From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 354 February 6
Date: 06 Feb 2000 00:00:00 GMT
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Celestial Reviews 354 February 6, 2000
Note: A representative for a condom company was on her way to an
international condom convention. While rushing through the airport, she
dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the
floor. She noticed passers-by looking at her as she tried to get the condoms
back into her briefcase. "It's okay," she explained. "I'm going to a
convention."
Second note: A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she
looks down and sees a really ugly frog. Picking the frog up, she comments on
the creature's rather hideous appearance.
Princess: "My, but you are really an ugly frog!"
Frog: "I know, I know. I've got a really bad spell on me."
Princess: "Well, I've seen frogs with spells, but none as ugly as you."
Frog: "Look, leave me alone, lady. I told you, it's a really bad spell."
Princess: "Well, even so, if I kiss you, will you turn into a prince?"
Frog: "I don't know. A spell this bad will probably take a blow job."
Third note: I thought you might like to know this: "Onanism produces seminal
weaknesses, impotence, dysury, tabes dorsalis, pulmomary consumption,
dyspepsia, dimness of sight, vertigo, epilepsy, hypochondriasis, loss of
memory, manalgia, fatuity, and death. ~ Dr. Benjamin Rush, in "Medical
Inquiries", 1812 (then the dean of the medical school at the University of
Pennsylvania).
Fourth note: Pardon the disruption. My mother passed away last week. She was
in her seventies and had lived a good life. I may have lost some things in
the confusion of my life. If I appear to have lost your story or your review,
please send me a reminder. Also, I don't have time to read all the posts on
a.s.s.d. and a.s.s. from the past week. If I missed something, I'd appreciate
hearing about it.
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"The Gift" by Master Yves (submission) 9, 7, 4
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569859228
"Taste of Her Smile" (Version I) by Staysa (bestiality) 10, 7, 4
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570618333
"Taste of Her Smile" (Version II) by Staysa (romance) 9, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570715815
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571218830
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571336098
"A Truly Thankful Reader" by Ploenzke (blowjob principle) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575327678
"Character Assassination " by Jack of All Trades(writing a Valentine story)
9.5, 10, 10.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575767185
"The Bet" by Captain Steve and Linda (gambling & infidelity) 9.5, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575375008
"Evangelism" by Jack of All Trades (religion and sex) 9.5, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574363174
"The Mission" by Amber Riddle (sorority initiation) 6, 5, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549639440
"The Ethics Conference" by Jimmy Hat (voyeurism) 10, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439932
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439927
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439937
"Passenger" by Mr Slot (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576513121
"Coping" by Michael K. Smith (incest) 10, 10, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576392382
"A Ruthless Couple" by Unnamed Author (rape & snuff) 9, 1, 1
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577200437
"French Roulette" by Chronos Foe (gambling for sex) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576761265
"The Girl with the Goodbye Eyes" by Erin Halfelven (sexual nostalgia) 10,
10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574191521
"The Red-Shouldered Mangrove Warbler" by Dr Spin (cherry popping) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568006396
"After Hours" by Ann Douglas (hot Ff encounter) 9, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577657725
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577676722
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Brother Spy" by H. Sigerson (voyeurism). Admiral Cartwright: 9, 7, 7.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574829007
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574829033
"Shared" by Sven (old marriage opens). Fiddler: 10, 9, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570605414
"Felicity the Beast" by DrSpin (nymphomania). Myers: No Rating
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575327672
'Sis on Tape' by Bernard Sagon (blackmail). Admiral Cartwright: 8.5, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565556518
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565556524
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565568330
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565568336
"To Inherit a Factory" by Spiller (industrial sex) 7, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580310350
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580310343
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580310337
"Three Days in August" by MichaelD (romantic seduction or seductive romance).
Myers: No Rating
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=519384057
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=519384051
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=519384047
"The Perfect Martini" by Captain Sail and Linda (perfect sex) 9, 10, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570160034
"Yard Work" by Monika Blue (gangbang) 9, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565009645
"Ghost Story" by Ghostwriter90 (ghostly). Mary: highly recommended
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=531819315
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Campus Crusade" by Sean (sex in public places) 6, 6, 6
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397743030
* "Triked, Tricked, Trolloped" by David Shaw (airborne rape) 8.5, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=457158799
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"The Gift" by Master Yves (master_yves@hotmail.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569859228
A key concept behind this story is that submission is something given freely,
not forced; something earned, not owed.
