As a kid I was always really tall for my age.  I was also
just smart enough to sound like someone older than I was. I
usually ran with kids who were several years older than I was and
I thought I was so cool because I could. When I was 10 years old
I had size 10 shoes and, by the time I was 12, I was right at
6' tall.<br>
<br>
I grew up in an upper middle class suburb where most of the kids
were white and the ones that weren't pretty much acted like
the rest of us anyway. I didn't see color or race really...
Differences were mostly social and as far as I was concerned I
was just about at the top of the food chain in school. I started
running around with older teens who looked more like me. I
thrived on it. We all thought we were some kind of badasses and
eventually we ended up in trouble.<br>
<br>
I got arrested over it and they took me to the juvenile detention
facility downtown. I had no idea what I was in for. Going through
the intake process was one of the most demeaning experiences of
my life and then, ironically, because I was so much bigger than
the kids my age they put me on the top floor with the oldest
teens. Most of them had been in trouble before. <br>
<br>
Walking down that hallway I couldn't hear myself think
because the guys in their cells were banging on the doors and the
sound was deafening. They put me in an empty cell and gave me a
mattress, sheets, and a blanket. Besides the metal bed, the only
other things in there were a scratched up piece of metal that was
supposed to be a mirror and a metal toilet with a sink attached
to it. <br>
<br>
Eventually I was let out and led to a cramped day room further
down the hallway. It was fairly calm and there was a gaurd in the
corner but I still remember feeling my stomach drop anyway as I
looked around. I was the only white person in the room and, as
big and bad as I thought I was, a lot of those kids were bigger.
I felt eyes on me as I sat down at one of the tables. I looked
around and didn't see a friendly look anywhere. I did see
lots of tattoos (some of them had them on their faces!) and some
of them obviously spent a lot of time working out in their cells
because they were way more built than I was. <br>
<br>
The TV stayed on. There was a domino game at one of the tables
and a checker set at another. Nobody said anything to me but I
still could feel their eyes on me. Sizing me up. Waiting for an
opportunity I figured. Dinner came on plastic trays and we ate in
the day room. Nobody tried to talk to me and nobody did anything
like try to take my food. I guess they preferred the day room
over being confined to the cell. I figured that's where they
kept the real bad actors anyway. Still, I had a feeling like
something was up and I wasn't going to let my gaurd down for
a second.<br>
<br>
After the dinner trays were collected they took us all back to
our cells and said it was shower time. I got a pair of flip
flops, a towel, a tiny bar of soap, and a fresh uniform roughly
my size. The gaurd was opening doors and sending them in four at
a time. They'd get about 20 minutes to undress, shower, dry
off, and get dressed. The gaurd didn't watch. He just stood
by the door and looked at his watch now and then yelling out the
time left. (I later learned it was illegal to watch us shower.)

Finally, it was my turn. I was with the last group so it was just
me and the two guys from the cell accross the hall. I walked into
the shower room and it was divided into two parts. Two benches
with low walls and two showers like you see in locker rooms. I
kept my head down and got undressed. I covered my dick and
stepped into one of the shower stalls and turned the water on. I
took the spigot furthest from the bench so my back was against
the wall. I figured I'd haul ass and get out of there as
fast as I could and maybe, just maybe, nobody was going to fuck
with me....<br>
<br>
Then they came around the low wall and got in the same shower I
was in. They turned on the water and I tried to avoid looking
like I was looking around but I was. I was afraid. Adrenaline
poured into my system. My heart was pounding and I think I was
shaking a little but I was also  ready for a fight. They
were both tall. One of them had a really dark skin tone and these
huge arms and chest. I hadn't ever seen anyone that big up
close like that before. Especially not naked.<br>
<br>
Pause. You have to understand that I may have been 6' tall
and sure I acted like I was older but I was still a 12 year old
in a shower with some very grown up looking people. I was keenly
aware of the fact that they might try to jump me and do something
to me. I also knew if I yelled for help I'd probably end up
even worse off for it. <br>
<br>
My sexual experience up to this point was limited. I knew I liked
girls. I'd done lots of heavy petting, gotten a couple of
hand jobs, and a girl went down on me for all of 2 seconds before
she freaked and wanted to stop. That was about it. Trying
something with a guy hadn't ever crossed my mind and it
wasn't ever talked about by any of my friends. I mean I knew
what being gay really meant but (as far as I was concerned) a fag
was a guy who cried when you hit him.<br>
<br>
Unpause. I'm standing under the hot water still covering my
crotch with one hand while I tried to scrub with the other. I
take a breath. I reposition and move my head just enough so I can
just see the slimmer guy. He's standing to the right of me
and I can just see him at the edge of my vision. I risk a quick
glance. He's looking away and seems to be minding his own
business but he's not bothering to cover himself up. Another
breath. I reposition again and glance left at the bigger guy. He
doesn't see it and he isn't looking at me either.
