Reassurance
Again I woke up to the sound of Kimmy sobbing against my chest, and I knew she was having another nightmare.
"Kimmy?" I said, gently nudging her awake. Her eyes opened, and she stared up at me with fear.
"Daddy!" she cried. "Please make him go away! I don't want to go back with him."
"Who?" I asked.
"Troy!" she sobbed.
"Troy's not here, honey. He's in prison. I promise he'll never hurt you again."
"But I saw him at the window!" she insisted. "He said he came to take me back."
Although I knew it was all in her imagination, the thought gave me a sudden chill. I glanced over at the window, and the closed blinds confirmed that there was no way she could have seen Troy there.
"It was just a bad dream, sweetheart," I told her gently.
"But it was so real!" She buried her head in my chest and continued to sob, and nothing I could do seemed to help. I spoke soothing words to her, I hugged her to me, I gently stroked her hair, but to no avail.
Then I remembered last night, when she had had a similar nightmare. She had done something that had calmed her, something I was a little reluctant to try. But if it would help...
I made up my mind. I rolled her over onto her back and lay beside her on the bed. Then I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. Her eyes opened wide with surprise for a second, then she closed her eyes and relaxed. I could feel the tenseness draining from her body as I continued to kiss her, and I realized that it was affecting me in a similar manner. I just wanted to lie here and kiss her luscious lips all night.
But that would be wrong. A simple kiss between father and daughter, especially to chase away the bad dreams, was perfectly fine, though this kind of kiss was pushing the boundaries. If I were to continue, though, I would be stepping way over the line.
When I drew back after about thirty seconds, Kimmy sighed, a contented smile on her lips and her eyes still closed. "Oh Daddy!" she breathed. Then she lay there unmoving, and I realized that she had fallen asleep again. I continued to watch her for a few minutes, this beautiful little girl, this precious angel that had so recently come into my life. She was my darling, my sweetheart, my daughter.
I lay awake for the longest time, just holding her in my arms. It felt so nice to be near her like this, to lie here in bed with her and just stare at her adorable little face. She still had the remains of that smile on her face as she slept peacefully, and I felt joy in the thought that I had been the one to give it to her.
The taste of her sweet mouth lingered, and I licked my lips, savoring it. I could get used to that. My god, she was the most kissable girl I had ever known! I found myself almost wishing that she would never get over the nightmares, so that I could comfort her like that every night. But no, that was selfish of me, to want to cause her suffering just for my own pleasure. If I allowed myself such thoughts, I would be a horrible person. The nightmares would soon end, and I would only encourage their disappearance. Still, I could enjoy it when they did happen.
After staring at her lovely face for an eternity, I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes, cuddling her in my arms. I was glad that she still wanted to sleep in my bed even though she had one of her own. She had said that she would sleep with me until I found a girlfriend, and right now, that was the last thing I wanted to do. All I wanted was to be with my daughter.
In the morning, I awoke to a strange and erotic feeling in my shorts. I lay there half-asleep for a while, wondering what it could be but lacking the willpower to move long enough to find out. Kimmy lay there in my arms still, her head resting on my chest and her warm body pressed up against mine.
Part of me wanted to just lie there with her for as long as possible, basking in the delightful softness of her body, the rhythmic rising and falling of her breast, the calming sound of her breathing, even her subtle yet sweet fragrance.
But there was still that feeling between my legs, and something in the back of my mind told me that it was not right.
Kimmy sighed and shifted her position, and that feeling momentarily intensified. Suddenly, I knew what it was. My heart began to pound in my chest as I realized she had her hand down my shorts, and was grasping my cock!
Had she done it deliberately? Had she given in to those feelings that she had admitted she had toward me? Or was it something unconscious, something that just happened while she slept? The latter was much more likely, but just the thought of the former...
Whatever the reason, I had to put an end to it before she woke. I reached down and gently but firmly tried to pry her hand off, but she only squeezed it more tightly.
I couldn't believe how good it felt. Every motion of her tiny little hand sent waves of pleasure through me. The fact that she was my own daughter, rather than disgusting me gave it an erotic edge that wouldn't otherwise be there. The forbidden nature of it only served to heighten my lust.
If she didn't release me soon, I was liable to go off, and then we would have a much worse problem on hand. I tried once again to pry her hand off, but to no avail. It was as if she didn't want to release me, no matter how hard I tried.
Suddenly her eyes opened and she lifted up her head. I froze in shock, completely lost as to what I should do.
"Good morning, Daddy," she said sweetly.
"Um... good morning," I replied.
She yawned, then lay her head back down on my chest. Then she glanced down and saw where her hand was.
