Celestial Reviews 308 - Sept 30, 1998
Important note: For some reason, I have lost contact with Bitbard, who serves
as my LINK-finder. Somehow, his mail reaches me, but my mail does not seem to
be reaching him. I keep sending him the stories for which I need Links, and I
keep getting notes from him asking me when I am going to send him a request
for Links. I have no idea what is happening. Perhaps Bitbard will see this
message and contact me.
I am posting this issue without Links. If nothing else, this will emphasize
the value of Bitbard's contribution. As soon as he gives me the Links, I'll
repost this issue with the Links in place.
Note: Jon finds a pair of x-ray glasses at the local novelty shop. Although
Jon isn't fully convinced they'll really work, a sales person comes along and
closes the deal.
On his way home Jon puts on his new x-ray glasses, and bingo! He sees everyone
in the street naked. He takes the glasses off for a moment, and all the people
have their clothes on again. He puts the glasses back on, and everyone is
naked again.
"Cool!" exclaims Jon to himself.
When he arrives home, John is eager to show his new toy to his wife, but he
can't find her. When he goes up to the bedroom, he finds his wife and the
mailman naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked.
He puts them back on, and they are still naked.
"Damn!" he mutters, as he walks out of the room. "I just paid fifty bucks for
these things, and they're already broken!"
Second note: The Indian scout for the buffalo hunters, put his ear to the
ground. "Ugh!" he said. "Deer come!".
"How the heck can you tell that?" asked one of the hunters.
The scout answered, "Ear sticky!"
Third note: In accordance with royal custom, before Snow White and the Prince
were married she was examined by a gynecologist to assure her virginity. He
fund that her hymen was intact, but it had seven tiny dents.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
=====================
Celestial Reviews:
=====================
"Katie & Lyn series" by Gina Marie (ff emerging sexuality) 10, 10, 10
"Precious" by Crimson Dragon (really bad day) 10, 10, 10
"On Wilder Shores" by Adhara (déjà vu sex) 10, 10, 10
"Leyla & Majnuna" by Sista Shakespeare (ff passion) 10, 10, 10
"Receiving End" by pUSSEL (anal ff sex) 5, 7, 7
"How to Succeed in Chicago" by Wombat (friendly sex slavery) 8, 8, 8
"Island" by Janey Urquhart (really friendly bondage) 10, 10, 10
"Perfect Lover" by Friar Dave (hot science fiction) 10, 10, 10
"Wet" by November Tuesday (a woman scorned) 9, 8, 8
"Oral Interludes - An Odyssey in Frustration" by TomOne (oral sex)
9, 8, 8
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"The Lens as Mirror" by Adhara Rawcalyn (photography and sex).
MichaelD: 7, 7, 7
"Soccer Mom" by Alden Bradley (no-sex romance). Sven: 8, 8, 9
"The Navy Way" by Spoonbender (war and sex). Nick: 10, 10, 10
"The Needle and the Dungeon" by MichaelD (virtual sex). Jaybird: 10, 9, 7
"The Color of Her Hair" by Steve (sexual encounters). Story Writer: No rating,
but unfavorable impression
"Sex Poker" by Jan Williams (gambling for sex). Owl: 4, 4, 4
"When Summer Comes" by Hawk Richards (zipless fuck). Leanna: 8, 5, 5
"One Woman's Fantasy Fulfilled" by Beerfellow (one-night stand).
Crimson: 10, 9, 7
"Illusion" by Miss Behavin' (sex with boss's wife). Owl: 10, 10, 9
=====================
Reposted Stories:
=====================
* "March Twenty-First" by Crimson Dragon (hot dreamlike sex)
Peters: 10, 10, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333785276
*"The Gold Swizzle Stick" by Zombie Night (miscellaneous orgies) 9.5, 10, 10
==================
"Katie & Lyn series" by Gina Marie (an242967@anon.penet.fi).
A long time ago I posted a review of the first six chapters of this series.
This is a repost with the seventh chapter. As I reread the series, I was more
annoyed this time than previously by the occasional faulty grammar and
phraseology. However, as before, I simply forgave the author, because she
does such a good job of building anticipation and telling a sexy story. The
additional chapter focuses on the introduction of a third female into their
small circle of friends. It's really sexy stuff, and the rest of this review
is still valid.
In response to huge popular demand the author is reposting these stories about
two teenage girls (a high school freshman and a sophomore) who become
disenchanted with their boyfriends' immaturity and enchanted with one another.
This is the hottest girl/girl teen sex I can remember reading. It is hot not
because the descriptions are explicit (which is also true) but because the
author does such a good job of building anticipation. Just knowing what's
going on in Katie's mind makes the actual consummation more interesting and
enjoyable.