How does He earn her submission? By giving clear commands, I suppose. Or
maybe it's when He holds and caresses the cheeks of her ass, enjoying their
feel and parting them to watch Himself slide in and out of her, and to gaze
upon the other, smaller entrance just above, where His cock enters and exits
her with steady, firm strokes.
she has been so nervous about finally meeting Him, giving herself into His
service, that she has been unable to eat for more than a day.
I guess He earns her submission sort of retrospectively by giving her
pleasure after she submits.
The submission motif somehow goes right over my head. The Man is a sort of
God, who gets capital letters even in the middle of sentences. The woman is a
lower-class being, who gets lower-case letters even at the beginning of
sentences. This reminds me of medieval Christianity, which classified people
as good to the extent that they were subservient to the Deity. A famous
female Christian theologian I think it was St. Theresa even stated that
God demonstrated his love for his creatures by making them suffer.
This basic theme that love is shown by dominance and submission has run
through numerous religions, from Greek mythology to modern paganism. I
personally reject the theological notion as a remnant of ancient superstition
a misunderstanding of the relationship between humanity and God; and the
submission of a female lover to her male superior makes just as little sense
to me. My prayer is that God is not a dominant asshole and that people who
think love is a matter of dominance and submission will get a better grip on
love.
But heck, who am I? If I were infallible or at least a Man, I might be
eligible to have an opinion on this matter.
As it is, however, the story is unimpressive to me. If you already buy into
the notion that wives or lovers should submit to their Men, then you might
enjoy this recital of that liturgical formula. Personally, I found this story
tedious. If the story is supposed to be romantic (which I think is the
intention) then I would understand it better if there were a mutual respect
and mutual self-giving. I acknowledge that in real life there are people who
thrive on feeling inferior or superior in a relationship, but I think they
should seek counseling and get over it.
Ratings for "The Gift"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Taste of Her Smile" (Version I) by Staysa (stasya@counsellor.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570618333
This story was well written.
I can't recall why I chose to read it. It's about a guy fucking a dog.
Somebody must have recommended it to me. Or maybe somebody pulled a practical
joke on me.
As I read the story, I assumed that there was going to be a punch line: the
dog would turn out to be a bitch in some metaphorical sense. But no, it's a
dog he's fucking.
Was a glad I read the story? Not really. I mean, I guess if a guy fucking a
dog could be a thing of beauty, this might qualify as a beautiful story; but
I thought it was mostly weird.
Ratings for "Taste of Her Smile" (Version I)
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Taste of Her Smile" (Version II) by Staysa (stasya@counsellor.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570715815
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571218830
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571336098
After I had written the review of "Version I" of this story, I found Version
II. After reading this second version, I can only conclude that I think I am
missing something here. I have looked in vain for hints within the stories,
but I simply don't see a relationship between them. That is, I don't see how
they can be viewed as two "versions" of the same story. If the stories had
different titles and no reference to "versions," I would have assumed they
were completely discrete stories by distinctly different authors. I think
maybe two separate authors chose a title and decided to write separate
stories with that title. Then they posted them without telling us about this
inside "joke."
The impact of the identical titles was mostly distracting: it did not add at
all to my enjoyment of the stories. It's a game I don't understand. Having
said that, I'll review this "version" as a separate story. It's not quite as
well written in terms of grammar and style as the first, but it was a lot
sexier and more fulfilling to me as a reader.
In this case, the two people meet while she is out walking her dog and he has
just broken up with his first long-time lover. They are both concerned about
using and being used. Nevertheless, they soon head out to the woods together
for some great outdoor sex.
The description of the sex is not as vivid as what I've seen in numerous
other stories, but I admired the author's attempt to distinguish between love
and sex. My feeling is that the author made a genuinely good effort and fell
just barely short. The actions don't quite validate what the characters say
they are feeling and thinking. Nevertheless, I enjoyed this story very much.
