Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Author: Invid Fan Title: Captain Horatio Horn and the Slutty Space Pirates Summary: What happens when an author is getting burned out doing an epic Sci Fi saga? He writes a sex parody. Uses the characters and setting of The Waifs. Keywords: MF, MFF, cons, SF, humor **** Captain Horatio Horn and the Slutty Space Pirates By Invid Fan Â(C)2012 Author's Note: The following is a self parody of my 24 chapter SF story 'The Waifs', which doesn't have enough sex to get posted to this site but can be found at my SOL page (link at the end of the story). Teens, sick of a solar system wide civil war, steal a ship and head off to find a better life. In this story, a Captain who bumped into them earlier has a second encounter... **** Losing two ships in as many weeks never looks good in your official reports. Captain Horatio Horn, top of the class at the academy, fastest to get command of his own ship, and general military badass, sat sweating alone in the escape pod. Two meters tall, short black hair, and a ripped body the envy of any soldier which filled his sharp dress uniform to perfection, Horn looked back on the events of the previous day. This time at least he had managed to get all of his men off the ship before the new engines exploded, staying behind himself to give one final heroic effort to save the ship. He almost did it, too, single handedly replacing both the core and the clutch before the destroyer blew up. Horn barely managed to make it to the one remaining escape pod with all the top secret files. Naturally, having spent none of the past six hours on the bridge he had no idea where the hell he was now floating. The four meter square cube he was in had maybe a day's worth of air left when there was a sudden banging outside the hatch. Horn stood, hand on his sidearm, ready. He would defend the secret plans with him to the death, or preferably to the death of others. The hatch slid open... and framed in the doorway was a familiar figure. It was Lessa. She looked at him with serious, smoldering eyes. The tall warrior teen, a few centimeters shorter than his two meters, wore a blue leather bikini top that cupped her firm mounds nicely. Two gun belts crisscrossed her trim waist, framing tight blue leather shorts that molded to her body like a second skin. Her limbs were muscular yet graceful, and her long brown braid reached the small of her back. She was floating in the zero gravity of the shuttle, not crossing into the artificial gravity of the pod. "You again," she said, huskily. Horn nodded, feeling blood flow into his cock causing it to rise up in salute to the dangerous beauty before him. He stood calmly, regarding her with questioning, confident eyes. Lessa looked him up and down, licking her lips. "So, you need... assistance?" "From you? Always." He thought he saw a slight blush on that stern face, and she floated back a bit and motioned him to enter the shuttle. The hatch slid shut behind him, and looking around Horn noticed that she was alone. Before, there had been another teen with her. "Just you?" he asked, regarding her. Lessa scoffed. "We got rid of all the... -~boys', after seeing you for the first time. Once we saw a MAN..." and Lessa floated up to him, "nothing else would satisfy." Lessa reached out and gently but firmly took the pistol out of Horn's hand. "No guns allowed, Captain." Casting it aside to float towards the back of the cabin, she then ran a hand down his chest to his groin, feeling the long, thick, hard weapon there. "And this," she added, beginning to slide down his body, "will have to be disarmed before we get to the ship." Captain Horn grabbed onto two hand holds on the ceiling as Lessa unfastened the fly on his dress uniform pants and pulled out the thick nine inch cock. (Male body parts were still measured in the archaic units of their barbarian past. Female breasts used a new unit of measurement called a "hand full" or hf) Floating before him, she looked up again with those smoldering eyes and slowly licked the head. Horn groaned, closing his eyes, and felt her slowly lick over and around the smooth dome of his cock. He bent his legs back and his feet found handles on the wall he could wedge them into to hold himself still. Lessa's hands pulled his large balls out of his pants as well, hefting their weight as her mouth continued to tease his cock. Suddenly, she took all of him in her mouth. He let out a cry, as her nose found itself in his pubic hair and he throbbed in her throat. Pulling back she began sucking loudly, and Horn felt himself thrusting into her mouth. He was not going to last long... Lessa felt him start to swell, and she pulled back so only the large head was held captive. She bit lightly, and with a yell he exploded. Thick, white Captain's cum shot into her eager mouth, and