Celestial Reviews 358 - March 5, 2000 {Corrected Version}
Excuse me: I fucked up. Fucking up is something my husband usually does -
especially when we make love in the cowgirl position. However, this time I
fucked up by reversing the order of Athena and Venus in my ratings in the
original posting of CR 358. Under the na ve impression that anyone really
cares, I am reposting the entire issue with the ratings in the right order.
{In the incorrect version, the ORDER of the numbers was correct, but the
order of the LABLES "Venus" and "Athena" were reversed.}
If you don't care about this error or its correction, consider the
possibility of revising a childhood joke. Q. What happens when a duck flies
upside down? A. It quacks up. Revised A: It fucks up.
The revised joke is slightly inaccurate, but it will draw some interested
reactions when you tell it to your kindergarten teacher. In addition, the
original joke is almost equally inaccurate, because no ducks ever fly upside
down - except maybe in Australia, if you regard them from the Northern
Hemisphere, or vice versa. And if they did fly upside down, the inverted
esophagus would interfere with quacking up.
Note: A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all worked in the same office with
the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One
day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind
her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and
went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before
meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to be home; but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a
muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was
mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she
closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned
leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them. "NO WAY," she
exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"
Second note: A college professor in an art class asked his students to sketch
a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches,
he noticed that one of the young ladies had sketched the man with an erection.
The professor said, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way."
She replied, "What other way???"
Third note: There has been some discussion in a.s.s.d. about how to keep me
from reviewing a story. Probably a simple note that says, "Do not review"
would suffice. I personally contend that anyone has a right to review
anything that is posted in a public forum; but I have no mad urge to impose
myself on people who don't want their stories reviewed.
Another way to get me to skip your story would be to label it something like
{38DD} or {Mf interratial}. I have discovered that most stories are really
bad when the author lists the exact breast size of the female protagonist
before the end of the first paragraph or when the author is pretending to
write about complex social issues that he cannot spell.
Fourth note: I know I have presented my Celestial List of Credulous
Assumptions recently, but one of the stories reviewed below relies heavily on
these platitudes; so I thought I had better review them here:
1. It is usually possible for a woman to estimate the size of a man's fully
engorged cock by gazing at his crotch when he is unaroused and fully dressed
and over ten yards/meters away.
2. Without the use of scientific instruments men can easily estimate the
size of women's breasts from across the room, even if the woman is fully
dressed. {Actually, this is no big deal, since nearly all attractive women
have 38DD bust sizes anyway.}
3. The normal sequence of sexual experiences is first petting, then oral
sex, then anal sex, then vaginal sex - usually all on the same date.
4. The first boy to touch a girl's breasts will come in each of her three
orifices within the next hour.
5. Most women would intensely enjoy sexual contact with another woman, but
most men would not enjoy sexual contact with another man, even if cultural
biases were eliminated.
6. Children who have sex with their parents normally enjoy this activity and
grow up to be emotionally mature honor roll students who will contribute to
scientific research and to world peace.
7. Ditto for sex with older siblings, kindly neighbors, and random strangers.
8. When sons, daughters, little brothers, or little sisters ask questions
about sex, the best way to answer their questions is to show them, using
their bodies as part of the demonstration.
9. When a spouse or lover catches his/her partner having sex with someone
else, the typical response is to join in.
10. Women typically have multiple orgasms during every fulfilling sexual
encounter.
11. Middle-aged men can typically have sex with copious ejaculations several
times a day for several days in a row.
10 & 11a. Women and men that can do so are happier and better sex partners
than those who have fewer orgasms.
12. Kids can go blind if they masturbate too often. {Ooops. That one
belongs on a different newsgroup!}
13. Kids who do not masturbate at least daily are severely disturbed.
14. It is important to pop a person's cherry before she gets out of high
school {or gets into high school, has her first date, gets married, buys her
first car, etc.}
15. Women typically enjoy getting raped, once they get over their
inhibitions.
