Celestial Reviews 281 - May 8, 1998
Note: Faster Than Contest: I know this is really gauche, but so far MY
entries are the best. Kim has also submitted a few good ones:
Faster than a speeding bullet... nah, too clicheed.
Faster than a speeding train... nah, too obvious.
Faster than a speeding snail... nah, too surreal.
Faster than a speeding upper... nah, too clever.
Faster than a speeding ticket... nah, too silly.
Faster than a speeding ahead... nah, don't make sense.
Faster than a speeding gone czar less... hmmmm, bit weird.
Faster than a speeding thing that's really fast... nah, too prosaic.
Faster than a speeding reviewer when confronted by her victims... maybe.
Faster than a speeding carrot shot out of Taria... yeah, like that.
About as fast as my brain, first thing in the morning... true, but not funny.
About as fast as Eli's recent moderation... too bitchy.
About as fast as a guy offers to massage your feet after shopping all day...
too dull.
About as fast as a guy deciding he's bored now that he's come... nothing new.
About as fast as I think of another better one after I've sent these off.
<end of Kim's entries>
Faster than a speeding cumshot, Sandman chimed in with these:
Faster than a tachyon.
And for those of you who aren't science buffs --
tachyon (tàk´ê-òn´) noun
A hypothetical subatomic particle that travels faster than the speed of light.
- tach´yon´ic adjective
If ya *REALLY* wanna go in for overkill try:
Faster than a tachyon on steroids. :-)
-- Sandman {Making a fool of himself faster than he can prematurely ejaculate
-- which has never happened BTW, at least not recently... to me.}
<end of Sandman's astute entry>
I am tempted to use the tachyon on steroids in my HS English class, but I
wouldn't know how to react when the students started to smirk, because they
might realize that I must read a.s.s. I think instead I'll just wait and see
how many of my students use this one.
But listen, this is alt.SEX.stories! Can't we work some sex into these
metaphors? My own entries are
Faster than an adolescent's first cumshot on prom night.
About as fast as I told him to stop nibbling my clit. {meaning real slow}
Faster than the orgasms of Young Innocent Girls Being Forced To Have Sex with
Naughty Nekid Cheerleaders Who Want to Be Fucked in front of my Brand New Spy
Camera!
Faster than you can CUM FUCK MY ASS!!!!!!
Faster than sailors make the sign of the eight-legged aardvark in a whorehouse
on payday.
Faster than spam on the Internet. {OK, so not all my ideas are perverted.}
Come on! Think dirty. Some of these suggestions have been about as focused
as a fart in a windstorm and as lively as a necrophiliac's partner.
- -
Aha, things are picking up: Godiva posted these on a.s.s.d.:
1) "Faster than an Evelyn Woods graduate
searching for the naughty bits."
2) "Faster than a Skinhead representative
at the Million Man March."
3) "Faster than a condemned mass murderer
discovering Jesus."
4) "Faster than the wilting woody on a homophobe
who's just discovered he's bedded a Drag Queen."
5) "As fast as the line-up for oral sex
from the world's champion female yodeller."
and LadyBear added:
Faster than ..."Faster, faster! Don't stop! Oh YES FASTER!"
- -
Now we're talking: E.Z. Riter (who is obviously from Georgia) added these:
Faster than a duck hopping on a June bug.
Faster than slipping on greased owl shit.
Faster than a one legged man at an ass kicking contest.
Faster than Lottie drops her drawers.
Faster than a one armed paper hanger in a high wind.
Faster than a Clinton denial.
Faster than Matt's pistol firing (do I need to explain that one).
Faster than Baptists (Catholics, whatever) leaving after the sermon.
Faster then the U.S. Mail
Faster than a U.S. male
Faster than a undertaker at a two dollar funeral.
- -
Watcher (who is slicker than snot on a penis) added these:
Faster than teen age sex.
Faster than Slick Willy's zipper.
Faster than a "Oh, God, it's my husband!" exit.
Faster than a desperate woman.
Faster than a guy jumps out of bed afterwards.
Faster than a speed reader.
