Celestial Reviews 270 - March 28, 1998
Note: It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo.
She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps.
As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large
gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one hand (and two feet), grunting and
pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty
lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that
his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips,
wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more
excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests
that she let one of her straps fall; she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about
to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs!" This
drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, the husband quickly grabs his
wife, rips open the door to the cage, throws her in with the gorilla and says,
"Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
Second note: A lady wanted bigger breasts, and so she went to her doctor to
get a referral to a plastic surgeon. Her doctor said he would like her to try
an exercise before surgery, and see how it works first. He stood up to
demonstrate, held his arms straight out to the side, rotated them
counterclockwise, and said, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; if I do this
enough, I'll have a big bust." The doctor had her try it. Then he told her to
do it as often as she could, and to come back in a week.
One week later, she was back at the doctor, and told him that it didn't work.
The doctor asked her how often she did the exercise, and she said 4-5 times a
day. The doctor told her to do it more often, 30 times a day at least, and
told her to come back again in a week. She followed his instructions,
performing the exercise whenever she could.
One day, as she waited to check out at Safeway, she started her exercise.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; if I do this enough, I'll have a big bust."
The man in front of her turned around, asked if she was seeing Dr. Johnson.
"Yes, how did you know?" she queried.
The man faced her, placed both hands on his hips, moved his hips in a circular
motion, and began, "Hickory dickory dock......."
Third note: This one's apparently true: In Melbourne, Australia, one of the
radio stations paid money for people to tell their most embarrassing stories.
This one netted the proud owner $300.
As the lady said . . .
I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist, when early
one morning I received a call from his office that I had been rescheduled for
an appointment early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only just packed
everyone off to work and school, and it was around 8:45 a.m. already. The
trip to his office usually took about thirty-five minutes; so I didn't have
any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when
making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full
effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth
and gave myself a wash "in that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care
to make sure that I was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes
basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car, and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when the doctor called me in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you all do, I hopped up on the table,
looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or
some other place a million miles away from there. I was a little surprised
when he said, "My . . . we have taken a little extra effort this morning,
haven't we?", but I didn't respond.
The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of
the day went normally - some shopping, cleaning, the evening meal, etc. At
8:30 that evening my 18-year-old daughter was fixing to go to a school dance
when she called down from the bathroom, "Mom, where's my washcloth?" I called
back for her to get another from the cabinet. She called back, "No, I need
the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles in it."
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Janey's Trip" by Janey (spring orgy) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337242624
"Mother's Day" by Bronwen (slutty wife fantasy) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337518609
"The Writes of Spring" by TMC (orgiastic poetry) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337646704
"Indefinite Antecedents - Grammar Unapproved by Celeste"
by JohnGalt (telephone exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338066741
"Fill It to the Rim" by jamuga@ix.netcom.com (anal orgy) 10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=213451078
"Eruption" by Marsupalami (mythological sex) 8, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336298185
"What Mary Needs" by DG (sex & dreams) 10, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337029417
"A Jewel of a Woman" by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(female masturbation) 10, 9, 9,
(Not Archived. See Mary Anne's website at
http://www.iam.com/maryanne)
"Hold Me" by Anne Arbor (rough but friendly sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338093610
Guest Reviews:
"Something Borrowed" by S. Leigh Farmer (TG mistaken identity)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336307629 01
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336373264 02
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336373276 03
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336373290 04
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336373300 05
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336373312 06
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336373323 07
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336376684 08
"A Taste of Heaven" by Para999 (sex & business) 8, 7, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334376027
"That Smell" by See-El (scentuous sex) 7, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=332744041
"The Sundial: the Hour of Beginnings" by Thomas M.
Carvett (Timely Sex) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336474085
"The Metamorphosis of Lare Kane" by Lara Kane (sexual
emergence) 9, 8, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337717895
"The Black Crows of Morden" by Spoonbender (dark side of
sex) 9, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338093612
"Dancing In the Dark" by "Weird Writer" (Sex by Braille)
10, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334660359
"Fingerprints" by Anne Arbor (sexual assignation) 8,7, 8
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337029412
"Supermodels" by Jan V (ff superemodel sex) 6, 6, 5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336034445
"The Quest" by Spoonbender (pheromone sex) 10, 9, 7
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337646684
"Jacob and Sammi: A Fine Spring Day" by Cirsium (outdoor
infidelity) 8, 8, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=336521324
"The Encounter" by Mr Smee (cybersex & real sex) 9, 6, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337231419
Reposted Reviews:
* "Healing" by D.A. Ignatius (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=338086451
* "Novice" by Wollstonecraft (sex in the convent) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337555512
* "When the Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards (nostalgic sex)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=337961706
* "The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane" by Santo J.
Romeo (emerging adolescence and romance)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=297467972
========================
On this day in Celestial History..
Celestial Reviews 73 - Mar 27, 1996
========================
* "Rain" by Mark Aster (voyeurism & sex on the beach)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=178772411
* "Rain" by Damya (romance) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=270763859
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Janey's Trip" by Janey (janey98@hotmail.com). I anticipate that I will NOT
be able to review absolutely all the Spring Orgy stories on Malinov's cruise
and island resort, but I'll try to catch at least most of the full-length
entries. Janey's recent entry borders on blatant, unprincipled bribery. As
Sandman pointed out in a message to me:
<<Speaking of the spring orgy, I really lucked out with Janey's January. She
rewarded my review by making my stay on DG's island extraordinarily memorable.