16. Men who force women to have sex with them are sexy.
17. People can be turned into sex slaves by college kids who read a chapter
in a psych book. {Either that or some of these stories are written by Psych
profs who are really desperate to motivate their students to read a chapter
in their textbook.}
18. If you ever get turned into a sex slave, it will be the best thing that
ever happened to you.
19. The typical male ejaculation shoots at least 12 inches through the air
{unless the penis is inserted into a receptacle which will terminate this
expulsion. In this case the ejaculate lands with the impact of a speeding
bullet.}
20. Most women ejaculate at least a pint of luscious fluid during a really
enjoyable sexual experience.
21. Most people get turned on when their partner treats them with extreme
cruelty for the partner's own personal gratification.
22. Most black men have "monster cocks." These 12- to 14-inch penises will
thrill any pussy (or other aperture) lucky enough to receive one. Black
women, however, do not have "monster cunts," nor do they appear to be all
that interested in the genitalia of their black brethren. Hence the
reciprocal fondness between black men and white women, especially those known
as sluts.
23. The family that fucks together stays together.
24. It's more fun to have sexual intercourse when there's a genuine risk of
pregnancy. Offspring resulting from unprotected intercourse of minors tend
to be sexy honor students by the time they reach middle school.
25. Nuns {and English teachers, librarians, etc.} are really sexual dynamos.
26. Ain't nothing wrong with most frigid women that a riding crop won't cure.
27. Guys who go without underpants and have sex several times a day do not
develop a nasty rash.
28. Male doctors get their rocks off during physical examinations of female
patients. Female doctors have multiple orgasms whenever they examine a
beautiful person of either sex.
29. A girl will get her first orgasm from her first intercourse, usually
within minutes or even seconds after having her hymen torn.
30. Most young girls are looking for experienced men to train them in sexual
practices. They want to start but they don't know anything about it. When
they find these instructors, they will say things like, "Yes, eat my pussy
now!" {Which is a strange request from somebody that doesn't know anything
about sexual practices.}
31. Most women who find that their husbands want to loan them out to their
friends respond, "Sounds like fun."
32. Most boys who are forced to act the part of a girl find that they love
the role. Unless this happens for the first time in a penal institution
other than school.
33. Parents routinely leave their bedroom doors ajar when they intend to
have sex, and kids do so when they intend to masturbate, which they do
noisily above the bed sheets.
34. Nobody ever farts while making love. Especially not during anal
intercourse. And even if they do, it's never one of those rancid ones that
linger on and on. And even if it is, the partner thinks it's sexy.
35. No one ever gets a cramp while making love. For that matter, no one ever
sneezes or has a nose so filled with snot that it's impossible to breathe,
much less give a blowjob.
36. The woman's vagina never makes that 'farting' noise due to trapped air in
there. If she does, this causes immediate orgasm in both partners.
37. Nobody ever forgets to wipe his/her ass prior to having it licked, which
is unfortunate, because most people absolutely love the taste of human feces.
38. The woman never says "Ouch! I wasn't ready! I'm too dry!" If she thinks
she wants to say these things, she instead says, "Fuck me harder!"
39. Men don't turn over and go to sleep immediately after sex.
40. Women don't fall asleep at the beginning of sex, when they feel so
comfortable and relaxed, and they can just let themselves go.... If they do
fall asleep, their partner regards this as a compliment.
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Tommy Allen and the Intergalactic Cavern of Doom" by Mark Aster (fantasies)
10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=588950799
"Mother in the Kitchen" by DarkBrows (motherfucking) 9, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=587954946
"A Bit of Consolation" by DrSpin (seduction) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=586805149
"Afterglow" by Neneh99 (romantic masturbation) 10, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=590232058
"Crossing The Lake" by Cagey (wilderness sex) 9, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=579346668
"Canyon Ladies: Her Secret Lust" by Tyrone Lamayer (fantasy phone sex) 6, 6, 6
"First Time In The Behind" by Ron Taylor (anal sex) 10, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=591035648
"One Night" by Tonytony3 (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=578352050
"Free for All Farmgirl" by Frank Brown (meaningless sex) 10, 7, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=591418890
"Prone Is Not Synonymous..." by Uther Pendragon (sexual innuendo) 10, 8, 8
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Anne's Revenge" by Tiramisu (romantic bdsm). Myers: No rating.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=587659589
"Virtually Lovers" by Krystoff Vagabond (virtual romance).Admiral Cartwright:
9, 10, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=541720422
"Marriage Revival" by Spiller (romantic rape fantasy) 9, 9, 9,
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=59134591
"Something to Tell" Dr Spin (true confession). Myers: No rating.