You don't have to be a lesbian to enjoy these stories. Too many young women
(and, I would assume, young men too) get the irrational feeling that stories
like this are dangerous because they might "become homosexuals" if they happen
to enjoy the action. Baloney. Any person with hormones who does not have
preset biases against these stories will enjoy them - just as any woman with
hormones would enjoy Lyn's hot lips caressing her pussy. The latter mode of
experimentation would certainly be ill advised for many young girls, but I
hardly think the same can be said for the former. Fantasy can be fun - and
understanding how *other* people react to sex can be informative. This advice
is probably extremely obvious to a large number of readers, but I think it
bears repeating. Neither enjoying the idea of homosexual stimulation or
engaging in and enjoying real-life homosexual activities on specific occasions
"makes" you a homosexual. Don't label yourself so easily; life is more
complicated than that. I myself have no intention of engaging in lesbian
sexual activities, because I am already devoted to a monogamous relationship.
However, I found these vivid descriptions of two people growing in love and
affection for each other to be intensely enjoyable.
Ratings for "Katie & Lyn"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Precious" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com).
This story could be described as the morose self-ruminations of a rejected
woman at the end of a bad day. Molested, fired, her ankle nearly broken, her
liquor gone, she now finds that her savings have been stolen by her live-in
boyfriend who has just dumped her. This story will not win the Good-Humor
Stroke Story of the Month Award.
Although it sucks as stroke material, this story is excellent as literature.
You know the sort of stuff you read to achieve a more complete insight into
life the stuff that lets you vicariously experience feelings and emotions
that, if you're lucky, will probably never happen to you.
This is one of those stories where I dislike the abbreviated labels that try
to classify it. My advice is to ignore them; just call this one (good story).
The author calls it depressing, but I wouldn't. Of course, you'll have to
read the story to decide whether "depressing" is an overstatement or an
understatement.
Ratings for "Precious"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"On Wilder Shores" by Adhara (eros_dreams@hotmail.com).
When I was growing up, "The Twilight Zone" was a big show. OK, so when I was
growing up reruns of "The Twilight Zone" were a big thing. The basic theme of
that TV series was that things happened to be people that just couldn't be
real could they?
This story is essentially an adult or promiscuous adolescent version of
"The Twilight Zone." All the erotic dreams that the protagonist has seem to
come true at the coffee shop the next day. That can't happen, can it?
Not only does this story have deja vu experiences; it also has crashing waves,
a rising tide, snaking hips, and a rising crescendo with fingernails digging
deep into the into the poor guy's shoulders moments before his release. What
more can you ask for?
Ratings for "On Wilder Shores"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Leyla & Majnuna" by Sista Shakespeare (sista_shakespeare@my-dejanews.com).
This story is told from the perspective of a bored nurse who is supervising
even more bored patients at some kind of a hospital. Well, that should throw
off the porn cops, who will assume this cannot possibly be hot stuff. They
would be wrong. The nurse is rerunning in her mind's eye her recent
activities with her lover, another woman with whom she shares a number of
lustful urges.
The author tells the tale vividly and passionately. I know I haven't told you
much. It's hard to summarize without ruining the story for you, but I
strongly recommend this story.
Ratings for "Leyla & Majnuna"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Receiving End" by pUSSEL (frederik.pileborg@swipnet.se).
Patricia, who brushes her hair vigorously every night before bed, comes home
to Jenny with a surprise a sextoy designed for a part of the anatomy with
which they had not previously experimented <wink>. In addition, she has got a
haircut.
The author tells us that the girls in this story wash their butts on a regular
basis. That's why there's no shit or foul smells. That's also a hint about
the plot of the story.
The author also tells us that he corrected this sentence before posting the
story: "With light nipples I followed her nipples up to her ear, taking her
nipple in my mouth and gently nippled on it." That's nice, but numerous errors
remain, including a reference to "extrem excertion of willpower," which could
easily have been corrected with a more careful proofreading. In addition, the
following sentence would have to involve mirrors, since Patricia is doing both
the smiling and the pushing: "Smiling back at Patricia, she pushed a little
harder, and suddenly the head slipped past my sphincter."
Abandoning my perspective as an English teacher, the author tries to achieve
verisimilitude by having the anal sex hurt like hell when it is done badly.
Not only that, but I have deliberately fucked up the previous sentence with a
dangling modifier. See! They really are worth avoiding.
Eventually they get the anal thing right and have pleasant sex together.
The author has a good idea here, but he should have developed it properly
instead of rushing it to press so quickly after it occurred to him. As it is,
we're left with an interesting idea instead of a good story.
Ratings for "Receiving End"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"How to Succeed in Chicago" by Wombat (Wombat888@ hotmail.com).
Our narrator is a female lawyer who has just finished a tough job in Chicago.
Her colleague, who has just demonstrated himself to be a competent
professional, convinces her to stay over in the Windy City instead of
returning to the Big Apple; and he also quickly proves himself to be a good
listener. Will he also prove himself to be a good lover? Well, at least he's
a very considerate person with a talent for foreplay and a genius for
cunnilingus. Hence, they are faced with a decision: Either he can show her
the high spots of the city, or they can make this weekend a sexual odyssey
as in exploring new dimensions in sex.
