Celestial Reviews 290 - June 24, 1998
Note: A fellow was passing a house with a little red light burning in
front, and so he stepped inside. There was nothing in sight except an
empty, bare hallway with 2 doors, reading "Over 35" and "Under 35".
He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said "Over 35." He
found himself in another empty hallway, this one with 2 doors that
read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches."
Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found
himself in another empty hall, with 2 more doors reading, "Once a
night" and "More than once a night".
Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night"
and found himself back out on the street.
The moral of this story is, "If you always tell the truth, you'll never
get screwed".
Second note: Watch out for the Viagra Virus. It turns your 3.5 inch
floppy into a hard disk.
Third note: The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-
syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable
word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"
The teacher smiles and says, "All right, Johnny, what is your multi-
syllable word?"
Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."
The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow,
Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, m'am, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm
talking about jerking off."
Fourth note: A lot of my guest reviewers seem to be taking well-
deserved vacations. If there are good guest reviewers out there whom I
have been neglecting, I would be happy to hear from you.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Closing Pandora's Box" by Stephanie (sci fi TG sex story) 8, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12017.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12016.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349943379
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361044798
"I Wonder" by Poison Ivan (prose poem) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12265.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363593714
"Dilton's Chemical Reaction" by DudleyDoright (comic book parody)
8, 5, 4
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364114792
"Home Improvement - Tim Discovers True Manhood" by Phil
Phantom (sitcom parody) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934012 (1)
"3rd Rock From The Sun - Sally Learns Her Lesson" by Kristen
(sitcom parody) 9, 7, 7
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12367.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364532851
Guest Reviews:
"Descent of a Woman" by Kim (island orgy) 10, 9, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11520.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=355958865
"Good Fences Make Good Neighbors," by Phil Phantom (bdsm)
8, 8, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934199 (1)
"June 10 1998" by Jim Keigel (sexual diary) 10, 9, 9
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12063.txt
--
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361712445
"Heat" by E.Z. Riter (friendly sex) 10, 9, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11632.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058784
"Further Down the Isle" by Frenchy the Third (sexual relationships)
9, 9, 9
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12310.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287544
"Demon Heat" by Peter Anselmo (Vampire Sex) 10, 10, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12247.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363587420
Reposted Reviews:
* "Not Blackmailed" by Tigger (mild bdsm) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12369.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364532859
* "Happily Ever After" by losgud (sexy in-law) 8, 8, 9
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12362.txt (1)
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309642708
* "Hush" by Brother Cadfael (evening of romance) 9, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12324.txt (1)
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287650 (1)
* "Breakfast of Champions" by Singnfool (wake-up call) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333183874
* "Hell Hath No Fury" by Satan Penguin (Utopian comic book
sex) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=191942998
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=191939420
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=189569502
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=189528714
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=201372936
* "Home Improvement: Jill's Story" by Ann Douglas. (f/f
celebrity sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309994411
* "Grey" by Lysander (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12408.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12410.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12409.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866905
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866911
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866917
========================
On this day in Celestial History
Celestial Reviews 94 - June 26, 1996
========================
* "Yang Reception" by Wollstonecraft (ritualistic orgies) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=273658537 (1)
* "A Supergirl Arises From The Abyss" by Tooshoes
(sci fi romance) 10, 9, 9.5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361039443
* "Test Ride" by Joe Parsons (motorcycle sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352910427
* "American Airlines Cockpit" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(mile high sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=279959548 (1)
* "Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (hot lesbian romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=260676594 (1)
(1) Repost not by original author
(*) Reposted review.
"Closing Pandora's Box" by Stephanie (stephanie@nym.alias.net)
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12017.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12016.txt
--
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349943379
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361044798
Stephanie's web site is at
http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/2525/.
Alan Carter is a scientist who has been developing "nonomechanics," a
branch of science or engineering that will save the human race through
genetic mutations of some sort. As inevitably happens with all great
inventions, a True Bastard gains control and perverts the invention to
his personal aggrandizement. In this case Alan's boss is going to gain
control of a major part of the world by putting himself into bodies
that look like other people and changing the gender of people around
him. It's more complicated than that - it involves blackmail; but I
can't explain it all here. Just take my word, Alan's boss is a serious
threat to the very future of humankind.