I applied the blow job principal and she applied the make mad passionate love
to the reviewer principal. There but for the luck of the draw it could very
well have been BillyG who saved her tender skin from the ravages of the hot
tropical sun ;-) >>
Needless to say, when I got that message from Sandman, I immediately
downloaded the story to see how I fared. Much to my relief, I wasn't
mentioned in the present story; and so, having subtracted a point from each of
Janey's scores, I was ethically prepared to write this review.
The main problem with this story is that Janey seems to think that since she's
now "an erotic writer" she can deduct her trip to the orgy as a business
expense. I think the IRS will be interested in this possibility. I doubt
that the ruse of her alleged Canadian citizenship will keep the IRA - er, IRS
- officials away; and those people are masters at giving metaphorical meanings
to common sexual terms. I hope this serves as a lesson to others who feel
inclined to omit certain characters from their spring orgy stories.
Anyway, this is a story about Sandman seducing Janey on Malinov's island.
It's not really an orgy, just relatively hot sex. Not even Sandman himself
will rate this as high as "Janey's January" or "February." But it's still a
very nice story, which happens to remind me of the following story:
A man named Bob (no relation to Janey's husband, whose name is the same as
this man's spelled backwards) wanted to determine whether both his wife and
mistress, who had a much nicer ass than his wife, were faithful to him. So one
spring day he arranged to send them on the same cruise. He figured he would
later question each one about the other's behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general,
then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew
to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the trip," his wife
reported.
The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her
the same questions about his wife.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
"How so?" the man asked, greatly encouraged.
"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."
Ratings for "Janey's Trip"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Mother's Day" by Bronwen (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com).
Mothers seem to spend an inordinate amount of time longing for a nice rest.
While resting on Mother's Day, Bronwen is awakened to find herself surrounded
by Lance, Rod, and John Thomas. Although they may be rocket scientists, their
names reflect more mundane vocations or avocations. Hubby James has invited
the Boys in as a proper Mother's Day present for his wife, who has been
working too hard.
So this is Bronwen's slut wife story.... She puts the gang to work fulfilling
her fondest fantasies. They aim to please. And so they do....
"In your dreams...."
Ratings for "Mother's Day"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Writes of Spring" by TMC (tcarvett@earthlink.net). This poetic narrative
is another contribution to Malinov's orgy. It has been discussed at some
length on a.s.s.d. I liked this poem, but I didn't love it. Maybe you will
love it. Take a look. It takes only a couple of minutes to read it.
Ratings for "The Writes of Spring"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Indefinite Antecedents - Grammar Unapproved by Celeste" by John Galt. This
story is a follow-up to my own "Review" and to Taria's "Seat of Power," both
of which have been reviewed in previous issues of CR. As you may recall, in
my "Review" I got hot while talking to a neighbor on the phone shortly after
my husband had intervened with me while I was writing a review. In "Seat of
Power" Taria approached the scene from my neighbor's perspective.
In the present story, both my neighbor and I are on the phone. My husband is
with me, and Rose's sextoys are with her. The dialogue is deliciously
ambiguous - apparently about cooking but actually about sex. I guess you could
say Rose has come a long way since the original story. Or maybe you could say
Rose has come a lot of times since the original story. If we're not careful,
Rose's sexual activities are going to be getting out of hand <wink>.
The story also contains a recipe for Seven-Layer Brownies, but you can see it
only if you are pure of heart. I have to admit, I saw no recipe. However, I
did see the cooking instructions: "You've got to butter the pan all over,
especially the back."
This was another good story, especially for readers already familiar with the
first two.
"The oven is set to hot."
Ratings for "Indefinite Antecedents"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Fill it to the Rim" by Unknown Author (posted by Shadow-Eyes
<basileus@citynet.net>). The person who posted this story would very much
like to know who wrote it. So would I.
The basic plot line is that the woman wants jewelry, and her husband has
interesting ways to make her earn it. In this case she pulls a train for 70
or 80 guys, all of them giving it to her up the ass at least once, with many
second helpings. Along the way, we hear many interesting details.
A story like this can become boring or at least put substantial strains on
credulity, but the author did a decent job of keeping me interested.
Ratings for "Fill it to the Rim"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Eruption" by Marsupalami (ladyzak@celticfire.com). In Hemingway's "For Whom
the Bell Tolls" and in the movie "Risky Business" the earth moves when people
have a really great orgasm. In this story the people have it backwards.
Erertria has to have sex soon. Why? Well, because the earth is moving:
"All the forces of Gaea and Hephasteus are at work. Such a child conceived at
this time would grow to be a great leader, whether it be a boy of girl-child."
"Erertria, think!" said her mother. "You could die in you quest to create
this child."
Good point, but also a great pick-up line. I wonder why the people who make
the disaster movies haven't thought of this theme. Simple sex and violence
pale in comparison with sex during a cataclysm.
The names and a few of the customs in this story are Greek, but the story is
not written in the heroic style of the ancient Greek literature.
Nevertheless, it's a pretty good story.
Ratings for "Eruption"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"What Mary Needs" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). The woman has been having
nightmares. Her shrink can't figure it out, and so she has her husband give
her the fast cure, which consists of bringing her to orgasm while she is
tossing and turning and moaning out loud in her sleep.
The story is confusing, but that's the way the author wanted it to be. I
think I eventually understood where the author was going, but I was left with
an unpleasantly incomplete feeling at the end.
Ratings for "What Mary Needs"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"A Jewel of a Woman" by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@rainbow.uchicago.edu). When
the narrator masturbates, she doesn't fantasize about men. Instead, her
mind's eye is filled with beautiful precious stones: rubies inside her pussy
and emeralds up her ass.