- -
Without actually entering the Contest, Daphne noted that the composer Robert
Schumann wrote at the beginning of one of his compositions: "To be played as
fast as possible." A few measures later, he wrote: "Faster."
Second note: Last week I published a review of a story about a priest getting
horny while listening to a penitent confess her sins. I asked whether anyone
knew much about how priests handled confessions of sexual sins. One
correspondent responded with this story:
When our nun was teaching us to confess, she told us that if we couldn't think
of any sins to confess, that itself was a sin of pride. We could always
confess to being disrespectful to our parents, lying, fighting with our
siblings, and other sundry deeds, since any normal person did these things
anyway. She did not specify why these things were sins if they were normal.
She said we should always have 10 sins to confess.
We used to exchange sins at recess. One of the best I ever heard was from a
kid who shared a double bed with his brother. He brought it up when we were
confessing sexual sins - apparently because he thought sex was dirty and this
was certainly dirty. He confessed that he farted in bed and then pulled the
sheets up over his little brother's head.
Third note: I have been too busy lately. I have delayed this issue until May
8, thinking that if I took an extra couple of days, I could put it together
right. I am also planning the next two issues to be Monday May 11 and Sat May
16. I'll probably review just as many stories, just in three issues instead
of four. The result is that I'll skip one issue, but this strategy should get
me back on track.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"The Cabin" by Patrick Donovan (cybersex becomes real sex)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=206402425
"Raping the Babysitter" by Unknown Author (adolescent rape)
6, 1, 1
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350521768
"Taxi Tales: Lost Fares" by Delta (relationships) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420527
"My Favorite Restaurant" by Pinky (mind control) 9, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939565
"Phone Sex" by Taria (phone sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939603
"Camping" by Losgud (outdoor incest) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939576
"Friendship" by Sven the Elder (older woman & younger man)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349946948
"The Friendship Clause" by Brother Cadfael (sex between friends)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816953 (1)
Guest Reviews:
"Bloodlust" by KMB (mind control) 9, 7, 4
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350832445 01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350832442 02
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350846180 03
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350872316 04
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=347784151 05
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348016197 06
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348544560 07
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348682662 08
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349025269 09
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939554 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349943418 11
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349785102 12
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420508 13
"Guns" by Spoonbender (humorous sci-fi sex) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420671
"Easter Tears" by Crimson Dragon (ff relationship & atmosphere)
9.7, 9, 9.8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816923
"Suellen's Wedding" by E. Z. Riter (slut sex) 2
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939620
"Old Friends" by Oscar Paco (foursome) 7, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816978
"Shields" by Spoonbender (update of old review) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343623343
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343822335
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343822344
"Georgetta: The Bet" by Dolphin (tender bondage) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420533
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420541
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420546
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420554
"French Cuisine" by Rock Hancock (oral humor) 5, 5, 4
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350521826
"The Professor's Wife" By BillyG (academic blow job) 10, 10, 10+
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350503279
"The Friendship Clause" by Brother Cadfael (sex between friends)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816953 (1)
"Control (Out of)" by Kevin Kangas (sex on the beach) 8, 7, 8
{Not Yet Archived}
Reposted Reviews:
* "Cinnamon" by Patrick Donovan (romance & hot sex)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=194540607
* "Fresh Air and Exercise" by Mark Aster (sex in the
great outdoors) 10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939642
* "Cobbler's Bench" by Dafney Dewitt (Truth or Dare)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=190341672 (1)
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
(1) = Link to story not posted by original author.
========================
On this day in Celestial History..
Celestial Reviews #82 - May 8 1996
========================
* "Among Friends" by Mark Aster (dream orgy) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=197879460
========================
"Cabin" by Patrick Donovan (drwho@world.std.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=206402425
Lee Ann and Patrick met in a chat area on the Internet. Lee Ann has been
infatuated with another person (named Tim) on the Internet, but she's afraid
to meet with him because she's still a virgin. She discusses the matter with
the more worldly Patrick, who offers to meet with her at a cabin in New York.
Do you know where this is going? Do you think there really is or ever was a
Tim? Well, I'm certainly not going to tell you anything more than that this
is a very nice little love story.
