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 My first time was in college back in the eighties.  I was dating this girl
named Autumn.  She was tall, about 5'10", and very curvy with a large bone
structure though not fat.  She was probably a B cup.  I was a bone and
about half inch shorter than her.  We started out just friends.  We would
get together and talk at all kinds of odd times.  Deep conversations.

   One evening it got late and we were on one of those old wooden swings
hanging off a mammoth oak tree on campus.  The kind some folks have on
their front porch.  It was one of those moments when you are just hanging
out talking with your friend, the next thing you know we are holding each
other and kissing.  I was the one who initiated the kissing.  I was holding
her and realized that she was turning me on, that she might mean more to me
than a friend, and then I launched a gentle kiss.  Well received a lauched
another one.  It seemed forever from the time that I moved from her lips to
her tongue.  My hands just holding her and too scared to do anything else.
It was one of those times you realize you and your best friend might mean
more to each other.

   We were both virgins at the time.  She was 17 and I was barely 18. 
Somehow she had managed to finish high school in three years.  We must have
kissed for hours on end.  By 1:00am we were officially dating.  We found
ourselves talking about everything, each seeming to know the other's
thoughts, and kissing every evening from then on out somewhere on the
campus.

   Naturally kissing led to back massages and the occasional slip of the
hand.  I was always afraid of getting my hand slapped.  This was still the
80's when you did not just hop right in the sack if you were interested in
a long-term relationship.  When the girls did not want to appear easy. 
Plus it was difficult to find any privacy since neither one of us owned a
car.  We were in no hurry and did not want to ruin a good thing.

   I was often horny and found myself back in my dorm room thinking about
making love to her.  I imagined my hands all over her, her bringing me to
climax with her tongue, and making love till the sun rose.  I could not
wait to see her tits for the first time.  The thought of getting my face
between her legs drove me wild.  But the mind was as far as I got.

   Within about six weeks we were standing in the shadows of one of the
campus buildings kissing each other and I decided to make the bold move of
running my hands between her legs.  She was wearing blue jeans and all I
could do was to rub the outside of her pants to gauge her interest.  I
think it freaked her out the first time, but I sure enjoyed it.  She was
startled and I figured I was in trouble.  I had been hoping she would
return the favor, but she did not.  That brief grope left me with a
perpetual hard-on every time I thought of her.

   One night I dared to carress her breasts through her shirt while we were
kissing.  She did not seem to object too much.  I could tell she was
aroused because her nipples were hard.  But still I had not managed to get
her to caress my cock.  My balls were in a state of perpetual blueness.

   Another month of kissing and my occasionally squeezing her boobs went by
and I managed to borrow a car for an evening.  We wound up parked way out
in the country in a field and I turned the radio on softly.  We started
kissing.  This went on for at least an hour.  I blew on her neck and
nibbled on her ears to turn her on.  I kissed the bottoms of her ears and
moved down her neck to her chest.  Grinning I asked if she minded.  She
said no and I began to unbutton her blouse and cup her breasts through her
size B bra.  I pulled her shirt completely out of her blue jeans and took
it off leaving only her bra to cover her chest.  I was already on the verge
of exploding I was so turned on.  Here she was with her shirt off and I
bewitched by her beauty and completely in love with her.

   For the next 15 minutes I kissed her chest and her nipples through her
bra.  I ran my hands up and down her back.  I kissed her flat stomach at
times and ran my tongue down to the top of her jeans.  She was gorgeous in
the moonlight and I wanted her.  Gaining confidence I unbuttoned her bra
and let her virgin breasts fall free.  They were perfect and soft to my
touch.  I kissed them, nibbled on her nipples, carressed them, and tried to
make her as horny as possible.  It was our first time and I wanted to enjoy
every minute of it.

   All this time I was hard as a rock and hoping she would unzip me or at
least caress my hardness.  She did not.  I was the one making all of the
moves.  Eventually I moved to the buttons on her jeans and asked if it was
okay.  She reluctantly said yes and I began to unbutton her pants.  I had
wanted to have sex with her for months and I was hoping to finally make
love to her.