Ya know, this poses a serious moral problem, which you can use if you go to
confession in a Catholic Church and want to have Fun with Father. Father is
supposed to maintain the belief that masturbation is a grave sin. Really. He
probably doesn't believe that himself, but it's Doctrine. So here's the
question: is it more evil to have a ferret or a ruby up your pussy when you
masturbate? I don't know the answer. The last time I asked that question was
back in the days when Catholics went to confession in dark boxes, and the
priest recognized my voice and told me to get the hell out of the
confessional. He subsequently left the priesthood and married a friend of
mine. I gave them a ferret for their tenth wedding anniversary. I couldn't
afford a ruby.
Anyway, Mary Anne has written better stories than this one, but it was still a
very good story. And I appreciated the opportunity to get this moral problem
off my chest. Confession is good for the soul. So are Jewels.
Ratings for "A Jewel of a Woman"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Hold Me" by Anne Arbor (AnneArbor@hotmail.com). The main focus of this story
is on the contrast between the soft gentle sex in the early days of this
couple's relationship and the rougher sex of later days. The contrast is very
effective. Both ways sound very sexy.
The contrast is epitomized by the two ways the title can be understood: "hold
me gently" or "hold me down while you fuck me."
In spite of my personal dislike for violent bdsm stories, I feel that most
women really do occasionally enjoy the sensation of being forced to make love
by someone who will do only what is good for her anyway. {For all I know,
most men might have this same reaction to being dominated.} There's a narrow
line between this and an abusive relationship. This story presents a vivid
portrayal of what I think is the right side of that line.
Ratings for "Hold Me"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Something Borrowed" by S. Leigh Farmer (alias@pseudo.nym.org). Guest review
by Robert (Citizen@GalaxyCorp.com).
Lisa is in town to help her best friend, Denise, celebrate her impending
wedding to Matt. Unfortunately, due to a case of mistaken identity and a
couple of magic amulets, Lisa and Matt wind up in each other's body on the day
of the wedding. This causes no small amount of confusion as they try to: 1)
figure out how they got swapped, 2) figure out how to get unswapped, 3)
prepare for the wedding later that evening, and 4) keep Denise (and everyone
else) from finding out what's happened.
The story closely follows how each of them attempts to act as a member of the
opposite sex. It is very much unlike your typical TG story, which seems to be
mostly women forcing men into dresses and making them like it. This is an
exceedingly well-written story that is long on characterization, plot, and
emotional development. The sex is very well described and quite arousing, but
it is by no means the whole tale.
The story is also quite long (over 300K). This is a great story to spend
several evenings reading. Or, if you prefer, devote a few hours on the
weekend. It's worth it.
Ratings for "Something Borrowed":
Athena (technical quality): 10 (Farmer displays a wonderful
command of the language)
Venus (plot & character): 10 (very engaging on both points)
Citizen (appeal to reviewer): 10 (one of my favorites)
"A Taste of Heaven" by Para999 (Para999Med@aol.com). Guest review by
Tooshoes.
A businessman and his lovely assistant traveled to Africa to sign a business
deal. In America, they might have capped the deal over dinner, but foreign
countries always seem to have more exciting rituals (that might be one of
those sex-story rules). No inhibitions. No sexual harassment laws. And when in
Rome (or wherever), we can let loose, and do as the Roman's do.
This was a quick, simple story about a man who isn't getting enough sex, until
the normal rules break down, and finally he gets a taste of heaven. The plot
is simple and straightforward, with almost no characterization, but told well
and with a heavy dose of three-way sex. The story ends with a cleverly planned
plot twist that made me smile.
Ratings for "A Taste of Heaven"
Technical quality: 8
Plot & character: 7
Appeal to reviewer: 8
"That Smell" by See-El (See-El@nym.alias.net). Guest review by Mark Aster.
In the introductory blurb for this story, the author says that it "may not be
classified as classic erotica". In fact the basic plot is quite a classic,
having been discovered more than once over the years, in stories of varying
quality. This isn't a bad example of the theme, although the diction is a
little rough.
The basic idea is that sex has a lot to do with smell, and if a college
student playing around with perfumes and pheromones in his spare time should
happen to find just the right scent... Well! I would have liked a little
less setup and a little more sex, and I would have liked it if the narrator
had enjoyed himself a little more. But he doesn't really seem to get into it;
here's a memorable line: "if my mere presence in the proximity of women drove
them wild then how would I complete my degree?" Well, gee, you've got it
tough, feller! I feel your pain. <grin>
The wording is somewhat rough and awkward in spots, a little stilted. The
author probably just needs to relax a little, and to read voraciously. The
bit about the gene-tailored virus at the end is a bit over the edge (unless
this is set in the future, no college student could possibly do what the
narrator does). But it's basically a fun fantasy with some good, if brief,
sex.
(Searching on "pheromone" in the alt.sex.stories.moderated group on Deja Nudes
will get you some other hits on stories in this subgenre. One of my favorites
is Don Boetttger's "Heat"; very powerful stuff.)
Ratings for "That Smell:
Athena: 7 (somewhat awkward prose)
Venus: 8 (less setup, more character, more sex!)
Mark: 8 (not bad at all)
"The Sundial: the Hour of Beginnings" by Thomas M. Carvett
(tcarvett@earthlink.net). The author's archive is located at
http://home.earthlink.net/~tcarvett. Guest review by Sandman
(sandman@bitsmart.com).
Time is a funny thing, especially if you deal with it at a quantum level.
