********************


I did something one weekend that really caused a stir.  But I 
need to give you the setup: I was taking a computer class, I 
hated it, but it was very basic, very easy, but a core 
requirement, you know.  I am just your basic user, someone 
actually speaking about the inner workings of computers can 
send me into an instant coma. Well anyway the point of me 
bringing this up is because that class is where I met Chris.

So there I was sitting in my 'puter class when we were told to 
pair up with someone. The project we would be working on 
would require a partner over the next several weeks. So I am 
sitting there in my standard attire of sandals, running shorts, 
and tee shirt. So anyway I look to my right and there is Tony 
(he was a real ass, tried to dress cool, wore stupid caps on 
backwards, and talked to me non-stop and a cocky-frat-boy 
*groan*). Now to my left was Chris. Chris is the kind of guy that 
gets lost in a crowd, wears glasses (could use an updated pair) 
and is shy, very shy around girls. He was a Freshmen while I 
was Junior, I could also tell he still had some residual High 
School issues, like he was not popular in school, had a small 
circle of friends, and most definitely did not have a girlfriend.

So I see Tony turn to me and open his mouth, I know what's 
coming, he is going to ask to partner up with me for this project, 
well the hell with that! I had other ideas and jerk my head to my 
left and whack Chris on his right shoulder with the back of my 
hand and say, "You want to be my partner?" Poor kid about 
jumps out of his seat.
 
Both Tony and Chris were stunned, but for very different 
reasons. Tony was dumbstruck because his plan was totally 
shattered when I blew him off. Chris was dumbstruck like he 
was having some panic attack and literally sat there for a 
second (Come on you can do it kid, just pronounce that word 
'Yes' I know you want to). I think when a guy like Chris is 
confronted by a girl asking them to do something together they 
panic. His lips seemed to open and close several times as if he 
was trying to manually start his vocal chords when finally;
 
"Yeah....okay." He was now staring at me, still staring at me, 
weird staring, gheesh I hope I didn't make a mistake here.
 
Boy-oh-boy was Tony pissed! He also thought I was playing 
hard to get too and after class walked right up to me in front of 
Chris inviting me to a Frat party (BTW - I was dating Dale and 
everyone knew this, but guys like Tony didn't care). Chris was 
not a member of any Fraternity or sports, or anything I think, he 
just went to class and that was it.

I'm like three inches taller then Chris in sandals and I am in a 
hell of a lot better shape. Poor guy could use some gym time, 
put some muscle on his lanky body. Not a bad looking guy over 
all, dark brown hair, parted on the side and cut short. His 
clothes were also a little bit outdated, but let's not even go there 
because I am probably the bigger fashion victim.
 
"Did you still want to get together on the project?" Chris asked.

"Yeah absolutely!" I just smiled but he still looked at me funny 
like from the way he was clutching his backpack and looked so 
stiff and nervous.
 
"I'm Corbin by the way." Just to formally introduce myself 
although we already knew each other's names. I gave him a 
firm shake of the hand, had to be careful as I just about 
crushed his poor hand, he must have been very nervous cause 
his hands were a bit damp, a little clammy maybe.
 
So would it be over the top to think he was a little star struck? 
Maybe, I mean in his eyes I must have been this popular, 
athletic Soccer Team member who is dating some big shot 
Football player with a large circle of friends. That might be his 
view of me, but in my eyes I was just a dorky girl who liked 
lifting weights, everything else was excess baggage.
 
"You have plans tomorrow night? We could meet at the 
library?" I asked.
 
"Tomorrow's Friday, you sure?" Chris seemed to almost gasp.
 
"Uh yeah." I raised my eyebrows like I am actually not clueless, 
"I know it's Friday." I smile a little. Maybe he thought I 
automatically had plans for a Friday night, wow this guy is so 
nervous around me, it's kind of cute...for now but might get 
annoying if he keeps it up. Actually I did have plans, but Dale 
and Sharon would have to just pitch a fit.
 
