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Subject: {ASSM} {REVIEW} Celestial Reviews 353 January 24
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Celestial Reviews 353 January 24, 2000
Note: Denny W posted this. I thought I should give it wider publicity: Maybe
you CAN go blind from doing masturbating after all!
Researchers have documented six cases in which rigorous activity resulted in
temporary vision loss. Five men, ages 30 to 53, suffered hemorrhages of
varying severity in one eye while having intercourse or masturbating. The
lone woman, a 24-year-old, complained of losing vision in her left eye after
being stimulated with a vibrator. The study, published in the American
Medical Association's Archives of Ophthalmology, stressed that these cases of
"Valsava retinopathy" are rare. The condition has been associated with other
forms of exertion, such as weight lifting, or with prolonged vomiting or
coughing. Researchers believe that pressure builds in the eye, causing tiny
blood vessels to break or delicate tissue lining the eyeball to tear. It can
take from five weeks to 10 months for normal sight to return.
If you've been looking for a reason to explore celibacy, this is it. If, on
the other hand, you'd like to continue with your wanton ways, experts say you
can minimize risk by not holding your breath during sexual stimulation, as
happened in some of these cases, and by avoiding intense physical exertion if
you're otherwise sedentary.
Second note: A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her
husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while
they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks
over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
She speaks in a cheery voice: "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called.
Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you.was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful
time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Third note: A young single guy finds himself stranded on a deserted island.
As he washes ashore, he sees a women passed out in the sand. Able to perform
CPR on her, he saves her life. Suddenly, he realizes that the woman is Cindy
Crawford. Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man. Days and weeks go
by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven
on earth, in the man's eyes.
Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the matter,
sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together and I'm in love
with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt and
pants?"
"Sure," she says, "if it'll help."
He takes off his shirt and pants and she puts it on. "Okay, would you put on
my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks.
"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so.
Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the
other direction. They meet up halfway around the island a few minutes later.
He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll
never believe who I'm sleeping with!"
Fourth note: A discussion on a.s.s.d. that focused on reviews has used some
of my reviews as examples. Several people have said something like "I find it
sad that XX decided not to write again after a negative review."
The "negative review" was posted in CR 327. I didn't write the review;
however, it was written by a person who I think writes outstanding reviews.
This review (which is reposted below) gave the story a 10 for grammar and
style, an 8 for story structure, and a 5 for appeal to the reviewer.
The 8 for the story structure seemed to be valid. My opinion (which was also
that of the reviewer) is that the author piddled around with digressions that
really weren't all that interesting or pertinent and therefore could
reasonably be considered to interfere with the story structure. An 8 means
"good but not great."
The author of the review specified his reasons why he didn't like it it was
too pedantic the author came across as making cute little asides to show
off his knowledge instead of just getting on with it and telling the story. I
did not read the whole story because I don't like stories of that sort. The
damned thing has eleven parts; and I think lots of people (like me) would
like to know before they spend time downloading and reading a lengthy story
whether there is a chance they will like it. I often send long stories to
this reviewer, and he often gives them positive reviews. Lots of readers
(including me) respect his opinion (largely because he gives good reasons for
his judgments), and hence they are likely to read long stories by MichaelD,
Michael K. Smith, or Al Steiner and skip right past stuff that is likely to
be a waste of their time.
Now if XX or anyone else is going to react to this kind of criticism by
crawling into a hole and not writing anymore, so be it. A more sensible
response might be to write a better story next time. {A follow-up referred to
these two sentences of mine as "callous." A follow-up to that criticism said,
"Why? Because it's true?"}
I personally try to write reviews that are constructive, and I try to be
especially sensitive to beginners. I may fail at this; but my experience has
been that both readers and authors seem to like my reviews.
I suppose I have had "bad" guest reviewers, but they are overall a good
bunch. Some of the reviewers have gotten better in response to the feedback
that appears in a.s.s.d. Others stop reviewing when somebody blasts them for
a bad review. One reviewer started out by writing reviews that I thought were
a little pedantic and offensive. Then she did a complete 180 and began
writing reviews in which she seemed to be kissing up to the authors.
Currently, she writes pretty good reviews.
What I am saying is that those of us who write reviews may not be
professionals, but we try to do a good job; and I think we offer a useful
service.
I sometimes feel flattered when someone chastises me for "farming out" a
story instead of reviewing it myself. However, I am able to review a lot more
stories with the help of the guest reviews. In addition, I have one reviewer
who reviews bdsm stories that I find to be distasteful. I personally enjoy
his reviews a great deal, even though I rarely read the stories he
recommends. In this respect, CR provides a sort of central forum where people
can look to find out what's going on.