Fortunately this story has nothing to do with the physical strangeness of
time, but rather touches on the emotional aspects. Physicists are still awed
by the fact that time bends like space, speeding up or slowing down around the
curves in space. The author, and perhaps the reader of this story is awed by
the fact that while time marches steadily forward through the ages threads of
permanence that defy the steady progress of time can emerge.
"The Sundial: The Hour of Beginnings" is actually two separate (yet linked)
stories which may themselves be just the beginnings of eleven more stories
from the author. This story, however, stands very well on its own. We begin
in a time before memory, a time where the earth still existed on a turtle's
back, a time when the sun still moved around the earth. A time where a young
girl is making cloth for her dowry.
Alas the sun moves too quickly for the cloth and dyes to dry and she is
frustrated. She wishes the sun would move slower and a rooster appears and
helps her capture the sun. She extracts a promise from the sun that he move
slower, but also not burn so hot so he won't harm the young flowers. The sun
falls in love with her and grants her this wish. The sun also takes human
form and gives her a golden skinned son. The story then fast forwards to the
modern era where Tom and Julie are practicing Tai Chi within the sundial.
They make love and Julie's future son will have light gold skin.
The sex in this story is not overpowering; there's no urgency, no immediacy.
What's there is a bit dreamy, like the story itself. What I found was a story
that's a very rare find on ASS. It's a story that transcends sex, transcends
even the story itself and approaches art. Even as I write this review I'm not
terribly sure that I've uncovered everything the story has to say. To do that
I shall have to read it again, and again, and yet again. And perhaps I shall.
This is beyond any doubt a triple ten story, but I'm going to warn the readers
of the CR that it may not be a triple ten story for everyone. I found this
story a full five days before Celeste sent me a copy for review. I read a bit
into it then dropped it. It wasn't because I disliked it, I just realized
the story would demand more of me than I was willing to give it at the time. I
was looking for a fun, uncomplicated story and this didn't fit that mold.
This is not stroke or one-handed fiction as some people call it. But it is an
extraordinarily good story and I'm more than grateful that the author decided
to share it with us. If you're in the mood for a simple sex story, look
elsewhere. But if you were going to curl up with a good book for a while, I'd
strongly recommend you curl up with this story instead. Read it, read it
again, linger over it like you would let your eye linger over a good painting
and discover all over again that the more things change the more they really
stay the same.
Ratings for "The Sundial: the Hour of Beginnings."
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Metamorphosis of Lara Kane - Part I - The Bus Ride" by Lara Kane
(lkane@rocketmail.com). Guest review by BillyG.
Anais Nin, Henry Miller's extraordinary lover, once employed the writing
device that described a woman, trapped by physical circumstance, who falls
under the compelling erotic spell of being groped in public. Nin's character
was pressed to immobility by a gathered mob who'd assembled to witness a
public hanging. Tensions and emotions already high, she was initially
shocked, then aroused and finally brought to orgasm by an unknown hand. Part
of the eroticism's intensity is rooted in her helplessness. There was nothing
she could do about it. She was trapped. A victim. A victim of the faceless
man exploring her body and more, trapped by that body whose very response was
unbidden and, on the surface at least, not wanted. Led to our suppressed
sexual soul, even against our will, has the substance of deep desire, the more
intense that it's "forced" on us.
So too in "The Metamorphosis of Lara Kane." This first person account by the
author first paints the picture of an asexual, even ridged woman, who is
sexually groped on a crowded bus. While she is able to extricate herself, she
is so shaken by the experience, she needs to return to her home in the safety
of a taxi. But she doesn't escape her body's demands in this futile retreat.
She's blind-sided by her desires and falls to its demands.
We're left with the impression that this is the first step in a longer journey
of sexual metamorphosis. The core of eroticism is there. The execution needs
more feeling, more vulnerability.
Ratings for "The Metamorphosis of Lara Kane"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8 (needs more character development)
BillyG (appeal to reviewer):8 (a bit scattered, didn't exploit the
potential steaminess it might have)
"The Black Crows of Morden" by Spoonbender
(Theodrore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk). Guest Review of by BillyG
The very name Morden conjures images all based on the Vulgar Latin, 'mordere'
whose derivatives include nightmare, remorse, morbid, murder and mortuary.
When I read the title, I had a subdued premonition. With good cause, as it
turned out; for Spoonbender quickly proceeded to paint a dark canvas that was
suffused with the elements of mysterious and powerful shadows. It is so well
done that I'd do it a disservice to attempt a description. Similarly, the
ending catches you unprepared in it's startling contrast.
It's a short story and a must read.
Ratings for "The Black Crows of Morden"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (A story of this caliber shouldn't have
the few grammatical errors is does.)
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10 (spellbinding)
"Dancing In the Dark" by Weird Writer (reposted by Bookman Productions).
Guest review by Bookman.
"Dancing In the Dark" expands on the anonymous 'zipless fuck' of Erica Jong
and _Fear of Flying_ fame, placing it this time in a more aristocratic
setting. The unnamed narrator receives an invitation to a 'private party'.
Once there, he is escorted to an empty waiting room where a waiting note
informs him of the rules: "You have been invited to an orgy. . . Do not
converse. Do not ask names. Do not ask questions." He undresses and walks
into a totally dark room, where, quite simply, anything goes. No orifice
barred, but all unseen. Sex by Braille, as it were.
The idea of totally anonymous sex is a powerful one in the human psyche.
Yeah, yeah, in the real world, one wants to know one's partners quite well,
indeed. But these are worlds of fantasy we deal with here, and this is a rich
one. And like most sexual fantasy worlds, there's a strong tinge of the
adolescent behind it.