Ratings for "Cabin"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Raping the Babysitter" by Unknown Author (posted by The RapeMaster
Rapeher@your-house.com>).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350521768
This story was posted by the same person who posted "Ode to Rape," which I
reviewed in the last issue of CR. In this case, the poster states that he did
not write the story, and I surmise that it is unlikely that he wrote the
previous pitiful poem either. This gentleman appears to be an officer in The
Rape Club - "An Instrument committed to giving a woman what she is too afraid
to admit she NEEDS!!!"
This story contains a large proportion of correctly spelled words and some
correct grammar. Other than that, you can surmise the action from its title
and its source.
I suspect there are men in the world that believe this shit is realistic.
Ratings for "Raping the Babysitter"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 1
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1
"Taxi Tales: Lost Fares" by Delta (delta@nym.alias.net).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420527
One of the things I like best about a sex story is the feeling that I know the
people before they start copulating. That's also one of the main
characteristics of Delta's stories.
In this case we have a man who is a genuinely nice guy who drives a taxi. A
"lost fare" can refer either to a person who bums a ride for free by not
having the money to pay the fare or to a person who stops riding a cab because
she wants to stop being around the cab driver. In this case we have one of
each, but then none of either.
First our hero counsels a teenage hooker to go home to her parents. Not only
does he not collect a fare; he also pays for her train ride and gives her some
money. Sucker! Then he has sex with his favorite customer at a time when she
is distressed, fully aware that she'll wake up the next day and have to avoid
even making eye contact with him anymore. Too bad!
Not!!
Ratings for "Taxi Tales: Lost Fares"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Favorite Restaurant" by Pinky (goldcort@ix.netcom.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939565
This restaurant - called Tooties - sounds a lot like Hooters, although I have
never been to that establishment, of course. One day the author is walking
past the establishment, assiduously avoiding the place but casually glancing
inside, when an innocent yet provocative waitress invites him to enter.
Before we know it, the waitresses are conspiring to put on a show for him. He
doesn't really eat much - just observes and makes mental notes about
waitresses with names like Candy and Desiree. Eventually they invite him to a
special table in the kitchen area, where he is subjected to a form of
subliminal advertising: "You like what you see. You like how you feel. You
like to feel good at Tooties."
He eventually leaves with a smile on his face, holding a bag labeled "Good
Doggie."
I think this sort of thing is illegal - the subliminal advertising, that is.
However, this is a very cute little story.
Ratings for "My Favorite Restaurant"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Phone Sex" by Taria (tariat@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939603
Taria and Janey (the eponymous heroine of several recent stories) are talking
on the phone.
They briefly discuss the theory that that men are attracted to women's breasts
because the cleavage looks like a backside. Personally, I think it's equally
likely that men are attracted to women's backsides because they look like
women's breasts. Or none of the above or both of the above. This would be an
ambiguous multiple choice question, wouldn't it?
Next we have a derogatory analysis of tit-fucking. Derogatory but
stimulating.
Finally, Janey and Taria get serious and have sex with each other with ice
cream and all kinds of goodies.
It's a hot story - hot enough to melt the ice cream at least.
Ratings for "Phone Sex"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Camping" by Losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939576
The narrator is a writer or editor for an architecture magazine. He has got
himself trapped into going on a camping trip with his younger adult sister.
The ambiance is very nice. I found the relationship between the siblings
before the sex to be a bit irritating, but it was also realistic. The camping
trip is realistic - complete with rain and trail mix and all kinds of
underwear. Eventually the narrator develops a new kind of relationship with
his sister. The sex is quite nice!
Ratings for "Camping"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Friendship" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349946948
The narrator experiences some serious destruction to his house as a result of
a storm. The neighbor lady invites him into her house and then into herself.
In spite of their age difference they have a very nice go at it.
I don't know what faffing is. It must be something the British do.
It's nice to have someone around in time of need.
Sorry about the brevity of this review, but I want to recommend this story in
this issue of CR. It's another excellent story.
Ratings for "Friendship"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Friendship Clause" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@earthcorp.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816953 (1)
I think this is the best story I have ever reviewed by this author.