Lessa drank it all. She moaned around his cock, and Horn could smell her sex. Taking one final lick into the slit in his cock to get that last taste of goodness, Lessa released his member and floated up. She was licking her lips. Horn let go of his hand and foot holds and looked back at her, drained but still manly and in control. "I'm going to have to search you for weapons often," She said, with the smile of a predator. They felt the shuttle shudder just then, and heard the banging of metal. Gravity slowly kicked in, setting them on their feet. "We're here. Welcome back to The Liberty." **** His weapon of mass orgasm put back away, Captain Horn followed Lessa out the shuttle hatch an into the large shuttle bay. It was less crowded than last time, and he noticed that indeed there seemed to be no males. In addition, the lovely teen ladies were much more underdressed than was the case on his previous visit. Flesh of various colors was in abundance, and one mechanic was even working fully nude. Her body was covered with grease and grime, and Horn felt a stirring in his just drained groin just looking at her. With a cough, Lessa brought his attention to the girl in front of him. It was Mel again, the apparent head of security, at least when he was here. Like Lessa she was fit and trim, if a little darker in skin tone. She was dressed in a uniform half shirt over her small breasts and matching tan shorts. Her bald head shined, and her green eyes regarded him as if he was a bowl of ice-cream, to be slowly licked, tasted, and savored. Bowing his head to her in greeting, Mel then led the Captain out of the shuttle bay and into the heart of the ship. His eyes were focused on the sway of her hips, and on how the shorts left her ass smooth and well defined. After too short a walk, she showed him into his cabin. "I hope these accommodations are better than your last ones," she said, slowly walking over to the bed and laying a hand on it. "We think you deserve only the best." "And is that bed the best?" Horn asked, raising an eyebrow. Mel looked over her shoulder at him, and unbuttoned her top and let it fall to the floor. Her shorts followed, and he found himself admiring her nude form from behind. She turned, and he saw the full red bush between her legs as she first sat then lay down on the bed, stretching out. Mel turned her head towards the Captain. "Why don't we try it out?" Horn slowly undid his smartly pressed uniform, and let it fall to the floor. As he stepped out of his pants she groaned, watching him slowly become hard before her eyes. The Captain strolled like a god up to the bed, and getting on it slowly positioned himself over her. Mel spread her long legs, half wrapping them around him before he had even gotten into position. Her hands were stroking his chest, feeling his cut body, and she whimpered. "Fuck me, Captain. Fuck me like only a MAN can!" He thrust, finding her soaking entrance on the first try. She cried out, hands clutching his back and legs crossing around his ass. He pounded into Mel, her pussy a hot furnace. He could feel her clutching at his cock, trying to capture it as it did its duty. Suddenly Mel's fingernails dug into his back, and he felt her convulse around his cock as she screamed his name. Her head shot up and she bit his shoulder, and that sent him over the edge. Horn shot wave after wave of invading sperm into the teen, and she chanted his name over and over. Finally, she collapsed onto the bed and released him. Horn looked down at the beautiful girl spread under him, and as her eyes once again focused on him, he smiled at her. "I don't know about the bed alone, but with you in it I think it is the best." "Oh, Captain!" She looked at him in adoring wonder, and reached a hand up to caress his cheek. She noticed then the slight stream of blood from where she had bitten. "Oh! We have to get that looked at!" **** Captain Horn walked down the ship corridor, enjoying the looks he was getting from the various girls he passed. They all seemed to give out sexy moans upon seeing how he filled out his dress uniform. He even heard the eight year old he passed loudly whisper to her companion, "I think I now know what -~horny' means!" Soon he found himself in front of the sickbay door, and straightening his jacket, entered. Two brown skinned, dark haired girls, twins, were in the middle of the room kissing. They each wore a white skirt with a red cross on it, and nothing else, their hands slowly roaming over each other's breasts and back. Their lips and tongues were lightly sparing with each other, and Horn thought he had never seen such an erotic sight. He felt himself stirring again. One of them sensed his presence, and breaking the kiss turned towards the door. Her eyes lit up on seeing him. "Captain Horn!" Her sister turned and also cried in joy, and