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Tommy Allen and the Intergalactic Cavern of Doom" by Mark Aster
(MyFrThAl@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=589215459
There's no way that I am going to try to summarize this story for you. You'd
laugh at me. You can threaten me with torture from the Splurgs and douse me
with Super Pheromones, but you'll never pry the secrets of the Cavern from me.
This story is pure fantasy. I would have said non-sexual, childish fantasy,
except that the Great Hive Mother is wearing tight leather and shining steel
armor with spike heels on her black boots that accentuate the dangerous
beauty of her flashing eyes.
The closest we get to explicit sex is when the Rightful High King of the Hive
discusses fulfilling the Prophecy by returning the Royal Sceptre to the
Cavern of Doom - not the outer and visible cavern, the inner and secret one.
I enjoyed this story very much. However, I'm not sure that readers will even
recognize this as a sex story unless they have already read several of the
other 79 stories in the Allen Sisters saga. That's not really a harsh form of
preparation for your Magical Mystical Journey.
Ratings for "Tommy Allen and the Intergalactic Cavern of Doom"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A One Night Stand" tonytony3 (tonytony3@juno.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=588950799
The man and his wife are cuddled up together for an evening of romance, and
he asks her to retell the story of her one night stand with a man she met in
a hotel lounge shortly after she had undergone a painful divorce. She
complies with his request, and the retelling turns them both on.
The story is embedded in an easy dialogue between the two lovers in bed. It's
a very nice approach to a very nice story - with a nice twist at the end.
Ratings for "A One Night Stand"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Mother in the Kitchen" by DarkBrows (keetarp@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=587954946
This is a story about a 21-year-old man who enjoys fucking his mother. The
pleasure is mutual. In the present instance, they copulate (as the title
suggests) in the kitchen.
In the disclaimer the author states that English is not his first language,
but the mistakes are minor and not obtrusive.
The story's language alone makes the activities sexy. But we're supposed to
get an extra charge from the notion that it's Mom the young man is fucking.
Somehow, that didn't really turn me on. I mean, if a guy were King of Thebes
or something like that and then discovered that he had accidentally killed
his father and that the lady he had been blissfully humping was really his
mother - I say, "Go for it!" Even if Freud names a complex after you. And the
fact that this lady really is Oedipus's mother really does add an element of
excitement to the story. But in this case, we're supposed to get extra
excited because it's Mom he's fucking. Heck, mom is the only person this guy
ever seems to fuck. I'd tell the kid to cut the apron strings, except she's
not wearing any strings - apron, G, or other. The main effect is that the
mother gets to use some double entendres - like calling him a bastard, a
motherfucker, and such.
This story will appeal mostly to people who picture themselves as sexy
motherfuckers - and possibly to the mothers of motherfuckers.
Ratings for "Mother in the Kitchen"
Athena (plot & character): 9
Venus (technical quality): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"A Bit of Consolation" by DrSpin (drspin@newsguy.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=586805149
Melanie has broken up with our narrator's son. She stops by to pick up some
things; and, well, the only way not to kiss her would have been to stop
supporting her body, drop her on the floor, run out the back door of the
house, climb on the roof, and wait there till dark.
So they fuck three times that day, and then she's on her way to bigger and
better times.
When his wife asked how things went, our hero tells here that Melanie just
needed a bit of consolation. Indeed. And he got the consolation prize.
This one was real short, but real sexy.
