Celestial Reviews 267 - March 18, 1998
Note: A young man was very, very much in love with his future wife -- so much
so that he had her name tattooed onto his penis. When his member was
unarooused, all one could see was a very distinctive "W" and a "Y"; but when
erect, his schlong proudly displayed his future spouse's entire name --
"WENDY".
They got married, and for the honeymoon they went to the Bahamas. One day he
stopped into a public restroom; and as he was standing in front of the urinal,
he couldn't help but notice that the fellow next to him ALSO has his penis
tattooed... with that same distinctive "W" and "Y". With a growing sense of
dread he asked: "Uh, say, I couldn't help but notice that tattoo on your
privates. It doesn't say "Wendy", does it?"
"Oh, no man" the other fellow replied. "It says 'Welcome to the Bahamas. Have a
nice day'".
Second note (to confirm stereotypes): Three friends - a white guy, a black
guy, and a Jew - decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night; so she
gave the guys a deal: "You can pay by the inch." When the white man came back
out his friends asked, "How much did she charge you?"
"$75 dollars," said the first.
The black guy went in and returned with a fee of $95. The first two were proud
of their prowess.
The third man went in and returned. "How much did she charge you?" asked the
first two. "Twenty dollars", replied the Jew.
The first two started laughing hysterically. "Hey guys," replied the third;
"I'm not so stupid. I paid on the way out."
Third note: A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80
years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had
an affair with two 18-year-old girls. I made love with both of them ... twice."
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"Hell, Father, I'm telling everybody!"
Fourth note: Can somebody help me? Someone wants me to post my reviews to an
FTP address. I suspect there is a really easy way to do this via AOL. Can
someone tell me how to do this on AOL?
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"The Orgasm" by ck29 (ck29@anon.nymserver.com) 10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330247897
"The Bet" by Unknown Author (mind control) 9.5, 9, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334654590
"The Sex Worker" by PleaseCain (silly stuff) 10, 7, 5
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334379778
"Remember Ol' Stretch's Train?" by PleaseCain (gang bang)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334376039
"Babysitting Drama" by Michael K. Smith (emerging adolescence)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=335059625
"Motel" by Anne Arbor (silent lovemaking) 10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334671101
Guest Reviews:
"Tina" by Sclark7 (erotic wife story) 8, 8, 7
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333192811
"The Home Front" by Ragtime (incest) 9, 8, 7
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=316781403
"The Tasting" by A Pulp Fan (sexy romp) 10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=332781376
"Hawaii Vacation" by Jemma (love on the beach) 7.5
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=331483788
"March Twenty-First" by Crimson Dragon (hot dreamlike sex)
10, 10, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=333785276
"Sleeping With Friends" by Unknown Author (adolescent
romance) 8, 8, 9/5
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334660362
"All Night Long" by Unknown Author (violent rape) 10, 10, -
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334927400
Reposted Reviews:
* "Consuming Passion" by PleaseCain (sci fi sex in a
treehouse) 10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334379773
* "Stolen by Illusion" by Morgan Preece (first time) 10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334379801
* "ekiN" by Morgan Preece (sexual fantasy on train) 10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334379803
* "T'ANG JUNZI" by John Dark (oriental sex) 10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=334665919
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"The Orgasm" by ck29 (ck29@anon.nymserver.com). This story relates the first-
and second-time experiences of a man with the woman he loves. Using very few
words, this story gives a full picture of her life history and puts the title
word in perspective. It's a very good story - concise, sensuous, and focused.
If I make this review much longer, it will surpass the story in length.
Ratings for "The Orgasm"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Bet" by RC (reposted by Bookman Archives).
Celestial Assumption #7: People can be turned into sex slaves by college kids
who read a chapter in a psych book. That's not quite accurate: the woman in
this story also peruses several selections from the list of supplementary
readings in the course syllabus.
Since mind-control stories are so easy to write and have a huge potential to be
non-creative, I made a rule for myself a long time ago that in order to get a
high rating a mind-control story had to do a lot more than have someone say,
"You are in my power. Have sex with me."
In this story the college guy has made a bet with his girlfriend that she can't
hypnotize him. Carrie wins the bet by hypnotizing the sexiest girl on the
campus and delivering her to him on a silver platter. Of course, Carrie has
her way with the sex goddess too. And the guy is a good loser.
Things like this can't happen in real life. If this were possible, we would
see millions of people doing things like staring blankly at small boxes that
emit electronic versions of insipid stories that sensible people would not want
to watch of their own volition. Teenage boys would follow teenage girls with
blank looks on their faces - in spite of the loose reference of the
prepositional phrase in the first half of this sentence. This story would
receive straight 10's....
