The things you do in your youth have a way of coming back to haunt you.  Sometimes that can be a good thing, but sometime it can fuck you up big time.

Remember when you were a teenager and desperate to get rid of your hated virginity?  Remember what lengths you went to to try and get your cherry popped?  Well, that was me times ten.  I couldn’t even get a date, let alone get laid.  It didn’t help that I was overweight and had pimples all over my face and that I was inordinately shy.  And naïve, can’t forget to mention naïve.   I was so eager to please and be accepted that I was taken advantage of all the time.  The one thing I had going for me was that I had a driver’s license and a car.  The car had been a bittersweet gift from my brother.  When I was thirteen he was drafted and sent to Viet Nam and he never came back.  The day I got my learner’s permit my dad called me into his den and handed me a set of keys.

“Danny said that if something happened to him you were to get his car.”

It took me a while before I could drive it without getting all weepy eyed, but then something happened that, I’m ashamed to admit, made me forget all about Danny.  I became popular.  I was suddenly everybody’s good friend.  It was the car of course, but that’s where the naïve part came in.  I thought that everyone had suddenly discovered what a great guy I was – that suddenly they had seen the ‘inner me’, the ‘real’ me.  Suddenly it was, “Hey Dave, let’s go to the lake this weekend,” or “Dave, what do you say we catch a movie at the drive-in.”  I would always say yes and a bunch of kids would pile into the car and we would take off, but when we got where we were going I was still the odd man out.  They weren’t all one way about it; they did pay for the gas and I never had to pay my way in at the drive-in movie, but as far as getting anywhere with the opposite sex I was still batting zero.  Even the times that the guys “brought along a girl for me” she always ended up with some one else.  Eventually I tumbled to the fact that I was being used, but hey, any popularity was better than none. 

I don’t even remember how many times I drove to the drive-in and watched in the rear view as a couple made out, or watched out of the corner of my eye as a couple necked on the front seat next to me.  More than once a couple actually fucked on my back seat and on those nights I would go home with a severe case of blue balls and beat my meat until it hurt.

 Then came the night that changed my life. 

It was a Friday night and a couple of guys asked me to take them to the drive-in.  Billy Moore was in the back with Mary Koslowski and Nancy Holbrook.  The front seat had Bobby Neubert and Sally Mason sitting next to me.  Ten minutes into the movie I heard a low moan from the back and I looked in the mirror and saw Billy finger fucking Mary. Mary had Billy’s cock in her hand and was stroking it and Nancy was watching it all with disgust all over her face.  Then Nancy said, “You guys are no better than animals” and she opened the door and got out of the car.  I got out to follow her.  I figured that I’d catch up with her, tell her how disgusting I thought Mary and Billy’s behavior was and maybe get in her good graces.  I caught up with her and she turned to face me, “All of you boys are nothing but goddamned pigs.  Just get away from me” and she turned and ran away. 

When I got back to the car Billy was between Mary’s legs and she was screaming, “Yes, yes, fuck me, fuck me.”  Sally was leaning over the seat watching while Bobby was fucking her from behind.  When I got in the car the dome light came on and Billy hollered out, “Turn off the fucking light damn it!”  I was just a little pissed at Nancy for calling me a pig when I hadn’t ever anything to her and when Billy hollered it pissed me off even more and I did something that none of them had ever seen before – I got mad!

 “Fuck you!  It’s my car and my light and if I want to turn it on I will and if you don’t like it get your ass outside and do your fucking on the ground.”

 I saw Bobby smile and I heard Sally giggle and Mary said, “Just shut the fuck up Billy and fuck me.”

The two couples managed to get their rocks off and then they settled in to watch the movie.  Within ten minutes they were necking again and within twenty they were fucking again.  Sally and Bobby finished and were sitting there smooching when the movie ended and the lights came on.  Mary and Billy were still going at it when all of a sudden I heard Mary cry out, “No god damn it, no.  I’m almost there.  Finish me Billy, finish me,” but Billy had shot his wad and he climbed off of her while she called him every dirty name she could think off.  By that time the lot was almost empty and the help were starting to come out of the building and chase cars away so I started up and drove off.  We dropped Sally off first and then Billy told me to drop him next.

 “I ain’t got to take her home and listen to her whine all the way,” he said of Mary.

