Celestial Reviews 275 - April 15, 1998
Note: This issue I have pick-up lines heard round the world and what you could
say back to them
May I see you pretty soon?
Don't you think I'm pretty now?
I know how to please a woman.
Then please leave me alone.
I want to give myself to you.
Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Your hair color is fabulous.
Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
You look like a dream.
Go back to sleep.
I can tell that you want me.
Yes, I want you to leave.
Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Stop.
I'd go through anything for you.
Let's start with your bank account.
May I have the last dance?
You've just had it.
I would go to the end of the world for you.
Yes, but would you stay there?
Your place or mine?
Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.
Is this seat empty?
Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world?
What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Second note: Following a shipwreck, a 10-year-old boy is the only survivor on
a desert island. He grows to manhood, and when he turns 25 there is another
storm that destroys another ship.
This time a lovely 21-year-old girl is the only survivor. After about 3 weeks
on the island she asks him what he does for entertainment. "I dig for clams,"
is the reply.
"What about sex?" she asks.
"Sex? What is sex?" he answers.
She tries to explain it to him, but is just not getting through. Finally, in
frustration she throws him to the ground and demonstrates what sex is.
While basking in the afterglow, she hears him sobbing. She turns to him and
asks, "What is the matter? Did I hurt you? What's wrong?"
He points at his groin and cries out, "Look what you did to my clam digger!"
Third note: All of my past Celestial Reviews are now archived at
ftp://asstr.ml.org/pub/Collections/Celestial_Reviews/. This is not "my"
archive; so don't ask me questions about how it operates or complain to me
when it goes down. I have no official web site of my own, but I am usually
willing to cooperate with anyone who wishes to post my reviews, and I am
grateful for their help.
Fourth note: Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it
take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Fire and Ice" by Delta (nostalgic romance) 10, 10, 10
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343810955
"My Girls" by BlueLady (poetic threesome) 8, 10, 10
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344151887
"Bound and Helpless" by EzRiter (mild bondage) 9, 9, 9
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342174333 (*)
(*) Post not by author.
"Dealing with a Bastard" by EzRiter (threesome) 9, 9, 9
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342543702 (*)
(*) Post not by author
"At The Movies" by Rajah Dodger (porn movie & sex) 10, 8, 8
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=209854771
"A Flirt Too Far" by Rajah Dodger (office sex) 10, 8, 8
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=228588026
"Journey's End" by Sven the Elder (hot time on a cool night)
10, 10, 10
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344151888
"Blood and Sand" by DG (boxing and sexy romance) 10, 10, 10
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344297594
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344297604
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=344297622
"Good Neighbor" by Jean-Marc Conier (light bondage & anal sex)
10, 10, 10
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341492790
Guest Reviews:
"Dragonlily" by LeAnna (unrequited love) 9, 7.5, 6
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339696891
"Flashback" by Magician (foot fetish) 9, 9, 9
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343822374
"Unexpected Rewards" by D. Nasakcuf (foot fetish) 8, 9, 6
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339651353 (*)
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=339651345 (*)
(*) Repost not by author.
"The Coffee Break" by Sybian (cum drinking) 6, 7, 6
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342871394
"The Old Man's Office" by Godiva (business sex) 9, 7, 9
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343676503
"Fusebox" by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (subcontinental sex)
9
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342550072
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=342555682
"Sugar Daddy" by Don Ellis {Intergenerational Romance}
10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=343815345
"He Left" by LeAnna (sexy psychology) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=341391330
Reposted Reviews:
* "Seen by Air" by Rajah Dodger (mile high public sex)
10, 9, 9
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333742117
* "ManDance" by Rajah Dodger (rock music & bondage) 9, 9, 9
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=209011081
* "Virtual Reality" by Rajah Dodger (virtual reality sex)
10, 8, 8
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=210064455
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
========================
On this day in Celestial History..