Now let's clear the air about something. I did have some ulterior 
motive here, to stir some shit up! You see even though Dale 
and I were very serious I had a few other guys keeping tabs on 
me even though I was NOT dating any of them. 'Tabs' as in 
where I went, what parties I attended, when I went out with my 
girlfriends, and so on. And then *POOF* those guys just 
happened to show up at the same place. I definitely would not 
classify them as stalkers but these guys wanted to socialize 
with me, date me; all a method to the madness you see. So 
they would coordinate their social attacks, the same crap that 
women do. Oh yeah I had some women chasing me as well 
(another ramble for another time). So my ulterior motive was to 
send all these people in my immediate and distant social circles 
into a tizzy by hanging out a little with Chris. 

But Chris is a decent, nice guy so I wanted to be careful with 
his feelings, as long as he doesn't turn out to be some kind of 
freak!


**********


Nikki and I had met for another one of our secret little 
rendezvous, yeah we thought we were so clever, going to a 
movie, or going to some place way outside of the College area 
to hang out and have some time together. 

We had just picked up a big ice cream cone and sat down on a 
secluded Park bench when I told her about my little class 
project and how Chris was sending shockwaves thru the social 
channels. We sat side by side, facing toward one another while 
I held the cone up, we would alternate taking a small bite or lick 
from the melting vanilla scoops. 

"Be careful Corbin." Nikki warned, "Don't hurt the guys 
feelings." 

"I wouldn't do that." I pouted, "I'm not mean like that."

"Not intentionally, but just please make sure he doesn't fall too 
hard for you." Nikki smirked and then took a lick, held her 
tongue out with a nice amount of vanilla sitting on the tip. No 
invitation was needed and I smiled. I felt all warm inside as I 
leaned in and sucked the ice cream off her tongue, and sucked 
some more.

I did the same and Nikki turned her sultry expression on full 
blast that radiates pure erotic, sex appeal and proceeded to 
slowly suck every bit of ice cream off my tongue.

"Who the fuck needs a spoon." Nikki moaned and we started to 
kiss long and deep, then we got carried away, coming up with 
new and creative ways to finish off the ice cream cone.

We kept an eye out for any unwanted visitors, all clear! So back 
to kissing!


**********


"Who's Chris?" Was the question that I got peppered with by 
everyone.
 
"My Computer Lab partner." I would say casually and that was 
usually the end of it. I was amazed at how quickly word spread.
 
That Friday night I met Chris. I was on time and he was early 
but he had this twitchy look going on like thinking I might not 
show up, Lord this poor guy has either been used/played by 
girls, picked on in school, or both, and many more. He 
constantly had his defenses up but more accurately he was in 
'survival mode' all the time.

Well I'm going to help build his confidence up! I think? :) We will 
see.
 
So we find a study room to work in and begin mapping out our 
project. I felt bad because I found out he lives at home and had 
to drive all the way into school to meet me at the library.
 
"Hey I could meet you at your house if you want?" I suggested 
and his face got flushed 'Please tell me he's not going into 
cardiac arrest.' I began to worry.
 
"You sure?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper.
 
"Yeah, it's only fair, cause you drove all the way out here."
 
"It's no problem." He said meekly. 

All the while we worked on our project I could tell he was 
distracted. Looking at me, my legs, arms and chest, 'checking 
me out' if you will. I don't think he was even focusing on my 
muscles yet, he was still amazed an attractive girl was 
interested in talking with him, sitting only a couple of feet from 
him. (*snort*giggle*chuckle* I called myself 'attractive', how 
dorky, sorry I'll try and reign in the self-appreciation? Is that the 
right phrase?)
 
So we spent the last half hour, till almost 10:00pm, talking 
about a little bit of everything, my sports activities, High School, 
some politics. I thought he was at ease now but that got blown 
out of the water when we stepped out onto the sidewalk and I 
said "So write down directions to your house and I'll come over 
some time this week." He couldn't whip that paper out fast 
enough, it was pretty interesting, the way his hand was shaking 
a little as he wrote it down. Great the 'spaz' Chris has returned.

It was a good thing he was starting to get 'at ease' around me, 
because as we walked out of class it was about 11:50 AM so I 
casually said "Hey, I'm meeting a friend for lunch, want to join 
us?"

"Okay." He said but that meek tone has to go, too bad I can't 
shock (or physically shake) it out of his system, but some things 
take time.