I hasten to add that I am aware that my own Reviews are not strictly speaking
purely reviews. They are essays in which I have some fun writing about what's
on my mind which is sometimes the story I'm reviewing and sometimes
something else. It's a reasonable thing to do, and I have a large audience of
people who like this sort of thing. There are almost no people I really want
to offend, and I enjoy the feeling of mutual respect that I think I have with
some of the authors; but I have long ago stopped worrying too much about
people liking or disliking specific things that I say. In this way I think I
am typical of most of the people who are active in this community we are
relatively non-traditional and forthright and able to deal with intelligent
discussion.
I am starting to ramble. The basketball game my husband has been watching is
nearing it's terminus, and I am feeling an urge to do something other than
harangue you any further. Below is a copy of the offending review:
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Snow in July, Stevie in August" by Michael K. Smith (hot spontaneous sex)10,
10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565173990
"Kelly" by Pee J (flirtation and passionate sex) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568890955
"Passenger" by Sidney Durham (sex at 90 m.p.h.) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567584568
"In The Darkness" by Deana Johns (sexual awakening) 9, 9.5, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567289973
"Letters to my Lover - Kitchen Fantasy & Washing Up" by Dean Edwards
(romantic passion) 9, 8, 9
"Diamondmouth" by Paris Waterman (career counseling) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=551023940
"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309575152
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309863113
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310046955
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310257476
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310469176
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310717338
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310956592
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311296168
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311609996
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311844003
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=312070547
[Or http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/ and follow your nose. But this might not
work several months from now.]
"Sports Illustrated" by Chris Church (rape & voyeurism) 5, 4, 4
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569468692
"The Former Nun" by Varangian (sex for an ex-nun) 6, 5, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568965196
"Frankie" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (incest) 9.5, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571062264
"Every Lollipop Loves A Licking" by Erin Halfelven (masturbation) 9, 8, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574462563
"A Place to Call Home" by Ann Douglas (FF romance) 9, 10, 9.5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929738
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929742
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943563
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943567
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943572
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"The Morning After" by Ann Douglas (sex with adolescent). Todd: 6, 4, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366882
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366886
"Adultery in the First Degree" by Phil Phantom (adultery). Mary: No rating.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=564668290
"Slaves" by E.Z. Riter (brutal sex). Myers: No rating.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569274527
"The Arrangement" by Ann Douglas (FF dom). BillyG: 9.5, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886897
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886902
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886906
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912025
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912021
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912020
"My Date with a Devil" by Lady Casaloma (sexual teasing). Myers: No rating.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574142519
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
{See above for Links}
* "The Mommies" by Al Steiner (sex with Mr. Mom) BillyG: 10, 10, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453994656
* "The Bandit" by Metlay (slice of life). 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568088440
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Snow in July, Stevie in August" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@bellsouth.net
work).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=565173990
Billy meets Snow at a Fourth of July block party that is held at Snow's
house. {The teenager got her name from hippie parents. Hippies used to name
their kids things like Snow, Chastity, and Rosebud.} Snow is serving
lemonade. Billy has a little too much (lemonade) to drink; and when he goes
inside to tinkle, Snow follows him. First she helps him aim; then she plays
with his dick and does a little show for him. He has a good time, and so does
she. This is not really "good," since he's an adult and she's a minor.
The next month Billy meets Snow's sister Stevie, who is also a sexy female,
but somewhat older. He helps her look at bathing suits; and the next day she
stops by and tells him that if he's not boinking her sister or anything like
that, she'd like to fuck his brains out. And I know you may find this part
hard to believe she talks dirty while he does it to her. Imagine that. She
even has exquisite rectal muscles. Imagine that.
I'm having a little trouble finishing this review. Imagine that.
Note that Snow and Stevie had "hippie" parents. "Hippy" parents would have
big hips.
Ratings for "Snow in July, Stevie in August"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Kelly" by Pee J (peej102@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568890955
The narrator finds himself attracted to Kelly, who appears to be of legal age
but much younger than he. The bad news is that he discovers she's having an
affair with a woman. The good news is that he also finds out that she swings
both ways. The further bad news is that she flirts outrageously with him, but
only when other people are around. Otherwise, she treats him like a big
brother the kind of guy a girl will neck and pet with, but not go all the
way. Some further good news is that he gets really excited about the fantasy
of watching her make love to another woman. And maybe participating.
So anyway, she fucks his brains out in a most delightful manner.
Ratings for "Kelly"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Passenger" by Sidney Durham (sidney_durham@springmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567584568
This story is silly. You could get killed doing things like this. M.A.D.D.
doesn't approve of this sort of thing, even if the Driver is not Drunk.
Al picks up a sexy hitchhiker who is half his age, and she comes on to him.
She basically undresses in the front seat, plays with her tits, flashes some
truck drivers, and then chokes his chicken for an encore.
It's a little sexier the way the author puts it.
Even more interestingly {perhaps}, this story makes the useful distinction
between "on to" and "onto." That is, it is not always correct to believe that
on + to = onto. In other words, there's a difference between Indigo coming
"on to" Al and Indigo coming "onto" Al, both of which happen in this story.