{Speaking of assholes - Did you hear about the guy who walked into a
bar in Texas and shouted, "All lawyers are assholes!" "I resent that
remark!" shouted a big, ugly cowboy, who stood up and glared at the
first guy. "Why?" said the first guy. "Are you a lawyer?" "No,"
replied the cowboy. "I'm an asshole!"}
So anyway, Alan has been instructed to do something evil to Senator
Hamilton, a harmless wretch who is responsible for major decisions
affecting the United States. To keep Alan in line, his boss has left
him with two large breasts, presumably to keep Alan from going public.
Alan responds by doing what most people would do in this situation: he
masturbates with his new tits. No, that's not true. Alan plants a
virus in the computer system, but his boss is a formidable foe; and
soon Alan is struggling for his very survival.
What the author fails to explain is why Alan doesn't simply apply the
John Wayne Solution: "Sorry, Pilgrim <bang!>"
Instead, Alan's boss turns him into a sexy, voluptuous, blonde! Then
the boss fucks Alan silly all night and in the morning goes off to
begin his conquest of the world. You'll have to read the story to see
what Alan does to solve his/her problems.
Although the ending is ingenious, this doesn't rank with Stephanie's
best stories. It's still a good story - just not excellent. My advice
is that Stephanie should get back to the drawing board and finish "It's
Hard to be a Man," so that she can devote her full attention to "DNA
III."
Ratings for "Closing Pandora's Box"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"I Wonder" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12265.txt
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I don't think my husband reads my reviews, but I'm going to find out
pretty soon if I'm wrong. That's because I'm going to talk about him
in this review.
In this story the author describes the mental state of a man wondering
how his lover will relate to him. I have never come very close to
feeling this man's emotions myself, but apparently I have personally
been the cause of almost an identical set of reactions within the mind
and heart of my husband. His tensions were even more severe, as he
told me later: apparently I rejected him {in his mind's eye} six or
seven times after he dialed the sixth digit of my phone number when he
was calling me for our first date. He got that far and hung up six
times! I had no idea that he was so overcome with anxiety - although I
really wasn't sure whether I had a date with him or not by the time he
did reach me and our conversation ended.
Our first phone conversation after that first date was even more
inspiring. He lacked telephone skills. After we had talked for quite a
while and he obviously couldn't find a way to end the conversation, I
said, "We really should end this conversation soon. Sum things up." He
replied, "Omigod, what is it?" Ya see, the nun who taught English and
told me that the right way to end a telephone conversation was to
summarize the key elements of the conversation hadn't realized that the
potential sex partner might hear me saying, "Something's up!"
He's done all right, though. Our relationship is kind of like an Uther
Pendragon story with the roles reversed.
And my husband was barely trying to get to first base! The guy in this
story is rapidly approaching third base, ready to head for home plate.
Oddly enough, the author uses the word "base," but not in reference to
either a baseball sex metaphor or a penile location. However, he uses
"diddle" about the way you'd expect.
Actually, the guy in this story is more eager than anxious. This story
is best described as a non-verse poem about a man's hopes and
aspirations as he looks forward to his tryst with his lady love. It's
excellent reading.
Ratings for "I Wonder"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dilton's Chemical Reaction" by DudleyDoright
(Doright@truenorthstrong.free).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364114792
I don't know how to tell you this, but that little dweeb Dilton from
the Archie Comic Strip has a ten-incher with a 3.5 inch diameter. When
you evaluate the preceding statement, please keep in mind that a
standard softball like the ones they use in the Olympics has a diameter
of 3.8 inches.
Anyway, Midge catches Dilton diddling his deadly, densely diametered
dick and immediately wants to be his new friend. This is likely to
upset Moose, Midge's moronic manfriend; but Dilly's IQ apparently goes
south when his pecker goes north, and he plunges in <so to speak>
without fear of consequences.
I would suspect that this story was written by a sixth-grader, but I
know they aren't allowed on this newsgroup. This is really a pretty
lame story. My advice to the author is to try being a bit more creative
the next time. My advice to readers is if you want to read about
Archie's sexy adventures, try "Hell Hath No Fury" by Satan Penguin.
That story's not perfect, but it's a lot better than this one. I'll
repost the review, and maybe someone will repost that story.
Ratings for "Dilton's Chemical Reaction"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Home Improvement - Tim Discovers True Manhood" by Phil Phantom
(reposted by Hawaiian Heat).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934012 (1)
"Hidie ho, neighbor lady Jill," says Wilson shortly before he slips
his immense pecker through a hole in the fence. Jill is seeking relief
after getting all hot and bothered by her experience of catching the
boys having sex with one another.