Another breath. I start to calm down a little. I've had a
particularly shitty day and my nerves are beyond shot at this
point. I think that maybe if I stay quiet and keep my gaurd up
I'll make it out of here ok.<br>
<br>
Another breath. I try to look to the left again without being
obvious about it so I can look at his build again. I can't
help but admire it. I want to look like that one day. I start to
wash the soap off and think about my future. Another breath.
Another quick look right. All good. Another breath and when I
look left I lock eyes with him. Immediately I break eye contact
but I look at him again and he's still looking at me. He
sizes me up and turns towards me.<br>
<br>
Another breath. I have never felt more naked or more vulnerable
in my entire life. I'm afraid. I look down trying to break
eye contact and see that he's got his hand on his dick.
He's stroking it and it's growing. I stare in shock and
start to panic. I back up against the shower walk. He
doesn't move towards me but he keeps stroking. I've
never seen a hard cock in real life besides my own. It's
huge. I see his muscles moving under his skin while he jacks
himself off. <br>
<br>
Another breath. I know if he comes at me I'm not going to be
able to fight him off without some kind of miracle. For the first
time since I was a toddler I feel truly helpless. I feel a little
sick. He's looking at me the same way I look at a girl or a
particularly good cut of steak... hungry. I don't want this
but something on me gives and I lower the hand covering my
crotch. I'm not hard. I stand there reeling and I let him
look at me.<br>
I'm so vulnerable and ashamed of what I find myself doing. I
turn sideways so he can see some of my ass. He's got to be
16 or 17. He looks like he's in his 20's. I don't
look like it but I'm 12... he doesn't know. But I do. I
started puberty during the summer between 3rd and 4th grade. I
was a predator... but standing naked in the shower in front of
him. Watching him. Willingly giving him what he wants. My ego is
stripped away. He looks at me like a girl. I arch my back some
and clumsily try to arch my back for him.<br>
<br>
Another breath. The other guy is on the other side of the wall
drying off. The gaurd calls 5 minutes. I don't know why
I'm not hard. I'm not touching myself  but I feel
like I might cum anyway. I turn to face him again and rinse the
last of the soap off me. He steps towards me and I freeze. He
grabs me by the hair. I try to pull back out of reflex but
he's much too strong and he  pulls me back and makes me
look down.<br>
<br>
Another breath. His huge dick looks hard as steel and
there's a wet slapping sound as he pounds his fist.
It's inches away from my stomach. I can feel the heat coming
off him and he's breathing heavy Suddenly, I'm
slipping. He's dragging me down by the hair and I land on my
ass hard. The spell is broken. I start to try and get up to
fight. He pulls my head back and I reach up grab his arm but then
I realize that he's cumming.<br>
<br>
He looks down at me and I can feel the cum hitting my face.
I'm not in the spray of one of the showers. Some of it drips
off into my lap. We lock eyes and I stop struggling. I just let
him finish. He quickly washes off and jumps the wall to dry off
and get dressed. I stand up and wash it off me and move to dry
off and get dressed.<br>
<br>
When I make it back to my cell I lay down and my mind is
spinning. The lights dim, lights out I guess. I see it all
happening again. And this time I am hard. I think about the way
he made me feel and I get off on it twice and fall asleep. He
went somewhere the next day. I never saw him again... but that
experience changed my life forever. <br>
<br>
I still like girls but sometimes when I'm stressed out about
life in general I still fantasize about it. I close my eyes and
think about surrender and having the power and responsibility
taken away from me. I think about being the prey instead of the
predator. I feel that impulse sometimes. Maybe I'll do
something about it one day.