Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. A Father Daughter Affair Disclaimer:Most of the stories on www.asstr.org ignore the damage that incest causes. The victim in this story has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with Flashbacks and Multiple Personality Disorder. So incest is more traumatic than ordinary rape by a stranger. Chapter One: The Grooming I must put in here the disclaimer: I never intended to groom my daughter for the sexual abuse that did happen. I was the only parent to love the child unconditionally and that was all I wanted was hugs and kisses. My daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate. This caused her mother to reject her daughter because she had wanted only perfect children. She also rejected me, her husband with the words, "I don't want to have any more of your children!" so when she went back on the Pill she still refused to make love to her husband for years at a time. So the daughter and father were bound together by the mother's rejection of both of them. Even before my daughter was able to walk on her own her mother had changed her prefered sitting place from our sofa to my grandmother's rocker. At 260 pounds she filled that 1930's antique from sidearm to sidearm. No room for our daughter to climb up. I stayed on the sofa so she had plenty of room to climb up next to me. And she did and after she'd climb up on me she often end up on my lap. This did not stimulate any sexual response on my part, no erection or other distraction just a kid wanting attention. So if the daughter was wet or had a dirty diaper and Daddy was home Mommy left it to Daddy to take care of. Feeding also fell into her father's responsibility since cleft children cannot nurse at their mother's breast. These things bonded the father and daughter into what would become a badly dysfunctional relationship as we will see. My wife and I were not at peace with each other in this period. I was walking on egg shells as I had been for a long time trying not to trip her hair trigger. We often fought over her seizing control of the family finances, the lack of affection from her, and the total lack of sex. The kids could hear these fights because the mobile home's interior wall were only 2" thick. They often hid together in my daughter's bedroom closet while we battled with words. Any argument that she was losing, she'd accuse me of some infidelity and could not prove it did not happen but I had been faithful to her despite her total lack of consideration of what men marry for. One thing I suspect happened was during one of these fights my daughter may have asked my son "What is sex?" and he replied, "It has do with what you have between your legs." Another thing that influenced my wife's idea that I may have been unfaithful to her was her addiction to soap operas. These afternoon dramas feature lots of infidelity and the number of times you see a husband and wife in bed together is tiny compared to how often you'll see them in bed with someone else. Of course being left home with her mother, my daughter also watched these. One day when she was two she climbed up on the sofa and gave me what she called a movie kiss. It was long and passionate. One day she did it and I told her she was missing one important part of the kiss. She asked me what was missing and I told her she had to use her tongue. She said "How?" I tell her she can stick in my mouth or I could put mine in hers. The next time she did a movie kiss she stuck her tongue in my mouth and this brought an erection into being. I put her off my lap and let it fade and I was much less accepting of "movie kisses" having realized they did add to my stimulation. On Easter Sunday my family attended Sunday worship as was our custom each week. Since it was Easter my in-laws who lived over a hundred miles away had come for Easter. So five of us went together to church for Easter Sunday worship. Our pastor at our Methodist Church at this time was a very liberal man who refused to preach against sin or about damnation but stressed a Gospel of Cheap Grace. When we returned home from church my son, my wife and my daughter all went to their bedrooms to get into more comfortable clothes. I stayed in the living room of our 14 by 70 three bedroom mobile home to entertain my in-laws. When my wife came out I went to our bedroom to get out of my grey business suit and into something a bit more comfortable. I had changed out of the suit and was dressed in shirt and slacks when there was a knock on the bedroom door. I called out, "Who is it?" The answer was,"It's me, Daddy" in the voice of my daughter. Since I was decent, I said, "Come in" and she entered wearing jeans and a T-shirt. She closed the door behind her and came to where I was sitting on the bed and said, "Daddy, I have a burning itch down there." I wasn't sure where down there was so I asked her "where?" and she pointed at her crotch. I told her "Show it to me." and she obediently dropped her jeans and panties to show it to me. Looking at my baby's genitals I could see her labia were as red as her surgically corrected lip! Something had irritated that tenderest of skin. Since my wife had forbidden me to engage in cunnilingus since the birth of our son eight years before my daughter was born we had been using Vaseline as a sexual lubricant and kept a jar of it in the bookcase headboard of the bed. I took out a golf ball sized glob of the stuff and spread it over my daughter's three and half year old labia. I had too much for such a small girl so I spread her labia out and smeared it over the inside of her slit as well. This accidentally sexually stimulated her, known to me only after I'd done it when I put a finger on the mouth of her vagina and found her hole to be wet! After I'd rubbed it in and realized it had turned her on I had her pull up her panties and jeans and join her grandparents in the living room. After I put on my black oxfords and my socks I opened the master bedroom door to hear my daughter telling everyone in the front of the mobile home, "Daddy rubbed me down there and it felt good." I also heard my wife loudly calling our yet innocent child a whore and a slut. It should be mentioned here that since the birth of our son, 11 years ago, my wife had constantly displayed considerable temper combined with distrust and extreme jealousy. I now believe she suffered from a Borderline Personality Disorder which had her falsely accusing me of multiple affairs with my son's baby sitters, waitresses in restaurants where we ate and , of course, the women where I worked. Despite all this I had remained faithful to her even though she left me no reason to be faithful. Naturally this was yet another excuse for her to yell and scream at me as she accused me of the incestuous abuse of our own daughter. While I knew it had turned her on, I greatly underestimated the effect it would have on my daughter and I told my wife "It wasn't sexual, it was medical" Slowly but surely she understood I'd had no sexual intent so it could not be charged as sexual abuse and finally accepted my thoughts and calmed down. I thought it was over and done with, I could not have been more wrong. Chapter two: The start of the affair . On Wednesday night our church had programs for youth. My wife, as volunteer Christian Education Director, led these. So on the Wednesday after Easter my wife and son went to church leaving me and my daughter at home, alone. They had not been gone more than a quarter hour when my daughter came to me and said, "I need to talk to you in your bedroom." Now the board games were stored on a high shelf in the master bedroom closet, so I thought she was bored and wanted to pick out a game. A game was on her mind but it had nothing to do with that shelf. When we got to the master bedroom I turned to her and she said "Rub me down there." I was shocked! I then told her, "I can't do that, it's just wrong, besides, why you want me to do this wicked thing?" She quite calmly declared, "Because it will feel good." I then explained, "It is against the law and if I do this thing and anyone finds out Daddy will have to go away for a very long time." Her reply was equally logical, "I won't tell anybody about it so no one will ever know." I reminded her of the Christian belief that God knows everything, "You will know, I will know and God will know because he knows everything and it is a sin." My daughter had a child's understanding of theology and she said, "God forgives sin, and besides I don't care about any of that, I want you to do it" She was only three and a half years old! Now my wife and I had not made love since Christmas, 1,190 days ago. It wasn't that I wasn't trying, it was just that my wife had been refusing me, at first it was headaches or fatigue but lately it was just "No" . So I was weak in the face of temptation, sexually deprived and frustrated so I told her to bare it for me and then I rubbed her vaginal slit until she staggered in her standing with her climax and then I ask her if that was enough. She nodded affirmatively and then pulled up her panties and jeans and walked out. In no way, do I blame my daughter for any of this. The problems between my wife and I and the fact that I had allowed her to take over family finances and letting her continuously accuse me of affairs when I had none. Had she not constantly changed the conditions in the house keeping me walking on eggshells I probably would have realized how bad the marriage was and gone to a counselor. One major mistake on my part was constantly assuring her I would not divorce her. That was to provide her with security within the relationship. She used that to abuse me psychologically by promising and not delivering not just sex but many other things too. This became our private ritual any time we were left alone in the mobile home. Every time her mother and brother were gone she'd come to me and say, "Make me feel good." and we go to the master bedroom and she'd pull down her pants so I could rub her hairless virgin genitals. Each time I would rub her until she lost her balance and stagger stepped. Then she would pull up her pants and leave the room. After two weeks of this genital rubbing I made a decision to turn up the heat. So one Wednesday evening after I'd rubbed her rubbed her vaginal slit until she stagger stepped I told her not to leave right away. Then I explained that there were things I could do to make her feel better faster. I asked her to think about letting me lick her down there because she'd feel even better. I told her not to tell me until the next time we got together to do our special stuff. A few days later my wife took my son to the supermarket and my daughter come to me as they were pulling out of the driveway and said, "Come on Daddy, make me feel good." When we got to the bedroom I asked her, "Are you going to let me lick it?" She said, "Yes" so I told her to get naked, she took off every stitch of clothing and stood before me. I kissed her. I rubbed her nipples with my hands. I licked and sucked at her nipples while I moved my hand down to rub her virgin genital. I picked her up with my two hands at her waist and I set her round little bottom on the edge of our full sized bed. She laid back letting her long wavy light brown hair fan out under her head. I knelt at the edge of the bed and put one leg over each of my shoulders. I then spread her labia with my fingers and started licking up and down between her labia. I paid special attention to her clitoris to insure her pleasure and after a few minutes I felt a shiver spread from her clit over her whole body. She'd cum. So I backed out gently laying her legs back to the carpeted floor. She got dressed and left and I stayed a few minutes to let my erection fade. Again I must repeat that it is not her fault she accepted this. It was my fault for proposing it. She was just doing what she thought I wanted. I did not masturbate because I had hoped my wife would stop the cutoff and make love to me again. So now our seduction included kissing, French kissing, me rubbing her genitals and me doing oral sex on her. Since she was stripping to the skin I now rubbed and sucked on her undeveloped breasts. To allow her to control what I did, she didn't like to French me, but was okay with me putting my tongue in her mouth. So her signal to move along in our repertoire was to put her tongue in my mouth. She liked me doing oral sex on her so much she'd often French me four times in one kiss telling to bypass three steps I'd normally use to get there. Every time I'd do oral sex on her I'd have a raging erection which was more and more frustrating so after two more weeks I ask her to masturbate me so I could feel as good as she was feeling. This was asked after one of our sessions. With an answer not expected until the next time we got together for sex The next Saturday my son went to a friend's house and my wife went to do some office work at church. I slept in. I woke up when a toilet flushed which was followed by my daughter coming to my bed. She crawled in beside me and I put an arm over her. She cuddled with me for a while then asked me where Mommy was. I told her,"at church." and she asked how long. I looked at the clock and it was only 9 and Mommy wasn't due until lunchtime. I told this to my daughter and her reply was "Then we have time to make me feel good." I asked her,"Are you going to do me today?" She reached down to my briefs and started to rub my morning erection. I told her,"Stop, I have to make you feel good first" She said okay and pulled the long T-shirt that she used as a nightgown off over her head and threw it on the floor. She pulled her panties down and off and tossed them onto the long T-shirt. Then I kissed her on the mouth and started feeling her flat chest. On the second kiss she Frenched me twice so I moved one hand to her genitals to stimulate her clitoris while I put my mouth and the other hand on her undeveloped breasts and tiny little nipples. She let me continue this way for about five minutes because we had plenty of time. Then she reached for my chin and pulled me up into another French kiss so I moved down to her mound but kept my hands busy on her nipples. She climaxed in less than two minutes. shivering from her genitals to her extremities. I came up to her face and told her, "I love you." I kissed her again and then got out of my briefs. She reached for my organ and began to masturbate me with her tiny little hands. After a few minutes she changed hands because of fatigue. Then she said, "Daddy my hands are getting tired. Isn't there something else I can do to make you feel good?" Now many men would have asked for her to do oral sex on him at this point. I wouldn't because that activity was next, and not due for another couple of weeks. So I asked her to lie down on her back. I straddled her midsection on my knees and laid my penis over her breast bone and began to rub it up and down between her undeveloped breasts. I kept this up until I ejaculated onto her chest and neck. I then cleaned her up with a Kleenex and we got up, got dressed back into our respective night clothes and I added a robe and I went out and we ate breakfast together. After breakfast she went to the living room and she watched Saturday Morning Cartoons. I went back to my bedroom and got clothes on. I went outside and took the power mower out of our 8' by 10' shed and mowed our lot's grass. I finished by eleven and came back in soaked in sweat. I went back to the bathroom to take a shower and to shampoo my hair. Just before I stepped out of the tub there was a knock at the bath room door. Since neither my wife nor son was due I knew it was my young daughter. I ask her what she wanted. "I got to go pee" was her response. I said go ahead. She came in and sat on the stool I finished up and came out of the tub. She goes "Daddy, did you have to come out right now?" I said,"I was done besides I saw all you have this morning." She nodded in agreement than asked "Is there time to make me feel good?" I looked at my watch and it read 11:25 AM. I said, "I think so" I put on my robe and carried my clothes to the master bedroom; my daughter followed me still wearing her over-sized T-shirt. As soon as we crossed into the bedroom she pulled it over her head dropped and walked out of her panties and sat on the edge of the mattress and laid back. I knelt as I had earlier and dove into her genitals nibbling on her clitoris until she climaxed. As I pulled up I heard my wife's car pull into the driveway. I quickly dressed in my casual clothes and went out to meet her. My daughter pulled her over-sized T-shirt over her head and pulled on and up her panties but she didn't pull her lovely long light brown hair up out of the neck hole. She came out of the back of the mobile home into her mother's sight showing signs she'd taken it off and put it back on quickly. She sat next to me on the sofa. I reached over and pulled her hair out of the T-shirt's neck hole and let fall over her shoulder. It was still wild since she had not combed or brushed it all morning. So we avoided getting caught only by my wife's lack of attention. My daughter whispered in my ear, "Do you need to cum?" I told her "No, I'm fine" My wife boiled hot dogs which were served on bread for lunch with chips. Then about one thirty my son called and asked me to pick him up about 2:30. When I announced that to my wife, my daughter comes to me and whispers "If you leave now I can make you feel good." She still thought because she'd cum twice that I should cum twice too. I said "no" and that was the end of the discussion. Chapter Three: Fellatio Artist At least twice a week my wife and son would leave my daughter and me alone and each time this happened my daughter would ask me to make her feel good. Each time we'd start with a kiss and progressed to the point when I'd do oral sex on her until she'd climax. Then she'd let me rub my penis on her nude body until I'd cum. Sometimes I did it on her chest, other times I'd have her lay on her stomach and I'd lay my penis between her butt cheeks and stroke it on her externally until I'd cum. This was so satisfactory that I held off in my plan to add fellatio to her repertoire for am additional week. Finally the day arrived when I ask her, again in the afterglow of her orgasm, to consider doing to my penis as I'd been doing to her genitals for seven weeks. Once again I told her she did not need to answer until we were again having sexual relations. Even though we continued to be left alone she did not come to me so I could make her feel good. I felt she feared what I would do if she refused to accept my proposal to do oral sex on me. So once I went to her room and knocked on the door when we were alone in the house. I explained to her that if she refused I would continue to do what we had been doing before without any pressure to change things. She said "Okay" and I left her room and returned to the living room, put in a StarTrek video and watched it. She did not come out of her room until her mother came home. My wife made her Hamburger Helper supper for that night and we ate supper. At my daughter's bedtime she asked me to tuck her in. So I took her to her room and put her to bed with a hug and a kiss, no tongue. This now became a daily procedure but I did not abuse her when putting her to bed. She didn't ask me to so I didn't do it. We kept this bedtime ritual up right up to the day she reported the abuse. I never abused her at this time because she didn't ask me to do anything other than to put her to bed. The next Saturday my son went to a friend's house and my wife went to do the grocery shopping. My daughter asked me to make her feel good as my wife started the car. As we both stripped to the skin I ask her if she had decided to try to suck me off. She said, "I'll try it one time but if I don't like it I don't want you to think I'll do it again" I said, "That's okay." I kissed her on the mouth and she Frenched me four times in the one kiss, counting the steps off I went down on her and did oral sex on her until she shivered in climax. Now it was time to see if she would do oral sex on me and if she would stay at it until I ejaculated. So I put it close to her face as she knelt in front of me and she took my penis in her small hand and started to masturbate me. When her hand got tired she put my penis in her mouth and moved up and down my shaft as I'd told her to do. She kept a tight seal around my shaft then after fellating me for a few minutes she came off my penis and said "Yucky, you came in my mouth!" Now I had not cum, this was that little drop of precum that serves to lubricate a woman's vagina. I explained all this to her then proposed that she straddle me and stroke my penis with her labia. Since I'd explained that a man my age could cum but once for several hours so if I could ejaculate with her labia rubbing on my penis then I couldn't have climaxed when she was sucking my penis. I laid on my back and she straddled me kneeling and settled with her labia up against my penis and she'd slide up and down my shaft until I'd ejaculate. She did it and I shot so hard the semen actually landed on my own face. I cleaned myself with a Kleenex and we got dressed. I ask her if she'd suck me again and she said, "I will as long as you don't cum in my mouth." I immediately accepted her condition as my wife had stopped sucking my cock within the first six months of our marriage. I really did, and still do love to do cunnilingus. My wife had forbidden me to do this to her after her father called our home trying to reconcile with his daughter, my wife right after she had my son, his first grandchild. According to psychologists I had in prison she connected this act to her father and that's why his call generated that prohibition. This was one reason I continued to make my daughter climax by cunnilingus from the first time she let me do it. Now we had a sequence where I'd start by kissing her, then French kissing her, then working the nipples undeveloped breasts, then sucking her tiny nipples, rubbing her vaginal slit, then doing oral sex to her orgasm, then we'd do sixty-nine until she decided I was hard enough then we'd do outercourse until I'd ejaculate. We'd do it anytime my wife left the two of us alone. My son had taken to staying in his room except for school, bathroom breaks, and meals so even his presence in the house was no longer an impediment to our incestuous relations. On September 10 of this year of 1989 my wife did allow me to make love to her one time. Why that day? Because it was the first Saturday after my birthday. It had been 1,355 days since my last lovemaking with my wife. I remember that love making session because it was the only morning lovemaking since my son had been born and it was on Christmas Morning. She was too busy and tired to make love on a work day and Sunday night was my appointment to watch Star Trek. One reason she was so tired was because of the extra weight she was carrying. She'd been 162 pounds when we'd been joined in matrimony. By now she was up to 225 and was still gaining. Chapter four: Half Day Kindergarten When my daughter was five it was time to enroll her in school. She would go to a half day of kindergarten each day in the morning and be home for lunch. Since my job was second shift teaching Electronic Engineering Technology at the local Junior College and my wife had started had started working days at the local mall we'd be alone five days a