So we're walking down the sidewalk towards this small bistro I 
like to eat at, and I wave to a few friends, I've got one eye out 
for Chris as we walk and he seems to be doing okay, I really 
shouldn't worry so much about him, he's a bright kid but very 
introverted. 

But suddenly I'm focusing on just one person, she's a dark 
haired beauty and our faces break out into big beautiful smiles 
at almost the same time, our arms outstretch as I pull the 
beautiful girl into a tight hug. We give a lingering kiss on each 
other's cheeks but still keep our arms interlocked, sorry I can't 
help it, we have no self-control at times.

"Chris, this is my dearest friend in the world, Nikki." I smile, 
"Nikki, this is Chris."

"Hi Chris." Nikki smiles and I observe how Chris is slipping into 
a state of shock, I'm thinking 'Just relax kid be yourself', but he 
is now lost in beauty-shock, Nikki has that affect on men, men 
literally break their necks to turn and look at Nikki as she walks 
past them.


**********


Initially I think it might have been a bad decision to go over 
Chris' house it was definitely making this look more then it was. 

I remember pulling up into the driveway of this rancher style 
brick house, pretty nice, well maintained yard (foreshadowing 
here folks of my gardening days to come) It was getting late, 
sun was setting behind the line of trees and then I catch site of 
this car rolling down the road, but now it's slowing down and its 
a car load of guys, 'What the fuck are you looking at?' I stop 
and watch to see what their problem is, they creep on by 
looking at me like either they just 'like the view' or maybe they 
know Chris and having some girl, like me, showing up at his 
house is a non-occurrence all together. 

'Yes take a good look fella's, this tall blonde is heading up to 
your buddy Chris' house, but not for what you think, but go 
ahead and fantasize.'
 
Now why did I think this could have been a bad decision? 
Well for starters his parents greet me like some visiting 
dignitary; warm smiles, chatty, very nice parents in all. I actually 
wanted to say 'Hold on I am NOT his girlfriend, we are just 
doing a project together.' 

Gheesh before I left that night I think they were planning our 
wedding or something.
 
So while I was over there we spent most of the time working in 
his bedroom. I didn't stumble upon any embarrassing 
items/articles. Chris did start to act a little awkward around me 
at times because I am not sure if he was properly coping with 
the vibe I was putting out. I had not given him any romantic or 
flirtatious cues, but I know how it is, a guy's little sex drive is 
always running, always, so I may be sitting back talking about 
finishing this paper but he is looking at my legs, my butt, 
wondering what it would be like to kiss me, hold me, what color 
my underwear is, what my bra size is (do I wear a front or back 
hook), and so on, get my drift? Good, moving right along.


**********


Our next meeting I invited him back to my apartment. Yeah I 
skipped a short period of time where Sharon and I got an 
apartment together, out with the the old dorm room. That's 
right, Sharon and I, not Nikki. Nikki and I living together? Are 
you people on drugs! 

If Nikki and I were just platonic friends, then fine. 

Never mind it's complicated. 

So Chris was a nervous wreck in my apartment, not sure what 
to say or do it seemed, he fumbled with his thoughts, although 
he was in far better emotional shape now then he was first 
around me. He seemed sharp enough to realize I wasn't putting 
out any physical vibes, so he didn't try and put the moves on 
me. (Hey! I have an idea, how about you just relax and be 
yourself, how about that!)

"You want a beer? wine? water? Maybe some milk?" I laughed 
a little at my milk comment, he smiled and ended up accepting 
a beer, he was also buzzed by the end of the beer so I was 
afraid he might have to crash on the couch.

I gave him the grand tour, and he was very intrigued by all my 
sports stuff, pictures, I told him most of my medals were at 
home where my Mom and Dad proudly put them on display. He 
took a very keen interest in my gymnastic photos, big surprise 
there <rolling eyes> most guys do.

"Wow, didn't know you did gymnastics. You look amazing!" He 
blushed but kept staring at the photos, I studied his expression, 
watched as his eyes drifted to another set of photos of me 
doing a split handstand. "Wow" He sighed and leaned in, the 
beer was making him verbally bold now, he still had that 
awkward self-awareness, hence the sudden blushing. But he 
kept gawking at the photos.

'What's not to stare at?' Dale once said, 'Beautiful girl in a tight 
leotard, your body bending in all sorts of poses.'