However, the story is pretty hot, and so it's not all that likely that you'll
notice or remember this semantic distinction.
This is a really silly short story, but it's well written and hot. As a
supporter of M.A.D.D. or at least as one who doesn't want them on my case
I urge you to read this story and reach orgasm to it so often that the notion
bores you stiff er, silly. That way, you won't want to do this in real
life, and the roads will be safer because of your effort. Thank you for your
courtesy.
Ratings for "Passenger"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"In the Darkness" by Deana Johns (Deana.Johns@sm0101.promedia.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567289973
This story technically deserves a slightly lower rating for technical quality
than I have given it. However, since it purports to be the recital of a young
girl just starting to have her period, perhaps the minor grammar mistakes can
be excused in the name of realism. She's a horny young kid, not a budding
rocket scientist.
The author covers up (or incorporates) these grammar problems with a really
nice sense of timing and an interesting twist in the plot.
The girl is being raised by her father, and her body has started sending her
messages that confuse her. She reflects on these feelings alone in the
darkness. Then one night a mysterious female presence joins her in the
darkness. Is it her sister come back early from college? Her lost mother
returning to give her sex instruction? I ain't tellin'.
This is an excellent story. I strongly recommend it.
Ratings for "In the Darkness"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Letters to my Lover - Kitchen Fantasy & Washing Up" by Dean Edwards
(mix@mixmaster.ceti.pl).
These "letters" have two strikes against them: (1) they use the second person
(I/you) point of view, and (2) they are not really complete stories just
snippets taken out of context. The third strike is that the stories are
pretty much formula stuff two people in love fucking the way most people
fuck when they are passionately in love and doing the ordinary things of life.
But I'm going to give these stories a foul ball on that third strike. You
non-baseball fans will have to look that metaphor up. As every non-British
schoolchild since William Babbington MacCaulley knows, what I am saying here
is that the stories don't fail, as my initial bias led me to believe they
would.
There are apparently more stories in this series, but the two that I reviewed
were pretty good. These letters do a nice job of expressing the hot, romantic
passion between a man and a woman. They are sort of like watching two people
screwing in loving passion, without any framework to tell us who they are or
why they like each other so much other than the obvious factor of
reciprocal titillation. If you like that sort of thing, you may enjoy these
fragments. I certainly did.
Ratings for "Letters to my Lover"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Diamondmouth" by Paris Waterman (the_panda@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=551023940
This is a story about a black pimp being interviewed in a billiards
establishment in downtown Newark by a young white lady who is a reporter for
the local newspaper. It relies heavily on a phonetic rendition of the
dialogue as the participants would have pronounced (and slurred) the words.
That means you have to read slowly and sometimes figure out what the hell the
people are saying; but it also means that you get a picturesque and vivid
story, if you take the trouble to find it.
Mr. Liston (the pimp) describes to the reporter the biographical details of
one Johnny Diamondmouth, a legendary king of the pimps, who used to chew
maybe twelve packs of Juicy Fruit gum a day, just to keep his breath sweet.
{Indeed, I have a past similar to Johnny D's, although my mastications were
less extreme.}
While the reporter acquires carnal and criminal knowledge from Liston, he
fucks with her mind and eventually her body. "Please continue, Mr. Liston,"
she says. He does; and she gets her story, while he gets some fine ass. In
addition, she gets some career counseling.
Ratings for "Diamondmouth"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309575152
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309863113
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310046955
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310257476
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310469176
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310717338
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=310956592
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311296168
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311609996
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=311844003
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=312070547
[Or http://www.nyx.net/~anon584c/ and follow your nose. But this might not
work several months from now.]
To relieve the tension, I'll tell you right up front that the title refers to
the notion that the major advantage of breast-feeding is that it makes a
woman less likely to suffer from breast cancer in later life and will speed
the loss of that extra weight that she developed during pregnancy. Forget
all that, and get on with the story.
This episode is filled with a lot more non-sexual, real-life matters than
most of the other chapters in the Brennan Saga: discussions of child-rearing,
of getting a college education in French, of family tribulations and
relationships, of theoretical economics, of the philosophy of history, of the
Fashoda Incident (when the United Kingdom came perilously close to war with
France), and of many other matters that real-life family members would be
likely to discuss during a Christmas visit. {These are the sort of things
Americans talk about when they don't spend all their time watching
television. Alas, the Brennans don't even own a TV set! Hell, with all the
fucking these two lovebirds do, who would have time to watch TV?} And there's
lots of play with the Kitten which is the nickname for Bob and Jeanette's
daughter.
I suppose if you have never read any of the other stories in the Brennan
Saga, you might find this episode a bewildering place to start. However, if
you have been enjoying each of the other episodes as they have appeared,
you'll be likely to enjoy this one. It fills in numerous details about people
we have grown to know and love for example, we see the courtship of Bob and
Jeanette (which was the topic of a separate story) from the perspective of
Bob's mom and dad. This is the sort of thing that brings enjoyment to
real-life families, and it makes for a very good read.