For almost all of us, the first sexual experience comes from masturbation.
The 'zipless fuck' is really just an extension of that. There's still no
element of personal interaction, even though it's someone else's hand or touch
doing the nerve-ending manipulation. Here the narrator fucks and is fucked,
pleasure given and taken, but pleasure is all that is shared. No names, no
identities, nothing to tie the experience to a real person, just flesh,
touching and being touched. No commitments, no responsibilities, no
requirements to say or do the right thing to manipulate the other person into
doing what you want of them. Mutually agreed prostitution, without the
intrusion of monetary concerns. For those a bit tired of the Mating Dance,
the respite may seem attractive.
But it's also hollow. Like it or not, we live for interaction with other
human beings, and the individual who can voluntarily live as a total hermit is
a disturbed one, indeed. We need to connect with somebody else, or we
ourselves remain undefined.
"Dancing In the Dark" is certainly well-written. No typos that I noticed. No
characterizations, either, but that's fitting with the theme. The only cavil
I would have stems directly from the situation. The sex is a bit mechanical,
a bit dry, 'I did this, then they did this', that sort of thing. But that's
nearly unavoidable when you leave out the personal factors that gives sex its
meaning, its connective power. All in all, I found this story arousing on a
deep, selfish level, but ultimately, a little unsatisfying.
When I reposted this tale from the Archives, I noted that it came without
authorship attribution. Reading it again for this review, I noticed at the
very bottom, in among all the signature chatter, this: "public discussion:
alt.sex.stories.d
email: shelbyb@iglou.com "to Weird Writer"
That email address looks a lot like one for Thomas Shelby Bush, a well-
respected A.S.S. author. Shelby, are you responsible for this story, or do
you know who is?
Ratings for "Dancing In the Dark"
Minerva: (technical skill): 10
Aphrodite: (general appeal): 9
Apollo: (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Dancing in the Dark" by Weird Writer. Guest review by Dave Myers. { I got
two guest reviews of this one by mistake.}
The idea of an anonymous orgy is best suited to rather brief stories.
Otherwise the scene becomes too ridiculous and the step away from scents,
sounds, and ambiance is impossible since there won't be much character
development in an anonymous setting. That's why I'm glad this story stays
short. Even in 150 lines, though, it is quite possible to leave the reader
with the essence of too many jumbled body parts. Body parts are not the same
thing as the raw lust that should propel a scene like this.
Synopsis: Our narrator receives an invitation to a party, which turns out to
be an anonymous orgy taking place in pitch darkness. He has a good time.
Group sex is hard to write for. I give the author credit for not making a
total mess out of the situation, but there are a number of minor problems with
the narrative. First is the hokey way that our adventurous partygoer is coaxed
back into the world of the clothed (through what appears to be some sort of
knock out gas). There is also the issue of how incredibly quickly our virile
muffdiver manages to arrive at a second gushing orgasm, about 25 lines after
the first.
On the upside, the author gives us some rare male-male interaction amidst the
action. The narrator's reactions are positive, if slightly unrealistic for
what appears to be his first bisexual encounter. This passage could have been
better written. We also get refreshing giggles and laughter during the orgy
which manage to dispel what would otherwise be an over-serious affair, since
there is no dialogue in the sex scene.
Rating: 6.5
"Fingerprints" by Anne Arbor (AnneArbor@hotmail.com). Guest review by Jake
Stonebender.
Hmmm...
Short story; short review.
This was an interesting story. I still haven't decided whether "Anne Arbor"
is actually female or not, although I'm inclined that way.
In any case, this was a well written story, though it didn't throw me to the
ground and rip my pants off. It would probably have gotten Anne747 wet
though, I think.
A nicely done story of an assignation, with a small twist. If you've been
here, it will give you pause; if you haven't, it will probably make you think.
Damn; been too long: 8 for characters and plot, 7 for horny value, 8 for me.
Ratings for "Fingerprints"
Minerva: (technical skill): 8
Aphrodite: (general appeal): 7
Apollo: (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Supermodels" by Jan V. (jan123@hotmail.com). Guest review by Dart.
Kate and Claudia are supermodels, and they're working together for the first
time. At first, Kate's slightly intimidated, but while Karl, the photographer,
is photographing her, she catches glimpses of Claudia and decides that Claudia
is the intimidated one. With that observation, Kate's usual aggressive
personality begins to reappear. Then, during Claudia's turn before the camera,
Karl gets an inspiration and invites Kate to join Claudia. Claudia is fearful;
Kate is bold. She's so bold that Sophia, the manager in charge of the shoot,
tells her to behave herself or leave. Kate leaves.
Claudia has the same fearful look when Kate arrives unannounced at her hotel
room. But Kate is forceful, and Claudia finally admits that she likes that
which Kate offers.
The story would have benefited from some editing. But for me, a more serious
problem is that the characters never became people I could care about. And
would two supermodels share a stylist?
Ratings for "Supermodels"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 5
"The Quest" By Spoonbender (Theodore@Spoonbender.demon.co.uk). Guest review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com)
Back in early February I reviewed "The Gene" by this same author. "The Gene"
described a plague which was about to sweep the world but didn't actually
describe anything physical. The results were strictly in the reader's
imagination. "The Quest" is very similar to "The Gene" but here we get all
the results.
Mark and Amanda are having a bit of an argument and Mark gets Amanda mad
enough to accept a bet, a bet that no one in their right mind should be able
to loose. Amanda has to get from Germany to England in a months time with an
unlimited expense account. The catch? All she has to do is wear a scent.
