Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 READERS THEATER REVIVAL

   A spoken drama for one male and three female voices

   Holly Rennick, playwright

   Cindi Barton, director

   AUTHOR'S NOTES

   Yeow!  My original "Readers Theater" spoke of Broadway ambition too
early.  Maybe the stage isn't my venue, but here's a rewrite aiming for a
first run in Wichita.

   If you're not familiar with the Readers Theater genre, think of an
old-fashioned radio drama with the performers gathered around a big clunky
microphone.  It's all in the reading.  Your living room is likely your
stage, but do pretend that an audience is listening.

   Let attire and props enhance your verbal delivery.  This script has
several references to a hairbrush, for example.  Find one, use it
accordingly and your lines will work better.  Same goes for a sofa.

   Let's suppose your part is that of Zak whom you envision to be one of
those teenagers who wear backwards baseball hats (an anti-establishment
manifestation, along with the $100 sneakers, I believe).  Wear a bill cap
backwards yourself.  If the other readers can't keep a straight face, what
do you care?  You're a teenage guy.

   They say that what's left out of the musical score gives a Broadway tune
its brilliance.  Verbal pauses let the audience imagine the action.  What
nonverbal cues might suggest the activity?  It's okay to actually kiss your
Readers Theater lover because you're just acting.  Make it slurpy.  Sound
effects and performance-enhancing readers' positioning are suggested in
brackets.  Add more, based on your experience.

   This script needs four characters:

   Two female schoolteachers in their late 20's: HOLLY RENNICK and CINDI
BARTON.

   Two teenagers: ZAK and his SISTER.

   The script incorporates quotations copied from the Internet at the time
of writing.  URLs are footnoted.  To update dead web links, Google for
current postings.  Or just kick back and read what I cited.

   *** SCENE 1 ***

   [Having no role in this scene, CINDI and HOLLY should be offstage (i.e.,
out of the living room) to avoid inhibiting ZAK and SISTER's dramatic
spontaneity.  Background TV.  SISTER and ZAK use younger voices.]
SISTER: Hey Zak, this show's boring.  Let's do something besides TV.
ZAK: Like what?
SISTER: I don't know.  Chinese checkers?  I'll make some goofs to help
you.
ZAK: Your goofs aren't on purpose.  You just don't want to admit that I
can beat you even if you're older.
SISTER: Or how about Alien Investigators?
ZAK: Is that a game?
SISTER: Sorta.  One of us is the Alien Investigator and the other gets
to be the Earthling.  It's fun.
ZAK: Okay, I guess.
SISTER: Let's play upstairs.  Come on!
ZAK: Do we fight enemy aliens or anything?
[TV clicks off.  Stair steps.  Door opening.  Door closing.  Door
locking.  ZAK should now read his part while lying on his back.  SISTER

should read her part seated at ZAK's side.]
SISTER: [Whispered] I'll be the Alien Investigator for starts.
ZAK: I don't even know how to play.  How come you're whispering?
SISTER: So the Klonons can't hear.  Also so Mom can't.  You're the
Earthling.  I'm from Zenafu.  Let me get my stuff.
[Footsteps leaving.  Footsteps returning.  Small items dumped onto

dresser]

   SISTER: Okay, earthling.  This is a mind control zapper.  If I zap you,
you have to do what I say.
ZAK: It's your hairbrush, but we're pretending, right?
SISTER: Right.  Zap.  Double Zap.
ZAK: Oh, oooh.  I'm dead!
SISTER: No, idiot, you're just stunned.  I have to investigate you.
ZAK: Okay.
SISTER: First I need to read your mind with my Space X-Ray.
ZAK: Space X-Ray?
SISTER: Use your imagination.  Your name is Zak and you live on South
Jefferson and you have one sister.
ZAK: You already knew that.
SISTER: No I don't, because I'm an alien.  Now I have to look inside
your body, Earthling.  Let me aim.  That's your Earthling heart.  I see
that you breathe air.  It appears that you eat Skittles.
ZAK: Don't poke so hard.
SISTER: Okay.  Now take off your shirt for body testing.  Good.  As we
suspected, your body lacks armor against Martian guns.  I'll now test your
temperature by total measurement.  Lie on the spaceship table for Test 234.
ZAK: On top of the covers?
SISTER: Shoes off.

   [Two thumps.  Mattress creak]
ZAK: Hey, you can't do that!
SISTER: Yes I can because I applied mind control already.  Your stomach
can't feel anything.
ZAK: Well not so low, then.
SISTER: Quitter!
ZAK: I'm not!
SISTER: So let me do the Alien test on your legs.
ZAK: Not so high.
SISTER: It's 753.  Normal.  You've got a bump.
ZAK: A what?
SISTER: A bump, right here in the middle.  It part of the Alien
Investigation, to see if you have any bumps.
ZAK: Well, leave it alone!
SISTER: I have to test it to make sure you didn't sneak a secret laser
weapon onto my spaceship.  I'll just check it with a few slides of my Xerob
Defractor.
ZAK: No fair, that's your hand!  Don't tickle it!
SISTER: See?  It's an expandable secret ray gun.  You're an enemy spy. I
have to torture you.
ZAK: Let's not play this game.
SISTER: Lie back down.  Should I rub faster, Earthling?

   [Fabric stroked]
ZAK: I can't talk because I'm zapped.
SISTER: I need to finish my Alien Investigation to do my report to the
Supreme Space Commander.

   [Zipper]
ZAK: Hey don't!
SISTER: How interesting.  Earthlings wear clothes inside of clothes. 
Come on!  We used to take baths together.  Lift up.

