When we were young the future was so bright The old neighborhood was so alive And every kid on the whole damn street Was gonna make it big and not be beat Now the neighborhood's cracked and torn The kids are grown up but their lives are worn How can one little street Swallow so many lives What the hell is going on The cruelest dream, reality -The Offspring ********** For those of you that find my writing long winded, boring, a drain to read, guess what? I'm now going to make it LONGER, MORE MIND-NUMBINGLY BORING then ever before! I pray to God it turns your one brain cell into mush! Just wait till I get to the part where I start working at a Nursery, that's right; dirt, potted, plants, flowers. I love that shit and I'm going to write about it HA! I can hear the groaning now, I love it! Actually I am a very laid-back-happy-go-lucky-easy-going person, yeah I know you don't believe me based on all of the griping I've done one might think I walk around perpetually pissed off. Not true at all! Well now, on with this super-charged, highly rated life of mine! ********** Nikki and I were about ready to drop the proverbial bombshell on our respective boyfriends, partly because the rumors were getting out of control, and mostly because it's true. The pressure is getting horrible! But at the last minute we chickened out (Shut up you people! Don't roll your eyes at me! I have enough to deal with, so all your huffing and puffing on top of everything is not needed, these things take careful planning!). Anyway we used 'spring break' as a nice excuse to delay, it made sense because there was a whole group of us going on this trip, Nikki and her boyfriend included. Better to get the 'planned trip' over with. Then deal with 'the conversation', and consequences thereafter. A whole day of flying is no fun, but that is what it took to get down to our destination at Cocoa Beach. It was beautiful we had great weather, a beach front property (all thanks to Sharon's family knowing someone that was kind of enough to let us use their beach house). For some reason I was a little bothered by the presumption on Dale's part that we would be sharing a bed together, it seemed that every couple there was sharing a bed together, maybe I felt like it just added fuel to the speculation that Dale and I were sleeping together, uhm I mean 'having sex together'. Dale was constantly preoccupied with my body, sometimes to the point of being annoying (Wanting to constantly take pictures of me, wanting me to pose in my swimwear, underwear....you get the point. I guess I should be more appreciative). But guys listen, you have to learn that for women, well at least for me, it takes all the right ingredients before I am 'in the mood' to be affectionate, and I also like being 'in control'; So we get close....then I pull away....we get closer....then I pull away more. You get the point, maybe not. Every morning was the same routine, off to the beach. I wore my usual provocative attire, a skirted hipster bikini bottom and a halter bikini top. Everyone knew I was a prude when it came to swimwear, but I tried to keep the sun off my skin as much as possible and still had this mental block about those skimpy bikinis my friends would wear, I just felt like I was standing outside in my underwear, practically naked! All of the other girls were wearing typical string bikinis, and had the bodies to wear them too. But Nikki in her black string bikini was the most devastating because it barely covered her, her body was just so smoking, gushing, drooling, sexy, babbling...crazy hot! She got a lot of stares from everyone on the beach. Me? HA!...I barely even noticed her....pffft! No big deal. She's one ugly chick. I was still prodded persistently by 'the guys' to wear something more revealing. I think it actually made Dale proud when the guys would say, "Corbin you've got the best body out here, you should show it off." "Thanks." I would smile and say. ***** Nikki was laying face down on her beach towel, arms folded under her head, she had just come from a dip in the ocean so she was still all wet. "You shouldn't be trying to tan, bad for your skin you know?" I say. Nikki smiles with her head still resting, "Just a few minutes and I'll get under the umbrella." My eyes kept watching her legs, arms and back, her smooth naturally dark skin so well defined from years of soccer and exercise. Her jet black hair, plastered to her back. Her muscles tensed as she shifted to a more comfortable spot on the towel, the black bikini bottom that already did an inadequate job of covering her perfectly round bottom stretched as her gluts flexed during the shift. I felt an awkward warmth start down between my legs and I set the book down, no way I could concentrate now. 'Shit!' I even mouthed the words as I glanced back over and admired my friends beautiful derriere, 'the back of that suite is barely even there, how can she even wear that! And it's like a freaking second skin, so tightly plastered to her butt.' And fucking Rob! He keeps coming over to rub lotion on her thighs and back! Get lost you punk! Even if he is her boyfriend, and all that junk, still irritates the crud out of me! AHHH!!! THAT'S IT!! I can't take this anymore, I needed to cool off, I was loosing my composure again! I knew this was a bad idea for Nikki and I to be on vacation together. "Care to join me for a swim?" I asked while standing, 'You dope!' my subconscious scolded me 'Are you just trying to give it all away! Be more discrete!' Anyway I expected her to say 'no', seeing how she just came out of the ocean. 'Say no, say no, say no' I privately prayed, temptation is too much for me right now, 'I should never have asked, I'm an idiot!' Yeah I have these conversation in my head all the time. "Sounds nice." Nikki smiled and went to stand up, my heart fluttered and so I looked away, back out over the water, any more staring on my part just caused me to ache for her even more and it would just break my heart to not be able to touch her now. We gave a wave to our boyfriends as they stayed behind, diving into the cooler for another beer and to talk sports, guy talk, whatever. "Were are you girls staying?" some guys remarked, total strangers to us, as we walked by them, "Our names are blah- blah and blah-blah! What are yours?" the guys continued but we just kept on walking. The comments were frequent as we walked down the beach toward the waves. Some were very direct questions, but it's spring break and guys were hot on our tails every single step of the way. The only time they cooled the talk was when Nikki and I were with our boyfriends, but still that didn't keep them from making comments. Most annoying was when guys would do an about face and start following us, trying to strike up a conversation. We started to wade out into the water, some of the incoming waves were pretty big which made it all the more fun, soon we were both diving into the oncoming surf as they would crash towards the shore. We got distracted and ended up drifting several yards away from our camp, the plan all along *wink*nod*smile*. "Look how far we've drifted!" I raised a finger in the direction of our tent. I can't recall feeling this upbeat in a long time. Suddenly I was being pulled down into the waves from behind, "Gotcha!" Nikki said. My head surfaced, bobbing around when I saw my girl coming toward me again. She had a playful look on her face and I was ready this time, but she paused to adjust her bikini top, that's when I ran toward the next oncoming wave and dove into the water. "Not so fast!" I heard her voice for a brief second and then my head was under water as I swam. I felt fingers tips trying to grab my ankles, 'Damn she's a fast swimmer.' so I stopped and treaded water. "Gotcha again!" Nikki said, her teeth flashed even whiter compared to her tan skin, her arms wrapped around my torso. "Yeah, you've got me." I said as I caught my breath thru an open mouth, I also realized I wasn't smiling. We were far enough out that the waves caused our bodies to rise and fall before the waves would start to break, for a brief moment we would loose sight of the shore during the swell. Nikki stopped smiling as well