Celestial Reviews #76 - April 17, 1996
========================
* "The New Toy" by Mark Aster (group sex with a
dildo) 10, 10, 10
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=195361586
* "Do You Want It?" by Mark Aster (voyeurism and sex
in the outdoors) 10, 10, 10
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=212316703
=============
"Fire and Ice" by Delta (delta@nym.alias.net). The narrator, who writes erotic
short stories, receives an anonymous e-mail message asking him to meet
"Jeanne" on April 1. He knows only one person by that name, but since he has
not seen her in a very long time and since he writes under a pseudonym, he
doesn't really know whether this request is a genuine invitation or some sort
of April Fool's prank.
They are to meet at a place called the Fire on Ice; and during the interim he
reminisces about the Fire and Ice of their relationship. What will happen?
Will it be the tiger or the lady who comes through the door? Will the
relationship spring back to life or will it be all over? There are some
things I'm just not going to tell you in this review.
This is a very good story.
Ratings for "Fire and Ice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Girls" by BlueLady (bluelady16@aol.com). This is a very hot poem -
probably the best of the recent series posted by this author - except that its
grammar is seriously flawed.
Poetry is supposed to be emotional, and so poets are granted a poetic license,
which means that they can say some things that would otherwise be pretty
stupid and break some of the rules of grammar with impunity. Therefore, it's
sometimes difficult to differentiate between common mistakes and poetic
license in stories like this one.
Omitting capitalization and punctuation is often a deliberate technique that a
poet uses in order to achieve a purpose - such as to convey intensity or to
make the reader become more active in the reading process. In fact, e.e.
cummings made the absence of capitalization his trademark. However, if an
author capitalizes some words and not others and shows no logic for doing so,
this "technique" becomes a distraction that detracts from the impact of the
poem.
Likewise, an author may deliberately misuse words {"lay" for "lie," perhaps}
in order to impart an impression of the natural way a character might talk.
This is OK, but it has to be done consistently. If it's done inconsistently,
this "technique" is another distraction that may detract from the impact of
the poem.
My general rule is that if an apparent mistake serves no useful purpose, it's
an error; and if the mistake distracts from the impact of the poem, then it's
a serious error.
The author begins the present poem with "laying back" where "lying back" is
obviously appropriate. Then we have "each others shirts" and "there hands."
Then "he felt their tongue" - shouldn't this be "tongues" or is the author
actually trying to wax poetic by suggesting that the two ladies shared a
single tongue? I doubt it - but if challenged on an English exam, I certainly
would give that rationalization a try. My point here, however, is that these
errors are distracting.
This same author recently entitled a poem "Masterbation." That's not the way
we spell that word. Perhaps it's no big thing <pun not intended>, but the
misspelling was a distraction when I read the poem.
This author borders on genius, but even a genius should use the language more
correctly.
Without the errors this would be the contender for the best story of the
month. Even with the errors, it's still a darned good poem.
Ratings for "My Girls"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Bound and Helpless" by EzRiter (Posted by "Don Ellis" <dee@onramp.net>). Our
narrator's friend Dave has gotten pissed off at his sister Helen and has tied
her up to a basketball pole in the back yard, where our narrator comes upon
her <pun intended>. He disguises his voice and threatens to rape her. This
scares the bejesus out of her; but when she finds out who it really is, she
decides to go steady with him, and they live happily ever after.
I would call this plot sophomoric, but the author (who is probably a freshman)
would probably consider that to be a compliment. The plot sounds simplistic,
but it really was a pretty nice story.
This author makes a common grammatical error: a coordinating conjunction
FOLLOWED by a comma - as in "... but, she acted like she ignored me...." When
combining clauses, the comma properly goes BEFORE the "and" or "but."
Ratings for "Bound and Helpless"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Dealing with a Bastard" by EzRiter (Posted by "Don Ellis" <dee@onramp.net>).
