Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 The Session (gm, ff, FF, F+) By Dryad

   The room was comfortable.  It reminded Lacey of her grandmother's house.
The late afternoon sun came through the windows in rays, highlighting the
dust moats.  She wondered if it was meant to make her feel comfortable, or
if that was just the way the owner like it.  She settled deeper into the
overstuffed chair.

   "What can I do for you?" the woman asked as she made green tea for them
both.

   "I don't know." Lacey's gaze wandered to the corner of the ceiling.

   "You mentioned some things on the phone to me.  Could you tell me more
about that?" She handed her the mug of steaming tea.

   Lacey held it to her face, breathing deeply before her mouth opened,
then closed, as though a fish gasping for air.

   "I don't know.  Something isn't right." She said finally.  Lacey lowered
her head and whispered into her cup, "I think I'm addicted to sex."

   Her doctor nodded and said, "When do you think it began?"

   "I was 8.  Grew up on a farm, not exactly poor, but certainly not
well-to-do.  I had no idea what sex was, only knew the word 'fuck' was the
quickest way to get a taste of soap.  One of the hand's teenage sons used
to come down, help with work, feed the cows, help with haying.  He was 15,
quiet." She stopped and drank more tea.  "The long and short of it was, one
day, with his little brother and sister there, decided we'd play "house." I
was the oldest girl, so guess who was mommy?" She twisted the mug handle in
her hand.  "He never actually fucked me, though that isn't to say he didn't
try.  He would kiss me, fondle my chest.  Would have me hold his penis,
squeeze it, put it in my mouth.  He would lick at me..." her eyes closed.
"Suddenly, I knew about kissing...real kissing, knew what my chest was,
knew all this stuff, I really shouldn't have known yet." She took a deep
breath.  "I thought something wasn't quite right.  Just a feeling. 
Mentioned it to him, and he avoided the issue.  Things kept happening."
Squirming in her seat, she continued.  "My mom asked me one day what we
played, asked me what he did.  I answered her.  Next I knew, he was sent
away, Juvie, and I never had to really deal with it.  It of course, was all
done very quietly.  Everyone acted like nothing had happened."

   The doctor shifted in her seat, silently waiting for Lacey to continue.

   "It didn't really seem to affect me then.  I knew more than some
perhaps, but it didn't change my life." She pulled her legs beneath her.

   "Why do you think that was when it began?"

   "Maybe having that kind of knowledge too early?" she shrugged, "I
dunno." She pulled her knees up to her chest.

   "It was a while before things came back.  My best friend, Leigh, knew.
When we were in eighth grade, people around us started dating, and she got
curious." Lacey smiled.  "She asked me what it was like to kiss, what
things felt like.  We began sleeping over each other's houses a lot that
summer; often at hers, since she had a pool.  We used to skinny dip in the
pool.  Touching each other was different from the touches I had gotten from
guys.  It was so much softer, felt like the water, caressing me." She
gulped her tea.

   "Yes, and then?" the doctor noted.

   "I never thought it was wrong to be with her, we were just figuring
stuff out.  But by the next year, we started looking into other ways.  It's
not like we could go out and buy toys, so we had to get inventive.  Candles
were an obvious, squash, cucumbers, even a curling iron.  We never thought
we were together, we were just friends.  We'd have boyfriends, complain
about what bad kissers they were, and later, how bad they were in bed and
compare notes.  I could never get enough." She sighed.  " We went on like
that all through high school.  She was there for me.  Always.  Then, we
graduated.  That summer was the best and the worst.  We were inseparable.
But summers end, and we were going to different schools.  We stayed in
touch; we STAY in touch...but it's not the same anymore." Lacey stood up
and stretched her arms up over her head, then dropped back down into her
seat.

   "When I went away to college, some friends had learned that I had been
molested.  It was well known the shrink there...Oops sorry," Lacey blushed.

   "Continue, Lacey," The doctor smiled, "as long as you aren't calling me
a quack, we'll get along just fine."

   "Well, anyway, the counselor there must've had her own hang-ups, because
she wouldn't ever deal with sexual problems; she always tried to blame
problems on my parents.  So, a bunch of us met and had an unofficial
support group.  We decided in our group that women do one of two things
when they've been molested or raped.  Either they withdraw, or they more or
less turn into sluts.  After all, you can't rape the willing, so you
started blaming yourself, rather than the ass you slept with."

   "That's an interesting hypothesis.  Mind if I borrow it?" The doctor's
pencil was poised.

   "Hell, you can have it, if helps someone else."

   The doctor nodded with a smile and jotted something in her notebook.

   "Well, I was pretty wild when I was in school.  I went to an all women's
college; thought if I went there, I'd pay more attention to my work, rather
than drooling over men.  I was wrong -- I spent more time looking for the
men.  But, being in an all women's college was odd.  I knew a lot of the
women were into each other, but I always considered myself strictly het. 
Lesbians were fine, they just didn't get me going.  Until my junior year.
I'm okay on time, right?"

   "We have all the time we need, Lacey -- please continue," the doctor
said.

   Lacey sighed and looked down at her mug.  To her surprise, she'd emptied
it.  She looked up to the doctor.  "Could I have more tea?"

   The doctor smiled, stood up, and took her cup.  "Of course, dear.  Why
don't you continue while I get you a refill?"

   "Junior year, I had a new roommate.  She was really out there.  I think
I found out who most of the lesbians in school were the first semester.  By
the end of my first semester, my boyfriend and I had broken up." She
accepted the refilled mug from the doctor and took a sip.