It's not even much of a scent. But it does have some rather peculiar effects
on men (and dogs, though the story just mentions that - thanks Spoonbender!)
As always it's impossible to really review a Spoonbender story without
spoiling all the fun. The reader should however be aware that there is quite
a bit of non-consensual sex in this story and when Spoonbender marks a story
Horror he really means it.
I'm not a fan of non-consensual sex and normally such stories wouldn't even
merit an appeal from me so keep in mind that while the appeal may be low, the
fact that there's an appeal at all means this is a pretty dang good story.
Ratings for "The Quest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Jacob and Sammi: A Fine Spring Day" by Cirsium (thistle@dunes.com). This
review is the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at
ghost@nym.alias.net
Well now, I for one, never had the slightest notion that I would write this
many reviews. Yet here we are at the start of my fiftieth review for Celeste.
Wow!
I'd just like to take a moment to thank Celeste for letting me do this, and to
all the people who have taken the trouble to write me about some of my past
reviews and, of course, to the authors who've suffered my contrarieties. For
them my apologies and gratitude in equal measure, for the fun, pleasure, and
even orgasms they've all so generously donated. Thank you.
OK, on with the show! So, is my fiftieth story some extraordinarily profound,
yet fuckin' horny piece of writing? Well, let's see.
A guy called Jacob decides to go for an early morning stroll in the woods and
commune with nature. Packing his binoculars and squeezing his lovingly toned
body into some tight khaki shorts, off he wanders, having kissed his
peacefully slumbering wife adieu.
While admiring the singing talents of a golden-winged warbler, he's
interrupted by the appearance of his wife's sister, the sultry Samantha. Quite
why she's wandering the woods at this time of the morning is never explained,
but after a quick admiration for each other's plumage its down to some
intimate field studies of their own. They then depart back to the arms of
their respective partners.
Well, much as I wanted to like it - really I did - this story just didn't
press my buttons I'm afraid. The sentence structures are often a bit odd,
almost streams of thought, rather than coherent description. It gives it a
strange impressionistic feel at times. The sex is a bit clicheed, though quite
how you describe such conventional sex in any new way is a problem I know.
I shouldn't be too hard on it. It's simply a nice, simple unexpected but
unfaithful romp in the woods, nothing more nor less.
Ratings for "Jacob and Sammi"
Athena (technical quality): 8 (curious sentence structure, possibly
a house style)
Venus (plot & character): 8 (within its limits, not too bad)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (I remained determinedly neutral
throughout)
"The Encounter" by Mr Smee. Guest review by Nick.
Sometimes I sit back and wonder what the woman on the other end of the
chatline/e-mail address/telephone actually looks like. It's tempting to assume
that they are the ravishing beauties that your imagination runs away with; but
I suspect that all too often they are any combination of old, fat, disfigured,
male or even people at a drunken party having a laugh!
Even when the woman at the other end is half-way good looking, you may well
find that when you meet in the flesh, the physical chemistry simply isn't
there for a variety of indefinable reasons. I could go on but I won't, suffice
to say that my musings on the pitfalls of Real Life vs. Cyber fantasy affected
my first reading.
Lets just say that the guy (and the girl) in this story struck lucky!
The story basically covers the culmination of a cyber-relationship which
started with IRC chat, moving to e-mail through to telephone sex and finally
to the real thing. As soon as that element of background is out of the way
(page 1) the remainder of the story is simply straight down the middle, good
ol' fashioned wall-to-wall sex (pages 2-5)!
Its well written and rolls along nicely, but I did get confused as to what the
girl was actually wearing. Top, jumper, dress, skirt, leggings (plus underwear
of course) - it seemed she was ready for a game of strip poker!!
I found myself quite impressed at the ability of the writer to carry the sex
on for so many pages. He obviously enjoyed his work, and I found myself
infected by his enthusiasm (the doctor prescribes penicillin!:))!
In the end both protagonists came across as purely sexual beings - what might
unkindly be put (certainly by their mutual spouses!) as "pieces of meat". I
suspect, however, that this has a pretty wide appeal among ASS readers and so
for them at least this probably isn't a criticism. For me, though, the impact
of a sex story is increased by orders of magnitude if you have some depth to
the characters and a plot of some significance (which this didn't).
There is a sequel promised, but I do hope the writer moves on and doesn't
provide just more of the same. I would like to see some of the background and
character of the two being brought into play with a view to enhancing the
sexual tension between them, perhaps.
This is introduced as a first time post from a fledgling writer and as such is
very good!
Ratings for "The Encounter"
Athena (technical quality) - 9
Aphrodite (plot and character) - 6
Nick (appeal to reviewer) - 7
* "Healing" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu). This is the sixth
story I have reviewed in the DarkNites series. It begins as a very serious,
almost somber story. Both of the woman's parents have died in some sort of
recent tragedy. The man feels locked out of her life and wants to get back
in. After a conflict of emotions they make tender love, and the lovemaking
becomes part of the healing process.
In a very real sense, this is not an enjoyable story. It is likely to remind
you of some of the saddest times in your life. However, in another sense it
is a most enjoyable story, because it leads to the insight that two people
pulling together intimately can make a difference in each other's lives.
Ratings for "Healing"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Novice" by Wollstonecraft (an285729@anon.penet.fi ). The events in this
story probably didn't really happen. If they did, we surely would have seen
the participants on Donahue or one of the other talk shows by now. Actually,
there's a good chance that this was written under a pseudonym by Donahue
himself, to get even with those nuns for swatting his cute little ass when he
talked during mass as a child.