   [Sliding fabric]
SISTER: That's better.  Oh, my!  What's this?
ZAK: It's not my fault.
SISTER: It wouldn't do that if you didn't like getting investigated. 
You got a really good space weapon, Earthling.
ZAK: You don't have to stop testing if you don't want to.

   [Rhythmic sounds]

   SISTER: You gotta say, "Please Space Princess," if you want to touch my
zeemom while I investigate.
ZAK: Please Space Princess.

   [Rustling sounds.  Gasp from ZAK]

   SISTER: Wow!  Rocket Fuel!  Your Alien Investigation score is 39.  No, I
mean 139, which means that you can be a Rocket Ranger.

   *** SCENE 2 ***

   [Background of muted conversations, chairs pushed back, silverware,
class bells]

   CINDI: Morning, Holly.  Was third period about three hours long today? I
could smell the coffee all the way from my classroom.
HOLLY: Morning, Cindi.  I could smell your students' Bunsen burners from
mine.
CINDI: Different chemicals on filter paper burn with different colors.
Fortunately the fire alarm is broken.
HOLLY: You look pensive.
CINDI: No way!  I lost three pounds.
HOLLY: It means that you look like you're thinking.
CINDI: I suppose.  Ever have Zak Gaston as a student?
HOLLY: For English.  He gave me the old double barrel brush-by once in
the doorway, but nothing out of the ordinary.  You got him for Science?
CINDI: He's thinking human anatomy when I lean over his desk, shall we
say.
HOLLY: With your loose neckline?
CINDI: Whatever.  He tries to cover his lap.  Lots of our students have
had sex, you know.
HOLLY: Life's not fair.
CINDI: Hang in there, Holly.
HOLLY: So what about Zak?
CINDI: Well, there's a story about Zak and his sister.  Maybe you had
her a few years ago.  Black bras.  When their folks are out, they watch
videos.  Ever see Undercover Agent Uncovered?
HOLLY: Ever see Les Miserables?
CINDI: Okay, okay.  I'll spend the big bucks and go with you.  Dressing
up will be fun, but you have to translate.
HOLLY: I already told you it's in English.  I'll buy you a latte at
intermission.  It's really romantic, as opposed to Undercover Agent
Uncovered, I expect.
CINDI: A different kind of romance.
HOLLY: So what about Zak and his sister?
CINDI: During the video, she sits in his lap.  To get more comfy, she'll
move his arms around her stomach.  Or she'll tug her neckline out enough
for him look right over her shoulder.  She looks too.  She says things
about the video like, "I'll bet she never tells."
HOLLY: His sister says that?
CINDI: Siblings discuss things.  He's just a guy.  When he touches her
tit, she kind of raises her arm before trying to escape.  She promises that
she can't feel how he gets since they're both wearing jeans.
HOLLY: Just a matter of time and a six-fingered baby.  So how come you
know all this?
CINDI: This teacher can tell which boys like her, so she got Zak to help
in her book closet and had him steady her on the stool.  You know, from
behind, hands on her ribs.  When she leaned too far forward and he reached
around her stomach, she said, "You have such nice hands, Zak." He went
under her sweater while she rearranged the top shelf.  It was her cashmere
sweater, the one from Costco.  She just had on her camisole, the one from
Barenecessities, so he didn't have to deal with fasteners or anything. 
Pretty straightforward, don't you think?
HOLLY: Pretty straight, you mean?  Did this teacher check him out?
CINDI: Just with her butt.  "Wow!  You're really grown up!" That type of
line.  It's really stupid to actually do it in the book closet.  They made
a plan for that Saturday, her place.  They're still getting together.  She
lets him brush her hair afterwards.
HOLLY: As I said, life's not fair.
CINDI: Is "seduced" the right word if he agreed?  Kids need to talk to
someone and this teacher has an interest in sibling relationships.  Sex can
be complicated, right?
HOLLY: It's good we agree on at least one thing or we couldn't be
friends.  I think it's less complicated if you're doing it regularly.
CINDI: We also agree that brushing your hair keeps it thick.  Lend me
your brush while we're sitting here.
HOLLY: I think this is how I get lice.
CINDI: Very funny.  Thanks.  Anyway, Zak told this teacher about his
sister.  Would you leave your door open a crack at bedtime, get almost
naked, hop under the sheet and play with yourself, him still peeking in? 
That inbreeding thing's exaggerated, but even still, she shouldn't get
pregnant.
HOLLY: That's three agreements.
CINDI: That's why we're best friends.

   [Quick kiss and giggle]
HOLLY: Not that kind of friends!
CINDI: Okay, but I made you blush, right?  How'd we get on this?  Oh,
yes.  Zak didn't want his sister thinking of him as a little kid so this
teacher's got him up to speed.
HOLLY: For educational use only, as we say.
CINDI: So he needed a plan to lay his sister.  No problem, says this
teacher.  It's video night, folks out to a Joan Baez concert.  Heard of
her? They have a sofa like the one in your place.  Scotchguard Stain
Resistant.
HOLLY: We'll make it Scene 3 in my Readers Theater.
CINDI: What Readers Theater?
HOLLY: The one we're doing, girl.
CINDI: Okay.  By Cindi Barton, playwright.
HOLLY: No way!  I'm the playwright.  You can do the lighting.
CINDI: Lighting for a Readers Theater?  How about making me the
director? We could maybe go back to Scene 1 and have them abducted in a UFO
and forced to populate Planet Zenafu.
HOLLY: I don't write science fiction.  Tell me how the sofa scene works
out.

