DIRTY LYMERICKS. There Once Was A Man From Nantucket Who's Dick was so large he could suckit. As he said with a grin, as he wipped off his chin, If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it. --------------------------------- Little Jack Horner sat in a corner Eating her nice hair pie, He stuck in his thumb, She said, "Are you dumb?, Give me dick if you're ready to try!" --------------------------------- There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, Who had so many children and knew just what to do, She took to the streets, Trading blowjobs for eats, now she's full, and her kids are too! --------------------------------- There once was a girl from Great Britain, With her boobs all the guys they were smitten, She purchased a bra, The lads stared in awe, And said to her, "Babe, those won't fit in!" --------------------------------- A young gal with a dildo, named Jill, Climbed up to the top of a hill, She laid in the grass, And while it tickled her ass, She slid the fake dick all the way in, though! --------------------------------- There once was a man from Belize, His pecker hung down to his knees, The gals all adored it, But him, he abhored it, Because each time it stiffened, he sneezed! --------------------------------- There once was a man from Kubot who lived off of toe jam and snot, when he had none of these, he lived off the cheese, from the tip of his grungy old cock. --------------------------------- There once was a man named Dave, who kept a dead whore in a cave, she had only one tit, and smelled worse than shit, but think of the money he saved. --------------------------------- There once was a man from Nantucket, whose cock was so long he could suck it, while licking his chin, he said with a grin, if my ear was a pussy I'd fuck it. --------------------------------- There once was this guy called Mike, who met this chick he really liked, He tried to get near, and she gave him a sneer, cause the chick was a full-fledged dyke. --------------------------------- There once was a man from Kent, whose cock was so long it bent, to save himself trouble, he put it in double, and instead of cumming he went. --------------------------------- There once was a woman from Timbuktu who was still a virgin at twenty two till her boyfriend came along and pumped her all night long now she's at home with a baby named lulu. --------------------------------- There once was a man named Ken who banged a girl in his den, he knew something's wrong when a wart grew on his shlong and now he's in his den with Ben. --------------------------------- I once knew a person named Burl Whose looks would make you hurl why do I say it? I'm not full of shit this thing was half boy and half girl. --------------------------------- There once was a man from kanass Who's nuts were made out of brass in stormy weather he'd clack them together and lightning shot out of his ass --------------------------------- There once was a security guard Who had some troubles keeping it hard He jerked it off nightly And squeezed it tightly while looking at his identification card. --------------------------------- Gorgey Porgey puddin and Pie. Jerked off in his girlfriends eye. When her eye was good and shut, Gorgey Fucked that one eyed slut. --------------------------------- There once was a man from Peru who fell asleep in a canoe while dreaming of Venus he played with his penis and woke up all covered with goo --------------------------------- There was a young gypsy girl Rose With obsessions for gentlemens' hose Up her pussy, her rear, In her mouth and each ear And her cute little freckle-tipped nose. --------------------------------- There once was this guy named Stan Who had some trouble being a man He wore a dress and high heels And drove a Chevrolet with pink wheels And soon Stan became a tran --------------------------------- There was an old lady from Wheeling, who had a funny feeling she laid on her back, and tickled her crack and pissed all over the ceiling --------------------------------- There once was a man from Monclair Who screwed his wife on the stair, The banister broke, He quickened his stroke And finished her off in the air. --------------------------------- There once was this guy named Gored Whose girlfriend was as flat as a board He'd suck as hard as he could And pulled them more then he should But soon even Gored got bored. --------------------------------- There once was a man from Moline who made a jack off machine at thirty-two strokes the cock sucker broke and turned his balls into cream! --------------------------------- A sexy young maiden named Jill Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill They found her vagina In North Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil --------------------------------- There once was a man from St.Paul Who swore he had but one ball Two dirty young bitches Tore down his breeches And found he had none at all. --------------------------------- There was a young man from St. Rose, Whose love life was so full of woes, He loved sixty-nine, He'd do it all the time, But always got shit on his nose. --------------------------------- There was an old hag named Van Cleef, Who was constantly passing a queef. One day while visiting the farm, She passed one meaning no harm, But killed the whole herd of beef. --------------------------------- There once was a man named Lou Whose cum shots grew and grew By the time they were done He was having no fun Because the world was covered with goo!