Later Tim seeks advice from his neighbor, he gives Wilson's aphorisms
his customary twist after proving his manhood to Jill: "A good, secure
man understands his woman's needs. Get bigger ones {cucumbers for
masturbation} if you want. You know, Sparticus used to give eels to
his Greek women. That Sparticus, now that was a man's man. Aaarrrghh,
Aaarrrghh, Aaarrrghh!" To find out what Wilson actually said, you'll
have to read the story.
The real value of a good parody / sex story is that it's possible to
imagine the "real" characters doing what the story describes; and this
story certainly accomplishes that task.
Even with the omission of that lovely young lass with the nice ass who
carries tools for Tim and Al, this has to be one of the most creative
parodies of "Home Improvement" that I have ever seen. Wait a minute -
I forgot about Ann Douglas's tale of Jill's infatuation with Heidi, the
young lady from the preceding sentence. Comparing the two, I'd have to
say that I liked Ann's version better as a sex story, but Mr. Phantom
gets the nod on the strength of his parody. I mean, this one really
did have the tone of an actual "Home Improvement" episode.
In addition, an author named Jay-P has written several parodies of
"Home Improvement," but none approaching the quality of the two I cited
in the preceding paragraph. Uncle Mike has also done a "Home
Improvement" parody, but I felt it was not one of his best.
Ratings for "Tim Discovers True Manhood"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"3rd Rock From The Sun - Sally Learns Her Lesson" by Kristen
(kristen78@aol.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12367.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364532851
In this parody of "Third Rock from the Sun" Dr. Solomon watches Sally
masturbate and then fucks her. They both like it. That's about it.
The advantage of this story is that it enables us to put real people
with the words, and so we can imagine two people from the television
show getting it on together. The downside is that there is so much
more subtlety to the show that this story does not take advantage of.
Ratings for "Sally Learns Her Lesson"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Descent of a Woman" by Kim (Ghost@nym.alias.net). Guest review by
Bronwen (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11520.txt
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This is a late review, all my fault. Sorry. OTOH, such eons have
elapsed that Kim will surely now repost the story, which can only be a
good thing. What an enjoyable piece....
This is another of the stories written for Malinov's Island, a site
created by the marvelous (and prolific) author, Lord Malinov.
For those not familiar with the idea, the ball was set rolling by a
story from DG in which all the regular authors from ASS/ASSM set off on
an erotic writers cruise and were shipwrecked, ending up on Malinov's
tropical island. Lots of other authors wrote connected stories. Anyone
is more than welcome to submit stories related to this scenario - check
the site out at
http://www.gslink.com/~dcain/xanadu/erotica/island/
My first impressions of "Descent of a Woman" weren't so good. The first
little section seems frankly a bit superfluous. Not entirely connected
with the main thrust, if you'll forgive the pun. <grin> But maybe
(probably?) I'm missing something.
However once our heroine arrives on the island the story takes off big
time. What fun! It's not fair to give away much plot, save that it's
weird and wonderful. Dazzling creativity. Piles of mythological
allusions and a few really good jokes.
This is one of Kim's best stories yet. There's not a lot of sex, but I
found what there was memorably erotic. Read it for yourself.
Ratings for "Descent of a Woman"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Good Fences Make Good Neighbors," by Phil Phantom (contact via
mrdouble@mrdouble.com) (F/F/f, slavery, inc, pedo) 8, 8, 7. Guest
Review by R'khaan (rkhaan@ix.netcom.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363934199 (1)
This is the first story I've read from this author, and I don't know
much about him. However, I like the way he gets you right to the
action.
We have Gena, a married woman, thirtysomething, with four boys of
varying ages. On the other side of the fence, we have Sue, recently
divorced, with an eleven-year-old named Cathy. Phil starts his story
with Gena bringing Sue a "divorce gift." Sue and Gena aren't exactly
friendly neighbors but Sue accepts the gift just the same, suddenly
feeling the need for female companionship. However, Sue's in for a
surprise as she opens the box and finds a "do it yourself" kit for
girls, complete with BenWa balls and butt plug. Sue's a little slow
closing the box, only managing to do so after young Cathy has seen the
contents. Sue's reluctant to discuss the contents with Cathy; however,
Gena intervenes and manages to convince Sue to allow her to explain the
items to Cathy.