   *** SCENE 3 ***

   [SISTER seated in ZAK's lap for better spoken delivery.  ZAK might brush
SISTER's hair to enhance performance ambiance.  CINDI provides background
video sounds of a woman engaged in sex.  HOLLY understudies the sound
effects.]
SISTER: Jeeze.  That was some video.

   [CINDI and HOLLY should now move offstage, the reason previously given.]
ZAK: Think what they did was, you know, for real?
SISTER: It would be hard for the guy not to show his..., you know, if it
weren't, you know, inside her.
ZAK: I don't think it usually lasts that long, actually.
SISTER: They had to get a whole feature out of it, I guess.  It probably
helps if the girl knows the guy really well.
ZAK: Maybe that's the problem with Lara.  She doesn't know me that well.
SISTER: Not like I do.  I can hear you in your room after you go to bed.
What are you doing for your Lara?  Show me.
ZAK: No way!
SISTER: We're at the movies, back row.  Now what, Zak-boy?

   [Caresses and breathing]

   SISTER: We're actually just fooling around on the sofa, me pretending to
be Lara, right?  Does your Lara fall for the way your hand's accidentally
on me?
ZAK: Your nipple's hard.
SISTER: That's why I don't wear padded bras, so guys can tell when I
read a speech in speech class.  Anyway, it's not like you haven't felt me a
million times when really you're my brother.

   [Garment sounds]
SISTER: I didn't say pull down my straps.
ZAK: Remember how we used to play Alien Investigator when the folks were
away?
SISTER: Okay, if you're nice to them.  You gotta take your shirt off
too.
ZAK: How about your jeans?  [Zipper] Raise your butt.
SISTER: Let me think.
ZAK: You think while I pull.
SISTER: Your jeans then, too.  [Another zipper] And don't mess with my
panties.  [The snap of elastic] Oh, Zak, you're such a perv.
ZAK: Butt up!
SISTER: Don't pop out your eyes.
ZAK: Can I touch?  Just my finger.
SISTER: Gotta stop when I say, though.

   [Exploratory sounds of giggles and gasps]
ZAK: It doesn't hurt or anything?
SISTER: Nope.
ZAK: Here, even?
SISTER: There, even.
ZAK: Bet I can make you come.  Lean back more.
SISTER: Has to be even-steven.  Pull down your boxers so I get to watch
the Rocket Fuel, okay?

   [Pumping sounds]
SISTER: So rub my front with it while it happens, little virgin boy.
ZAK: I'm not a virgin.
SISTER: You said that Lara doesn't put out.
ZAK: I got a girlfriend older than you!
SISTER: You do?  Then down here.

   [Rustling and positioning]
SISTER: I'm already ready.  We can just do it part way.
ZAK: Just part way?
SISTER: Until you get it in all the way.

   [Initial sounds of boy above girl]
SISTER: Wait.  I got a better idea.
ZAK: Than doing it?
SISTER: No.  You sit regular on the sofa with me facing you.
ZAK: Shoot!  I was just going to come.
SISTER: That's another reason mine is a better idea.

   [Sounds of repositioning]

   SISTER: See?  Now we can hold our Readers Theater scripts behind each
other's head.

   [Initial sounds of girl above boy]
ZAK: [Surprised] Hey!  Who turned off the lights?  I gota see my script.
SISTER: Ms.  Barton's in charge of lighting and says we should be in the
dark for what we're acting.
ZAK: Acting?  I'm coming!
SISTER: That's why the school nurse gives us girls the pill.  Quit
yacking and finish this scene so I can come, too, Zak-boy.

   [Intermediate sounds of girl above boy]
SISTER: Way to go, little brother!

   [Final sounds of girl above boy]

   SISTER: Look at all that!  I'm glad that this is Ms.  Rennick's sofa,
not ours.

   *** SCENE 4 ***

   [Background of muted conversations, chairs pushed back, silverware,
class bells]
HOLLY: Coffee break's almost over.  Where've you been?
CINDI: Somebody reported the smoke from chem lab yesterday and the Fire
Marshal's fiddling with the alarm.  How am I supposed to run a lab if
nothing can happen?
HOLLY: Like how am I supposed to teach English if we don't read
literature where something happens?
CINDI: You had them read that Shakespeare poem.  That's something
happening.
HOLLY: "The Rape of Lucrece" derives from Ovid's story about a Roman
matron.  It's not modern.
CINDI: Tell that to Lucrece.
HOLLY: Anyway, back to that last Readers Theater sex scene where Zak
does it with his sister on the sofa?  Formula fiction.  Usually the author
adds some oral sex to make it longer.
CINDI: That's how it's supposed to happen: two kids just messing around
for starts.  When they discuss it afterwards, it's not even clear who first
had the idea.  Discussing it makes them do it again and so on.  Got an
herbal tea in your purse?
HOLLY: Dandelion Sunshine.
CINDI: Oh, for a real java.  Back to your Readers Theater.  How 'bout
having Zak brush her hair from behind.  She takes over combing while he
feels her up.  The Readers Theater audience hears the hairbrush drop.
HOLLY: "Knife-edge suspense," the reviewers will say.  Keep going.
CINDI: He slides his fingers down her stomach and she settles in his lap
so it's easier for his hand to get lower.  She'll work his fingers to undo
her belt.  Then she'll show him how to...
HOLLY: Are we talking about spoken lines?
CINDI: An act about the act, get it?  The performers actually orgasm for
realistic Readers Theater sound effects.  Why simulate it in performance
when the readers will do it during intermission on the same sofa?
HOLLY: I noticed afterwards.  But they have to hold back for a while for
Readers Theater.  We want the audience's hands pressing their laps.
CINDI: Little pinkie flicking back and forth, right?  Okay, then a pizza
delivery girl could show up.  I have a Domino's hat so they wouldn't think
of me as a teacher.
HOLLY: The thing is, Cindi, most sibling sex stories start with teaching
each other how to make out on the sofa.  The pizza delivery girl is another
chapter.  Too boring.
CINDI: You want disturbing drama because theatergoers like to feel
upset? Then add some forcefulness.
HOLLY: Too chauvinist.
CINDI: Not that way.  More feminist.  The Internet tells how to make a
male involuntarily erect by tickling his prostate.  It's how Myra
Breckenridge used her strap-on in the movie to make the good-looking guy
orgasm after she tied him up.  The poor slob had more sex with his
girlfriend afterwards because he was worried about his manhood, so it
worked out great.  Myra was Myron before her operation, so she had
experience without the strap-on.
HOLLY: The author of the Myra Breckenridge novel, Gore Vidal, knew about
backdoor entries.
CINDI: They made a book from the movie?  The Internet says to reach in
an inch and find a bulb of tissue.  Then do a come-here motion with your
fingertip.  That's what it says, anyway.
HOLLY: Maybe Zak's sister saw how Raquel Welch did it in the movie.
CINDI: His sister wears a strap-on?
HOLLY: No, she has her hairbrush.