and I started to wrap my arms around her body, I looked around and she did the same, was anyone watching? Could anyone even see us? I kissed her cheek as her head was still turned to look toward our camp. "Another fine mess you've gotten us into." She said with a smile and kissed me on the lips. "Indeed." I sighed and kissed her back. By now our bodies had achieved very intimate contact under the water, with so much bare skin pressing tight; our stomachs, chests, thighs periodically intertwined. Everything slippery due to the lotion, after our brief kiss Nik's look got serious and she moved her face in again, but pulled away, testing to see what my reaction might be. So I gently bumped my nose into hers, she bumped back again and smiled a little, we fell into a trance, simply staring into one another's eyes as the whole world faded, we were lost on some deserted island, just the two of us. Nikki's mouth moved over my chin, cheek and forehead, all the while I did the same to her. We loved to touch, and feel one another. "Finally I get my hands on you, I've been watching you on the beach all day." Nikki purrs into my ear, "I love this fine ass of yours." I blush at those wonderful words and I feel her strong fingers gripping my butt. I then gasp and moan when she bumps her crotch into mine and I rubbed mine back against hers. We remained hugging for a few more minutes, cheek to cheek, until Nikki asked in what was a most remarkably sad tone, "What are we going to do?" She wasn't looking for a serious answer at this moment and I didn't have one in any case. I knew what she meant, it was just a frustrating situation to be in as we were still carrying on this 'front' with everyone. "It will happen Nik, it will happen, I believe it will, let's just stick to our plan after vacation." I sighed. Her response was typical Nikki, she leaned back and smiled a little, she had this look of relief on her face and kissed me on the lips again. "I believe in us too." Nikki moaned into my mouth and we parted after another long, but deeper kiss. "We should get back." She said, I just smiled and nodded. "Race ya!" Nikki yelled. "GO!" I said and took off first. "Cheater!" Nikki said but caught up with me and passed me before we got to the shore. It was a wonderful stroll back to our group, unfortunately everyone was already there which made our disappearance together all the more scrutinized, no one said anything but I could feel it in the stares. 'Cheater' That word seemed to hang around in the back of my mind for the rest of the beach trip. It was the second to last night of our vacation and the entire group decided to go out to a local dance bar. Yippee! <sarcasm> I really wasn't being a stick in the mud, because the thought of getting out and dancing with Dale was kind of a turn on so I put on a nice sexy, short dress that hugged my curves kind of tight. He was all over me making sure everyone knew we were together. No problem I kind of enjoy it. Nikki looked incredibly sexy in a dark gray short one piece dress that also hugged every inch of her body. "Are you wearing underwear?" I whispered in her ear. She smiled and made my heart pound, but nodded yes and mouthed, 'very small'. Rob was all smiles and jacked-up and proud of his sexy, gorgeous girlfriend. I wonder if Nikki was feeling the same thing I was? Twinges of jealousy shooting thru me when I watched her boyfriend hug and squeeze her body tight against his. Was she feeling the same thing when Dale did the same to me? We've often told one another how it pains the other. But still. We locked eyes a couple of times before heading out the door and that told me all I needed to know. A longing expression that was full of hurt and lust. Maybe we would dance tonight, I hoped, we both hoped, but probably not dare. Things were becoming unraveled a little bit and our boyfriends were not totally dense. But it happened, by chance, but willing allowed, if that sounds possible? Or grammatically correct? Dale and I had been dancing, very suggestively, yet fun, but were ready to take a break once the song ended. Nikki and Rob had just just come on the dance floor and there would be no doubt about who would be getting the attention now. Nikki was sexual Goddess on the dance floor. As I was bopping around on the crowded dance floor I lost sight of Nikki. I say 'bopping' because I sometimes loose my groove and just make up silly dance moves that are a little goofy. And then I felt somebody bump into my ass. Initially I was irritated and jerked my heard around to see the back of the woman, her hair was jet black, straight and down to her shoulder blades. Instantly I knew who it was, the way she shaking wildly behind me I could barely contain my excitement. I couldn't help but repeatedly turn to keep her eyes on the beautiful woman behind me, Nikki never turned to look at me. And then she bumped me in the ass again! I knew it was on purpose now! I doubt the first time was an accident. Anyway, I discretely kept focused on Dale while taking in the short, dark gray, silk dress she was wearing that hugged her upper body tightly before flowing smoothly over her hips. After several looks she caught me glancing back to give me a faint smirk. We locked eyes and I gave a slight, quick bump directly back into Nikki's own firm ass. I wasn't prepared for the almost immediate retaliation as the dark headed girl backed into me and didn't just pump into me but ground the entire back of her body, ass and all, against mine. I felt the smooth material of our dresses cling and the firm flesh of Nikki's ass press into my own. As the music blared loudly we exchanged several more ass to ass collisions. Somehow we managed to do this with alerting out boyfriends, at least that is what we thought. When the song ended Dale hugged me and we left the dance floor, I gave a quick look over my shoulder and saw Nikki watching me walk away. It didn't take long for Nikki and Rob to join us at the table. I had my legs crossed, swinging my foot back and forth rapidly to ease my tension. Nikki sat across from me and mimicked my posture and the two of us locked eyes. Nikki began rubbing her calf mine several times. "I saw you watching me." I leaned over and teased with a flirting smile. This illicited a lusty rise from Nikki's chest, she leaned in closer speaking so low I could barely hear, "I loved watching your perfect ass strut off the dance floor." She sat back in her chair and we locked eyes again. Dale and Rob seemed totally involved in their own male, macho conversations about sports and whatever. Both proud to have the two most beautiful women in the bar at their sides. Aren't we so arrogant! We excused ourselves to the Ladies room to 'freshen up' but that was a only partially true. On the way back we detoured thru the dance floor, so it could be just the two of us. The booze was helping us to make some bold choices. What ended up happening was that we would often turn around and bump and grind, ass to ass. Again the intoxicating sensation of smooth material of our dresses and the firm flesh of Nikki's ass pressing into my own. The DJ's music blared loudly as we exchanged several more ass to ass collisions. Once we started to get some attention we turned to face one another and instantly recognized, with blushed smiles, we were hooked into a new sexually, erotic fetish. It was fairly embarrassing at first to recognize and accept this new desire, but Nikki and I found bumping ass-to-ass to be a new obsession between us. Returning to the crowded bar, Dale and Rob had guarded our stools diligently, as they should. Rob then made a comment that, was.....well......you'll see..... "You two look sexy as hell together." "Thank you." I just blush and let it roll off. Or I attempted to let it roll off, but Nikki's failure to produce a genuine smile smile along with a quick glance over her shoulder to Rob spoke of something more knowledgable. Something irritating. "What?" My beer bottle was poised to be gulped in massive quantities if the vide I was getting was confirmed. Quicker than someone as drunk as I was, my head did a quick glance over my own shoulder to read Dale's expression, but he glanced