Ratings for "A Bit of Consolation"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Afterglow" by Neneh99 (neneh99@yahoo.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=590232058
What we have here is a little masturbation with a romantic touch. If I told
you what that touch was, I'd ruin the story for you. The non-10 ratings don't
mean there's anything wrong with this story - it's just not really a complete
story.
I enjoyed this one a lot.
Ratings for "Afterglow"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Crossing the Lake" by Cagey (kenggjones@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=579346668
While he's walking the five miles or so across a frozen lake in the middle of
winter, the man relives in his mind's eye the first time he met Janey in the
deep woods of Canada. I assume it's Canada, because of the angle of the sun
and the presence of loons - that plus the reference to "Indian winter" and
the word "centre." We word sleuths think we are pretty smart!
Anyway, the man nearly freezes his pecker off while he gets himself marooned
overnight in the snow storm in the middle of the frozen lake. But his
thoughts are warm. I don't want to ruin the story for you by telling you
more details.
This is a good story - a lot warmer than you might think from the impression
I gave in my summary above.
Ratings for "Crossing the Lake"
Athena (plot & character): 9
Venus (technical quality): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Canyon Ladies: Her Secret Lust" by Tyrone Lamayer (tyronelamayer@freeuk.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=589497303
I'm not certain what the title of this story is. The label in a.s.s.m. was
"Canyon Ladies," but written at the top of the story was "Her Secret Lust."
In addition, the name J Mitchell appeared with brackets in the title line,
but the author appears to be Tyrone Lamayer. But there was an unmistakable
<*> in the title line, and so I decided to take the leap and to review this
story.
My first advice to the author is to get some paragraphs. This story is
written as one long paragraph. Maybe there was a purpose in doing this, but I
sure don't know what it was.
Anyway, this guy - perhaps Tyrone or J - is riding the bus home from work,
and he decides to fantasize about some of the other people on the bus.
Specifically, he zeroes in on a demure young lady, who (unknown to herself)
has a fascination for the delivery boy down at the office. But the delivery
boy has hurt his back and has been forced to work the desk, and so the lady
about whom the guy is fantasizing calls him up and has phone sex with him.
I still don't know the significance of the title "Canyon Ladies." However, I
do understand the "Secret Lust." The author has a good idea, but it needs a
lot of cleaning up to qualify as a good story. In addition, the basic premise
- a guy having a fantasy about a girl having a fantasy about having had phone
sex - is a bit of a stretch. I'd suggest a simpler plot with more direct
action.
Ratings for "Her Secret Lust"
Athena (plot & character): 6
Venus (technical quality): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"First Time In The Behind" by Ron Taylor (posted by TheEditor).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=591035648
Nicole has just received from a detective conclusive proof that her husband
has been cheating on her. So she fucks the detective three times in three
ways in rapid succession. Then she decides that the best way to get even with
her husband is by becoming a superslut behind his back. So she engages in
cheap and tawdry sex with numerous men.
There's a lot of anal action in this story. I truly enjoy the occasional cock
up my ass, and I have fantasies about a cock in my cunt while another is in
my ass. In fact I have already brought my husband to orgasm by massaging his
dick with a vibrator inserted deeply enough into my cunt to stimulate him
through the interior membrane that separates my inner chambers. But licking
an unwashed ass is just not a turn-on to me. I mean, shit just doesn't taste
good. Hence, when somebody tells me that something tastes like shit, I don't
say, "Yummy!" Also, the rapid transfer from one orifice to another is
unhygienic. But hygiene aside, it's pretty sexy stuff!
Nicole has scruples. After about her fifteenth orgasm of the day, she puts
83% of her day's profits into the poorbox of a nearby church that happens to
be open for midnight mass. Then she heads to a warehouse for a quick orgy
before going back home to hump the detective a few more times.
This is what is called a stroke story. That is, the plot is just a thin
excuse for sexual gymnastics. Imagine that.
Ratings for "First Time In The Behind"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"One Night" by Tonytony3 (tonytony3@juno.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=578352050
Andy is taking an evening first aid course, where he meets a woman named
Rachel. Rachel is homely, except when she smiles. Then she becomes beautiful.