I must admit while looking at the photo, I did look pretty 
spectacular in my leotard while getting ready to dismount from 
the balance beam. "That's ok" I sigh and walk up next to him 
and give his shoulder a reaffirming grip, "I get that reaction from 
all the guys." and just give him a big knowing smile.

"I'm sure you do." Chris smiled and shook his head. This shy 
thing is getting on my nerves, Oh well. Hey listen to me will you 
talking all big and stuff like I never used to be an introvert.

I tried another ice-breaker "Hey look I'm even more toned now!" 
I blurted out and stepped back, pulled up the hem of my cargo 
shorts and stuck out my left, then right leg, flexing each one 
while rotating my hips. I was getting very comfortable around 
Chris and was letting my guard down, but Chris just froze, 
mouth slightly open, he was such a cutie! And a nice guy!

Uhm, maybe doing that flexing thing was a mistake? 
"Okay, shows over." I say with a little smirk and drop the hem of 
my shorts. 

Chris shook his head and sighed, then took a quick sip of his 
beer, "Didn't mean to stare like that, just you're such a 
beautiful, girl and in such great shape."

"It's okay Chris." I reach out and shake his shoulder lightly. He 
is so anxiety ridden that teasing and joking sometimes just flies 
right over his head. 

"Why did you stop gymnastics? Your 'form', I guess that's what 
it's called, looks perfect." He went back to studying a few other 
pictures.

"Yeah well," I chuckled, "I also fell down a lot, besides, I like the 
team dynamics of soccer a lot more."

"So, are you uhm....." He hesitated.

"Spit it out will you! I won't bite your head off." I shrugged and 
waved my arms out a little.

"Are you still just as flexible?" He raised his hand holding the 
beer and faintly gestured to a picture of me doing split-jump, or 
could have been a split-leap, anyway at the height of the jump 
you have to have your legs in perfect 180 degrees of 
separation (sounds very official doesn't it?)

"Absolutely" I smile and take two steps back, I kick my shoes 
off and let my socks slide across the wooden flooring until I am 
sitting in a full split. "Ta-da!" I say and raise my hands into the 
air as if to emphasis 'no big deal', I then showoff some and 
reach my left hand over to touch my right toe, bring my chest 
down to the floor to perform a sweeping motion from right to left 
to touch my left toes with my right hand, "Still just as flexible." 
And go to stand back up.

"Good lord." Chris gawked and his jaw stayed slack somewhat. 
He looked back over at the dresser stopped at another picture. 

"That must be Dale?" Chris briefly gestured toward a large 
picture of us on the beach during Spring Break, next to that 
another picture of a large group of us at some big social 
event/party/whatever. I just smiled and touched one of the 
pictures, getting momentarily lost as I felt a wave of joy, and 
sadness, wash over me.

"Yep, that's my man" I say proudly.

"You two make a great looking couple." Chris said and gave me 
a quick glance.

I took a deep breath my smile faded a little, "That's what 
everyone says."

"But I have very conservative values, if you know what I mean." 
I gave him a playful look raising one eyebrow. Got nothing in 
return, just a blank clueless stare, maybe the beer was clouding 
his concentration. The constant distractions of being alone with 
me, in my bedroom, also kept him from focusing on what I was 
saying. I know the look, guys are thinking about everything, 
except what is coming out of a girl's mouth.

"I'm a virgin." I say bluntly and lower my head, awaiting his 
reaction. His eyes go wide and this amazing look flashes 
across his face, like one of relief maybe?

Chris pauses, "That's great Corbin, well I mean, I'm glad your 
sticking to your values, you just hear so many things these 
days, like no one keeps anything sacred anymore."  and kind of 
shrugs.

"So very true." I say with a faint smile, "So what about you? Are 
you experienced?" he doesn't get my reference to the Jimi 
Hendrix song, he just gets this sour expression on his face and 
looks away with a shrug.

"Sorry I just thought we were kind of opening up a little, didn't 
mean to pry and put you on the spot." I touch his shoulder a 
little more tenderly.

"Nah, it's ok, just that virginity for girls is seen as a blessing, but 
for guys it's like some shameful curse." 