I suspect that stories like this one are written by Psychology professors who
are really desperate and will stoop to anything to motivate their students to
read a chapter in their text book.
Ratings for "The Bet"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Sex Worker" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com). In my college days I came
to a conclusion about some "modern artists": they are putting us on - jerking
our chains, so to speak.
I suspect PleaseCain is putting us on with this story. I have given this
author so many high ratings, that he/she has decided to post any ole shit that
is grammatically coherent just to see if I really read the stories before I
rate them. Well, I do.
This author has written some excellent stories. {See the next review for an
example.} In truth, there is even some creativity to this quasi-story. I
suppose the best reason to read this story would be to be able to say you have
read the whole corpus of the works of this author. And that's not an entirely
bad reason.
Ratings for "The Sex Worker"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Remember Ol' Stretch's Train?" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com). Some
people - really silly people, I might add - insist that I never give favorable
reviews or positive ratings to stories that are about topics that I dislike.
Those people should note that this is a favorable review and these are high
ratings. They should also note that I do not like or approve of what happens
in this story.
I really can't tell you what the story is about. The main strength of the
story lies in the way it gradually reveals to the reader what's happening. It
accomplishes its strong impact by using ethnic dialogue creatively and by
juxtaposing events that are clear but at first don't make sense together.
Don't read this story when you want to get a hard-on or have an orgasm. But be
sure to read it.
Ratings for "Remember Ol' Stretch's Train?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Babysitting Drama" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith1@bellsouth.net). Right! This
guy eats out the little sister and then watches Masterpiece Theatre while he
waits for her big sister to come home. Hello! Anybody home? Why not watch
Mother Angelica instead?
I jest. This is actually a good story. The college guy babysits for his prof's
13-year-old daughter, who wants to learn about sex. He gently refuses to fuck
her - just licks and sucks her to orgasm and lets her hold his cock while he
cums. Then the older sister (also a virgin) comes home after a bad experience
with her boyfriend, and the babysitter serves as a counselor - exchanging
stories with her and letting her see his dick and suck on it just a little -
sex, pure and simple. Well, simple, anyway.
Then the parents finally get home about 3:30 in the morning, full of apologies
for their tardiness.
This is a very hot fantasy. However, as the disclaimer would say, if there
were one, if I were a unscrupulous but cute little girl that wanted to get a
free college education, I just might get a college kid whose family had money
to fuck me and then threaten him with statutory rape. This isn't even called
blackmail, if you use a lawyer and do it the right way. And teenage girls
contemplating this sort of thing should be aware that almost none of the older
guys who will fuck them are as considerate and sensitive as the young man who
narrates this story. Starting to have promiscuous sex at as early an age as
possible is probably the best way to guarantee that you'll have an unhappy
adulthood. But there's nothing wrong with flights of fancy; and as I said, this
is a very hot fantasy.
Ratings for "Babysitting Drama"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Motel" by Anne Arbor (AnneArbor@hotmail.com). The man's daughter has been
visiting him for three weeks. Three weeks of celibacy, him in his house, his
girlfriend in hers. Then four nights in a shared tent in a crowded campground.
And now, as they are finally returning the daughter to her mother in Phoenix,
our narrator is showered and comfortable and horny beyond desperation.
You young'uns out there! This is what you have to look forward to. You think
it's hard to sneak away for sex now! Wait until you have this hot relationship
with this sexy stud and you know he's been watching your ass all day and
longing to stick that warm and friendly cock inside your even friendlier cunt -
THEN you'll be able to identify with the people in this story.
As an adolescent, I was almost certain my parents never had sex. I shared
motel rooms and tents with them, and they never did anything to lead me to
suspect that they were up to hanky panky. I have a friend with eleven siblings
who is equally certain that her parents never had sex. Maybe I'll give Mom a
call tonight and read this story to her over the phone.
Note: The best way to handle the situation described in this story is to ask
the receptionist when you make the reservation at the motel whether the air
conditioner has a fan that will continue blowing all night long. She'll
probably say, "Yes. But that will be five dollars extra for each of the
children sleeping in the same room with you and your honey."
Ratings for "Motel"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Tina" by Sclark7 (sclark7@aol.com). This review is the personal opinion of
Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net.