Here's what I thought was a subtle mistake: "My father has a heart condition.
Planning a quarrel with him violates her {Vi's} hypocritical oath
." A
"hypocritical oath" would be an insincere affirmation. The correct term is
"Hippocratic oath," referring to Hippocrates, the putative founder of Greek
and modern medical practice. I hesitated to make this "correction," since
this author is usually extremely accurate in his word choice. The sentence
could actually make sense with "hypocritical," since it would be possible
that Bob might have been using a sarcastic pun in the designated sentence.
{In fact, if my professor in college would have caught me with that mistake,
that's what I would have claimed.} I sent a copy of this review to the
author, and he assured me that the pun was intentional.
The part of the story that held my interest was how Bob and his father would
react to Jeanette and Vi's conspiracy to terminate their overt hostility
toward each other. I realize that has nothing to do with sex, but that should
serve to demonstrate how good this story is. However, I hasten to add that in
addition to the story's excellent and mature plot, the sex is tender and
good. These two people seem to fuck as often as unmarried hedonists who are
overwhelmed with reciprocal lust! Imagine that. Even if it is mostly licit,
unexceptionable, intercourse between lawfully wedded husband and wife.
Ratings for "Forget All That"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sports Illustrated" by Chris Church (cchurch@netinc.ca).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=569468692
I think this story tries to explore the question, "What if rape could be a
spectator sport?" The woman watches a rape in the alley outside her window.
It turns out that it's not a real rape just one of those sweet things nasty
men do to their sluts to prove that they love them. But to the voyeur it sure
looks like criminal activity, and so she sits back and watches and enjoys it.
The nice thing is that this story is so badly written that I doubt that it
will instigate a mass demand for watching rape on live TV. We'll have to
settle for bullfighting, I suppose.
Ratings for "Sports Illustrated"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"The Former Nun" by Varangian (Ludmax11@hotmail.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568965196
At the age of twenty-six, Mary Kathleen has left the convent. She is
desperate for a place to stay, and so she throws herself at the feet of her
cousin Julie. Julie's older friend Agnes comes on to Mary Kathleen, but the
former nun literally kicks her out of the bed. However, she lets Julie fondle
her, although she herself remains passive.
Then she meets Julie's friend Jack Parsons, who is a reformed homosexual. The
guy used to date younger guys; but as he has grown older and uglier, he has
resorted to women. No kidding. So Mary Kathleen immediately falls in love
with him and therefore goes to bed with Julie and this time responds
actively. Then she gets a haircut and puts on some lederhosen and has Jack
pop her cherry.
The main problem with this story is that it's too "factual" just a bare
description of events with little rationale and few realistic emotions. In
addition, it just doesn't come across as something that would really happen.
Ratings for "The Former Nun"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Frankie" by Emerson Laken-Palmer.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571062264
This is a story about incest. However, unlike most of the incest stories
you'll see in this newsgroup, it's not much of an advertisement for family
fun. Frankie is a little girl who gets boinked first by her brothers and then
by her father, none of whom are much concerned about Frankie or her personal
growth. Eventually the narrator of the story meets her and fucks her in a
kinder, gentler way. Sounds sort of like a political sound bite doesn't it?
As I read this story, it was obvious to me that Frankie's sex education,
which came mostly from her ignorant older brother, taught her that sex was
essentially a matter of animal rutting. I suppose a lot of kids look at sex
that way. At any rate, Frankie grew up believing that she was an
unattractive, natural whore.
This is not stroke material at least not for most normal people. However,
it is a well written, interesting story.
Ratings for "Frankie"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Every Lollipop Loves a Licking" by Erin Halfelven (Joyce@qnez.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574462563
The narrator and her friend play a sort of Sexual Rendezvous Game. She's
lesbian, and he's gay; but they enjoy an occasional hetero fling. So when the
urge hits one or the other of them, he/she leaves a cryptic message for the
other. In this case, the message is, "Every Lollipop loves a licking."
The only real sexual activity in the story is the narrator's masturbation
while she anticipates the encounter and tries to solve the riddle. The rest
is relatively vague anticipation. I would have liked the story better if it
were at least possible to solve the riddle or if the anticipation were a
little more specific.
But still, it's a nice little story.
Ratings for "Every Lollipop Loves a Licking"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"A Place to Call Home" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929738
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571929742
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943563
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943567
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=571943572
Alex is a self-employed construction worker. She travels from town to town,
picking up occasional work where she finds it. She gets temporary work
remodeling the old Victorian house that belongs to Marilyn Crawford, a woman
who has recently moved to the town and who is viewed as eccentric. As a perk,
she gets to live in the house. It's a big job, and so Alex stays a while.
