Celestial Reviews 295 - July 22, 1998
Note: As seen in Ann Landers column July 16, 1998:
Men think computers should be referred to as females just like ships
because:
1) No one but the Creator can understand their internal logic.
2) The language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3) The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as
"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, I'm certainly not going to tell
you."
4) Your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
5) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
---------------
Women think computers should be referred to as male. Here's why:
1) They have a lot of data, but they are still clueless.
2) They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half of the
time, they ARE the problem.
3) As soon as you commit to one, you realize if you had waited a
little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4) In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5) A big power surge will knock them out for the rest of the night.
Second note: Remember the Fourth Celestial Story Contest:
<<contest>> <<contest>> <<contest>> <<contest>>
About 50 years ago Ray Bradbury wrote a story called "The Veldt." In that
story a family has a nursery for their children that includes what we would
now call a virtual reality playroom. When the children go into the playroom,
they get the authentic feeling of being in an actual veldt - a jungle area
populated by mysterious and dangerous animals. Complications arise when the
playroom takes on a life of its own - when the virtual reality becomes more
real than virtual. You can imagine what happens when Mom and Dad decide to
close down the playroom - or you can read the story (which is in Bradbury's
book entitled "The Illustrated Man) to see how Bradbury handles the ending.
Your job is to write a story based on the general premise of a virtual reality
playroom. Feel free to change almost everything. You can have adults rather
than children, and you don't need non-human animals at all. In fact, it might
be best not to even look at Bradbury's story at all - let your own imagination
have full play. Bradbury's story is actually a Frankenstein story with a
moral - what happens when we fail to understand technology and its
limitations? Your story doesn't have to be like that at all. You don't even
need to know that Bradbury himself once said that "man's machines are indeed
symbols of his most secret cravings and desires, extra hands put out to touch
and interpret the world."
Post your stories as you feel they are ready. Send me a copy. Deadline is
August 24.
<<contest>> <<contest>> <<contest>> <<contest>>
Third note: Is there anyone out there who would like to review the receently
reposted story entitled "Picket Fences"? My opinion is that it would be best
that the reviewer be a fan of the series. Contact me if you are interested.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
=====================
Celestial Reviews:
=====================
"Funeral" by John K (quickie) 10, 9, 9
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12776.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731938
"Sweet Inspiration" by Shelby Bush (romance) 10, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13062.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371795800
"Porch" by Crimson Dragon (ff romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12213.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363256015
"Shopping" by Sam (exhibitionism) 7, 4, 4
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13075.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371795879
"The Cruelest Month" by Hawkeye (relationships) 10, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13185.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872667
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Remember the Alamo" by Rob4Play (sexual rendezvous). Myers: 7.
{Unarchived}
"The Shower" by Tiramisu (shower sex). R'khaan: 4, 4, 4
{Unarchived}
"A Matter of Need" by Watcher (deep emotions). Sven: 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13034.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13035.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13036.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371386277
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371386285
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371386299
"Journey into Sexual Awareness" by Desdemona22 (housewife turns
slut). Gandmar: really bad
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12880.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=370017287
"Sweets Stories: Shower Part 1" by Sweets1140 (multiple shower
masturbation). BillyG: 6, 6, 5
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12608.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367459539
"Private Dancer" by Steven A. Black (sex with a stripper). BitBard:
10, 9, 9
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13179.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=373022527
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "April Showers" by Hawkeye (college showerroom sex).
BillyG: 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/year98/13183.txt
=====================
On this day in Celestial History
Celestial Reviews 102 - July 24, 1996
=====================
* "Fleeing Gods" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (sex with a god)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=170525220
* "Crossing The Line" by Ann Douglas (sex life of porn writer)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355289396
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355294449
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355294460
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355294456
* "The Rocks" by Mark Aster (childhood) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=242335937
==================
<<<The Reviews>>>
==================
"Funeral" by John K (jsk123@pdq.net).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12776.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=368731938
"I'm not sure how she managed to convince her father to let her wear that
dress to a funeral, but I was glad she had." When she gets up to take a leak
during the service, she winks and nods to the back of the church. Hmmm...