That's all he needed to say, the somber tone in his voice and 
expression, on the verge of tears even, told me everything. He 
was a virgin and not by choice, but because he's never been 
close enough with a girl to get to maybe even second base.

"Must be nice, having a large group of friends and being so 
popular." Chris kept staring at a few more of my photos and I 
rolled my eyes while consciously trying not to laugh. 

I really need to get this discussion on to something more 
uplifting, not to mention he is starting to do what a lot of guys 
do, so let's stop things right now; "Chris do not put me up on a 
pedestal, not all of them are friends, more like acquaintances, it 
just kind of works out that way and it's not something I really 
pursue or means a heck of a lot to me. I've got a very few close 
friends and that's really it." 

I had Chris' full attention now, he seemed much more relaxed 
now, so I decided to keep talking.

"And you see all of those Frat guys," I point to a picture that 
was taken at a party, "The one's holding up their beer cans and 
being obnoxious for the camera, don't envy them, they're 
retards and most of them add little to no value to society."

"But you hang out with them and go to their parties." Chris 
quickly followed up.

"No I don't hang with them, Dale is a member of a Fraternity, on 
the Football Team, and Dale is my boyfriend, therefore I 
sometimes have to compromise and attend a party or two, or 
three. But Dale is not this crazy party animal, although when he 
does get plastered he can get very annoying." I kind of smile as 
a few images float thru my brain, Dale gets all mushy and 
sentimental around me when he gets plastered. 

"Besides!" I suddenly exclaim with a smile and wave my hands 
in front of me as if presenting myself and he should take notice, 
"I act the same no matter where I am, I do not suddenly make a 
personality transformation when I go to parties."

"That's a relief." Chris smiled.

A loud slamming of the front door causes Chris to jump a little.

"I'm home!" Came Sharon's big mouth, the Princess has arrived 
home! She must announce this every time she walks in.

God help poor Chris when he meets Sharon.


**********


I was sitting on the edge of my bed while Sharon started in 
once again on her concerns about the depth of my relationship 
with Nikki. I could only let out an exhausted moan while shaking 
my head in despair, "What is it?"
 
"I hear all these rumors, like stuff going on between you and 
Nikki."

"Will you leave that alone already." rolling my eyes.
 
"I'm talking about a reliable source of mine that saw you two lip-
locked in a parking lot one night, what the fuck is that all about? 
Good god Corbin, please tell me your not involved with her 
romantically."

My heart was pounding frantically, but I fought to remain seated 
and calm, my jaw was clenching as my knees wanted to 
spastically bounce on the balls of my feet. 'Lip-locked? OMG!' 

Suddenly everything took on a whole other meaning to hear 
that people had seen me and Nikki being physical with one 
another, my head was spinning. My privacy was being invaded, 
out in the open for people to secretly manipulate and gossip, I 
felt nauseous.

"Sharon," I said, every muscle tensed to remain seated and 
calm, "Nikki and I are close friends, that's it."

"I know you," Sharon said pointing at me, "and I see how your 
acting and don't you think Dale will freak out if he knew you 
were fooling around with Nikki like that?" Sharon continued.
 
"Oh God." I moaned and leaned forward, placing my head into 
my palms.

"You think everyone out there is just all wonderfully supportive 
of you two? Hell no, a lot of guys and girls would love it if you 
two broke up." Sharon said as she brushed some lint off the 
front of her dress, but quickly looked back up, "A lot of guys 
would just love for you to be back in the single scene again."
 
"The single scene?" I made an awful tasting expression, since 
when was I ever on the single scene, how nasty. "Well that's 
not going to happen!" I snapped.
 
"Now do you see Corbin? Do you understand what people are 
hearing and saying?" Sharon folded her arms across her chest.
 
"No I don't see Sharon, screw them....I don't care, let them talk 
all they want, it wont change anything." I sighed and shook my 
head in disbelief.
 
"Oh you're so right it won't change a thing." Sharon, ever the 
perfectionist, adjusted the straps over her shoulders again as 
she surveyed the hint of cleavage that rose up from the front, of 
her outfit, and she made another adjustment, "Gossip never 
infiltrates relationships and causes issues."

I am doomed, doomed I say, and my own ignorance helped 
things along. Oh well, 'Ignorance is bliss' as they say.
 