And, as you might suspect, she finds some additional perks.
A guest reviewer reviews another of Ann's stories later in this issue. That
review is much more negative than this one. That reviewer criticizes the
author for her indirect approach: "If we need to know that the woman is 42 or
that she has black hair, and I'm not sure that we do, the narrator should
either state it outright, rather than shoe-horning it into sundry sentences
or, better yet, have the protagonist take mental inventory of herself and
include such details. Similarly, it would be far better to say that the woman
is very satisfied, then go on to what she was wondering in the early morning
light." Personally, I LIKE the author's indirect approach to details. I find
it to be a refreshing and enjoyable approach to telling a story.
I mention this mostly to acknowledge the validity of differences of opinion.
I "employ" several guest reviewers, and I really appreciate their help.
Without them a lot of stories would go un-reviewed. Some reviewers tend to
agree with me and give ratings similar to my own or at least they are based
on the same scale. Others have outlooks or values that are quite different
than my own, and some of them use rating systems that are at variance with my
own. For example, I tend to give higher ratings than some reviewers. My
belief is that since I tend to avoid the really bad stories and to read lots
of stories by really good authors, the ratings SHOULD be high. Other
reviewers, however, think that on a scale of 1-10, about half the stories
should be above 5 and about half below that mark. Some people have told me
that I should instruct the reviewers to follow my system. I don't want to do
that, because I appreciate and respect their independence. I think most
readers can understand these differences. Indeed, some have written me angry
letters telling me that they regularly ignore so-and-so's reviews. More
often, readers just make automatic adjustments based on what they know about
the reviewers.
A further advantage of these guest reviewers is that some of them agree to
read stories that I just plain would not enjoy. For example, one reviewer
enjoys bdsm and slavery stories that turn me off. I find that by sending that
sort of story his way, I get some good reviews to publish, and I also learn
something from examining his perspective.
So vive la difference! And if any of you want to join in as guest reviewers,
please contact me.
Ratings for "A Place to Call Home"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"The Morning After" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). Reviewed by
Richard Todd
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366882
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=557366886
The Morning After tells a fairly conventional story about a woman who wakes
up in bed with a stranger, is bemused and finally puts him to good salacious
use. He then conveniently disappears, leaving her with few complications.
The author does provide one twist, however. The woman has just experienced a
serious professional humiliation and sees herself as something of a loser.
During the scene in bed, which occupies the bulk of the story, she receives
some solace from the thought that, drunk though she was, she was able to
entice a man, or more exactly an adolescent boy, into her bed. The reality
that she discovers at the end of the story is of a meaner sort and is another
assault on her self esteem.
Before we consider how well the story is crafted, there are a few thing that
need to be examined. Most people would agree that, for a mature woman, an
adolescent boy's chief sexual function would be as an intelligent dildo. He
probably has great erectile capacity, but not much to offer in the way of
adult intimacy. And to add to the effect, the author has made the boy a
serving-class immigrant with whom she can only converse in a few
half-remembered words from her high school Spanish.
To put the nub of this story in perspective, imagine the sexes reversed.
Suppose the protagonist was a middle-aged and not particularly successful man
who discovers a teenage girl in his bed. (Of course, most people would be
outraged at the situation, but that's not the point here.) We would see very
clearly, in the case of a man, that anyone who needs the sexual validation he
receives from an adolescent is, at best, a pathetic creature.
Did the author intend her protagonist to be a pathetic creature? I doubt it.
The narrative tone is generally too warm for that. Yet, whether intentionally
or otherwise, she dealt cruelly with her in the denouement. Thus there is an
underlying dissonance to the story that is never resolved.
The writing is competent, with a few lapses, particularly in its narrative
structure. The point of view is almost entirely deferred first person; it is
written in the third person, but the text generally records the protagonist's
thoughts, feelings and impressions. It is when it briefly wanders into true
third person that it runs into trouble. For example, there are lines like
"It took the 42-year-old woman a few moments to fully take in her
surroundings . . . " "All her life, the black haired woman had taken the safe
path." "As they lay together in the early morning light, the much-satisfied
woman wondered . . . "
If we need to know that the woman is 42 or that she has black hair, and I'm
not sure that we do, the narrator should either state it outright, rather
than shoe-horning it into sundry sentences or, better yet, have the
protagonist take mental inventory of herself and include such details.
Similarly, it would be far better to say that the woman is very satisfied,
then go on to what she was wondering in the early morning light.
A more glaring point of view problem comes when we are suddenly told that
Tomas wasn't a virgin but had only minimal sexual experience. While it is an
interesting detail, this in not an authentic way of introducing it. Tomas is
generally rendered as personally inaccessible because of the language
difficulties and perhaps the awkwardness of the situation from his point of
view. You can't simple throw in some intimate history like that into
something that is otherwise someone else's story. Or rather you can, but it
seriously weakens the narrative impact.
