-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-= Celestial Reviews #311: December 1, 1998 =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= In CR#310, Celeste officially took a leave of absence. With over three years as the editor-and-chief of the Celestial Review, balancing her real and virtual life, putting up with egotistical artistic types, deadlines, and "I can do better" types it's safe to say that she's earned a very well-deserved break. Never-the-less, as the co-editor of the CR in her absence it's my sincerest hope that her respite will be very brief. It would take a novel to expound upon the benefits and history of the CR and its importance to the ASS* community. Such a discussion would be redundant anyway since, no doubt, you are already aware of its merits. Celeste did indeed create something special when in July of 1995 she published the first review, and then by throwing the review open wide for anyone who wished to become a guest reviewer she ensured, in one fell swoop, that the CR would endure. With Celeste's permission, Miss Behavin's help, the generous contributions of the reviewers, and of course with the great stories by the authors reviewed within, we are very, very happy to present Celestial Review #311. --BitBard BitBard asked me to be co-editor on the Celestial Reviews, which I suspect is just a fancy title for the chick that gets to sharpen his pencils and spell check his work, but I'm honored just the same. Together with the help of all the guest reviewers, I hope we can fill at least one of Celeste's shoes until she returns. Although I haven't submitted many stories to ASS* I have enjoyed the feedback, reviews and the people I've met. What I had to learn (one of life's hard lessons), and it's really important, is that a review is just one person's opinion. You can agree or disagree with our reviews -- that's your prerogative. I was trying to be as chatty as BitBard but I'd actually like you to stay on this page and read so I'll shut up and wish you happy reading. -- Miss Behavin` Something I learned this week -- they call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-= Resource Links =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- * ASSM -- Every story published to alt.sex.stories.moderated http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98 * ASSTR -- Free web host for erotica authors http://www.asstr.ml.org * Free Story Site Index -- a guide to amateur erotica sites. http://annejet.pair.com/fs-faq.html * ASS FAQ - Frequently asked questions about alt.sex.stories http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17521.txt ftp://ftp.asstr.ml.org/pub/Interesting_Reading/ASS_FAQ.txt -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-= Bulletin Board =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= * The CR currently needs proofreaders and authors who want proof readers, if you fall into either category please email proof@bitbard.pair.com or proof@missbehavin.pair.com. * The CR is always looking for guest reviewers, if you like to read erotica and you have the ability to form an opinion, you're qualified. Drop us a line at guest@bitbard.pair.com or guest@missbehavin.pair.com. * If you'd like your story reviewed in the CR simply place <*> in the subject line or email the story to story@bitbard.pair.com or story@missbehavin.pair.com. Stories which have not been emailed and do not include the <*> tag may still be reviewed. If you have a philosophical objection to being reviewed, simply put somewhere in your disclaimers that you don't want the story reviewed. * A HTML version of this review is on file at the following URLs: > http://www.asstr.ml.org/~BitBard/cr/cr311.html > http://bitbard.pair.com/cr/cr311.html > http://missbehavin.pair.com/cr/cr311.html * The CR's new email address is CR@bitbard.pair.com. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-= ~ Index ~ =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= ~ The Reviews ~ "Lucy Stays" by Miles Naismith (Dominant infidelity) Nick: 10, 10, 10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/16496.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=401310567 "A Brief Flirtation" By Nick (Passionate Flirt) BitBard: 10, 10, 10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17356.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409178964 "Viva Las Vegas" By Minette (Hotel Sex) BitBard: 10, 10, 10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17411.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17412.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713852 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713854 "Beyond the Windows" by MiraMalin (Poetic Erotica) BitBard: 9, 7, 5 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17388.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413708514 "She Did It" by Ntrtainr (Gee Whiz Orgy) BitBard: 7, 6, 6 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17322.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413685600 "Sex in Prague" by Prag69 (Sexual Itenerary) BitBard: 6, 2, 2 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17319.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413683580 "A Mirror" by Anonymous (Rambling Thoughts) BitBard: 8, 5, 2 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17354.txt "True Story" by Jsueth (First Pet) BitBard: 9, 9, 9 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17355.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413703197 "In the Computer Lab" by Frye Dreme (Public Sex) BitBard: 9, 5, 5 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17387.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713850 "You Only Live Once" by Rob Stiffener (Sexual Biography) BitBard: 10, 10, 10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17430.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17431.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413812622 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413812628 "The Gift" by Agionath (Sexy Present) MissB: 9, 9, 10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17433.