   She was more beautiful in the light of the moon than I had imagined. 
Her thighs were curvy and her stomach was firm.  Her silk panties nicely
covered her furry mound which left an indention across her V in the
moonlight.  I took a few minutes just to admire my lady stretched out
across the backseat almost completely nude and all mine.  It was the moment
I had been waiting for all of my life.

   I wanted her and I hoped she wanted me.  She was a nervous wreck and I
was going real slow hoping she would let me go all the way.  Returning my
attention to her panties, I gently ran my fingers down her legs on the
outside hips and then returned with my hands on her inner thighs.  I did
this a number of times to gauge her reaction.  I did not want to lose her
and I wanted to make sure it was okay.  We were both virgins and I was
nervous as hell.

   Her legs were not spread so I had to gently glide my fingers across her
mound just to the bottom of her V where her legs were closed.  I would run
my fingers in wide arcs from her stomach, along her thigh, and then across
her V protected by her panties and closed legs where I would slow down and
let a finger drift between her legs as if to beg her to spread her legs. 
She teased me by not opening them yet.  I let my fingers glide across her
mound feeling the hairs of her pussy through her panties savoring the
moment, the new sight, the feel of ecstasy as I explored new ground.  As my
fingers ran the gamut of silk, I felt new sensations all over my body as I
desired her all the more.  I smelled the new aroma of her.

   After teasing me till I thought I was going to explode in my jeans, she
finally spread her legs and my fingers moved down and began to rub her
through her panties.  She was soaking wet.  She began to moan a little and
I was feeling consumed by her.  My fingers found the slight indention to
her pussy and I rubbed a bit more enjoying this new territory I had never
explored before.

   I adjusted my self, spread her legs, and placed my face between her legs
for a better view as I was getting bolder.  I ran my tongue down the top of
her panties into the forest of covered hair.  I wanted her bad.  My tongue
went the full length of her panties between her legs so that her hairs were
quite obvious through her wetness and the added wetness of my tongue.  I
could have moved her panties aside and fucked her right then if she would
have let me.

   I began to gently pull her panties down, watching her eyes for
permission, as my tongue danced down her exposed hairs to her clit.  I took
forever doing this, not wanting to ruin the moment.  I eventually found my
way to her clit and began to caress it with my tongue.  She was very
excited and she began to play with my hair and pull my face closer.  I
wanted her very badly.  I let my tongue run up and down her clit while she
moaned in pleasure.  Holding her hips, I let my tongue slip in her and move
around in gentle but rapid motions.  Her pleasure was my goal.  Eventually
her hips began to girate as I moved faster with complete animal lust for
her.  Even today, 25 years later, I remember these moments as if they were
today and I long for her.

   After more loving her with my tongue and gently caressing her with my
fingers (though not inside her), her hips went wild, her moaning increased,
and she was on the verge of screaming as she had an orgasm.  I brought her
to climax 2-3 more times before the night was done.

   We held each other for a long time, we promised we would be together
forever, but all I could get on this occasion was a caress of my cock
through my jeans.  I think she was scared and she did not want to give up
her virginity yet.  The sex would have to wait.

   To make matters worse, we ran the car battery down by leaving the radio
on into the late of the night and had to get a boost the next morning.  It
was a borrowed car and the owner, a freshman living in her dorm, was a bit
mad about us being so late.  We were never able to borrow that car again.

   Of course I was more in love than ever before.  I thought I had found my
bride.  And I had the bluest balls ever.

   Returning to my dorm all I could think about was her.  I wanted to make
love to her so bad.  I thought we would live happily ever after making love
every day.  I had it all planned out.

   On campus we were the hottest couple in the freshmen class.  We took
classes together, were hand-in-hand everywhere we went, and everyone
thought we would be a married couple some day.

   It took another month before we could get another car.  This time we
found ourselves parking late at night on a jr high school parking lot
somewhere.  Again it was hours of kissing before I finally got her clothes
off.  I kissed her and caressed her.  Held her.  Told her how much I loved
her.  Nibbled on her until she had one orgasm after another.  I wanted to
make love to her.

   She caressed my cock.  Eyeballed it a long time.  Had me promise we
would be married someday.  And finally she allowed me to make love to her.