  I dropped him off and we had no sooner pulled away from the front of his house than Bobby climbed over the seat and got in back with Mary.  One block later he was fucking her and she was crying, “Get me off baby, get me off, make me cum.”  By the time I got to Bobby’s place he had done the job and was sitting there with a smile on his face while Mary stayed on her back with a contented look on her face.

She was still lying on the back seat when we pulled away from Bobby’s.  When I stopped for the stop sign on the corner Mary sat up and asked, “Davy, are you still a virgin?”  I hemmed and hawed and she said, “You can tell me Davy.  It isn’t a crime and all of us were at one time.”  I admitted that I still had my cherry and she said, “Would you like to fuck me Davy?”  I didn’t answer her – I was too tongue-tied – I was caught flat-footed by her question.  “Of course you would.  If you will do something for me Davy I’ll let you fuck me.  You can even fuck me twice because I know the first one will be pretty quick.  Would you like to do that Davy?  Would you like to fuck me tonight?”

 I croaked out a yes and she told me where to drive and park.  “All you have to do to fuck me Davy, is eat my pussy.”

 “I can’t do that.”

 “Why not?”

“Because Bobby and Billy have been there.”

“Trust me Davy, it won’t kill you and you might even like it.”

“Oh man, that’s gross.”

“Oh come on Davy, it’s your best chance to get rid of your virginity.  Tell you what; you do it and I’ll let you fuck me as many times as you can get it up.  Come on baby, do Mary this favor.  If you do a really nice job of it maybe we can go out on a couple of dates.  Wouldn’t you like that Davy?  Wouldn’t you like to date me and maybe fuck me?”

Well, I was desperate to get laid and so I let Mary talk me into climbing into the back seat with her.  She instructed me in how she wanted it done and I was surprised when I did it and it didn’t make me want to leap out of the car and heave in the bushes.  I didn’t really care for the taste, but what I did like was the way that Mary responded.  She grabbed my head and pulled my face into her pussy and she went wild.  She bucked, she pushed her muff up at me and she screamed – actually screamed – “Oh God yes Davy, don’t stop, please God don’t stop.  Eat me you beautiful cunt licker, oh sweet Jesus you are good.”  She shook, she moaned, she made sharp little cries and her body seemed to spasm.  I found out later that I had eaten her to an orgasm.  When she was done she looked up at me with a look of wonder on her face and said, “It was really your first time?  You really never ate pussy before?”

I told her no, that I was a virgin in all areas.

“You have a God given talent baby.  No one has ever made me cum just by eating my pussy, no one!  Oh baby, am I going to rock your world tonight.”

My first time was embarrassingly quick, but my fist blowjob brought me back up in a hurry.  My second time was a little better and my first sixty-nine got me my first taste of myself and another hard on.  I fucked Mary three more times that night before she couldn’t bring me to life again and she asked me to eat her after each time.  When I dropped her at her house at oh dark thirty she spent five minutes kissing me good night and as she got out of the car she said, “You’re mine from now on Davy.  See you tonight after school.”

I did see Mary after school the next day and so began one of the weirdest relationships I’ve ever seen.  Mary and I became a somewhat steady couple.  I say “somewhat” because Mary never gave up the other guys she was seeing.  Mary was a slut.  She had shown me that the night she took on both Billy and Bobby and Mary loved cock.  Mary also loved the wicked feeling she got when she had me eat her pussy after another guy had fucked her.  Maybe three nights a week she would go out with another guy and fuck him to death and when he dropped her off at home she would walk around to the ally behind her house where I would be waiting for her.  She would squeal in delight as I cleaned her pussy out with my mouth and then she would fuck my eyes out until I couldn’t get it up anymore.  On the nights that she wasn’t out with other guys she was with me

Everyone wondered why one of the most popular girls in the school spent so much time with me.  Several of her girl friends even asked her what she saw, “In that dork.”  Mary never did give any of her friends the answer to that question and once I asked her why.  “If I told them about your special talent baby I’d have to fight them all to keep them away from you.” 

“Is that all I am to you – a mouth?”

“Why baby, isn’t it enough?  Isn’t what you have now 500% more than you had before I discovered what you can do?”

“Yeah but…”

“No buts baby.  Face it, you aren’t a real prize.  You’re a nice enough guy, but you are not all that attractive.  Time will get rid of the pimples, but until you do something about your weight you won’t be a catch for anyone, at least not anyone who doesn’t know about your special talent.  I’m seeing to it that you are one of the best fucked guys in school.  Take what you have Davy and be happy for it.”

