Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. The Oregon Letter By Donna Z. Preface: I do get letters now and then, and some of the letters are asking very good questions. However, the letter of January the 19th, 2006 from a woman asking about my pre-occupation with the lustful aspects of lesbian attraction and love deserves a special answer of its own. As many realize, ASSTR stories are about sex, and sex play. Some of the play is extreme, and much of this interaction is fanciful to say the least. But, that is the nature of a site like this. So, it should come as no surprise to anyone that if you wanted to clear your mind of guilty sexual fantasies, you could try to write them down. Also, if you were trying to remind yourself of the joys of youthful sexual innocence lost, and how much you enjoyed yourself, and how empowered you felt after the play was over, then writing such stories down is good too. This is a posted reply to a letter. Donna Z. ****************** Dear Donna, the Oregon Letter: This letter was from a woman in Oregon asking about my fascination with extreme elements of lesbian sex play, and my seeming fixation upon the sexual elements of lesbianism over the romantic aspects of same. The letter appears to be written by a woman who is possibly lesbian or at least bisexual, and I think experienced in lesbian affairs. The questions are pointed, feminism appears to be a concern, and there is a detectable uneasiness about inter-racial lesbianism, and certain sexual and non-sexual activities that I write about. Let's begin. Dear Oregon Woman. Thank you for your interesting letter from January. Due to family issues I have been unable to devote much, if any, time to writing stories for ASSTR or answering letters, so please consider this posting at ASSTR my answer to you; which I wish to share with others as well. The first point you made was the claim that I was reducing women to sexual object status. I strongly disagree. Lesbianism is viewed in the manner that it is precisely because of the sexual aspects of our play, like it or not. There is much more to lesbian living than sex, and I would think at this late date that nearly everyone knows this. Secondly, we know that the sexual view is a male view of our lifestyle. But what is the female view? Well gee; do think it might be one of private acceptance, and a desire not to have either our abilities, or for that matter our personal morality judged by our choice of bed partners? Do you think "live and let live" might apply here? I think so. I didn't come out as a lesbian woman until I had done the "adult things," and I was 17 at that time. I fell into the main group that comes out about lesbianism at around age 18. Not to belabor this point, but there are age groupings for women who come out, and these are in order of occurrence: 18; 30; 45 to 50; and the least common of the so-called common ages, 13...an age that I personally find unusually young for such activity, but my present lover says it's not so unusual, but I think she is talking on personal terms and not societal ones. However, I was comfortably out with myself "being different" by age 15 and not troubled by my friendships with "queeries," as girls thought to be "different" were called at our school. Perhaps this was because there was and still is such a deep and silent running lesbian undertow at our school and indeed, in our city in the Midwest of the United States. "Lesbianism" as "committed" [and "committed" is the proper word] in my age group was mainly experimentation. Remembering how joyous, thrilling, and plainly heart racing the sexuality could be, is not now nor has this ever been anti woman, in any way. Curiosity about sex play, leads to sex play, that's the way it is, and how it works. Does this trump the romantic aspects of hand holding, walking together, talking over lunch, and doing things like homework together? No, it doesn't. But, in high school, we girls had to be careful about appearances and we had to contain physical contacts with our girlfriends regardless of how in love and sexualized our friendships might have been, and I saw recently on "Countdown" that administrators are squelching all sorts of hugging and hand holding in school. Affection and romantic appearance is nice, but lust is real, and is there. Since I consider lesbian sexuality to be better sexuality, and hanker for, lust after and generally prefer woman much more than men, I think writing out my remembrances, and yes, sometimes my fantasies too is healthy, and if another young woman with orientation issues like I had can be helped by them, then I am very happy. "Oregon Woman's" next issue was about how my stories actually endorse risky sex play and "clubbing." For those not in the know, "Clubbing" is another name for the sex that may occur in a lesbian or mixed gay club somewhere. Some of you may have seen the episode on a "Cinemax" late night series about the young woman who sought out mannish looking women at a club for the purpose of being publically dildo fucked from behind. My lover and I have done the exact same thing, and I admit to getting quite a vicarious thrill out of seeing other women lusting after me, though they will not have me. Club sex happens, but the key is to minimize the risk and that is pretty simple when you think about it. Avoid oral sex with strangers in a club setting, and that includes analingus too, especially. Use condoms to cover your strap-on if you wear one out in public, or use a thigh strap, and roll a fresh condom over the dildo every time you use it. Wash your hands before and after quickies in the women's room. Safe play is easy to understand, don't you think? I try to end every story with a plea for woman readers to enjoy and practice safe sex, and not to abuse their friends and lovers with risky activities. Next, "Oregon" made an issue about the voyeur aspects of a lesbian relationship and how this was destructive. But, I refuse to lie about a situation like being in the rest room and seeing that the person in the next stall has "4 feet." I can get quite turned on by seeing such a thing, especially if I have a compact mirror with me and can sneak a peek at the next door couple. Yes, I can be a voyeur, and I am not alone. I was with a closed and close circle of friends and we knew about everything there was to know about each other, right down to family issues. We