Finally she withdrew it, both to my relief and disappointment. Part of me had wanted her to keep it there, and in fact to do so much more.
"Sorry," she giggled. "I didn't realize where I had my hand. I hope you weren't embarrassed."
"Maybe just a little," I admitted. "I guess I was more embarrassed for you."
"Why?" she asked. "It's not like it's the first one I've touched before."
"But I'm your father!"
"Yeah, I guess that makes it wrong," she sighed.
"Well, let's just forget it happened," I told her, and she nodded.
She yawned again, then kissed me on the chest.
"Daddy?" she said, glancing up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes of hers. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, honey," I smiled.
"Last night..." she said. "When I was having my nightmare..." She looked down, and I could tell she was a little nervous about asking the question.
I reached out and stroked her cheek affectionately. "It's all right, dear," I told her. "Go ahead and ask me."
"Well... why did you kiss me like that?"
I withdrew my hand and sighed. I had wondered whether she would even remember it, or if she did, if she would want to talk about it.
"You're right," I said. "I shouldn't have done it."
"That's not what I meant," she hurriedly insisted. "It's all right. You can kiss me like that if you want."
"Really?" I asked, surprised.
"Really," she confirmed. "I liked it. A lot. I was just wondering why you did it. I mean, it wasn't like a daddy kiss at all. It was more like a boyfriend kiss. When I closed my eyes, for just a moment I could imagine that you were my boyfriend."
"That's why I shouldn't do it," I told her. "I only kissed you because the previous night, you kissed me like that, and it seemed to calm you down. Last night the nightmare must have been really bad because nothing else I tried could make you feel better. So I gave it a shot, and it worked."
"Oh," she replied, and I could see the tiniest trace of disappointment on her face. I wondered what that meant. I leaned in and kissed her, this time innocently on the forehead. She sighed and curled up in my arms.
"Daddy?" she asked again.
"Yes, sweetheart."
"Is it wrong that I liked it so much?"
That was a hard question to answer. If she was committing some kind of crime just by enjoying that kiss, then many of my thoughts so far were felonious. But neither of us could help it, and perhaps that was an answer in and of itself.
"I don't think you can really call feelings wrong. You don't have any control over them, after all. It's acting on them that's wrong sometimes. For instance if we kept kissing each other like that."
"But what if I have another dream about Troy?"
That was a very good point. Last night it was the only thing that helped her to get over the bad dream.
"I suppose... I suppose it's all right to make an exception like that," I told her. But only to help calm her down after the nightmare, I told myself unconvincingly.
"So does that mean you liked it too?" she asked.
"Yes, sweetheart," I answered, feeling an obligation to tell her the truth since she had been so truthful with me. "You're a beautiful girl, Kimmy. Any man would love to kiss you like that."
"Troy didn't," she said, looking away.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up--"
"No, it's okay. I know you don't want to hear this, but sometimes I just need to talk about it with someone I trust. I just haven't ever had anyone like that before."
"You can tell me as little or as much as you want, Kimmy. Whatever you feel comfortable with."
"Well, Troy never really kissed me. Whenever he took me, it was always about his pleasure, never about mine. To him I was just a toy to be used. If I ever did anything he didn't like, he... he hit me. He made me do things... I... I'm sorry. I thought I could talk about it, but..."
"It's all right, sweetheart," I reassured her. "Try not to think about it. That's all in the past now. You're safe with me. I'll never hurt you like that, and I'll never let anyone else hurt you either."
"But Daddy, there's something I'm worried about."
"What is it, Kimmy?"
"Well, it's kind of embarrassing. I'm almost scared to bring it up, but I need to tell somebody."
"I promise I won't get mad or think any less of you, if that's what concerns you."
"I know. It's just hard to say."
"It's up to you. If you want to tell me, it's all right."
"Well, I... I'm kind of worried, with all of the things Troy did with me, I mean I've been... well... sexually active."
"I know, and it doesn't bother me. It wasn't your fault, after all, so there's absolutely no reason to feel guilty."
"But that's not it. I was just wondering if maybe there's something wrong with me because... because I've never had an orgasm."
That surprised me. One look at her body was enough to see that she was already mature enough to be capable of those feelings, so it wasn't that she was too young. And she was certainly experienced enough.
"It's probably because Troy was so horrible to you," I said. "Like you said, sex was never for your pleasure, but always for his."
"But maybe that means I'm broken. Maybe because of that, now there's something wrong with me, and I'll never be able to feel an orgasm."