away and drank his beer, I was then back at Nikki who seemed to know something I didn't about Rob's comment. There was some history there, now I was intrigued! She leans forward only an inch, if that, it was the serious look on her beautiful face that made the effort all the more noticeable. "Rob thinks you and I should have sex together." and she made no effort to lower her voice. In fact, it was audible to Dale and Rob. My heart plunged, my chest heaved, and down the hatch my drink went. "That's not what I said Nikki!" His tone slightly defensive, "I just meant you two are two of the sexiest girls here." Now he sounded like he was back peddling, a lot. "Is that what you think?" I twisted my upper body around to look up at Dale. I am shocked I haven't pinched a major nerve in my neck with all the spastic looking around, trying to study reactions. "What?" He tried the dumb approach first. "Rob's right you two are both the sexiest women, ever." "No, wait a second," I was now trying to navigate thru a beer haze, I had a good buzz and didn't want to lose that, but wanted to keep track of all the sordid details. "You guys want us to make out?" and I waived my finger back and forth between Nikki and I. "Sorry. It came out all wrong." Rob said and placed his hand on Nikki's shoulder. She didn't roll it off, but her look to him was not a happy one. "Is that what you want?" I looked over and up at Dale. "You would like that?" What babbling, wiggling, words of nonsense came out of his inebriated brain and mouth next I can't even properly rephrase. It was the hesitation that told me everything I needed to know. In so many words, Nikki then informed me that in moments of relaxation, brought on usually by large quantities of alcohol, Rob has suggested that he would 'love' to watch Nikki and I make out. There it was: The realization that Rob pictures me naked, with Nikki, having sex. Sounds good to me, but just not in front of anyone. And I am just finding this out? I am finding this out in a loud, crowded bar, all of us intoxicated, and Dale doesn't seem bothered by the idea. At least not as bothered as he should be. Finally I am confronted with 'that something' which many women have to deal with eventually. Yes, I have been at parties where men have asked for me and another girlfriend to make out. I've had strange women come up to me and want to make-out. Those were easily dismissed. No way, not going to happen. Forget about it. But this is something totally different. My best friend's boyfriend, and my boyfriend are the ones breaching the subject of wanting to watch Nikki and I make out. And I don't know how to react to any of this. I'm stunned, insulted, flattered, angry, furious, aroused, confused, emotionally hurt, embarrassed! I needed to do something, but what? For the first time Nikki seemed awkward and embarrassed and not sure what to say or do. She didn't want to ruin our good time by storming out of The Club, or getting furious. I set my beer down, my left hand grabbed her right as I went to stand up. "Dale, Robb, please settle the tab, Nikki and I will be outside waiting." I had no idea what I was doing. Taking charge maybe? Nikki grabbed her purse, and without missing a beat, was right there next to me as we walked out of the club and toward the edge of the parking lot, passing the long line of patrons waiting to get into the bar. The stares and suggestive comments from the men waiting in line actually caused me to give an arrogant smirk as we strutted down the sidewalk. "Jerks." Nikki mumbles. "Yep." I sigh. "What now?" "I don't know." I really had no clue. I was struggling to walk straight. Our men caught up with us and we all piled into a cab, just as we had come to The Club. Only this time the ride home was awkward and quiet. Nik and I sat in the middle, she to my left. My left hand was clutching her right. Her left hand was rubbing Rob's leg as he gently touched the back of her hand. Same for me, my right hand was rubbing on Dale's leg. He leaned over and kissed me on the check, but I just kept looking ahead, straight ahead. "Can we talk about this." Rob said when the Cab pulled away leaving the four of us standing in front of the Beach House. Dale was by my side, hugging me. I followed Nikki's gaze and looked up to the large house, a few people were home already. A nice warm breeze caught us and the sounds of the nearby ocean made the mood all the more relaxing. Took the edge off for sure. "Sure, lets go to our room." I sighed and started up the stairs. Nikki close to me on my left while the boys followed us up. Walking into the foyer I immediately took notice of cool A/C circulating inside, the humidity outside was pretty bad. A thin layer of sweat shined off our exposed arms and legs. The main stairs, rather large, wound up to the left, thankfully it was all carpeted so our heels didn't announce our entrance to the upper level guys and girls milling about. The mood was still somber, and in an effort to keep the buzz going Dale offered to get us some beers from the downstairs fridge. Nikki simply nodded and I said 'Thank you'. Rob offered up a enthusiastic "Sounds great, I'll help." Never once, since the first time Nikki and I have met, was there an awkward moment like this as the two of us stood in the room. I opened the windows that overlooked the oceanfront to let the warm breeze in and balance out the cold A/C that had been pumping all day and night. It was a nice distraction. Nikki came up behind me and stroked my arm. "Sorry, didn't mean to spoil the night." "Not at all." I smiled a little and turned to face her. We stood between the end of the bed and the dresser that had a large mirror. The boys had returned and they handed us an open bottle of Corona Light, can't remember a beer tasting so good. Rob paced awkwardly and I could tell the weight of the night's disastrous turn of events weighed on his shoulders. But disastrous how? There was no yelling, screaming, arguing taking place. Just awkward silence. "Dale close the door." He silently obeyed. I noticed he also locked it. Not sure what to make of that just yet, I had given no instruction on locking the door. Nikki took another long drink of her beer. I watched the sexy girl drink, her wet lips moving over the opening of the bottle before pulling it away. Rob had finally stood still for more than a few seconds and broke the silence, "I guess I should start." "No, don't say anything." Nikki sighed and glared to her right at him. She even gave a small flick of her wrist like she was dismissing him. The poor guy exhaled and took a step back, there was a chair in the corner that he seemed to slowly fall back into. He looked sad and defeated. I looked to my right, Dale was back up against the edge of the bed. Nikki backed up a few steps and I followed her, the two of us now occupied the space between where Rob sat and Dale stood, or was standing, as I looked at him he took a drink of his beer and then sat down on the edge of the bed. "Hold this." I said and handed my beer to Dale, he took it for second and then placed it on the nightstand, I don't think he ever took his eyes off me. Nikki mimicked my move and handed her beer to Rob. "I want to kiss you." I whispered into her ear. "I want to kiss you." She whispered back. The truth was, we did want to make out with one another, desperately. We could put up a big show of protest and chastise our boyfriends before moving on past this whole messy discussion. But the moment felt intimate, the room cozy, the light on on the dresser was very low wattage which added to the atmosphere. Dale and Rob sat motionless, I wasn't even sure if they were breathing, maybe afraid to break the spell that had come over us. Nikki's hands were stroking my arms and I wrapped my hands around her back. When the front of our bodies pressed in tight I thought I heard a collective gasp from both men. Lightly at first first our lips touched, I wonder if we gave it all away in those first few seconds. There was no giggling or awkward fumbling, Nikki and I came together like two familiar lovers, touching and kissing in ways that we both knew and liked. A perfect synchronization of lips and