So she becomes his sex slave and really likes it.
It's a good story, but just a little too simplistic. I think the author
wanted to write something more than a simple stroke story but didn't quite get
to the point of fully developed characters. I suspect that people who are
already sold on the notion that women derive their main pleasure by following
the instructions of a friendly but dominating man may enjoy this story more
than those of us who harbor a little skepticism in this regard.
Ratings for "How to Succeed in Chicago"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Island" by Janey Urquhart (Janey98@hotmail.com).
Jim and Josh are just humble scientists, but they save Angela's life after she
has been drifting about in a life raft. I see a TV series in this….
Josh wants to send for help maybe even send her to a hospital but the more
experienced Jim gently reminds him that neither of them have had sex with a
woman in six months. And as near as I can figure there are no sheep or camels
on their island. So Angela recovers her health and feels grateful to the
guys, even though she longs for her beau George, who is somewhere else. She
figures she'll just make the best of things until Jim gets the radio fixed.
But Jim is pulling a Penelope with the radio. To understand that reference,
you'll have to check out the Odyssey, where the wife of the Wiley Odysseus
pursues a more honorable goal by undoing each day's needlework before the
following dawn.
The guys are studying El Nina or La Muchacha or something of that ilk. As the
plot thickens, they tell Angela that a tsunami is coming. This shows that the
author is scientifically literate, since she knows the difference between a
tidal wave and a tsunami. However, that's about where my knowledge ends. I
don't know for sure that you can predict these things really accurately or
that the best way to deal with one would be to shack up in a basement with two
sexy guys until the Big One comes and goes. But I suppose it would be worth a
try. I mean, it beats sacrificing a virgin….
But I digress. The story has lots of non-sexual details maybe too many.
But as I continued to read, I just KNEW that these three fine people were
going to do the wild thing together.
But alas! Angela has a conscience, one that puts her between the horns of a
dilemma, which is itself a pun-filled metaphor in this case. To put it
succinctly, the Guys know perfectly well that Angela wants to practice
horizontal folk dancing with them, but her inhibitions stand in her way she
doesn't want to be deliberately unfaithful to what's his name wherever he is.
What can they do? Well, remove her inhibitions, of course. How? Well, by
tying her up before they fuck her brains out.
And so a good time is had by all. A real good time. To put it mildly.
Ratings for "Island"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Perfect Lover" by Friar Dave (friar_dave@mhbbs.com).
The man is taking a train home to New York in a blizzard, when he is
essentially picked up by a beautiful young Swiss woman whom he invites to come
home with him. She is intelligent and charming and a veritable sex machine.
Literally.
Friar Dave has written numerous excellent stories, and it's always interesting
to see where he will go with the next one. This story did not let me down.
I'd ruin the story for you if I told you more about where this one goes. All
I'll say is that it goes someplace interesting. And the sex is as usual
hot and nicely described.
Ratings for "Perfect Lover"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Wet" by November Tuesday (november919@hotmail.com).
This story is written from the perspective of a woman who is upset because her
lover is interested in having sex with her solely for his own gratification.
She realizes that he really doesn't give a damn about her pleasure or her
feelings except as they relate to making him have a better time in the sack.
There's a lot of that sort of thing in the world. If you don't believe me,
just watch Jerry Springer.
In a cover letter the author said that of all her stories this one is closest
to her heart, because it really happened. The experience was really hurtful
to her, and she is justifiably proud of the way she dealt with it. She says
she is not a great fiction writer, but she knows a great story when she lives
through it.
Actually, the author is not all that far from being a really good writer. Her
emotions and insights are real and understandable. People who "have already
been there" will easily believe that they "know just what she means." The
problem is that the author (a) went through this experience, (b) was
enlightened by it, (c) wrote down just how she would describe her insights to
her lover, and (e) shared this narrative with us. What she omitted was (d),
putting the story into a framework that enables US to get a good look at the
situation. We are neither her nor her boyfriend, and the story doesn't quite
give us a basis for looking at what is happening.
I strongly urge authors to avoid the "I and you" narrative. It doesn't work
unless the author uses quotations really effectively or supplies some other
rationale such as letting us read the letters the protagonists are writing
to each other. As "I and you" narratives go, this one is pretty good. I
think the main thing this author could do to improve her writing is to look at
who her real audience is _when she posts the story to the public_.. As a
personal catharsis, this story is already almost perfect. As a short story,
it has room for improvement.
Ratings for "Wet"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Oral Interludes - An Odyssey in Frustration" by TomOne (TomOne@hotmail.com).