Jack, the eponymous hero of this story, is not a literal bastard; the term is
a metaphor - a synonym for "asshole." Actually, he's not an asshole either:
the term is a sort of pet name for a delightful fellow who manages to have his
way with two women - the bastard!
Ya see - Jack is bopping Mary, but he has also been playing the furry fiddle
with her best friend Debbie. They don't object to this arrangement (since
they are best friends and used to do wonderful things to each other and would
again if given the chance), but they do object to Yvonne, a DDD specimen who
is seven years younger. I presume the letters in the preceding sentence refer
to Yvonne's grades in English, math, and science.
Anyway, Jack and the girls negotiate; and the three become one Big Happy
Family.
Ratings for "Dealing with a Bastard"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"At The Movies" by Rajah Dodger (rdodger@hotmail.com). The man is watching a
porn movie with his lover. While we hear the description of what is happening
on the screen, we also hear what they are doing with each other. It's very
good action.
The main problem with this story is the second-person ("you") perspective. I
had one reviewer return this story to me because he said he couldn't get into
the perspective, because the author insisted that the reader be a female.
When I read it (as a female), I was still distracted. I urge you authors - do
NOT write from the "you and I" perspective unless you are doing so for a
purpose. If you write a story for your on-line lover, have the patience to
revise it for a more general audience before posting it for the world at
large.
Ratings for "At The Movies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"A Flirt Too Far" by Rajah Dodger (rdodger@hotmail.com). The man and his wife
have fallen into a routine where their sex lives are dull and uninspiring. To
compensate, the guy flirts with the women at the office and downloads dirty
stuff from the Internet. Nell the secretary figures this out and comes on to
him - actually, he cums pretty much onto himself. The story ends with a
foreboding hint of blackmail.
The moral of the story is to get your sex at home or at least to have a
password that keeps other people from discovering that you are an Internet
pervert.
Ratings for "A Flirt Too Far"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Journey's End" by Sven the Elder (sven@brass-neck.demon.co.uk). Sometimes I
get the Impression that when Sven the Elder was Younger, he was one hot guy!
Maybe he still is.
In this story Sven is riding home in a crowded car from a dance. Seated
securely on his lap is a somewhat older girl who is not his girlfriend and
with whom he has never shared any mutual interest up to this time. Something
pops up, if you know what I mean <wink>. She jockeys for position; but before
they consummate, the ride is over. No problem; she asks her Dad, who is
driving the car, to swing by and pick her up after he drops off the other
kids. For the next twenty minutes they have a hot time on a cool night.
This is a very good story.
Ratings for "Journey's End"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Blood and Sand" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). This is a fully developed,
multidimensional story. It starts off with Fabian Barnes the gardener, doing
"inside work" for the lady whose lawn he mows <wink>. So we think we're in
for one of those familiar weak imitations of Lady Chatterly's Lover. No way,
Jose! This is a sex-and-boxing story.
It turns out that Jack gets involved with beach brawling - an illegal form of
boxing. He's good at it, and soon Jack is having a merry time with Janice the
boxing groupie. But she's just another distraction along the way. The real
target is Lissa, a high-school senior, who is jerking off before a beach brawl
the first time we meet her. After the brawl, she engages in more complete
activity (her first time) with Jack, who has just defeated her brother in the
fight.
Anyway, Lissa and Jack fall in love, but then her brother discovers that Jack
has gotten Lissa pregnant, and he has sworn to his mother that he will kill
anyone that hurts his little sister. Memories of Romeo and Juliet! How would
Will Shakespeare handle the denouement? Actually, the author handles it more
the way the Bard would have had Friar Laurence been a licensed counselor.
This is another excellent story!