tongues, gliding over one another. The heat in the room spiraled upward as we started to become lost in the moment, grinding our bodies together, forgetting we were on display for these two men. The corner of my eyes caught them adjusting their positions, and their crotches. My hands boldly went down and gripped Nik's tight ass and squeezed, she had her own hands on my ass now and caressed my butt cheeks and hips, moving down and feeling along the hem of my dress that was dangerously short. Her finger tips played with that hem and now I wondered how far this would go. I panicked a little when she pulled up on my dress, but when she sucked on my tongue, pulling it far out of my mouth and began nursing it in long sensual sucking motions with her lips I thrust my crotch against hers and she pulled my dress all the way up to my hips, revealing my skimpy naked ass cheeks for Dale and Rob to see, only my tiny pink thong hid away my clean shaven pussy. Not to be outdone, I sucked on Nikki's tongue and pulled up her skirt, all the way to her waist, revealing her own small dark purple thong panties. Our hands now had access to bare skin as we humped our silk covered crotches together. Our long, strong legs moving for better position and access. Rob was drinking his beer and leaning forward, almost off the chair totally. Dale had moved to try and get closer as well. I rationalized that Rob had seen me in a bikini before, not a thong, but still, some of my bikinis leave little to the imagination. He was admiring the view of my bare ass from how his eyes kept moving to the back of me. Dale was mesmerized by Nikki's own perfect ass cheeks, both men admiring their beautiful girlfriends kissing and fondling each other in the middle of the room. I was swooning with delight under Nikki's touches, our bare legs and bold moves were making me so horny it was almost painful. Her aggressive touches told me she didn't want to stop and maybe had no intention of stopping. But had we gone too far already? Nikki's hands came up and started to unzip the back of my dress, nervously I began to unbutton the back of her blouse. For the first time I was getting scared. Nikki's hands moved to her waist and unhooked the back of her skirt, pushing it down and then deftly kicked it aside, she stood only in high heels, a thong, and a blouse that was in the process of being removed. I rolled my shoulders as one hand reached up to pull down on the left strap. A startled realization came to mind that I wasn't wearing a bra. Now Rob would get to see bare breasts, which sort of bothered me, but also excited me. For the first time I smiled a little as I pushed down on my dress, my eyes locked on Nikki's, we felt safe in each other's gaze as our bare breasts were exposed to the men in the room. Nik smiled back and we hugged, feeling the compression of our bodies, the feeling of warm, smooth skin made me almost want to cry. My nipples were so hard. I could feel Nikki's hard nipples pressing into my own breasts and we squeezed tighter, enjoying the pressure of breasts against one another. With my head resting on her left shoulder I looked over and found Dale gazing up at me. "Did you enjoy that?" I asked. He looked shell shocked. In my mind it seemed a good time to put the breaks on things. I really didn't think Nik and I could take it any further. "I've never seen anything so beautiful." Dale's voice sounded rather dry, and he took another drink of his beer. It made me thirsty and I eyed my bottle on the table nearby. Nikki was talking to Rob, I heard something along the lines of 'Thank you' and 'Amazing.' She kissed my cheek and we pulled away, the cool air filled the void of our heated, sweat covered bodies. There was a brazen, bold attitude coursing thru my veins now as I walked over and picked up the beer to take a sip. Dales right hand reached out and began stroking my legs. With my left hand on my hips and a beer in my right I looked over and found Nikki replicating my pose, she too was drinking from her beer as she stood next to where Rob sat. With our bare chests on display there was a sexual charge filling the room. Rob stole glances at me as Dale did the same toward Nikki's amazing breasts that sat up straight and perfect on her chest. Her dark brown nipples were so erect that I wanted to tweak them and suck on them right there. Everyone in the room wanted to! There was something Dale wanted, I know the look in his eyes, he stood up and pulled me into his arms. "What do you want?" I teased. He leaned over and kissed me. Soon Dale and I were in a full, open mouth, tongue probing kiss. What were Nikki and Rob thinking of our sudden displays of affection? They didn't notice, or if they did, they had already decided to join-in. Soft moans and kissing from their own passionate embrace told me they were very well preoccupied. Dale laid back down on the bed and pulled me with with, I was kneeling over his body, kissing his chest after he took off his shirt. My butt was facing toward Rob and Nikki, I was feeling a little embarrassed that they could see my crotch and probably a nice dark wet spot from my leaking juices. I looked over and Nikki pulled Rob toward the bed. It was a king size bed so there was plenty of room. Nikki turned out the light, it was a lot darker now, but not as dark as I had hoped. I kicked off my heels, and peeled off my underwear, Dale was already undressed and we climbed under the covers. Rob and Nikki, now also nude, climbed into right side of the bed closest to the windows. Nikki and I were in the middle and started out with our backs to each other so we could focus on the guys. It was exciting having another couple in the bed, the motion and moaning of other bodies seemed to elevate my sexual desires like I had never thought. ********** So I wanted to come up with a very cool description for how it all unfolded, because I don't feel like my writing style is really 'all that', but all I could come up with is the age-old lines; 'An uneasy silence' and 'You could cut the tension with a knife' Junk like that. Okay so now that we have the atmosphere out of the way lets move along to.... The setting: My apartment. The day and time: Friday-late afternoon. All that's left to do is come totally clean with Dale, but something didn't feel right. As the first paragraph indicated, not only was I acting very tense and quiet, but so was he. Hmm not a good sign, so I tried to relax the situation by asking him to lay down with me on my bed, I just had on some casual jeans and a sweatshirt, he was dressed about the same. Better that he lay down so that when he gets the news he doesn't keel over and bump his head on the floor. No sooner had we both gotten comfortable he drops the bomb on me first. "You want to tell me the real story about you and Nikki?" He said almost like he's suspected for some time now, in a casual tone type of way. DRAT! DOUBLE DRAT!! Because I can be a total spaz my head jerks around so fast it was like admitting 'Hey! I am guilty as hell and you just beat me to the punch!' Geez luweez! His expression was somewhere between angry and sad which caused me to go rigid for a second. I lowered my head back down as my right hand moved up to my face, my fingers slowly begin to rub my head and eyes 'Oh God, here it goes.' Still I had given no response, but thats just additional confirmation as far as he was concerned I guess. 