Ratings for "Taste of Her Smile" (Version II)
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"A Truly Thankful Reader" by Ploenzke (ploenzke@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575327678
This story represents the ultimate implementation of the Blowjob Principle,
which states that if a person wants to get a second blowjob, he had better do
something to make sure the giver felt good about giving the first blowjob.
Applied to short stories, this means that if you enjoy a story, you should
convey your gratitude to the author, and then maybe he'll write another even
better story.
In this case the narrator is finishing up his story in the computer lab, when
an attractive young lady looks over his shoulder and admires his work. After
he posts his story to a.s.s., he takes her back to his room and shows her
some more of his work. Alas, she discovers that he is still a virgin and that
all the stories he has written are based on theory or fantasy. So then she
gives him a chance to admire HER work.
Ratings for "A Truly Thankful Reader"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Character Assassination " by Jack of All Trades
(tradesjackofall@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575767185
This is a clever little story about an author writing a passionate Valentine's
Day story. The sex in the story blends nicely with his real life. It was a
short but very sexy and humorous story.
Ratings for "Character Assassination "
Athena (technical quality): 8.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Bet" by Captain Steve and Linda (sailtwo@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575375008
Jaded with normal gambling, the two business partners make the ultimate bet:
one hand of poker the winner gets to sleep with the loser's spouse. The
loser must actively help the winner in the seduction. The winner gets to
tell all to the loser in explicit detail, and the loser must listen.
Their main grammatical problem is that the lovers are discrete, when they
should have been discreet. Their main practical problem is that the bettors
picked the wrong time to fire their mutual secretary. Their main moral
problem is that they have no morals. And there's an interesting twist at the
end.
Ratings for "The Bet"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Evangelism " by Jack of All Trades (tradesjackofall@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574363174
The Reverend Fullmer and his crew are preaching the healing gospel of love.
The message is full of innuendo, and the thoughts of the characters enable us
to read between the lines.
The story is short and silly, but fun. I guess this story might be a good one
for those of you who have been getting a little behind in your love offerings
<wink>.
Ratings for "Evangelism"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Mission" by Amber Riddle (ambersbikini@nospam.hotmail.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549639440
This is a little story that was tossed together without much evidence of
thought. To get into a sorority, the college girl has to give the prof a
blowjob I think. Heather also has to do something, but the author forgot to
include that part of the story. Which was fine with me.
Ratings for "The Mission"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"The Ethics Conference" by Jimmy Hat (jimmy@jimmy-hat.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439932
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439927
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=549439937
Heather Stanton and Gerald Maytag are public servants attending an ethics
conference. There may be an oxymoron in that previous sentence. The ethics
conference is boring. There may be a redundancy in that previous sentence.
Actually, the convention is not about ethics at all. Ethics is the branch of
philosophy that politicians, lawyers, and whores study in order to develop
rationales to justify their unethical behavior. The conference Stanton and
Maytag are attending is actually a law enforcement conference during which
they discuss the putative color of the speaker's underwear. As far as I know,
law enforcement officers are not required to study ethics. They are simply
required to be good, moral people like our protagonists.
The plot focuses on Agent Maytag discovering that there is hankypank going on
in the hotel at which they are staying. So while his faithful sidekick
Stanton finds a way to enjoy the hankypank, Maytag organizes a raid to punish
the evildoers.
This is another enjoyable episode in the ongoing adventures of these two FBI
agents.
Ratings for "The Ethics Conference"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Passenger" by Mr Slot( dalech33@optusnet.com.au).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576513121
This is a really unusual story. The man is seated next to an attractive,
professional-looking woman on a crowded train. He tries to strike up a
conversation with her, but instead she engages him in a sexy monologue.
Objectively, the "conversation" is about as "sexy" as the dubbed-in lines you
hear in an XXX-rated movie while the film goes through eternal loops and one
of the partners groan: "Can you feel me as I rock back and forth on your
monstrous cock? Can you feel my pussy clamp down on you? Can you
. Oh God!"
It's the context that makes the monologue great. I don't want to tell you any
more about it, because a big chunk of the fun is finding out what happens.
I strongly recommend this story.