The guy and the girl are "just friends"; and they want to keep it that way,
because (as you well know) once people become lovers, they stop being friends.
They really love each other and don't want to jeopardize that relationship by
doing anything foolish. In short, they have a "friendship clause" in their
relationship.
They play around for a while; and then during a power outage they decide that
they might as well fuck the friendship clause.
And so they do.
This is another simple but excellent story.
Ratings for "The Friendship Clause"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Bloodlust" by KMB (KMB_76@yahoo.com). Guest review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com).
In attempting to review "Bloodlust," it helps to type the story. It's guise as
a modern day vampire story notwithstanding, it's really a mind control (MC),
non-consensual (NC) horror story that has almost nothing to do with anything
remotely sexy. There are intermittent sex scenes here and there - brief,
violent, episodes of rape - that are made less disturbing by the stereotypical
technique of MC stories. The evil guy, a pathologically disturbed vampire,
simply looks at his victims and they succumb to his desires. That's it.
After his ritual rape and blood draining, they - his victims, good-looking
women of course - later arise from their death to be his slaves. His small
army of vampire slaves becomes too big to know without a program. Indeed, the
story labors with too many characters, few, save the vampire, who emerge as
identifiable people.
More believable and likable are a cast of characters that comprise the police
who, blood-drained dead bodes aside, don't have a clue. One suspects the
police will either stumble into the case or, more likely, be pulled in. One
of the problems I had with this story is that it takes a long time for
anything much to happen. Actually, this isn't a story, it's a short book at -
300K bytes and 163 pages, but unfortunately, not the type of tale that pulls
you along. While there's a clear-cut villain, there's no concomitant
identifiable hero, at least in the first half of the novella. The vampire's
MO is overworked. He's evil and arrogant and impossibly strong. We're left
with the suspicion that the "good guys" will probably win, but only through
blind luck. They'll muddle their way through to some stunted partial victory.
For the NC, MC, violence-loving fans, this may work. For the vampire fans,
this is no Anne Rice story. Mostly, it becomes tedious.
Ratings for "Bloodlust"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7 (Too many characters)
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 4 (Might have done better in alt.horror.)
Review of "Guns {the sequel to Shields}" by Theodore@Spoonbender.demon.co.uk
(Spoonbender). This review is the personal opinion of Kim, who can be
contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420671
Well, here's a thing, a comedy SciFi sex story sequel. Boy, that just flows of
the tongue, doesn't it <smile>. The author suggests you read the prequel
first. A pretty sensible idea you might think, which alas, due to severe time
restraints, I'm unable to accommodate. So you'll just have to accept that I'm
coming fresh to this, like many of the readers will be I imagine. I did at
least read Sandman's review of it, so I do have an idea of its content.
This is a short story set in a classroom of the Quageelers, a race of multi-
eyed, multi-tentacled beings, who are learning about the downfall of the human
race, by watching an old video they'd recovered from a presumably deserted
Earth, sometime after Earth's decisive victory over the dreaded large and
paradoxical Morgans of the first story.
It seems Earth secured a victory over the Morgans by some unique applications
of bio-weaponry and defense systems incorporating vital human reproductive and
lubrication fluids. Unfortunately, in the rush to refine the systems, a major
problem was encountered that led to humanity's downfall.
Now, is this a thinly disguised anti-gun polemic? Or is this an even more
thinly disguised anti-virtual sex tirade?
Nah, it's one long joke, is all <grin>. And a pretty good one too. Very well
written, short, and to the point. Utter nonsense, of course, but hugely
enjoyable utter nonsense all the same.
Calling the teacher, in all sincerity, a "Jewel of the Firmament" indeed!
Ratings for "Guns"
Athena (technical quality): 10 (nothing wrong I could see)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (silly, but fun)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 9 (comedy's a subjective thing)
"Easter Tears" by Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com). Guest review by
jubjub.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816923
Story Summary: Third in a series about an on-going relationship between two
girls.