week. The first day of school I walked my daughter to the school bus stop and watched her go off to school. I was waiting for her when they dropped her off about 11:45. I walked her home and she asked me "Is mom home?" when I said no she said good. We got back to the house and as soon as we entered she closed all the drapes in our living room and stripped off her clothes until she was naked. I hurried to match her nudity and we did our whole sequence right there on the orange shag carpet in the living room. Since we had time I brought her to climax with oral sex. We did sixty-nine for a while Then she sat on my penis and leaned forward with her hands on the floor on each side of my head. That was different. Then I noticed it put her clitoris in contact with my penis as she slide forward and backward on my shaft. She got up and said. "I need a bath." I told her "We also need to eat lunch." She went to her room and grabbed an outfit and went to the bathroom to start a bath. I could hear the water clearly and after I put burger in the broiler I looked down the hall and she'd left the bathroom door wide opened. I went up the hall and walked into the bathroom and when I came in she stood up to show me what she had. I told her, "thank you" but explained our gas broiler would burn the burgers if I didn't turn them on time. So I left her there and return to the kitchen to turn the burgers. When they were done I yelled "Lunch is ready!" She replied, "Daddy come here." So I reported as ordered. She was standing in the tub. I asked her, "What do you want?" She said "Lift me out of the tub." So I put a hand under each arm and lifted her out. She pulled a towel off the rack and said, "You dry me off." So I carefully dried her off then I turned to go to lunch. My son came home from school and went to his room to do his homework. I told him there were Pizza Rolls in the freezer if he got hungry. I had to go to work so I told my son I was leaving and their mother was due home before supper time. I worked my usual shift and got home at 10:15 PM. The house was dark and quiet so I turned on the TV and caught the end of the news and then went to bed. The next morning I asked my daughter if she wanted me to walk her to the bus stop and she said no. She walked down alone. At 11:15 AM I was down at the bus stop waiting for her. She said "Hi Dad" and we held hands all the way back to the house. We walked in; she dropped her book bag and went to the master bedroom. I followed her in and when I arrived she said. "I'll race you to naked." So I started to strip quickly but she beat me to naked. She hopped up on the bed put her butt on the edge of the mattress and laid her back flat. When I was naked and I walked up to her she lifted her legs and when I knelt she lowered them onto my shoulders It was obvious what she wanted so I dove in, mouthed her mound and ran my tongue up and down her slit as her climax approached she reached down to hold me in place so as she shivered. When that ended she reached down and pushed me off saying, "Wait a minute I need to catch my breath after that one." So I knelt there and waited a little while she caught her breath. So I got dressed and went out to boil hot dogs for lunch. We were still eating when my son arrived home. My daughter had not taken her bath by the time I left for work. When I got up in the morning my daughter wanted me to walk her to the bus stop. As we walked down she asked me if I was okay since she'd seen my erection when I was eating her but hadn't gotten my rocks off yet. I told her I was fine and I didn't mind giving her the pleasure without taking any for myself. Even before we got to the bus stop she told me to go home and wait for her to come back. Now my initial reluctance to do these things returned and so I started being out when my daughter returned home. It was not long when avoiding the temptation became a problem because my daughter told my wife. My wife insisted I had no reason not to be home when our daughter got out of school. Little did she know the truth? So the next day I was home as my wife commanded. My daughter came home, walked in the door, dropped her book bag then took a running jump into an octopus hug. An Octopus hug means to hug you with all your limbs wrapped around the person you are hugging. That puts the hugger's full weight on the huggee. I'm thankful God gave me a strong frame and core muscles to accept octopus hugs without being injured. In Iowa the school year is 180 days total.So it's likely that my daughter and I had incestuous relations 175 times during her kindergarten year. Most days it started with hugs and kisses and advanced to me doing oral sex on her until orgasm after which we'd sixty-nine for a while until we'd finish with outercourse until I'd cum. Chapter five: First Grade First grade is a full day of school. So now our activities were limited to evenings when my wife took college classes. She was studying now to become a teacher. My victim has now begun to ask questions. She asked me how babies were made. I explained to her that if I put my penis into her vagina and she was old enough and it was the right time of the month we could make a baby. She asked what time of the month was best for making babies. I explained about what a girl's period was and that a week after it ends seems to be the time of peak fertility for most women. She ask me if her mother and I were planning any more children. I explained that her mother refused to let me put my penis in her vagina so no children were likely. Then she proposed to make a baby with me! I explained that her cleft lip and palate would likely to be duplicated in any child she and I produced together. She had not yet started having periods yet but at least she would understand what it was and that the bleeding would not be fatal. On the days my wife had late afternoon classes my son would make my daughter a healthy snack when she got home. Since I had been let go at the community college I was now in retail selling computers. The store was closed weekends and evenings which meant any opportunities for us to continue our incestuous affair were now dependent on my wife being gone in the evenings. On September 6, 1992 my wife once again did allow me to make love to her. It was 1,092 days from the previously mentioned intercourse event. It was the first Saturday after my birthday that it happened. I'm not sure why she allowed it since two other birthdays had passed without her permitting what every man wants his wife for. My wife kept trying to complete a college level mathematics course so she could teach middle school math. She took the class three times and failed it all three times. My daughter is now being teased relentency because her cleft lip and palate is causing her nose to be crooked. This name calling caused her to more highly value her father's relationship though they told her in school about good touch bad touch and she told me now that she now understood what I meant when I told her we had a special relationship. We were naked on her parent's bed when she brought it up and I ask her if she wanted to stop. She thought for a moment then said "no." So when her mother was at the University in the evening we would do what we used to do in the afternoon. She ask me if I wanted to make her feel good and I'd say yes and we'd hug and kiss until she'd French me then we'd feel her nipples until she did it again I'd suck at her nipples on her still undeveloped breasts. When she'd pull me up to kiss her and she'd French me again I'd move a hand to her genitals to stimulate her clitoris. At the next entry of her tongue in my mouth I'd move my mouth to her genitals and I'd lick and nibble her to orgasm. Her orgasm were still expressed as shivers starting at her genitals and spreading through her whole body. We didn't have too many chances to get together which increased risk taking Chapter Six: Caught One night my wife complained that she had a head cold. She sniffled and complained all evening so I gave her an antihistamine that generally put me to sleep. She took it and went to bed. I waited a half hour then I went to my daughter's room and woke the child up. She asked me why and I ask her, "Do you want to feel good?" and she said "yes." I carried her out to the living room and manually stimulated her to climax then she said I could just rub my cock on her as she was too tired to do outercourse with me. So I was rubbing my penis on her breast bone when my wife came out and ask "What the hell is going on here". Now I had heard her coming and had put my organ back in my pants but the sleepy child did not pull her clothes back together. She had pushed down her pants to let me rub her and taken her oversized off because skin is easier to clean than clothes. Still, I was caught red handed. She said she didn't know what to do. I told her to call 9-1-1 because they knew where to route the call. She didn't want to do that. Since she'd quit her job to return to college I was the sole source of income for the family. She knew it would end her gravy train if she called 9-1-1. What she decided to do instead was to be sure to be home when our daughter was home, no more evening classes. Chapter Seven: Does she want to have intercourse? When my daughter was eight she ask me if I could make love to her like I would her mother. Then I explained that the first time a girl does accept a man's penis into her vagina there was a membrane of skin that he would have to tear through and that would cause pain the first time she did it. She still wanted to try. So when she'd been doing outercourse with me for a few minutes I ask her if she wanted it inside her today. When she answered yes I held my organ straight up and my daughter would spread her labia and try to impale herself on my penis. This gave her control of penetration and how much pain she had to take. Now she had more than six surgeries to correct her cleft lip and palate. The reason she like sex so much was it was a sharp contrast to the pain she suffered in surgery and after each one. Now that intercourse would hurt the first time she did not want to suffer too much pain. The first time we tried this she was eight. She lowered herself onto my organ until she felt it hit her hymen that put just the head of my penis inside her. At that point she decided to back off and she raised herself off my organ and resumed rubbing her genitals over my penis to help me cum. We did not try sexual intercourse again for three years. On the now rare occasions when my wife would leave me with my daughter, she'd ask me to make her feel good. We would each take our own clothes off, climb up on the bed, hug and kiss like a pair of teeny boppers, when she French Kissed me, I'd rub her nipples which had now started to harden at my tender touch. When she Frenched me again I'd move my mouth to a nipple and Id suck them, alternating between her still tiny tits. When she French kissed me again I move a hand to her bare genitals and work the slit and her clitorus gently driving her up the wall. Another tongue kiss would be my signal to do oral sex on her which would drive her to orgasm if previous touches had failed to do so. Then it was my turn as she'd rub my penis, we'd do sixty-nine until we were both hot then she do outercourse with me until I'd ejaculate. Chapter Eight: A Change in Behavior FacebookTwitterEmailPrintCompact 3 With my wife trying very hard not to leave me and my daughter alone in the house we didn't have many chances to carry out or incestuous relationship. I pretty much knuckled under my wife's plan and just settled into wife enforced celibacy. Then one late September Sunday paper had a Barbie doll from Target for only $3.99. My daughter saw the ad and said she wanted it for a Birthday gift. Now on the day before her eleventh birthday I walk out from the back of the mobile home to hear my daughter telling my wife to go get it for her. I smell a hidden motive here. So I offer to go and get the doll. My daughter immediately objects saying "Daddy doesn't know anything about Barbie; he'll get the wrong one." Then I said, "Then you go with me and make sure I get the right one." Her reply made no sense at all: "I want to be surprised!" She requested a Barbie doll. We are buying her a Barbie. What surprise is there? I tell them, "Target uses Stock Keeping Unit numbers and I'll ask a sales clerk to help me get the right one. Again my daughter demands that my wife go alone to get it. It seems to me this is more about getting my wife out of the house than getting the right doll. So my wife goes out to the car and even before she gets in my daughter takes me by the hand and takes me to the master bedroom. She immediately starts to take off her clothes. I haven't started to do anything but to stand and watch her. She says, "Come on Dad, You know what we are going to do." So I start to remove my clothing. It should be noted that up to now that we did our incest acts when my wife was out of the house of her own volition. This time I had stood and listened as my daughter manipulated her out of the house so we could be intimate. I had turned my innocent daughter into a wanton whore! So here I was in my own bedroom naked lying next to my naked daughter embracing her as my lover. I had already been given the signal to put my hands on her genitals. My other hand is on a nipple that is budding into a breast. She let me suck at her nipple then sent me down to to do oral sex. I ran my tongue up and down her slit until she came. Then we went into sixty-nine until I was hard as granite. When she sat up to do outercourse I heard my penis using my mouth to say "I want to cum inside you." So my daughter raised herself up and I held my cock straight up as she tried to impale herself on my raging penis. She really tried hard but the pain of pushing on her hymen was too much for her to take. She thought maybe she had torn it and she ask me to look to see if she should do it again since if it was broken we could make love without pain. I laid her on her back and opened her outer labia and her inner labia and I opened her vagina and saw an intact hymen, she was still a virgin. So she had outercourse with me to my ejaculation and we left the bedroom fully dressed just seconds before my wife came home with the Barbie doll in an opaque bag. After greeting my wife I returned to the scene of my crime and I prayed to Almighty God to stop my sexual abuse even if he had to take my life. He must have acted because my daughter never again manipulated her mother out of the house nor did she ever express another request to be made to feel good. I thought once again it was over and done with but I wasn't quite done yet. I want to say a word here to all those who claim the title Christian without accepting God's Transforming grace to allow them to sin less. Chapter Nine: Hiatus and a short failure It has been said that a romantic is someone who never accepts the evidence of her eyes and ears. Moving Mars Page 48 by Greg Bear. For the next eighteen months I lived a normal but celibate lifestyle. My wife was still unpredictably angry and tearing me down with her false accusations of infidelity I had not had sex since September 10, 387 days before and this change from abusing my daughter to celibacy started October 1. In early spring months 18 months later after our daughter had gone to bed my wife and I had a fight where she threatened me with divorce because of my many affairs. Actually the affair narrated in this article was my only true case of infidelity. My daughter's room was closest to the kitchen where the fight took place. After my wife and I settled down I heard my daughter calling me to go to her room. So I went to her room and entered through the opened door. She asked me if we were getting a divorce, I told her, "I love you and your mother too much to even consider divorce" She thought a minute and said okay. I asked her for a hug and kiss, and she said yes so I bent over her bed and gave her a hug and a kiss. Then she Frenched me. You'll recall that was the signal to move to the next step in our sequence of sexual activity. So I asked her, "Do you want me to feel your breasts?" She nodded her head yes so I reach down and felt her now developed breasts and immediately the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin and I turned away from her and left the room. That was the absolutely last time I touched her in anything but a properly fatherly manner. Now everybody needs human contact. My daughter still craved the touch of her father. She did not want to be sexually abused but she still wanted to be touched and truly, purely loved. She found a way to get what she needed by asking me for a back rub. Once I'd start, she'd demand I do it, "Under her shirt". Now she wore nightgown and panties to bed but no bra. So I gave her back rub that went from her shoulders to the small of her back every morning without reaching around to her breasts or down to her still beautifully round but. This may have been inappropriate but it fell short of any reasonable definition of sexual abuse. Chapter Ten: The plan for a cruise With my wife's controlling personality she held control of all the family money. She had seized this control by claiming that my handwriting was unreadable. I cooperated by switching to printing in the check register. She then claimed she could not read my printing either. In the six years I spent teaching at the local junior college no student ever claimed that my printing was not clear and legible. All of my blackboard work and over 80% of my overhead projection slides were hand printed by me. Her control was so complete and her accountability to me was so low that as our daughter turned eleven my wife opened an account in her own name that I did not know about. She was squirreling away money for a cruise vacation. A support group for parents of cleft effected children called "Widesmiles " had organized a three day cruise on Carnival Cruise Lines departing Long Beach, California in early December with stops at Catalina Island;; Ensenada, Baja, Mexico returning to Long Beach. I had by this time started working for a different computer company that sent me all over the country installing computer networks. On one of these trips the client had put me in a hotel across the street from Disneyland in Anaheim, California. I did not take the opportunity to go to the happiest place on Earth because it would have provided my wife one more reason to yell at me. But I did spot a budget price hotel in the neighborhood and thought of it when my wife told me about her secret account to pay for the cruise. She wanted just us two to go on the cruise. That made no sense to me. If the cruise was about supporting parents of cleft effected children didn't it make sense to bring along the cleft effected child? So she needed to save more money for our daughter's cruise fare. She also wanted to drive from our home in Eastern Iowa to the departure port of Long Beach. Having flown over the Rockies in the computer network installation I didn't want to drive our twenty year old 1976 Plymouth Volare over that two thousand mile trek. I said if we were going to go we would get out to California and back by air. I had a friend at church who ran a travel agency and he set a good price for the flight and my wife saved a bit more to cover that too. The ship held a formal dinner each evening. I had suits for my work. My wife had outgrown the girth of all her previous gowns and our daughter had never needed formal wear. So both of the ladies in my life needed evening wear for the cruise. Our town had a very limited selection. So we made a trip to the capital city to get both my girls formal wear. My wife found a gown at a plus size store and then ask them if they had anything for our eleven year old. She tried on a gown that covered her from her chin to her feet but didn't like the way it looked. I liked it because I didn't need her showing things to remind me of what had gone on before. She tried on another gown that covered her from the base of her neck to the floor. She thought it was okay but wanted to model one more for her mom and me. This gown was completely inappropriate for an eleven year old child. It had sheer nylon from her neck to just above her breasts and the back was sheer all the way to her waist. It could not have been sexier. The front showed cleavage! Cleavage on an eleven year young child is not appropriate. I did not want her in this gown. But there were three people involved in this decision and I was outvoted. So she got the sexy gown. Both of them denied that it showed cleavage. When we returned home my daughter put on the gown to show her brother. While she was changing in her room I told him I wanted his opinion on whether the gown showed cleavage. My son told me his sister didn't have any cleavage. As soon as she came into the room he exclaimed "S-----a, you have cleavage!" So it wasn't my imagination. Chapter eleven: The cruise itself So we flew from our town to Minneapolis, Minnesota by Northwest Airlines Turbo Prop and caught a connecting flight in a Jumbo jet to Los Angeles. We spent the night in the Pennysaver hotel which is across the street from Disneyland. The following day we received a phone call from a Canadian family who was also going on the Widesmiles Cruise. We met then in Disneyland and went on rides, saw shows and watched parades. The next day we took a taxi to Long Beach to catch our cruise. My daughter had bought a brand new one piece swim suit once she found out cruise ships have swimming pools. I had gone with her to order it and was pleased she had selected it instead of a bikini. Still she found a way to get under my skin even with a one piece suit. It was our second day out and we all went up to the pool deck. My daughter decided to go swimming. She'd never had swimming lessons so I decided if she was going to swim I would also be ready to help her if she would get in trouble, The ship did not station a lifeguard. So my daughter and I retired to our cabin to change, she went to change in the bathroom while I quickly changed in the main cabin. I had my trunks on when she came out of the bathroom with the bathing suit pulled over her hips but without pulling the top up and pulling the straps on her arms to cover her now developing breasts. They did look inviting but once again God gave me strength to say, "Pull up the straps and cover your breasts?" She pulled the straps over her arms and covered herself. Crisis averted. Now my wife when we started dating had told me she was a Christian, a Virgin and wanted ten to twelve kids. On the return flights, we were delayed about a half hour with an announcement that our aircraft had a bad generator. This created a phobia in my wife's mind that the plane was going to crash! Now the delay was to allow the maintenance technicians to change the bad generator so the plane would fly with its redundant systems intact. You see all twin engine aircraft have two generators. Either generator, by itself, is sufficient to operate all the equipment on the plane. These are FAA standards that have provided the United States with an excellent flight safety record. Being a Christian means having faith in God and if you have faith in God you should trust Him. Trust that his will is going to be done. If it's his will that we will die in a plane crash we will die in a plane crash. If it is his will that we will survive to get back home, we will get back home. If I did not have