The scene in bed is the strongest part of the story, a few problems
notwithstanding. The flashback and denouement are considerably weaker on
account of their ambiguity of purpose.
This review may strike some readers as unduly severe. Yet criticism is
worthless if it is not searching and honest. I emphasize the honest part
because I have not been entirely happy with having to dissect the Douglas's
work so mercilessly. I've read a number of her stories and, while I may have
reservations about any one of them, I sense a kind of friendliness and
generosity behind them as a whole. It strikes me that, with some work and
discipline, she could potentially write some excellent and memorable fiction.
Technical quality: 6
Plot & character: 4
Appeal to reviewer: 5
"Adultery in the First Degree" by Phil Phantom. (Phantom@Sonny.Net). Guest
Review by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com),
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=564668290
A house bursting with guests, a dozen kids. John wants Alice. John almost
rapes Alice. Alice sorta wants it. John gives it to Alice. The kids watch, up
close and real personal. Bill confronts Alice, mostly with his tongue in her
still sodden vagina. She threatens to be John's sex-slave. Bill blesses the
union. Bill is the husband, Alice is the wife, John is the neighbor. Hence
the title. Dear god.
Okay, so the writing's competent and it's well-proofed. But for the rest - it
isn't fun, it isn't even funny. It's just tawdry and tacky and, ultimately,
arid - bereft of any real emotional wallop or feeling for the characters.
What do the kids feel? We have their ages, but are they all just genome
photocopies, without a single unique personality trait, an individual
response? What are they saying? Isn't even ONE of the 12 horrified at seeing
this happen in the hall? Do they all creep up for a good gander like a set of
demented dwarves? What is this, the American Family Kinko? At some level,
doesn't this constitute a form of child abuse given that there are kids of
every age from 8 to 14 looking on?
John mauls Alice. She finds this "rude". Bill finds his wife and John in
flagrante. Bill is "shocked" (who'd have guessed?). Humping John leaves,
"quietly". Coveting the neighbor's ass is obviously de rigeur around here,
ergo, there's not a hint of an altercation between the guys, not a word is
said. Courteous Cuckold helps Adulteress Alice to her unsteady legs and leads
her to the bedroom. There, the lady flings herself naked on her front thus
affording a splendidly unimpeded view of her derriere and her "pussy leaking
a fuck wad over the marital bedspread". "How could you?", he says, "Didn't
you know the kids were there?". Oh my, such civility. He might as well have
said, "Oh dear. This is most unsettling," or something similar. And then he
puts his mouth where John's money was.
This is all so bizarre that one suspects that all these people can only be
British. It's only the spelling that gives it away. And just why is it
adultery 'in the first degree?' If it's meant to signify some sort of crime,
none of these recidivists seem to think it's anything but a peccadillo. I
guess we should expect Part 2 now, "Fornicating Al Fresco" or some such.
Frankly, I'll pass. Reading this is like being had by Hannibal AND his
elephants.
And before anyone out on the newsgroups starts flaming me, let me say this: I
hated the story. You might not. Fair enough. But for heaven's sake, let's not
have another one of those who-needs-or-reads-reviews-or-cares-what-they-feel
debates. If you're
reacting to this review, the answer to that should be obvious.
Unrated.
"Slaves" by EZ Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=531819315
This is a brutal story, no doubt about it. Not really for the faint of heart.
While it makes for *ok* reading, though, it is not particularly gripping in
general.
I'm not going to say the author squandered opportunities to make this a more
edgy piece, because to do so would neglect the fact (on the plus side) that
he did avoid a lot of the cliches one would expect out of a kidnap/torture
scenario involving a girls' soccer team, a few adults, and some pretty mean
enslavers.
E.Z. gets the mood of the piece just right, I should say. The feeling of
helplessness, the struggle to fight back, but not enough to upset the
masters, the overwhelming resignment and fear that there is no turning back,
and so on. There is true degradement of spirit in the "protagonists" even
without the more typical plot devices that you might be expecting in these
situations. Like some of Zombie Night's stories, this is the part that
crackles with energy, despite the sort of grizliness and beyond-the-pall
attitude of the masters.
But as with many of the stories of this type, the segue into sex isn't quite
complete. Sure, there are orgasms. Sure there is submission. Sure there is
humiliation, etc, etc. Unfortunately, there isn't the tension and conflict
about these events that there should be. It is really hard to write this kind
of material. Surely the author has locked up in his head how the women feel
at this critical point of rape and torture. Surely he wants us to know what
"it's all about" in their heads. With a story of this length, getting in the
head of the torturee is really the goal. It doesn't come through the way it
should, and so I feel like I see through the story a little too much.
So the sum of my feelings about this story boils down to: a tentative thumbs
up, but with a definite feeling that the author has something better buried
down deeper.