Ratings for "Blood and Sand"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Good Neighbor" by Jean-Marc Conier. As is the custom in many families, our
narrator's wife has tied him up and gotten him turned on, and then has left
him there (still tied up) with a lesbian video to watch while she runs some
errands. Well, the neighbor, who has the key to the house, comes upon him -
or I guess he cums upon her this time. She's upset because her boyfriend has
stood her up, even after she has gone to great trouble to look really great
for him. Even though he's all tied up at the moment, our narrator takes pity
and rises to the occasion. She exploits her captive audience to the fullest.
This story is not based on deep thought. It's just cute and sexy.
Ratings for "Good Neighbor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dragonlily" by LeAnna (leanna1@hotmail.com). Guest review by Nick
(nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk).
(First a general point covering my marking. In short anything above 6 is a
definite recommendation to read, 10 I would gladly have paid good money for
the privilege! Apply this loosely across the three categories.)
This is a story about unrequited love. A shy awkward young boy is seduced by a
beautiful redhead. He falls in love with her, but she seems to be basically
playing with him, being engaged to another.
This is well enough written and is hard to find serious fault. My two main
criticisms are that it perhaps went on too long and that we never found out
much about other aspects of the girl than that she was a jolly good fuck! I
think for these reasons it didn't do much for me in the end.
This was a male POV written (presumably) by a woman. I did start out wondering
if this would show, and in the end it didn't - at least not enough to cause a
problem. The plot was certainly able to make me forget this anyway.
In short I think this is quite a promising piece, but it's not really quite
there for me.
Ratings for "DragonLily"
Athena (technical) - 9
Venus (plot and character) - 7.5
Nick (appeal to me) - 6
"Flashback" by Magician (a-magician@mailcity.com). This review is the personal
opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net
Well now, this is an odd one. One person's fetish is often another person's
joke. As I read this, I couldn't help it; I had a smile playing about my lips
for at least the first third of the story, not least because the self-
satisfied preening of the narrator.
It's just a guy relating his rather odd obsession with women's feet. He goes
into great detail as to just what it is about them that he likes, and then
launches into relating his greatest fantasy, and promptly includes all the
elements he's previously mentioned. Whichever way you look at it, it's quite
an accomplishment to create a sense of deja vu within the first half of such a
short story.
But then a funny thing happens. Without warning the story isn't a vaguely
amusing wander down the back alleys of human sexuality anymore, but turns into
something a deal more interesting, if perhaps bleaker.
As an example of how a woman can be turned into an incidental object for a
man's off-center desires, this story is very well done. All of which leaves me
in a quandary. Is this the simple straightforward telling of a fetishist's
desires, or is this a very adept author getting into the mind of somebody with
those fetishes? The only answer is -- I have no idea. So, to follow my own
guidelines, I'll have to go with the second option.
Under such circumstances, I'd have to say it's a very interesting piece of
writing. Now all I've got to do is work out if it appealed to me... <sigh>.
Ratings for "Flashback"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (no complaints)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (I like stories that hint at deeper
meanings)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 9 (Don't think many folk will find it
arousing, but I like "odd")
"Unexpected Rewards" by D. Nasakcuf. Guest review by Theodore Spoonbender
(theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk).
This is the story of a College Nerd's coming of age. It is also a story about
Foot Fetishism. Now I'm the first to admit that this sort of thing is not
exactly my cup of tea. If a young lady was to suddenly aim her foot directly
at my crotch my immediate reaction wouldn't be 'Oh right, she's going to get
me off.' But then again, if people like it, then who am I to put 'em down?
The story itself revolves around a College Student who completes some work for
a couple of girls in his class who reward him by masturbating him with their
feet. Now as fantasies go it is probably more fantastic than most. For a
start he managed to find two teenaged girls with a social conscience that
would have left Mother Theresa feeling guilty, coupled with a perception that
would make Plato look positively dizzy. For example if I stared at a woman's
feet would she immediately think 'Ah, he wants me to masturbate him with my
foot.'? I suggest not. I...ahem.. have been known to peruse a woman's
mammaries but that doesn't mean that......Anyway I'm sure you get the picture.