Phil goes off at this point in the story as Gena engages in a very
graphic discussion with Cathy who shocks her mother with some pretty
saucy knowledge, admitting that she had seen Gena and her husband John
doing the horizontal bop. If this wasn't enough, Sue then learns that
her little girl has been eating Gena's snatch after fucking John and,
from there, all hell breaks loose as Gena begins using the toys meant
for Sue on Cathy, who's down for the whole deal.
While Cathy's enjoying herself with her mom's toys, Gena takes Sue over
to one side and sucker punches her by announcing that she and John are
child molesters. If this wasn't enough, Gena has the balls to announce
that they want to make Cathy their love slave and that Sue will go
along with it --or else. After some girl/girl stuff with Cathy, Sue
decides that she's going to play the game - but not as Gena thinks.
Sue puts up some token resistance before turning her daughter - and
herself - over to Gena and her crew, who are out back tearing down the
fence between their homes.
Throughout the entire story, you keep from getting the impression that
Sue, the poor deluded, horny thing, is both repulsed and excited by all
of this. There's a lot of pussy-licking, cum-sucking, butt fucking
action. Sue even seems to be submissive when caves in to Cathy's
demands that her mother eats her pussy - but won't return the favor.
And I thought kids were taught to share… This story was relatively
well written despite some obvious spelling errors.
Ratings for "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors"
R'khaan (technical quality): 8
R'khaan (plot & character): 8
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer): 7
"June 10 1998" by Jim Keigel (jimkeigel@hotmail.com). Review by Nick
(e-mail nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12063.txt
--
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361712445
{Note: If you enjoy this story, you can find a new segment posted each
week, clearly labeled in a.s.s. and a.s.s.m.}
This story is part of a series of stories, none of which I had read
before doing this review. From the preamble, it seems that the author
intends to set up a website with a series of similar stories.
The story itself has little in the way of plot, but I don't think that
is the intention. It consists of a description of a guy and a girl just
doing what comes naturally, nothing more. No message, no pretensions,
which is fine.
There is minimal build-up. The "hero" goes to a bar with a couple of
friends, which is full of young women. He selects one of these and they
have sex together. It doesn't dwell on huge pricks or tits, but rather
techniques and pleasure.
I found it rather like browsing through Penthouse - quite pleasant, but
not much depth. That isn't to detract from the writer or people who
would enjoy it more, it's just my personal preference. I expect,
however, that a pretty substantial fan club will be built up for more
of the same kind of thing, and I wish the author luck with his website.
My own ratings for this are:
Technique 8 - I lost concentration and found myself rereading bits.
Plot/character/erotic content 8 - I don't see it setting the world
alight, but it was OK.
Appeal to me 6 - I personally would not have read it all the way
through if I wasn't reviewing it.
Adjusted Celestial Ratings for "JUNE 10 1998"
Athena (Technique) - 10
Venus (Plot/Character) - 9
Appeal (General) - 9
"Heat" by E.Z. Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com). Review by Sven the Elder,
who may be contacted at Sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/11632.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058784
This is a story of a hot, erotic, passionate dalliance between two
lovers. It is a very well written sketch. A short piece, its use of
effective language is excellent. Initially I found the use of Śhim1
slightly distracting. However, I am notorious for reading very quickly
and found that a short Śrewind1 and a slower appraisal solved the
problem. I can envisage that if this were read as a shared experience
between two good friends, the friendship might well move to explore new
limits before the 'experience' were concluded.
Ez tells us this is a tale that he found on his hard disk - EZ -
please look for any more that might be lurking there. I certainly
enjoyed this piece.
Ratings for "Heat"
Athena (technical quality): 10 - Excellent
Venus (plot & character): 9 - Tight, concise, might have been a
little more developed
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 10 - Has been added to my personal
collection.
"Further Down the Isle" by Frenchy the Third (frenchyiii@hotmail.com).
Guest review by Bitbard (formerly Sandman -- bitbard@newsguy.com)
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12310.txt
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This story is a continuation of ""Down the Aisle". Although I have
never read the previous story, the Author included a short synopsis of
what has come before. Mostly this involves a lot of rules a woman
agrees to before she gets married. The rules seemed a bit one-sided in
the guy's favor, and indeed this story begins a few years down the road
when the wife simply isn't having much fun. (Maybe she should have
insisted on a few rules of her own!)