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413812638 "Lap Lessons" by Paula Cash (Blackmail Sex) BitBard: 9, 8, 5 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17443.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=414234498 "There's Something About Suzi" By Midnight Lurker (Suzi-info-mercial) MissB: 8, 4, 2 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17500.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=414742211 "The Frog" by Martina (Amphibian Admirer) Tatos: 7, 5, 2 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17514.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17515.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=415110529 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=415110535 "Learning to Love Again" by Lambchop (Learning to Live again too) MissB: 9, 10, 10 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17520.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=415110567 "Revels and Power" by MiraMalin (Dark Age Dominance) MissB: 4, 4, 1 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17402.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413711461 "The Rose" by David Andrews (One Man's Account) MissB: 6, 9, 9 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17410.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713851 "A Summer to Remember" by Track4 (Experimental Sex) MissB: 0, 0, 0 http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17416.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713868 ~ Reposted Reviews ~ * "Gilligan's Island" by Shelby Bush (Sitcom Parody) Celeste: 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168592609 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168592619 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168592631 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413706080 ~ On This Day In Celestial History ~ Celestial Reviews 139 - November 30, 1996 * "A Love Deepy Missed" by James Boswell (Emerging Adolescence & Sexual Obsession) Celeste: 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=193979830 * "Pickles" by Dulcinea (Sexy Eating) Celeste: 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=202935601 * "Post-Coital" by Mark Aster (Sex & Childbirth) Ceeste: 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198490702 * "Teacher's Pet" by SarcasmX (Satire) Celeste: 10, 9, 9 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198164069 * "Doppeganger" by Annon (TV Parody) Celeste 10, 10, 10 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198414746 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198414750 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198418601 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-= The B Reviews =-= =-= BitBard & 'Behavin's Pick Hits =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I really enjoyed "A Brief Flirtation" by Nick. Quite a unique idea for a story and after finishing it, I was wishing it was longer -- but that was the point, I think. Always leave them wanting more, huh Nick? However, "Lucy Stays" had me hypnotized from the very beginning, especially when I realized what exactly Lucy was staying for. This story is well written and it was interesting "listening" to Lucy's thoughts. One thing that I couldn't quite "choke" down was how supportive her husband was. Where does one find a man like that? But the sex is hot in more ways than one and I highly recommend this story as it also includes a very good plot. --Miss Behavin` There were several good stories in this issue. Nick's "A Brief Flirtation" left me wanting more, and was an excellent appetizer to set the mood. "You only live once" by Rod Stiffener was an excellent, fully developed story with very interesting and detailed characters. "Viva Las Vegas" was a hot, passionate sex scene -- no story, no deep characters, just vivid sex from start to finish. In the end though, my pick of the week just has to be "Lucy Stays" by Miles Naismith. This story was long enough to allow me to immerse myself in this interesting world, the characters and plot were rich and detailed, and the sex was very, very hot. In short, this story had it all and you can hardly go wrong with that. --BitBard -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-= ~ The Reviews ~ =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Lucy Stays" by Miles Naismith Email: Mnaismith@hotmail.com Web: http://www.asstr.ml.org/~mnaismith | Pick Hit | I would have said that no one could get inside a woman's head in a story like Anne Arbor, but Miles Naismith does pretty well despite an obvious disadvantage! It is a long story but the basic plot, a wife's infidelity at the hands of a "Svengali" like character, is fairly straightforward. The trick that classic writers have is in being able to take 100 pages in describing how someone walks down the street without losing the interest of the reader. This story is nowhere near that long, of course, but Mr. Naismith has the ability to do this. I liked the story mainly because all the characters were believable. All, that is, except the man who does the seducing, who is just that little bit too dark and mysterious. Not that that detracts from the story, indeed it may well be essential to the balance that he is not that believable. The title role, Lucy, is a mother of two, and she has an ordinary friendship with Anne who she finds herself watching being screwed rigid by her lover. The embarrassment she feels at having witnessed this, and the confusion about her sexuality and her relationship with her friend is sensitively handled and, as I've said before, believable. Even her husband comes across as a real human being and one can believe that she loves him and continues to love him despite everything. I have two criticisms. The first is that a lot is made of the thoughts that go through her head, and these are enclosed in <>'s. I found this distracting, but, that said, I don't know what the alternative is. The second is that perhaps the total domination of the lover over his two women was just a tad too much. It's almost as if towards the end, the writer took his eye off the ball. Early on, when he tells her to strip, she says "Goodbye asshole!" and turns to leave - a reaction that most readers could relate to. At the end, however, he comes into her house when she is tired and hung over and feeling guilty at what she has done with him anyway, and we are expected to believe that she would do it again. That was the one part of the story that lost me. My marks for this story are: Technique 9 - there were some sentences which really needed sight checking. Plot/Character 9 - see above. Appeal 10. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MFF, F-Cheat / Adultery, Group ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 9.5 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> Nick (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/16496.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=401310567 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "A Brief Flirtation by Nick Email: nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk Web: http://www.asstr.ml.org/~Nick/ A man and a woman are having a conversation and the man begins telling the woman everything he HASN'T thought of doing to her. This is by far one of the shortest erotica stories I've ever read, yet it packs a surprisingly hard and fast punch. This is basically a very, very descriptive flirtation. I might say it's a bit more than a flirtation. It's probably more along the lines of a bombshell. In a world without sexual harassment suits, it might even be fun. Whatever it is, it's very well described and very worth your attention though chances are the story will be little more than foreplay before you move onto something more substantial. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF, Flirt / Vanilla ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 10 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17356.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=409178964 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Viva Las Vegas" By Minette Email: mmminette@chickmail.com Web: http://pages.whowhere.com/arts/minette_and_celena Annette steps off a plane and into Peter's arms. It turns out that Annette is spending her vacation in "The Excalibur" in Las Vegas. Somehow though, given how hot she and Peter are together, I'd say she won't be getting out of the room very often. I understand casinos frown on that sort of thing -- staying cocooned in a hotel room making mad, passionate love rather than spending time in the casino making the owners even richer that is. This isn't really a story -- it's more of a scene. Aside from the fact that Annette and Peter have some very hot, very well described sex we really don't know much about these people. If you're looking to vicariously have some great sex, this is definitely a story you'll be interested in. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF, Cons, Cheat? / Vanilla ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 10 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17411.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17412.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713852 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713854 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Beyond the Windows" By MiraMalin Email: miramalin@aol.com This story read like one of those perfume commercials. Basically, rather than tell a story and trying to let you become a character and live vicariously for a brief time, this story attempted to throw up a bunch of ideas and feelings and achieve art. Now there may very well be an "intellectual elite" that could experience a mind-shattering orgasm without ever touching themselves just by reading this work, but I found it too distant and confusing to enjoy and there just isn't enough sexual imagery to make up for that. This is well written, and there is some very good and powerful imagery, yet it's my belief that the vast majority of readers prefer things like character, plot, and sex in their sex stories. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF / Vanilla ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 9 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 7 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 5 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17388.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413708514 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "She Did It" by ntrtainr Email: ntrtainr@ix.netcom.com Web: http://pw2.netcom.com/~ntrtainr/ShowOff4Me.html (Commercial) Whoa! D00d! This guy really, really wants to watch his wife with another d00d only the wife swears she can't/won't (yea right). Well anyway the guy's friend is over and he asks his wife to wear something extra revealing "cuz he helped me out for three hours". Of course she does, of course she and the friend get it on in front of the husband while he jerks off. This is ASS after all. This story relies on the concept of the wife fucking the friend while her husband watches to be erotic rather than using the more traditional method of trying to write well. Despite the non-existent character development, the rad, cyber-punk feel to the language, and the almost formulaic plot, it was nominally an effective approach. It was mildly titillating, if not memorable. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MMF / SLUT WIFE ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 7 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 6 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 6 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17322.