Also, if I were taken back to a private apartment with two nubile young ladies
then my first thought wouldn't be that I yearned to watch the Return of the
Jedi. But then again I might just be a little jaded.
Overall the story was fairly well written and quite enjoyable, as it happens.
Although it did have a few too many 'in' words for someone from this side of
the Pond and, at one stage, it sounded like a class tutor's homily on the
perils of leaving it too late to complete your work. Other than that, it
showed a goodly amount of imagination and, in my opinion, artistic flair. I
could never say I'd ever love this genre but I did find myself getting through
it without feeling homicidal, so it couldn't have been all bad. If I had to
sum it up in one word, I'd say it was 'cute'.
Ratings for "Unexpected Rewards"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Spoonbender (appeal to reviewer): 6
"The Coffee Break" by Sybian (sybian1@aol.com). Guest review by BillyG
(hayden@mindless.com).
Timing and pace are vitally important. The spoken word cannot convey humor or
drama without a sense of timing. In a similar fashion, the written word loses
impact without pace or rhythm. Run-on paragraphs, just like run-on sentences,
lose us as well as the erotic message they may carry.
Poorly formatted stories, sometimes appearing as huge blocks of text
consisting of multiple quotes and scenes, often leave the reader scratching
their head and wondering just what the devil is going on. This can be
technical (and overcome), it may be neglect or worse, indifference.
The story "The Coffee Break" borders on this run-on fault were it not so
short. In truth, it's not a story. At best it's a scene that could well be
part of a larger tale. I'll share what I think are the shortcoming of this
story, those things that are offputting and distance readers from the gate.
Any story written in the second person singular present tense - ("My cock is
in my fist, pumping, as you sit and watch.") - by construction limits
identification and intimacy. Who is "you" in this story? This construction
permits intimacy only between the author and the intended recipient, certainly
not us. It may hold some appeal to a voyeur but has an atrophied appeal to
those who would prefer to be pulled into the story's intimacy.
A story written in block form - the run-on paragraph - requires that the
reader *work* at the story. It requires that we figure it out as we go (if we
go). I suspect it's not employed as a writing device as much as a lack of
device, or organization, or discipline. As such, the positive aspects of a
story are hidden, masked and largely unavailable to us.
The story's so short, I reformatted it to read again. It helped, the
grammatical errors notwithstanding. maggie (sic), who's drinking coffee from
a cup labeled "slave," is very directive in instructing Steven to ejaculate
into her cup as she masturbates him. That's it. That the scene. It's not
clear who's the dominant and who's the submissive in this tale and indeed,
it's moot.
The scene's too short to be seductive or erotic, but it's brevity permits your
scanning it. In fact, it's only one paragraph that you might read on your way
to accepting or rejecting it. I'd vote for the later.
Ratings for "The Coffee Break"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 7
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 6
"The Old Man's Office" by Godiva (Godiva@starmail.com). Guest review by
Fiddler.
Ryder and Dahlia are engaged in a conspiracy to take over a company from
Ryder's uncle, the "old man" of the title. They seal their agreement by
having sex on the couch in the old man's office. One of the pleasures of this
story is that the reader learns what is really going on, and even what will go
on next, without ever being told. The sex isn't very sexy, but it wasn't
intended to be.
The language doesn't quite live up to the plotting, however. Dahlia, as
described, is hardly the type of person to use "maroon" for moron; does
anyone off Usenet do that? Another problem with the story is that the author
chose to post it in MIME.
It was certainly a story, however, which makes me want to read the author's
next one.
Ratings for "The Old Man's Office"
Athena: 9
Venus: 7
Fiddler: 9
"Fusebox" by Mary Jorsay Gandmar. Guest review by Dave Myers.
MJG is the real deal. I used to find MJG to be one of the most inscrutable and
literary of the a.s.s.m regulars. From her writing it is clear that she is a
rather non-traditional (!) Indian woman. After a visit to her web site
(http://www.comports.com/scandalpoint), I can say that she is the genuine
article.