Gives new meaning to the phrase "belief in an afterlife," doesn't it?
Perhaps the narrator offers the best summary: "Best blowjob I've ever had,
wants me to fuck her in the ass, and she's a virgin. In a church, at a
funeral. This has got to be a dream!"
Ratings for "Funeral"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
=====================
"Sweet Inspiration" by Shelby Bush.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13062.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371795800
Because of the death of his wife, Shelby Bush stopped posting stories on
a.s.s. about a year ago. He's back with a "true interlude" about his romance
with Beverly, a long-time friend who has recently become a lover.
This is not really an outstanding story - yet; but it concludes with a cryptic
"--- not the end ---." And so we may yet see a fully developed story.
However, even in its present incomplete format this story will be enjoyable to
people who have followed Shelby's writings on this newsgroup and who will be
glad to hear from him again.
Ratings for "Sweet Inspiration"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
=====================
"Porch" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12213.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363256015
This author has written several very good stories recently. You can add this
one to that list.
Michelle and Lara are professional women. Michelle is on the verge of
becoming a partner in her law firm, but she sees life as devoid of the beauty
and enthusiasm it should have. Lara has just broken up with her boyfriend.
While comforting her friend, Michelle spontaneously expresses her love for her
and scares her off. The main focus of the story is on the fear and other
emotions that go through Michelle's mind as she tries to make sense out of
this dangerous but beautiful new relationship. The scene in which they first
consummate their love is extremely sexy and touching.
Ratings for "Porch"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
=====================
"Shopping" by Sam (tievol@hotmail.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13075.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371795879
I suspect Sam doesn't give a damn whether I like his story or not. But I read
this entry expecting to find a story, and so I think I'll go ahead and write a
review to help someone else avoid the same mistake.
What we have here is an IDEA for a story. Two people like to have sex where
they might get caught. And so they do. Have sex that is - not get caught.
Twice.
My suggestion to Sam is to develop a story with a focus. Sam himself probably
sees this story in a richer context than the one he wrote it in. He should
share that context with us. As it is, this story is analogous to telling some
funny things that happened instead of telling a joke. The difference is that
the joke has a build-up and a climax - it's a story instead of a list of
events.
Ratings for "Shopping"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
=====================
"The Cruelest Month" by Hawkeye.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13185.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=372872667
This is a follow-up to "April Showers," to which BillyG gave high ratings back
in CR 272. I'll repost that review. Both stories are a part of Hawkeye's
"Seasons," and somebody named doogiewoodburner has reposted all seven stories
in this series. Good Doggie!
In this episode Sam is trying to have a long-term relationship with Lisa, but
he boinks Julie again in the shower one fine Sunday morning. The title refers
to the fact that "breaking up is hard to do." Or, as T.S. Eliot more aptly
put it in The Waste Land
April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Of course, the previous story in this series {April Showers} was a play on the
words by the more popular but less known poet who wrote
April showers
Bring May flowers.
I've come to two realizations. First, the reason college tuition is so high
is that college guys spend so much time in the showers with the hot water
running while they masturbate or occasionally play sex games with their lady
friends. Second, although this story is not all that good as a stand-alone,
the overall "Seasons" series is an excellent story of a young man's sexual
odyssey.
So if you read this story at all, read it in the right order with the rest in
the series. And thanks again, doogiewoodburner.
Ratings for "The Cruelest Month"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
=====================
"Remember the Alamo" by Rob4Play (Rob4Play@aol.com). Guest review by Dave
Myers.
{Unarchived}
When a writer knows how to express his own enthusiasm, it makes up for a lot.
Synopsis: A traveling salesman makes a date with his regular thang on his way
through Texas. She's hot to trot, as usual.
When writing for the "encounter" type of story, the most important thing is
the early hook to make the reader know, understand, and like the characters.
Oh, yeah, and to make them want to wait around until they get fucked. Here,
the author almost gets the right dosage of pre-sex story-building, but still
undershoots by a tad. Still, he's playful and game about the whole thing, and
as I said before, that makes up for a lot. I mean, how many stories feature a
cockprint made on paper and inked in lipstick ?