Ratings for "Passenger"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Coping" by Michael K. Smith (incest) 10, 10, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576392382
Tom has been lonely and dysfunctional since the death of his wife six months
ago. He takes a double dose of sleeping pills with the hope of getting a good
night's sleep. His 13-year-old daughter comes to talk to him, sees him
asleep, and takes a pill herself. In the middle of the night Tom finds
himself in the middle of an erotic dream, vividly reliving the sexual thrills
he used to share with his wife. Only it's not a dream.
You can take it from there. This is a thought-provoking story. My only nit to
pick is that this sort of activity would be more complex than it seems to be
in this story; but a complex moral discussion would not be anywhere near as
interesting as this story.
Ratings for "Coping"
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"A Ruthless Couple" by Unnamed Author (postgoth@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577200437
<<This is my first story, so please let me know what you think. This story
contains extreme violence, rape, and incest. If you are under 18 or otherwise
legally barred from reading this type of sexually explicit material, this
story is not intended for your consumption.
This story is presented in the form of a dialogue. It explores the
connections between power, violence, sibbling rivalry, and sexuality. This
story in no way condones violence against anyone. While the creation and
experience of violent sexual fantasies can be extremely pleasurable and harms
nobody, actualizing such fantasies can never be justified.>>
The above disclaimer is the only part of the story that makes clear sense.
The rest of it is pretty much like a really disjoined and bad version of the
introductory scene of "A Clockwork Orange" without the rest of the movie. By
that I mean that the story could possibly have gone somewhere, but I sure
don't know where that might be.
I dunno. When the author forgets to include either his name or the plot,
sometimes I suspect that it's not my fault that the story falls flat. This
came across to me as a piece of drivel that somebody threw together in two
minutes and then posted, while he laughed up his sleeve over the fact that
some naοve readers might accept it as a serious effort.
Ratings for "A Ruthless Couple"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 1
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1
"French Roulette" by Chronos Foe (Chronosfoe@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=576761265
Here's how you play French roulette with three people. It's similar to
Russian roulette, except that you use a penis instead of a gun. Each girl (in
this case 2 of them) takes a turn at sucking the guy's cock. First round, one
draw; second round, two draws, etc. The loser is the one who gets a mouthful
of cum. If the guy survives 30 rounds, then both girls become his sex slaves
for the night. If he cums, he joins the swallower as the sex slave of the
other female.
It sounds like a win/win situation for the guy. For him to win, he would have
to endure a very large number of potential sloppy and erotic oral strokes.
Losing under those circumstances might not be so bad.
For the girls, the idea is to leave the guy on the brink for her opponent.
Buried deep in the rulebook is the one that requires that the guy be tied
spread eagle to the bed.
Ah! The slip of a lip may sink a ship!
Of course, the payoff consists of a most interesting threesome.
Ratings for "French Roulette"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"The Girl with the Goodbye Eyes" by Erin Halfelven (Joyce@qnez.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574191521
After a guest reviewer gave this author what appeared to be unusually low
ratings, I made it a point to read several of her stories. This one is the
shortest, but I liked it best. Maybe it was my mood at the time, but this
little piece had a poetic quality that really attracted me.
It's a story about a man making love to a woman who he knows will not be with
him long. It's a very nice treatment.
Ratings for "The Girl with the Goodbye Eyes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Red-Shouldered Mangrove Warbler" by Dr Spin (DrSpin drspin@newsguy.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568006396
The three nerdy teenagers are going bird watching, and the beautiful older
chick who's getting married next week asks to come along. Gosh but she was
pretty.
They look for the designated bird, but they have no luck until the
beautiful chick discovers that she has just three condoms left in her
travel bag, and she has a chance to double her head count before she gets
married , and the guys will get to lose their cherries.
"Maybe you want to think about this," one nerd suggests
"Shee-it," says another.
"Fuck my brown dog," says the third.
Amazingly, four red-shouldered mangrove warblers appear and start pecking and
swallowing the little orange berries, while the bride-to-be is humping nerd
number two. Then it's our narrator's turn. What will he do?
Fuck the red-shouldered mangrove warbler!
To determine whether that's a metaphor or a literal description, you'll have
to read the story.
The problem is, nobody would believe a nerd who told a story like that. .
Four red-shouldered mangrove warblers at one time? No way.