faith I would have asked for Protective Custody on day one of incarceration. I would have done the whole nine years and three months in PC. But I trusted him and stay generally in General Population. If it was his will for me to be beaten to death who was I to hide from God's will? Chapter twelve: What Now? My wife had a severe fear of the thunderstorms which are common in the Midwest where we were living. My daughter caught this same fear. Since my wife had been so negative and ego destroying I did not feel like helping her so my attention went once again to my former lover, my daughter. She'd ask to sit on my lap so I could hold her close. She sat very still but would shove a breast into my chest so occasionally she'd still feel my erection growing. These were allowed to fade after we returned from the storm shelter. My wife did allow me to make love to her September 8, 1998. This was, as usual, the first Saturday after my birthday. I had heard on the radio that a woman was more likely to acheive orgasm during intercourse if the man road high in her slot. So this time I did that and Kathi, for the first time in our marriage, climaxed during intercourse. As she came back down to reality after the orgasm she was worried I had not climaxed or ejaculated. Fact is when she tripped her trigger my gun went off. She was so overcome with the pleasure of the climax she didn't feel it. As a reward for getting her there she decided we would do it again Sunday night if I would come to bed and not stay up to watch Star Trek. Since I had a VCR preprogrammed to record it I readily agreed. That was foolish. I was now 46 years old and any man who has reached middle age realizes he's not able to make love as often as when he was in his late teens or twenties. So the next night she allowed me access to her body again and this time I ejaculated as I was penetrating her. Very premature. She got mad at me and that was our last attempt to make love. Oh she had been making and breaking promises about ,"I'll let you make love to me if...." So we went on the cruise, Valley Fair Amusement Park in Edina Minnesota. I even brought her along on a computer network installation in Peoria, Illinois so she could see what I did on those business trips. It went smoothly and she got on my case about missed flights and day delays on three prior installations because things had not gone smoothly and I had to troubleshoot and fix the problems before I would fly home. The trip to Peoria was using the company's leased Ford Explorer so no airline delays could apply. It should be noted I could not bring her on a flying installation as the customer bought the airline tickets and wouldn't want to pay double. There were trips she requested if I wanted to make love to her but she didn't let me at any time. About three years after our last abortive abuse episode we sold our mobile home and moved to Des Moines, the Capital city of Iowa. We bought a 2 bedroom home on the North end and my wife was now teaching and I worked at various jobs mostly with computers. My daughter was in advanced placement classes in school. She'd often lie on her stomach in front of the television in the living room doing her homework. Her hair was still the wavy long light brown hair hanging down her back. She complained that her back was itching. She asked me to scratch her back. I started to do it outside her shirt. She turned her head back and said, "Under my shirt, Dad." so I put my hands under her shirt, as I scratched my fingers eventually touched the bra strap that ran across her back. When that happened she'd take off her bra and pull it out her sleeve. Now here was an opportunity to cop a feel of her young firm breasts. But this was not something I wanted to do because I suspected she was testing my resolve. (I take no credit for my repentance. The Bible teaches that the power to resist temptation comes from God. Give him the glory) It was during this time that I received a text of "How to tell if your marriage is approaching a danger zone." I took the quiz and had a score of 23 which the quiz evaluation labeled "Red Light: Stop for Repair." If you scored 18 to 24, your relationship is at signifiicant risk. While some couples might have a score in this range and still preserve a good marriage, most won't succeed. You may already notice signs of damage in your relationship such as unresolved anger or a growing sense of resentment, Don't make the mistake of waiting too long to repair the damage. Many couples who wait find it nearly impossible to get their marriages back on track. The good news is that when two people agree to alter their negative patterns of relating, they are often successful. You might consider seeking professional help from either your pastor or a counselor. The approach you take is your choice, but the key is to act now. If you want to take the quiz it is still on-line at http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/7m4032.html When I pointed out to my wife that, according to this test, our marriage was on its last legs, she didn't think it mattered. She didn't want things to change. After all she had control of all the family money. She was controlling my employment by telling me to quit working in technology where I was so good I could work myself out of a job so I took two jobs: one at target setting up seasonal displays and one at Ritz Camera and One Hour Photo where I processed photographs and sold cameras, binoculars, strobes, and telescopes. Why would she want to step down from such a power trip? Now a 2002 Men's Fitness Magazine tells us that if a woman removes any article of clothing, other than a coat, it is because she wants you. Maybe true but that didn't mean I had to cooperate in anything my daughter wanted to do that would bring further damage to her. We still lived in an area prone to severe thunderstorms and she still sat on my lap to be held and shoved that breast into my chest but I would not allow myself to drift back into that improper relationship. Even more troubling than holding her in thunderstorms or the back scratching routine were the two times she came out of her bedroom, embraced her father in a tight hug and made out with me while pushing her abdomen into mine, These two events created a raging hard-on that she could feel while holding me so close. Not sure what her intent was since both events were closely witnessed by her mother and my wife, who were one and the same person. Women reading this should realize men do not have conscious control their own erections. They are an involuntary response to stimuli. Just because he gets hard does not mean he has to have you. To those who think you can have an incestuous relationship with a daughter and as long as you are gentle and have their consent no harm will come to her, here is a news flash: Don't bet your daughter's mental health on it! The incidents when my daughter came to me and made out with me creating an erection on me were not my daughter's idea but rather the work of one of her alters. She has been diagnosed as having Disassociative Personality Disorder. This is commonly called Multiple Personality Disorder. The one who made out with me was the personality that enjoyed the incest. There is another personality who is mad as hell about the incest and there is the primary personality that doesn't think the incest made any difference to her. According to most incest authorities incest runs through multiple generations of a family. I firmly believe my wife was sexually abused by her father with oral sex which later advanced to intercourse. She claimed to be a virgin but had no hymen when we consummated our marriage. According to Jan Frank M. S. author of A Door of Hope a woman with more than four of the fifteen symptoms she listed in that volume is an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. From her list my wife displayed no less than eight. * a controlling personality Why? * excessive jealousy * anger without reason * mistrust Why? * sexually cutting off a spouse without telling them Why? * obesity Why? * expecting perfection in the spouse * extremely negative response to certain scents This points to her being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and the final circumstantial evidence was given to me by my mother-in-law who told me my wife had come back from her last visit to her father in tears and begging never to be sent back. She was only eight when he raped her causing the pain which brought the tears. I stayed in the marriage long after realizing my wife had lied to me about who she was and what she had done. In fact I have reason to believe she lied about everything she told me. In prison I studied two things, abnormal psychology and what we Christians call the Holy Scriptures. The only unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, not rape, incest or even murder. We must face the fact that sexual abuse of children is harmful. Susan Smith, who murdered her children by strapping them into their child safety seats then driving their car into a lake, had consensual sex with her father that morning, something she had done since childhood. Just because they consent or even ask for it doesn't mean it won't hurt them. Now, if she was still acting provocative, why did her Dad finally have to pay for his crime by serving nine years and three months in prison? When she went to High School she made new friends and when she was sixteen one of my daughter's friends was pregnant. The father of the teenager's baby was her own step father! After her own experience with me, my daughter wanted the abuse of her friend to stop. So she strongly suggested this friend report her situation to her school counselor. The girl refused. So my daughter goes to the school counselor and reports her friend is pregnant by her stepfather. The counselor calls in the pregnant young woman and asks her about her pregnancy. The girl denies even being pregnant! Then she gives my daughter the cold shoulder. My daughter is not experienced in rejection, Her father has been practicing his unconditional love for her four solid years. So she goes to the counselor to ask how to deal with this unearned rejection and while talking she's mutilating her arms by digging into them with her nails which causes the counselor to ask my daughter what is bugging her. Then my daughter told the counselor that her father had sexually abused her from age five through age twelve. All teachers in Iowa's schools are mandatory reporters. That makes the passing on of any abuse report mandatory under penalty of law. So Ms. Lyons does what the law requires and calls the Iowa Department of Human Services. IDHS calls the Des Moines Police Department.. They investigate and call the report unfounded because there was no evidence that any abuse occurred in that jurisdiction. But they sent my wife's report of catching us as I reported in Chapter 6: Caught, and my daughter's statements to the IDHS and Des Moines police and send it back to the county where the abuse occurred. My daughter was put in foster care until I moved out of the house, which I did a week later.My victim had spent that week with a good friend who lived back in the town where the abuse occurred. She felt guilty over breaking up her parent's marriage. She's not guilty of that. Her mother destroyed the marriage by refusing to be a wife to me in the bedroom. My contribution was not being sufficiently assertive in demanding what a husband should have from his wife. While the Bible does say the man is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, this does not give him the unlimited right to lord it over her. Christ gave his life for his church. So a husband is called into a self-sacrificing love. I gave too much. You might say that at least your wife kept house. No, she didn't. After the report went in DHS wanted to come out to the house to see what kind of home Kathi and I had provided for her. Three weeks passed before Kathi was content to allow DHS to come to the house. Her reason was that it was a mess. She did not run the vacuum cleaner. Either I did or my daughter did. I also did a good part of the cooking. Why? Because I once challenged her to cook from scratch like she did earlier in the marriage. She challenged me to "Do better if you can!" She laid down the gaunlet and I picked it up. The next day I cooked. From scratch. Oriental Pepper Steak. The recipe I used was designed to serve six. When I served my family of four there were no leftovers. No rice. No pepper steak. You think she would be happy her husband was able to take up the slack for her lack of time and dedication. NO! She was angry! When she makes hamburger helper for five and has two servings leftover and I make a recipe for six and have none she's jealous that the kids like my cooking better than hers. You can't win when dealing with a person who is mentally ill with borderline personality disorder . Whatever you do will be wrong no matter if it helps her or hurts her. On May 8, 2002 was a hearing about my daughter being a "Child In Need Of Assistance" under Iowa State Law. We had been having these every few weeks since the original report came out on March 15, 2002. Something was different this time because previously my attorney had correctly assumed I would be at these hearings. This time he called me on May 7 and asked me if I was going to be there. I did not think much of it at the time but now I suspect he knew that an arrest warrant had been issued by Blackhawk County and that I was to be arrested at that hearing. We went through the motions of a hearing. The Law pretty much allows the Department of Human Services to do whatever they want to in cases of alleged abuse. In one case they badgered the parents of one three year young girl who had been reported by her doctor as receiving treatment for gonerhrea until the two were tried and convicted of sexual abuse. The problem was neither parent had or had ever had gonerhrea. Their neighbor who had occosionally baby sat the child did have it. So the parents go to prison. The child went ot foster care and the neighbor man who was the most probable perpatrator remains free. After every thing was settled and my daughter was to return to foster care, Her mother had been declared unfit. And I was ready to go the judge ordered everyone but me and my attorney out of the court room. Two Polk County Sheriff's Deputies entered the courtroom and my attorney for this civil action told me,"Those officers over there have a warrent for your arrest." I was not going to resist. I instead handed my attorney my cell phone, and my wallet and tell him to take care of this stuff until I get back. I was put in a holding cell at the Polk County Jail. As a result of my crime I've lost contact with all the people I ever loved. My son neither wrote me in prison nor called since I've been out. My wife became my ex-wife three years after I went to prison, Without my income she lost her new car, her house, and I don't know what else. So was it worth all this to have a few years of gratification? Hell no!!!!!!!!!!! Blackhawk County Jail Two Hundred and Seventy-Seven Days March 30, 2004 - March 08, 2007 The first place you get put into at the Anamosa State Penitentiary is Orientation. This is in LUA which is an air conditioned building. It has barred cells which may be a a decorative pattern but they are secure make no mistake about it. We were in two man cells that were well ventilated and a guard was stationed out in the day room. We were awakened and taken in mass to the cafeteria where meals were served. We were returned to the living unit and stayed there. In our cells with our cell mates. The toilets are in the cells so you have no privacy.The guards could be of either gender and could stop by anytime they felt like it. God help you if you had a force gay cell mate. You had no way to keep from displaying whatever his particular sexual desire was. My celly was a Mr. White who was black and was also on a sex charge. He had climbed out of bed and put his hand accidently he claimed on his daughter's genitals. He was told by the judge he would be sent direct to treatment and then on to parole. Whatever he thought I doubt it happened that way. After about a week we were taken up to a conference room where we were spoken to by a man best known as T-bone Taylor. T-Bone was also from Waterloo. He had put the entire county (Black Hawk) on edge for forty-eight hours after two Waterloo police officers had arrived at his home to ask him to turn his stereo down. He had met them on the porch and had shot each of them twice. It was a waste of bullets. The first shot killed each of them. So this cop-killer now was going to tell us how to do time. He gave us the usual thing about not getting into debt to anyone, such debts often turned into sexual services to the lender. He also urged us to mind our own business. T-bone was trying to do good to make up for the evil he admitted he had done. Fact is T-Bone had killed two other inmates at the Ft. Madison Penitentiary. After two weeks of being spoon fed prison life in the maximum security prison we were released onto the yard and transferred to the general population unit. We were moved to LUB, Living unit B and now were on a status of waiting for a job. We alternated long days out and long days in. On long days out we were able to move freely about the buildings and yards up until about 5 on short days we were in the cell except for time to go to meals and get mail. This status is called On-call and we were waiting for a job. With 1200 inmates in a prison built for 800 there weren't enough jobs to keep all the men busy. How you move out is dependent on someone getting locked up on a disciplinary report for more than five days. After five days they lose their jobs and someone from on-call takes their place. Here we say fights all the time. In this prison almost five per cent of the population is lifers. Life in Iowa is Life without possibility of parole so they have nothing to lose since Iowa has no death penalty. If a murderer already serving life without parole kills another inmate the only thing he will get is a year in the hole. They don't put them on trial because they are already serving life without parole. My counselor in this prison was the only black man I knew in a white collar job in the prison. His name was Darby Washington who in my humble opinion was a black racist. Black sex offenders were given jobs in shops where pay was higher. Darby would not let me work there because he wanted me to have to face all the other inmates in the prison everyday. So he kept giving me jobs in the dining hall where every body had to come to eat or in laundry return where every inmate had to go to pick up their laundry. This way he was exposing me every day to people who, because I was a sex offender, wanted to take a shot at me. So I had some hole time in this prison too. Being taken to the hole is different here. They run you through a perp walk. So I got to listen to the other inmates saying stuff like, "Hey Higgins is in the hole.","What did he do to come here?" "Probably got caught fucking somebody." Fact of the matter is even masturbating is considered sexual misconduct. Actually have sex with someone else is sexual misconduct punishable by six months in the hole. Verses ninety days for masturbation. I did not want to catch a sentence for that because compulsive sexual activity in prison can get you civilly committed. Iowa has a code provision that allows the permanent civil commitment of any Sexually Violent Predator. Now in incest there is seldom any need for the perpetrator to become violent. His victim, because she loves him, will typically obey if her father wants sex with her. She may object but he can continue grooming her until she decides to cooperate with him. My daughter was conditioned to let her father do anything he wanted to by her mother's neglect and her father's taking over caring for her. Her father loved her enough to take over care of the child. When Sabrina was about a year old a surgical procedure was planned to close her palate. The lip had been closed when she was four months old. At the University of Iowa Hospitals in Iowa City Iowa the parents wait in a surgical waiting room until their child awakes from general anesthesia at which time the parents are summoned to be there for their child as soon as they wake up. On the day of surgery we accompanied her to surgery and then they took her away we went to the waiting room to wait for word. Several hours later they called us and we went up to the recovery room where the kids woke up. As we came out of the elevator alcove I heard the child screaming bloody murder, the nurse trying to calm her and another nurse saying, "We need you in here now. She has the strength of ten men." As I walked rapidly in the direction of my daughter's voice I sense that Kathi my wife in name only had turned back when my daughter vomited a small but large looking amount of blood. She couldn't cope with the gore. I love my daughter enough the gore did not matter. I walked right up to her and took her in my arms. The nurses were concerned that I was wearing a dress shirt. I told them."The shirt doesn't matter compared to her." Sabrina immediately calmed down now that her daddy was holding her. My wife came up and took her out of my arms and Sabrina immediately twisted around and pushed with both her legs which launched my year old daughter through the air toward me. I caught her in mid air and returned her to my shoulder. Her mother had abandoned her in her time of need so she didn't want her mother anymore. Daddy didn't abandon her when she was in pain and angry because she didn't know anyone in the recovery room. Her father loved her without condition despite the fact that she later would ask me to do the unthinkable things with her. So the grooming was as much a matter of her mother's neglect and weakness and her father's unconditional love overcoming his feeling of helplessness when she was in pain. The fact was I was being punished for being assaulted, for possessing white out, or for defending myself or my property. I had lots of radios, tokens (spendable in vending machines in prison) and headphones stolen while I was in this prison because they gave me a thief by the name of Jeff Cue as a cell mate in LUB. Jeff would act like a friend of mine then when I was out he would tell a friend in an adjacent cell where my valuables were stored. We could buy a Master Brand padlock but with our pop being sold to us in cans it was easy to tear up a pop can and use it was a shim to slip the lock. Took only a few seconds. So if someone wanted to steal, they could. Cell were opened on a regular schedule and when I was working there might be one or two cell lines when they would open the doors for a minute. With a lock you could open in a few seconds and a cell mate that could tell you where all the valuables were a minute was all you needed to steal everything the disliked inmate had. For quite a while I'd pick up my commissary on Wednesday and my stuff would all vanish by Friday. Headphones were required if you used your TV and the only portable radio they sold at that time were Walk man type things that required headphones. So headphones were stolen and resold constantly. The more I bought. The more they stole. So I was working on the serving lines which put me in front of every inmate in the whole prison. I received threats mostly when I was serving deserts. An inmate