**********


It was close to the end of the semester and the project was 
done, finished! 

A++++++ :)

So anyway I suggested a movie as a way to celebrate, I think 
Chris saw it as a date. Well I did dress-up some, short skirt, low 
v-cut shirt with some makeup and lipstick. I could tell he 
seemed awkward around me again, he has no 'moves' or 'cool 
lines' he just had no confidence around girls. That' okay, I didn't 
mind towing the line thru our friendship.
 
We pulled up to my apartment complex and I was ready to blurt 
out my usual 'Thanks for the ride, see ya' later!' and jump out. 
But I had a moments thought, errrrrr 'oh-no' overload! Blonde 
brain now attempting to think! *crunch* *grind* *sputter*

"Want to come up for a second?" I asked.
 
"Sure." He said and smiled a little. 

I walked up the stairs and got my keys out, Sharon wasn't 
home so I didn't have to worry about her. He did a nervous 
pace around my bedroom until I sat on my bed and folded my 
left leg over my right.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Chris asked.

"Sure, this sounds intriguing!" I said, I was actually giddy with 
anticipation as Chris was always so polite. The thought of him 
asking me a personal question really got my curiosity going.  

"So your still dating Dale, still together?" He began pacing my 
room a little.

"We still date, yes, why?"

"Just wondering." He sighed and wouldn't look at me.

"Chris is there something you want to ask, just ask, I'm not 
going to flip out on you." I sighed and stood up to turn my radio 
on. Actually I might flip-out, you can never tell with me. :)

"Would you go out with me? On a date, not just socially as 
friends." 

Wow! He really got to the point that time, no beating around the 
bush. I adjust the volume down on my radio and turned to my 
left with a smile, for a second he thinks I might say 'yes' and his 
expression lights up, "You're my friend Chris, and I want it to 
stay that way." Then his expression went flat, no smile, no 
frown, he just turned away and reached for one of my trophies 
on my dresser, tilting it back to read the inscription at the 
bottom.

"That's okay, I know you get asked out by a lot of guys, and like 
you said, you are still dating Dale."

"Chris come here a second." I said softly and sat back down on 
the bed patting the area next to me with my right hand, 
indicating it was okay for him to sit next to me. 

Like walking on egg shells he slowly took a couple of steps and 
sat down, nervously folding his hands in his lap, then unfolding 
them, he very nervous.

(This is really sad, as a girl I can't extend much affection 
towards Chris, like a simple hug or some other kind gesture 
because he might misread the signals. It's like I have to exist 
on this island and allow only a very few select people in. I know 
many girls that are not selective at all and are very huggy, 
touchy, and feely with guys. They don't care and like flirting. I 
could easily walk up to Dale and start swaying with him to the 
music on the radio, I'd like to do that with Chris right now, but 
he would probably faint and get the wrong idea. Which is only 
more painful.) 

"Would you say that you are a complicated person 
emotionally?" I ask. I know that question threw him because it 
came out of left field, as they say.

"Well I suppose so."

"And me, do you think I'm complicated?" I asked.

"Yeah, all girls are complicated." He sighed and shook his 
head.

"Yeah we are, but does my life seem complicated?" I rephrased 
the question.

"Not sure, but you have sports, lots of friends and a boyfriend, 
you seem to have a really good time here at school." He 
shrugged maybe he wanted to say more but was afraid.

"I've got a lot of relationship issues right now that are major 
pain in my butt!" I take my right index finger lean to the left and 
literally jab it into the side of my right butt. He smiles, I laugh 
and then he laughs some.

"I just don't want you to misunderstand what I'm going to ask 
you, okay?" 
 
"Okay" He said with a look of intense curiosity and I stare at 
him a few seconds longer, to which he finally nods 'yes'. When I 
feel like he gets my drift I then move on to my next question;

"Have you ever kissed a girl?" 
 
He sits stone faced for a second looks a little pale and I think 
he is even sweating now. So is he going to bullshit me or tell 
me the truth, he seems to be contemplating something when 
his lips get really tight, now his whole face looks tense as he 
looks away, back down to his lap. 
 
"Nope."
 
That was it, a simple short, very quick 'Nope'.
 