   *** SCENE 5 ***

   [ZAK reclining.  SISTER sitting beside]
SISTER: So how's life in bed when you should be helping rake the leaves?
ZAK: How about bringing me more 7-Up.
SISTER: You break your arms falling out of a tree like an idiot and I
have to get your pop?
ZAK: Come on.
SISTER: Okay.  I'm not helping you pee, though.  Or you-know-what.  You
just have to suffer.
ZAK: Just get my 7-Up, okay?
SISTER: Want me to comb your hair?  I brought my hairbrush.  Not your
top hair, though.  Don't bother to sit up.
ZAK: Stop it.
SISTER: There.  Want your 7-Up first?  I'll hold the straw in your
mouth.
ZAK: What are you doing with that hairbrush?
SISTER: Zak?
ZAK: What?
SISTER: Isn't this Readers Theater a little weird?  Me making you hard
by tickling up your butt with this thing?  Isn't Raquel Welch dead?
ZAK: Does the script say I'm supposed to bend over this sofa?
SISTER: Forget it.  You're my little brother and I'll kill anybody who
tries to do something like that to you.  This is Ms.  Rennick's first
Readers Theater.
ZAK: I think Ms.  Barton knows more about making guys hard.
SISTER: You think it will work, this hairbrush?
ZAK: I didn't actually read ahead.
SISTER: If I want it to get hard, all I do is unbutton my blouse, right?
I don't mess around with your butt.  See?
ZAK: The teachers are going to catch us if we get started.
SISTER: Tonight, then, our place.  But that won't work for Readers
Theater because we have to stay quiet with the folks downstairs.

   *** SCENE 6 ***

   [Background of muted conversations, chairs pushed back, silverware,
class bells]
HOLLY: Where'd they get this coffee?  It's totally tasteless.
CINDI: The NEA newsletter says that we stand in solidarity with the
worker co-ops where they grow it.
HOLLY: Give me multinational anytime.
CINDI: So I'm thinking.
HOLLY: About Guatemala?
CINDI: No, about the last Readers Theater scene.  The kids said that it
fizzled because her making him have sex was like making water flow
downhill. He was already up before she produced the hairbrush.  Noisy, but
not dramatic.  So maybe write it about him making her and then about her
guilt.  Psychological.
HOLLY: Excuse me?
CINDI: The Internet says that if a girl climaxes when she doesn't want
to, it's not her fault.  I've got it on a printout.
HOLLY: You sure surf a lot.
CINDI: Some of the sites are from government agencies.  And there are
these chat sites where girls ask each other things about being raped.  One
asks if she'd done something wrong because she came and the others assure
her it was just an involuntary physiological reaction.  Like tickling, sort
of.  I read this story where these girls at summer camp use a hairbrush to
make the new girl come.
HOLLY: That would be tough to describe in Readers Theater, but it might
come across if the new girl were very verbal.
CINDI: The story's called Camp Brushmore.  Get it?  The new girl
orgasmed so well that they voted her Cabin Captain.
HOLLY: Okay, but we'll give her a guilt trip because she'd been saving
herself for her brother who's at the next camp.  Some soliloquies, maybe.
CINDI: Is "soliloquy" a better way to masturbate?
HOLLY: More what you say while you do, I guess.
CINDI: Okay.  But Zak has to be in the story, too.  They each canoe to
this middle island and he can say something like, "Look, sister.  I'm
opening my black trench coat." Since it's Readers Theater, he should say
the color.  She'll say, "Oh, it's so scary, but I don't want to climax."
You get my idea.
HOLLY: Why's he canoeing in a trench coat?