She was right and I knew it, but it still hurt that she was so damned honest about it.

And then it was over.  Mary received a scholarship to UCLA, but before she left for California she wanted one last night with me.  Her parents were gone for the weekend and she asked me to stop by her house at eight.  I got there to find Mary in the middle of a gangbang.  She had seven guys there and as I watched they all took turns on her for three hours and that doesn’t count what happened before I got there.  About half an hour after I got there one of the guys said, “Come on Davy, it’s your turn.”

 Mary said, “No, Davy gets his turn later.  He is going to spend the night with me and I want him fresh.” 

That set up a chorus of “What’s so special about him” and things were said like, “It sure aint his cock.  I’ve seen him in the locker room and he’s nothing special.”  There were a lot more comments along those lines and then Mary said, “He is so special.  He can make me scream and none of you guys have ever done that.” 

That got the guys going even more and I was starting to feel real uncomfortable and I was getting ready to split.  Mary saw and knew what I was going to do.

 “Davy, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but please baby, one more time for me, please?”

 I really didn’t want to because I knew those guys and I knew what would happen, but the plea in Mary’s voice made me say yes.  I stripped and did what Mary loved more than anything else and she screamed and screamed her way through two orgasms and then she said, “Okay Davy baby, fuck me, fuck me hard and show them how it’s done.” 

Either Mary was one great actress or their was something special about what was happening that night because she screamed and hollered as I fucked her and she bucked and bounced in a way that she hadn’t for any of the others.  When I was done she pushed me into a sixty-nine until I was hard and then she pulled me on top of her and we did it all over again.  When I came the second time she said, “Let the others back in lover.  I’ve got all night to take care of you.” 

The gangbang lasted until one in the morning and then Mary and I were alone.  We fucked until I could not get it up anymore and Mary and I fell asleep in each other’s arms.  She left the following Monday and I never saw her again.

What I had known would happen happened.  The guys who were at the gangbang spread the word about what I have done and pretty soon everyone was casting glances at me.  The fallout was mixed, some good, some bad, some very good and some very, very bad.  The worse was when some guys called me a closet queen, that I sucked cum out of a pussy because I was too scared to suck a cock.  Other guys said that I was “one sick puppy” to have done what I did.  The other side of the coin was the attention I got from the girls.  I got more ‘come ons’ than I could believe, but I had a problem.  Remember when I said I was inordinately shy?  I got the come ones but I lacked the guts to make a move.  After about a month one of the girls figured it out on her own and one day she came up to me and said, “Is what I’ve heard about you and Mary Koslowski true?”  I nodded a yes.  “I’m free tonight, are you?”  From then on I had a steady stream of girl friends until I moved to Georgia to take a job.

Time did chase the pimples away and I finally did work up enough will power to lick my weight problem.  I met and fell in love with Angie and we were married.  We had three kids and lived your typical suburban life and things were perfect until Angie went to her class reunion.  We couldn’t get a baby sitter and so I had to stay home and watch the kids.  Angie flew out on a Thursday and flew back home Sunday evening and when the kids and I picked her up at the airport I sensed something different about her.  Nothing obvious, but something.  That night she was eager to get to bed after we put the kids to bed and she was an absolute tiger.  Our sex life has always been good, but that night it was great.  Angie kept after me until I just could not answer the call again.  As I lay next to her panting for breath I asked, “What got into you tonight?  Did one of your old boyfriends get you all hot and horny at the reunion?”

“Something like that.”

“I don’t suppose you would care to expound on that?”

“Well, I did have a few cocks poked into my leg on the dance floor and I did get a few pretty heavy hits from some of my old beaus.  I won’t lie to you lover; I did get pretty close to giving it up to my old steady boyfriend – he’s the one who got my cherry – but at the very last second I backed away.  You might have never known, but then again you might have found out and I wasn’t going to take a chance on losing you over a fling with an old boyfriend.”

“That’s it?  You’re horny because you almost got laid?”

“No sweetie, that isn’t it.  Does the name Mary Brenner ring a bell?”

“No, I can’t say that it does.”

How about her maiden name, Mary Koslowski?”

“Oh yes, I knew a Mary Koslowski.”

“Pretty well from what I gathered.”