Ratings for "The Red-Shouldered Mangrove Warbler"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"After Hours" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577657725
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=577676722
Susan is a high school history teacher who gets picked up by a purple-haired,
heavily pierced, nineteen-year-old girl who works at the video store where
she goes to pick up her stash of lesbian/teen flicks for a night of plowing
her own field. Previously, Susan had merely engaged in fantasies about the
nymphets in her classes, settling for a woman her own age for hands-on
engagements. Elisa is something else.
Elisa is a nineteen-year-old girl with purple hair and an excess of passion.
She is a sort of Purple People Eater. I heard that song on the radio
recently. Old people have no basis for making fun of the songs of modern
teenagers. But I digress. To be politically correct, I should say that Elisa
reveals herself to be an exuberant and talented young lady with purple hair an
d a proclivity to eat people's pussies and to tear apart her partner's
panties in the process.
The sex is good, and there's even an interesting twist at the end.
I was distracted by the constant use of a capital letter whenever the word
"Teacher" occurred. Respect is one thing, but obeisance is another.
This is Ann's swan song. She says she's retiring. There were many
well-deserved goodbye messages in a.s.s.d. My favorite was from the fan who
said, " I cant say I won't miss Ann because I will but at least she won't be
adding any more stories to the ones I haven't gotten to yet so I won't be
getting further behind." Actually, if you'll pardon just one more bad pun, I
enjoy the sensation of getting a little behind in Ann's stories.
Ratings for "After Hours"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Brother Spy" by H. Sigerson (SigersonH). Guest Review by Admiral Cartwright.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574829007
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574829033
Here we have an excellent study in contrasts. The author purports to be a
17-year-old male who is recalling events from five years prior. The
then-12-year-old has inherited his late father's affinity for electronics,
and decides to use his skill to spy on his three sisters and their mother by
building an elaborate PEEPER (Personal Electronic Eye Platform for
Examination and Relaxation - itself a contrast, as the first four match the
character and the last two seem tacked on) system hidden in portable radios.
The need for the devices in the various bedrooms, bathrooms and beyond is
believably explained; however, the obvious expense involved in purchasing
such equipment as micro- and low-light cameras, coaxial cable, monitors and
the like is brushed off in a bill to mom's credit card that she never notices
(Dad's accident left the family financially comfortable, but mom works
part-time for 'extras'). A quick reference to one's allowance frankly stuck
in the craw.
There are other niggles: Mom and Dad supposedly came close to giving up on a
son after the births of three girls, but his third sister is two years
YOUNGER; the 'author' has 12-year-old hormones, but with an adult attitude
not quite sufficiently explained; EVERY female in the family (including the
ten-year-old) has lesbian tendencies; you get the idea.
Yet, that having been said, the sex was quite hot. A nice touch was the
set-up of one sister with a female friend who needed setting up as well; both
by the 'author'-as-pre-teen and unbeknownst to each other. The remainder
happened slowly and believably. It rang true, and worked well. Writing and
grammar were, though not quite perfect, indicative of a great deal of time
and relative care. That this was much more than a simple stroke story was
clearly evident, and to the author's credit. I hope to see more from Mr. (I
presume) Sigerson.
Ratings for 'Brother Spy':
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Admiral (appeal to reviewer): 7.5
"Shared" by Sven the Elder <sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk. Reviewed by Fiddler.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570605414
Sven and his wife Pat have agreed that they might "open up" their marriage to
affairs. When Pat goes off for a month's residential course, each sees that
this might be the time for her. It is, including a three-way, but it's also
the time for Sven who is seduced (?) by their neighbor, Jan.
This is Sven, after all; the action is hot, and the writing is smooth. It is
presented as a series of notes on their computer between Pat and Sven. But
Sven doesn't stick to this consistently. "Jan was the mother confessor type.
Oh, go on! You've met them; you must have met them," can't have been
addressed to Pat. The women are neighbors, after all. "Pat, you're away for
a month -- that residential course is too far away to travel home at the week
end," is *addressed* to Pat. But she doesn't need the information.
All of this is nit-picking. The story is definitely minor-league among
Sven's stories, but it is high among the swinging stories on Usenet.