Wow. This is a very good story. The best that I've reviewed so far. The
style and atmosphere are vivid and sensual. The sex is hot and the plot
(taken over the whole series) is compelling. All in all, a story I would
highly recommend--but you must read the first two stories first ("Harvest
Moon" and "Christmas Present").
A word about my ratings. A 9 represents near perfection. After that, harder
I have to look to find room for improvement, the closer the rating will be to
a10. One further point: I consider style to be a component of technique.
So even if a story has few or no grammar or spelling errors, I might still
mark down for stylistic problems.
I make this point because I had problems with the way the writer wrote dialog.
The quotes are rarely directly attributed. This made it more difficult to
follow who was speaking and tended to make the characterization harder to
follow.
I had more problems with the characterization. The author wrote from third-
person omniscient. If the characters are not distinctly drawn, it is possible
to confuse them. In this case, it took a couple of times through the story
before I figured out exactly the relationship between the two girls. This
despite the fact that I have read the previous stories in this series. Of
course, I didn't mind reading this story several times. It is a masterpiece
of atmosphere.
Don't read this story until you've read the first two parts. The relationship
reaches a crisis point in this story and the information in the earlier parts
make this story much easier to understand. I am definitely looking forward to
what I assume to be the last part of the story.
Ratings for "Easter Tears"
Technical: 9.7 Dialogue should be made clearer
Characterization and Plot: 9 Characters were difficult to tell apart
Appeal: 9.8 Lost it a bit due to character confusion
"Suellen's Wedding" by E. Z. Riter (ezriter@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dave
Myers.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349939620
There are not many sex stories that qualify as intellectually stimulating,
life-changing experiences. There are few, in turn, that qualify as brain-
corrosive drivel. But sometimes stories do manage to plumb the depths of Jerry
Springer-inspired alternative reality.
This text is a plain old jerk-off story of the slutty trailer park trash
variety. And not a terribly good one at that. The setup isn't too bad, if
unoriginal. The "shocking" cascade of events leading Suellen from virginal
bride to slut are just too slapped together to click.
Rating: 2
"Old Friends" by Oscar Paco (OscarPaco@aol.com). Guest reviewed by Poison
Ivan.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=348816978
This is the story of Nicolas and Jacala and James and the 36C-28-35 narrator.
I'm not sure what the narrator's name is, but I do know her breasts are her
best feature. These four old college buddies get together every year to party
and dance and have a good time.
Nicolas, who is Jacala's husband, wasn't much to look at when they were all in
college. But this year ... wow! What a transformation! A few extra pounds,
longer hair, a stylish earring, a new goatee--Nicolas had become quite a hunk!
By the time the foursome had danced all night, 36C-28-35 was practically
creaming her panties!
But no marriage vows were broken that night. The couples paired off, husband
with wife. James and 36C-28-35 returned to their hotel room for a nice,
boisterous fuck, while Jacala and Nicolas tried to sleep in the next room. It
turned out Nicolas wasn't very sleepy, though. 36C-28-35 saw him standing in
the bathroom door, peeking and jerking off. Needless to say, the idea of
performing for an appreciative audience had 36C-28-35 popping off a couple
explosive orgasms.
The next morning, 36C-28-35 woke up to find her husband and Jacala gone to
breakfast. She was naked. She was horny. She was alone with Nicolas. Hmm. I
wonder what happens next?
This story has its share of silly parts. There are quite a few extraneous
details, and more than a handful of sex story cliches. The grammar and
spelling are, at times, pretty bad.
But other parts of this story are very well done. In fact, I thought the
final sex scene had some excellent passages. Oscar Paco has some talent. I
would encourage him to write more. I would also encourage him to find someone
to proof his stories before he posts them. If he cleaned it up some, he could
have a pretty good story here.
Ratings for "Old Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Ivan (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Shields" by Spoonbender (Theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk). Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343623343
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343822335
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343822344
This is an addendum to an earlier review. In the previous review of Shields I
marked Athena as a nine, and was subsequently informed that "colour" and
"flavour" are not the only words the English spell differently than their
American counterparts. My view of the world vastly expanded, I take this
opportunity to revisit my scores and award Spoonbender the triple tens he so
rightly deserves.