'Well good' I was fed up with the lies and half-truths. "Damn it! So it's not a fucking rumor!" and he promptly propped himself up on his right elbow looking down at me. Hmmm....I don't think a pouty face and some tears will get me out of this mess. I pulled my hand from my face and let it flop down on the bed, now I wanted to really cry (not bullshit cry either) I've been making a fool of myself, of Dale, for months now acting like nothing was going on when everyone suspected, everyone had to know! What were we thinking! "Say something Corbin! What's going on? Please tell me it's just some experimental phase!" He snapped, not loudly, but there was a tone in his voice now, agitated and confused (no wait, I was the one agitated and confused, I don't know, gheesh I can't keep all this junk straight!) "No! Nikki and I...." I tried to collect my thoughts into something coherent, of course that wasn't working. Don't I need to be at Soccer Practice now? Or be taking a long written test? Anything would be more pleasant then this. "How long has this been going on? Did you have sex with her? And all your big talk about how you would never fool around behind my back! You know what Corbin that applies to women as well!" Dale suddenly bolted upright and was now standing next to my bed then he began to pace the room. "I'm such an idiot!" I looked over at him and could tell he was getting really angry, more angry then I have ever seen him and rightly so. I on the other-hand lay there, unmoving, actually very relaxed for a minute, a big weight had been lifted off me, I just now waited for that other weight, the one of guilt and consequences to come crashing down. "Are you bisexual Corbin? When did you two start seeing each other because I want to know how long you've been making a fool out of me, and our relationship! Thank you for being so fucking honest with me!" Dale was really blasting me it was actually very impressive! He was usually always kissing my butt! I let out a long groan and sat up swinging my legs over the side of the bed to face him. "I don't fucking believe this, and you don't have anything to say to me?" he now stood looking down at me hands on hips. Yep that's right, not a word! Partly because my blonde brain does not function as it should all the time. That is a fact known worldwide my friends. I took a deep breath and looked up with my best sad face, upturned the palms of my hands and said, "I'm sorry Dale I should have come to you before now." "So you're attracted to women is that it? I can't believe it, I never would have thought you!" and then another pause, guess he decided to go for the really big question now, "Do you love her? Wait! Don't answer that, I don't want to know, more importantly are you two still seeing each other?" "Still seeing one another? Well, yeah." I sighed and my right leg started to bounce nervously, a sign I was getting angry, all these questions are making me irritated now. I looked up and raised my eyebrows "I don't have any answers Dale, I didn't plan this, how could I know anything like this would ever happen to me, I'm sorry." And I actually started to cry a little. "I want you to end it now! Call her now and I want to hear you say its over! You're my Girlfriend not hers, you can't throw everything we have together away on a relationship with some girl that won't ever amount to anything!" He was shouting while pointing his fingers down at me and then at the phone. "That's not true!" I snapped looking up, sniffing back the tears while shaking my head 'No' to his command that I call her and break it off. "What's not true? Are you actually going to tell me that you could have some kind of life with Nikki? Are you going to have a family with her? For almost two years you and I have been together, I was planning on asking you to marry me right before we graduate? Did you even think about that!" Dale sounded like he wanted to keep going but his voice was shaking and tears were welling up in his eyes. Wow, this conversation is going a lot worse then I originally anticipated. How did I gloss over all the 'punch in the gut' emotions that I was feeling? 'Okay get your act together.' I thought and wiped my cheeks, enough of this crying shit and I stood up straight looking him in the eyes and said "Yes I do love Nikki, but I love you too Dale." I hope that didn't come out sounding too 'cold'? His expression went hard, and for the first time I saw him emotionally pushing me away trying to protect himself, he reached for his jacket and put it on, "All your big, damn talk about honesty and being faithful, all the while you're playing me for a fool while you figure things out with Nikki." "I know I need to make a decision Dale!" again I felt like I was buying more time, or was I? So many life-altering decisions that needed immediate attention, but it all felt like a major traffic jam in my brain. "Maybe the decision isn't yours to make!" and he stormed out after that. Well now, I never thought of it that way, maybe Dale will actually break up with me and I won't have any choice in the matter. That's a strange position to be in for once, no one has ever broken up with me! I haven't dated much either, but anyway, very odd. In some odd way I was also feeling liberated, but with new found freedom comes some ugly truths that are bound to resonate through our friends and eventually our families. I called Sharon and she came straight over from Kevin's (her boyfriend), I was totally honest about everything. It really blew Sharon away to hear me actually admit I was romantically involved with Nikki, although she always suspected, but having actual confirmation seemed to really affect her. Sharon kept asking; 'What about Dale?' 'What about you and Dale?' I had to get very firm with Sharon at one point so she would understand, Nikki and I are NOT a 'one time curiosity-thing' we are in-love and in a serious relationship. Sharon finally got it and went dead silent for a few minutes fidgeting with her hands until she finally said "Well at least you two have good taste in women." and that kind of made me smile. Suddenly I had the urge to go for a run, or head over to the gym. When I get confused and don't know what to do I retreat back to the 'tried and true' things in my life that have yet to let me down. Emotions are confusing and make my head hurt, and my heart, and my tummy gets a little queasy, and who needs all that mess! ********** I don't know what it is but every time Nik and I try to reach each other via cell phone the other always seems right there, ready to pick up, more goofy symbolic spiritual stuff to decode? Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it. Anyway Sharon left and Nikki was on her way over, her experience was pretty similar to mine except she broke the news to Rob first. Nik said he literally jumped up from his chair and yelled "I fucking knew it!" his face turned several shades of angry-red as he went on a blistering tirade that included much of what Dale had said. Will this miserable, damn day ever end? I look down at my watch yet again 'quarter after six'. I was sitting outside on the front stoop of my complex and waited, the cool breeze and fresh air put me at ease, a sense of calm fell over me as I thought 'Silly goof! This is not the end of the world, you made choices, and you would have made the same choices all over again.' Even though I was floating into a more spiritual outlook on the situation I also prayed no friends came by, I was in no mood for light chit-chat. Fucking Finally! (Pardon my language folks, I really don't have such a potty mouth, around my parents I never curse) I watched my girl's black convertible come into view. Nikki looked very upset and anxious as she walked up the sidewalk at a very fast clip, that queasy feeling had returned to my stomach as well. "Well," I sigh, adding a slight shrug and faintly fling my hands into the air, "It's out there now." I couldn't help but give an exhausted but dazed smile. Nikki slows down her pace and stops about a foot away, she looks down at where I am sitting and let's her shoulders slump a little, she also looks emotionally drained. Expressions can convey a lot, we communicate so much via body language, it's just something that's always been there between us, a light nod, wink, smile, tilt of the head and we can make or alter plans very quickly. (It also makes us a super team on the soccer field that we read each other so well!) Some long black hair falls down around her high cheekbones and like the silly ditz I am I become distracted in all of her beauty. With her dark complexion and almost black eyes it's easy for Nik to generate the most menacing of looks, you would think this would be one of those times. But I know better and observe a faint smile moving into the corners of her mouth. Nikki's gentle, loving, kindness towards me is amazing. Still silent, her left hand stretches toward where I sit, I raise my own hand and we grip fingers, she