As with the women in her stories, and to hear her tell it on her website, MJG
just plain loves to fuck. Give her a big, strapping, animalistic man of any
caste, any time, anywhere, and she's a happy camper.
Honestly, I don't care about her personal life. So why am I writing this? The
most sensational feature of MJG is that she is such a good writer that is
doesn't matter whether or not she has lived every moment of the lives of her
characters. The woman depicted in "Fusebox" is a lawyer moonlighting as a
worker in the strip shows on the seedy side of Indian life, screws her
chauffeur, her mechanic (who fixes her "Fusebox"), and a judge. What makes the
stories click is the flicker of reality and the sense that MJG knows what the
environment is like where her characters work (and play!). Only a handful of
other writers of a.s.s.m are so lucid.
Now, erotica is one of the few genres where the adage "write what you know
most about" is probably not very good advice, so the realness of a story is no
litmus test for whether or not grand poetic license has been invoked. Maybe
MJG is a first-hand expert on sex with lots of partners, and maybe not. It
doesn't matter; for when I say she is "the real deal" or the "genuine
article", I mean as a WRITER. Her craft is good enough to convince us that her
first person narrative in "Fusebox" (and many of her other stories) is from
the heart. In a.s.s.m, it's rare that you come away from a story feeling as if
you were delivered a brief glimpse into the head of a woman who "just plain
loves to fuck."
I have only two minor gripes with this story. Near the beginning of "Fusebox",
MJG nearly pulls off a major coup of erotic fiction by introducing her
narrator as a lawyer who works for a firm that also dabbles in the sex
industry. Plunging the reader head first into the world of porn-making, strip
shows, and prostitution, MJG almost manages to paint the picture of a
hedonistic bad-girl without loss of credibility. Had there been a little more
literary preparation, I would be able to get rid of the "nearly" and the
"almost" from the sentences above. Also, while it makes sense for her
mechanic/lover to express initial disbelief over her exploits, the amount of
chatter concerning other characters' awe over her trysts is unnecessary.
Neither of these complaints weakens this text very much. While this is not one
of MJG's more ambitious projects, it's a great story.
[NOTE: From her web site, it appears this author has a number of stories that
have never been posted on Usenet and are unavailable as hypertext. MJG
continues to deliver a unique voice to this group, and I certainly hope she
receives enough encouragement to make some of her older works publicly
available.]
Rating for "Fusebox": 9
"Sugar Daddy" by Unknown Author (posted by Don Ellis <dee@onramp.net>).
Guest review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
While at the mall, that American bastion of hot singles action, Jack bumps
into Laura, his daughter's best friend. That almost sounds like a pedo setup,
but Laura is a mature twenty-two with brand new divorce papers. Well,
needless to say this couple turns the formerly "very close, friendly, warm,
but non-sexual relationship" into a sexual relationship. "Sugar daddy" is
used almost as an inside joke to get the ball rolling, but really it's a sweet
story of two friends who become lovers.
Generally my only problem was that the story tended to gloss over the rather
sticky problem of turning a non-sexual relationship sexual. One might also
wonder what Jack's daughter would think of all this, though I really don't
think the readers are supposed to ponder that particular point. Still it's a
very nice romantic piece that turned out to be a very enjoyable read.
Ratings for "Sugar Daddy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 9
"He Left" by LeAnna (leanna1@hotmail.com). Guest review by Sandman
(sandman@bitsmart.com).
This is an extraordinarily simple, yet effective story about a woman
discussing her boyfriend with her psychiatrist. The brutally honest and frank
feminine point of view stands in such stark contrast to the wham-bam-thank-ya-
mam stories that flood this group that I could not help but be impressed.
This isn't pornography but it is sexy, real and very thought provoking.