   *** SCENE 7 ***

   ZAK: I can't believe this Readers Theater script!  A guy doesn't rape
his sister!
SISTER: Why would I fight back, other than to make you work for it a
little?
ZAK: Then how come you pinch sometimes?
SISTER: `Cause you're a pain.  Just on your arm.  I never knee you or
anything.  It takes cooperation, right?  Plus lots of familiarity.  Plus
some get-ready footsie under the dinner table.
ZAK: That wasn't get-ready footsie.  Your toes made me come while Mom
was cooking the vegetables and Dad was reading the paper.
SISTER: Well you were looking at my boobs when you rocket fueled in your
pants.
ZAK: `Cause you were holding your shirt open.
SISTER: To make you come under the table so I could watch your face.
ZAK: It's not fair.  Your legs are longer.
SISTER: But look at this Readers Theater script they gave us!  No way
that Ms.  Rennick wrote for me to say, "Oh no!  It's flushed red with
erection!" She's an English teacher.  It was Ms.  Barton.
ZAK: And I'm supposed to say, "Now I'll rip open your blouse to expose
your auburn areola." What's an areola?
SISTER: This part here.
ZAK: Your moons?
SISTER: Let's sort this dramatic improbability out with those two
teachers right now.  Ms.  Rennick, Ms.  Barton, please report to the
Readers Theater stage immediately!

   [Offstage muttering.  Entering footsteps]

   HOLLY: What's the deal?  Zak's supposed to be making you involuntarily
orgasm while Ms.  Barton and I drink coffee.
SISTER: Your script, not ours.  You forgot that I'm older than he is. 
If it was involuntary, I wouldn't leave my door unlocked.
HOLLY: Drama needs tension.  You can't just hop into bed.
ZAK: We know some different positions.
SISTER: And Ms.  Barton.  You're the one that taught Zak here, right?
ZAK: I didn't tell, Ms.  Barton.  Really!
SISTER: Like you think girl students have our eyes closed when you have
them help you in your book closet?  Shall I name some others boys?
CINDI: Really, they were all ready for it.  It's not like...
SISTER: We know.  If you'd messed with boys who weren't, we'd tell the
principal.
CINDI: Oh.
SISTER: Shoot, Ms.  Barton.  You're one of our favorite teachers, even
if you teach science.  We're not going to wreck your dating.  We like them
already knowing about our special spots.
ZAK: Ms.  Barton, I really didn't tell.
SISTER: Zak-boy, that's why we like to sleep with you.  You don't tell.
Right, Ms.  Barton?
CINDI: I guess.  Give me feedback if you want them to know more.
SISTER: Cunnilingus, for a start.  So Ms.  Rennick, you're not as
experienced as Ms.  Barton, correct?
HOLLY: Of course not.
SISTER: Maybe a little more discriminating.  You did get one scene
somewhat close in this Readers Theater, however.
HOLLY: I did?
SISTER: Alien Investigator.  Actually, I taught him to play Frozen
Cavechild where one of us got frozen in the Ice Age and the other one finds
the body a million years later.  If the frozen one moves, they lose.  It's
okay to move, though, to get something off.  Or at the end, you know, when
you can't help it.
HOLLY: I had this dark drama in mind.  What do I do with this Readers
Theater if you won't rape each other?
ZAK: Ms.  Barton could change her part to be a cheerleader who gets
shipwrecked on a lonely beach and I could be a fisherman.
CINDI: Maybe I should make some Folgers Instant.  Anybody want whitener?
SISTER: Maybe I could be a forest ranger in a lookout tower and you two
teachers could be escaped convicts from the Woman's Prison where, you know,
you learned about hairbrushing other prisoners.
HOLLY: Readers Theater can't compete with the Vagina Monologues.
ZAK: Maybe I can be a Boy Scout who comes to the lookout tower and the
three of you catch me.  You'll tell me there's this merit badge for...
HOLLY: Fun plot, but that one's already on the Internet.
CINDI: You guys mind Styrofoam cups?
ZAK: Maybe I could be a football player and catch you one by one, say
walking down dark alleys.  Three touchdowns!
HOLLY: Veto.
SISTER: You ever date a football player, Ms.  Rennick?  It's how they
are.
HOLLY: I had a date with a boy on the chess team.
SISTER: Want to really challenge your Readers Theater audience?  You
announce "intercourse" in American Sign Language.  Make Vs with the first
two fingers of each hand and bounce one over the other.  Then Zak and I
will do it totally silently, how we do it when we're not sure if the folks
are asleep yet.
HOLLY: I guess my Readers Theater idea isn't so hot.
SISTER: So then here's what you need to add, Ms.  Rennick.
HOLLY: What?
SISTER: A scene for Zak-boy here to play himself.
HOLLY: Like a Readers Theater about a Readers Theater?
SISTER: Sorta.  Zak, why don't you give Ms.  Rennick a little backrub.
She's had a long day.
HOLLY: I'm fine.
SISTER: It'll help Zak-boy figure out your bra.  So Zak, Ms.  Barton and
I will take a coffee break while you read a new scene with Ms.  Rennick. 
We'll lengthen the subtitle to "a spoken drama for one male and three
female voices with theatrical climax." Give her some lines to recite while
you figure out how to make it happen.
CINDI: Shall we take our coffee out to the porch and talk about boys? 
We probably have some common friends.