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413685600 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Sex in Prague, Czech Republic!!!!!!" Email: prag69@aol.com Web: http://members.aol.com/prag69/welcome.htm (Commercial) Ok, I got snookered. I picked this story because I have a fondness for exotic locations and peoples, something that started when I first read Shogun so many years ago. I saw Prague and imagined all sorts of wonderful east European women having a lot of fun. What I got instead was a short brochure on how to fly to Prague and spend the night with a Czech hooker for a few hundred dollars. It was just descriptive enough to be titillating and to slip under the SPAM label, but as is usually the case, with commercially motivated posts, it was hardly satisfying. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MFF, Prostitution / SPAM ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 6 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 2 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 2 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17319.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413683580 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "A Mirror" by Unknown Author This is another "perfume commercial" story. Actually, it's not really a story, it's a bunch of rambling thoughts that seems to center around the idea that boils down to: we're a bunch of animals and sex is about as glamorous as pigs mating in a mud pit. Now that may be true, but it's not something, I suspect, that most people want to read for light entertainment. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF / Vanilla ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 8 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 3 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 1 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17354.txt -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "True Story: m/f, first time fooling around" By Jslueth Email: jslueth@aol.com I have a fondness for first-time stories -- they basically allow me to recapture the terror, excitement, panic, awe, and sensuality of my first time. This short story basically describes a first pet: the first time the guy fingers his girlfriend to orgasm. There's no character, no plot, just a basic introduction and then the guy's finger's rubbing the girl's clit. This was a very nice little turn-on. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) mf / FIRST ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 9 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 9 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 9 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17355.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413703197 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "In the Computer Lab" by Fyre Dreme Email: fyredreme@aol.com For Kerrie and Jack, "things had been incredibly passionate, and the sex was great, but there was something missing." That something, apparently, was 'doing it' in a semi-pubic place where there was the risk of exposure. And so, late at night, in a dorm computer lab, Kerrie and Jack try and find the missing something. This is a very, very short scene. There's no character development and is the ASS equivalent of wham-bam-thank-you-mam. Such scenes either work or they don't -- there is no middle ground. For me, this scene simply lacked a passion that would have held my attention. However, this story is short enough that you might want to check it out and see if it does work for you. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF, Exhibitionist / Vanilla ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 9 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 5 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 5 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17387.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713850 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "You Only Live Once" By Rob Stiffener Email: rodsti@hotmail.com I've got a dilemma on my hands. You see, I just read this really amazing story. Everything I like is here for the asking: little details, exotic locations and times, characters so real and believable they jump out from the page and when you put down the story you feel as if you know them. "You Only Live Once" follows Mary from early sexual awareness, to marriage, childbirth, adultery, and finally maturity. This is a very, very believable slice of life story. If it's that good, you must be asking where the dilemma comes in. Maybe it's a sign of the times, or maybe it just felt too much like peeking in on a friend or relative but as good as this story was, it wasn't grab-you-by-the-balls sexy. So my dilemma is that I read a really, really great story but since this is the Celestial Review I'm supposed to be judging it on its sexual content. Actually, I'm thinking that if you worked "Viva Las Vegas" into this story somehow you'd have a perfect story and perfectly hot sex to end up with the perfect sex story. In the end though this story gets the triple tens that it deserves. As much as I enjoy a good sex story, I also very, very much enjoy a good story-story that just happens to have sex in it. This is a flawlessly written story, with a flawless plot, and characters so real that you wonder if this really is a true story and in the final analysis that's the strongest appeal a story can hold for me. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF, F-Cheat / Adultery, Vanilla ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 10 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17430.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17431.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413812622 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413812628 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "The Gift" by Agjonath Email: agjonath@ozemail.com.au Demmi's birthday present from her lover, Michael, is a masseur and I have to tell you that they definitely get their money's worth. Phillippe massages her so well that soon she is begging him to fuck her and although it's not Michael's birthday, he too gets in on the action. This is a fast-paced, you-better-pay-attention-cause-they're-moving-again story and I enjoyed it. There are a few grammar and spelling problems but it's not distracting from the story, and the characters are fairly well defined making it a good read. The author leaves a little surprise footnote for you at the end of the story and to answer the question -- I assumed it. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MMF, con, rom / group ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 9 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 9 ~> Miss Behavin` (Appeal) 10 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17433.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413812638 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Lap Lessons" by Paula Cash Email: grobert@IDT.NET (Contact -- not author) This is basically a sexual novel. It's 79 pages and every page is a thinly veiled excuse for people having sex. That's not very unusual on ASS but most stories like this have the sense to remain short. Actually, the sex is pretty interesting with a lot of unusual (and sexy) positions. Unfortunately, this great potential is bogged down in endless cliches and even more endless sappy prose. Basically, the thin excuse for a plot and characters presents Crystal as a computer consultant training high powered executives how to use new computer equipment, and of course she really loves sex -- a lot. This is no problem to the executives she trains who themselves are sterling examples of why we now have sexual harassment laws. Crystal has been embezzling funds and gets caught, of course the guy who catches her presses her into a sexual slavery. My biggest problem with the story was the way in which both men and women were stereotypically portrayed as one-dimensional sex objects, along with the fallacy that 'no' means 'yes'. This was closely followed by the annoying use of capitalization and then the sappy sexual descriptions: "While his finger dug into her soft girl passage, she undulated on his fingers as if commanded by an unseen force." This sort of prose gets really old, really fast. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF, MFF / VANILLA ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 9 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 8 ~> BitBard (Appeal to Reviewer) 5 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17443.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=414234498 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "There's Something About Suzi" by Midnight Lurker Email: RNRH85C@prodigy.com Web: http://www.naughtystory.com (Commercial) There certainly is something about Suzi and it's not just the miracle that she doesn't have countless social diseases -- it's how she maintains a "very tight" ass when she is this century's biggest gang-bang slut. After reading the header on the story and seeing that Suzi had been around for 10 other stories, I took it as a good sign. I assumed that I was about to read something really good -- a character that people just couldn't get enough of and they begged the author for more. Never assume. Let's see if I can sum up the story for those of you who haven't read about Suzi before. She's a slut. Okay, now that we have her character defined, we can move on to the big plot. Suzi decides to go to a "super sex-shop" and buy herself a video, take it home, break some new batteries and watch the movie. So she dresses like -- you guessed it -- a slut, and goes to the store. Much to her chagrin, the store was empty save Trent, the owner. This was a disappointment because she wanted lots of men to play with but she made the most of what she had to work with. So Suzi enjoys a little whipping and then gets fucked in her "tight (there's only been a thousand other guys up there, I swear) ass". The sex is mediocre at best. Maybe a man would view this story differently, but I viewed it as a "Suzi-info-mercial" -- about how beautiful, sexy and insatiable she was -- oh, and did I mention that she was a slut? This story did nothing for me except reminded me that I had an overdue movie to return to Blockbuster. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF anal / Vanilla ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 8 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 4 ~> Miss Behavin` (Appeal) 2 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17500.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=414742211 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "The Frog" by Martina Email: susanasue@hotmail.com Susana is totally repulsed by Frank's appearance and describes him as "short, balding and pallid, with pop eyes, yellowed teeth" and she wonders if somewhere inside is a prince. As the story progresses we find there is absolutely nothing redeeming about Frank. He is just a leach grabbing at every woman he comes in contact with. Susana, Erica and Bob meet with Frank at a bar and he immediately checks out Erica and Susana. When Susana's husband Neil arrives the lecherous evening continues. As closing time arrives they are all invited back to Frank's place. Frank leaves before them and when they show up on his doorstep, he greets them wearing only his underwear, socks and a shirt and Susana was absolutely fascinated. Drinks are served and the evening moves right along. Bob and Erica leave and Susana decides to have some fun with "The Frog." It's nice to see that Susana attempts to see past a person's physical appearance -- feeling that it is more important to see the person within. My main problem is Frank has no inner beauty either. The frog is a toad -- no prince there. The story presents us with no logical reason why Susana would be attracted to him other than the fact she may have had one too many to drink. The sex didn't do much for me. Words like "pee-pee" and "wiener" don't exactly enhance the scene or entice the reader to continue unless you still have a grade school mentality. Let's hope she doesn't end up with warts. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF / Vanilla ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 7 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 5 ~> Taltos (Appeal to Reviewer) 2 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17514.txt http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17515.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=415110529 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=415110535 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Learning to Love Again" by Lambchop Email: pcd10@my-dejanews.com The story title says it all. This story begins with a beautifully written love scene between Harry and his wife, Susan. You can feel how comfortable they are with each other and their desire. This scene is filled with descriptive phrases like - "Susan's mouth was pounding away at his cock like a jackhammer ripping up a street" and if that isn't visual enough for you then how about - " Her nipples looked like the heart of a miniature rose blushing scarlet with excitement. They called out to him and his mouth obeyed." And this is just a warm up of things to come. [pun intended] Then suddenly Harry wakes up and we find that the beginning was only a dream - a dream so vivid that it could have happened yesterday but it had been 8 years since Susan died. He hadn't been able to find anyone to replace Susan and maybe it wasn't possible -- maybe he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Harry becomes an open book to us -- his emotions are very real. In the present, Harry was living for their daughter, Melissa and this brings him to "every parents dread" -- Open School Night. Interestingly enough, Melissa's teacher turns out to be what he's been (or not been) searching for -- he just didn't know it yet. I admit, this story is sappy and the ending is very corny but that is part of its charm. The sex is steamy, descriptive and very satisfying. It's extremely well written with beautiful imagery and the characters are down to earth and fairly believable. You'll find yourself wiggling in your chair, which I always consider a very good thing. The only problem I had with this story was in the beginning after learning that the dream scene was a dream. It doesn't make sense that Harry is dreaming it but we read about Susan's emotions. Knowing the feeling and emotions on each side is important but in this story, where the majority of it is from Harry's viewpoint, it's distracting. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF / Romance ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 9 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> Miss Behavin' (Appeal) 10 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17520.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=415110567 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Revels and Power" by Miramalin Email: miramalin@aol.com [The show, he shouted would be in three rooms. One of small delights, one of teased torture and one of love enmass. You may have your choice of any or all. But remember the midnight rule. All costumes removed and all masks aside. Take your time my guests, and do enjoy.] I tried to get the gist of this story and found myself totally lost. The biggest problem that I had was just trying to read it. The grammar, spelling and punctuation are lacking in a major way and it's very distracting. It is readable -- it just takes a lot of concentration. I think the plot was kind of like when you saddle up your horse, put on it's bridle, attach all of your equipment and then look at your horse and decide that you love it too much to ride it, so you remove all the gear. Basically the woman in the story will not be owned by him -- he tries but fails in his attempt to dominate her because.... well, I think he loves her. I think I was explaining this a lot better with my horse analogy. The story idea could be a good one with some sentence structure and a little more character definition. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) Mf - mild Ds / Vanilla ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 4 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 4 ~> Miss Behavin` (Appeal) 1 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17402.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413711461 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "The Rose" By David Andrews Email: das0@mailcity.com The Rose is one man's account of how he likes to make love to woman and there is a single, red, long stemmed rose involved. (For those trying this at home make sure you remove the leaves and thorns.) Very descriptively the author tells you how he uses the rose to caress his lover before using his lips and other various body parts on her. This story is like closing your eyes reliving each movement from one particular lovemaking session. It's written from a very personal point of view -- you know how he feels and why. I liked the beginning of the story. It's very visual and you can feel the slowness and tenderness that he takes but as it progresses you start to lose the visual and it feels rushed. It's like having an hour of foreplay and twenty seconds of sex. This is a short story and you botanical buffs just might like it. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF / Romance ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 6 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 9 ~> Miss Behavin` (Appeal) 9 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17410.