In his introduction, SClark says this is his first attempt at writing an
"erotic wife story", which seems to imply that there is a whole genre that
means more than the bare words would suggest. For example, I will soon be a
wife for the first time, and I fully intend to be as erotic as possible, come
the day. But reading this story, I suspect that is not exactly what the author
means. So if I miss some nuance of meaning, due to my unfamiliarity with this
previously-unknown-to-me genre, then I apologize up front.
Written in the first person, from the POV of a Mark, about to get married to
the titular Tina, it documents his slow descent into uncertainty and loss of
nerve on the day, and more importantly on the night, of their wedding.
Embarrassed by the jibes of his sisters about his lack of manliness, which
isn't helped by being significantly smaller than his voluptuous bride, poor
Mark's worst fears are made real as he and Tina attempt to consummate their
vows in the bridal suite. You'll have to read it to see what I'm talking about,
but conventional it ain't!
Technically the story flowed reasonably well, but there was the sporadic
grammatical error, plus some odd formatting of speech, which incorrectly used
periods instead of commas. And a few lurches in tense for good measure. Also
the author seemed to use "rather", erm, rather a lot.
Finally, by the time I had reached the finale I was giggling almost
uncontrollably at the way the story went. After calming down, I was sorta
puzzled. So this is an "erotic wife" story, I thought. Shaking my head, I read
it again, but I'm sorry to say I started giggling once more. Now I have my
doubts that uncontrolled mirth is the response that the author was after,
though I could be wrong, of course.
Ratings for "Tina"
Athena (technical quality): 8 ("Rather" too many mistakes)
Venus (plot & character): 8 (I liked Tina. My kinda gal!)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (I laughed a lot; don't know if that's
good or bad)
"The Home Front" by Ragtime (posted by Mr Double). Guest review by BillyG.
"The Home Front" is a story that's set in rural England during World War II.
More, it has the feeling of being written by someone who lived there during
that period. It is a long, slowly moving tale that emerges as a curious
mixture of bucolic beauty and unlikely plot, that is, if one care's about the
plot of a sex story.
As it turns out, I do, and unfortunate for me, it colored my reaction to the
story. I'll speak first to that and later to what I liked about the story,
which was quite a bit.
First, I should tell you that whatever else it may be, "The Home Front" is
primarily a story of incest. Not a tortured, pained or tragic tale to be sure.
It's positive and upbeat. If one is inclined, one might stretch credulity even
further to entertain the possibility of an attractive brother and sister, who
are themselves the product of an improbable incestuous union, contriving to
take in a displaced pair of twins, a girl and a boy, for the express purpose of
broadening their sexual connections. It's titillating for them to seduce their
brother-sister counterparts.
By this time, the direction of the story is set and totally transparent. The
twins' parents, of course, are - you guessed it - a brother and a sister. They
- the parents - are brought into the story straight away.
I might add that this is an unfinished story, perhaps half-way completed. We
know from the outset that there are waiting in the wings still another pair of
twins. Yes, brother and sister. What else?
Having no scarring or horrible incestuous experiences of my own to set me on
edge when reading a story of this genre, Celeste assumes (correctly) that I'll
not simply reject them out of hand. Still, stories that are so unlikely as to
strain our believability remove them from the ranks of those tales that move if
not electrify us. This story is pleasant, hardly gripping.
The protagonist of this story is Joyce Parks. She's the glue that holds it
together and everyone else serves to support her designs. She's lusty and
pleasant and totally uninhibited. She speaks with unabashed candor of her own
desires and practices as she's in the process of instructing the willing others
in the proper technique of such diverse things as bum fucking and hygiene.
Exactly what is going to happen is a given. Just how Joyce manages to get all
these ducks in a row is the primary fun part. There are moments when the story
borders of being steamy, but there are too many plates to be juggled for
sustained erotic intimacy. I suppose if the other half of this story emerges,
I'll read it just to see how she adds a few more plates to the act.
Ratings for "The Home Front"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Tasting" by A Pulp Fan (pulpfan@anon.nymserver.com). Guest review by Sven
the Elder.
I have to be truthful and admit that I am not a follower of some of the more
obscure genres of story that get published in our community. By and large many
do not do a lot for me, and I'm afraid that as a result I don't tend to either
download or read them.
From time to time though, I do read some stories by authors that I would not
normally consider. "The Tasting" by A Pulp Fan comes under that heading. I am
not sure why I chose to download and have a look; but I did, and I am glad I
did so. This is a delightful ramble through a well constructed scenario. The
prose is good, tight and properly fabricated, this is an English essay that,
but for it's subject matter, would gain an A or A+ within any writing group.