gives a slight tug and I stand up. My girlfriend steps in to give me this strong hug from head to toe. I feel the warmth of her mouth on my cheek "As long as we are together everything will be ok." She whispers. My spirit and confidence are back! Seeing her and being with her makes me suddenly realize why we are doing all of this. Also I think her slight Portuguese accent has some hypnotizing affect on me, but that's a whole other theory. ********** Okay, have to get back to work! Grrr! Tending to my boyfriend, yeah remember him? What you thought all of that was suddenly history? Not even close! Dale and I were/are seriously involved. I called Dale the next day and wanted to talk, I told him I really loved him and....and....oh hell I don't know. "Damn right it's all your fault!" He snapped back into the phone, phew he still sounded really mad. You think after 24hrs he would have cooled off. "Meet me in the outdoor commons area? By that bench we...." I didn't even get a chance to finish, he just snapped back at me, "I know where it is!" and then *CLICK* Wait what just happened? Did he hang up on me? He did! That punk hung up on me! He has never come close to doing that! GRRRR!! I snap my phone shut and clench it in my fist and have the urge to smash it against the wall, but can't afford a new one so I don't. Instead I turn around and punch my fist down into my mattress. Oh he's asking for trouble now, he better 'check' that attitude of his! ********** 'This is not appropriate' I thought looking in the mirror. Knowing I was going to meet Dale I started to think I should wear something more somber, like sweat pants and some old sweatshirt. 'Don't be ridiculous' my little devil chided, 'You wear what ever you want to wear, after all you have to live your life!' and I sort of agreed with her, but I knew Dale would initially be mislead into thinking one thing, only to ultimately learn something totally different, and thus become furious. Just hang in there, you will see what I mean. Well he was already there and wow he looks kind of handsome and sexy when he's all worked up and angry. He sees me coming and looks away, then leans forward and starts clinching his hands together. Normally he always stands to greet me but I'm giving him some slack on manners right now, but he better not push it. A part of me (still in-denial) wanted this whole thing to blow over and then Dale and I could go back to dating, Rob and Nikki could patch things up, and then Nikki and I can continue or secret life of romance! But that's not likely to happen now as I stand looking down at this wonderful guy I've hurt. It's all too real and none of my little sarcastic comments, or taking a hard-stance will make it 'all better'. I take off my sunglasses, "Hi." I say quietly. "Hey." He responds and then takes a couple of glances over at me "Wow, you look really beautiful, you always look sexy and beautiful." "Thank you," I say solemnly and move the palm of my right hand over my white form-fitting, short (maybe too short) cotton mini skirt, it stops above mid thigh, but shows off my great legs. It is kind of tight so I had to wear a very tiny thong. I also wore a low v-cut lightweight, sleeveless, gray sweater that really shows off my very nice cleavage and toned arms. I watch him shake his head back and forth which piqued my curiosity, "What? What is it?" He looks like he wants to say something. Dale nervously wrings his hands together and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "Is that how you dress up for Nikki?" I didn't feel offended by his question, it sounded like something born out of curiosity more then him trying to make an offensive poke. I quietly sit down next to him and decided to offer up a sincere response, "Sometimes." He seemed to think for a minute, "I've always found the thought of two girls being together as a turn on, like a lot of guys do I guess, but now that's its happened to someone I love and how its jeopardizing our relationship, it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want to share you with anyone, not another guy or girl." I smiled just a little, it felt good to hear and I reached over gripping Dale's leg "I'm so sorry." He looked right at me "So where does this go from here? I thought I would have made my own decision about 'us' but I guess I can't stand the thought of loosing you." Crap, damn, hell, crud! A direct question! Little wheels start spinning in my brain, *sputter* Oh come on! *splat* nothing! I know the choice I have to make but the words aren't coming out, it's like I want to hang on just a little bit longer to what we have. My eyes well up with tears and I guess he can see the pain written all over my face as I hear him take a deep breath, then his left hand reaches over and grips my right as he goes to stand up. I stand up next to him and he looks into my eyes pulling me close against the front of his body. "Right now I don't care what your answer is, I love you too much, whatever you are going thru I am not letting go of you, I want you too badly to let anyone get in the way." He starts to cry some and I start to cry. I have never met another man that I so emotionally and physically wanted to be with! I bow my head against his shoulder and collect my self while his hands stroke the back of my head and shoulders. "Let's go back to my place." He says and I just follow, we walk to his car holding and hugging the whole way. I know he wants things to be like they were and part of me does too. His manners are back in perfect form as he opens the passenger side door, yet I have to carefully sit butt first into the seat, knees together, and move my feet into the foot-well of the car so I don't flash anyone because of my short skirt. Dale is taking careful note of all of this "Damn Corbin what a fucking sexy body! You really rock that outfit." I blush three shades of red "Thank you." But as with any relationship in turmoil things quickly change and so did the pleasantries when we got back to his apartment. He handed me a glass of wine, sat down next to me and got right back into things "Are you and Nikki having sex?" he simply blurted that out and then took a deep drink from his own glass. I wasn't totally surprised by this initial line of questioning as Dale's primary focus in life (second being Football) is to have sex with me. I still wanted to storm out but instead I straightened my back and fired right back "Yes we are." His strong jaw line clenched and unclenched a few times as he went back to blankly studying the contents of his glass, he looked like he was going to have an aneurism "So you're having sex with her, but not me? I know you think I'm being immature about this but what about all your talk about waiting for marriage Corbin?" He looks me dead in the eyes, "I guess that doesn't count where two girls are concerned?" "Yes I know, this subject is very important to you!" I snap. "I just mean...." He sighs slumping his shoulders forward his left hand nervously massages his forehead for a few seconds. "Oh I know what you mean," I want kick him in the shin, hard! I shift on the couch in an agitated manner, tugging at the hem of my short skirt. "I'm sorry but you are 'my girlfriend' Corbin! I think it's relevant that I know who you are having sex with, even if we are not having sex!" Dale buries his head into his hands. I just sit and fiddle with my purse while looking down at my lap. He did have some validity to his questions, but I was not going to go into much detail, "Just very recently Dale." I said in a soft, quiet tone as if that answer helps at all, but I felt the need to say something. Slowly his body reclined back against the sofa as his hands drew away from his face, he looked exhausted, "How long has it been going on?" I looked back down at my lap and took a deep breath, "We started becoming romantically involved a few weeks before you and I met, back when Nikki and I first met at Soccer tryouts." "So this was going on before you and I started dating?" Dale asked but in a tone that bespoke a new type of confusion. "You almost sound relieved?" I give him a sly, narrow glance from the side, watching him sit up a little more. "All last night I kept beating myself up, wondering if I had pushed you away, if you fell out of love with me, what did I do wrong that would make you want to turn to someone else and now you tell me it was there all along, before we started dating. Not sure what to think." Dale stopped talking and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. He lowered his head and I couldn't help but reach over and run my fingers thru his light brown wavy hair. "Your not going to leave her, are you?" Dale moans almost in defeat, my left hand slowly pulls away. "No Dale." That short statement felt pure, honest and resounded deep into my soul as a conviction of my beliefs. 