But there are some improvements that can be made in the general style of the
writing. The writer needs to decide earlier on how far he wants us to
"believe" the story. The level of detail is very inconsistent. I'm left unsure
whether to believe this is a fantasy world filled with people from this world
or a "real" world filled with fantasy people. Now, perhaps that is the point
of the story anyway, but in an encounter so brief, there is no time to get
sucked in, to get into the characters' rhythms. So, the story needs to make up
its mind sooner about how convincing it needs to be.
Rating: 7
=====================
"The Shower" by Tiramisu (no address). Guest Review by R'khaan
(rkhaan@ix.netcom.com)
{Unarchived}
So, we have Sara and Jim, middle-aged parents who find themselves without
children one night. Sara's a little cranky because Jim's been off his feed of
late, being rather stingy with the one-eyed wonder worm. While pondering her
daughter's relationship with a new boyfriend, Sara undresses and heads for the
bathroom to speak to Jim.
To her surprise, Jim's in the shower doing the knuckle shuffle; and Sara is
suddenly very angry that he can find time to do himself but not her. As she
watches her husband stroke himself into a pending orgasm, Sara finds she's
becoming very excited at the scene before her. Girlfriend's hypnotized as Jim
continues to massage himself and, despite herself, calls out to her husband.
At least Jim tries to play things off, not that Sara buys it.
Sara manages to surprise herself by suggesting that Jim can finish what he was
doing - but he can't come until she says so. Jim agrees and allows Sara to
blindfold him, as his wife's presence seemed to unnerve him.
Now blindfolded, Jim proceeds to do as Sara bids, and Sara's really getting
her cookies off on being able to control her hubby, as well as the sight of
Jim really going for what he knows. Sara gets off and allows Jim to get off
and that's the show.
This story was cute, if not very original.
Celestial Ratings for "The Shower"
R'khaan (technical quality): 4
R'khaan (plot & character): 4
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer): 4
"A Matter of Need" by Watcher (llxzt@hotmail.com). Review by Sven the Elder,
who may be contacted at Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13034.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13035.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/13036.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371386277
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371386285
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=371386299
This story is a simple one - it deals with the trauma of a devoted married
couple, one of whom dies, and the subsequent trials and tribulations the
surviving partner goes through as his friends attempt his rehabilitation.
Now consider that the above synopsis is like saying that either St Paul's
Cathedral in London and the Capitol in Washington are just buildings. This
story is a tear jerker - I don't mind admitting that at the end I cried -
sentimental old fool that I am! Using colours to describe the changing mood
and turmoil in the mind of the main character is a masterpiece of writing. It
portrays what is almost an exorcism superbly. There are others who can
probably vouch for the accuracy of the mood swings and feelings, better than
I. Without actually having undergone the sort of agony portrayed, I can only
imagine the situation - Watcher, for me has captured those feelings with
total clarity of description.
I have been deliberately a little cagey in the depictions and synopsis;
saying too much would detract from the story itself, that I most certainly do
not wish to do.
Finally I feel that I just read *my* story of '98. It will be a remarkable
one that comes along to displace this from *my* number one. It *should* be in
the top ten for the year at the very least. If you read no other stories from
this set of reviews, this has to be the one.
As to the ratings - this is the first story I have read that I genuinely feel
is outside the rating structure, it is that good. However to comply:-
Ratings for "A Matter of Need"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Journey into Sexual Awareness" by Desdemona22 (desdmona22@aol.com). Guest
review by Mary Jorsay Gandmar. (maryjg@finebody.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12880.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=370017287
This one has it all: passive voice, hackneyed cliches, hashed metaphors,
laboured humour, no plot, no characterization, clumsy language and, worst of
all, not a vestige of eroticism - everything, in fact, except style and
substance. The by-line is just plain silly: "written by an adult for an adult
in an adult fashion". Indeed.
The writing is plain bad: so much so that I found myself cringing, every line
an assault. "We had experimented a little and when I say experimented I mean
in an old-fashioned petri dish sort of way, let's put this on top of this and
see what develops after awhile." Awhile? The OED says "awhile" means "for a
short time", quite different from "a while", meaning after a little while. And
how can sex be like a petri dish? A petri dish is round, shallow, has a
vertical edge or lip and one cultivates bacteria or agar or some such thing in
it, right? And this petri dish sex, we are told, is a 'hypothesis'. Duh. Also,
it apparently lacks variety. Therefore the author "had out done the
missionaries." Have mercy.