She smiles at him, and by the third class they are together in a room at the
Holiday Inn. The sex is simple but passionate. Like Andy, Rachel is married
to someone else, and so this must be a one-night fling.
The story is straightforward, but I have to refrain from telling you any
more. There are some twists that make it quite interesting.
Ratings for "One Night"
Athena (plot & character): 9
Venus (technical quality): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Free for All Farmgirl" by Frank Brown (posted by TheEditor).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=591418890
As the story begins, Debby has for the first time in her life skipped church
services on Sunday morning. The teenager is sexually inexperienced - except
for the times when she has ridden naked on the same stallion behind her
nubile and nasty playmate Roxanne - one behind the other with their arms
around each other, their legs spread around the stallion's flanks, their
pussies getting off from the bouncing. And, of course, the times that Roxanne
has licked her to orgasm. But such is the life of naughty and naked nymphets
who live on the farm with repressive parents who are probably incapable of
copulation.
So first Debby jerks off while having phone sex with Roxanne. Then Mike the
biker with a ten-incher between his legs arrives for a glass of water, and
Debby gives him a tour of the farm, starting with the hayloft. Indeed, Debby
does the biker faster than Debbie did Dallas in the movie.
So it turns out that this is a stoke story. Stroke stories are easy to
recognize, because the plot is about as sophisticated as Pamela Anderson's
"V.I.P." series, and the people fuck in at least two orifices in each
chapter while they cuss at each other - or at one another. Also, "Fuck meee!"
is likely to have those extra letters, which seem to bring both participants
and viewers to the veritable verge of orgasmic bliss. In addition, my
Celestial Assumptions are usually basic ingredients of the plot.
Mike says to Debby, "Jesus, your asshole's like a nest of hot worms inside.
I could get off just holding my cock still inside you." I hadn't given it
much thought. Would most guys cum in a raging orgasm if they found their dick
encased in a nest of hot worms? I'll bet a brood of vipers would be even
hotter. "Brood of vipers" is a biblical term. I know, because when I was
Debby's age, I used to go to church instead of staying at home, masturbating
on the telephone and fucking bikers. There's a lot less mess from pussycream
dribbling out of my pussy in hot little gushes in church than in the hayloft
or rock quarry. And besides, when you play the furry fiddle in church, your
screams of ecstasy are likely to be shielded by the strains of Amazing Grace
- unless Amazing Grace is already finished straining.
Needless to say, Mike really gets off on a girl's bare toes. "Hot farmgirl
toes!" as he puts it.
Meanwhile, Mike is married to a woman who he claims is his sister. Actually,
that part may be true. He doesn't know how he can keep on meeting Debby; so
he joins the church choir. No, that would be silly, wouldn't it? What
actually happens is that Debby goes off into the woods to watch some younger
boys masturbate, but a dog scares her out of the bushes. The boys lack the
savoir faire to which she had grown accustomed in Mike, but she fucks them
both anyway - and the dog too. No, I'm getting carried away again. Sexy
stories make me dyslexic. I thought Debby was shouting, "Oh, dog!" before she
came. I shoulda known better. Debby is in sexual heaven (with god, not a
dog). They all wail away; and there's churning and bobbing and pinching and
tweaking and mewling and ramming and reaming and pistoning and spasming and
writhing and going over the brink and erupting and cussing like teamsters
surrounded by a can of hot worms and even some fairly intense stimulation.
But no mayonnaise on anyone's genitals. And all the while, I was listening to
Celine Dion on my CD Audio Player.
I made up the part about mewling in the previous paragraph. For some reason
the author omitted the mewling. Perhaps mewling would have ruined the
verisimilitude. As Debby said before she whined deliriously: "It feels so
good!" Or as the boys put it: "This is like fucking a tub of warm butter!" Or
a pig in a poke. Or the minister's off ass.
"Something thick and meaty kept swelling against her finger in Rusty's
asshole." Well, if it's alive, salute it, Debby! Otherwise, wipe with toilet
paper when you're finished.
Then they drink beer and jerk off.