'No Dale' Nikki and I will never leave one another. The finality of that statement echoed within me, much like the way you wait for a rock to hit the bottom of a deep well. "And Rob? What about him? Does he know?" Dale suddenly looked up like he might be catching me off guard, but I sat unwavering and my eyes coolly returned his inquiry. "Yes Nikki told Rob yesterday." Dale's reaction was sudden and alarming, he bolted upright and marched into the kitchen to pour himself another drink before pacing back into the living room in front of me, where he began to rant his list of complaints in-between sips on his drink..... "Of course Rob knows! Perfect timing on the part of you two." "You both could have told us a hell of a lot sooner!" "Our families and friends all have to be told now. Fuck!" "But I guess you two thought of that or whatever!" "You and Nikki seem to have thought of everything, how convenient!" "You should have stayed out of Soccer, but I guess Softball and Basketball is even worse." that last comment he sort of mumbled. "What?" I leaned forward raising an eyebrow "Are you actually blaming Sports for this?" "Oh come on Corbin," he waived his arms out to his side, "you know, girls that get involved in sports are more inclined to have a bisexual experience, or become lesbians!" "You're an idiot!" I snap and stand up to walk toward the door, "What am I suppose to do? Never play sports then?!" "Wait, wait! I'm sorry, look," I hear Dale set his glass down and come up behind me, he touches me on the shoulder "That was out of line, I'm sorry." he stops talking, at first I thought he was in some deep thought, thinking about some relevant comment, but when I turn around he suddenly looks up at me like he has totally lost his train of thought. "What is it?" My voice concerned. "That skirt is so tight, are you even wearing any underwear?" Nuclear explosion in my brain! "Fucker!" I yell and shove him hard on his shoulders forcing him several steps back, "Yes I am wearing underwear! What the hell is your problem! I always wear underwear! I'm not some piece of trash that goes without!" looking at him like he has lost his mind! I can't believe he has lost total concentration in only a few seconds! "I'm sorry, I couldn't tell." "Only tramps don't wear underwear! But maybe that's the kind of girl you prefer dating! I guess I need to wear some old sweat pants and sweat shirt to have a half way normal conversation with you!" "Yeah, but I'd still have to look at your beautiful face." Dale says. "Then call me on the phone to talk!" I grab for the doorknob. "Forget about the subject of intimacy and sex, forget it! Please! But listen you broke the trust by dating someone behind my back!" Dale waved his hands out to the side and his look turned to one of genuine hurt. I took a deep breath and looked down at my sandals to think for a second "Yes, you are right I am to blame for not being honest, I lied to you about where I was going and what I was doing with Nikki." My voice somber as I turned to look up, I could feel my eyes filling up with tears, Dale seemed really shaken and looked pale. There it is, a feeling that you are on the verge of doing something very traumatic and life altering, Dale and I could feel the nervous energy that is everywhere around us now. "That's where you're going from here right? That's why you're all dressed up because you have a date with Nikki." Dale's voice cracks and tears stream down his cheeks. The dark reality has shut everything pleasant in life out from around us and our future begins to shatter apart, there is nothing anymore but the dreaded empty void, a void which consumes your insides and starts to open up, all hope feels lost. That is the moment I am in. "Yes." I say and slightly nod, "But you know what Dale, all I ever hoped for was a simple life where love was concerned, not much, just to fall in love with some man and I did, and it was you!" I smile and look right into his eyes, but my lips and chin quiver badly, "But something else happened and I don't know the best way to figure any of this out, I made a lot of mistakes I know, but I have to follow my heart." My right hand, seemingly on its own accord, reaches into my small purse and finds the key at the bottom. I had to get this done, I can't pretend its not going to happen. "Here I want to give this back." I notice my hand is trembling severely as I pull it from my purse, the look of shock and despair on his face tore me pieces. "You already had it off your keychain." He states in a tone that sounds deathly frail, he noticed that, I had taken the time to remove it beforehand. He carefully takes it from my hand and slowly turns around to walk down the hall to his bedroom. Not a word, but closes his door with firm thud. "Hey Corbin!" the voice startles me as I step out toward the parking lot. It was one of the neighbors Frank, I barely acknowledge his presence. "You ok?" he asks, obviously I look very distressed, no hiding that fact. "Yeah thanks just overwhelmed with stuff right now." And I wave my goodbye as I turn to quickly walk to my, DRAT! DANG IT! My flipping, freaking car is back at the Park! SHIT! 'No good, mother, freaking, blasted.' I curse under my breath as I dig my cell phone out and call Sharon to come pick me up. She drops what she is doing and says 'I'll be right over' Good ol' Sharon, she lives for these dramas. I hear a door open and close behind me, here comes Dale. I didn't want any more emotional discussions. "I forgot I drove you, come on I'll take you." Dale points to his car, but I just stand there. "What?" He pauses, "Now you can't ride with me?" "Sharon's coming." I said and look over at him, his eyes are really bloodshot. I have to look away before I loose my composure, but the tears are already coming down. "I didn't want to bother you." And just stand with my arms folded across my chest looking out across the parking lot. "My God, your no bother Corbin." "You don't have to stand out here and wait with me, she won't be long." I say in an almost monotone way. "I want to, and I'm not going to let you stand out here by yourself." Just then I get a glimpse of Sharon's car and glance over at Dale, he couldn't even look me in the eye, he just rocked back and forth on his feet, hands shoved back into his pockets. "I'll talk to you later Dale." I said and stepped off the curb. "Okay." I suddenly felt light headed and had to take a few deep breaths when I got into the car, I didn't even remember opening the door. A horrible cutting feeling was tearing thru my heart as Sharon's car backed out of the space. I watched Dale standing out there alone. I leaned forward a little and braced my head against my hands, Sharon tried to calm me down but soon she was crying too. Oh gheesh it was one big blubber fest! ********* Everyone thought we were *IT*, we were going to have THE big wedding with so many memories and plans having been made, so many nights we laid in bed and talked about the future, the blast of going to parties, football games and on and on. I truly, dearly, love Dale and he me, so why didn't we have our happy ending? ********** "Your nuts!" I said and hung up on Nikki's boyfriend when he called demanding I never see Nikki again. I guess he figures that if Nikki wouldn't break up with me then he could 'order me' into doing the deed, well you can just forget about that ever happening! Rob kept pressuring Nikki and I into breaking up, while Dale tried the other approach, killing me with kindness (guilt) into getting