"He Left" is a hand-held, guided tour into a woman's soul. It is beautifully
written, but more than that it is honest. I can think of no higher
compliment to pay to a story than that. It's honest. It doesn't gloss, it
doesn't tint with rose colored lenses, there are no illusions, no smoke and
mirrors, no orgasms that move the earth and change lives, what's left behind
is a person so real you can almost feel her lashes as they tickle her cheeks.
The "beta" version as the author calls her first attempt would still have
gleaned perfect marks from me, the final cut does no less. I liked this
story. I *REALLY* liked this story a lot. Honest.
Ratings for "He Left"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10+
* "Seen by Air" by Rajah Dodger. The story continues with the woman falling
asleep and awakening to the voice of the stewardess in a darkened cabin: "Do
you have a fever?.. You look hot." Her bedside manner does nothing to cool
the woman down. Shortly thereafter, the woman goes to the bathroom and
returns to find the stewardess in her seat, next to her sleeping husband. And
then... You'll have to read the story yourself to find out.
Ratings for "Seen by Air"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "ManDance" by Rajah Dodger (an179705@anon.penet.fi). A man gets a bright
idea: Why hit the bars, blowing money in each one until he found a girl who
was in the mood, when there was one place sure to be stocked with horny women?
So he heads for the male strippers club and waits outside at closing time. He
picks up three hot and horny young ladies leaving the establishment, goes to
the house of one of them, and does a private show for them. But wait a
minute! Suddenly he finds himself bound and handcuffed and forced to eat a
cunt while someone fools around with his asshole and all kinds of vile things
happen to him. Oh well, forgive and forget!
Ratings for "Virtual Reality"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Virtual Reality" by Rajah Dodger (rdodger@mailmasher.com). Carol signs
herself and her boyfriend up for a sexual virtual reality experience. The
story is currently incomplete. It consists of separate descriptions of what
happens to Ken and to Carol. It's difficult to tell when reality ends and
fantasy begins, but that's the idea. Important ideas are undeveloped, but
that's because the story is incomplete. I suppose the author wouldn't mind if
you sent him ideas or even developed your own plots along the same lines.
It's a creative train of thought.
Ratings for "Virtual Reality"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
* "The New Toy" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com).. This story begins with
these words: "I didn't know they MADE double-ended strap-on vibrating dildos!"
This statement is elicited when Pat and Julie receive via UPS an example of
this device from Miranda Brannigan, just as Sondra Hernandez (a comely police
officer) arrives to return a cup of Folger's coffee.
One could get almost a full education reading stories like this. Just look at
this excerpt: "Naked and completely unselfconscious, Pat and Julie stood for a
moment looking at each other. I sat on the couch, my penis coming quickly to
attention, and my skin prickling. Sondra plopped down beside me, her thin
muscular haunch up against my hip." This veritable cornucopia of properly
placed participial and absolute phrases - all correctly used - would make
almost any non-dysfunctional English teacher come on the spot. And look at
the cultural anthropology: Sondra Hernandez fucks almost as well as she
sounds.
Wait a minute! I spy a grammatical problem! "Pat bent down and kissed her
delicately on the smooth skin of her inner thigh, then again on her labia.
She sighed." It's not really clear who's sighing now - "Who's Sighing Now?" -
Isn't that the title of a song by Patsy Cline?
The lessons in positional geometry are abundant. Even theology plays a role
in this story: ""Oh, God, Pat, oh God just put it IN!"
See if you can find the one sentence in this story that brought to my mind my
favorite Tom Swifty: "The newlywed was fucking his wife with abandon."
This story is a good example of hot sex, but it's also a good example of good
writing. I poked fun earlier in this review at the participial and absolute
phrases, but aspiring writers could benefit from taking a good look at how
this author uses those parts of speech to make a good story even better. Of
course, aspiring writers might also benefit from Pat and Julie's lessons on
how to handle their new toy.