My husband is an ethical and honorable man right up there with George
Washington and Immanuel Kant; but he assures me that there are three times he
will always lie. The first is when his barber asks him for a political
opinion while the barber is holding a razor at his throat. The second is when
I ask him during sexual foreplay if he really loves me. He says that anyone
other than a damned fool would say yes in order to gain a blowjob like the
ones I give; and so if I want to discuss the nature of our relationship we had
better do it some time other than when my lips are surrounding his cock. The
third time he won't disclose to me. He says he thinks there should be some
mystery in our relationship.
The protagonist in this story answers yes to "Do you really love me?" and then
just as my husband predicted encounters the "Would you tell me you loved
me even if you didn't right now just to get me to continue giving you oral
sex?"
Eventually the guy in the story waxes eloquent: "Listen you're obviously
having doubts about providing me oral gratification tonight! And I'm
certainly not one to force someone to perform such an act unless it's given
with total willingness and without reservations. So, why don't you just stop
for now … let's just sit back and let me regain my composure for a few moments
… and then maybe we can talk about your concerns over this whole subject
matter!"
Bad idea. Take my husband's advice and lie. My husband assures me that in
the original Greek or Hebrew of the Bible there are specific exceptions that
state it's OK to lie about three things. Now I've got myself wondering about
what that third thing is.
Ratings for "Oral Interludes"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Lens as Mirror" by Adhara Rawcalyn (eros_dreams@hotmail.com). Guest
review by MichaelD.
The narrator, who goes unnamed, is a married 43-year-old woman; her husband is
a professional photographer who specializes in artistic nudes. The spark
seems to have long since gone out of their marriage, until the day she has him
take a formal shot for her company brochure. Putting his wife, for once, in
place of the "nineteen-year-old nymphs I'd grown to hate," he discovers a side
of her he hasn't seen before. Enraptured with the images, he decides to
exhibit them, and does so to general acclaim. After the gallery opening, they
return home and make love like they haven't since they were newlyweds.
The idea for this story is certainly interesting and fresh, but the execution
is lacking in some spots. Too much is told rather than shown, especially the
elements of their marriage. During the photo shoot, as the husband makes
surprised comments, the narrator gives us a running explanation of what they
mean to her. I think the story would have been more effective with an opening
scene (before the photo shoot) to help us appreciate the state of their
relationship.
I also found the photo shoot scene abbreviated, especially since it forms the
basis for the entire story. Just as we're beginning to understand the
emotions of the situation, it ends.
Another problem I had was that the author blithely jumps over the several-
month gap between the photo shoot and the galley opening. What happens during
this time, after the husband has unexpectedly rediscovered his wife? We
aren't told, and the effect is somewhat jarring. As a married man myself, I
find it difficult to believe that having suddenly realized that his wife is
just as beautiful as his models, the husband would wait months before acting
on it.
The author certainly exerted herself in this story, but at times it seemed to
me like she was working too hard. Some of the diction is more ornate and
extravagant than it needs to be, sometimes leaving the emotions of the scenes
overloaded. And, in trying so hard to write elegantly, the author misses a
few glaring grammatical errors (run-ons and dangling participles) that detract
from the story's effect.
I do like this story. It's nice to see something interesting and erotic that
doesn't involve hardbodied teenagers, and the theme (that older woman can be
as beautiful as younger ones) is a healthy one. I think, however, that this
could have been much better. With a little extra work in revision, it could
be a memorable piece.
Ratings for "The Lens as Mirror"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
MichaelD (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Soccer Mom" by Alden Bradley (zzztopper@aol.com). Review by Sven the Elder,
who may be contacted at Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk.
I read this story a little over a week ago when it was published and had mixed
feelings over it when I did so. It's a story that doesn't have sex in it,
which makes it slightly difficult to review objectively on our ng, given its
title and remit.
This is a bittersweet story of life and meetings and new beginnings. Two
single folks meet at their children's football games, talk and find through
their children's friendships that they too have things in common. They profess
their love for each other and the story ends, perhaps a little abruptly, with
the hint of the promise to come.
The story is put together well, but does not really belong here. I get the
feeling that there is an element of recounting a true to life situation, but
that the author either didn't wish to or felt he could not go into the more
graphic details that this ng is a little more used to.
I enjoyed the story; and the promise that might be left me interested and
perhaps looking forward to the next part of their growing relationship. It
would be nice if the author comes up with parts two and maybe three. I would
welcome that. I think the story as it stands is unfinished.
Ratings for "Soccer Mom"
Athena (technical quality): 08 - Nothing outstanding.
Venus (plot & character): 08 - more to be developed and to come.
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 09 - Gentle and hesitant, the story should be
expanded.
"The Navy Way" by Spoonbender (Theodore@Spoonbender.demon.co.uk). Review by
Nick (Nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk)
I thought this was a really good read.
The scenario was a well drawn, set in some future time when Britain goes to
war with Libya over the shooting down of a 737 by Gadhaffi's mob. The
destroyer HMS Leopard forms part of a task force sent, Falklands style, to
exact British revenge on the wrongdoers.