Ratings for "Shared":
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 10
"Felicity the Beast" by DrSpin (drspin@newsguy.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=575327672
This story is a pretty average-fare stroker about a can't-get-enough sort of
gal who waltzes into the narrator's life and tires him out in no time. That's
about the end of it. Really, it starts off better than I just made it sound.
There is enough humor to keep the ruse going, though more than enough of what
might qualify for shtick, as opposed to humor.
The premise is fine. Who wouldn't be interested in hearing about a woman that
keeps coming back for more, to the point of draining the souls out of the
POOR tired men around her? Well, with the amount of detachment that our
Felicity displays, it's hard to imagine that anyone could keep from getting a
little disinterested after a while. And if these guys aren't enough for her
appetite, then why doesn't she just go find entertainment elsewhere? It's not
supposed to make sense, I know that. But on the other hand, it doesn't GO
anywhere, and about midway through I get the feeling the author is saying,
"Hmm... how the hell do I wrap this up, now that I've made my point?" Good
question.
Honest, it's not a bad story. Just very average.
{No rating}
'Sis on Tape' by Bernard Sagon (bernard_sagon@hotmail.com). Guest Review by
Admiral Cartwright.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565556518
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565556524
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565568330
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565568336
This hardly is a new story: little brother treated like shit by big sister,
little brother gets a chance to exact revenge, big sister forced to service
little brother. But, this time, the tale takes a compelling turn.
The protagonist, a 17-year-old high-schooler, is given a golden opportunity
after going home sick and finding his collegian sister in bed with one of her
professors. The boy quickly finds his parents' camcorder and the rest, as
they say, goes right where you might expect but *not* on the road expected.
For a sex story, there's actually very little sex. What is there is very,
very hot. More importantly, though, is the compelling manner with which the
author keeps the reader willing to stay with the story. Far too many such
tomes are so overblown with details or setup that the action, when it
arrives, is 'ho hum'. Sagon keeps you wanting to know what's next, even if
the end result is a bit predictable. (How would *you* say 'thank you'?)
The lone drawback is a tendency to misspell several easy words (e.g.: peek,
shoot - not caught by spell-checkers as 'peak' and 'shot' are legitimate
words) and a few not-so-easy ones(Durango). While distracting, it is not so
egregious as to take much by way of points off a story I highly recommend.
Ratings for 'Sis on Tape':
Athena (technical quality): 8.5
Venus (plot and character): 10
Admiral (appeal to eviewer): 10
"To Inherit a Factory" by Spiller (xxspillerxx@my-deja.com)
Reviewer: Anne747 (Anon747@aol.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580310350
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580310343
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=580310337
The story here is an unfinished piece which left me wanting more. The thing
is, I'm not sure that I mean another chapter. The opening held a hint of
mystery that vanished early on. I could be completely wrong, and perhaps the
author intends to answer more in part 3. It does seem that the mystery is
solved in this segment.
The main character, Jonas, inherits a factory in Italy that nobody in the
family seems to know existed before his parents' death. Upon his arrival at
the mystery factory Jonas discovers that his father had created a factory
that single mothers were running as a commune. After making sure they know
he has no plans to change the status quo, Jonas partakes of their charms.
The location is ideal, the women are all lovely, and all slightly sex-starved.
It seems father spread more than a little financial backing, and Jonas
continues the tradition.
The story is light and sexy. The writing could use a little work. Some of
the sentences are a little long, and there are some typos. A proofreader
could fix most of this easily. For fun sexy stroke, this would be a good
choice (provided you're not grammar anal), especially for men into a harem
fantasy. The story had the potential to be something different. A little
conflict would have held my attention more. Maybe even a little more mystery
about what was really going on at the factory. That however, is simply
personal taste.
Ratings for "To Inherit a Factory"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 7 (this would likely be higher if I were male
*grin*)
"Three Days in August" by michaeld38 (michaeld38@aol.com). Guest review by
Dave Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=519384057
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=519384051
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=519384047
The author begins with a brief note concerning why he hasn't been posting
many stories in a while, and how he's really retired from the biz for the
most part, etc. In that space, the author divulges that he is a novelist when
he's not busy writing erotica. It's funny how sometimes you can tell which of
our online personalities make their trade by writing in some fashion or
another, just by reading their stuff. I'm proud of myself for having pegged
MichaelD38 even before this admission.