   "She dragged me to a concert with her.  Said I was moping too much, and
spending way too much on batteries.  Said she'd have to take me out, or buy
stock in Energizer." Lacey laughed.  "Her and a bunch of her friends.  It
was a great concert, the music was so vibrant, made me move, and we were
all jostling each other." Lacey's eyes looked far away, before shaking
herself out of it.  "Anyway, we were pretty crammed into her little Civic
on the way back.  One of her friends' hands kept moving into my lap.  I
didn't think anything of it at first, but it had been a while since I'd had
some, and the music got to me, and I realized I was missing it.  What I had
with Leigh."

   Lacey sighed deeply.  "That was really the beginning.  Before that, at
the concert, I was active, but it was controlled.  The ride home in the
back of the car became an orgy.  Hands in the dark, movement, and quiet,
soft touches.  Clothes seemed to slip off.  Hands and lips that were
tender, sweet.  I lost control.  Nothing mattered but how I was being
touched.  I was the center of all this attention, not a guy who was just
concerned with getting off.  "

   "How did you feel about that?" the doctor questioned.

   "Thrilled!  I was a mass of nerves and responses, just a bundle of
feeling.  There were no..." She searched for the word, " pretenses.  It
wasn't like I had to be a certain way, like when I was with guys.  It was
liberating.  It was very emotional." She twisted the mug in her hand again,
looking into it, before looking at the doctor.  "It was like a switch
flipped in my body.  I couldn't get enough.  Our room was like fuckfest
central.  Actually had a huge fight with some other girls on our floor. 
They actually tried to take us to court." Lacey chuckled lightly.

   "When the college couldn't do anything, they wanted to bring this civil
suit up against us for disturbing the peace.  I mean, you get 6 or 8 of us
in that room, and we could get pretty loud."

   "What happened next?" the woman asked.

   "Well, one of the seniors, her friend had a friend, who would be
sympathetic to our cause, who took our case.  She won it for us quite
easily.  We had a party when we won, and invited her.  She was found in our
room quite often after that." Lacey shook her head.  "I mean, come on, what
kind of woman seduces her lawyer?."

   The doctor stopped and looked at Lacey.

   "I know, I know, that's something I have to answer for myself.  But I
don't know!" Agitated, Lacey got up and began moving around the room.  Her
gaze shifted quickly from item to item in the room.  "I like this lamp,
where did you get it?"

   "Thank you, Downtown." She smiled.  "What happened after that?"

   "We won't even talk about my grades.  That semester, I don't know how I
managed to pass my classes.  If I wasn't in class, I was having sex, or
sleeping."

   "By senior year, we had quite a reputation.  I never realized it went to
the professors too, but what did I know?" Lacey shrugged.

   "We were still pretty active in our room, but it was generally kept to
weekends.  I had this TA position, that I was really hyped about.  The
professor requested me, was a really famous writer.  We're talking serious
professional adoration." She took a gulp before continuing.

   "I never thought about it until just now.  She knew.  She was seducing
me." She looked stunned.  "All the touches, the working late, the
closeness....wow." Lacey sat quietly for a few moments.  "She used to have
me work at her house.  Said it was easier, all her research was there, the
atmosphere helped her write better." She stood up, began to meander the
room.

   She shook her head.  "About half way through the semester, we were
lovers.  She taught me a lot about myself, what I found myself liking, what
others liked.  It was like she was still my teacher.  I have to thank her
for that.  It was like..." She thought for a moment.  "Did you know making
love is an art, and not an action?  I didn't at the time."

   She flopped back down in the chair.  "We got really close, but when I
graduated, she accepted a fellow overseas.  It seemed fate, I was leaving
anyway."

   "After I graduated, things changed.  I was working hard in a publishing
house, but I was out every night.  Usually, with women, but occasionally,
I'd get desperate and go out with a guy.  Then there were the weekends.  My
apartment was a huge orgy.  Men and women, crawling over me, tying me down,
fucking me with dicks and dildos, sucking at me, licking me, making me
return favors."

   "How did it make you feel?" the doctor injected.

   "Lost.  Lonely.  The kind of lonely that is really deep, when you're
surrounded by people, and still alone.  I think I was trying to make that
feeling go away, and I'd just feel lost, hurt, dirty.  Like I was a slut."
She looked down, and furtively swiped her eyes.

   "Then I met Josie.  She was a friend, not someone I'd played around
with. And she would ask me to go with her clubbing and stuff.  It slowed my
bacchanalic life.  And then I found out she was interested in me.  It was
like old fashioned dating." She laughed softly, "Wondering if I should kiss
her, wondering if she would kiss me, being happy holding hands...sharing
everything.  But when I wasn't with her, I'd be back out, hunting down new
conquests."

   "Last weekend, we were going out to her cottage.  Its out on the lake,
so it's a nice drive, and pretty private.  Do you remember that storm we
had?"

   The Doctor nodded, "It was pretty fierce."

   "You're not kidding." Lacey's voice pitched higher, "The power was out,
and the trees were rapping at the roof, and you could hear the wind over
the water.  It used to be such power would thrill me.  Even the flames on
the candles were flickering from the wind.  I felt so scared, like it was
an echo of my punishment." Her words came faster, " I flipped out, I told
Josie everything." She started to cry.  "I love her, and I don't want to
lose her.  I want my control back!" Tears were pouring into the empty mug.

   The doctor nodded, "and now the work begins."

   Fin


   Copyright 2002 Dryad (gbbjg@yahoo.com) /~Dryad