On board this ship is one Midshipman (not Midshipwoman) Lucy Anstruthers who,
it turns out, is the sole survivor when a sea-skimming missile blows Leopard
out of the water. Here, a little unfortunately, I was reminded of one of our
comedians, Kenny Everett (now deceased), who used to do a caricature of a
Hollywood starlet of dubious talent describing her latest film - always ending
with the words "And all my clothes fell off!" Yes, sadly the explosion that
sinks Leopard also blows poor Lucy's clothes off! She is, of course, captured
by the Libyans who torture and rape her, turning her from noble warrior to
whore, before she is rescued by our victorious task force.
For me the main criticism of the story is that not enough is made of the
character of Lucy. Little attempt is made to get inside her head. We know who
she is and her background, but we are not to know much about how she as a
character takes the ordeal that is imposed on her (apart of course from the
fear and pain that anyone would experience in this situation).
The main emphasis of this story is the war rather than Lucy's ordeal.
Therefore if you don't like rape stories but do like war stories you may enjoy
this one. If you are the reverse (like rape, but hate war) then you may find
it a little tame.
My ratings (excuse the pun!) are:
Technique 9
Plot/character 8
Appeal 9
Celestial standards dictate:
Athena (Technique): 10
Venus (Plot/character) 10
Appeal 10
"The Needle and the Dungeon" by MicjaelD (MichaelD38@aol.com). Guest review
by Jaybird.
I'm struggling a little to figure out what I want to say about the latest
effort from MichaelD - "The Needle and the Dungeon," so forgive me if I ramble
for a minute here.
In the last few months, this author has posted some of the best stories I've
ever read on Usenet: "Sunset on Roses", "Swimming Upstream", "Summer Camp",
"Orange County: Babylon", and "Playing with Fire". (I may have missed one
here or there.) I've read them all, and they are all excellent stories, with
"Sunset" and "Swimming" on my personal list of all-time favorites. MichaelD
has an exquisite gift for detail that is rare among ASS's authors. The
settings and environments he creates are often intricate, and never fail to
capture my interest. If I have a criticism, and it's only a nit, it is that
sometimes his characters lack depth. There's plenty of wonderful, descriptive
detail about them and about what happens to them, but, in some of his work, I
think they suffer in comparison to his masterful work with settings. However,
I'm really having to split hairs here in my search to find some element of his
work that isn't truly excellent. And in "Sunset" and "Swimming", I'd be hard
pressed to criticize his characters at all.
Anyway, back to "Needle." As he notes in his introductory text, this story is
a significant departure from his other works, in that it delves into
Bondage/S&M/Torture themes that he has essentially avoided until now. Despite
the departure in the theme, I'm happy to report that, in general, this is a
typical MichaelD story: the attention to detail is amazing. The story is set
in the not-too-distant future, and involves virtual reality themes inspired by
Celeste's recent contest. As low-key science fiction, MichaelD has done a
superb job with this story - every aspect of technology used therein has been
updated in a very realistic fashion - from advances in artificial intelligence
(AI) to neurology to fire-fighting to telecommunications to transportation to
architecture and more. I'm a science fiction fan, and the level of technical
realism in this story approaches what I'd expect from sci-fi authors such as
Niven, Asimov, or Kim Stanley Robinson. (High praise from me!) Yet, except
for the virtual reality and AI technology, which play central roles in the
story, all the technology is used matter-of-factly (as it should be, IMO).
The story revolves around three principle characters: Dr. David Nelson,
Ashley MacMillan, and Jasmine. Dr. Nelson is a brilliant and arrogant
neurologist/bioelectrical engineer/computer scientist, whose bioelectrical
technology, called NEEDLe, can be used to augment or replace the human nervous
system. His invention has made him the richest man in the world, which has
allowed him to indulge his sexual fantasies regarding S&M/Torture themes by
giving him the resources to create a beyond-state-of-the-art virtual reality
lab. In his lab, using a combination of his own technology and the most
advanced computer systems, he creates fantastically real sexual fantasy
environments, including a "dungeon" of fifteen exponentially increasing
pain/pleasure scenarios. He has a small circle of teenage "street" girls that
use the lab's facilities and with whom he occasionally participates in the
sexual fantasies.
Ashley is an eighteen-year old daughter of two very wealthy, but essentially
uncaring parents. Her father is never around, and her mother doesn't really
care what her daughter is up to. Ashley, while still a virgin, has some
powerful, burgeoning masochistic fantasies of her own. While poking around on
a bondage-themed internet chat room, she meets "Nastygirl", one of Dr.
Nelson's "girls", who proceeds to tell Ashley about the lab. Ashley's
curiosity is provoked, and she is drawn into the good doctor's world.
Jasmine is an artificial intelligence that Dr. Nelson purchased to help him
create and run the lab. She exists only in her electronic or VR environments,
but she is a fully realized character with her own personality. She and the
doctor appear to be in love as much as an electronic and physical pair can be.