   I leaned her on her back, spread her legs as much as I could with the
front seat in the way (we were in the backseat), and began kissing. 
Whispering my love to her I slid down her neck and kissed her chest, taking
time to massage and suck on each breast and nipple.  Running my tongue down
her stomach and into her forest of furr I was so sexually aroused I could
hardly contain myself.  My mouth reached her pussy and I began to nibble
and run my tongue up and down her clit.  I wanted to arouse her to orgasm
just before making love to her.  I did not want to hurt her.  As she began
to moan and her hips began to girate I lifted her hips up to slide my cock
in.

   At first it did not want to go.  She was a virgin and she was very
tight. After a few tries I got it in, she said it only hurt for a second,
and then I began to gently slide in and out of her.  We were in love and
there was no going back.  It felt perfect.  I grabbed her ass with my hands
and lifted her as I went.  She moaned and I moaned.  It only took a minute
and I was ready to cum.  I withdrew and shot my load all over her stomach,
not wanting to get her pregnant.  I did not use a condom with her ever. 
Afterward we just held each other and promised the world to each other.

   For the next two years we made love whenever we could.  We grew closer
to each other.  A few times I thought I had gotten her pregnant and it
scared the life out of us.  We always planned on getting married when we
graduated.  I never really contemplated life without her.

   Somewhere between our sophomore and junior years we drifted apart during
a summer absence.  Upon returning to school she had a fling with a guy
where she worked and I never got over it.  It took me five times, but I
finally broke up with her for good.  I rebounded and married another woman
my senior year in college.  Though I never forgot Autumn.

   Memory is a cruel thing.  And as the years spinned, I never forgot
Autumn or those times in college when she made me feel fully alive.  I
never forgot how close we were and how we could finish each other's
thought. I missed my best friend.  I would find myself thinking about her
here and again.  Sometimes late at night on the driveway of my house a tear
would roll down my face as I thought of her and those college days long
ago. What might have been?  What happened to her?  Where did we go wrong?

   Two children later and ten years of marriage, I created a website with
pics of myself and events in my life.  If I created a website, would she
search for me by name and email me?  It was my only hope.  I wanted to at
least hear from her again.  I had no idea what had happened to this girl.
Did she move back north after college?  Who did she marry?  Was she happy?
Did she ever think of me like I thought of her?

   Five years after I posted the website, Autumn sent me an email:

   ...For many years I was angry with you for the way our relationship
ended.  I made many poor choices in response to my feelings after the
break-up.It's taken me a good deal of time to be able to write this.  I
don't know if this will mean anything to you or not, but I have forgiven
you and myself.  I've done it for me, not for you, but if you receive
comfort from it as well that's an extra blessing.  My husband says that he
for one is glad for the way it all turned out.If you still want me to, I'll
certainly keep in touch in the future...

   It shattered my world and sent me spiraling into a land of depression.
Having moved from thinking of her once a week, I was right back to thinking
about her 24/7.  She and I had married someone else and it was not to be. I
had made a different choice and now my life had a completely different
direction.  There was no going back and my mind could not reconcile it.

   To make a long story short, within a few months we had decided to test
the waters and meet each other again for the first time in a restaurant
near her home.  She lived a few hours from me.

   She came in looking very different from how I had remembered her.  And I
am sure I was the same way.  We had both added age and some weight to our
figures, but talking to her I missed her.  It seemed as though we picked up
where we had left off.  The years had moved on, but we were still hot for
each other.

   Moving to my truck in the parking lot, we climbed in the cab together.
Time was short.  So I just cried and told her I had missed her for all
those years and wished I had married her instead.  We held each other and I
found her kissing me and I her.  We began to kiss more and in that brief
moment time stood still...  And suddenly the time was gone.  I was in shock
to have just kissed her and going home I wanted her.  A renewed passion,
but forbidden.

   It was off to instant messenger and hotmail every chance we got as we
opened ourselves up to each other online while trying to keep our spouses
in the dark.  Where it might lead scared me to death.  I found myself still
in love with Autumn, but having feelings for a spouse of 15 years.  I loved
my kids and never wanted to be separated from them.  It was too
complicated.