Then there's the carelessness with grammar, spelling, syntax, construction:
"Then along came my prime." Who dat? And she loves "the gates of hell" - they
open up twice in four pages.
Anyway, for what little it matters, here's what we're being told. Domesticated
housewife suddenly finds herself turning into a bubbling cauldron of lust.
Hormones seething in her bosom and elsewhere, she heads off to the local
library and picks up a copy of the Kama Sutra. Back home, in bed with her
husband (such excitement!) she presents him the book (here's the first set of
the gates of hell yawning open). Lo and behold they discover that there is
such a thing as anal sex, position 22.
At this point the writing slips from its already precarious perch.
"Finally I grabbed the book and turned to position 22. I had always known that
A would fit into B but this was showing how A could also go into C. My "c"
kind of liked the idea and began to moisten in it's avid approval. I showed
him the picture and waited. Long minutes passed, and I had already begun to
listen to the burning synapses between vagina and brain and was casually
fingering."
A? Going into C not B? Avid approval? Burning synapses? My c kind of liked the
idea? Surely this is the bottom of the barrel.
More of the same. Madam's anus, asshole, whatever, is daintily referred to
throughout as her hole C. The other proximate orifice, a.k.a. vagina, cunt,
slit, pussy, etc., is hole B. Go figure. Madam is hot, we gather, because her
'pre-orgasmic body had already taken control of the intellectual side and told
it to take a much needed nap". When Monsieur hesitates at buggering his
missus, she threatens to "do the Bobbit and proceed without him". How this
miracle is to be achieved we are not told. Perhaps just as well. Now Monsieur
needs "lubrication" which he obtains by "finding hole B first". This "nearly
sends" the missus "from stoic control to blathering idiot". The former is
inexplicable in the circumstances, and by now the reader is strongly tempted
to regard the latter as the lady's natural state.
Then they "proceed" with the "main attraction" (he having so "decreed") and
this results in what must surely rank as the erotic howler of all time: "Take
that libido!!" a tiny voice in the recesses of her mind cries. I didn't know
one had to take revenge on one's sex drive. Meanwhile her nerve endings do
something called a happy dance. Is that like the birdie dance, clap your
hands, flap your wings?
Punch line. Madam wants to progress to position 69-101 and eventually earn
"frequent user miles in that aisle at the bookstore." Um, I thought it was the
library a few paragraphs earlier. No matter. A mere peccadillo, it pales in
contrast. As for the user miles bit, the less said the better.
Bereft of a single redeeming feature, this 'story' doesn't deserve a rating.
"Sweets Stories: Shower Part 1" (sweets1140@aol.com). Guest Review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12608.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=367459539
"Shower Part 1" suffers on several counts, most notably that it's an immature
story, poorly written with poor grammar.
Three gardeners, Tom, Dick and Harry - a son, his father and his grandfather -
are offered repeated weekly views of a woman masturbating in her shower. In
turn, this provides the stimulation for them to do the same. That's it.
At times the story has the appearance as one written by someone who has
English as a second language. Still, the flavor of it would be enhanced
simply by cleaning up the grammar and punctuation marks for starters.
The inherent limitation of voyeurism serves to keep people at a distance from
each other, physically as well as emotionally. That distance is operative in
this story to a fault.
Ratings for "Sweets Stories: Shower Part 1"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Private Dancer" by Steven A. Black (sblack@mail.coin.missouri.edu).
Guest review by BitBard (bitbard@newsguy.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=373022527
In "Private Dancer" a salesman loses his job and live-in girlfriend on the
same day. He moves back to his hometown and mopes around a bit until he
visits a strip joint. There he meets Sasha, a dancer at the club who is not
only very beautiful but also very interested in our hero. It's obvious that
these two need to get together, and they do. He gives her his address, she
comes over and you can guess what happens then. Fade out. Five years pass.