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713851 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "A Summer to Remember" by Track4 Email: track4@ix.netcom.com This story should be titled "A Summer to Remember -- A Story You Can Only Hope to Forget." After reading all 27 (very long) pages of this story, I could hear BitBard saying, "search for the positives," so I did. Okay BB, here are 2 positives -- (1) Suzi, used Woolite when she did her laundry and I firmly believe it to be a good product and (2) the story wasn't 50 pages long. Suzi's summer is filled with several different events such as exhibitionism, bondage, enemas, and nipple piecing -- just to name a few. The writing is very choppy which makes it really hard to read and if you toss in all of the spelling and grammar mistakes, you have an English teacher's nightmare. Here are 2 fine examples: [Jim wasn't back yet. Jerry removed the binders. Suzi put the high heels back on. Suzi fixed lunch and served Jerry on the patio. She remained standing while she eat.] [Suddenly it stopped. As Suzi recovered she realized she could hear birds signing. There was no sound of people.] Yes, the birds in Suzi's world use sign language -- they're a polite and quiet breed who don't want to disturb people in the morning with their constant annoying chirping. To me, this story was a waste of my time. It was really hard to read -- so it might have had a plot and some erotica in it but I missed it trying to figure out exactly what the author was trying to say. ~> Pandora (Story Codes/Genre) MF / BDSM ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 0 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 0 ~> Miss Behavin` (Appeal) 0 ~> Links: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/17416.txt --- http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413713868 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= =-= ~ Reposted Reviews ~ =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= * "Gilligan's Island" by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com). Email: ptvstories@aol.com Web: http://members.aol.com/ptvstories The previous two sexual parodies of sitcoms were good, but this one is the quintessential sexual parody. It is both humorous and erotic. As I read the story, I could easily imagine the actual characters on Gilligan's Island doing these things. It was really an excellent story. This makes it stand apart from some of the weaker parodies, in which the author simply takes the names of the characters and the general plot from the original story and has them do things that involve sex. How does a person write an excellent parody? I get the impression that Shelby Bush first of all enjoyed the shows he parodies. He became thoroughly familiar with the characters and the types of plots that were typical of the shows, and then asked himself, "What would happen if people in these shows were allowed to have sex?" The true genius lies in finding a creative plot and blending into that plot details that make the parody seem like a natural extension of the original show. This author does this very effectively, both in the present story and in several others that I have read. For example, I found it perfectly plausible to imagine Gilligan hiding in the bushes while Ginger took a bath under a waterfall. I could easily imagine Ginger being aware that Gilligan was there and doing subtle things to tease him. What would happen next - probably right before the commercial? Why, Ginger would bend over and display to the hidden observer the pink pucker of her asshole and the darkness of her nether lips below, and Gilligan would shoot his wad while falling backwards into a somersault, hitting his head on a tree and blacking out in preparation for the next scene. ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 10 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> Celeste (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~> Links: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168592609 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168592619 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=168592631 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=413706080 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-= ~ On This Day in Celestial History ~ =-= =-= Celestial Reviews 139 - November 30, 1996 =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- * "A Love Deeply Missed" by James Boswell (#25, 11/96) Since about the age of 10, the college-age boy narrating this story had been in love with Stacy, the beautiful woman who cut his hair. His father and he had grown close after his mother died; but to his dismay his father started dating Stacy shortly after he himself went off to college. When Dad married Stacy, he couldn't stand it. He began to hate his father; and a conservative statement would be that he began to obsess over Stacy. First he went through her drawers to examine all her clothes; then in order to make himself feel closer to Stacy, he began to jerk off into anything that would go onto her skin -- face cream, skin lotion, suntan oil, etc. Sound weird? Actually, it sounded fairly normal the way the author introduced the activities. I was frankly surprised by this story. I'm used to Boswell's slutty wife stories, and this is not like that at all. The sexual activity is largely suggestive, but very hot. It's an interesting situation: boy falls in love with girl who becomes his step-mother. What would YOU do? I think the author handles it realistically, but you'll have to read the story to see what happens. To top it off, the author beautifully "illustrates" the story with lyrics from Bruce Springsteen. ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 10 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> Celeste (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~> Links: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=193979830 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= * "Pickles" by Dulcinea (#11, 11/96) Email: Dulcinea97@aol.com It's very difficult to accomplish what Dulcinea does in this story. We all know that bananas, carrots, and cucumbers have phallic significance; but Dulcinea manages to convey the excitement of turning a lover on _over the telephone_ by eating a pickle. I got wet just reading the story, and I was just munching on a chocolate chip cookie. How could that be? ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 10 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> Celeste (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~> Links: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=202935601 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= * "Post-Coital" by Mark Aster Email: MyFrThAl@aol.com Web: http://members.aol.com/myfrthal/index.html I remember being a little shy when I asked my doctor the Big Question when I was pregnant with my first daughter: "How close to birth can my husband and I have sexual intercourse." Her answer: "As close as you want, as long as he's not in my way when I deliver the baby." I also had the theory that it was good for the baby to know that Daddy loved Mommy. I'm not sure our children ever actually recognized Daddy in utero, but they certainly must have known that SOMEBODY loved Mommy! In this episode, Our Hero is making love to both Pat and Julie; and when he withdraws from gravid Pat, more than his cum follows his cock. No - not the baby! Pat's water has broken, and the blessed event is underway. The story ends with cameo appearances to visit the newborn twins by numerous sexual playmates of the parents - Aunt Kate (who's having a good time with Pat and Julie's father in the guest room), Jake, Tanya, Midori, Alani, Sondra the cop, Daphne via telegram from France, and several others - see how many of the episodes you can recall in which these people appeared. ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 10 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> Celeste (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~> Links: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198490702 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= * "Teacher's Pets" by SarcasmX Email: wgungfu@alpha2.csd.uwm.edu This is the sort of thing I have been tempted to do with an occasional story; but I have been too polite. The person to whom I'll refer as the Commentator has taken an insipid adolescent fantasy and has inserted comments in parentheses to spice it up. The basic plot is the traditional story about the 33-year-old, horny, divorced teacher with a 38D breast size letting some guys from the football team work out in her basement gym and then taking them upstairs for a shower and post-game analysis. The Commentator's satire in parentheses is a lot harder to explain; so you should read it yourself. It was a lot of fun! ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 10 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 9 ~> Celeste (Appeal to Reviewer) 9 ~> Links: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198164069 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= * "Doppelganger" by Unknown Author. A doppelganger is a sort of a ghost that duplicates an existing person. For example, if there really were such a thing as a doppelganger, I could probably watch X-Files and still have time to read these stories and write these reviews. I would accomplish that by having my doppelganger watch the television, while I worked on the Internet. Of course, if I had a doppelganger, I'd be a damned fool to waste it on X-Files. Indeed, if I had a doppelganger, I guess I could - in a limited sense, of course - literally follow the advice of a very angry student and "go fuck myself!" I suppose not everyone can have a doppelganger. If doppelgangers were ubiquitous, the O.J. Simpson case would be even more confusing than it already is. Imagine that! Since I don't have a doppelganger (nor am I a doppelganger myself), I am unfamiliar with the TV show called "The X-Files." Based on what I have learned from the story, I would surmise that Scully and Mulder are FBI agents on that show. Scully is a very attractive doctor or medical technician of some kind, and Mulder is a very serious man who possesses a certain charm and some kind of paranormal powers. They apparently have a very straight, almost stoic relationship. I say this because the satire in this story seems to be directed toward the idea that it would be unusual for Scully to passionately jump Mulder's body. The key element of the story is that while they are attending a boring seminar at a university in Cathedral Hill, North Carolina, without the agent's knowledge Mulder's doppelganger makes passionate love to Scully two nights in a row, and then Scully is perplexed over the fact that her partner has no recollection of their mutual affection on the mornings after. As the story evolves, we learn a few additional interesting facts about doppelgangers. This was a very good, well-written story. A very good English teacher once told me that if I used a word correctly ten times it would be mine for life. I have now fulfilled that requirement, and so a doppelganger is now mine for life. I'll let you know if my sex life improves. ~> Athena (Technical & Grammar) 10 ~> Venus (Plot and Character) 10 ~> Celeste (Appeal to Reviewer) 10 ~> Links: http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198414746 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198414750 http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=198418601 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-= ~ Credits ~ =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Editors: BitBard Email: BitBard@bitbard.pair.com Web: http://bitbard.pair.com MissBehavin` Email: MissBehavin@missbehavin.pair.com Web: http://missbehavin.pair.com Reviewers / Contributors: Apuleius Email: Apuleius@poboxes.com Web: http://www.labyrinth.net.au/~mozart/info.html Jean Nick Email: nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk Web: http://www.asstr.ml.org/~Nick/ Sundance Email: sundance69@hotmail.com Web: http://extra.newsguy.com/~suntales/ Sven The Elder Email: sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk Web: http://www.asstr.ml.org/~sven Taltos Email: taltos82@hotmail.com -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-= End =-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-