would threaten to beat me up if I didn't give them a double serving. I could be fire for giving a double serving. So I did not give them anything except the serving I was suppose to give them. No body actually assaulted me on duty. I did have one guy push me away from the pop machine where I was filling a plastic glass with Diet Coke. Fortunately this was observed by a guard who saw what happened and took the guy to hole. I had not fought back and did not get in trouble. One guard wanted to lock me up anyway but the guard that saw it said."Higgins didn't do anything. He was minding his own business when he was pushed away and pop spilled over his tray. " They gave me another tray and I sat down and shakily ate my meal. I say shakily because my hands had a visible shake that was a result of adrenaline released during the altercation. I had to exert a Mr. Spock level of control but I still had trouble controlling my pituitary gland which was triggering the adrenal glands to prepare me to fight or flight. After I had gone to the hole once I was shifted to the dish room where dirty dishes were taken by inmates after the meal. If I was on the window I would often have an inmate push a stack of trays over the ledge into my chest when we were struggling to keep up with the outflow of inmates. Then they gave me early outs which meant I woke up before most other inmates and let out to help serve breakfast. So I was back into the serving line. This was good pay. $2.36 a day. The minimum wage laws hold no sway in Iowa prisons. Once again I was facing all the inmates who ate breakfast. This wasn't as much of a problem as lunch or supper since there was no desert. Some still tried to intimidate me which just stiffened my resolve to stand strong. Eventually someone uttered a threat against me in front of a friend of mine who did not realize they would lock me up to keep me safe. That's right they may or may not punish the person who uttered a threat but would lock up the threatened one. It's called protective custody and your better off in the hole than in PC. PC gets normal rations in the cell. Up in the hole which is on the third floor of LUD. The supper meal was double rations in the hole but PC just got single rations like you'd get in the cafeteria. So my counselor kept me in there even though I did not want PC. Had not ask for PC and was not afraid. For a Christian being killed in prison holds no terror. I know Jesus saved me on October 1, 1996 and that if they killed me it was because it was His will to take me home to Him. Pain was something else. I am not a masochist despite the fact that had stayed in very had marriage long beyond any rational hope. I loved her. She did not love me. But please remember the Catholic teaching of that time that did not allow divorce under any circumstances. That was part of the knowledge I absorbed as a child that still seemed true from what the Bible seemed to say. So I was PC for three weeks before they offered to release me if I would sign a statement that I was not afraid. So they released me and since I'd been locked up too long I'd been replaced on the early serving line I was returned to on-call. In fact each time I got a major and spent time in the hole I was returned to on-call and had to wait idle until a job came opened. My counselor was still requiring me to be exposed to every inmate in the prison so now I was returned to laundry return. Here some people would come in just to hassle Higgins. They'd sit there and call me Huggies or Pedophile or whatever they thought up. I'd retreat to the back of the laundry room then and read a book until they decided they weren't going to get a pay off by my getting mad and starting a fight. I had been in a laundry claim room for a week when some of the other workers would not let me deliver or pick up clothes in the last couple of rows of laundry bins. This was because these men were acting as lookouts for other workers who were receiving blow jobs as payment for debts or simply because some gay guy had an oral fixation. I had been housed with some gays who would offer their mouths or their asses for my use but I didn' t want them. I'm not gay. Not even in prison where I can't get laid by a woman I still refuse this outlet that the Bible called an abomination before God. That is the strongest word used for any sin in the Bible. So regardless of the political correct movement says God says it is sin and that settles the question for anyone who believes the Bible is the word of God. One pair of inmates kept coming into the laundry pickup room and giving me crap. Eventually I was fed up with these young (<24 Years old) who thought they knew everything about life. Having spent six years at Hawkeye Institute of Technology teaching young people electronics I knew they would not go away until I put them in their place. So one day I flat out told them they needed to mind their own damn business that they never spent years teaching people how to make a living in electronics or counting people for a census to determine how many representatives Iowa would have in Congress and until they did something in service to someone other than themselves they had no right to talk to me as they were. They were left speechless. A few days later one of them came into the laundry room and as we were sorting the incoming laundry he came around the back of the D and E bins as I was delivering laundry to the bins in E and F. He started hitting me in the face. The man was a known killer. He had been hungry and broke so he called Pizza Hut and ordered a Pizza to be delivered. When the delivery man came he hit the delivery man in the head with his hammer, killing him instantly. When the Pizza delivery man did not return to the restaurant they tried reach him on his cell phone and it went to voice mail. They became concerned and called the police. The police went to the restaurant and took the delivery list and started to follow the delivery man's route. When they found his car in front of the house they went and knocked on the door. The guy answered the door and let them in with the body still lying on the living room floor where he had fallen dead. When asked why he killed him the murderer said,"I was hungry." Now this young killer was punching me in the face and I slowly backed him out of the blind area into the sight of the supervising officer. What as idiot he just kept on hitting me and after I had him all the way back to where I and other sorters picked up clothes to deliver them to the individual bins eventually after between 12 and 16 good punches I went down. He kicked me a few times but didn't have the leg strength to really do any damage. And without a hammer to multiply his power he could not kill me. When I went down some of my coworkers told the guy to get off me and after that I don't remember what happened but the officer squeezed his Walkie Talking and said Assistance Needed in Laundry Recovery. which brought the Trauma Team in to handcuff the perpatator and the nurses to treat his victim. Me. So I was brought a wheelchair and put in it as I regain consciousness. They tried to carry it up the outdoor stairs. Laundry pickup was in a basement. But I and the chair was too heavy for even three officers to lift. With the extra food I had in the hole and the boredom I had experienced I had built myself up to 200 pounds and was strong enough I could have whipped the kid but then I'd be in the hole. I was locked securely in the infirmary with one eye swelled shut and the other half closed from swelling. I was able to read in the infirmary with a single eye and the people there had compassion for me as I ran through their library. An investigator came by and I told them what happened that morning in the laundry pickup room. When I got out I found out my assailant had been put in the hole for six months. I was returned to the job as soon as the bruises and swelling healed. People were surprised to see me and ask me how I avoided hole time. I ask them if they say me defend myself. They had to admit I had not. I knew fighting him would have gotten me locked up win or lose was of no matter to the guards of the Anamosa State Penitentiary.. When the six months of my assailants hole time came to an end my counselor called me to his office and told me he was sending me to Clarinda. I objected to this because at that time my sister was coming up quarterly for visits from Peoria, Illinois. Oakdale and Anamosa are both in Eastern Iowa a relatively short drive from Peoria. But Clarinda was in the Southwestern Corner of Iowa. It takes nearly five hours to traverse Iowa East to West and now almost the whole state separated me from from my sister and her husband. I was transferred from the Polk County Jail to the Blackhawk County Jail starting about two hours after my arrest in the Child In Need of Assistance Hearing May 8, 2002. That two hours was the time it took the deputies from Blackhawk County to drive to Des Moines to get me. I was then removed from the jail's holding cell and put in the back seat of a Black Hawk County Sheriff's Patrol car and they drove me back to Waterloo where the sexual abuse had begun and ended four years before. Once at the Black Hawk County Jail I was again placed in a holding cell and simply held until midnight passed. Then they processed me into a cell in the maximum security section because I had admitted to being depressed and suicidal All Black Hawk County Jail Cells are single cells and this one had a video camera so the officer at the desk could observe me and make sure I did not act on my suicidal thoughts. Some one opened a book that was too thick to slide under the door closed and slid it under the door. I'm not a big fan of fantasy and that was what this book was but it was something to keep my mind off my situation so I dug into it and read all eight-hundred pages of it in only two days. By that time they were bringing us books regularly so I was occupied with reading, Now I don't want to imply I just sat quietly the whole time. I didn't sometimes I felt I had to move so I'd start to do pushups. I was doing sets of 15 which was determined by my breathing, not my arm strength or endurance. I added sit ups to the routine after a day or two and settled into jail. I also did think about my abuse of the daughter I loved and who loved me which now I saw for the abuse it really was; RAPE! Now this realization came to me slowly but children can be betrayed by their body's reaction to sexual stimuli and all adults need to be aware that we must avoid waking up these feelings and not take advantage of the reactions our children may have. Even if a girl asks her father to have sex with her, it should be a discussion of why it is a bad idea combined with a refusal with affection that the parent must control and divert away from sexual stimuli. Those of you who have read Chapter 2 The Start of the Affair have read that I did try to talk my daughter out of having me rub her down there. The problem was that I was not strong enough in my objections and not sufficiently Scripture Familiar to realize there were instructions in that ancient text on how to deal with this. What the Scriptures Do Say Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:19 AV Flee from fornication. Any other sin that a human being commits lies outside the body; but he who commits fornication sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 Wey flee the whoredom; every sin ? whatever a man may commit ? is without the body, and he who is committing whoredom, against his own body doth sin. 1 Corinthians 6:18 YLT What is fornication? From The Layman's Bible Dictionary:Fornication (Sexual Immorality),Sexual relations between two persons who are not married to one another; any form of sexual immorality or unchasitity. Paul cited fornication as a sin which believers should scrupulously avoid. I gave it to you in three different translation renderings. The first thing is instructions. Flee. The rest of if is why. We should flee for all sexual immorality because of the effects on the body. Now women, know it is not sexually immoral for your husband to make love to you. Fornication cannot occur with one's wife. You are supposed to love him and the hormones released during sexual stimulation bond you to him. If you don't have sex what biological imperative is going to bond him to you? That is why they call it Making Love because the hormone driven bonding that causes a man to cleave unto his wife will keep him faithful and not let him drift into adultery or incest. Unfortunately, the same hormones are released in children when they are sexually abused. Some may deny this but how do you explain children who return to their abusers? Some are bribing the children with candy some with the only affection these children ever receive. I know my parents did love us. But the total lack of affection they practiced with us boys left us wanting contact and physical affection. When I was dating my wife there was lots of physical and yes, sexual affection, but when she cut me off we ended up emotionally separated which left me weak in the face of temptation. If a woman doesn't want her husband to stray the most important thing you can do is have an opened honest discussion with your husband to be sure he is satisfied with the affection and sex you are giving him and making sure you keep him drained from frustration. I did love my wife. She never did love me. Love must be unconditional. I should have walked out of the bedroom and returned to the living room or even gone out tot he shed to get away from the temptation after she gave me her, "I don't care about that, I want you to do it" line. If I had done that then returned after she gave up on it and given her hugs and kisses to let her know I loved her, she would not be the mental basket case she is today. After two weeks I was moved out of the super maximum camera observed cell block to a regular Maximum Security Cell. Same set up but no camera in the cell. It was here that I made the mistake that made defense of my charge much harder. We were allowed out of our cells for a couple hours in the afternoon. Sometimes we were escorted to the gym where there was room to walk lap and hoops to shoot baskets for those who wanted to do that. We also were now escorted in mass to the library to get books. Sometimes we just sat around the dayroom and played cards or shot the bull. It was during one of these sessions that I first saw Jesse Lightfoot. Jesse had his head down and when ask for his name his reply was, "I'm nobody" He was obviously troubled. He sat at the table where I was alone and we started talking. He said what he was charged with was so evil that he could not talk about it. I told him, :"Look,. I'm accused of rubbing my little girl, of eating her pussy, and of having her suck me and dry fuck me so whatever you are accused of it can't top that. Well as I spoke some other inmates came in behind me and were listening intently and later went to the guard claiming I had admitted committing sexual abuse! Do you see an admission in there?" No,I admitted nothing but people hear what they want to hear. So Jesse Lightfoot was a jail house snitch. He got his sentence reduced for helping convict another person. To the best of knowledge Jesse was caught and reported early in his incestuous relationship with his stepdaughter. She was nine at the time and at that time his wife was still backing him against her daughter. Go figure that one out. Because his victim was older than mine and was used to his wrestling with her she didn't need much grooming to end up in a sleeping bag with him where he was caught. Again I will not call him or anyone else who incestuously abuses a daughter or stepdaughter a pedophile. That is a diagnosis only a psychiatrist can make. Again Blair and Rita Justice put the percentage of fathers involved in incestuous relations with their daughters that are Pedophiles at 5% so it's not the right label. Use Incestuous Father instead. After two weeks in the opened Maximum security unit I was transferred to the General Population Unit Ed and given a room on the lower level. Here I met a young man I'd known as the son of Judy Rennet. Judy Rennet had been one of my female student when I was teaching at the Community College back when it was an Institute of Technology. She had always sat right in front of my podium and locked eyes on me. Now consider I taught each group of students for six quarters of a seven quarter program. So for a period of months I had this woman right in front of me for two to three hours a day. My wife had not been taking care of business and this crept into my lectures and when Judy became aware of it she told me. "I get wet down below when you talk about that." I stopped letting my home life drift into my lectures. I did not feel any attraction to Judy. She wasn't pretty and was overweight and had a facial birthmark. Add to this that she was married and you can see a problem. Later, our Montgomery Ward washing machine failed in a way that dumped a tub full of water across our bathroom floor. The linoleum was backed with particle board. This is a composite of sawdust and glue. Water soluble glue!. So when 23 gallons of hot water were dumped from the washer onto the floor, the glue dissolved and the floor got soft, real soft. I mentioned in class I needed to replace a bathroom floor and Judy came up afterward and told me,"My husband is a contractor and he can do it for $75 and the cost of materials." I went home and went to bed and told my wife of her offer in the morning. She ask me who she was so I described Judy to her and she said to set it up if we could do it in a weekend. I took that to Judy that night and she came back the next day and we set it up for the weekend. Early Saturday we took everything out of the bathroom, I thought. Mr. Bennet arrived and said I needed to remove the sink, its cabinet and the toilet and the tub. He helped me pull the tup and toilet and the sink vanity. I can't imagine what our neighbors thought as the tub and sink vanity where carried out the back door of our mobile home and left in the yard. He cut our linoleum and when he pulled up[p the linoleum big chucks of the particle board flooring came up with it! We also could smell sewer gas because the trap that normally keeps that away is in the toilet. So we stuffed a rag into the sewer pipe to keep it out.. We had tongue and groove plywood to replace the water soluble partical board and tore out all the particle board by hand and cut holes in the plywood for the drain and supply lines to the sink, toilet and tub. We put the plywood down after cutting it to fit flush with the walls and nailed it down. We then used a notched trowel to spread linoleum adhesive over the plywood then unrolled the new linoleum then the Bennets went home as we had to wait for the adhesive set they came back the next morning with their daughters. Their oldest was a beautiful young woman just transitioning into adulthood. Judy told me she had married her husband because he made beautiful babies. She also said that daughter had been offered modeling contracts. Well this is years later and I ran into a young detainee who was son-in-law of Judy Bennet. The slender young woman was now up to 220 pounds and he told me Judy now was an alcoholic divorcee living in Arkansas. Sad after paying for an Associate Degree in Electronic Engineering Technology. Another detainee in the jail was the son of close family friend who said he knew the charges were false because my victim was a happy well adjusted child when he had played with her even though I knew that was in the midst of our incestuous affair. He offered to testify to that effect but later reneged under peer pressure from other inmates. I kept trying to tell my attorney I would take a deal to serve a dime instead of the 25 year 85% Mandatory minimum that would have resulted from my being found guilty at trial. He didn't have any enthusiasm for doing that. He came to me with a three counts of third degree sexual abuse to be served consecutively. So he wanted me to do 30 years instead of the 25 year 85% Mandatory minimum . I was not aware at that time of good conduct credit. for prisoners in Iowa prisons. The would have had me incarcerated 22 years and three months. The first deal the county attorney offered would have had me incarcerated for 13 years and 2 months. but my attorney failed to tell me that. So I held out. They came back with 3 counts of third degree sexual abuse with two counts concurrently and one count consecutively. I told him that was not really an improvement. I wanted one for one. I'll accept a single count of third degree sexual abuse to avoid a trial on Second Degree Sexual Abuse. That would be a ten year with no minimum against a twenty-five year with 85% mandatory minimum. During the time I was held one black inmate constantly threatened me and even ran into the lunch room once with a fist extended and stopped only an inch from my nose. He was trying to induce me to attack him so he'd have an excuse to claim self defense. Others wanted me to give them commissary goods and being soft hearted I did do this. It didn't cost much and they didn't threaten me so much as to appeal to my humanity saying,"I'm hungry, I'm so hungry it hurts." So I gave in. Threaten me and you got nothing. Appeal to my charity and love for my fellow man and I'll give you to coat off my back. So even before I as found guilty or took plea bargain people in the jail were judging me guilty on all counts. After some eight months in general population I got tired of sitting around and my attorney came in and offered to set up the deal so a judge would decide whether it was ten or twenty years and only two counts of third degree sexual abuse would be in the paperwork. Considering the abuse lasted nine years from first intimate contact to last above the waist only incident and probably included 200 to 300 individual events I was still getting off pretty lightly. My attorney assured me he would not attack my daughter but said he would go after my wife. So I agreed. It turned out my attorney did not go after my wife at all. Once I agreed to the deal I was immediately sent to Oakdale and would be returned to Waterloo for final sentencing when a judge became available. January 30, 2003 - March 30, 2004 At the time I was sent to prison the Iowa Medical and Classification Center was located in the community of Oakdale, Iowa. Later it was located in Coralville Iowa. No, it didn't move. Oakdale's citizenry decided to dis-incorporate, that is, they decided not to be a town anymore. They were then annexed by Coralville which is adjacent to Iowa City, Iowa where the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics are located. This is where all but one of my victim's surgeries took place because it was where the most expert doctors were for cleft lip and palate. We were transferred from the Black hawk County Jail in a van. The sheriffs went through a gate into a garage. We were dressed in jump suits and had handcuffs on our wrists connected to waist chains and our ankles were likewise shackled. We were taken into an intake area. Weighed and then taken to a cell in a reception block. These are double cells with wall mounted bunks with fire retardant foam mattresses. The other inmate was much younger than me and we talked for a while until they opened the cells to line us up for supper. We went. as a unit, to meals. There we were assigned tables as we