“We going to dance around this or are you going to tell me what this is all about?”

“Did I ever mention Jerry Brenner?”

“Not that I recall.”

“Jerry and I grew up next door to each other and we were in the same grade from second grade all the way through high school.  When I got to the reunion I saw Jerry and there were empty seats at his table so I joined him.  He introduced me to his wife Mary and when she heard my last name she said she used to date a Mitchell when she lived in Kansas City.  I told her that you were from Kansas and she asked if your name was Davy by any chance.  When I said that it was she laughed and commented on what a small world that it was. For the rest of the evening I got the feeling that she was watching me – appraising me in some way.  It was after Todd, my old boyfriend, and I had returned from the dance floor after some hot and heavy petting that she said, “Do you do that often?”

“What?”

“Have other men and then take Davy home some desert?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Oh well, maybe Davy has changed.  It’s nothing.  Forget I even brought it up.”

“Well you know me sweetie, wave something like that in front of me and I’m after it like a dog after a bone.  I waited until she went to the bathroom and I followed her. We were alone and so I kept pushing at her until she told me about what the two of you used to do.  She saw the way I was acting with Todd and she just knew I was going to fuck him and she had wondered if I did it often and then took the cream pie home to you.  Did you really eat her pussy after other guys had used her?”

“I’m afraid so” I said and then I told Angie the story of how it got started.

“She said you could actually make her scream.”

“Yeah, well, Mary was different.  Her greatest turn on was for me to eat her after she’d been out playing with someone else.  I’m not so sure that it was anything that I did that made her scream as much as it was the idea of what I was doing.”

“Did you really do it after a gangbang?”

“Yeah.  It was the last time, just before she left for UCLA.”

“How come I never knew that about you?”

“Because you are not a slut my love, and also for the same reason I didn’t know that it was a Todd that took your cherry.  You and I have never talked about what we did before we got married.  I wonder if marriage has changed Mary any.”

“In what way?”

“She was a slut honey.  Anyone, anytime, any place and she wasn’t all that particular when it came to how many guys were there.  I wonder if she has changed and if not, what kind of relationship she might have with this Jerry.”

“Why?”

“No reason, just curious.  But that aside, what was it about Mary and your talk with her that made you such a sexual dynamo tonight?”

“You won’t laugh or get pissed at me?”

“No, of course not.”

“The picture of you at a gangbang eating her pussy after all those guys had her just lit me off.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Oh but I am sweetie.  Just the thought of you eating her pussy after someone else fucked her drove me wild.”

“Why?  I eat your pussy after we have made love and that’s the same thing.”

“No it isn’t sweetie, not by a long shot.  That’s just you in there, not seven other guys and that’s the thought that turned me on.”

Things changed after that, at least as far as our sex life was concerned.  We went from two or three nights a week to five or six and where I only used to eat Angie’s pussy after we made love occasionally now she wanted me to do it all the time.  Hey, I like my sex as much as the next guy so I was going to complain?  Not hardly, but I’m not stupid; I knew what was going on.  Angie was imagining Mary and me and it was turning her on.  I suppose I should have given more thought to it than I did, but I didn’t.  I thought she would get over it in time, but after three months Angie was still going strong.

And then suddenly, virtually over night, Angie turned moody on me.  Tuesday night she fucked me like a woman possessed, but on Wednesday she pushed me away.  Thursday we made love, but it wasn’t the frenzied coupling of the previous three months.  We went back to having sex twice a week, but only once a night instead of the three or four we had been doing and she wouldn’t let me eat her pussy anymore.  She became quiet around me and once in a while I would catch her looking at me and as soon as our eyes would meet she would avert her gaze.  This went on for a couple of weeks and I don’t know how much longer it might have gone on had I not come home from work an hour early one day to find her lying on our bed and crying. I sat down on the bed next to her and asked her what was wrong as I reached out and touched her face.  She gave a loud sob and turned away from me.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You have to Angie.  Something has been bothering you for weeks now and it is affecting our relationship and I want to know what it is.  We can’t fix it if I don’t know what is wrong.”

“It can’t be fixed.  It is too late for that.”

“Nonsense baby, anything can be fixed.”

“Not now.  Not now Davy.  We can talk later when I’m not so weepy.”

“Okay Angie, but I’m going to hold you to it.  I’ll expect you to talk to me before we go to bed tonight.”