Jasmine is the one that controls the events in the virtual environment, based
on the scenarios the doctor has created. She also interacts with the
characters outside of the virtual environment through conversation and video
screens.
As Ashley becomes more and more interested in Dr. Nelson's world, both real
and virtual, she withdraws from her home and school life. The story of her
transition and the complications of the triangle of David, Jasmine, and
herself form the basis for the story's plot.
Okay - that's more than enough summary. How do I feel about this story - that
is the question. Well, as erotica, it's a departure for me. I've never been
interested in this genre of stories, so I don't have a lot to compare it to,
and I can't say that the S&M stuff in "Needle" had very much appeal for me.
In fact, if this story had been written by almost any other author, I probably
would have passed on it. Some of the tamer, more "vanilla" sexual fantasies -
and some of the actual, real-life sex - was pretty good, but that's not the
core of this work, and I wouldn't recommend this story to folks looking
primarily for that type of activity. You kind of need a strong stomach for
some of the stuff here. If BDSM stuff is up your alley, I'd recommend
checking this story out, but I can't comment on how it will compare to other
pieces due to my lack of experience here.
As a story, it has its strengths and weaknesses. The majority of the action
takes place in the virtual environment - at least, that's my impression. Take
that away, and the actual events left are fairly routine stuff - and not up to
this author's standards. I never felt like I got a good understanding for why
and how David and Ashley's relationship developed. She falls in love, but why
with him? Because he was there, apparently. Or maybe because he provided
these amazing experiences for her. Whatever the reason, I didn't feel it was
adequately developed. And I understand David's admiration for Ashley's
internal strength and resolve, and his attraction to her, but what is the
origin of his love? Interestingly, the most well thought-out character is
probably the non-corporeal Jasmine. I felt like I understood her and her
motivations and actions much more clearly than the other two principals.
So, what do we have in total? Clean, precise grammar and spelling, as always
for this author. Fantastically detailed environments, both real and virtual,
created with a keen eye for near-term sci-fi - absolutely superb. Reasonably
hot sex - and lots of bondage/torture/pain etc. (Although, please note that
all the rough stuff does happen in the virtual environments, which definitely
eased my squick factor.) A fairly routine plot and only average character
development - certainly below average for this author.
I'm being a little harsh here, because I'm holding MichaelD up to the
standards he's set in his earlier works. Certainly, the plot and character
work in "Needle" is way above the average for an ASS story, but I sure wish
he'd given us characters as interesting as the world he created about them.
I eagerly await MichaelD's next effort - "Virgin Mary." And, if you want a
good read in a more routine and romantic vein, he's recently reposted "Sunset
on Roses" and "Summer Camp" to ASSM. "Summer Camp" is excellent. "Sunset on
Roses" is a classic. In Celestial style, my ratings for "The Needle and the
Dungeon" would be:
Athena (technical quality): 10 (barely a flaw in a 50,000+ word story)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (I'm biasing this up for the amazingly
detailed world presented here. If I was strictly staying to plot
and character, I'd probably drop down to a 7 or so. Low for this
author.)
Jaybird (appeal to reviewer): 7 (Really high from me for a bondage/
torture story.)
"The Color of Her Hair" by Steve (Steve1044@aol.coim). Guest review by The
Story Writer.
"The Color of Her Hair" is lacking on almost all counts. Not much happens,
really. After an irrelevant initial incident, boy meets girl. Some barely
plausible and uninteresting dialogue follows and boy and girl go back to her
apartment for sex. One premature ejaculation and one bumbled coitus
interruptus later, the girl is angry and the boy is out.
This has the feel of a "true" story in the worst sense. It has no plan.
Although the author seems to like red hair, it is not germane to the action.
The initial incident has nothing to do with the remainder of the story and the
dialogue leading up to the sex is unrelated to the ending. There is no
distance between author and first person narrator, no rising tension and no
(literary) climax.
Technically, there are grammatical errors in the dialogue that are not
justified by the speakers' characters -- these are supposed to be college
students. The author, or someone's word processor, has eliminated all the
paragraph marks. Finally (a failing of 99.99% of all the stories I read)
sentences are not separated by TWO spaces as Athena decrees.
Oddly, a couple of other stories on "Steve's" website are not bad. I wonder
what happened to his story this time out.
{No rating}
"Sex Poker" by Jan Williams (janwill89@hotmail.com). Guest review by Watchful
Owl.
A woman invents a new version of poker in which the participants bet for
sexual favors. It's a concept ripe with cliche', and doesn't offer anything
new.
Errors in language and punctuation abound. The flow of the story is confusing,
the characters are absolutely cardboard, and the sex is nothing special. In
the last couple of pages, the quality improves, but it's too little, too late.
Avoid Sex Poker.