came off the line at tables of four with attached seats. These table and seat sets were bolted to the floor. At one meal, they seated Light foot at my table. This man got his 25 year 85% minimum mandatory sentence reduce to 40% minimum mandatory because I offered to testify that I told him I was guilty. I had never said any such thing. I only told him what I'd been accused and stated there was no evidence. This was a reference of physical evidence. My wife having caught us once and my victim's testimony would have been more than enough to make the jury consider me guilty. Iowa Law allows a reduction in sentence for being an informant. Let's explain something about the con code. There is nothing lower than a snitch. That's convict slang for an informant. Now I had no intention on outing him to the other inmates. I would not out him to the other prisoners because that would make me as low as he was. My main concern was he might be afraid of me outing him for snitching me out and lying and try to take me out to preempt that action. had no room to talk about my case. His step daughter at age 9 was in a sleeping bag inside the house he shared with her mother when he allegedly sexually abused her. claimed his stepson did it. incest is said to be more common than incest but is less commonly reported because parents hesitate to bring the case to the police and harness their sons with the label sex offender. I did inform our unit officer that and I should not be seated again at the same table. I explain one of us had received a reduced sentence for snitching out the other one. Since my sentence was tagged as being set by a plea bargain that meant that if they were curious enough to check they would find out which one of us snitched. Three weeks after I arrived at Oakdale, as the convicts called it, I was taken off reception and sent to S unit. R and S are transitional units between reception and general population. So I now had the idea I would be put in General Population at Oakdale. This unit is dormitory styled with four bunks in each room with two rooms separated by a six foot tall concrete block wall. That put sixteen men in close proximity with conversation probable. It was here that I first find out that sex offenders are only three thicknesses of paper above the snitches and those with child victims were only two pieces of paper thickness above the snitch and if the child was his own then he's only one sheet of paper thickness above the snitch. Since my victim was my own child at the time of the abuse that didn't give me any room to maneuver. I kept my mouth shut and told nobody anything. Still the Department of Corrections had a web site that lists what every Iowa Prisoner is in prison for so an inmate can write or call a friend on the outside and find out what all his roommates are in prison for. I did not know that at the time but it was not long before someone found out what I had been sent to prison for and started giving me attitude. They were patient because they wanted to get to general population first. Since all offenders in R and S will go to T unit if they get GPed at Oakdale they knew they could get me there. Still there was the time we had a female guard and while I was in the shower someone came in a stole my clean clothes. Since I'd tossed my dirty clothes in the laundry hamper as I took them off, I was naked and had nothing to put on. I called the guard and before she got too close I did warn her, from behind the wall, that I was totally naked. She said "Wait right there." Duh! Where was I going to go? She went to the second level opened clothing issue and found me a decent jump suit and a pair of briefs. A computer terminal in clothing issue had records of what size took. She returned about five minutes later with the clothing which I accepted with thanks and then left me to get dressed. As I started to come out she told me to "Wait a minute, Higgins" She took the top off the trash can and under a few paper towels found my orange jump suit and said, :"At least now you know what they did with them." She threw the jump suit, brief and socks into the dirty laundry hamper. Then there was the razor sabotage. I shaved one day and had a cut that cut my face opened so it was have covered in blood. The twin blade razor had its top blade bent up on one side so it sliced off my skin with little pain. Thankfully for me the cut was not deep and I did heal up within a week. So the pattern of harassment had started but if I was so optimistic as to stay with a woman who promised sex but rarely delivered I obviously was too optimistic for a cynical place like prison. After two weeks in SE I was transferred to TB unit and was GPed. So now I'm in a room with seven other people who were all inmates on various charges. Anybody who wanted to know what I was in prison for could find out if an outside person they knew had Internet access. I was still unaware of this but slowly becoming aware that other knew too much. Once Jesse Lightfoot was identified as having a possible problem at Oakdale, he was not GPed there. I do not know where they sent him. Once on GP there was a job assignment to be made and the staff decided I was sufficiently non-violent to be trusted with a position in the kitchen. When I write of trust I mean they would allow me to hold a butcher knife to prepare food under light supervision. The knife was used to quickly slice vegetables and bread which was baked in the prison bakery. In February I was transferred to the Polk County Jail for a Termination of Parental Rights Hearing. This is a hearing to divorce a child from its parents. The child, my daughter, was represented by the Children's Law Center of Polk County. This hearing was set aside because the Childrens Law Center was headed by an attorney formerly employed by the Polk County Attorney's Office. Since that office had all the information used to prosecute the offenders and, through discovery, all the defense documents that were used to defend the person that gave her access to more information than she should have in the post she was now in. The Iowa Court of Appeals stated that the Childrens Law Center of Polk County was no longer to defend any child whose case went through any Polk county agency. So this hearing was thrown out because Blackhawk County DHS had handled the original interview with my victim and the Des Moines Police Department had interviewed by self, my wife and my daughter about March 15, 2002 I worked here until I was involved in a fight. The inmate who struck me claimed I was a serial pedophile with many victims instead of an incestuous father with only one. He was following a line newscasters had used saying a typical sex offender violates over 300 victims before he is caught and put in prison. Maybe the fixated Pedophiles who grooms his victim and abuses her and moves on does have that many incestuous fathers love their daughters and only have sex with them because their wife won't. There is another model where the two parents were incestuously abused as children, saw it as pleasurable and want to pass that pleasure on. My case if of the former. I met many men who came from the later group in the treatment groups at Mt. Pleasant Correctional Facility where I would be eight years after this. When I went before the Administrative Law Judge blamed me for the fight saying I should not have defended myself! Both my assailant and I were sentenced to 30 days in the hole. That's what inmates call it. The official title is Disciplinary Detention. I was in unit H. He was in G unit. both of us were single celled. That means there was no cell mates. I did have one though. He was one inch tall about three inches long and had a tail almost as long as his body. He was a mouse. Each morning and evening this rodent would go from cell to cell hoping for a tidbit of food. Even a few crumbs would do the job. So I suspect all the inmates gave him a little. In a place where there is no love even a mouse coming around can become a loving pet. You still get fed the same in hole. You just don't have anyone to talk to and exercise is in a very small outdoor cage, about 5 by 20. You can walk, do pushups and that's about all. It's not really that bad. I can do hole time with ease as long as I can have books. They ran a library cart around every few days and let us each have three books. So I could have that and the chaplain made sure we could have a Bible. So between the Bible and secular books I could keep my mind engaged and keep out of trouble. The difference between H and G is significant. G block has no windows. H block has windows and the barred cells face the officers desk and the area around it. The guards treated me fairly well and I took outdoor exercise anytime it was offered which was every day. At the end of thirty days I was returned to General Population unit T and was assigned now to janitorial work. I was assigned to clean the bathroom on unit V. That unit is where I would go if I could get through 90 days without getting a report. That I recognized as unlikely because of the hatred that many on T unit had for me because of my sexual offense. May 1, 2003 was set as the date for the repeat of the termination of parental rights hearing. This time they did not take me to Des Moines I was connected to the court by telephone and was able to participate via that phone line. The hearing was done and I went back to my room and hoped they would not do it. That is I hoped they would not terminate my parental right to my daughter. On May 2, 2003 I was taken back to Waterloo for final sentencing. The trip was made by van and I was put in the Black Hawk County Jail again to await the hearing. The hearing was held in a court room in the jail house. So I was standing there in my orange jump suit as the lying bitch I had married twenty seven years told the court with a whining cry in her voice that I had destroyed her dream of having a large family. Let's analyze that with full disclosure shall we: My wife had gone on The Pill in April 1975 before our June 7, 1975 wedding. She came off the Pill in April of 1976 and we made love a lot about a week after her period ended and she became pregnant within a month or so. By mutual consent we did not make love during the pregnancy. Our son was born February 3, 1977. When her 44DD breasts did not produce enough milk for the child to nurse she went back on the pill and put the baby on formula. There were some cutoffs in this time but none lasted more than a year at most and often we'd have sex every week or so. She stayed on the birth control pills until the end of 1984. We again had lots of sex a week after her period ended and she was pregnant at the end of February. We made love twice during this pregnancy. My daughter was born October 2, 1985 with a cleft lip and palate that looked a lot like my big brother's cleft lip and palate. The cleft child could not nurse at the breast. We had to cross cut Pur brand nipples so they would drip formula into her mouth to feed her. My wife, Kathi Hunt Higgins, went back on the pill and did not come off it until March 22, 2002 when I moved out of our Des Moines Home.. If you look at my The Cause of Father Daughter Incest page you can see from my daughter's birth in 1985 until we separated in March of 2002 we only made love six times because she refused to make love to me. So who really destroyed her dream of having a large family? I am responsible for the abuse. She is a compulsive liar. She also perjured herself again when she claimed that my son was estranged from us because I had sexually abused him also. That never happened. My son stated for himself that he was estranging himself from us because we fought too much with each other and it sickened him. That was the truth I had told my attorney to have my son at the sentencing to reply to any of the lies I thought my wife might come up with. The fact that he did not have Charles JRE. brought to the hearing would have been sufficient cause for an appeal of the sentence. There is a clause in most plea bargains that if the defendant appeals the sentence he agreed to then they can bring you back and try you on the original charge. When the hearing is full of lies there should be the right to appeal. My victim also perjured herself saying She never asked me. So my victim had learned from her mother how to lie. The Iowa Department of Human Services say they are pro family and want to keep families together. They also prepare girls to testify against their fathers by convincing them their fathers do not love them. Again, if I did not love her why stop when she was becoming even more easy to get to by manipulating her mother out of the house so we could be intimate.? So the hearing was full of lies and my attorney did not even question my wife about the oral contraceptives or the cut off of sex that had been in effect since our daughter had been born. So the hearing was full of lies and the judge gave me the twenty year sentence. I was 49 at the time. Twenty years added to that is 69. No male in my family has lived that long in the last three generations and I did tell that to the judge. I said it would be a life sentence. I'm still astounded that I am now 61 and still have not had a single heart attack. Indeed I had not been back out of the hole for the previous fight for 6 weeks when I was returning from supper one evening when someone behind called out "Hey, Higgins." When I turned around I was immediately punched in the nose which sent my glasses on a ballistic course. Now my vision is about 20:500. That means what a normal person sees at 500 feet I can't see until it is 20 feet away. So once the glasses are gone I'm helpless. He did not hit me again and thanks to my blind condition I could not identify my attacker. Nor did I report it. That would have been snitching. To be honest not everyone shared the opinion that sex offenders all deserved all the violence that you could get away with. I could not see to find my glasses but some other inmates found them and handed them to me. I went back to the unit and tried to forgive and forget the attacker. In my room where seven other inmates including Stacy Ragan who had the body of a bodybuilder. He verbally expressed his hatred to me but would not physically attack me. Other inmates varied from one drug pusher who felt he couldn't condemn me because when school kids came to buy his X he sometimes gave discounts if they gave him a blow job to another one who condemned me because of the harm I brought my victim. I've never denied I was guilty and never denied it did her harm. One of these, a young black man, claimed I was a pedophile and was in my face all the time. The administrators of this prison didn't care if I got beat up in the room. So once when he was hassling me on my upper bunk getting in my face as I was lying down. I sat up and got out from under the blanket and gave him a gentle push with me right foot. He turned and punched me in the face! We settled back down and slept in the same room. I slept well despite the earlier battle. Late the next afternoon I was handed a report for fighting. Someone had told the officers what had happened. The next day I was sent to the ALJ (Administrative Law Judge) and he claimed I had kicked the other inmate! Now I grew up taking tap, ballroom and ballet dancing lessons. The result of this is that my legs are heavily muscled from the ankles to the pelvis. If I kick someone you can bet I will produce bruises, but the ALJ decided the whole thing was my fault. I don't know what they expect me to do when people are constantly in my face and they house a sex offender with a person who was abused as a child. Interestingly the next time I saw my assailant years later he was in PC (Protective Custody) which meant he most likely was a sex offender also. He claimed to be a drug offender but I still was not wise to the fact that the DOC ran a web site where you could find my charges or anyone else's. I did 30 days in the hole for this fight. Since they blamed me I did it in G block where there are not windows. No officer. You are just locked in a cell with a solid steel door and your food comes three times a day through a hatch in the door. They come and get you every other day and let you take a shower and that's all you get in G. No exercise. They still bring a library cart and bring you books and you can have your Bible and do the studies that come in the mail. I must stress that if anyone is doing time they should avail themselves to some of the hundreds of ministries that give Bible studies to inmates. Some of these even sent envelopes with return postage. So the inmate doesn't even have to pay to send them in. It means his only investment is his time and his ink. So I kept my mind busy and exercised my body with sit ups and pushups. I can do hole time fairly easily because there you are isolated and other inmates can't really get to you. When I got out of the hole this time I was returned to a different room on T and a new job assignment in laundry. I was given the job of folding the laundry when it came out of the dryer. There were eight of us doing the folding and while there was some harassment going on it was way less than what had been going on before so it was easy to ignore. I was in this job for sixty days when I got into another fight. This was another kid who thought a sex offender deserved to be beaten to within an inch of his life. He caught my right boot with his left cheek and went to the ALJ with a shiner and told the ALJ he had been minding his own business when I assaulted him. The ALJ had some statements from confidential informants who saw what happened and told the truth and that he had attacked me and I had defended myself. The ALJ questioned me on how come I wasn't bruised and the other guy was. I could only explain my leg strength and my flexibility as being left over from dance lessons in childhood and my legs hit him harder than his fists hit me. I did 30 days in the hole but this time I was in H where we had windows and a visible officer. I also had daily exercise outside walking around the 5 by 25 exercise enclosure. I still did push ups and sit ups in the cell because after a while you'd go stir crazy if you didn't burn off some of the energy you took in at meals. When I got to prison I was given a security classification score that said I could be at a medium security prison. What I did not know was that each fight added another 1 to that score and now I was at 10 which meant I should go to a maximum security prison. You may say it defies common sense to deny a man a right to defend himself but that's how it was done at Oakdale. I go back to T unit and now my job is to dust mop, wet mop and buff the basement floor which is where laundry is. So I was cleaning where I formerly worked. I also cleaned the intake office once or twice a week when the officer felt it needed it. I went three month without a report and was finally transferred up to V unit. On October 1, 2003 I received the decision of the May 1, 2003 hearing to terminate my parental rights. It was the day before my victim's eighteenth birthday which terminated the parental rights by qualifying her as an adult. The date on the paper was November 24, 2003 which was only six days before she would have aged out of my parental control. After I opened it I was visibly hurt and the look on my face said it all. When I went into my room one of the cell mates asked me,"Who died?" I handed him the court's decision and he said,"Man, I'm sorry that has to suck." It would not have had such an effect on me if I had not loved my daughter. It wasn't losing her as a sex partner. It was the fact that her termination of parental rights is a violation of God's commandments. Exodus 20:12 Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. You can't dishonor a parent more than by saying you want to terminate the relationship and all rights they have over you. I never claimed the right to sexually abuse her. She gave me that by asking me to rub her and by initiating all the other incest incidents except possibly the one when I woke her up. For those who claim that parents that abuse do not deserve such honor please contact me on the "About the Author " link on the home page to show me where in Scriptures it says that. You will not find it unless you decide to interpret your own prejudices into what the book actually says. In the General Population units of Oakdale for a unit officer to know where you are if a counselor calls for you or you have a visit you have a card. When you leave you put the card in the slot marked with what time you left the unit. When you return to the unit you take the card with you and put it in your room. Counts are a fact of life in prison. When they do these we all sit up and the officer comes around and counts the men on the unit. If any workers from other units are on the unit at count time the C.O. (Correctional Officer) has discretion to let him stay and work through count or to send him back to his unit for count. So we generally are in the cells for count. Now if you're not on the unit during count your card should be in the card holder near the exit of the unit. But what if you are there and the card is in the card holder? Well that's enough reason to give you a minor report. One of my cell mates in V was also an accused sex offender. He was found guilty in a trial but still denied he was guilty. Only God knows what's true but unknown to me when I went to my cell for count he was taking my card back down and putting it in the rack so I caught the reports. Two of these was enough to send me back to T unit. So within a month of my advancement to V I was demoted back to T. There a young man convicted of joyriding (car theft with a key) was harassing me to no end. I was trying to avoid it but only one grey haired old woman guard cared enough to call him down for it. Her name was Gloria and she herself was a childhood sexual abuse victim. She explained her actions as being fair because she knew I didn't do her when she was child and there was not supposed to be any punishment to me other than being restricted to prison. It really didn't matter. There was a day I was sent to the infirmary and examined by a resident from the University Of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics who informed me he only did exams for people who were being transferred. That was the first I knew I was being transferred. A day later I was put in a van with some other inmates and driven to the Anamosa State Penitentiary. This maximum security prison is surrounded by a thirty foot tall stone wall at least four foot thick at the base. Chapter 15 Anamosa State Penitentiary March 30, 2004 - March 08, 2007 The first place you get put into at the Anamosa State Penitentiary is Orientation. This is in LUA which is an air conditioned building. It has barred cells which may be a a decorative pattern but they are secure make no mistake about it. We were in two man cells that were well ventilated and a guard was stationed out in the day room. We were awakened and taken in mass to the cafeteria where meals were served. We were returned to the living unit and stayed there. In our cells with our cell mates. The toilets are in the cells so you have no privacy.The guards could be of either gender and could stop by anytime they felt like it. God help you if you had a force gay cell mate. You had no way to keep from displaying whatever his particular sexual desire was. My celly was a Mr. White