"I don't think that's the case," I reassured her. "You just need a positive experience to get you over all of the negative ones you had. You need someone to make love to you. Really make love to you, not just have sex. Someone who will treat you with respect and kindness and gentleness and love."
"Like you?" she asked, staring up at me once again with those big brown eyes.
My own eyes opened wide with shock. "Well... no... I mean..." I stammered, feeling myself growing red.
She giggled. "I'm sorry, Daddy," she said with a smile. "I didn't mean to embarrass you."
"Then don't tease me like that."
"I wasn't teasing. I was being completely honest."
"Really?" I asked, astonished.
"Don't worry, Daddy. I know it's wrong, so I'm not asking you to do it. But I also know that you're the kindest, sweetest, most handsome man in the whole world, and there's no one else I would rather do it with than you. But I guess I'll just have to wait until I can find Mr. Second-best."
I relaxed as she explained herself. It still made me feel uncomfortable to know that she thought of me like that, especially with her flaunting her body all the time in front of me. Worse still was the thought that I was thinking of her in the same way. All of my defenses were being gradually torn down.
Still, I couldn't blame her. She had no more control over her feelings than I had over my own, and her only crime was in being so honest with me, which was really no crime at all.
There was something else in her words that disturbed me as well, and I knew I had to address it before it went too far.
"Sweetheart," I said, "maybe you shouldn't be too eager. I mean, maybe you should wait a while."
"Why? It's not like it's something I haven't done before."
"I know, but you didn't have a choice. Now that you do, don't you think it would be better to take a break from... well..."
"Sex?" she finished for me.
"Exactly. I guess I'm just a typical dad. I don't like the thought of my daughter having sex before she's ready to handle the responsibility. That's part of the reason why I hate Troy so much. And I don't want you to make the same mistake that your mother and I did. I can live with a mistake that ruins my own life, but it breaks my heart to think that I ruined yours."
"But you didn't!" she insisted. "I don't blame you at all, and I don't regret anything. If all those bad things hadn't happened to me, maybe I wouldn't recognize just how good you are to me now, and maybe I wouldn't love you as much as I do."
I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. "Thank you, darling. It means so much to me to hear you say that. I can't bear the thought of you hating me for what I put you through."
"I don't hate you. I love you."
I continued to hug her for a while, just basking in the tenderness of the embrace.
"Daddy?" she said after a couple of minutes.
"Yes, sweetie?"
"Do you love me now?"
I let her go and drew back, smiling at her. "I wish I could tell you yes, but the truth is that I don't know."
"That's okay," she grinned. "Yesterday the answer was no, so at least we're moving in the right direction."
I laughed. "Good point. But anyway, will you think about what I said? About waiting until you're ready, I mean."
"But that could be years before I find out if there's anything wrong with me," she insisted.
I sighed. I could tell that this was really bothering her, and she needed some kind of immediate reassurance. Unfortunately, it wasn't just something I could tell her; even if I promised that there was nothing wrong with her, that wouldn't be good enough. It scared me that she might go out and have sex with the first boy she met. At her age, that was the last thing she needed. Despite her previous history with Troy, I really did feel that she should wait.
There was another possibility, though. She only needed to have an orgasm, then she would have all the reassurance she needed. And that didn't require anyone else's help necessarily.
"Kimmy," I said, a little hesitantly. "There might be another way."
"Really?" she asked, her eyes brightening up with curiosity.
"Do you ever... do you ever touch yourself?"
She began to grow red, and I could see that for the first time since meeting her, I had embarrassed her. She nodded, though.
"It's all right," I told her. "There's nothing wrong with that. I just think that maybe that's a way that you can find out without anyone's help."
"But I've tried that before, and it doesn't work," she said. "I've never been able to give myself an orgasm either."
"Well, maybe you just need to keep practicing. It will come eventually."
"Daddy?" she asked.
"What is it, honey?"
"Would you show me?"
Now it was my turn to be embarrassed.
"Um... I don't think..."
"But maybe I'm doing it wrong," she insisted. "Maybe if I did it right, I could finally have an orgasm."
"I don't think that's such a good idea."
"Why not?"
It was a simple enough question, and despite any discomfort it might cause me, I figured she deserved the truth. "Because I'm already having thoughts about you that I shouldn't. If I were to see you doing that, I might not be able to control myself. I know you trust me. I just wish I trusted myself."
"Oh," she said, apparently accepting my answer.
I kissed her on the forehead, then stood up and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. As I stood under the water, I thought about what was happening. It was hard to believe that I was being tempted by my own daughter. Worse still, she wasn't exactly subtle about her feelings toward me. Perhaps all I would have to do would be to ask, and she would let me...