{No Rating}
"The Arrangement" by Ann Douglas (ann_douglas@hotmail.com). Guest Review by
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886897
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886902
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567886906
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912025
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912021
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=567912020
Following a temporary retirement by Ann Douglas several years ago, it's nice
to see her back in a.s.s. As before, she writes with ease and facility,
especially when dealing with women who have experienced both sides of the
gender equation. Her stories have always had that clear image of believable
reality and "The Arrangement" is no exception.
Pamela Jean Armstrong, the protagonist, is an attractive, even beautiful,
24-year-old blonde who has accomplished some minor successes in life, largely
flat on her back. Hardly professional qualified, but not totally dumb, she
presents herself initially as a slut-bimbo who finds herself well out on a
breaking limb, deserted by her former boss and left as the fall girl for his
impaired work ethics. Just when it appears that she's going down, her
ex-boss's replacement, Victoria Baxter, the youngest of the firm's
Vice-Presidents, makes her an intriguing offer - one too good to pass up
regardless of her previous sexual preferences.
Victoria emerges as a strong, moxy and accomplished professional women who,
as it turns out, has a thing for young girls. Just how this emerges and
progresses is a good part of the delight of Ann's story.
The one area of the story that had a small hitch for me revolved around the
implied dominant-submissive nature of their relationship. Erroneously, I had
the expectation that there was more to be developed in this story, almost as
if there's another chapter or two in the wings.
Ann's a very good story teller and "The Arrangement" follows in her
well-crafted tradition, an excellent balance of narrative and dialog, spiced
by Pamela's inner thoughts. The erotic impact of the story will, in part, be
governed by your own preferences. In any case, it's a cracking good story.
Ratings for "The Arrangement"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer):10
"My Date with a Devil" by Lady Casaloma (lacey95@hotmail.com). Guest review
by Dave Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=574142519
This is a well-written, 'well-mannered' MF rom story with a playful touch.
Made from the stuff from which harlequins are wrought, at first glance the
author appears to going for the 'cute' angle. It feels a little contrived at
the beginning, a little Ally McBeal. But after a while, the character settles
in and gets down to some fun.
The basic twist is that the 'Devil' teases the female lead by keeping her at
the point of orgasm, but not allowing her over the edge. A number of nice,
but familiar devices are used to keep it flowing. Unfortunately, most readers
will find that the author could have sustained this for a longer period
still, and this would have made for a more rewarding experience. It feels
like we're let off the hook a little too soon somehow.
Overall, this story could use some... I don't know. Polish is not the right
word... but that's on the right track. What saves it is the fresh voice and
playfulness. Perhaps the seduction aspect can be played up a little more?
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Forget All That" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net).
{See above}
I suppose the main characteristic of the sexual activity in Uther Pendragon's
stories is that it is both delightfully arousing and arousingly delightful.
In addition, the sexual activity is a perfectly natural part of each story.
We don't read about sexual athletes or people under the mystical influence of
mind control; we read about people like ourselves or our parents twenty or
fifty years ago. It turns out we might have been interesting and sexy people.
And then we have the aphorisms - adages that would make Benjamin Franklin
proud.
**** "There is room for two in a twin bed, you need a double bed
for two and a wet spot.
**** "Daughters and husbands both create messes, but my daughter and my
husband are both worth it."
This chapter in the Brennan saga is written from Jeanette's perspective, and
it includes her perfect description of her perfect man: "His puns are
execrable, his vocabulary can make me blush, he thinks that passing gas is
funny, his version of vacuuming a carpet isn't worth plugging the machine in,
he can out-stubborn a cat without even trying. He will, however, hug me when
I need it without my telling him why I need it. And no, you can't have him."
When you mix that sort of thing with discussions of family finances,
parenting skills, French phrases that are easily transparent to
non-francophiles, and really hot and tender sex, the result is a darned good
story.
As this story begins, Bob and Jeanette have now been married for ten years.
Imagine that. The Kitten (their daughter) is not yet a year old. They have
returned to Bob's parents' house to celebrate Christmas and to make this
story eligible for the Celestial Christmas Story Contest. The story is a
remarkable combination of current activities and flashbacks to Bob's and
Jeanette's earlier lives together and apart. I laughed and I cried and visite
d my own version of Bob for orgasmic and comic relief. What more can a girl
ask for in a story?
The story is long on "relationships" - in this case with a focus on the
relationship between Bob and his family. In addition, within this line of
thought the author gives us sometimes lengthy digressions on complex topics.
For example, we get a complex lecture on economics from Bob's father. This
is boring - but that's the point: the old man goes off onto perplexing
tangents, but that's part of his personality. I think it is always difficult
to deal with relevant but extraneous information in a story where the readers
will be looking for erotic impact. I suppose this author could improve, but
I think he already does a pretty good job. My advice is, if you find
yourself reading a paragraph that sounds way too complex, just read it
without trying to understand all the details. There's a good chance the
author is just trying to give the impression that the characters are having
complex thoughts - he's probably not really trying to teach you any French or
economic theory.