   *** SCENE 10***

   [As earlier scenes excused CINDI and HOLLY from the stage, this scene
excuses CINDI and SISTER.]
ZAK: Have you written this Readers Theater scene?
HOLLY: Not yet, so we'll just have to ad lib from Ms.  Barton's Internet
printout.  The setting's in the faculty lounge.
ZAK: Sorry, the faculty lounge is off limits to students.  We're in the
woods.  Listen!  Wind in the leaves.  [ZAK's attempted sound effect of wind
in the leaves] Read this.  It's from some psychology journal about a rape
experiment.
HOLLY: A rape experiment?  Well, it's in an academic journal.
"In the second experiment, it was shown that portraying the rape victim
as experiencing an involuntary orgasm disinhibited subjects' sexual
responsiveness and resulted in levels of arousal comparable to those

elicited by depictions of mutually consenting sex."(1)

   ZAK: You want a Readers Theater hit?  Making a schoolteacher involuntary
climax on her own sofa would sell, right?
HOLLY: I suppose.  So why's that hairbrush pointing at me?
ZAK: It's my handgun.
HOLLY: It is not.
ZAK: The Readers Theater audience doesn't know it's a hairbrush.  Just
read the printout or I'll shoot.
HOLLY: Okay.  Here's what Darwinian psychologists say.
"Human rape victims rarely show much sexual arousal and almost never
achieve orgasm.  It is conceivable that some aspects of women's capacity
for orgasm evolved in the context of reducing the fertilizing capacity of
rapists' ejaculates.  That is, the absence of orgasm during rape may be an

evolved response to rape."(2)

   ZAK: Ms.  Barton says that Darwin's out to lunch about the absence of
orgasm.  That's why I brought you out here in the deep, dark woods, to
check it out.  Read a couple of the discussions.
HOLLY: "My wife was raped when she was only 14 years old and she too had
an orgasm unwillingly.  Now, years later, she even masturbates while
thinking back on the experience."
"The most intense orgasm I've ever experienced in my life is while being
raped.  After they were done the guy behind me masturbated me to

orgasm."(3)
ZAK: Teachers masturbate, right?
HOLLY: None of your business.
ZAK: I could masturbate you first.  I know how.
HOLLY: It's just some discussion group.
ZAK: Keep reading.  I'm aiming this gun at your heart.
HOLLY: It's not the hairbrush and you're not aiming.  It's your hand and
you're touching.  Anyway, here's what it says.
"Orgasm is at its most basic level just a physical response to
stimulation--you could almost equate it with feeling an itchy sensation
after being stimulated by a mosquito bite.  When you're raped, you're
terrified and nervous and scared--and release chemicals (such as
adrenaline) that have the effect of enhancing your senses and quickening

your response."(4)

   ZAK: Like your heartbeat here.  Your trying to wiggle away is pretty
realistic.  Keep reading what it says about physical stimulation.  You'll
agree pretty soon.
HOLLY: "Your body experienced a physiological reaction in response to
the physical stimulation it received.  There is no reason to consider that
your body betrayed you that evening."(5)
ZAK: Don't worry, Ms Rennick.  It's not betrayal.  Remember in English
when you read us the long thing by Shakespeare about what-her-name?
HOLLY: The Rape of Lucrece.  It's a narrative poem.  I just recited a
few lines, as the whole thing is too depressing.
ZAK: Tell me some of it again.
HOLLY: Okay.

   "Her breasts, like ivory globes circled with blue,

   A pair of maiden worlds unconquered."

   "`Lucrece,' quoth he, `this night I must enjoy thee.

   If thou deny, then force must work my way."

   "But if thou yield, I rest thy secret friend,

   The fault unknown is as a thought unacted,

   A little harm done to a great good end."

   "The flesh being proud, Desire doth fight with Grace,

   For there it revels, and when that decays

   The guilty rebel for remission prays."
ZAK: You sorta got into it, right?
HOLLY: Shakespeare redefined English literature through his...
ZAK: I mean we could see your nipples from the back of the class.
HOLLY: You could?  Maybe it's like a murder in Macbeth.  You don't have
to agree with homicide to feel how Shakespeare wrote it.
ZAK: Imagining your ivory globes made me about come in my pants. 
Remember what happened afterwards?
HOLLY: Was that when you stumbled into me at the doorway?
ZAK: I didn't know how else to cop a feel.  So where are we in the
Readers Theater script?
HOLLY: We're in my living room and you're fondling me and Ms.  Barton
and your sister are drinking coffee on the porch.
ZAK: Wrong.  We're in the woods.  There's moss on the ground.
HOLLY: Okay, in the woods.  Stop touching me like that!  It's
suggestive. What will the audience think?
ZAK: This is Readers Theater, remember?  They won't know your nipples
are showing if you don't announce it.  Here, you kneel in font of your sofa
and I'll get behind you, reaching around.  It will sound like I've got you
down on the ground.
HOLLY: Like this?
ZAK: Lift up your arms a little while I undo your buttons.
HOLLY: You see women in their bras in newspaper ads, so I guess it's
okay.
ZAK: Read some more.  You'll appreciate the rubbing reference.
HOLLY: "An orgasm is an involuntary reflex; it is a reaction of your
body over which you have no control.  Male or female, if anyone rubs you in
the right way in the right place, you will have an orgasm whether you want
to or not."(6)
ZAK: You got four hooks on this strap!  Ms.  Barton and my sister just
have two on theirs.
HOLLY: I'm more developed.  I'll yell if you undo them.
ZAK: We're in the deep, dark woods where nobody can hear you, remember?
HOLLY: Oh.
ZAK: Wow!  Don't worry, the audience can't see.
HOLLY: I'm that way because it's cold.
ZAK: And here's something religious for you to read while I get your
skirt up.
HOLLY: I don't even go to church, but I'll read it anyway.
"There is no need to be ashamed if you have an orgasm during the rape.
If someone hits you it hurts because that is the way God made your body to
work.  Sex is the same way.  It is just the way God made your body to

work."(7)
ZAK: Me Adam.  You Eve.
HOLLY: I'm not putting that lame line in my Readers Theater.  Shouldn't
you just take my skirt off?  If the audience could see, it would look
really unbecoming, all scrunched up around my waist.
ZAK: I guess so.  You'll have to quit fighting while I find the buttons.
HOLLY: In the back.  Yeah, there.
ZAK: Read another quote while you say bye-bye to your panties.  The more
you struggle, the better you'll come.
HOLLY: I'd be naked then!
ZAK: The Readers Theater audience just has its imagination.  Quit trying
to escape or you'll ruin the dialog.  I was right; I always thought you
were a natural blond.
HOLLY: Scandinavian.  Where's the printout?  It's pretty hard to
concentrate.  You're making this really realistic.
"Arousal may be, in Finkelhor and Yllo's words, a practical adjustment

to a painful situation."(8)
ZAK: Making any practical adjustments?
HOLLY: Just a little bit, maybe.  Here's the next quotation.  I skimmed
ahead, in case you're looking for ideas.  Listen.