No! I couldn't afford to think such thoughts. I had already crossed too many lines with her. I had kissed her, I had taken a bath with her, and now I was considering going even further. She wanted me to be with her when she touched herself. Oh god! That thought alone was enough to drive me crazy. If I were to take her up on that offer, I knew I wouldn't be able to restrain myself. And then things would change around here. She would be thrust back into that nightmare that she had just left, but this time it would be worse, because she would have nothing to hope for. The man she had dreamed would take her away from it all would have betrayed her.
I could never do that to her, not to this little girl who needed me so much. I was coming to realize, too, how much I needed her. After all of the things that had happened to me lately, she gave me a purpose in life again. Little Kimmy, my darling daughter, was the best thing that ever happened to me, and all I wanted to do for the rest of my life was make her happy. I would do anything for this girl that I loved so very much.
I froze in stunned silence as I realized the nature of the thought that had just passed through my head. This girl that I loved! Yes, it was true. In less than two days, I had grown to love her. I hadn't believed it could be possible. Granted, Kimmy had claimed she loved me from the first moment she saw me, but she had a long history of loving that fantasy, that imaginary me. She had merely transferred that love to the real thing. But I had never even known she existed until that day in the Department of Social Services. Now, three days later, I loved her.
Or had it happened even sooner than that? Perhaps I, like Kimmy, had fallen in love with her the first time we met. Maybe I just wasn't willing to admit it, because I thought it was supposed to take a long time for things like that to happen. Or maybe I pretended not to love her because I also felt myself attracted to her and couldn't come to terms with just how I loved her.
None of that mattered now, though. Sure, I was still attracted to her, but I also loved her as a daughter. My daughter, I thought with a smile. And I was her daddy. I couldn't wait to see her again, so that I could say the words she had been longing to hear from my lips.
I turned off the water and quickly dried myself off. Maybe when I told her I loved her, she would wrap her arms around me and hug me. Wouldn't that be nice. Or maybe she would kiss me on the cheek, which would be even nicer.
I wrapped the towel around my waist just in case she was still in my room, then opened the door.
There she was, lying on the bed with her eyes closed. Her deep breathing told me that she was asleep. She lay on her back with her hair splayed out over my pillow, knees slightly bent to the side, and both arms partially raised to put her upturned palms near her forehead. I watched her for a few seconds, taking in the beauty of her young face, with her delicate lips slightly parted as she breathed.
My heart pounded in my chest as I felt that familiar stirring in my groin. Such an angel as I had never beheld now lay slumbering in my bed, so innocent, so childlike, so vulnerable. A lesser man than me would surely take advantage of the situation.
Or was I that lesser man? How could I resist such temptation when it lay there before me, beckoning me, calling me? I knew that I had to have her. I needed to feel her body against mine, her cherry lips filled with my tongue and her young femininity penetrated by my manhood.
Before I knew it, I had crossed the room. I leaned over, and with trembling hands, reached out. My fingers, almost of their own accord, found the top button of her nightshirt and unfastened it. She didn't stir. I moved lower to the second button, but stopped when I heard her suck in a deep breath. After she let it out, I waited a minute, then continued with my task. The second button fell to my fingers, then the third, then the fourth. The nightshirt spread down the middle, revealing the beautiful valley between her young, adolescent breasts. Two more buttons and I would be there. One more. Now!
I slowly parted the garment like the cover of a book and stared at the delight that now lay revealed to my hungry eyes. Once again I gazed upon those sweet, tender, young breasts that I so longed to touch, to feel, even to taste. They belonged to me now, as they had always belonged to me. I was her father, after all. I had created her, brought her into this world. Without me she would not exist. Surely she would not begrudge me my due.
Just then her eyes opened.
I stared at her in shock. What was I to do now? I had been so wrapped up in my fantasy that I had not thought of an excuse when she inevitably awoke. I had thought only to take her, perhaps against her will at first, but as I worshipped her body with my own she would naturally give in to the pleasure and love me for it. Suddenly confronted with the reality, I found myself unable to do anything but stare.
She yawned, causing her beautiful torso to push forward momentarily, then with a smile, sweetly asked, "Are you going to make love to me, Daddy?"
"Um... no," I stammered, but the redness of my face betrayed me.
"Then why were you undressing me?" she asked.
"Because..." I said, trying to think of something, anything, that could pass as an excuse. Almost without thinking, I blurted out, "because I changed my mind about helping you."
"You mean... helping me touch myself?"
I nodded, knowing that I was stuck, trapped by my own words. I had to go through with it now.
"Okay," she replied with an enthusiastic smile.
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