who was black and was also on a sex charge. He had climbed out of bed and put his hand accidently he claimed on his daughter's genitals. He was told by the judge he would be sent direct to treatment and then on to parole. Whatever he thought I doubt it happened that way. After about a week we were taken up to a conference room where we were spoken to by a man best known as T-bone Taylor. T-Bone was also from Waterloo. He had put the entire county (Black Hawk) on edge for forty-eight hours after two Waterloo police officers had arrived at his home to ask him to turn his stereo down. He had met them on the porch and had shot each of them twice. It was a waste of bullets. The first shot killed each of them. So this cop-killer now was going to tell us how to do time. He gave us the usual thing about not getting into debt to anyone, such debts often turned into sexual services to the lender. He also urged us to mind our own business. T-bone was trying to do good to make up for the evil he admitted he had done. Fact is T-Bone had killed two other inmates at the Ft. Madison Penitentiary. After two weeks of being spoon fed prison life in the maximum security prison we were released onto the yard and transferred to the general population unit. We were moved to LUB, Living unit B and now were on a status of waiting for a job. We alternated long days out and long days in. On long days out we were able to move freely about the buildings and yards up until about 5 on short days we were in the cell except for time to go to meals and get mail. This status is called On-call and we were waiting for a job. With 1200 inmates in a prison built for 800 there weren't enough jobs to keep all the men busy. How you move out is dependent on someone getting locked up on a disciplinary report for more than five days. After five days they lose their jobs and someone from on-call takes their place. Here we say fights all the time. In this prison almost five per cent of the population is lifers. Life in Iowa is Life without possibility of parole so they have nothing to lose since Iowa has no death penalty. If a murderer already serving life without parole kills another inmate the only thing he will get is a year in the hole. They don't put them on trial because they are already serving life without parole. My counselor in this prison was the only black man I knew in a white collar job in the prison. His name was Darby Washington who in my humble opinion was a black racist. Black sex offenders were given jobs in shops where pay was higher. Darby would not let me work there because he wanted me to have to face all the other inmates in the prison everyday. So he kept giving me jobs in the dining hall where every body had to come to eat or in laundry return where every inmate had to go to pick up their laundry. This way he was exposing me every day to people who, because I was a sex offender, wanted to take a shot at me. So I had some hole time in this prison too. Being taken to the hole is different here. They run you through a perp walk. So I got to listen to the other inmates saying stuff like, "Hey Higgins is in the hole.","What did he do to come here?" "Probably got caught fucking somebody." Fact of the matter is even masturbating is considered sexual misconduct. Actually have sex with someone else is sexual misconduct punishable by six months in the hole. Verses ninety days for masturbation. I did not want to catch a sentence for that because compulsive sexual activity in prison can get you civilly committed. Iowa has a code provision that allows the permanent civil commitment of any Sexually Violent Predator. Now in incest there is seldom any need for the perpetrator to become violent. His victim, because she loves him, will typically obey if her father wants sex with her. She may object but he can continue grooming her until she decides to cooperate with him. My daughter was conditioned to let her father do anything he wanted to by her mother's neglect and her father's taking over caring for her. Her father loved her enough to take over care of the child. When Sabrina was about a year old a surgical procedure was planned to close her palate. The lip had been closed when she was four months old. At the University of Iowa Hospitals in Iowa City Iowa the parents wait in a surgical waiting room until their child awakes from general anesthesia at which time the parents are summoned to be there for their child as soon as they wake up. On the day of surgery we accompanied her to surgery and then they took her away we went to the waiting room to wait for word. Several hours later they called us and we went up to the recovery room where the kids woke up. As we came out of the elevator alcove I heard the child screaming bloody murder, the nurse trying to calm her and another nurse saying, "We need you in here now. She has the strength of ten men." As I walked rapidly in the direction of my daughter's voice I sense that Kathi my wife in name only had turned back when my daughter vomited a small but large looking amount of blood. She couldn't cope with the gore. I love my daughter enough the gore did not matter. I walked right up to her and took her in my arms. The nurses were concerned that I was wearing a dress shirt. I told them."The shirt doesn't matter compared to her." Sabrina immediately calmed down now that her daddy was holding her. My wife came up and took her out of my arms and Sabrina immediately twisted around and pushed with both her legs which launched my year old daughter through the air toward me. I caught her in mid air and returned her to my shoulder. Her mother had abandoned her in her time of need so she didn't want her mother anymore. Daddy didn't abandon her when she was in pain and angry because she didn't know anyone in the recovery room. Her father loved her without condition despite the fact that she later would ask me to do the unthinkable things with her. So the grooming was as much a matter of her mother's neglect and weakness and her father's unconditional love overcoming his feeling of helplessness when she was in pain. The fact was I was being punished for being assaulted, for possessing white out, or for defending myself or my property. I had lots of radios, tokens (spendable in vending machines in prison) and headphones stolen while I was in this prison because they gave me a thief by the name of Jeff Cue as a cell mate in LUB. Jeff would act like a friend of mine then when I was out he would tell a friend in an adjacent cell where my valuables were stored. We could buy a Master Brand padlock but with our pop being sold to us in cans it was easy to tear up a pop can and use it was a shim to slip the lock. Took only a few seconds. So if someone wanted to steal, they could. Cell were opened on a regular schedule and when I was working there might be one or two cell lines when they would open the doors for a minute. With a lock you could open in a few seconds and a cell mate that could tell you where all the valuables were a minute was all you needed to steal everything the disliked inmate had. For quite a while I'd pick up my commissary on Wednesday and my stuff would all vanish by Friday. Headphones were required if you used your TV and the only portable radio they sold at that time were Walk man type things that required headphones. So headphones were stolen and resold constantly. The more I bought. The more they stole. So I was working on the serving lines which put me in front of every inmate in the whole prison. I received threats mostly when I was serving deserts. An inmate would threaten to beat me up if I didn't give them a double serving. I could be fire for giving a double serving. So I did not give them anything except the serving I was suppose to give them. No body actually assaulted me on duty. I did have one guy push me away from the pop machine where I was filling a plastic glass with Diet Coke. Fortunately this was observed by a guard who saw what happened and took the guy to hole. I had not fought back and did not get in trouble. One guard wanted to lock me up anyway but the guard that saw it said."Higgins didn't do anything. He was minding his own business when he was pushed away and pop spilled over his tray. " They gave me another tray and I sat down and shakily ate my meal. I say shakily because my hands had a visible shake that was a result of adrenaline released during the altercation. I had to exert a Mr. Spock level of control but I still had trouble controlling my pituitary gland which was triggering the adrenal glands to prepare me to fight or flight. After I had gone to the hole once I was shifted to the dish room where dirty dishes were taken by inmates after the meal. If I was on the window I would often have an inmate push a stack of trays over the ledge into my chest when we were struggling to keep up with the outflow of inmates. Then they gave me early outs which meant I woke up before most other inmates and let out to help serve breakfast. So I was back into the serving line. This was good pay. $2.36 a day. The minimum wage laws hold no sway in Iowa prisons. Once again I was facing all the inmates who ate breakfast. This wasn't as much of a problem as lunch or supper since there was no desert. Some still tried to intimidate me which just stiffened my resolve to stand strong. Eventually someone uttered a threat against me in front of a friend of mine who did not realize they would lock me up to keep me safe. That's right they may or may not punish the person who uttered a threat but would lock up the threatened one. It's called protective custody and your better off in the hole than in PC. PC gets normal rations in the cell. Up in the hole which is on the third floor of LUD. The supper meal was double rations in the hole but PC just got single rations like you'd get in the cafeteria. So my counselor kept me in there even though I did not want PC. Had not ask for PC and was not afraid. For a Christian being killed in prison holds no terror. I know Jesus saved me on October 1, 1996 and that if they killed me it was because it was His will to take me home to Him. Pain was something else. I am not a masochist despite the fact that had stayed in very had marriage long beyond any rational hope. I loved her. She did not love me. But please remember the Catholic teaching of that time that did not allow divorce under any circumstances. That was part of the knowledge I absorbed as a child that still seemed true from what the Bible seemed to say. So I was PC for three weeks before they offered to release me if I would sign a statement that I was not afraid. So they released me and since I'd been locked up too long I'd been replaced on the early serving line I was returned to on-call. In fact each time I got a major and spent time in the hole I was returned to on-call and had to wait idle until a job came opened. My counselor was still requiring me to be exposed to every inmate in the prison so now I was returned to laundry return. Here some people would come in just to hassle Higgins. They'd sit there and call me Huggies or Pedophile or whatever they thought up. I'd retreat to the back of the laundry room then and read a book until they decided they weren't going to get a pay off by my getting mad and starting a fight. I had been in a laundry claim room for a week when some of the other workers would not let me deliver or pick up clothes in the last couple of rows of laundry bins. This was because these men were acting as lookouts for other workers who were receiving blow jobs as payment for debts or simply because some gay guy had an oral fixation. I had been housed with some gays who would offer their mouths or their asses for my use but I didn' t want them. I'm not gay. Not even in prison where I can't get laid by a woman I still refuse this outlet that the Bible called an abomination before God. That is the strongest word used for any sin in the Bible. So regardless of the political correct movement says God says it is sin and that settles the question for anyone who believes the Bible is the word of God. One pair of inmates kept coming into the laundry pickup room and giving me crap. Eventually I was fed up with these young (<24 Years old) who thought they knew everything about life. Having spent six years at Hawkeye Institute of Technology teaching young people electronics I knew they would not go away until I put them in their place. So one day I flat out told them they needed to mind their own damn business that they never spent years teaching people how to make a living in electronics or counting people for a census to determine how many representatives Iowa would have in Congress and until they did something in service to someone other than themselves they had no right to talk to me as they were. They were left speechless. A few days later one of them came into the laundry room and as we were sorting the incoming laundry he came around the back of the D and E bins as I was delivering laundry to the bins in E and F. He started hitting me in the face. The man was a known killer. He had been hungry and broke so he called Pizza Hut and ordered a Pizza to be delivered. When the delivery man came he hit the delivery man in the head with his hammer, killing him instantly. When the Pizza delivery man did not return to the restaurant they tried reach him on his cell phone and it went to voice mail. They became concerned and called the police. The police went to the restaurant and took the delivery list and started to follow the delivery man's route. When they found his car in front of the house they went and knocked on the door. The guy answered the door and let them in with the body still lying on the living room floor where he had fallen dead. When asked why he killed him the murderer said,"I was hungry." Now this young killer was punching me in the face and I slowly backed him out of the blind area into the sight of the supervising officer. What as idiot he just kept on hitting me and after I had him all the way back to where I and other sorters picked up clothes to deliver them to the individual bins eventually after between 12 and 16 good punches I went down. He kicked me a few times but didn't have the leg strength to really do any damage. And without a hammer to multiply his power he could not kill me. When I went down some of my coworkers told the guy to get off me and after that I don't remember what happened but the officer squeezed his Walkie Talking and said Assistance Needed in Laundry Recovery. which brought the Trauma Team in to handcuff the perpatator and the nurses to treat his victim. Me. So I was brought a wheelchair and put in it as I regain consciousness. They tried to carry it up the outdoor stairs. Laundry pickup was in a basement. But I and the chair was too heavy for even three officers to lift. With the extra food I had in the hole and the boredom I had experienced I had built myself up to 200 pounds and was strong enough I could have whipped the kid but then I'd be in the hole. I was locked securely in the infirmary with one eye swelled shut and the other half closed from swelling. I was able to read in the infirmary with a single eye and the people there had compassion for me as I ran through their library. An investigator came by and I told them what happened that morning in the laundry pickup room. When I got out I found out my assailant had been put in the hole for six months. I was returned to the job as soon as the bruises and swelling healed. People were surprised to see me and ask me how I avoided hole time. I ask them if they say me defend myself. They had to admit I had not. I knew fighting him would have gotten me locked up win or lose was of no matter to the guards of the Anamosa State Penitentiary.. When the six months of my assailants hole time came to an end my counselor called me to his office and told me he was sending me to Clarinda. I objected to this because at that time my sister was coming up quarterly for visits from Peoria, Illinois. Oakdale and Anamosa are both in Eastern Iowa a relatively short drive from Peoria. But Clarinda was in the Southwestern Corner of Iowa. It takes nearly five hours to traverse Iowa East to West and now almost the whole state separated me from from my sister and her husband. March 8, 2007 - October 8. 2009 FacebookTwitterEmailPrintCompact 0 I had hoped to be transferred to Mt. Pleasant but they sent me to Clarinda which is about far away from my Sister and Brother-in-Law as you can be and still be in Iowa. Here was reunited with friends I had met at Anamosa like Tim Walker, Ron Wheeler, Daniel Miller and Scott Mankin all of whom I had played Canasta with at Anamosa. Ron, Scott and Daniel and I were on North 4 while Tim was on North 3. Ron Slaughter was my roommate. He was there for theft. To show how messed up the legal is in Iowa Ron was charged with steeling about $300 worth of stuff but after he went to prison the victim claimed to have also lost a $3000 ring. So besides his fines, court costs and $300 to compensate his victim they added another $3000 to the money he owed after he went to prison. This prison was less stressful an Anamosa. Here if you starting giving a sex offender garbage the guards would tell you to stop. This only worked if the guard overheard it. So when a guy sits at the table I'm at and reads a poem about anybody who has sex with a child should get a bullet in the head you have to take it if it quiet enough the guard did not hear it. I get a job cleaning the unit to start with. I stay at for a while and do clean up twice a day. They do close the dayroom when we do this so there is no interference with our cleaning. I join a key boarding class to pass the time. My typing is down to about 20 words a minute so I can us the class to get back up to speed. Fues is an inmate who wants to hassle me constantly. Claims I'm a predator. As I say elsewhere on this site Incestuous Fathers are not predators we do what we do because of unmet needs and in my case my victim heard of my need and decided to fulfill it. I'd been walking to keep fit since Oakdale (Iowa Medical and Classifalation Center) and while my rate at 3 mph was considered fast there I got up to 4 miles per hour while walking at Anamosa and I continue that here at Clarinda. I got up to 4.88 miles per hour walking here. Shaun Goodwin is here on credit card fraud and he can keep up with me though I does not have the ability to go for 8 miles at 4 miles per hour. I get in transferee from household to dock crew. Clarinda Correctional Facility has no kitchen. Our food is prepared at the minimal security center called The Lodge and it put in insulated containers and trucked over. We unload the trucks and put the foot on carts which we then wheel to the units. The meals are eaten on the units here. Rooms are 2 and 3 men units. When I can I use library Computers to write the motions for the property I suspect my wife did not surrender to my attorney per orders of the court on our divorce. These judge refuse to give the stuff even though the law of Iowa says it is mine. My mechanical tools including a torque wrench were not given to him even though I had those tools before I even knew my future wife existed. Back in 1968 shortly before my sixteenth birthday my father wanted to see if I had learned anything reading the Mechanix Illustrated and Popular Mechanics. He has a 4 Door 1962 Plymouth up on blocks in the yard and it won't start. He tells me if I can make it go it will be my car. He doesn't think you can learn to be a mechanic by reading. I saw the gaskets in carburetor were leaking so I orders some tools from JC Whitney in Chicago and get tools and instruments and I use them to set the points, set the timing, and rebuild the carb. Three weeks after issuing his challenge he came home from work to see the old Plymouth running at a steady idle. He called Bitzer's. They were the Chrysler and Dodge dealer in Salem, Illinois and he talked to Smitty the head mechanic to ask him how much I had him do. Smitty set him straight. The only thing I'd ask him for were specs. That is what the spark gap should be on plugs. and points and the float in the card. Smitty never had to touch the car. Dad was impressed.The car ran well. I took it with me to St. Louis when I got my license I street raced with Chevelle SS396's and won half the time. That's not bad for a 190 horsepower 318 fat block. I did not meet Kathi Hunt until 1973 and did not date her until January 22, 1974 which was the day she turned 18. Back then the drinking age was 18. So I had bought her her first drink and danced a little though I've never enjoyed fast dancing. Back to Clarinda, I help unload the trucks and reload the empty container back on after the meals. We also unload the commissary truck with its boxes and we take those to the commissary and stack them up. I'm the oldest guy on the dock and one of the smallest. But many of the young people don't know how to lift anything but a barbell. They know how to work out but do not know how to work. I get tired of these fools thinking they they can out work me when they are half my 56 years This is the 2008 election year. Mc Cain vs Obama. Mc Cain's running mate is the lovely Sarah Palen. She also very smart and has been governor of Alaska for a few years which gives her more experience that Obama. But Obama being black in this day and age is an advantage. Sarah though seems to attract huge crowds wherever she speaks. I went to hole for something.and when I got out they put me in a room with Scott Mankin. Living with him is different from being friends on the yard or dayroom. He keeps telling me we are going to fight. I'm a fairly fit 180 pounds. Scott is about 325 pounds and not that much of it is fat.. I do not fight friends. Hell, I don't even fight enemies. I trust in God. Scott claims to believe but hangs on to his anger. His mother sexually abused him as a child. He found it pleasurable and married a woman of similar background. She though take the Party girl route. He has sex with his wife and when she's on her period she sucks him off. Once his daughter walked in on one of these sessions. She asked her mother what cum tasted like and her mother said it was sweet creme. The mother wants to start sex with her son so she tells Scott to let the daughter suck him as a tradeoff. He goes to prison for 50 years with an 85 per cent minimum and she got off scott free. This even though while Scott was doing oral sex with his daughter she was doing oral sex with her son right next to him. This is a problem in Iowa. Females abusers are seldom prosucuted. Inmate Fues who likes to give crap to me as a sex offender has the gaul to ask me to give him my dessert. Sorry. No Way. I rather throw it away than give it someone who has made in clear he is no friend of mine. Since I caught a major and went to hole I'm off the dock and doing unit cleaning again. No problem but Fues is on the same crew. I'm sweeping dust into a dust pan when Fues walks up and drops his rubber gloves right in front of me. The guard saw it and told him to come back and pick them up and put them in the trash. I do not think he know Fues and I have a history at this prison. Using a library computer to send a motion for my property again when I hear an inmate complain that the sex offenders have all the computers. Well, I sent a kite (paper memo) requesting the use of the computer. He could have to. But he expects to just walk in and get one with not appointment or prior notice. This is prison and most all of us are here for doing something stupidly selfish. I learned better than that before I came. This man did not. At typing class some ot the teaching assistants are playing music through the speakers on their computers. Since the typing tutor program uses sounds we are to use headphones in class. Should not the assistance have to follow the same rules we have to follow. Music distracts the typing students. I want to get to 50 wpm and I'm up to 45 right now. This is September of 2008 and I'm missing my ex-wife. Can't figure why. It's been 10 years since we last made love. Maybe that's it though why did I not miss her in September of 2002, 2003, 2004. 