Revised ratings for "Shields"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Georgetta: The Bet" by Dolphin (dolphin31p@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420533
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420541
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420546
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350420554
Three CRs ago in CR#278 I reviewed a BDSM story, a bit unfavorably. This
story is three times the size of the last one and has basically the same
theme: woman looses bet, man gets to play God for a while. Both men dress
their women very elaborately. In this story, Georgetta is dressed like a
"Motorcycle slut from LA". Both women are ordered to have a dildo stuffed up
their pussy.
The last story was reviewed unfavorably, this story is going to get a very
good recommendation. So what's the difference you ask? Character and
respect. Where the previous BDSM story failed in my opinion was that the
woman was one-dimensional - she existed, nothing more. In this story,
Georgetta is vividly real with feelings, emotions, and desires that don't
always coincide with her lover's. "The Bet" is also about respect, trust, and
love. No one's needs are ignored, feelings are respected, and above
everything else this couple had a lot of fun and I enjoyed reading about it.
The author goes to a lot of trouble to make Georgetta AND the reader
anticipate the sex which is to come. For the most part it was highly
effective. The first twenty-three pages of this thirty-three page story (from
an Agent printout) are devoted to titillating and tantalizing both the reader
and Georgetta. And the finale pretty much lives up to all that buildup.
After so much sexy buildup, the finale coulda simply said "then he fucked her"
and that would probably be enough to throw the reader over the edge.
Oh there are a few cliches and assumptions like a woman when undressing will
immediately become as preoccupied with her breasts as a man would be (if it's
not a Celestial assumption, it should be). Then there is the generous
tolerance for the woman's multiple orgasms and a very short refractory time
for Chris. But hey - this is a stroke/trash/call the SO and get yer rocks off
story so I'm not going to knock off any points here. There are also a few
glitches in Athena but given the size of the story a few allowances can be
made here as well.
All in all, this is a most excellent story that serves as a wonderful
introduction to the joys of Bondage and it was very much enjoyed. If sex with
my future Mrs. ever borders on the mundane I think I'll revisit this story to
see how to put a little life back in the relationship.
Ratings for "Georgetta: The Bet"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10
"French Cuisine" by Rock Hancock (posted by Ed Shafer
<ems@srkesspo.wpo.state.ks.us>). Guest review by R'khaan
(rkhaan@ix.netcom.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350521826
This is a story of boy picks up girl at airport then girl blows guy in a
public place. We open with Walter waiting patiently for his wife, Sheila to
come in from wherever she had been. While he's waiting, he's thinking some
pretty interesting thoughts where his wife is concerned, leaving him with a
hard problem.
Eventually Walter and Sheila wind up in some French restaurant where Sheila
chooses to dine on her husband under the table, must to the utter confusion of
the waiter and customers in the area. Classic, getting your rocks off in a
public place stuff. Even though the story is funny, it lacks a certain...
something. The author fails to convey the pure naughty thrill of making out
in a public place. Nevertheless, this story is fairly well written
Ratings for "French Cuisine"
R'khaan (technical quality): 5
R'khaan (plot & character): 3
R'khaan (appeal to reviewer):3
"The Professor's Wife" by BillyG (hayden@mindless.com). Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=350503279
I always thought it was harder to pan a story than proclaim how wonderful it
is, but "The Professor's Wife" posed a bit of a dilemma for me. You see "The
Professor's Wife" was so wonderful I was able to internalize the story on so
many different levels that it's hard to decide how to focus the review.
"The Professor's Wife" is about Bill, an up-and-coming college professor and
his assistant, Judy. The first few pages talk about campus life and provide
some buildup for Bill's character. Bill goes into great detail about the
pretty college girls sunning themselves on the University lawn. So there's
one level. BillyG's descriptions were so vivid they evoked very fond memories
of my own college days and I'll be damned if I didn't admire the pretty
college girls sunning themselves on the University lawn as well.