I think he was expecting me to kick him out of the apartment, 
but his head slowly comes around as he sees me shift my body 
on the bed so I am a little more angled towards him.
 
"Now, I want you to turn towards me some, bring your right 
knee up on the bed, like this..." and I start grabbing and moving 
his shoulders and push and pull on his legs to set him up. He is 
looking totally confused as I pretty much move him around like 
a piece of furniture. "Comfortable?" I ask.
 
"Uh, yeah" he looks as me kind of awkwardly, a nervous smile 
flashing on his face. With my knees drawn up on the bed my 
skirt is kind of hiked up my thighs, but that's okay, I don't think I 
am flashing him with my underwear. But I do notice his eyes 
looking at my long, muscular legs with a great deal of intensity. 
Weird, cause now I'm blushing a little as I try and set this up, 
and he's getting nervous, because he's breathing a bit faster 
and looks a bit flushed. I take his left hand and pull it over 
towards me and place it on my shoulder while pulling his right 
hand down to my hip. 

Chris doesn't even ask any questions, not a 'Why?', or 'What', 
or anything, he is just totally trusting me. I think he has a few 
suspicions but just seems to be totally going with it.
 
"Now, how would you kiss me?" I say with a smile. 'Uh-Oh' he 
looks like he is going to have a panic attack now! "It's okay." I 
say and smile some more. I can feel his fingers tense, in fact 
his whole body has a faint tremble I think, so I better take 
charge, again. 

But then slowly he starts to lean in.
 
"Close your eyes." I whisper when he's about an inch from my 
face.
 
"Sorry" He gasps, "I just wanted to make sure I didn't miss your 
mouth."

I smile and feel his lips on mine for a second, he's got soft lips, 
but he simply pulls away, now looking and feeling even more 
stiff.
 
"Like that?" He asks. Wow, he is almost shaking like a leaf 
now.
 
"Well, not exactly, I mean that was okay, if you're going to kiss 
your mom or something."
 
"Sorry." He sighs in frustration and for a second looks like he 
wants to cry.
 
"Hey, hey...." I softly stroke his cheeks with my hands, "Just 
relax okay. You've heard that song by Aaliyah 'Try Again'?" I 
ask.
 
"Yeah"
 
"Well....try again!" I smile reassuringly. Slowly he comes in and 
presses his lips against mine and I whisper into his mouth, 
"Now relax okay? This is suppose to be pleasurable." And I 
softly caress his shoulders and arms.
 
"Sorry I'm just nervous." he sighs and I lean away from him, 
studying his body language.
 
"Just go slow." I say while pulling back some more, "Take your 
time, I can't speak for all girl's but try and find a complimentary 
rhythm with your partner and you'll want to softly stroke my 
arms and back." I smile reassuringly. Normally, this would NOT 
be allowed, I don't casually kiss anyone, but Chris was my pet 
project :) so a little light petting was in order.
 
"Okay" he smiles and I give him a few pecks on the lips and 
can tell he is breathing harder now, I wasn't trying to tease the 
guy, just help him. Basically I was trying to get him to open up 
and relax, instead of clutching onto me for dear life, I told him 
that he needed to observe and be responsive to what I was 
doing, in essence to what *his* date was doing, and yes there 
were times when you would want to 'Take Charge!'

"And one more thing," I say pulling away, but our faces are still 
real close at this point.

"What?"

"When you lean in to kiss, tilt your head a little to the opposite 
of your partners, not a lot but just a little." I smile.

"Can I try once more?" He asks.

"Okay." I whisper and he leans in, tilts his head and I slowly 
move my lips over his as he tries to find a complimentary 
rhythm to my mouth.

"Corbin you have such soft lips, I've never felt anything so soft." 
He moans into my mouth.

"Thank you." I whisper back, and then the little devil's left hand 
moves down to stroke my bare thigh.

"That will do." I pull pack and smile.

"Any pointers on French kissing?" He blushes and tilts his head 
down.

*Snort* *Giggle* "Hahaha...." I cover my mouth quickly, "Sorry, 
but No! I'll let you work that out with your next girlfriend." I smile 
and place his left hand back on his lap. Let's not get carried 
away here!