 I went downstairs and started dinner.  Angie didn’t come down so I fixed her a plate and put it in the microwave and then I did the dinner dishes.  I helped the kids with their homework, watched some TV with them and then put them to bed.  I sat down on the couch and started watching CNN and I was watching some twit babble about the prospects for peace in the middle east when Angie came into the room.  She sat down in the easy chair across from the couch which in itself was not a good sign since she had always preferred to sit next to me because she liked to touch and be touched while we read, watched TV or talked.  I picked up the remote and shut off the TV and waited.

She was red-eyed from crying and she kept glancing nervously around the room – anything to keep from having to meet my eyes.  Finally I broke the silence, “Whatever it is Angie, it can’t be so bad that we can’t do something about it.  Just spit it out and get it over with.” 

She looked down at the floor, took a deep breath and then still looking away from me she said, “It can’t be fixed Davy.  I’ve been stupid, totally stupid and I’ve ruined my life and maybe yours.  I’ve trashed our marriage.  I’ve taken everything good that we had and I’ve shit all over it because of a dumb, crazy obsession.”

“Oh come on Angie, it can’t be that bad.”

“Oh yes it can Davy.  I’ve lied to you, I’ve deceived you and I’ve cheated on you, and all because of a stupid, stupid fantasy.”

I sat there, totally stunned by what Angie had just said.  Angie had cheated on me?  That was inconceivably, just totally inconceivable.  I started to say something, but Angie cut me off. 

“Just let me get it out Davy, then you can call me a whore and throw me out, but let me get this over with first.”

It had started with her class reunion and her talk with Mary Brenner.  She had come home with the image of me sucking the cum of other men out of Mary and that image was a super turn on for her.  The more she thought about it the hotter she got and the more she wanted sex.  Gradually the image changed from Mary and me to Angie and me.  Angie began to fantasize about me eating her pussy after some other man had fucked her.  Over the next month or so the fantasy grew from me eating one man out of her to my eating two.  Then it was three, four and finally the seven men from a gangbang.  The fantasy was so strong and powerful that Angie was fucking herself with a dildo while she waited for me to get home. 

On Tuesday nights Angie plays bridge with several of her girlfriends and one night one of the girls asked Angie to give her a ride to the bar where she was supposed to meet her boyfriend.  Angie went inside to have a drink with Becky and she was introduced to Becky’s boyfriend Harry.  Harry had a friend with him and Angie’s one drink turned into several and when Harry’s friend asked her to dance she had gotten up and moved out onto the dance floor with him.  She wasn’t surprised when she felt his erection poke into her leg, but she had been surprised at the thought that had entered her mind.  She could fuck him and then come home to me and actually see what it would be like to have me suck another man’s cum out of her.  As fast as the idea had entered her mind she had chased it away.  But a couple of more drinks and a couple of more dances and the thought was back.

She had excused herself to go to the bathroom and Becky got up to go with her.

“He thinks you’re hot” Becky said.

“What?”

“Jim.  He thinks you’re hot.  He’d fuck you if you gave him a chance.”

“You can’t be serious.”

Oh yes I am.  Your back seat, his back seat, a motel room – he would do you in a heartbeat.”

“Honestly Becky, I’m a happily married woman and I don’t run around on Dave.  Besides, Jim is just a baby.  He’s what, twenty-five or so?  I’m a thirty-eight year old woman.”

“You are a hot looking woman sweetie and age has nothing to do with it.  He’s yours if you want him.”

Two more drinks, another dance and Angie was in Jim’s car on the back seat with her legs kicking in the air as Jim pounded his cock into her. 

“As soon as it was over guilt took charge and all the way home I cursed myself for being a stupid fool, but the closer I got to home the more I thought that I had another man’s cum in me and I would soon be home and you and I would go to bed and make love and then you would eat me.  I got all tingly when I thought that and by the time I was in the house I was so hot that I would have fucked a parking lot full of Jims.  I climbed into bed with you and the sex was so intense and satisfying that I didn’t think of anything else.  Then, after we had both climaxed, I started to panic.  What if you could tell when you tasted me?  I was going to get up and run for the bathroom, but you were too quick for me and as soon as your tongue touched me the panic fled and I had another orgasm.  At that point I didn’t care if you would know or not, all I wanted was for you to eat my pussy and suck Jim’s leavings out of me.  I had three orgasms while you lapped up his sperm, each more intense that the last.  I didn’t start to feel guilty again until after you fell asleep and then I lay awake all night with my thoughts alternating between guilt and the pleasure that I had just enjoyed.  I spent the rest of the week swearing that I would never, ever do anything that stupid again.”