The story starts with the narrator muttering about being dragged along to a
wine tasting by his girlfriend. Her boss is filthy rich and "he had made
most of his fortune the old fashioned way -- he inherited it" A line I rather
liked. Our Hero becomes bored and wanders off into the grounds of the mansion
and is waylaid, in all sorts of senses of the word, by a relative of the owner.
She takes him round the estate and to parts of the house, and her, that he had
not envisaged covering. We finish up with a twist or two based on the title of
the piece.
This is a well-crafted and erotic story that will bring a gentle smile to your
face, and a healthy glow to other parts of the anatomy. Well worth the download
and read of this author's first foray away from his normal writing. I hope it
will not be his last.
Ratings for "The Tasting"
Technical quality: 10
Plot & character: 10
Appeal to reviewer: 10
"Hawaii Vacation" by Jemma (jemma@mail.on.rogers.wave.ca). Guest review by
Dave Myers.
This is the second story I've read by this author, and she has great potential
in a genre that I can only describe as "erotica verite". Her style is mf rom
with first person narrative in present tense ("You are touching me gently", "I
am moaning softly", etc). These are stories with enough brush strokes to seem
true, enough character development to seem realistic, and at the same time,
clearly fictional. Thus, "erotica verite".
Synopsis: A couple make love in beach settings. This is hazy lazy lovemaking,
the kind where the sensations conveyed are not just of the chemical/hormonal
kind, but of human emotion. The action unfolds at the leisurely pace of two
people sensuously exploring each other romantically.
But the story is marred by two distractions. First is the absence of
apostrophes from the text. The other problem is more subtle. In trying to
capture the elements of sensuality and realism that come from non-sexual events
in the story, the author dips once or twice a little too far into the mundane
details of the surroundings (most notably a passage about a military base which
doesn't quite click). The effect is that as if one of the characters in
"Casablanca" stopped to balance their checkbook in the middle of a scene. There
are other times, though, where the author adds greatly to the plot with well
crafted inter-coital descriptions of the setting. Example:
"The sun is a huge red ball, and seems to take forever to fall behind the
horizon. This is the same sun I see every day, the same sun I see set on Lake
Huron, and yet here it looks so different."
The next Updike? Maybe not, but I would say that Jemma is on to something,
stylewise. I hope to see more of her work.
Rating: 7.5
"March Twenty-First" by Crimson Dragon <dcrimson@yahoo.com>. Guest review by
Stephen Peters (sxjames@aol.com).
This story opens with the protagonist (Lori) having left her lover (Heather) to
return home to a cold and lonely apartment. Lori misses Heather something
fierce -- she needs her lover's body badly, if for no other reason than to keep
her warm on a cold and snowy winter's evening. Well, as luck would have it, as
Lori drifts off to sleep she finds her heat (both kinds) by entering a
phantasmagorical, druid-like dream world of chanting women, warm fire and cold
stone. After a short, sexy encounter with a woman who is/isn't Heather, Lori
can no longer contain her desire so she rushes back to Heather's
apartment...and to a rather surprising ending to her night's adventure.
This story idea has all the makings of an very entertaining read. The soft,
semi-conscious realm between wakefulness and sleep is a great setting for a
fantasy of this type, and the author did an admirable job as the tour guide.
The various settings were well described, I was able to connect with Lori's
distress, and the dreamlike atmosphere was sustained throughout. In
particular, the transition between the cold apartment in winter and Lori's
dream/fantasy world was startlingly good -- probably the best image in the
piece.
Unfortunately, the storytelling itself was marred by a writing style that kept
me (the reader) from establishing a strong narrative voice. The repeated use
of sentence fragments and single words to indicate Lori's thoughts kept my
narrative 'head-voice' from achieving any sustained rhythmic flow. For this
reader (and I should emphasize "this reader"), establishing that flow is
crucial. More seriously, the ambiguous use of the pronoun 'she' in the
paragraph that introduced the names of the dream characters had me associating
"Akana" and "She-al" with the wrong people -- a very frustrating experience.
Finally, as a reader I would liked to have seen a better-described sex scene
between Lori and the dream women. The setting was all there, but the heat
wasn't.
From a purely technical standpoint (grammar, spelling, punctuation) the story
rates a ten -- I don't think I can take off points for the pronoun problem.
Plot and character (or rather, the story idea itself) is this tale's strong
suit -- again, a ten. For the above-mentioned reasons "appeal to reviewer"
rates a six.... but understand that all my reviews come with this disclaimer:
Numbers mean nothing without context -- read the damned review.