It turns out I wasn't the only one thinking this! Apparently Twany's
(the wife) bridesmaid, Wendy, has fallen on hard times and has to move
in for a while. Wendy dresses the husband down for ignoring Twany's
needs in the relationship. And the husband finds out it's not a great
hardship to show some consideration. In fact, it's quite fun actually.
And it turns out living with two women is no great hardship at all. In
fact, one could even envy the guy. This was a rather well written
sexcapade that had some nice things to say about relationships and
making sure everyone has fun.
Ratings for "Further Down the Isle"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bitbard (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Demon Heat" by Peter Anselmo -- posted by Odile Santiago
(specpress@earthlink.net). Guest review by BitBard
(bitbard@newsguy.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12247.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=363587420
I have often said, and rightly believe, that many stories one can find
in the alt.sex.stories hierarchy equal and in many cases surpass what
one can pay for at the corner bookstore and not just in their value as
erotica. The better stories here in addition to speaking to the baser
instincts also speak of the human condition. It is, however, one thing
to believe something and quite another thing to know.
"Demon Heat" is an excerpt from a book published by Spectrum Press.
This is a form of spam that will allow the potential buyer to decide if
the story is worth paying money for. Unlike genuine spam, this excerpt
is on topic; and advertisement or not, excerpt or not, this bauble is
erotic enough to more than justify its publication in these groups.
After a bumpy entrance (This is an excerpt remember, as such it takes a
little effort to catch up with the story.) we discover that Magda is a
female vampire who has taken a male victim (only he doesn't exactly
feel like a victim). Like all vampires she thrives on the bodily fluids
of her victim and like all EROTIC vampires she needs a little more than
blood to sate her appetite.
So here is an excerpt from a story deemed worthy enough for
publication. It is good. Very good in fact. The settings,
backgrounds, and tone of the story were very well executed. As stroke
material goes, the snippet is very intense.
This excerpt is professionally written and professionally polished by a
professional editor, and it shows. This is a quality piece of writing
from start to finish. Yet in the end I do believe it validates my
beliefs that the non-commercial fiction in alt.sex.stories is indeed on
par with what one can find in professional print.
Athena (technical quality): 10 -- Flawless
Venus (plot & character): 10 -- Erotica/character, not plot.
Bitbard (appeal to reviewer): 8 -- I prefer beginnings and endings.
* "Not Blackmailed" by Tigger (tigger@alices.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12369.txt
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http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364532859
The protagonist is an author for a newsgroup like this one. He is
inexperienced sexually, but he has an active imagination and has
written several good stories dealing with benign bdsm. That is, he
doesn't like stories in which the domme sends the male screaming into
the night, never to return. Occasionally he finishes his stories at
the office, and one day he accidentally lets his boss find one of his
stories on his computer screen. It turns out that she is a fan of his
writing on the newsgroup, and they make plans to give him some
practical experience.
This is a very good story. There's not much explicit sex in it, but
the plot does a good job of integrating bdsm with an office environment
that involves no exploitation.
Ratings for "Not Blackmailed"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Happily Ever After" by losgud (losgud@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Mark Aster.
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12362.txt (1)
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309642708
Normal male, sexy sister-in-law staying over until she can find an
apartment of her own, a strapless halter blouse, soft melting breasts,
sighs, moans... The wife walks in on them at a crucial juncture
(there's a pun hiding there), and stuff happens. The author says "I
misplaced the pretense of plot and character development with this
one", and that's mostly true; this is mostly straight and joyous
fucking, with not much in the way of tension or teasing. The plot could
have been milked for a slower and more reluctant and sexier buildup,
but hey there's nothing wrong with straightforward coupling now and
then, especially when everyone's having such a good time.
There are some stylistic roughnesses here, although I have a hard time
describing them helpfully. The author is literate, more literate than
the average a.s.s.* poster, but something... Here's a passage:
>The way my dancing tongue made the whole area quiver made
>me want to keep on doing just that. But eventually I stopped.
>I stopped to do you know what. I pulled down her panties with
>the long slow touch, the public unveiling of the modern savior.