Next we come up to the buildup for Judy's character. Now Judy is fairly tall
with petite tits and very nice legs who just happens to have a husband named
Bob. You see this is really a "Janey" story -- Billy just changed her name to
Judy so we wouldn't get suspicious. Even if this wasn't BillyG's intention,
this story fits so well within Janey's world that I would not have been
surprised in the least if Janey herself had not collaborated on the story. So
there we have the second level. Janey's my favorite fantasy babe and this
story more than lived up to my high expectations of a Janey story.
Bill and Judy flirt outrageously with each other and Judy goes out of her way
to give Bill some pretty good views of her anatomy. Which recalled a time
when I knew a woman who was a bit more forward than Judy and about whom I
won't go into too much detail about -- after all this is a review not a sex
story.
Eventually Judy treats Bill to a world class blow job and THANKS him for
letting her do it saying how "feminine" it made her feel (Is this the most
perfect woman or WHAT?). Now I've never had a woman thank me for letting her
give me a blow job (letting? Try begging, prodding, cajoling, and
blackmailing), but the story does indeed manage to recall similar experiences.
So you'll see I'm a bit biased when I say this is quite possibly one of the
best stories I've ever read. Period. There was not a page in this story that
I could not relate somehow to my RL experiences or my fantasies. While that
may make for a biased review I'd hasten to add that the quality of the writing
and the fantastic storytelling are more than enough to satisfy those who have
not been nearly as lucky as I. If you can't relate the events to your
experiences then BillyG will let you live them vicariously through his
writing.
"The Professor's Wife" is vivid, wonderful, flirtatious, voyeuristic, real,
tangible, tender, and so many other adjectives that you're just going to have
to read the story for yourself. It's worth it. I promise.
The plus (+) sign next to the appeal score indicates the story has been placed
in my own personal archive.
Ratings for "The Professor's Wife"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10+
"Control (Out of)" by Kevin Kangas (miraco12@aol.com). Reviewed by Fiddler.
Mick is removed from being a beach bum by a thick bank account. Kristina
(Kris) is a beauty who moves in across the street from him. He invites her
out for dinner, and they find that they have a great deal in common. On the
beach later that night, they develop even more in common.
The sex scene is nicely written. The author tried to wrap it in some
emotional commitment, at least on the part of the man. But not knowing why he
was so despairing in the first place, his recovery from that despair in the
arms of a woman doesn't affect us as much as it could. Another paragraph or
two motivating his weltshmertz would have helped.
So would some reasons for Kris's reciprocating his interest. Kris is somewhat
the intellectual's dream-woman. She is beautiful and interested in what
interests Mick and interested in Mick, nicer--but no more believable--than
those sex-crazed cheerleaders who populate the lower reaches of stroke-
fiction.
All in all, this was a competent story just missing top quality.
Ratings for "Control (out of)"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 8
"Friendship" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=349946948
{Note: Inadvertantly, I both reviewed this story myself and sent it to a guest
reviewer. So you get a bonus review this week!}
"Friendship Clause" is a very brief story, almost a short-short. It tells, in
first-person, of a young man, his female best friend, and a couple of times
they dared to see if their friendship could last a closer relationship.
I liked this story. It has considerable believability and a certain gentle
charm. Ultimately, unfortunately, it left me feeling a trifle unsatisfied. I
don't mean the sex; that's so brief it didn't even get me started. It is, I
think, the relating of the relationship itself. This story is so short that
you just get into the couple's heads, just start understanding and connecting
with them, and it's over. Maybe I'm greedy, but I wanted more.
And that is both my compliment and criticism. Brother Cadfael (not to be
confused with the 11th Century detective of the same name) has created a
couple I'd definately like to know more of. He has the talent; it's just a
shame he didn't take the time or energy to flesh them, and their relationship,
out a bit more.
There are about three typos that, when he redoes this story, I'm sure he'll
find and remove. They won't get in your way reading it.