Ratings for "March Twenty-First"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Sleeping With Friends" by Unknown Author. Guest review by BillyG.
Remember how quickly romantic things happened in high school? Did you ever
fall in love suddenly? With a person you'd been with just once? And wham! It
happened?
The intensity of the feelings, however transient they might have proven to be,
in that glorious moment, argued for 'forever.' If you can recall that mind-
bending emotion of overwhelming 'love,' you'll be able to get your head around
this story. Or at least part of it. You see, this story is actually two
stories, one having little to do emotionally with the other.
Let me explain. The storyteller protagonist, Aaron, is a 17-year-old high
school student who has the hots for his best friend James's twin sister,
Jessica. Hanging out with them one night, Aaron is goaded by Jessica into
telling about being with a naked girl and how he 'almost did it.' The author
of this tale has Aaron tell a hot story, one which affects Jessica directly,
for she retreats to her room to masturbate with a carrot and a banana. James
nonchalantly informs Aaron that she likes to be watched and would he care to do
just that?
So far, this is shaping up to be a simple story of lets-watch-the-sister-
masturbate. The intensity is turned up when Jessica, who has a history of
'doin' it with all the guys,' pulls our hero into bed to finish her off.
Brother watches, beats off and then is asked to leave by sister. Yes, a little
strange, but in uncomplicated voyeurism-exhibitionism stories, we don't hold
out for an evolved plot.
At this point, we're half-way through the story and it feels like it's ending.
And it is, for the next chapter has a different feel. Our hero has fallen for
the chick and is hopelessly and helplessly head-over-heels in love with
Jessica. And, as it turns out, she is with him. Period. That's it. Sex
story, voyeurism, and wham-bam over. Now it's love.
The problem I have is the second chapter simply doesn't follow from the first.
Read the first part. That's a fairly good stroke story. Skip the second; it
just doesn't make it as anything.
Ratings for "Sleeping With Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9 for the first chapter and 5 for the
second
"All Night Long" by Unknown Author. Guest review by Sandman
(sandman@bitsmart.com).
This story takes a female convenience store clerk and has her pull the night
shift. She's "young, vivacious, and perky" and is ignoring her parents'
concerns about her working the graveyard shift. The second night on the job
her store is held up by two armed robbers who submit her to a few paragraphs of
terror before deciding that if all they're going to get from the heist is
$40.00 then they'd better tie up the woman and cop a feel and get the hell out.
After this a steady stream of people filter into the store, each and every one
sexually assaulting the clerk. Thus the title; she is terrorized, victimized,
and raped "All Night Long".
The story is told from the store clerk's point of view which intensifies the
terror and anguish. This story was written in a style that normally allows me
to "fall into" the story. That is the grammar, punctuation, and the flow of
the words is smooth and easy to read. The story however was so alien to my
value systems that I found it impossible to read more than one or two sentences
before finding myself back in the real world and thankful for it. This is not
necessarily the fault of the story; perhaps it's the fault of the reviewer.
In Venus I guess I'm going to wing it (I normally do that in Athena at least
where punctuation is concerned, but I like to think I'm pretty good in Venus).
The problem is the story IS the rape and the violence. In this manner it's not
a story so much as a series of scenes. Therefore it should be rated on the
quality of the sex (and I guess violence). So here there's two numbers. If you
don't like rape and violence then Venus is a 4 (most of the assailants are
stereotypical cardboard characters but Jennifer plays her part well). If this
sort of thing turns you on Venus is a 10.
Now we come to appeal. I initially declined to rate this in appeal to
reviewer. Since I'm not in the target audience of this story I feel declining
to put a number here would be better than giving it a zero (which to some
people implies it is a bad story regardless of the other two numbers). It's my
way of asking you, the reader, to decide for yourself if the subject interests
you.
Celeste really pushed for a number though, even if qualified. She pointed out
that there must be other good stories I don't like -- the story of the
crucifixion, "The Telltale Heart", by Poe, "Clockwork Orange" and here I
believe she was referring to Stanley Kubrick's movie rather than the incredibly
shallow book. As usual she makes a very good point.
These examples, however, make a statement beyond the violence about life,
society, or the human condition. "All Night Long" would be like "Clockwork
Orange" showing only Alex's orgy of violence without the following commentary
on society's tampering with the human mind and spirit. It would be like
describing the crucifixion in exquisite detail, but only the crucifixion and
none of the religious dogma before or after to explain why this travesty needed
to happen.