But like I said Chris was a project of mine and at least now he 
can say he kissed a girl! I also noticed he was looking hot, 
flustered and now sporting a major hard-on in his pants. Didn't 
do anything for me at all, no sparks, nothing. It was a very 
bland kiss, but oh well. Didn't do it for me, I did it for Chris.

"So there, see, not so hard." I smile and go to stand up he 
follows my lead a second later. "I'll walk you down to your car, 
oh wait!" I suddenly remember and turn around to my dresser 
to grab one of my gymnastic pictures, it was a really nice one in 
a frame.

"Here it's yours." I say and hand it to him.

He gets this great expression on his face of joy, but then 
hesitates, "I couldn't."

"Oh please, I have more of the same, a lot more! Here!" I push 
it toward him. He awkwardly takes the picture and looks down 
at it for a moment.

"I hope someday I can find a girlfriend like you, you're a lot 
different from all of the other girls I've met." He says. Now 
normally I find such sad, blubbering, self-pity talk to be 
annoying but I was still in a very giving sensitive mood. 

"Oh baby, it will happen." I say softly and step in to give him a 
hug. The poor boy seems ready to fall apart and cry so I pull 
him into my arms and hug him, that's when he then begins to 
quietly weep, he now returns my hug with more effort. "I know 
it's hard Chris, it takes such a long time for someone to get to 
know you, I know it can be painful."

"It's so frustrating, I just don't know what to say or do Corbin." 
He sobs a little more.

"Well, I'm no expert, but I think you'll do just fine." I smile and 
he tearfully thanked me again, and again, and again (okay I get 
it kid! You're grateful!) as I walked him to the door.
 
Chris is a nice guy who deserves a great girlfriend, and I think it 
was a shame that he was a Freshman in college without having 
even gotten to first base with a girl. I didn't feel bad for doing 
what I did, I didn't' feel like a tease or any of that, or that I was 
cheating on Dale. I felt like I was doing a good deed, boosting 
his confidence and Chris was a total gentleman about the 
whole thing. 

"Corbin?" Chris paused as he stepped across the threshold of 
my apartment, but paused.

"Yeah?" I asked and braced my right hand against the frame of 
the door while my left held the door open.

"You seem like you have everything going for you; friends, 
socially, sports, how do you do it?" He really seemed so 
awkward and unsure of how to express himself it broke my 
heart.

"Oh Chris" I sighed softly, "That's all superficial stuff, on the 
inside I really don't feel like I fit in, I just do the best I can and 
let the rest fall in place I suppose." I know that was a lame 
explanation and so many people feel like they miss out on 
experiencing things socially, only to live the rest of their lives in 
regret, hoping to somehow turn the hands of time back so they 
can go back and relive college or some part of their youth one-
more-time. "I guess I've had a lot of opportunities thrown my 
way, but with those open-doors come a lot of distractions from 
focusing on being a better person and achieving your dreams in 
life." I add. 

Wow, where did that somewhat deep philosophical statement 
come from?

He did get a girlfriend shortly thereafter and maybe....just 
maybe....I helped him in some way. We are friends to this day 
and trade emails once in awhile.


**********


!! RANT ALERT !!

Today I was sitting in the weight room when to my left this girl 
walks up and picks up a pair of 5 pound dumbbells (please 
don't strain yourself, really now). So the girl begins to raise her 
arms up to her side and then back down, then back up, but this 
time in front. She does this about fifteen times, sets the weights 
down and walks off. Uhmmmm, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT 
ALL ABOUT? You call that a workout? You must be kidding! I 
see that happen all the time, just pathetic. 


**********

Who am I kidding. I am a fool. I feel like such a looser.  'Oh 
shut up Corbin!' is what people want to tell me, what some tell 
me in so many words. "You have everything and all you do is 
complain!"

But I can't keep on having everything. I need to do the 'right 
thing' and stop seeing Dale, and commit to Nikki. This is 
something that Nikki and I have talked about at length. She will 
have her sit down with Rob, I will talk to Dale. Our respective 
boyfriends will go ape shit, there will be some apocalyptic 
aftermath to clean up, but its the right thing to do. Then Nikki 
and I can focus on our relationship. No more sneaking around.

Sounds like a great plan right?


**********