Ratings for "The New Toy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Do You Want It?" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). I've been lurking at my
computer, ready to pounce on this author as soon as he makes a mistake. He
patiently sends me each of his stories shortly before he posts it, and I
eagerly devour each one - expecting that the string of good stories will have
to end. After all, his plots are largely similar: hot sex between or among
two or more friends or strangers of the same or different gender, usually with
one or more persons watching and having sex while the featured couple or
menage do their thing. That storyline eventually has to get boring, doesn't
it?
Well, not yet. Maybe it's because my computer was down for the last week or
so, but I found this story to be one of Mark's most erotic ever.
I live my real life in an interestingly boring world where I have not yet and
probably will never will utter the sentence, "Do you want it?" under
circumstances quite the same as those depicted in this story. Mark Aster
writes about an imaginary world where there are no sexually transmitted
diseases and where casual sex is not likely to ruin some of the best things in
life - in short, a world where recreational sex is almost always the wonderful
fun that it is on the best occasions in my real life.
I would LIKE to live in Mark's world; and I do live there in my imagination.
If I did live there and if I came upon a really cute guy watching a really
sexy girl masturbate, I'd look him straight in the eye and shock his socks off
by asking him, "Do you want it?" Then I'd casually remove whatever clothing
would obscure and impede his access to my ass and pussy, and I'd lean on the
bridge in front of him, so that I could watch the lady do her work and so that
he would have to look past me to see her. I'd let him fondle, kiss,
penetrate, and generally do wonderful things to my anatomy. I'd let my pussy
muscles return the favor without distracting me even a moment from the
interesting object of our mutual admiration; and when the young lady that
originally attracted his interest would eventually look up, I'd lock eyes with
her and let her know across the distance that I was every bit as happy as she
was. As a final touch that the author did not think of, I'd wink when I
managed to time my climax with hers.
I don't live in Mark's imaginary world, but my husband has his Sports
Illustrated swimsuit calendar near my computer. While I read Mark's story
after school this afternoon, I found myself glancing at that calendar; and
Miss April and I managed to merge Mark's world with my own in a way that made
me very happy. As I'm writing this review, Miss April is still there, and I'm
getting horny again; and as soon as I finish this sentence, I'm going to head
for the bedroom, summarize this story to my husband, and see if he wants it.
It's now morning; and he did want it - twice! That's a total of five raging
orgasms in less than 24 hours from one story! I suggest you read it.
It's now late afternoon. I made it through the day with all those sexy people
in the teachers' lounge without giving way to my lust. As I glanced back over
this story before writing the next review, I realized that there's one more
idea that I wanted to mention. I have on several occasions commented on
interracial sex. I think it's wonderful that people want to make love to
people of other races; but I have expressed concern that so many of the
newsgroup stories focus on people of one race humiliating those of another.
Or Black men are often described as possessing animalistic qualities that make
them distinctly different from their white counterparts. The present story
handled interracial sex wonderfully. The woman who was masturbating while
reading her book was a Black woman. There was no implication that there was
anything abnormal about the woman - in the author's imaginary world all
sensible people are sexy and sensuous and give pleasure to themselves and to
others. But neither the woman's personality nor the color of her skin was
irrelevant; rather these factors were treated as a natural part of a hot
story.
Skin color is not invisible. I like my own skin. I love to run my fingers
over it, especially when I'm turned on; and I hate its blemishes - although my
husband claims these make me more attractive. My skin happens to be white and
my hair happens to be dark and my eyes brown. These are very sexy skin, hair,
and eyes; and so were those of the woman in the story and of the model on the
calendar. It's beautiful and natural to take all of these things into
consideration when telling or reading a story about sexy people. What I am
trying to say is that an unexpected extra of this story is that the author
managed to introduce race in such a natural way that it simply became a
realistic, natural part of what I
would normally notice in a sexy setting. I really liked the way he handled
that detail.
Ratings for "Do You Want It?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10