in moments Bell and Bella were on either side of him embracing the Captain. They only came up to his shoulders, and he found his hands lightly tracing up and down their spines. They both shuddered in unison. One of them looked up and noticed the dried blood on his shoulder. "Oh! You're hurt!" She immediately started to drag him towards one of the beds. He tried to protest, although not too strenuously, especially once they got him next to it and began to undress him. The removal of each article of clothing was accompanied by the caressing of newly exposed skin, and Horn marveled not just at the feel but also the aesthetic beauty of their small brown hands on his white skin. Once his magnificent body was fully exposed, Bell had him lay down on the narrow bed. She ran a finger over the bite on his broad shoulder, and leaned down to lightly kiss it. Her sister found a well healed scar on his other arm and gently kissed and licked the length of that. Slowly, the twins explored and kissed his entire body, leaving his cock once again hard and begging for attention. Bella, or was it Bell, stood up and looked at Captain Horn, pouting. "I have something that needs kissing too..." "I do have some first aid knowledge," Horn replied, a sexy grin on his face. Smiling back, Bella climbed up on the bed and straddled his head, facing his feet. Her juices were already dripping on him, and with her skirt covering him like a tent she lowered herself onto his mouth. Bringing his hands up to hold her steady, Horn dug in. He hadn't eaten all day, and her pussy tasted better than the finest wine. She moaned, and even more flowed into his mouth. Horn felt another weight on the bed, and suddenly he felt something tight and moist sliding over his cock. Bell groaned, only half way down his massive rod. "It's so big!" She raised up a little bit, then with an effort dropped down and took the rest of him into her. He could feel her spasming around him, cuming just from that. His tongue continued to do its magic on her sister, and as Bell started to slide up and down his shaft Bella gave a scream and flooded his face. He drank it all. Bella lifted herself off of him, and once again he could see the rest of the room. Bell was riding him, still wearing the skirt, her breasts bouncing nicely. She leaned forward, and her hands grabbed his and held them against the bed. Captain Horn closed his eyes, enjoying the tightest fuck he had ever had. He almost didn't feel his legs being spread, as if the end of the bed was splitting into two arms. Horn did open his eyes when he felt something clamp down on his ankles, but his eyes were looking up at the beautiful hanging breasts of Bell and her dark nipples. Only when something clamped onto his right wrist right below where Bell was holding his hand to the mattress did he suddenly realize something was wrong. He saw Bella rush around the bed, and with alarm he tried to jerk his left hand up. Bell had all her weight on it, though, and in a moment that too was secured. Bell sat up, still riding his cock, still smiling down at him sexily. Her sister came to stand next to her and reached over and removed the skirt, exposing where Horn and the teen were joined. "What's going on!" Captain Horn hissed. Then he groaned, as her pussy contracted again on him. "Oh, it's all going on," said a male voice from the doorway. Horn whipped his head around. A tall, nude, male teen stood in the doorway. His body was young and muscular, his skin even darker than that of the twins. His cock was ten inches long, and curved upwards, hard as steal. He started walking towards the foot of the bed. "What are you doing here, Sean?!?! I thought all the boys..." Horn's mind whirled. "Yes, all the boys are gone, but I'm a MAN, and I'm going to show you what a MAN can do..." **** Captain Horatio Horn awoke with a start. The red alarm light was flashing in the Captains cabin. Lying naked on his bead, Horn tried to ignore it. Maybe it would go away once it discovered it wasn't wanted. Nope, that didn't work. There was a knock on the door, and Lieutenant Bush entered. He saw his Captain spread eagle on the bed, sweaty, with a huge hard on, and shook his head. "The dream again?" Horn sat up, bringing his legs together, and looking at his second in command sighed. "They have a ship full of teen girls, and we have... oh, what the fuck." He straightened. "What's the alarm?" "The fleet is all gathered. The operation on London Station starts in half an hour." Captain Horn nodded. "Good. I'll be there in a moment." He looked down between his legs, at the still rock hard cock, and once again sighed. "You know, Mr. Bush, I don't suppose you could..." "Fuck you, Horatio." **** Edited by SciFi Nut Comments more then welcome. invidfan@localnet.com http://storiesonline.net/library/author.php?id=6389 /~Invid_Fan/