All this happens before the end of chapter 7. We still have five chapters to
go, and Debby has not yet had sex with her mother or father, with Mike's wife
or sister, with Roxanne or the stallion, with guys who moan in ecstasy while
they stick their cocks through holes in bathroom walls and tenement halls,
with the minister, with itinerant truckers, or with the pigs in the poke with
hot worms up their assholes. I don't want to tell you too much. It might ruin
the suspense for you.
I guess if there's no such thing as a surfeit of meaningless sex, this is
about as good as some other stories. The punctuation sure is nice - probably
because I think TheEditor gets some of his stories from commercial sources.
Is there no honor among pornographers? However, by the end of the story I
couldn't help feeling that maybe it would have been better if Debby would
have just gone to church like other farmgirls.
Ratings for "Free for All Farmgirl"
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Prone Is Not Synonymous..." by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).
This is a humorous anecdote. It is also a vocabulary lesson of sorts. Uther
is a really great person, and he'll be upset if I ruin the story. What you
really should do is go an read it.
Ratings for "Prone Is Not Synonymous..."
Athena (plot & character): 10
Venus (technical quality): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Anne's Revenge" by Tiramisu (Tiramixu@yahoo.com). Guest review by Dave Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=587659589
This is a relatively easygoing domination story that will probably have at
least a little 'crossover' appeal to people that might more typically read MF
rom stories and avoid stuff like this. Written in a very upbeat mood that
belies the underpinnings of submission itself, it describes a woman who is a
naive being coached by a man and another woman.
The story is a bit misnamed, given that there really isn't any revenge of the
'traditional' D/S sense. Instead, it's pretty much a well-described, highly
sensual MFF interlude. The build-up to that point is pretty unusual. The
author has taken the tack of writing four separate sections that have
incredibly different tones and sentiments toward the tryst. In one, Anne is
introspective of where her experiences are leading her. In one section, there
is a talky exchange with the 'other woman' ahead of the main event, sort of
delineating what is going to happen. The threesome itself is very well done--
better than most-- though doesn't really make much of an effort to highlight
or bring out submissive behavior. It's there sometimes, but sort of
halfheartedly.
This story is hard to categorize for that reason. I think it will succeed for
many readers, and may do so for some that might imagine that a story with
this title would not be their cup of tea. There are still a few things that
could have made it more powerful. The format of sectionizing the text in
order to have radically different text styles in each segment makes for a
nice literary trick. Unfortunately, the quality of the sections is pretty
inconsistent. Some of it works a lot better than the rest (notably- the last
section is the best, the dialogue section is overdone).
In addition, the relationship between Anne and the male lead is sort of up in
the air. Though there is a little introspection into what the future of this
relationship holds, and what the characters' motivations are, a lot is left
unsaid. It almost screams out to be beefed up in this regard, given that the
underlying template for the story is essentially 'MF rom', with just a bit of
femdom content.
Bottom line- It's better than that Rosie O'Donnell/Dana Delany movie from a
few years back (something about Eden in the title- exact name escapes me)...
that was *supposed* to be some kind of cheeky way to show that fetish stuff
was mainstream after all. In the end, that movie was campy in a corny way.
This text, on the other hand, achieves a sort of normalcy in the characters'
attitudes and self-actualization that is actually pretty rare. There is still
room for this piece and this series to grow.
"Virtually Lovers" by Krystoff Vagabond (kvagabond@mailcity.com). Guest
review by Admiral Cartwright.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=541720422
Best friends through college, now roommates, Jarod and Charlie (yes, one s
female) have been through it all together. They've been there for each other,
cried in each other's arms, lamented the love gone wrong and the love
unrequited.
Each reaches the same revelation in a markedly different manner from the
other; either they'll take things to the next level, or forever lose that
which they have now.
My most recent prior review was of a story which also left the reader
hanging; but, on two *names*, not two *people*. Here, Krystoff has created
two characters for which the author clearly could care: two humans with
souls. If indeed there is no intent to resolve the situation- a possibility,
given the ending - then the author has fooled me. Otherwise, I look forward
to the next chapter in what very well could be two *lives* set somewhere in
the not-too-distant hereafter.