   We met again ever so briefly.  Steaming up the windows in a parking lot
in February.  Longing for her.  My hands caressing her breasts (now much
larger than before thanks to her having two children) through her shirt and
her hand caressing my cock through my pants.  I wanted her, but she would
not agree to sex unless we were both separated.  Something I was not ready
to do.  I was pulled between two women, a job I would lose, and my
children. All the things that happen in reality to mess with you.  I had to
make a choice and I did not want to make a choice.  The woman I dreamed of
for 17 years since our breakup or my wife and kids.  It was too hard and I
was torn.  It created an emotional upheavel in me and left me on verge of a
nervous breakdown.

   After six weeks of flirting online and meeting for a few brief kissing
and caressing sessions, I finally decided I had better stay with my family.
I called Autumn and told her we had to stop, but I would like to see her
one last time.

   I met her in a park and we held each other, cried, kissed, cried, and
tried to let the reality of both of us giving each other up in the midst of
our short lives sink in.  It seemed we had not seen each other in 17 years
and now we were giving up contact for life.  It was very hard and I finally
suggested that we go make love one time since we would not ever see each
other again.  Not the smartest thing I could do for myself or her
emotionally, but we wanted each other.

   We went to a hotel and rode the elevator up.  I grinned at her and she
at me.  She looked more gorgeous to me than ever in her jeans and blouse.
Sure she was a little heavier and so was I.  But she had the curves of the
woman she was.  Curves she lacked when we were still kids in college.  Her
hips knocked me out.  And, most of all, I was in love and felt at peace
making myself vulnerable to this woman I loved.  I could not wait to make
love to her.  With so many years gone, it seemed as if it were the first
time for both of us.  Almost like being virgins again.

   Closing the hotel door behind us we embraced and kissed passionately.  I
wasted no time groping her breasts and my hands squeezing her ass.  My
hands quickly disappeared under her shirt and beneath her bra to release
them and cup them with passion.  Her hands began to caress my cock through
my jeans.  It was rock hard.  She rapidly reached for my zipper.  Down the
pants went as her hands slid into my shorts.  She missed me as much as I
missed her.  Her shirt and bra had to go.

   With my pants gone, my mouth went down her chest sucking on her breasts,
but quickly I moved to her jeans which I rapidly unzipped and pulled down.
Her muff was before my eyes.  My mouth encompassed her V as my tongue went
between her legs on the outside of her Calvin Klein cotton panties.  The
panties flew as I pulled them down and laid her on her back across the bed.


   She spread her legs as I buried my face between her legs.  Her clit was
swollen and much bigger than I remembered it.  Her pussy was much more
gorgeous than my memory.  I wanted to taste her.  To feel her.  To be in
her.  I nibbled and sucked.  I darted my tongue in her and pulled every
technique I knew to give her the most sensual feelings possible.  Eating
her out was pure pleasure for me.  I was in love and this was going to be a
one time thing for the last time.  I spent ten minutes loving her this way
while she had one violent orgasm after another.

   Spreading her legs, I placed my body between her legs and kissed her
mouth.  I asked if she was sure.  In answer, she took my rock hard cock and
directed it into her pussy.  With a gentle pusy it slid right in with a
perfect feeling.  All of my dreams had come true.  Though the years had
separated us, it felt better now than ever in my mind.  I made love to her
for thirty minutes.  Me on top, her on top, on our sides.  Sitting up
leaning against the bed frame.  All over the place.  With passion, intense
hugs, ecstacy, and love.

   She was 35 and I was 36.  But our passion had no limit.  I watched her
boobs bounce to our rhythm.  Her ass going up and down as her pussy made
love to me.  There was no condom in the way.  She had had her tubes tied
and there was no way I wanted anything between us.  I watched her beautiful
pussy envelope my cock again and again.  In and out.  Her long hair going
wild.  Why did I not marry her.  Sex was never like this with my wife.

   I rolled her over and we even did it doggy style for a while.  She had
the perfect ass and I loved reaching around and grasping her boobs.  Her
back was perfect and her hair rode it well.  It felt great on my cock, but
I wanted to see her beautiful face.

   Rolling her over, I breathed in her beauty and savored the moment
knowing it was brief and would soon be gone.  Trying to compact a lifetime
of loving her into a hour of making love was impossible, but I we were
trying.  When finally I came, and we held each other briefly, it was time
to say our goodbyes.  I drove my car near hers as far as we both could go,
before turning in separate directions.  It was goodbye.