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot and character): 4
Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 4
"When Summer Comes" by Hawk Richards (HawkRds@aol.com). Guest review by
Leanna. {This review means only my opinion, and _NOTHING MORE_. }
My major beef with this story is that it was unoriginal. The theme has been
done before, extensively, in alt.sex.stories. The plot is this: a young,
virile stud working for the summer before he has to go back to school. He
turns into a peeping tom. She spots him watching one day, and. :) So that
right there is the plot score. I haven't been doing reviews for Celeste too
long, but I think that the only stories that deserve a '10' in the Venus aisle
are the ones that did something truly unique with their storylines and/or were
especially masterful in creating believable characters.
But, as far as stories go, it wasn't too badly written. The pacing of the
story was a little bit off, and there were a couple of grammatical errors, but
nothing horrible. That explains the Athena score.
And last but not least, appeal to me. Well, it didn't appeal to me that
greatly. There was nothing outstanding about this story. To be fair to the
author, in case Hawk Richards is wondering exactly where it went wrong -- is
perhaps the generalization that all rich, seclusive bitches are incredibly
beautiful, sexual dominatrixes. It could be nice for a quick stroke for you,
but it didn't work for me. Everyone is different, though -- revel in it!
But, I do have to give this story some credit. I don't think this is what the
author intended, but I think it does well to show the rudiments of casual sex
-- the zipless fuck. Nobody expects anything past the moment out of each
other, and sometimes, they aren't even concerned about anything beyond their
own pleasure.
Ratings for "When Summer Comes"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot and characterization): 5
LeAnna (appeal to reviewer): 5
Review of "One Woman's Fantasy Fulfilled" by Beerfellow
(ek972@cleveland.freenet.edu) (Reposted by John Dark). Guest review by
Crimson Dragon.
Imagine, if you will, a one-night stand. But not a regular one. One where you
haven't seen the other partner. And your first view of your partner will be a
view of your naked bodies softly touching. Intriguing? Or exceptionally scary?
Perhaps a mixture?
This story explores this one-night stand, and the attendant emotions. This is
not your average one-night stand, but I'm not really sure I want to get into
all the sexual details for risk of ruining the story. What it does have is a
brush with deeper emotions - more so than your average wham-bam one-night
stand. This is planned, and accepted by both partners. This is a tender story
of lovemaking told in an unusual way.
A word of warning. It took me a while to get into this story. There really
wasn't any "hook" to grab my attention, and without story codes, I had no idea
what to expect. But after the initial awkwardness, I found I got used to the
style and was able to read a little more fluidly.
The most distinctive stylistic element to this story was that it was written
in first person from two people's perspectives. We get the woman's point of
view, and the man's - both presented in first person. I'm not quite sure if
that was distracting, or whether it was an effective technique. I'll let you
as readers decide that for yourselves. I thought it was rather unique, and the
fact that I'm not slamming it probably means that it worked, to my great
surprise. It kind of felt like I was watching a documentary, though ... we all
know the type ... where it flips between eye witness accounts from different
perspectives. The author does a decent job of differentiating the personas in
a variety of ways. The technique is not as confusing as it might have been
with less care.
>From a grammatical standpoint, there were a very few problems. Unfortunately
for this author, the very first "sentence" was the classic grammatical problem
of an incomplete sentence. And it wasn't intentional. That didn't bode well
for the story, normally I'd put it down right away assuming the worst, but I'm
here to tell you that beyond a few dropped words, the English in the story
wasn't terrible enough to detract from the story. In fact, I'm only giving it
a 9 because it wasn't quite perfect. Not fair to put this story into the same
category with some of the tens I've seen recently. It truly wasn't bad in this
department, but it could use some improvement. I didn't notice any spelling
problems. I also didn't take off marks for the double first person technique,
just to be clear.
The characters seemed real enough, the author did a reasonable job of
developing them. There is an inherent difficulty, at least I find, in
developing a character in a one-night stand/e-mail meeting in real life story.
By the very nature, there is a tendency to miss a number of important facets
to a person's personality. However, I think the author did a remarkably good
job of developing his characters considering the limitations of the storyline.
I had some trouble identifying with the characters, but that could have been
just me. The characters had some traits that I personally found, um,
undesirable, and that could cloud my judgment here. That doesn't mean that
other readers would be bothered by the same traits, and it doesn't mean that
the author did a bad job of characterisation.
My only real complaint was the author's overuse of "stroke" type language to
describe the sex. The story didn't seem to suit it. I guess I'm not one for
clichés, and the like. On the other hand, the sex wasn't badly portrayed
either. I just found that the descriptions jarred a little with the overall
tone of the story.
I thought this was a reasonably well-written fantasy. The sex was well
described (if a little too described for my tastes). The characters seemed
real enough. The technical skill of the author made it an enjoyable read after
I managed to get into the story and resolve the different style of it.
Lastly an explanation of the appeal mark below. This simply wasn't my type of
story. It didn't push my buttons. That isn't the fault of the author this
time. The sexual descriptions and my personal lack of identification with the
characters explain the 7 below. This shouldn't be used to judge the story or
indicate any particular lack on the part of the author. Many other readers,
I'm sure, would have given this story a 9 or even a 10. Numbers without
context mean little, especially in this case.