As in many other episodes of the "For" stories, the author throws in
tantalizing details that make us wonder, "What was that all about?" For
example, in this episode Bob and Jeanette visit her family as well as Bob's.
The details of that visit led me to suspect that Jeanette had been subjected
to some form of childhood sexual abuse from which Bob wants to protect his
wife and his daughter. The author handles this kind of innuendo extremely
well. [The author later informed me that Jeanette was subjected to some
emotional neglect and emotional abuse. There wasn't any sexual abuse. Dave
is simply bad news. I'm really not certain that comes across clearly in the
saga but then I might be reading imperfectly. ]
Penultimately, let me give you non-francophiles some free help. Bob and
Jeanette are long on puns. The main pun in this episode occurs whenever the
baby says, "Oooh." Each time this happens Bob immediately replies (often in
French), "No, it's not August; it's December." Ya see - The French word for
August sounds remotely like "Oooh," and since Jeanette is a student of
French....
Finally, please note that the story has been reposted in revised form, and
the revised form is reviewed earlier in this issue of CR.
Ratings for "Forget All That"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Mommies" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com). Guest review by
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=453994656
I'm an Al Steiner fan and one of the things I like about his style is the
care he takes in setting up the players and the situation, establishing
believable, three-dimensional people. In his offering, "The Mommies," I was a
bit side tracked by this very device.
Oh, the plot's artfully straight foreword. The protagonist is a medium
successful writer, married with two little girls, seemingly in a stable
relationship. By a bizarre twist he becomes a single, divorced man. It's
worth reading just for that unexpected turn and sufficiently compelling that
I thought of it more as the beginning of a powerful story in its own right
and not, as it appears to be, the setup or prologue to the plot that
eventually develops.
It seems odd that such a strong plot line serve no other purpose than to
set up why the protagonist is single with two little girls and consequently
be acceptable to the other "mommies" in the local park. The last part of the
story works well. The first part of the story works very well, and while
they're clearly connected, somehow theirs disconnect between them.
In spite of that criticism, I liked the story and it's worth your
attention.
Ratings for "The Mommies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "The Bandit" by Mike Metlay. (posted by atomic@tesser.com). Guest review by
Piper
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=568088440
In Western civilized cultures, there is a place separate from the so-called
real world; a place where young and old meet, where learning from books and
learning of life mix, where ideas and ideals are sometimes more important
than the people who hold them. We call these places universities.
The Bandit is a student in a place called Arcadia. This story covers the last
year and a half or so of his academic life. We don't learn much about his
studying or courses, though of course such things must take place (there's
only a few minor mentions of these matters). Instead, we read about him, his
friends and acquaintances, their shifting relationships, and the slow
unveiling of their inner personalities.
The Bandit is an intelligent young man with a libido that won't quit (like
many young men), but with a problem -- an inner voice that tells him about
right and wrong, and why he shouldn't do certain things that seem like good
ideas at the time. Think of Hawkeye from TV's _Mash_, with less joking, but
with a fair flair for music, especially bass guitar. Women and sex do not
occupy his every waking moment. He's got a real life.
Some of the other folks involved are: Zero, the skinny, easygoing guy with
the oversized shlong, who makes the girls crazy with lust; Mary Magdalene,
the slightly oversized sexpot with a killer kiss and an absolutely
over-the-top thing for The Rainbow Wizard, a cancer survivor who turned a
mystic bent, all to hide his mind games and manipulations; Diva, another
somewhat oversexed lady looking for a not-totally-meaningful relationship;
Twink, who is honest, forthright, wears her heart on her sleeve, but is so
painfully naive it hurts, and who eventually learns to share her boyfriend
with one girl, her fiance with another girl, and herself with yet another
girl (all at the same time!); Conan, the musclebound nice guy who hasn't got
a clue as to what he's really all about.
And there's still Starch, Lanky, Flower, Livewire ...
While I read the story, I slowly came to the realization that all of the
protagonists were distilled essences of character types. What made them live
for me were the real situations and their believable reactions. I could see
people I know doing the same things, but maybe not for the same reasons. Like
an onion (a very over-used metaphor, I know), there is layer upon layer of
misdirection and misunderstanding.
Look below the surface in this story. It won't grip you by the gonads,
despite the fair sprinkling of sex, but it will, eventually, take over your
mind, infesting you with thoughts about the characters themselves. Whoever
the author is, he (or she) wrote a very intelligent, imaginative slice of
life.
(My personal favorite character is Twink, but I don't think she'd settle for
me. I'm probably a bit too much of the one-man-one-woman kind of guy for her.)
This is another long (275k) story.
Ratings for "The Bandit"
Technical merit 10
Plot and character 10
Appeal to reviewer 10
<end>
--
Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights
reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
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