It's not BAD. I don't think. Maybe it's just idiosyncratic. Maybe
I'd come to love it by the end of the eighth or tenth story. But it
was distracting the first time through this one somehow. There's no
obvious antecedent for "just that", maybe? The "you know what" is sort
of odd because we don't know exactly what? "public unveiling of the
modern savior" just barely fails to make sense to me?
But anyway! This is getting to be more of an analysis than a review,
and this is the wrong venue for that. This is a story worth reading,
short and sweet, considerable hot and sticky sex, nice breasts,
nipples, lips, orgasms, and even just a hint of plot...
I'll try to actually do numbers this time:
Athena: 8 (two points for the oddities of diction)
Venus: 8 (well, there ISN'T much plot and character)
Mark: 9 (a pretty yummy story; it's hard to get a 10 out of me,
even when I'm trying to use the numbers about like Celeste does!)
* "Hush" by Brother Cadfael (Cadfael@earthcorp.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12324.txt (1)
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364287650 (1)
As the author's synopsis says, a man meets a deaf woman at the film
development store and finds his knowledge of sign language finally to
be of use. He brings her home with him and makes tender love to her.
This is a very nice story, but it's not complete: there's too little
development and too many questions are left unanswered.
Ratings for "Hush"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "Breakfast of Champions" by Singnfool (Singnfool2@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333183874
For those of you who live far from General Mills, I'll point out that
the Breakfast of Champions is Wheaties. For those of us who rarely
ingest liquor, I'll point out that "Breakfast of Champions!" is often a
sort of clever quasi- toast uttered by drinkers before they gulp down a
martini or whatever it is they are drinking. In the present story the
term refers to the ingestion of a thicker substance shortly after a
comely lass has been tenderly and ecstatically awakened from a peaceful
repose by her lover.
This is a very short but very good little story.
Ratings for "Breakfast of Champions"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Hell Hath No Fury" by Satan Penguin (spenguin@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=191942998
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=191939420
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=189569502
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=189528714
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=201372936
Shakespeare based most of his plays on the tales and legends with which
his audiences were already familiar. To accomplish this, he must have
had a prodigious knowledge of the classics and of folk legends. The
present author likewise bases this story on information with which he
expects his audience to be familiar. In other words, he displays a
prodigious knowledge of the Archie series of comic books and newspaper
cartoons.
Stan, the protagonist of this story, comes from a planet called Elad-
Revir, H'trae. This planet is a close parallel to earth, and the city
is closely parallel to Riverdale, the home of Archie, Veronica, Betty,
Jughead, and their comic book friends. If you haven't made the
association yet, you may want to read Elad-Revir, H'trae backwards and
see if you can notice its relationship to Riverdale, Earth. If you can
see no connection, you are not smart enough to read this story.
This could be described as a Utopian - or anti-Utopian - story. It
combines comic book characters with a focus on adolescent sex to deal
with concepts that Orwell dealt with in "1984 "and Skinner dealt with
in "Walden II": what is the best way to run a perfect society - to get
individuals to contribute willingly to the good of the greater society?
Stan is the quintessential Renaissance man, modern scientist and
engineer, and sexual aficionado all rolled up into one. He's almost
too good to be true- which is OK, because, after all, this is a comic
book episode.
As I neared the completion of Chapter IV (which is all there is right
now), I paused and pondered the title. I had assumed it was excerpted
from the expression "Health hath no fury like a woman scorned." But no
woman had been scorned, and the prospects for scorning were low. Maybe
the title was a simple description of the lack of overt hostility in
hell. The Church Lady would certainly notice that Stan himself was
one vowel short of Satan; could that be relevant?
I really don't know where the story is going. There are numerous
unresolved subplots - none of which have any apparent relation to hell
or its fury. Reggie has been plotting to seize a share of Stan's
wealth. One of the sex slaves is developing a genuine (non-slavelike)
attraction for Stan. Sabrina is trying to integrate her witch essence
with her human existence. Veronica and Betty have discovered the joys
of hedonistic sex with each other and with other lovely ladies. All
the members of the gang (especially the genius Dilbert) have started
getting in a little over their heads with sex with sex; and who knows
what to make of the lovely ladies whom Stan has so adeptly trained to
service himself and his friends? And there's much more. I am
impressed with the overall quality of the writing and with the attempt
to merge the consistent Archie story line with more complex sexual
idea, but I am also a bit disappointed that I have read this far and
don't yet know where the story is going. I guess I'll have to wait and
see what happens next. Its sort of like reading the funny pages!