Ratings for "One Woman's Fantasy Fulfilled":
Athena (technical) : 9
Venus (character & plot) : 10
Crimson (appeal) : 7
"Illusion" by Miss Behavin' (missbehavin@sprint.ca). Guest review by Watchful
Owl.
I'm annoyed with myself that I didn't see the ending coming. It's pretty
predictable, in hindsight.
But I didn't, and I enjoyed every second of this read. It was well written
(not a single grammatical or structural error in the whole thing!) and the
characters were quite believable.
The plot features an aspiring young lawyer being asked by her boss to sleep
with his wife for a large sum of money. She decides to do it, and we're off
into a well-done (if somewhat formulaic) plot. However, the ending was a bit
of a turnoff, so it doesn't get full points.
Give "Illusion" a read. You won't be sorry.
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot and character): 10
Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "March Twenty-First" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review
by Stephen Peters (sxjames@aol.com).
This story opens with the protagonist (Lori) having left her lover (Heather)
to return home to a cold and lonely apartment. Lori misses Heather something
fierce -- she needs her lover's body badly, if for no other reason than to
keep her warm on a cold and snowy winter's evening. Well, as luck would have
it, as Lori drifts off to sleep she finds her heat (both kinds) by entering a
phantasmagorical, druid-like dream world of chanting women, warm fire and cold
stone. After a short, sexy encounter with a woman who is/isn't Heather, Lori
can no longer contain her desire so she rushes back to Heather's
apartment...and to a rather surprising ending to her night's adventure.
This story idea has all the makings of an very entertaining read. The soft,
semi-conscious realm between wakefulness and sleep is a great setting for a
fantasy of this type, and the author did an admirable job as the tour guide.
The various settings were well described, I was able to connect with Lori's
distress, and the dreamlike atmosphere was sustained throughout. In
particular, the transition between the cold apartment in winter and Lori's
dream/fantasy world was startlingly good -- probably the best image in the
piece.
Unfortunately, the storytelling itself was marred by a writing style that kept
me (the reader) from establishing a strong narrative voice. The repeated use
of sentence fragments and single words to indicate Lori's thoughts kept my
narrative 'head-voice' from achieving any sustained rhythmic flow. For this
reader (and I should emphasize "this reader"), establishing that flow is
crucial. More seriously, the ambiguous use of the pronoun 'she' in the
paragraph that introduced the names of the dream characters had me associating
"Akana" and "She-al" with the wrong people -- a very frustrating experience.
Finally, as a reader I would liked to have seen a better-described sex scene
between Lori and the dream women. The setting was all there, but the heat
wasn't.
>From a purely technical standpoint (grammar, spelling, punctuation) the story
rates a ten -- I don't think I can take off points for the pronoun problem.
Plot and character (or rather, the story idea itself) is this tale's strong
suit -- again, a ten. For the above-mentioned reasons "appeal to reviewer"
rates a six.... but understand that all my reviews come with this disclaimer:
Numbers mean nothing without context -- read the damned review.
Ratings for "March Twenty-First"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
* "The Gold Swizzle Stick" by Zombie Night (ZombieNight@hotmail.com).
This was originally posted under the title "Behind the Bar" as one of those
rather lengthy postings by TheEditor, also known as Grobert, who posts stories
with the names of the original authors deleted. My current information is
that this story was written in 1994 by Zombie Night, whose address is given
above, and who has also written several other long, fully-developed stories.
This story focuses on a common a.s.s. theme: if a husband and wife are having
a little trouble in their relationship, one of them should run around on the
other, and this will cause them to become closer in their matrimonial bliss.
In this case, Brandy has become insatiably hungry for sex because her husband
has been out of town for a few days while he is studying for the bar.
{Actually, he's learning how to RUN a bar; but I thought it would be clever to
make it sound like he was studying law.} After Dave the Bartender fucks
Brandy, he suggests a way that they can expand the bar's clientele while
simultaneously allaying Brandy's horniness. This strategy is immensely
successful, and when the harried husband returns home unexpectedly and finds
Brandy flagrante delicto, he smiles happily and eagerly offers to supply a
similar service to gladden the hearts of the female customers.
As I reread the preceding description, the story sounds a bit far-fetched. I
mean, Dave and Brandy come across as counselors or social service agents who
selflessly solve the problems of their sexually dysfunctional or otherwise
needy customers. In real life it would be at least slightly unlikely that
Brandy's activity would solidify her relationship with her husband, that Dave
would suggest his plan to Brandy when he could instead get a lot of really
good sex himself, or that the patrons of the bar would simply cheer for the
lucky winners when Dave obviously cheated in his distribution of Brandy's
favors. However, this really is a good fantasy, and the sexual action is
really hot.
Ratings for "The Gold Swizzle Stick"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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