2005, 2006, or 2007? On September 10 Ron Wheeler tells me that at about 8PM tonight I'll be told to pack up my stuff and prepare to be transferred to Mt. Pleasant. That is the only prison in Iowa that has a Sex Abusers Treatment Program. That will likely be my last prison before I get out. But Ron may go on about his connections in the prison system. He really does not know at eight o'clock comes and goes and we go to bed at ten and nobody told me to pack out. So Ron was wrong again. My TV is giving me trouble. It shuts off by itself after a period of time. At first I think it overheating though Clarinda is air conditioned. I think the X-ray circuit is what is killing it.. Won't matter when I get out digital are the new standard and this one is analog. I'm watching news and Wall Street is going down hard this time. Has not been this much blood letting since 1929. Legman Brothers is broke and telling people that work there to clean out their desks. Merrill Lynch which is Bullish on America is rescued by Bank of America. American International Group is going down too. But wait, the government says they are "too big to fail" and rescues them. More deficit and General Motors and Chrysler also need to be bailed out so the government is going to save them too. Ford says it will work out its problems. This cannot help the Republican Party. George W. Bush is president for another 5 or 6 months and as the incumbent he will be held responsible. I get a letter from US Bank that my wife is being foreclosed on. According to our divorce she is to get the house and the mortgage. I should not be held accountable but Rodney Ryan says his health will not allow him to help me with this case but I should not spend any money since the divorce degree says she owes it not me. Fannie May and Freddy Mac are broke. These are government agency that stand behind mortgages. If they are broke its because people are supposed to pay their mortgages and some like my ex aren't doing it. Not surprising, some thought if Obama was elected they would not have to pay thier mortgage. There is no free lunch. The more the government borrows the less there is for the rest of us. And if they print more just to cover deficit spending that will create inflation. September 23 I take a typing test or a series of them. I'm below 30 wpm when the top row comes into play. But two tests come out at 45 words per minute so I'm getting closer despite the fact that lately half our clases where called off. When we go to class today the IBM's are gone and we have HP/Compaq running Windows XP. Buzz, my brother on the outside, says it is way different than the Windows I knew on the ourside. The computer I'm typing this on is a Dell Inspiron running Windows XP and it's not so different from 95 that I can't do the same stuff with it I used to to use Windows 95 for. My cellmates bitch that I won't clean the cell at noon or at 7:30AM. They say it is the time to clean. There is no established time to clean and I listen to Paul Harvey news at those two times. The morning newscast is 5 minutes and noon one is 15 minutes. You'd think they'd wait long enough for Mr. Harvey to finish but no. They do during Paul Harvey and bitch at me for not doing it on their schedule and they say I have control issues. The TV stations in Omaha are reporting that Iowa's 2000 foot law is creating colonies of sex offenders living in hotels along I-80. Lots of people want to change the law but these laws are popular becaue people feel safer with them in effect. They actually do not do any good. If an offender wants to reoffend he will get in his car and go re-offend. To explain it a bit more I can walk at a speed of 4 miles per hour for up to 2 hours.Four miles per hour is twenty-one thousand one hundred and twenty feet per hour. Calculating it out I can walk 2000 feet in five minutes and forty-one seconds. That not much of a deturrant is it? My television is useless. It works less than one out of four times trying to run it on. It's an RCA (Really Crappy Apparatus) Outside if you have a bed experience with a product you buy a differnent brand next time. Can't do that in prison RCA is what our commisary handles so that is what I'll get if I decide to get a new one. I'm reading more books and listening to the radio a lot more. Have to keep the mind engaged in something. I received my certificate for Biblical Truths in Depth from Crossroad Bible Institute of Grand Rapids, Michigan. My next course with them will be Christian Worldview I. The text for this is Chuck Colson's "How Now Shall We Live?" I have to send in an application for this course. Crossroad Bible Institute is the only Bible Study that has taken me about a year for each course. All the others bit the dust in seven months or so with certificates for courses every few weeks. Crossroad courses are more in depth and thought provoking than any others I've taken. I take a count and I have more than 120 certiciates so far. and I also have Rock of Ages sending me a verse by verse study so I'm getting a lot of Bible studies done and learning a lot. October 8, 2008 I finally get the only transfer I've ever wanted. I'm put in a jump suit, hand cuffs locked to a waist chain and shackles at my ankles and get put in a van for the trip almost all the way accrossed Iowa. Clarinda is one county east of the Missouri river which forms Iowa's western border. Mt. Pleasant is one county away from the Mississippi River which is the Eastern Border of Iowa. So this is a long trip down Highway US 34. They have to refuel the van once in route. But I've finally where I'll be able to get some treatment. Clarinda Correctional Facility March 8, 2007 - October 8. 2009 I had hoped to be transferred to Mt. Pleasant but they sent me to Clarinda which is about far away from my Sister and Brother-in-Law as you can be and still be in Iowa. Here was reunited with friends I had met at Anamosa like Tim Walker, Ron Wheeler, Daniel Miller and Scott Mankin all of whom I had played Canasta with at Anamosa. Ron, Scott and Daniel and I were on North 4 while Tim was on North 3. Ron Slaughter was my roommate. He was there for theft. To show how messed up the legal is in Iowa Ron was charged with steeling about $300 worth of stuff but after he went to prison the victim claimed to have also lost a $3000 ring. So besides his fines, court costs and $300 to compensate his victim they added another $3000 to the money he owed after he went to prison. This prison was less stressful an Anamosa. Here if you starting giving a sex offender garbage the guards would tell you to stop. This only worked if the guard overheard it. So when a guy sits at the table I'm at and reads a poem about anybody who has sex with a child should get a bullet in the head you have to take it if it quiet enough the guard did not hear it. I get a job cleaning the unit to start with. I stay at for a while and do clean up twice a day. They do close the dayroom when we do this so there is no interference with our cleaning. I join a key boarding class to pass the time. My typing is down to about 20 words a minute so I can us the class to get back up to speed. Fues is an inmate who wants to hassle me constantly. Claims I'm a predator. As I say elsewhere on this site Incestuous Fathers are not predators we do what we do because of unmet needs and in my case my victim heard of my need and decided to fulfill it. I'd been walking to keep fit since Oakdale (Iowa Medical and Classifalation Center) and while my rate at 3 mph was considered fast there I got up to 4 miles per hour while walking at Anamosa and I continue that here at Clarinda. I got up to 4.88 miles per hour walking here. Shaun Goodwin is here on credit card fraud and he can keep up with me though I does not have the ability to go for 8 miles at 4 miles per hour. I get in transferee from household to dock crew. Clarinda Correctional Facility has no kitchen. Our food is prepared at the minimal security center called The Lodge and it put in insulated containers and trucked over. We unload the trucks and put the foot on carts which we then wheel to the units. The meals are eaten on the units here. Rooms are 2 and 3 men units. When I can I use library Computers to write the motions for the property I suspect my wife did not surrender to my attorney per orders of the court on our divorce. These judge refuse to give the stuff even though the law of Iowa says it is mine. My mechanical tools including a torque wrench were not given to him even though I had those tools before I even knew my future wife existed. Back in 1968 shortly before my sixteenth birthday my father wanted to see if I had learned anything reading the Mechanix Illustrated and Popular Mechanics. He has a 4 Door 1962 Plymouth up on blocks in the yard and it won't start. He tells me if I can make it go it will be my car. He doesn't think you can learn to be a mechanic by reading. I saw the gaskets in carburetor were leaking so I orders some tools from JC Whitney in Chicago and get tools and instruments and I use them to set the points, set the timing, and rebuild the carb. Three weeks after issuing his challenge he came home from work to see the old Plymouth running at a steady idle. He called Bitzer's. They were the Chrysler and Dodge dealer in Salem, Illinois and he talked to Smitty the head mechanic to ask him how much I had him do. Smitty set him straight. The only thing I'd ask him for were specs. That is what the spark gap should be on plugs. and points and the float in the card. Smitty never had to touch the car. Dad was impressed.The car ran well. I took it with me to St. Louis when I got my license I street raced with Chevelle SS396's and won half the time. That's not bad for a 190 horsepower 318 fat block. I did not meet Kathi Hunt until 1973 and did not date her until January 22, 1974 which was the day she turned 18. Back then the drinking age was 18. So I had bought her her first drink and danced a little though I've never enjoyed fast dancing. Back to Clarinda, I help unload the trucks and reload the empty container back on after the meals. We also unload the commissary truck with its boxes and we take those to the commissary and stack them up. I'm the oldest guy on the dock and one of the smallest. But many of the young people don't know how to lift anything but a barbell. They know how to work out but do not know how to work. I get tired of these fools thinking they they can out work me when they are half my 56 years This is the 2008 election year. Mc Cain vs Obama. Mc Cain's running mate is the lovely Sarah Palen. She also very smart and has been governor of Alaska for a few years which gives her more experience that Obama. But Obama being black in this day and age is an advantage. Sarah though seems to attract huge crowds wherever she speaks. I went to hole for something.and when I got out they put me in a room with Scott Mankin. Living with him is different from being friends on the yard or dayroom. He keeps telling me we are going to fight. I'm a fairly fit 180 pounds. Scott is about 325 pounds and not that much of it is fat.. I do not fight friends. Hell, I don't even fight enemies. I trust in God. Scott claims to believe but hangs on to his anger. His mother sexually abused him as a child. He found it pleasurable and married a woman of similar background. She though take the Party girl route. He has sex with his wife and when she's on her period she sucks him off. Once his daughter walked in on one of these sessions. She asked her mother what cum tasted like and her mother said it was sweet creme. The mother wants to start sex with her son so she tells Scott to let the daughter suck him as a tradeoff. He goes to prison for 50 years with an 85 per cent minimum and she got off scott free. This even though while Scott was doing oral sex with his daughter she was doing oral sex with her son right next to him. This is a problem in Iowa. Females abusers are seldom prosucuted. Inmate Fues who likes to give crap to me as a sex offender has the gaul to ask me to give him my dessert. Sorry. No Way. I rather throw it away than give it someone who has made in clear he is no friend of mine. Since I caught a major and went to hole I'm off the dock and doing unit cleaning again. No problem but Fues is on the same crew. I'm sweeping dust into a dust pan when Fues walks up and drops his rubber gloves right in front of me. The guard saw it and told him to come back and pick them up and put them in the trash. I do not think he know Fues and I have a history at this prison. Using a library computer to send a motion for my property again when I hear an inmate complain that the sex offenders have all the computers. Well, I sent a kite (paper memo) requesting the use of the computer. He could have to. But he expects to just walk in and get one with not appointment or prior notice. This is prison and most all of us are here for doing something stupidly selfish. I learned better than that before I came. This man did not. At typing class some ot the teaching assistants are playing music through the speakers on their computers. Since the typing tutor program uses sounds we are to use headphones in class. Should not the assistance have to follow the same rules we have to follow. Music distracts the typing students. I want to get to 50 wpm and I'm up to 45 right now. This is September of 2008 and I'm missing my ex-wife. Can't figure why. It's been 10 years since we last made love. Maybe that's it though why did I not miss her in September of 2002, 2003, 2004. 2005, 2006, or 2007? On September 10 Ron Wheeler tells me that at about 8PM tonight I'll be told to pack up my stuff and prepare to be transferred to Mt. Pleasant. That is the only prison in Iowa that has a Sex Abusers Treatment Program. That will likely be my last prison before I get out. But Ron may go on about his connections in the prison system. He really does not know at eight o'clock comes and goes and we go to bed at ten and nobody told me to pack out. So Ron was wrong again. My TV is giving me trouble. It shuts off by itself after a period of time. At first I think it overheating though Clarinda is air conditioned. I think the X-ray circuit is what is killing it.. Won't matter when I get out digital are the new standard and this one is analog. I'm watching news and Wall Street is going down hard this time. Has not been this much blood letting since 1929. Legman Brothers is broke and telling people that work there to clean out their desks. Merrill Lynch which is Bullish on America is rescued by Bank of America. American International Group is going down too. But wait, the government says they are "too big to fail" and rescues them. More deficit and General Motors and Chrysler also need to be bailed out so the government is going to save them too. Ford says it will work out its problems. This cannot help the Republican Party. George W. Bush is president for another 5 or 6 months and as the incumbent he will be held responsible. I get a letter from US Bank that my wife is being foreclosed on. According to our divorce she is to get the house and the mortgage. I should not be held accountable but Rodney Ryan says his health will not allow him to help me with this case but I should not spend any money since the divorce degree says she owes it not me. Fannie May and Freddy Mac are broke. These are government agency that stand behind mortgages. If they are broke its because people are supposed to pay their mortgages and some like my ex aren't doing it. Not surprising, some thought if Obama was elected they would not have to pay thier mortgage. There is no free lunch. The more the government borrows the less there is for the rest of us. And if they print more just to cover deficit spending that will create inflation. September 23 I take a typing test or a series of them. I'm below 30 wpm when the top row comes into play. But two tests come out at 45 words per minute so I'm getting closer despite the fact that lately half our clases where called off. When we go to class today the IBM's are gone and we have HP/Compaq running Windows XP. Buzz, my brother on the outside, says it is way different than the Windows I knew on the ourside. The computer I'm typing this on is a Dell Inspiron running Windows XP and it's not so different from 95 that I can't do the same stuff with it I used to to use Windows 95 for. My cellmates bitch that I won't clean the cell at noon or at 7:30AM. They say it is the time to clean. There is no established time to clean and I listen to Paul Harvey news at those two times. The morning newscast is 5 minutes and noon one is 15 minutes. You'd think they'd wait long enough for Mr. Harvey to finish but no. They do during Paul Harvey and bitch at me for not doing it on their schedule and they say I have control issues. The TV stations in Omaha are reporting that Iowa's 2000 foot law is creating colonies of sex offenders living in hotels along I-80. Lots of people want to change the law but these laws are popular becaue people feel safer with them in effect. They actually do not do any good. If an offender wants to reoffend he will get in his car and go re-offend. To explain it a bit more I can walk at a speed of 4 miles per hour for up to 2 hours.Four miles per hour is twenty-one thousand one hundred and twenty feet per hour. Calculating it out I can walk 2000 feet in five minutes and forty-one seconds. That not much of a deturrant is it? My television is useless. It works less than one out of four times trying to run it on. It's an RCA (Really Crappy Apparatus) Outside if you have a bed experience with a product you buy a differnent brand next time. Can't do that in prison RCA is what our commisary handles so that is what I'll get if I decide to get a new one. I'm reading more books and listening to the radio a lot more. Have to keep the mind engaged in something. I received my certificate for Biblical Truths in Depth from Crossroad Bible Institute of Grand Rapids, Michigan. My next course with them will be Christian Worldview I. The text for this is Chuck Colson's "How Now Shall We Live?" I have to send in an application for this course. Crossroad Bible Institute is the only Bible Study that has taken me about a year for each course. All the others bit the dust in seven months or so with certificates for courses every few weeks. Crossroad courses are more in depth and thought provoking than any others I've taken. I take a count and I have more than 120 certiciates so far. and I also have Rock of Ages sending me a verse by verse study so I'm getting a lot of Bible studies done and learning a lot. October 8, 2008 I finally get the only transfer I've ever wanted. I'm put in a jump suit, hand cuffs locked to a waist chain and shackles at my ankles and get put in a van for the trip almost all the way accrossed Iowa. Clarinda is one county east of the Missouri river which forms Iowa's western border. Mt. Pleasant is one county away from the Mississippi River which is the Eastern Border of Iowa. So this is a long trip down Highway US 34. They have to refuel the van once in route. But I've finally where I'll be able to get some treatment. Mt. Pleasant Correctional Facility Mt. Pleasant Correctional Facility October 8, 2009 - August 4, 2011 I guess I should explain why I had, each time I was transferred, I had asked to be sent to the Mt. Pleasant Correctional Facility. The reason was simple: Nobody in their right mind wants to stay in prison, so every inmate wants to be paroled before discharge. Regardless of how much an inmate studies the Bible, no matter how long before he came to prison the abuse stopped, no sex offender is released on parole unless he successfully compleats treatment. Mt. Pleasant Correctional Facility is the only prison with a full Sex Offender Treatment Program. There were little Sex Offender Counseling Programs offered at Anamosa and I did take it. But completing it did not improve the odds of getting an early transfer to Mt. Pleasant for treatment. Darby Washington would not even consider an early transfer for me though many black sex offenders were sent earlier in their sentences than I was. In the end it didn't make much difference. The management at Mt. Pleasant is so dysfunctional it never allowed an offender to get into treatment until it was within two years of his discharge. Now in the last chapter I mentioned that my wife and I had settled in Mt. Pleasant Iowa after the wedding. I worked at Motorola and Moonlighted at Metromail. At the time the Motorola plant was in a rented facility just North of the railroad tracks and East of the Amtrak station. That's right, the Amtrak rail through Iowa does not serve the populated cities like Iowa City, Des Moines and Council Bluffs. It runs South so it goes through a string of small towns like Burlington, Mt. Pleasant, Fairfield, Ottumwa and so on. Yes, there really is an Ottumwa, Iowa. It was mentioned constantly by the character Radar O'Rielly in the popular TV series MASH. How this prison came to be in Mt. Pleasant is another short story. When my wife and I live here that facility was the Southeast Iowa Mental Health Institute. It was run by the Department of Human Services. DHS also ran the prison system in Iowa at that time. In the mid nineteen seventies the State of Iowa decided DHS was too busy tending to all the dysfunctional families in the state to also control the outcome of those families: the criminal population. So they built a brand new bureaucracy to run the prisons. This was the Department of Corrections. With the development of the new Department some personell transferred from the DHS to the D.O.C.. Some facilities were also transferred and Mt Pleasant was one of them. They did not close the Mental Health Institute. They just ran it as a prison too! There was controversy in the city over the placement of a prison in the small town of Mt. Pleasant, population 7,000 people. Some felt that the presence of a prison in their working class community would endanger the lifestyle of the community. These concerns were brought before the D.O.C. and the D.O.C. promised in the local newspaper that they would not house any person in the Mt,. Pleasant Prison that had harmed a person. They would all be burglars, or drug offenders not murderers, rapists and assaultive people who beat on other people. At that time there was Sex Offender Treatment at the Iowa Medical and Classification Center in Oakdale. Oakdale at the time was a small prison with only enough room for 400 inmates. As more sex offenses were reported as society became more connected Oakdale was overloaded with people needing SOTP, that is Sex Offender Treatment Program. So the D.O.C. decided they needed another place to treat sex offenders. Forgetting their promise to the people of Mt. Pleasant they decided to start a new Sex Offender Treatment Program in the Mt. Pleasant Correctional Facility. So now