Ratings for "Hell Hath No Fury"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Home Improvement : Jill's Story" by Ann Douglas
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=309994411
Have you ever noticed that winsome lass named Heidi who appears as the
assistant on the the Tool Time shows on Home Improvement? I'll bet you
thought she was longing to get it on with Tim or Al or Wilson or maybe
one of the kids. Wrong!! In this story, she has passionate sex with
Jill. As I've said before, I enjoy good celebrity sex stories, because
they permit me to imagine real people behind the activities - even
though those real people are fictional people. This story doesn't need
a lengthy review. If you'd like to read about Heidi and Jill making
tender love to one another, take a look at this story.
After I first posted this review, I received a letter of reprimand from
a person who was a much more avid fan of the show than I am. While
admitting that the sex was good in this story, he vehemently argued
that Jill did not correspond at all to the television character. Read
it, and you be the judge.
Ratings for "Jill's Story"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Grey" by Lysander (lysander@bitsmart.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12408.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12410.txt
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/12409.txt
---
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866905
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866911
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=364866917
In proportion to its overall length, there's actually relatively little
sex in this story. Grey is the name of a woman to whom the narrator
offers a ride. Throughout the first half of the story they drive across
the country for several weeks, longing for each other, but not making
their mutual feelings known. Finally, they do make their feelings
known to each other, and the sexual activity becomes loving and hot.
There are several complications that make the story more interesting,
but you can find these for yourself. I really like stories that have
good character development as well as hot sex, and this is one of those
stories.
Ratings for "Grey"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Yang Reception" by Wollstonecraft (an285729@anon.penet.fi).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=273658537 (1)
The term "yang reception" refers to the female feat of actively
receiving essence from the passive male - or so the Guru says. The
heroine of this story has for many years studied the teachings of Guru
Tsu, and she has recently had the great honor of moving into his
commune. At the Common she works her way toward blissful perfection
through ritualistic penetration of her vagina six times daily. The
people at the Common are a happy lot, joyfully sharing their fluids
both individually and communally and even helping to lick one another
clean.
Even the conversations of the people at Common are couched in
ritualistic significance: "Do you want to take my conduit within you,
to draw from me the spiritual in substance? Will you sup from my body
to take nourishment for your soul?" Roughly translated, this means,
"Wannafuck?"
Birth control is simple: "Even if your faith is weak and you cannot
accept the male's spiritual offering, thus creating the ovum within
you, if your partner's faith is firm, there will be no sperm in his
seminal essence. There can be no impregnation, no conception, no
childbearing. Just as there will for you be no aging, no
deterioration. No death. And, without the aggression borne of
frustration, a new age of peace and love. You will be part of the
vanguard that ushers in this new age for humanity." Not a bad deal.
In other words, as long as you have Faith, you can fuck all you want;
and won't get pregnant. Our heroine and almost all the other initiates
deliver babies within nine months after their initiation; but they
recognize this as a freak coincidence - a simultaneous imperfection in
the faith of both the male and female partner in one of the several
thousand copulations that each person experienced in the preceding nine
months. No harm, no foul. They'll just have to try again. {I don't
know what they do with the babies. Nobody seems to have time for
mundane tasks like changing diapers or teaching kids to read; so I
suppose maybe they sell the kids. Guru Tsu's must get his revenue
somewhere.}
I guess this story is really silly - Ooops! There I go, giving an
indication that I am not myself a True Believer. It was fun to buy
into the Yang theory for the duration of the story. The author does an
excellent job of consistently presenting Guru Tsu's beliefs. May his
yang be well received!
Ratings for "Yang Reception"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "A Supergirl Arises From The Abyss" by Tooshoes
(tooshoes@ix.netcom.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=361039443
Kara was sent to earth as a survivor from her planet (actually an
asteroid) at the moment her culture and all her friends disintegrated.
She was greeted on earth and taken under wing by none other than Clark
Kent, who had made a similar odyssey several years earlier. Enrolled as
Linda Lee as a student at Metropolis University, she is having trouble
getting along on earth.
To mask the effect of her unfamiliarity with American culture, Clark
advises Kara to pass herself off as Hungarian - an idea plagiarized, no
doubt, from either George Bernard Shaw or Henry Higgins. The story is
quite interesting; sort of like a high quality comic book with sexual
activities as a natural part of the plot. This is the first of four
connected stories - four that I know of; there may be others. The plot
has obvious possibilities: what sort of things - both emotional and
physical - will happen to a woman with super powers who approaches an
American college campus as a foreign culture. This series has the
potential to be really good, but I'm going to save a really high rating
until I've seen more.