The story s only fault is its technical quality; Krystoff dearly could have
used the services of a proofreader, and not for spelling alone: to
distinguish a computer's otherwise feminine voice as soft, yet cold, is to
mix one's analogies.
But, never you mind the technical rating; if the title or subject matter
appeal to you, read this story.
Ratings for "Virtually Lovers"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot and character): 10
Admiral (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Marriage Revival" by Spiller (spiller@my-deja.com). Guest Review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=59134591
Spiller's story Marriage Revival is a bipartite offering - a woman's account
of a failing marriage that was rekindled by fantasy play and how it all came
about. I'll speak first to the last, and by my lights, the least exciting
part of the tale. They have a deal; each will play with the other's sexual
fantasy, no holds barred.
Her fantasy is a common one - to be taken by force, raped if you will. Like
many rape fantasies, it's not the danger she seeks but the submission. She
writes, "The feeling of being totally at his mercy was ecstatic - but I'm
sure it was only because I felt safe in the back of my mind. Had it been a
real rape I'd have hated every second of it."
The enactment of this fantasy occupies only the last 15% or so of the story
and wasn't nearly as arousing as that part of the story where the deal was
initially established. Actually, as a story, it might well have been tighter
had it been confined to the opening scene. The couple, attending a party,
were bored and suffering terminal ennui, both susceptible to anything that'd
pull them from their sexual lethargy.
The story opens with her thought, "I woke up one late evening at a party by
some friends, and found that I was so close [sic] yo fucking another guy."
She resists and then notices her husband "...was dancing quite a lot too
close to a not even very pretty girl." They decide to leave the party and go
home, the long way around the lake. She begins her confession and admits the
she's, "Just tired of myself - ... and of us, I guess."
She owns to her husband her little tryst that evening, of the excitement and
the sexual arousal. "And my panties are still wet. Made wet by another guy's
fingers." The telling of the little story excites them both. Parking, he
reciprocates, telling her of his little peccadillo with a broad-assed blonde.
It is in this process that the front portion of the story becomes juicy and
exciting. There emotions and feelings are explicitly bared in a very
effective and inflaming manner. It's worth a read just for the 'background.'
The recount of the rape fantasy isn't nearly as exciting.
Ratings for "Marriage Revival"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9 (The opening portion)
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9 (The first half of the bipartite)
"Something to Tell" Dr Spin (Spin_member@newsguy.com). Guest review by Dave
Myers.
http://x42.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=562976106&CONTEXT=952363956.1285161011&hitnum
=1
The author refers to this as a "dialogue" story. Good way of putting it, as
the story is entirely a two-person dialogue recounting past events. The story
tries to avoid over-intellectualizing the characters, and manages to have a
lot of fun with this format. The woman in the story retells her tale of her
cheating ways, while her man sits in awe.
Once the story is retold to the unwitting husband, a hard look at trust
between the pair begins. There is not real "ending" per se, but we get the
feeling that the couple has hashed things out as far as it's going to go in
the near term. The hubbie is a little crushed by the events that took place,
but he isn't in a fit of rage. He's also not salivating over the prospect of
sharing his wife. Neither is he turned inward in guilt or betrayal trying to
figure out 'what went wrong.' It's a strange place for him to be, and a bit
of a passive reaction overall. It may not be wholly realistic, but there's a
certain consistency throughout that can be admired.
It's a hard story to review because all the positives are intangibles woven
into the writing. Good, convincing dialogue is tough to write and harder to
teach or describe to someone else without outright imitation. It makes it
hard for me to review without just saying: go read it!
The premise seems all too simple, I know. But somehow this one pulls it out
nicely. It's one of the best stories I've read so far this year. The author
might have gone in many other directions with this piece, giving the husband
a stronger brand of emotions, using more traditional jealousy, or
wife-sharing salivation as his tools. In any case, I doubt the piece would
have worked very well if taken to extremes in those directions.
<end>
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