Anyway, the novice (a young woman aspiring to become a nun) looks out the
window of her convent one evening and sees a young, wretched, homeless lad
shivering on the ground. What can she do? Her charity demands that she
invite him inside (through the window, of course). But alas, sleeping on the
cold floor would hardly be better than sleeping on the ground and there's only
one bed. Charity would demand sharing the bed. But double alas, his tattered
clothes would soil the bed sheets; and so - cleanliness being next to
godliness (more literally than usual, in this case) - she invites the young
man into her bed clad only in a humble gown that she bestows on him.
Recognizing that this might be a source of temptation, she cautiously enjoins
him to be chaste. The good lad replies thus: "I would not press an unholy
advantage as a result of your compassion, Sister, nor would I be so foolish as
to risk the wrath of the Lord by despoiling His servant's perfect offering."
Ah, 'tis the life of a saint we have described here - albeit a saint whose
grasp of both theology and sexual reproduction seriously sucks. Will the
young novice remain firm in her commitment to all that is holy or will the
pull of the flesh impinge upon her cloistered life? This sounds a lot like
"The Sound of Music", doesn't it? I don't want to reveal too much of the plot
to you; there may be a few events in it that you haven't guessed yet. I
enjoyed this story very much. It's almost as if Geoffrey Chaucer has returned
through cyberspace with a modern version of "The Nun's Tale."
Of course, real nuns don't really do things like this; they're almost as
straight as English teachers and librarians - but less likely to be offended
by this story, since they seldom surf a.s.s.. The falsehoods in this story
probably originate in this author's primordial urge to wreak vengeance upon
his childhood teachers, who possibly caught him masturbating during music
class and made him stop or used the more common ploy of telling him that
jerking his gherkin would make his voice get high and he'd have to sing with
the girls. This story is filled with raw passion, but it lacks some elements
of authenticity that would make it fully believable. For one thing, I happen
to know that first vespers do not occur in convents at the time of day when
they do in this story. And besides, if people did do things like this,
someone sure as hell would be struck dead by lightning. Or something.
Ratings for "Novice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "When the Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net). When this
author originally posted this story, I gave it ratings of 7-6-8 and said that
it contained numerous distracting errors that could easily be eliminated. The
author has done a masterful job of revising this story. Not only are the
errors gone, but the plot has been substantially revised to clean up the logic
and emotions.
Charlie is a decrepit old man who seems to be on his way home to die. He
meets a young woman who gives him a hand-job on the plane, and then she stays
overnight at his hotel and makes tender love to him. The second half of the
story consists mostly of flashbacks to Charlie's earlier love life as he
prepares to meet his maker.
The angel in the title refers to young girls who have appeared to be angelic
at various times like these in Charlie's life.
This is a difficult story to rate - but only because I can't give anything
higher than straight 10's. It deserves very high ratings, because it is among
the best stories I have read recently. On the other hand, there is still
slight room for improvement. The remaining problem is that too much is left
to the reader's imagination at the end of the story. I don't think the author
wants to write a morality tale, and so he wants the ending to be deliberately
vague. I respect a certain level of ambiguity; but on the other hand, as I
read the last lines, I found myself saying, "What the hell happened here?"
When I looked back, I still wasn't sure. Maybe I'm wrong. I've been known to
say the same things about James Joyce. If you read the story (and I think
you'll enjoy doing so), maybe you should drop the author a line and tell him
what YOU think.
Ratings for "When the Angel Smiles"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Adventures of Me and Martha Jane" by Santo J. Romeo
(73233.1411@compuserve.com). I first reviewed this story in CR 18, which was
posted on September 9, 1995. At that time I gave it a 5. It was a good
story, I said; but I was genuinely pissed off because it just ended in the
middle of nowhere. I further refused to read any more parts of the story
until the author would assure me that he was finished. I was tired of this
neverending story crap.
Well, the author has finished the story, and it has been worth the wait. I
saw a message on a.s.s. that compared the author to Harold Robbins. That
evaluation is not far from the mark.
The narrator is presumably a man in his fifties, retelling a story of his
youth. At the beginning of the story, the 6-year-old Steven (Speedy) harbored
a wonderful, non-sexual admiration for Martha Jane, who was nine years older;
and she showed a reciprocal respect for him. The two lived next door to each
other in a federal housing project around 1950 and shared a common front
porch. The focus of the story is the maturation and fulfillment of their
relationship.
Although the early lines of this story hint of sexual activity, the first
several paragraphs are devoted to demonstrating that the protagonist of the
story was a precocious child - not a sexually precocious child, but a run-of-
the-mill precocious child. This full-life focus continues throughout the
story, and it emphasizes that the hero and Martha Jane should be regarded as
whole persons, not as simple sex objects. The development of non-sexual
aspects helps set this story in a truly rich and interesting psychological and
emotional environment. The story is one of the longest coherent stories I
have seen on this newsgroup, but it is also one of the best.
Certainly there is moral ambiguity in the story. For example, near the
beginning the mother tells the young Steven that pregnant women get that way
by eating too many popsicles and that babies come from storks. Shortly
thereafter, Martha Jane corrects this stupid explanation by playing with his
penis to give him a hard-on, while giving him an accurate biological account
of the facts of life. If I had a son, I wouldn't try either of these
approaches to sex education. It's interesting that normal society rejects
Martha Jane's approach - to the extent that Redbook and the Sunday supplements
would never even consider publishing an account like this without labeling
Martha Jane a pervert; but sitcoms routinely laugh about the mother's
explanation.