The next Tuesday I again drove Becky over to the bar.  Jim was there with Harry and that night we didn’t waste any time on drinks or dancing.  Ten minutes after I got there I was on my back on his back seat and he sent me home to you with four loads of his juice in my pussy.  You fucked me and then ate me and I came so many times that night that I fell asleep totally exhausted.  I woke up in the morning ashamed of myself and feeling intense guilt over what I was having you do and I promised myself that it would never happen again, but the next Tuesday I was at the bar and in Jim’s car again.  He fucked me three times and then got up to go back into the bar and use the bathroom.  I was lying there on the back seat with my eyes closed finger fucking myself and dreaming about the way I was going to feel when I got home to you when Jim came back and slid his cock in only it wasn’t Jim.  Harry and Becky had had a fight and Becky had caught a cab home.  Harry was already in me and pounding away so there wasn’t much I could do about it.  Half way through his fucking me I thought about your first time with Mary and how you had eaten her after the two boys had fucked her and I stared to get hot thinking about how I was going to be able to experience the same thing.  Between Jim and Harry I had seven loads of cum in me when I came home that night and I was going crazy between thinking how intense the sex was going to be and how I couldn’t possibly get what I had done past you.  I panicked when you commented on how wet I was and I was surprised as hell when you accepted my explanation that I was so wet because I had been hot for you all day.  My orgasms that night were so strong that I almost passed out.  The next morning I was so guilt ridden that I couldn’t hold food down and I wretched all day and swore to God that I would put an end to what I was doing.

“But as the days went by and I thought about how it felt to have so many mind-blowing orgasms my resolve slipped and the following Tuesday I skipped bridge and met Jim and Harry at a motel and the two of them fucked me for five hours.  The sex with you that night was everything that I had hoped for, but I was still so keyed up that I had to use my dildo on myself after you fell asleep.  The next day the guilt was back in spades and everything I ate for the next three days I tossed up.  I wasn’t able to eat, I couldn’t sleep, I was an absolute mess, but by Friday I was looking forward to Tuesday.  Tuesday I skipped bridge again and met Jim and Harry at the motel only that time they had a friend with them and then the Tuesday after that it was two friends and then it was four and then five. 

“I can’t explain it Davy, I honestly can’t explain what came over me.  It had nothing to do with my love for you; you are still my whole world.  It was all me.  I couldn’t have cared less about those dickheads that were fucking me.  They were all of them just a means to an end.  All I thought about was what you did with Mary and how I wanted to experience the same things.  I don’t know, maybe I thought that she had a part of you and that I needed to take back from her and the only way to do it was outdo her.  Three weeks ago I got to the motel and found nine men waiting for me.  I took one look and then I turned and ran.  Since then I have stayed home and tried to be a good wife to you, but I’m dying inside.  Sure, I’ve lived my fantasy, but at the cost of my self respect.  I’ve blown my wedding vows all to hell and the worst of it is that I used you.  I let you suck the cum of strangers out of me with no thought other than my own sexual gratification.  Don’t misunderstand me here Dave, when I was in bed with you I was making love to you, not fucking, it is just that…shit!  I don’t know what it was.  It was part fantasy and part wanting to have as much of you as Mary had.  What I ended up being was what you called her – a slut!  I’m a fucking whore Dave and it is killing me to know that I did it to myself and that I’ve ruined my life.  I hope I haven’t ruined yours Dave.  I know you’ll hate me now, but believe me Dave, you can’t possibly hate me more than I hate myself.”

She started crying again and she got up and ran back up to the bedroom.

I wish I could say that I ran up the stairs after her, took her in my arms and told her that I still loved her, and that everything would be all right. but I can’t.  I couldn’t bring myself to even touch her after that and after a month of drifting farther and farther apart I packed up and moved out.  I’ve seen a lawyer and the divorce is in the works.  When I pick the kids up on the weekends Angie stays out of sight.  The kids don’t understand what’s going on and they are too young for me to tell them and even if I could, how could I make them understand when I don’t understand it myself.