Fade in. They get hitched.
I feel safe in telling you all that because it's really not giving anything
away. There are no surprise twists and turns here. The reader can see what's
cumming a mile away. Well maybe not the five years later part but there's a
reason I'm including that in the summary.
Within this rather predictable plot, the reader will discover a most
excellently written story. The author does a great job creating and setting
moods as well as settings and character. When the author applies these skills
to the sex scenes the story explodes in vivid erotic imagery. The author
takes a predictable plot and through sheer talent makes the story interesting
and compelling.
Yet it is that very same talent that proves to be the bane of this story. In
creating the mood and background for the narrator's character the author
touches upon subjects like the dangers of "open" relationships, the need for
honesty in a relationship, and even the ups and downs of life itself. These
touches create a fantastic opening mood.
The problem is that these are very powerful subjects and this story really
doesn't explore the issues it brings up. Granted this is a sex story and
granted too this is a short story and whole books could be written about any
one of those subjects; but I think the author missed the chance to really bind
these issues together and say something beyond sex with a beautiful stripper
is orgasmically good.
In a way the story sets itself up to compare and contrast two relationships
but then doesn't do either. We know why the first relationship failed; but
beyond the fact that Sasha is a gorgeous babe and a really hot fuck, why did
the second one work? The reader never has a chance to find out, because any
answers the story may have are lost in the five year transition between their
first fuck and their vows.
Despite my disappointment with the plot, this remains an extraordinarily well
written story with compelling writing and even more compelling sex. I
*ENJOYED* this story. But I'm still left wondering how much better it could
have been if only we had been allowed to peek into that five year gap.
Ratings for "Private Dancer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bitbard (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "April Showers" by Hawkeye. Guest review by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/year98/13183.txt
First, the housekeeping: "April Showers" by Hawkeye was reposted by
john_dark@anon.nymserver.com and is said to be part 4 of "Seasons" (c) 1993.
The four- or five-year-old copyright may explain why I was unable to find the
bigger story. If "April Showers" is an accurate reflection of a larger work,
it'd be worth finding. {Celestial note: I am reposting my review of "Hazy
Shade of Winter." That gives us two of the four seasons. If anybody has
Summer and Autumn, I'd sure like to see them reposted.}
Most efforts at erotica employ a device that positions the players in a
situation that allows, even encourages, sexual intimacy. Many of these
devices are hackneyed and improbable. A few border on being overworked, but
still come through, as does these vignette in a college dorm bathroom.
The protagonist, Sam, meets Julie Brauer, the girlfriend of a dorm mate, as
they're both walking to the washroom. Apprehensive of being discovered, Sam
still positions himself in an attempt to steal a flash of skin as seen through
a large mirror. He reflects a moment on his behavior, recognizing he'd be
flustered were he to be confronted with her totally nude, but admits to his
voyeuristic compulsion.
At this point, the story takes an unexpected turn, a delightful one, a
sexually intense one. And after the culmination, we're left not knowing if
this was a one-time thing, never to happen again, or the start of a larger
adventure. As such, it's a sweet, erotic slice of life that left me wanting
more.
Ratings for "April Showers"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Fleeing Gods" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=170525220
The stories by this author are - how shall I put it? - unusually creative.
They tend to have plots that make me stop and think. Sure, they contain sex;
otherwise I wouldn't be reviewing them on alt.sex.stories - although I did
have to skip one of her stories ("Fireworks and Storms") because the only sex
in it was implied. But the actual genital contact, although explicit, often
plays a secondary role in a highly creative plot.
Here we have a woman waking up and finding that Zeus is about ready to make
love to her. It seems that Zeus and Hera have been on hiatus for a millennium
or two, and so he is not prepared for a contemporary American woman. He's
used to ancient Greek shepherd maids who were coy and tried to run from him
and even changed shapes to escape his amorous advances; this modern bitch is
eager to devour his cock and actually changes shapes to KEEP him. It's a
delightful story. I'm tempted. Someday I'm going to let my students read one
of this author's stories instead of "Daisy Miller."