But the point is that good writing shows, every time. The ability to set a
scene is so lost in many of the stories I read that I'm almost surprised when
I find a story that has that quality to it. It's strange what we become
accustomed to, because I wouldn't tolerate it for very long in the most of
the novels I chose to read. And so here it is that we find Lori, college
student home for a vacation, and her twice-divorced father, an everyday
drudge that doesn't care much about his kids. The picture is a snapshot of sub
urban life, with definite undertones of the American Beauty sort.
Lori's bored, and like any red-blooded American gal, she needs some
excitement. So she creates a little while she sets her eyes on her neighbor,
also divorced, and a writer. If there is any criticism I can level at the
story at all, it might be that Lori is slightly TOO eager from the get go, a
bit of a caricature of herself during the first stretch of the text. Even
so, I've seen worse by far...
Lori plays the tease out until finally she manages to break down the guy's
resolve enough for him to see her as a sexual prospect instead of the
neighbor's daughter. Only, she's not ridiculously overt or silly about it.
Things just "happen." It's a nice study in the kind of seduction that "just
happens" as opposed to something completely one-sided. People actually have
conversations. Wowzers.
To make things easy on everyone involved (including the writer), the story
ends at the end of the three-day weekend, effectively turning the notion of a
one-night-stand story on its head. It's unclear what the future holds, but it
doesn't matter, we're able to appreciate what did transpire for what it was:
a nice moment, a nice three days.
"The Perfect Martini" by Captain Sail and Linda (sailtwo@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=570160034
As Yogi Berra might have put it, you can say a lot with a few works if you
put them together right.
As the protagonist sips a perfect martini, his perfect wife tells him of her
perfect plan. He doesn't like it, but since he has been sleeping with the
wife of his business partner, he rather has it coming.
The dialogue is cool and suggestive; the characters are real enough, if
minimally drawn. That's what good word choice can do.
It's a good story. Read it.
Now for the commercial. Although it is only a small distraction in this
story, I am going to rant a little about the use of nominative case pronouns
where objective case should be used. "The company honors Jerry and I
" is
the example from this story. The direct object of "honors" should be "me,"
of course. This is worse than the casual use of "me" for "I" as in, "It's
me;" it seem to be going out of one's way to make the error. On suspects the
writer [I am generalizing, not casting stones at "Captain Steve" and "Linda")
has a guilty conscience about having mistaken "me" for "I" and is trying to
compensate by making the obverse error. Or maybe some people think "I" is a
higher class word that the lowly "me." Anyway, don't do it.
Athena 9
Venus 10
Homer 9
"Yard Work" by Monika Blue (monika_38@yahoo.com). Guest review by Wherryman
wherryman@quihye.demon.co.uk.
ASSM link: http://assm.asstr.org/Year1999/21982
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565009645
A not entirely demure southern belle, a group of hormone fuelled teens, and a
sultry summer afternoon come together well in this first story by Monika
Blue. Sorry, that pun is misleading, because, in spite of the FMmmm code
this is not a teen, wet dream, orgy in the sun story.
Our southern belle just fancies some eye candy around to get her in the mood
for some serious clubbing; so she invites the lads to do some yard work.
Since she's quite a picture herself the, offer is accepted and the scene is
set for some enjoyable flirting.
How the story progresses from there I'll leave you to read for yourselves
because although it's not an original plot, it is handled well.
'Yard Work' is a first story and with the recent vivisection of reviewers on
a.s.s.d I was wary of saying more but I'll bite the bullet and explain my
marks a little. Technically there's little problem. It slid through the
spell checker, though, like all stories, it does need proof reading too. Not
just for the few grammatical errors but to get a second opinion on some of
the phrasing.
Plot and character - hmmm..... One of the established authors, possibly Sven
or Uther, trying to turn me from a reviewer to an author, suggested I take
some characters, put them in a situation, and see what happened. In its
simplest terms that's what story telling is about and Monika has done that
well. The characterisation is good - though limited by the brevity of the
story, but the plot has been seen before so I dropped marks here.