Ratings for "A Supergirl Arises From The Abyss"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Test Ride" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=352910427
This is a story about motorcycles and sex. As the bumper sticker says,
"Motorcyclists spread their legs when they do it." Or even better,
"Motorcyclists like something hot between their legs." Cyclists differ
from English Teachers, who do it with style, and Federal Express
Couriers, who will absolutely and positively do it overnight - and
bakers, who knead it daily. Ironically, motorcycles have no room for
such sophisticated aphorisms on their bumpers, and so these
proclamations invariably appear on the bumper of the owner's
automobile.
Reminded of his biker past by a cyclist bumper sticker, the man in this
story stops at a German motorcycle dealership, where Inge, the
statuesque salesperson, offers to let him take a test ride. Inge is
the sort of person that gives the double entendres to the bumper
stickers I mentioned in the preceding paragraph.
In my distant past I had an early boyfriend who owned a motorcycle. I
used to call it his hog. I broke off the relationship, largely because
he was interested primarily in something hot between the legs, and I
wasn't ready for that yet. As I read this story, I came to a better
understanding of his viewpoint. For example, I used to naively wonder
why he didn't have a larger seat if he wanted me to ride double with
him; and I honestly believed there was no such thing as handbars for
the second rider. I WAS naive, wasn't I?
This story verifies one bumper sticker: "Cyclists do it off the road."
In addition, "Cyclists can change speeds while doing it."
This is a sexy story. Even if you aren't a cyclist yourself, you'll
probably enjoy this story. If you're a motorcycle freak, you'll
probably love it. This was an outstanding story by an author who does
it in really novel ways!
Ratings for "Test Ride"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"American Airlines Cockpit" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). Two college girls (one straight, one bi)
are on their way to England for the Christmas holiday. They're bored,
and one of them is afraid of flying. What can the other girl suggest
that might relieve boredom and get her friend's mind off her
acrophobia? The solution lies in a trip to the cockpit, where they
learn the true value of automatic pilot.
The FAA - the organization that tells pilots when and how to do it -
would like me to make it clear that pilots do things like this only
under the relatively rare circumstances when sexy college girls enter
the cockpit in mid-flight, do a striptease, and ask to test the pilots'
instruments. The author does an excellent job of creating ambiance
with informal banter that makes this a really delightful story. This
author has a whole collection of her stories on the Web at
http://mud.bsd.uchicago.edu.
Ratings for "American Airlines Cockpit"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*"Scarlett's Cove" by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@NYC.Pipeline.Com). This story
centers around the visit of two friends to a Caribbean Club Med type
resort that caters to lesbians and bisexuals. Although both women are
lesbians, they are not habitual lovers - just friends. After some
preliminary fun, Jeanette finds that Arlene has entered her into a sort
of charity bachelor auction - the other women will bid to have Jeanette
for their date for the evening. I think I have told you enough about
the story. It's a hot plot with hot sex. I might add that Jeanette is
a high school teacher and many of us often wish we could touch our
favorite students the way she does - but somebody might take that
comment the wrong way.
Ann writes many different kinds of stories, and I enjoy them all; but
this story is a good example of what Ann does best: an interesting and
sexy plot woven into an exotic environment embellished with accurate
information about varied cultures. In addition, the author enriches
the narrative with sexy flashbacks and side plots that heighten the
tension and allure of the main storyline.
As I have said many times before, although I suspect that all sensible
women would enjoy sexual activities like those described in this story,
I myself have never engaged in full genital lesbian or bisexual
activity. However, after reading this story, my defenses have begun to
crumble. If by some chance I would ever be bereaved of this wonderful
guy that humps me on demand like Mark Aster's studly hero and then
found myself on an exotic Caribbean island with a beautiful, rich
former student who was professing her love for me after purchasing me
for an exorbitant price in a charity auction - well, I might give it a
thought. Hell, I think I'll give it a thought right now!
I'm reminded of the words of my daughter, who every year proclaims that
"this is my best birthday ever." This is the best story ever by Ann
Douglas.
Ratings for "Scarlett's Cove"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10