   "Masturbation and orgasm are the two great unspoken secrets of rape."(9)
ZAK: So you'll keep it a secret?
HOLLY: That's what it says.  So you're going to pretend to masturbate me
now?
ZAK: Maybe something better.
HOLLY: I know how to fake an orgasm.
ZAK: Maybe something still better.

   [Zipper]

   HOLLY: It doesn't say to take off your pants.  [Sound of falling
trousers] I'm going to tell the audience that you took them off.  I see
London.  I see France.  I see someone's...
ZAK: Keep reading while I take those off, too, so we'll be dressed the
same.
HOLLY: "The reason is that the type of arousal that leads to sexual
pleasure and the type of arousal your body experiences during fearful and
stressful times are very close to being the same thing." (10)
ZAK: You're just stressed, right, Ms.  Rennick?
HOLLY: I've got my career to protect.  I'm a teacher.  Hey, don't!  It's
too close to me!
ZAK: Make some struggling sounds for the audience.

   [Struggling]
ZAK: Pretty realistic!
HOLLY: Because I'm trying to elbow you for real, can't you tell?
ZAK: The show must go on.  Your sofa here is soft moss.  You'll be more
comfortable on your back.

   [More struggling]

   ZAK: Ms.  Barton says that science explains most everything.  Read about
the science while you try to ignore me.  Maybe you can tell them how big it
is, what you're trying to ignore.
HOLLY: It's really hard to ignore.  I don't have a guy on top of me that
often while I'm supposed to be reading.
"The sympathetic nervous system becomes activated and mobilizes the
'fight, flight or freeze' responses.  Neurochemicals stimulate blood to the
large muscle groups and the pelvis.  The increase in blood flow to the

lower part of the body may further result in more lubrication."(11)

   [Devolves into heavy breathing]
ZAK: Your neuros are pretty chemical, aren't they, Ms.  Rennick?
HOLLY: I can't help it.
ZAK: I told you so!
HOLLY: The Author's Notes says that performance-enhancing readers'
positioning is suggested in brackets.  I don't see anything in brackets
about you pushing where you're pushing.
ZAK: The director showed me how she wants it performed.  Count 1-2-3-in,
1-2-3-out, like that, to get the audience listening.

   [Nice and slow]
ZAK: And then drop the 1-2-3s to keep their attention.

   [Strenuous rhythmic exertions]
HOLLY: I think, maybe...  Ah.  Don't stop!  Aah.  Aaaah.

   [Cacophony, then gradual quieting]

   ZAK: She said if the counting is hard, she can just stand off-stage and
signal me with her hand.
HOLLY: That's why Readers Theater has a director, I guess.  The
playwright maybe didn't quite anticipate all the nuances.  Like when you
got it in me, how was the playwright supposed to know that you'd keep
moving it?
ZAK: The director said that moving in and out is pretty important.  You
really picked up on the cue after your "fight, flight or freeze" responses
fizzled.
HOLLY: Hey, I think we did pretty well for our first roles opposite each
other.  Did my, er, fake orgasm sound okay?
ZAK: The director said that when you fake it, you say things like, "Boy!
I'm really coming!" Since you just went, "Aah.  Aaah.  Aaaah," maybe you
forgot your line.
HOLLY: Well anyway, I would have faked it if I needed to.  Rats!  Look
what you got on my sofa!
ZAK: It's moss in the woods.  Won't matter.  Read me the last quotation.
HOLLY: "Women who may have just survived a life threatening crime are
asked, incredibly, questions such as: Did you enjoy it?  Did you have an
orgasm?  Why didn't anyone hear you scream?  How big was his penis?"(12)
ZAK: Girls talk about everything.  That's why everyone knows about me
and my sister.
HOLLY: We do talk a lot, I suppose.  Ms.  Barton will want to hear all
about my orgasm.
ZAK: She already knows how big I am.
HOLLY: [Irritated] Hey!  The lights went out again.  I can't read my
part.
ZAK: Read?  You dropped the pages a bunch of lines ago.  Anyway, that
was only rehearsal.  The director says to do now the scene in the dark,
like that one where I make my sister come when this sofa's supposed to be
the one in our house, not soft moss in the woods.  I kinda like Readers
Theater.
HOLLY: But I'll never remember all those Internet quotations.  Should I
get dressed so you can strip me again?
ZAK: Naah.  She says just the "theatrical climax", what she calls it. 
I'm supposed to start with, what'd she say, cuntingus?
HOLLY: Cunnilingus!  You sure?
Zak: I'm supposed to work on the pacing.
HOLLY: Don't worry.  I read that a woman's ability to multiply orgasm
increases with age.  It might be harder for you to rehearse it to the
finish again, though, because males take a while to restore their acting
capacity.
ZAK: No problem; I'm a teenager.  Maybe you can say things like, "Oh my!
You're so big," so the audience will picture me better.  I have a ruler.