Ratings for "Fleeing Gods"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Crossing The Line" by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@pipeline.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355289396
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355294449
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355294460
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Cathy Donohue has a habit that helps her get through boring meetings: she
picks out someone in the crowd and has sexual fantasies about that person.
Imagine that! You don't think students do that to their teachers, do you?
Even worse - you don't think readers of these reviews would do that to this
reviewer, do you?
Anyway, Cathy is a member of the local PTA and she has a theory that the
initials actually stand for Pussy Tits and Ass. I myself once went to a major
PTA meeting wearing a tee-shirt that said, "PTA is in the middle of
temPTAtion!" I was advised to remove the shirt by an officer who is very
unlikely to be reading this review: "What if the newspapers take a picture of
you?" I was tempted to literally remove the shirt right then and there, but
saner heads prevailed.
In her secret life, Cathy Donohue is Anne O'Donnell, writer of erotic short
stories. Of course, the people of her community think of her as merely a
happy homemaker and helpful member of the community, not as a porn writer.
{This story is starting to strike too close to home.} Unfortunately, the
college kid who comes to fix her computer makes the connection between Cathy
and the Internet. Fortunately, he's a hunk.
Being a gentleman, Glen promises not to reveal Cathy's secret identity. Being
a lady, Cathy asks if there is anything she can do to repay him for fixing her
computer. Being a horny virgin, Glen asks her to write a story for him.
Being a horny non-virgin, she offers to go one better than that. Being a
sexually active person, I'm getting pretty horny myself at this point. Being
an English teacher, I'm pretty impressed with the parallel use of participial
phrases in this paragraph. That's it! If I concentrate on the grammar I can
make it through this story without having to do anything about my more mundane
urges.
OK. They're fucking now. Damn this is good stuff! I've got to do something
to help me finish this story. The grammar. Concentrate on the grammar. Oh
good, she said "eluding" when she meant "alludinig" - I mean alluding - I'm
going to make it - or should that be "illuding"? Damn! I'm not going to make
it after all. Maybe if I rub my pussy just a little while I finish this
review... I'll even keep my pants on.... This won't be hard.... Won't be HARD!
I've gotta watch what I say, but it's hard - I mean difficult - to type with
just one hand... Oh good, she said "...excuse as to why she stood home."
She's talking like Yogi Berra now. She meant "stayed home." Maybe she
shoulda slud. I'm starting to lose it.... It really won't hurt to take my
panties off.... Oh, Oh! Sabrina has found out that her son Glen fucked Cathy;
but now they're discussing how she found out. Encryption! That's good; if
they keep on discussing encryption I may even be able to put my panties back
on. No; they're already too wet. Oh, great! Sabrina knows Cathy's secret
identity, and she even made hard copies of her stories and took them on the
cruise with her and therefore she humped her husband with renewed vigor each
night and sometimes during the day. Oh shit! Now they're discussing their
sexual relationships with other women.... If they make love to each other, I'm
going to cum in my pants.... Except that I'm not wearing any pants.... Would
you believe my husband's at a meeting at church? I'm a grown woman; I can
take care of myself.... Good! She said "lay" instead of "lie" but that
doesn't help - too much sexual innuendo in the "L" words. Now they're making
love. I mean REALLY MKAING LOVE. OOOOH SHIIIIIT!!!!
This was an exceptionally good story. I strongly recommend it.
Ratings for "Crossing The Line"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Rocks" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com)
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This story is preceded by this unusual disclaimer: "This story does not
contain explicit sex of any kind. If non-sexual stories offend you, please
stop reading at once." What kind of pervert, you might ask, would post a
story like this?
Actually, taken in the context of the entire Allen Sisters saga, this story is
about sex in a very indirect way. My husband is by no means a pedophile, but
he once told me it turned him on to see my parents' home movies of me as a
child. He liked my innocence, he said, apparently in comparison to the
sophisticated sexual dynamo I have become. Likewise, since readers of the
whole series know that Pat and Julie are incredibly sensuous adults, it is
sensuous if not actually sexy to see this snapshot of them at an early age,
discovering the differences between boys and girls.
The main difference, as the story reveals, is that boys throw rocks a lot more
often than girls.
Ratings for "The Rocks"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10