back together. Sharon made matters worse by bad mouthing anyone that said something mean about me or Nikki (Sharon has Nikki's back now? And is even super nice and supportive towards us! Miracles do happen!). Most of the girls on the soccer team did not act too surprised, mostly they were like 'About time you two came out of the closet', what the hell! I am NOT coming out of a closet, I just happen to be in love with another girl! But I like guys too. I guess the thing that really blew me and Nikki away was the insensitive questions, phone calls, messages, and emails. All the single people (guys and girls) wanting to go out, guys first offering their sympathies and a warm shoulder to cry on, before slipping in the 'Want to get a coffee, or drink?' The trickle soon turned into an avalanche of dating proposals. HELL NO! The whole situation was really messing with Dale's head, or as he would explain it: 'My ex-Girlfriend is now dating her best friend, another girl.' ********** So it's a Saturday night and I am pacing the apartment again, Nikki has to work tonight, she works part time as a waitress at this really nice Restaurant. I had plenty of friends asking me to go out but didn't feel like company and I already re-studied all my class material until I can babble it in my sleep backwards. So on a whim I decided to hoof it down to one of the bars on Campus because I needed to get the hell out of this apartment! And what the hell the bar was literally a block away! I should just sit at home and chill out to some music....but I had a million thoughts swirling around my brain as I strolled down the sidewalk. "Hey tubby" I say to the bouncer at the door, no I'm not being a smart-ass, his nickname was 'Tubby' because he was a bit of a lard ass, and that WAS his nickname. "Good to see you, how are you doing Corbin?" He asked. "Okay." I sigh. "Three bucks." He says. "Three bucks? Cover tonight?" I pause in shock. I don't like paying cover to get into any place. "What's up with that? Am I not showing enough cleavage tonight?" I smirk and wave my hands out to the side. Tubby just laughs out loud "There's a band tonight, sorry." He groans. "They should pay me three bucks to listen to that fingernails-on- blackboard music." I mumble while fishing into my pockets. He normally would give me a pass, letting me in for free, but Management was cracking down on the freebies. So he takes my three bucks stamps my hand and I walk in. Yipee! "Oh sorry about you and Dale." He says which causes me to smile a little and then asks "Hey are you and Nikki really an item?" Now that caused me to freeze and give a sharp look over my shoulder, not sure how to respond or react, I guess hearing people openly talk about Nikki and I dating will take some getting used to. "Yeah we are dating." and nod. "Good Lord!" His eyes get wide as he leans back some and seems to catch himself getting ready to say something, maybe inappropriate, "Sorry I just mean, well, you and Nikki are such hot girls, it's that....I dunno." I can't help but smile and give him a slight wave of the hand "It's okay." and walk into the club. Oh I know there has been plenty of male salivating about Nikki and I dating. I took about five steps and stop, standard protocol, I always do that....survey the scene and decide if I am going to leave or stay. So I'm standing there in my most fashionable attire: Old pair of really kick ass black boots, faded jeans that flare out slightly at the bottom, and a button down dark blue silk shirt, long sleeve cause it was chilly that night. Funny but I get the most compliments when I'm in my jeans, which are nothing special, faded and a little form fitting but I've been told it's the way they tend to be a bit 'snug' around my butt. So yeah I bet they look good on me. But now I want to cry! Because Dale always used to say how beautiful I looked in these jeans, and would always compliment how great my ass looked in them. Nikki said the exact same thing when she first saw me in these!!! My god I am having a total emotional melt down suddenly! Quickly I look down and blink my eyes, force myself not to cry, and take a deep breath before looking back around the room. (Now let me pause here and explain a few things about my state of mind, outside of Dale and Nikki. If people, guys and girls, had a problem with me I suppose it was somewhat justified, I was coming up on my Senior year and I could be full of my self. I could out weight-lift any girl (and a lot of guys), almost out run any girl (and a lot of guys) on campus (except some of those track girls they are damn fast and the then there are the long distance runners). Add to that I used can do gymnastics, could be a terror on the soccer field, and used to date one of the best looking guys at School, and now was dating probably the best looking girl in School. And then the icing on the cake was that I was almost making straight A's! Soooooo basically I thought I was HOT stuff, and why not, it took me years of socially struggling to reach where I was while still maintaining my self-respect and dignity. Maybe I was a snotty, arrogant, know it all, jock with a chip on my shoulder, but now that I think about it, what the hell do they know! Screw them! I don't even care! ;) And I'm blonde so NAH!) Blondes have more fun because we are more fun!! So where were we? Oh yeah, I'm scanning the bar and some guys are now scanning me, come on you goofs show some discretion! Plain as day I can see you elbowing each other and nodding in my direction. I do my little awkward shuffle of my feet and flip some of my hair over my right shoulder before stuffing my hands into my pockets. I see a few groups of friends waving me over to join them and I almost did, but what I caught sight of next caused my stomach to turn for there was Tiffany. (Don't remember her? Well you'll have to go back and brush up, she's had her sights set on Dale for years now, never mind the fact Dale and I were dating!) To top things off 'Tiffany' was what my parents almost called me at birth, did I mention that? How ironic, so I'm looking across the room at my alter ego (In that Tiffany and I were such opposites.) My face pinched into an uncomfortable expression as I kind of block out the band, loud patrons, and cigarette smoke and try to come to terms with the thought that this loudmouth bitch is making big plans to swoop in and make Dale 'her man'. I want to puke! And punch her in the face! Now I don't feel like staying and do about-face thinking 'I will go back to my apartment and just chill' wait for Nikki to come over when she gets off work. "You okay?" Tubby asks as I reappear just a minute later. "Yeah, too tired." I groan. "Here!" He calls out and hands me back my three bucks "No sense, you didn't stay." "Thanks Tubby." I sigh and try to give him a sweet smile but I know it comes out being sad. I slowly stroll down the sidewalk thinking about how to piece this all together. Maybe there is no piecing it together there is just letting things find there own fit and not to force things. ********** I used to think that exercise was a good way to blow off steam/vent, you know, but that can't happen if people do NOT follow the rules! "Why whatever do you mean Corbin? Please give us an example!" Gladly! The one thing that grates on my nerves most of all are the guys and girls that feel the need to DROP the dumbbells on the floor. There are signs posted all around the gym "Please do not drop the weights" (Those signs are printed in clear English letters by the way...not 'wingdings' font.) But apparently that does not apply to these knuckleheads (or they can not read), they huff- and-puff and have about ten aneurisms trying to get those giant dumbbells into the air, and when they've exhausted every last ounce of strength from their body, they go totally lax, letting the big weights flop to the ground with jarring THUMP! Instead of struggling to do just one-more-rep, I use that last bit of energy to gently set the weights down on the ground. It's called respecting the rules of the establishment, but respect in this society is becoming a foreign term to most people. I think I've made myself very clear on this! **********