Ratings for "Friendship Clause"
Athena (technical): 8
Aphrodite (sensual): 6
Apollo (personal): 9
* "Among Friends" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). "Warm naked female skin
presses against my palms in the darkness. She kisses me again, and her
breasts are smooth and soft and tender against my chest. I wonder who she
is?" Earlier that evening Our Hero had been with the two beautiful Allen
sisters and two of their female friends. The two friends were obviously in
love with each other, and the lustful ambiance caused Our Horny Hero to slip
away with Pat for some private passion. After he and Pat have punched each
other's tickets and have fallen asleep, Our Hero is vaguely awakened by the
naked presence of a person who makes tender love to him. As he drifts back to
sleep, he imagines who she might have been. Actually, he could figure it out
by waking up completely and thinking logically. But the images are all so
sweet that he hates to give any of them up. It could have been Julie rising
quietly from the other side of the bed and making love to him in the darkness,
struggling to suppress her usual orgasmic screams. It could have been Rachel
creeping from Ariana's side and coming down the stairs, coming to him and
giving herself to him for old times' sake. Or, most erotic of all because
most unfamiliar, it could have been red-haired Ariana impaled on his cock, her
small breasts bouncing as she rode him to orgasm and he pulled her pale stiff
nipples. Sleep overtakes him, and he falls happily into the arms of his
unknown assailant, and Julie and Rachel and Ariana swirl naked around him in
his mind, their eyes happy and their bodies flushed with sex. In his dreams
Pat stands behind them all and runs her hands down over the curves of her
body, and he quietly fucks them all in his flights of fancy until morning.
I'd really like to know if guys find this story as erotic as I did!
Ratings for "Among Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Cinnamon" by Patrick Donovan (drwho@world.std.com). This is a vivid
description of the narrator making love to Alicia in a beautiful cove by the
ocean on a moonlit night. It is an extremely well-written story; and I
recommend it strongly. I had never thought of using warm cinnamon oil in the
manner described in this story. What I would like to know is whether that
liquid when heated and rubbed gently into the appropriate aperture really does
serve as an effective lubricant for anal intercourse.
Ratings for "Cinnamon"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Cobbler's Bench" by Dafney Dewitt. The four female friends have
gathered and Jackie's house to play Truth or Dare. It will be a night for
telling stories. The rules of the game are simple. Each of the women will try
to tell the scariest, sexiest story that she can. The others have to guess if
the story is True or just a Daring Lie. Whoever tells the scariest, sexiest
story that is believed to be true will win. The only other rule is that there
are no other rules. Everything is fair game. The winner can do anything to
win.
The other important element of the story is that Jackie tells her friends that
her daughter's pet ferret has escaped. Of course, ferrets like to burrow into
very small dark holes. If you pull on their tails, they may bite. Many pet
owners have had their fingers bitten to the bone and nearly amputated. The
Japanese are reputed to have used ferrets to torture prisoners. I wonder what
role the ferret will play in this story!
This was a thoroughly enjoyable story!
Ratings for "The Cobbler's Bench"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Fresh Air and Exercise" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Some readers
have commented to me that they are impressed that I can turn out two lengthy
sets of reviews each week. Actually, my job is not all that hard - as long as
I can find the time to read the stories. Good stories trigger a reaction in
me that makes it easy for me to say something interesting. As I have grown
accustomed to the job, I have let more of myself flow into my reviews; and I
think readers enjoy this. And even bad stories trigger a reaction of some
sort. So my main burden is meeting a deadline.
The people that really impress me are the authors who come up with really
creative ideas. Up to a month ago, for example, I had never heard of Mark
Aster. Then one day he sent me a story, which (as I recall) I rated a "5."
Since then I have received more stories at the rate of 2 to 4 a week. I
realize that he's working from a bit of a backlog - but my question is, where
does he get all these creative ideas? Maybe people who can do this just have
a hot sex life - or fantasize a lot while they masturbate.
The last time I left Our Hero and the Allen Sisters, they had just crashed
after a bad drug trip accompanied by some grotesque sex. Here they clean it
all out of their system with some good clean rapture in the great outdoors.
If you've never read one of this author's stories before, you'll perhaps be
more impressed than I was with this one. This is by no means a bad story;
it's clearly written, but there's really little plot to it - just two sexy
young ladies and a healthy stud fucking their brains out during a camping
trip.
Ratings for "Fresh Air and Exercise"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8