said to me so far gives me hope, but with everything that has been said and brought out into the open it is clear to me that we need to get it all out right now. We need to move away from today with both of us absolutely clear on things.”
She looked at me in silence for several long moments and then said, “You said that if I played you would and a minute ago you said that if you played it could be dangerous. What did you mean by that?”
“I meant what I said when I told you that I had never been unfaithful until I found out that you were. Once I decided that you didn’t love me any more and that our marriage was over I started looking and I met a lady that I thought was kind of special. I was seeing her on almost every trip I took to California.”
“You used the past tense. Does that mean you don’t see her any more?”
“That isn’t the point. For all practical purposes you lost me to her. That is what I meant when I said it could be dangerous. I got more than sexually involved with her, I also got emotionally involved and that is the problem that I am sitting here facing. I’ve listened to the tape and half of me is saying “She loves me” but thee other half is thinking about my emotional involvement with Kirby and believing that you can’t possibly be practically living with Monroe full time as soon as I’m out the door and not be emotionally involved. It is not the sexual involvement with Monroe that bothers me; it is the emotional aspect.
“You need to understand this clearly Carol. I loved you without reservation right up until I found out about you and Monroe. I wrote you and our marriage off at that point. You were history. The only reason I did nothing was because I figured it would be cheaper than a divorce to keep you to take care of the house when I was gone and a convenient piece of ass when I was home. All you were to me at that time was a cheating piece of trash. I hooked up with Kirby and if things had been different I would have taken the divorce route and Kirby and I would be together right now. The point being that even though I loved you I wrote you off believing that you didn’t love me any more. I mean how could you if you were living with another man.
“The way I got emotionally involved with Kirby shows me just how dangerous it can be. You can deny it until you are blue in the face, but in my mind you can not have the live in relationship that you have with Monroe and not be emotionally involved. I was flirting with the idea of going with what I said was the third choice, but your statement about just how quick you would be to be on your way to Monroe killed that idea. It screams at me that there is emotional involvement even if you won’t admit it. My choice is going to be what you called the second of the two choices that you thought I had. I will let bygones be bygones and I will keep my cock in my pants when I am on the road and you will keep your panties on and pulled up tight until I get home. If you can live with that we can go forward from here.”
“Should I quit my job?”
“Why would you do that?”
“To put distance between Jason and me.”
“I’m not going to worry about that. Just you remember that I knew about what you were doing with Jason long before I got that tape. If you backslide I will know it and I am not into giving second chances. You have already used your “get out of jail free” card. Are we clear on that?”
“Absolutely clear. Can we go back up to bed now and celebrate my not getting tossed out on my ass?”
“Lead the way sweetie.”
The next two months went by and then I was off to Palm Springs again.
-----------------------------
She twirled the rose between her fingers as she looked across that table at me.
“I’ve missed you.”
“That comes as a surprise to me given some of the things you said to me when I saw you in the hospital.”
“I explained that to you the last time we talked. You didn’t allow for the fact that I was hurting and heavily medicated. I wasn’t thinking all that clearly.”
“Connie tells me that you have gotten rid of Nick.”
She looked down at the table and said, “Kind of.”
“Kind of? What do you mean by “kind of?”
“Please try and understand Rob. I love Nick. I always have and I probably always will.”
“That doesn’t tell me how you “kind of” got rid of him.”
“You were right about him Rob. He did just what you said he would do. He had me wait on him hand and foot until he was back on his feet and then he beat the hell out of me for being the cause of all that happened to him. I love him, but I’m not stupid and I called 911 and when the cops and paramedics showed up they took me to the hospital and Nick to jail. I pressed charges and based on what he did to me that time and the time before he got eleven months in county. I visit him every Sunday and I told him I would wait for him as long as he understood that if he ever lifted a finger against me again I’d put him right back in jail. He really doesn’t like it there so when he promised that it would never happen again I believed him. So yes, I kind of got rid of him for about seven more months. After that we will see.”
“Seven months huh? You told him you would wait, but did you tell him you would stay true?”
“No, but I had planned on doing it until I got my roses. You do have a room here right?”
“Yes I do.”
“Would you like some company for as long as you are here?”
“Oh yeah, I most definitely would.”
I got up and told her I needed to go to the bathroom and I went out and told the desk clerk to bill the call to my room and then I picked up the house phone and made a call.
“Hello?”
“Hello sweetie.”
“Hi baby. Why are you calling so late? Checking up on me?”
“How would I do that? You could have someone between your legs right now and I have no way of knowing.”
“I promised baby.”
“I know you did and that’s why I’m calling. Why don’t you give Jason a call.”
“Oh my. Talk about the unexpected. I take it that it means that my baby is going to be bad tonight?”
“Yes it does.”
“You can’t have been out there for more than six hours and for you to connect that quick it has to be someone you know. Is it the one you told me about? What was her name – Kirby?”
“That’s the one.”
“Do I have to worry?”
“No more than I had to about Jason.”
“Ouch! I guess I deserved that. Does it have to be Jason?”
“Why do you ask that?”
“The next door neighbor’s son is home for the summer. I hired him to cut the grass while you are gone. He looks at me like he wants to eat me up.”
“Jimmy? He’s only seventeen.”
“Eighteen last week.”
“Why the sudden interest in the young stuff?”
“He can’t be very experienced so I should be able to teach him how I want it done.”
“I’m stunned. I thought for sure as soon as I told you to call Jason you would drop the phone and I’d hear the front door open and then close.”
“Jason does have that marvelous cock and I do love the way he uses it, but he can be a little rough sometimes. I need gentle right now and not rough and I believe I can teach Jimmy how to be gentle but effective.”
“You don’t care for rough huh?”
“I like it from time to time. Shit! That’s a lie. I love it when Jason takes me hard.”
“Then why Jimmy instead of Jason?”
“Well sweetie, it is this way. As an about to be new mommy I don’t want to subject your baby to rough.”
“Rob?”
“Hello?”
“Rob? Are you still there Rob? Talk to me baby.”