I'm running the risk of preaching to the choir here: most readers of this
review are likely to be predisposed to want to like a story like this. On the
other hand, large numbers of equally civilized readers outside a.s.s. would
react to this story as an example of perversion. Most of us will counter by
describing these people as sexually repressed puritans. And so forth. I
think we should be willing to simply admit but tolerate the moral ambiguity of
the story. It's fiction and it's interesting. There's nothing perverse in
setting aside our moral scruples and enjoying a good story. Millions of
American high schoolers are required every year to read Edgar Alan Poe's tale
about a pervert who tears the heart out of an old man and buries it under the
floorboards in his house. We practically require these students to set aside
moral scruples and to enjoy the beauty of this atrocity. I'm not recommending
that we make "Martha Jane" part of the sophomore curriculum; I simply think
adult readers can set aside moral reactions long enough to enjoy this story
without taking a position that it would be "better" if all children grew up
this way.
When I myself was a young baby-sitter, I did not give head to any of the
children I cared for; and I would hope that my own daughters likewise refrain
from that practice. The psychologists and counselors who suggested to the
narrator later in his life that this activity was abnormal are quite likely
right (although, again, these sages would simply laugh about the goofy
explanations of sexuality given by the mother and other adults.). It would be
much better for little boys to receive accurate answers from their own parents
and for young baby-sitters to have internalized a code of ethical conduct that
enables them to understand their own and their clients' emerging sexuality and
to rule out genital contact without resorting to primitive mythologies. But
that still doesn't make this a bad story. One of my own favorite novels is
Betty Smith's "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn." I would never raise my own children
the way those children grew up in that story, but it's still a good novel (and
an excellent movie).
Again, I'm probably preaching to the choir. But someone is surely going to
label this story "pedophilia." There are legitimate gripes against many
pedophile stories; they essentially recommend the adoption of lifestyles that
would be destructive to children. What we need to do is acknowledge that some
stories that describe genital activities with children have the potential to
be destructive - especially those that are simply unrealistic or that promote
the exploitation of children. On the other hand, other stories that describe
genital activity with or among children are either harmless or actually have
the potential to lead to moral or emotional growth among readers. To take a
sexually-related analogy, there are numerous examples of books and movies
about adults having affairs. Some of these are badly written or stupidly
conceived and seem to have as their only goal to degrade the value of marriage
and other permanent relationships. On the other hand, many of these books and
movies are well conceived and have the overall effect of enabling us to
understand human emotions - and, indeed, marriage and other permanent
relationships - more perfectly.
Although the most important aspect of this story is the sexual relationship
between the narrator and Martha Jane, it's not really a sex story. Rather,
it's a story about the emotional development of two young people. Less than a
third of the lines in the story are even remotely devoted to their sex lives.
The non-sex scenes are extremely realistic and vivid, giving us information
needed to understand the background and personalities of the two main
characters.
If a reader wants a source of information about how much fun it would be to
have sex with a precocious little kid, this would be a good story for that
purpose - although all the details about the child's emotions would probably
be viewed as distracting. However, I really don't think this was the author's
purpose. On the other hand, if a person (like myself) is reading this story
to obtain sensitive insights into the personalities of two young people as
they mature sexually and emotionally, this is a good source for serious
reading.
Ratings for "Martha Jane"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*"Rain" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). "Doesn't it get boring - all the
time with the same guy?" That question came not from an a.s.s. pervert, but
from my teenage daughter a few years ago. My answer was, "You would expect it
to get boring; but surprisingly, no - not so far." I raise the same question
every time I read another story in the "My Friends the Allens" series; "Isn't
this going to get boring." I mean, all the author ever seems to write about
is this wonderfully hot stud traveling with and servicing two well-adjusted
and well-endowed young nymphomaniacs. The sex is almost invariably hot and
consensual. It's gotta get boring some time. But not yet.
In this episode, Our Hero reclines on a beach with one of the Allen sisters,
while they watch another couple initiate and consummate passionate sex nearby.
Naturally, the voyeurs get turned on as well and make passionate love
themselves, as a gentle rain begins to fall on them. The description, the
environment - the entire picture evoked in my mind as I read this story was
really beautiful. Another excellent story!
Ratings for "Rain"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Rain" by Damya (an128788@anon.penet.fi). Unless I have miscounted, I have
reviewed 107 stories by Deirdre. Since the monosyllabic title of the previous
story (Rain) sounded like a natural for Deirdre, I decided to compare the two
stories with identical titles. I was surprised to discover that Deirdre has
never written a story with that title. Alphabetically, she skips right past
"pump," "rat," and all the Q-words and goes straight from "performance" to
"reception." This supports my theory that she is actually Sherwood Anderson
reincarnated and living in Sulphur Springs, where they have no pumps, very few
rats, and little rain - and where people regard Q-words with suspicion.
However, while searching my database for Deirdre's Missing Story, I did find
another story entitled "Rain." Since I myself have a warm spot in my heart
for the fantasy of making love in a gentle rainfall, I decided to review this
story, which is written by "Damya."
I was disappointed with this story, because the couple came in from the rain
before making love. But that was the only source of disappointment that this
story gave me. This is an exceptionally good tale of warm and gentle passion
between two persons who have been lovers for a long time. I have reviewed
several of Damya's stories and have often commented that they were good
*partial* stories; but this one is an excellent *complete* story. Damya shows
exceptional strength at developing a mood and at integrating every element of
the story with that mood. An excellent story!
Ratings for "Rain"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10