every sex offender from predators who lure children away from playgrounds and then sexual abuse them to the men who accidently put their hand on their daughter while climbing out of bed are now to be treated at Mt. Pleasant. Sometime after the birth of my daughter in 1985 the SOTP program at Oakdale was discontinued. It was shut down because people working the program lost interest in working with the predators and the incestuous fathers and other perverts and retired and left. So as people retired they cut off the program and then we ended up where we were when I got to Mt. Pleasant. When I got there I was placed on unit 1A which is an intake unit. About a week after I got there and had my bearings I saw a posting on the bulletin board wanting people to sign up for treatment. I went to John Clark, my counselor on this unit, and ask about getting put into the treatment program. He told me it was already filled to capacity and I'd have to wait until the next cycle. Why transfer me if I wasn't going to go into treatment? I had been interviewed by what the D.O.C. calls a psychologist. I use that phrase because these men have little or no formal training in treatment or counseling. They are often guards who want to really help the inmates so the D.O.C. lets them try to do it. They would never be able to practice as counselors in the private sector. I also took a test over my sexual history and the nature of my offense. These were used to assign the offenders to one of three programs. Here is the SORUS. The primary evaluation instrument that MPCF (Mount Pleasant Correctional Facility) uses to decide how much treatment a sex offender needs. The program is directed by Mrs. Gail Huckins. Mrs. Huckins is an adult survivor of child hood sexual abuse who now uses her position to take revenge on sex offenders by making the programs harder to get through and by acting as a tyrant over all. She established each of the three programs they use but then tells the parole board the short program is too short to rehabiliate the offender. SORUS How old are you? How long was your relationship with the victim? Was violence used to force the victim? Have you any record of previous violence? Have you any prior record of sexual offenses? How many times have you been convicted or made a plea bargain in court? Do you have any convictions for noncontact sexual offenses? Was the victim a relative? Were they a stranger? Same-sex victim? These ten question are based somewhat on the findings of a 1997 United States Department of Justice report on the Recidivism of Sex Offenders. This report made news because an often repeated statistic is that Sex Offenders have a recidivism rate over 80%. The trouble with this statistic is that it is a lie! The study in 1997 involved about 100,000 inmates released in the year 1994 of which about 10,000 were sex offenders tracking down where they were and what they were doing. There were several new things buried in the tables. Shocking Facts from the 1997 Federal Study The actual measured recidivism rate of sex offenders overall after three years in society was 5.5% The actual measured recidivism rate of child molesters after three years in society was 3.3% Nearly half of all the sex offenders commited their offense against a relative. Offenders over 45 years of age had only half the recidivism of inmates below that age. If an offender had 15 prior convictions for other crimes he was twcommittedikely to commit a sex offense as someone with no prior conviction. The actual recidivism rate of adult on adult sex offenders is 6.9% The data was gathered over 15 states for this study and it is available on line including from the recidivism link on the home page of this site. The evaluation of the SORUS to assign an offender to the short, medium or long program is based on a point system: Short Program Medium Program Long Program Long Program/w MDS eval. 0-1 2-3 4-5 6-10 Here is the evaluation of the test for points Younger than 24 add one point. Relationship with victim shorter than 2 years add a point. Used violence to get sex add a point. Prior sexual violence add a point If 1 program mediumxual offenses add 1 point, if 3 to 5 add 2 points, if more than 6 add 4 points. If sentenced more thprogram longadd a point Prior convictions for non-contact sexual offenses add 1 point. An unrelated victim addprogram long A stranger victim add 1 point. Same sex victim add 1 point Here is my particular results in this test: Older than 24 (I was 57 at the time of evaluation.).......................0 Relationship with victim for 3 and a half years...........................0 Sex by manipulation not violence..........................................0 No prior sexual violence..................................................0 No prior sex offense......................................................0 No prior sentencing dates.................................................0 No convictions for non-contact sexual offenses............................0 My victim was my daughter and thus related................................0 My victim was not a stranger..............................................0 My victim was of the opposite sex........................................0 So my score on SORUS was zero. I was a shoe in for the short program because my potential to re-offend was very low. But remember Mrs. Huckins had told the parole board that the short program was not long enough to rehabilitate any offender. So that means I'll discharge. In 2005, while I was at Anamosa a registered sex offender by the name of Roger Bentley abducted, raped and killed ten year old Jetseta Gage. His brother James had been convicted of taking explicit pictures of her and another very young girl. Roger had a prior conviction for lascivious acts with a child and had been sentenced to five years in prison. He was released in 2 years and 100 days because that is how long it takes to discharge a 5 year sentence. But when he committed the second crime, the abduction, rape and murder of Jetsetta the newscasters in their attempt to boost outrage claimed he got out in two years, three months and ten days because the parole board had decided it was time to release him. That was a lie. He was released because the sentence had been discharged. The state can only hold you after discharge if it is considering civil commitment. Since it was his first recorded offense he was not considered for civil commitment. His crime was the initiating element in a fury to track all sex offenders and to classify us in a tier system. One problem with these tier systems is most are not classified by any individual score on an evaluation like SOSUS but on what the prosecutor charged you with or plea bargained it out to. I commited incest but it was plea bargained as sexual abuse 3rd degree. Incest is teir 2 but SA3 is tier 3. So in Iowa I'm a tier 3 offender even though it was a tier 2 offense. The first thing I ran into at Mt Pleasant was a laundry problem. From August 4, 2009 I received no laundry except one pair of brief on the fouth and nothing else until the August 9, 2009 when it all came back. Considering how hot and humid Iowa is in early August this was a major impediment to proper hygeine. On October 9, 2009 I had pre-parole. We did this every year in every prison I had been in but we all knew there would be no parole until and if we completed the Sex Offender Treatment Program. Here's a statistic to think about:of the Sex Offenders taking their treament out in community based corrections complete it only 55% of the time. Pretty lowsy performance for a program designed to correct our thinking about appropriate sexual activities and and partners. But then consider that the offenders who were taking it here in the Mt. Pleasant Correctional Facility only 45% complete it successfully. Now when I first saw this report I thought it was because people who got treatment in the community had plead guilty early in the legal process and were therefore more ready to admit what they did and how it effected the victim. Now that I've been to Mt. Pleasant I know what the reason is for so few going through treatment successfully. The problem is not the inmates, its the managment. Specifically it is the ignorance of Gale Huckins. The writings of Justice and Herman are barred from Iowa prison. Why would books that explain the family dynamics that lead to Father Daughter Incest be barred from prison where half the sex offenders committed incest? That is because being a victim of sexual abuse Mrs Huckins wants one hundred per cent of the blame placed on the incestuous father. She does not understand that men produce semenal fluid from puberty until death. This fluid builds up with sperm in it until a man must get relief. This comes from wet dreams if the young man does not masturbate. It is this pressure in his lower region that drives husbands to make love to their wife. A woman can never feel that pressure. Yes as middle age comes many feel a drive to have children before they hit menopause. But every woman, Gail, my ex-wife Kathi and my one true victim had all their eggs in their ovaries on the day of their birth. The are immature and need to develop before being released into a fallopian tube starting about 21 days before the first mentrual period and ending at menopause. Their sexual physilogy completely different from men's cycles. So since a woman can never feel this pressure why is one in charge of the men sex reatment program? It makes no sense. From my understanding Gail Huckins is another counselor with only a two year degree. She could never be in charge of a program outside of the correctional system. They say she has earned her position by working in the Sex Offender Treatment Program for over thirty years. The problem is treatment counselors have no contact with the victims or the wives of the perpatrator. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm responsible for what I did. But what is a man to do when the pressure is building in his nether regions and his wife refuses to give him release? He may commit adultery or he may just masturbate. Since my wife had constantly accused me of infidelity when my daughter asked me to rub her down there it seemed like a reasonable alternative. It is because she knows she cooperated in her own abuse and in fact initiated all but one of our incest event that causes the damage through false guilt. She says she broke up her parents marriage. She did not. She kept us together long after we would have been divorced without her intervention I was thrown out of treatment for two statements the counselors at Mount Pleasant thought were lies. The two statements were: (1)My victim asked me to rub her down there. (2)My victim experience climax before her fourth birthday. I did ask for a polygraph to prove I was not lying about these two things. but Ms Huckins summarily refused this request. According to a person who was in MPCF with me and was with Ms. Huckins when she was in school, she was sexually abused twice. Once when she was six at the hands of a relative and again when she was fourteen. Neither time was the perpetrator caught and charged. I guess her belief that my victim did not ask was due to her not asking and her claim my victim could not climax before her fourth birthday was based on her not receiving a climax when she was sexually abused at age 6. You may find it hard to believe. The first Kinsey Report in 1953 had a report of a three year old girl who often masturbated herself to climax. Now while at MPCF I was watching television when Dr. Ruth Westhiemer explained that 3 year old boys could have erections and 3 year old girls could have orgasm. Also another sex offender in the group explained to me that he believed me because when he was 5 his baby sitter tried to do fellatio on him. She did induce a non-ejaculating orgasm in him. So Ms. Huckins threw me out of treatment. She told me I would serve the whole 20 year sentence because of my refusal to take responsibility for my actions. Interestingly I was never asked who was responsible for the crime. I do recognize that I and I alone am responsible for the abuse and harm it caused. She did not have the right to do that. The Iowa Supreme Court had ruled that if the crime of sexual abuse had a stopping date before January 1,2001 then good conduct time could not be taken for failure to complete treatment. I told her my abuse had ended when my victim was 12 and a half. That was spring of 1998. Ms Huckins said it was 1997 according to her computer record. My victim was born October 2, 1985. I guess Ms. Huckins puts all victims birthdays on January 1! Ms. Huckins was mad as hell at me when I called her bluff and then she did not take the good conduct time. The Mt. Pleasant Correctional Facility has had to payout several tens thousands of dollars to inmates that Ms. Huckins bluffed into the letting her take their good conduct time who realized after they were released that she could not do it. The payments come to $3000/day. When I saw the Dr. Ruth comment I sent Ms. Huckins a message in writing about what she had said. Ms. Huckins is so set in her thinking she paid no mind to it. There are none so blind as those who refuse to see. First Year out I was released from prison on August 4, 2011 and while my license had expired while I was in prison since my material possessions were stored in a warehouse in Des Moines and my brother had come to get me in his Hundai Accent I would have to drive one or the other vehicle to get my material to Mississippi where he and his wife had a home out in the country in compliance with that state's 1500 foot law. So we drove from the prison in Mt. Pleasant Iowa to a Penske Truck rental on 14th St in Des Moines and then to the warehouse where we opened the storage space and began loading. This was fairly heavy lifting since my brother, having a bad heart, could not lift much. We loaded it starting with the small stuff and then I took all the drawers out of the triple dresser and lifted it onto my back and walked up the ramp into the truck. I was still very strong from the constant activity in prison. Work there is poorly compensated but you get activity enough to keep weight off if you don't buy a lot of commissary. You can also build muscle even staying off the weight yard. Exercise for me had been walking but even so I had lifted 306 pounds while at Anamosa so I could lift most of the stuff we had to move. Since the two of us could not empty the storage in one day we took a hotel room at the Econolodge which was not far from the warehouse we all my earthly possesions in. We got up early the next morning and had a full breakfast provided by the hotel. We then drove to the warehouse to continue loading. My brother had brought up a cart that could be a 2 wheel cart or a 4 wheel dolly. But when we pulled it out of the Accent's trunk we found one wheel was flat. The valve stem had retreated into the wheel and we could not pull it out so we went to a tire service to see if they could help us. Instead of waiting while they tried to fix it, they had told us they probably could not do it. we went to the local Harbor Freight Tool Store to see if they had a matching wheel. They didn't. We went back to the tire dealer and they had fixed the tire by pulling the valve stem back out and reinflating it. So we had the cart for loading the truck but much of the furniture was so wide it was not that much help in loading. When my brother had taken a load of stuff up the ramp and he was coming off the ramp he missed the ramp and fell off the truck. He was bruised and we decided to call for an ambulance and he was transported to Methodist Hospital West Des Moines for treatment. He was taking Warfarin to thin his blood since he had a antithombin III deficiency and this increased the bruising and the seriousness of his injuries. So now the loading rested on me alone. We got a lot on the truck the second day but left only a little in the storage place but still had to retire to the hotel for another night. The third day we started again with a free full breakfast at the hotel then we went to warehouse to finish loading. When the warehouse was empty we closed the truck and left. I drove the truck. He drove his car. The trip south was over roads I was not familiar with. I was supposed to follow him but the little compact could out accellerate the truck and could out corner the 20 foot straight truck. So eventually someplace in Southern Missouri I had to stop for fuel and he was far enough away that he did not see me turn off. I used the Prepaid Visa the prison had given me to buy $100 worth of diesal fuel. He realized I was no longer following him and he came back shortly after I had paid the fuel bill. We took off together again and drove through Memphis on our way to Holly Springs where my brother lived. Then we took a four lane state road before we ended up on hilly, winding MS309 and got to his home in the country. Now he had told me there were 2 bedrooms here and bathroom that were to me mine. He had not told me the bedrooms were full and floor in the bathroom was soft because of earlier leaks from the toilet. They are hoarders! So my furniture ended up in the car port which has a collapsing roof and I sleep on two foundations under a queen sized mattress. I can't get to the dresser in the room because there is a mattress standing vertically in front of it. I guess I should be thankful they took me in but I really believed what he told me about having room for me. There is room for me but not for my stuff. Now I have to look for work. I signed up with www.dice.com and www.careerbuilder.com and www.monster.com but nobody wants to hire a sex offender. My brother has said and firmly believes I can fix anything. But the news stories keep on saying the lie that 85% of sex offenders repeat their crimes. As noted elsewhere on this site the truth is something else. I saw several jobs on the job boards that I was emmenently qualified to do. But with the lies about sex offenders in the media no one want to have their company connected with a sex offender. And since registration includes where we work and volunteer they know they will be connected to the offender on the off chance that he re-offends. I saw a job by the employment agency Robert Half and Company for repairing computers but when I called them and told them about my conviction they refused to even consider representing me. With instant background checks being available on the Internet more and more companies are conducting background checks and it would be hard to pass that since this state has lifetime registration. So in February I get an e-mail mentioning a site that connects workers with short term contracts and the companies hiring pay the workers. So I sign up with them for work as an electronics technician. In the first job I take I am sent to Ripley to a Fred's Pharmacy to swap out a printer. This is a large commercial Laser printer by Lexmark with dual paper trays. I had a lot of trouble lifting the old one to put it in the box to ship back to Lexmark. Odd that only a few years before I was lifting 300 pounds without any soreness or trouble. They only weighed about 50 pounds. The women who worked the pharmacy offered to help me left but my chivalry would not allow that. So I swapped out the printer and the Fred's company installed the drivers for the printer remotely. I had no access to the network to do it so that was a good thing. My second assignment was more carpentry than it was electronics. The job was in Richardson Mississippi where I was to wall mount a 50 inch LCD Television. I took my brother, to help since Workmarket thought it would take two to hang the television on the mount. We went to the residence and got no answer to our knock. The man had worked late at the casino the night before and had been asleep. I mounted the brackets on the wall. One side hit the stud and the other one was installed with plastic inserts and lag screws. The man came down and told us. "No, it has to go higher. I want to put my aquarium on the table it used to be on and the television has to be above the top of the aquarium. So I pulled the screws and using the formerly top screws as the new bottom screws I raised the brackets so the television would clear the aquarium. Now it was time to hang the television on it. As I mentioned previously on this account he has a bad heart and can't lift much. I lifted the television and my brother stabilized it. I knelt on the television table and lift the television onto the new mount. I heard the bottom clips click into place and knew it was done. He shot the installation with the cell phone camera and we packed up and left. I realized at home my Sprint PCS Kyrocera 2320 cell phone was missing. The customer had moved it out of my sight while I was working and kept it. Oh well I had not signed up for service so the phone was only good for 911 calls. Besides, how could he sell it without the charger? That job was done. I got home and collapsed into a chair and only got up to go to the bathroom. At this point my brother was doing the cooking and we each washed our own dishes as we returned them to the kitchen. My brother was deteriorating during this time. His speech was slurred by ministrokes and he was increasingly frail. He was having trouble breathing at night due to neurological damage and his swallowing food was also effected. In Early JUne of 2012 we took him to the Emergency room of Baptist DeSoto in Southaven Mississippi three nights in a row with trouble breathing. On the fourth night he was bleeding from his mouth and we took him in and they put him in intensive care. He was intubated and put on a respirator and unable to talk. On the second night in there the doctor said for him to get food down we would have to put a tube in his stomach and feed him through that. He waved his had violently horazontally, indicating he did not want this. Now they moved him from intensive care to the hospice area. At this point my sister-in-law asked me to go to West Plains, Missouri to bring her and my brother's daughter to the hospital to say goodbye. I still did not have my driver's license but knew it was an urgent need and so I agreed to do it. I had a little money in the bank so I did not ask for my sister-in-law's debit card to cover gasoline. It was just as well. I got lost, not being familiar with the roads down here yet. Instead of catching US 67 coming out of Memphis into Arkansas I got onto US 61 which took me into the bootheel of Missouri instead of directly to West Plains. So after refueling I took a road going west and continued in that direction until I hit US 67. My neice was concerned because it set me about four hours behind schedule. One fact I became aware of at this time was the fact that my brother had never given his daughter his cell phone number. I was carrying his cell phone with me and it rang and so I got her number in it. It was a good thing because when I got to West Plains I could not figure out how to get to her house. So I called her from a well lighted business on the main road and she guided me in. My sister-in-law does directions by landmark. I typically do it by road name or number and turn right or left. I was dead on my feet by the time I got there and it was a relief when my neice said she wanted to drive. I think I fell asleep and did not wake up until we were in Southaven where the hospital was. With a couple days my brother past peacefully from this life into the afterlife.