were tight, and loyal as can be expected to one another, and we kept each others secrets from getting beyond the group, but had no secrets within the group unless you just kept things to yourself. Within such a situation, once the sexual genie is turned loose, things can get a little weird. "Oregon's next issue was about depravity within the relationship. Being a "butt nut" leaves a woman in a quandary, because within the "community," anything as intimate and personal as sharing oral-anal play, and actually enjoying doing that, is not spoken of, and "no one does such a thing that I know of" is often the answer anyone gets when they ask about butt play. So if oral-anal is a "no-no" for general conversations, then admitting that you have watched your lover and some of your friends do their dump are about 100 times less likely to be ever spoken of. However, I have watched my lover go on a couple of occasions, and some of my friends too, and they have seen me go as well. You can't have secrets between yourselves if you know everything to the last detail about each other. Shonda and I knew each other to the last detail. I also knew some others as well. But, did this intensely private activity lead to deeper depravity? No, it didn't. It may have been gross, smelled horribly, and been quite juvenile, but it didn't cause insane activity, if anything it was quite a discouragement to any further exploration of such things. ASSTR has allowed me to get over the "uneasiness" of admitting that I have seen another woman push out her poop, and that I was both a bit excited and somewhat fascinated as well as revolted by the entire spectacle. What's more I was this woman's lover, and best friend. Just being able to blurt this out in confession fashion eased my concerns. I learned I wasn't alone, and that no one talking about it was simply a cover-up. And even here, with the measure of anonymity that we share, how uneasy we are when we wish to really tell the truth about a relationship and the things we shared. Next, Oregon, I find your couched racism disturbing. Racism is a sad fact of life in this society. I refuse to apologize for having had a black lesbian lover and hope you get over your racist attitude soon. There is enough racism in the lesbian community already without adding more. Shonda and I were long time best friends before we ever held hands on the back porch, or pinched each other's butts while going up a flight of stairs. Our drift into adult sex play was mutual and was mutually agreeable. After that it was easy to start up the play if desire and lust demanded. That Shonda is black is incidental. That I am white is incidental. What was consequential in our relationship was the depth of our love. After we went off to the university and got to living together as a monogamous, exclusively lesbian couple, the love we had for each other just grew greater. We weren't so much into role playing, nor were we given over to "obligatory" dress coding. We were both a bit "lipstick" but when the lights went out, it was a "me Jane, you Jane" situation, and we simply took turns pleasuring each other. But this stuff about "holding back" Shonda because of color is nonsense. Nothing ever held back Shonda, and she didn't hold me down either. If anything, we were mutually supporting people who happened to be in love, and frequently acted upon our sexual impulses. If you find a lover and she happens to be black are you going to reject her on the basis of color? Come on Oregon, be honest. Sincerely, Donna Z. --------- Hi, this is Donna Z. I wrote this last February, and forgot about it due to the upheaval in my life that the death of my husband caused. I could not get into replying to a letter that seems to be from a possibly lesbian woman under those conditions and just recently re-discovered this letter and the original e-mail from 2006. I have added to the reply to this letter a bit, most notably with the Countdown story about administrators pooh-poohing hand holding and hugging in schools.. However, now that stability has returned in my life, I feel the time to answer is here, especially since I am living with another woman in a long term, monogamous, lesbian relationship, and very happily at that. It now becomes imperative to reply. In our "community" it is disheartening to see so many deliberately unhappy, if not self-repressed women. So many really out and comfortable about it women seem contrasted against the sour, cynical, unhappy women that are few in number but outsized in influence. Too many have been impacted by the "sour crowd." We need to reject the sourness. Lesbianism is about getting free and staying free in a society that wishes we were under a man's thumb. I have lived with a man, happily too, but I want to say that heterosexuality is a bit over-rated, and if you have the orientation issue I call "the lesbian bug," no amount of copulation, fumbled cunnilingus while you do fellatio to the last spurt, and no number of children are going to make that "bug" go away, and recent claims of religious power ending homosexual impulses is fanciful nonsense. The "bug" is in you yourself, and is not delivered by devils. The more experience you have, the tougher the bug is too. So, do you fight yourself? Well, only if you want to look really silly. Instead, I like something that sounds awfully macho from a Clint Eastwood movie my brother likes, the line goes "You improvise, you adapt, you overcome." With Joy, I have been able to overcome a fear of a long term lesbian commitment, a fear that I actually did not recognize, though it took the sad and untimely death of my husband for this to happen. Now that it has happened however. How can I possibly be sour, cynical, or deliberately unhappy? So Oregon, thanks for the letter, and I hope things get better for you real soon. The one you need to be concerned about is you. Donna Z. and her obscure stories are not the problem dear. --------- To readers, this will probably be the last letter of this type I will write, as my "biographical" period is over. Joy has helped me find myself in ways I never thought about. We are happy, healthy and safe. Different and lustier stories are on the way, and that is a promise. See you soon, Donna Z. Xoxoxoxoxoxo, and lots of hugs. PS Hope to see you at the Dinah Shore Weekend this April in Palm Springs, Ca. I can't wait to get my "Dinah Virgin" tank top!