Not So Dirty Limericks.


Mary had a little sheep,
And with this sheep
She went to sleep.
The sheep turned out
To be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb!
---------------------------------
There once was a butcher named Sims
Who married a woman of whims.
She said "No!" once to often
So he bought her a coffin
And made farewell love to her limbs
---------------------------------
Help Murder Police
My mother fell in the grease
I laughed so hard 
I fell in the lard
Help Murder Police
---------------------------------
Little Willie Winkle
with a thirst for gore
stapled his sister to the door,
"Now Willie", his mother said with humor quaint,
"Don't do that, you'll scratch the paint"
---------------------------------
There once was a man from York
who picked his nose with a fork
when it got stuck
he cried "I don't give a fuck"
and walked around looking like a dork.
---------------------------------
There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22
---------------------------------
There was a farting contest coming to town
and people came from miles around
the first fart was extremely loud
the second fart pleased the crowd
the third fart, the judges cried
"He shit his pants, he's disqualified!"