Appeal to reviewer is the most subjective mark here and although there's
nothing major to criticise neither did it grip me in a big way. Style and
use of language promises well for the future though, so read the story, give
Monika some feedback, and hopefully she'll 'dare to be different' with her
next tale.
Rating for: Yard Work
Technical merit 9
Plot & character 8
Appeal to reviewer 7
"Ghost Story" by Ghostwriter90 (ghostwriter90@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=531819315
I loved this one. It has some really steamy sex, sufficient plot and pacing
to keep it moving along (not just get bogged down in the copulations) and
there's a neat little Roald Dahl type sting at the end. The writing is good,
unobtrusive and, therefore, evidently carefully worked. The document is
well-proofed, properly formatted and correctly coded. I've just one grievance
- the title. It's too obvious and it robs the story of its evocative tension
and the element of surprise. Something more ambiguous is called for. Would
the author consider re-posting it with another title?
Something like "The Tenth Commandment" (or whatever the correct one is),
"Neighbors" or some such? I don't want to spoil it for readers by saying more
about the story itself - don't miss this one.
Janey is right, I think. The number ratings are really silly. So here we
have it: Excellent story, well crafted, plotted and written, and highly
recommended.
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Campus Crusade" by Sean (megason@mail.utexas.edu).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=397743030
Somebody reposted this without attributing it to an author, but I think my
citation is correct. The title refers not to a religious endeavor, but rather
to a loose organization of adventuresome couples on a college campus who have
sex all over campus - bathrooms, study rooms, library desks, elevators,
offices, and anywhere else they can think of. The ideas are great
(hedonistically, not morally, of course), but there needs to be a little more
development. And there would be no serious objection to adding some
punctuation.
Ratings for "Campus Crusade"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
* "Triked, Tricked, Trolloped" by David Shaw (david@f-e-mail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?457158799
This story takes place on a beach down in the southwest corner of Western
Australia. Sandra and Jeff are bickering over their problems with their
Suzuki, which is stuck in the sand in the middle of nowhere. Their
hostilities are disrupted by the arrival of a man in a microlight (or an
ultralight), which is a weird, three-wheeled flying vehicle, sort of like an
overgrown hang glider. It's also called a trike; hence the first word of the
title.
The man, Brett Reynolds, offers to give the woman a ride back to work in his
plane; but he has other things on his mind. Hence the second word of the
title. Brett's chicanery is more understandable after you read the
description of Sandra's physiognomy. Oh, and Brett has to steer from the back
seat while Sandra sits in front of him between him and the controls and
her tits don't quite fit in the humpsuit, er flight suit. But they make good
knobs.
It turns out Brett is a whinging bastard, which is apparently a technical
term for an Australian SOB who likes to spend "a nice day flying around, see
a sheila you fancy, swoop down, pick her up, squeeze her teats, make her
helpless, and then spend a happy afternoon giving the stupid bitch the
thorough shafing she deserves for her trusting stupidity." Hence the third
word of the title.
I liked this story. The plot is really not all that great, but until now I
didn't even know Aussies from the bush could write coherently. It's like what
Samuel Johnson said about the dancing bear: you don't worry about how well
they do it, but you marvel that they do it at all. What I mean to say, amidst
my incoherent insults, is that the ambience of the story is better than the
story itself.
Another reason I liked this story was that it has given me an opportunity to
tell my only slightly Australian sex joke that doesn't contain the phrase
"down under":
After working for many long years, a hooker finally decides to retire.
Fearful of spending the rest of her life alone, she also decides to marry.
Having been with so many perverted men over the years, she feels that she
needs a change and commits to marrying only a virgin male approximately the
same age as herself.
She takes out numerous ads in various newspapers around the world, seeking a
male virgin approximately 55 years old. She finally narrows her choices down
to one Australian computer programmer. After a thorough background check,
she is convinced that he indeed had never been with a woman and they are soon
afterward married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to
change into her nightie. When she returns, she finds that her new husband
has taken the bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner.
Thinking this rather kinky, she says to her husband, "I thought you had never
been with a woman before."
He replies, "That's true, but if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo,
we're going to need all the room we can get!"
Ratings for "Triked, Tricked, Trolloped"
Athena (technical quality): 8.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
<end>
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