   *** SCENE 11 ***

   [Background of muted conversations, chairs pushed back, silverware,
class bells]
CINDI: Pass the Sweet 'N Low, will you?  This coffee needs something.
HOLLY: A white chemical?
CINDI: It's an organic chemical because of the carbon.  Too bad you
never got the Readers Theater ready for public performance.  I sort of
liked it.
HOLLY: Lots of Broadway stuff closes after the first night but hangs on
in smaller venues.  "Ah.  Aah.  Aaah," has its limits as Readers Theater.
CINDI: Know what?  I accidentally left a tape recorder running when you
and Zak practiced your big act.  It was really good, as good as the real
thing, I'd sort of think.
HOLLY: Umm, I guess I did do it pretty professionally.
CINDI: The way you ended sounded a lot more real than your fake orgasm
that time we double dated.  I about croaked when you volunteered, "Boy! 
I'm really coming!" from the front seat.  Your Readers Theater way sounded
more like me in back seat heaven.
HOLLY: Uh, I picked up the improved dialog from Undercover Agent
Uncovered.
CINDI: See?  I told you it was better than Les Miserables.  That
uncovered agent actress, she's a professional in her own way.  And I was
wondering.  In that Shakespeare poem, the rape of whoever.  How big was his
penis and did she have an orgasm?
HOLLY: I don't know.  They haven't made a movie of it, like they did for
Romeo and Juliet.  Did you know that "to die" was a metaphor for "to
orgasm" back then?
CINDI: Think we can change this Readers Theater plot into something for
Art-house Cine?
HOLLY: My screen debut?  Ever used a hand-held movie camera?
CINDI: No, but if it's jerky, it's more avant-garde.
HOLLY: It would change the performance atmosphere, having a camera
going.
CINDI: A camera girl's like a priest about confession, can't tell
anybody afterwards.
HOLLY: Zak already knows his part.
CINDI: Thanks to the directing, thank you.  We'll tell Zak it's related
to Health Ed.  He'll want to be in a movie.
HOLLY: The thing is, I wouldn't want this film to get...
CINDI: I'll colorize it to give you black hair.
HOLLY: So you like the plot?
CINDI: What plot?  Like this sham that right now we're chatting in the
faculty lounge, not sitting on your sofa here in your living room?
HOLLY: Don't remind me about these rocket fuel stains.
CINDI: Call 1-800 Scotchguard.  Are we reading this or just gabbing? 
The audience probably thinks that this is a Swedish film, anyway.  They
just want American action, you know, like from those smaller Southern
Californian studios for upcoming actresses.  What's that noise?
HOLLY: I don't know.  I sounds sort of like, well, you know, so maybe
this isn't the faculty lounge.

   [Rhythmic thumping.  SISTER's moans]

   CINDI: Or maybe it is.  Kids do all sorts of stuff these days in empty
classrooms.  Let's see of they want to go to Starbuck's with us for
something from Seattle.  [Raps on wall] Hey you two lovebirds!  You got
every night to do it after your folks hit the sack.
[Rhythmic thumping and moaning cease.  ZAK and SISTER emerge from
offstage looking sheepish, ZAK buckling his belt and SISTER, blouse in
hand, brushing her hair.  The Readers Theater audience, however, misses the

picture.  This is why the Readers Theater venue lost out to video.]

   THE END

   AUTHOR'S ENDNOTES

   If you're into apostrophes, Readers Theater can also be Reader's Theater
or Readers' Theater, but who cares?

   You don't have to pay William Morris Agency for performance rights.  You
don't even need my permission to alter the script.  Just let me know how
the theatrical climax went.  If somebody wants to make this into a movie,
you have to let me play my part and you have to change my hair color.

   Scotchguard does okay if your sofa's stained anyway.  1-800-433-3296 and
quote Shakespeare's Rape of Lucrece, "How may this forced stain be wiped?"
When you tell the customer rep it's teenage rocket fuel, she'll understand.

   INTERNET SOURCES

   1.  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query/static/citmatch.html. 
Malamuth, NM, Heim, M and Feshbach, S, Sexual responsiveness of college
students to rape depictions: inhibitory and disinhibitory effects, J Pers
Soc Psychol, Mar 1980, 38(3), 399-408.

   2.  http://www.bridgew.edu/depts/artscnce/jiws/June01/Susan.pdf

   3.  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/rapevictims/message

   4.  http://forums.christianity.com/html/P570476

   5. 
http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/experts/sexpro/qas/0,,189263_249958-1
,00.html

   6.  http://enchantedwings.freeservers.com/orgasm.html

   7.  http://www.silverpalaceent.com/id34.htm

   8.  http://pages.ivillage.com/boadicea66/aphroditewounded/id11.html

   9.  http://www.speakout.org.za/legal/laws/laws_newsa.html

   10. 
http://www.a-womans-touch.com/article/2/57/Can_a_woman_orgasm_during_rape.h
tml

   11.  http://www.nowldef.org/html/njep/PDFdocs/selfstudyguide.pdf

   12.  http://www.secasa.com.au/survivors/rape_article_nw.html

   ***

   Holly on the Web

   Wherever you found this story on the web, thank you to the server.  My
problem is that I've no systematic way to update the various servers.  As
literary errors (or just lame word usages) are made known, I'll repair that
which is salvageable on /~Holly_Rennick.  If you take
the time to read me, don't wade through an early version.

   You can contact me via the site's message form.
   Holly