What we have with "All Night Long" is a story written to appeal to someone who
glories in another person's suffering. In most violent stories or films
there's a deliberate dehumanization of the victim, either by making the victim
seem unworthy of caring for or simply not describing the victim well enough for
the reader to make any judgments. Here though the victim is vividly described,
her reactions are consistent with what we would expect those reactions to be,
the story is even told from her perspective.
The story is written in such a manner that the audience is expected to identify
with the victim but the abuse which follows makes that extraordinarily hard.
Once the reader identifies with the victim the abuse which follows also
mentally happens to the reader. Therefore the appeal would only be to women
who fantasize about being repeatedly and violently raped and to people who
wallow in other people's suffering.
I keep getting a disturbing image of a serial killer as he tortures his victim
cursing the gods because he can only see his victim's reactions -- he doesn't
REALLY know the victim is actually suffering. This story addresses that lack
of knowledge. Here we KNOW the victim is suffering. I think the serial killer
would be really happy with this story.
There remains no appeal to me in this story. There is no redeeming message.
It speaks to a target audience that I, thankfully, am not a part. I didn't
like this story. It disturbs me that someone wrote it to begin with. It
disturbs me further to realize there are people out there who will like it.
Ratings for "All Night Long"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 4/10
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): --
* "Consuming Passion" by PleaseCain (pleasecain@aol.com). This a bizarre
story. A really bizarre story. The guy lures women to his treehouse, where
they expect to have passionate sex with him. Then he devours them - literally.
But then he meets his match. You'll have to read the story to believe it.
Parts of this story were very hot and sexy, but other parts were interesting
because they were so unusual.
Ratings for "Consuming Passion"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Stolen by Illusion" by Morgan Preece (morganpreece@anon.nymserver.com). I'm
on a bit of a spree of really simple stories. This is another good one. It's
not a whole story - just an anecdote about the time the narrator gave her
virginity to her boyfriend who was on his way to Vietnam. The sex is not all
that sexy, but it's very realistic and even touching. There's even a nice
twist at the end - of the story, that is.
Ratings for "Stolen by Illusion"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "ekiN" by Morgan Preece (morganpreece@anon.nymserver.com). Since you may be
wondering, I'll tell you that "ekiN" is "Nike" spelled backwards. As in "Just
DO It" - the athletic clothing company. It's spelled backwards because the
narrator first reads it in a mirror. I nodded sagely when the author explained
this. I had already figured that part out.
This story is very much like the previous one. It's sort of inspiring to know
that thousands of a.s.s. readers are riding public transportation, developing
plots for short stories about the people they see on public transportation. I
imagine if you are the Chief Executive of a major industrialized nation you
should refrain from such fantasies, or at least keep them very private until
the end of your term in office.
In this story the mysterious male at whom the narrator has stared emerges from
oblivion and speaks to her. The actual sex content is low - all he does is
tell her she's beautiful; but the innuendo level is very high.
This is a very short but very good story.
Ratings for "ekiN"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "T'ANG JUNZI" by John Dark (john_dark@anon.nymserver.com). This was a later
arrival for the Second Third Annual Celestial Short Story Contest. It wouldn't
have won first prize, but it IS a very nice little story. Pear Blossom is a
virgin in the household of the inscrutable and despotic Wang. She is shy and
demure, and he likes her and asks her to visit him later. It's a little more
complex than that, but you'll have to read the story for the details.
Ratings for "T'ANG JUNZI"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: BREAKING THE RULES. Is it OK to split an infinitive?
Should you use "my" or "me" as the "subject" of a gerund? Should I have said
"one" instead of "you" in the sentence before this one? Is it proper to end a
sentence with a preposition? Is it correct to begin a sentence with a
conjunction?
There are numerous "rules" to the English language. Actually, these rules are
"conventions." Rules would be made by an official body - probably Congress or
something analogous to a state board of education; and you can well imagine the
idiocy with which we'd have to deal if groups like those made up our grammar
rules.
"Conventions" are the ways most people act. Miss Manners or some such goddess
will tell you that it's "against the rules" to push food onto your fork with
your fingers. She would also tell you that it's not proper to fart during
sexual intercourse, except that it's also not conventional to talk in her
newspaper column about farting or screwing, and so she has no way to talk to us
about this topic.
SHOULD you push food onto your fork with your finger? The real answer is that
it depends. If you're dining with a genteel lady whom you wish to bed later
that evening, you'd have to be a fool to do so - unless you thought this rakish
gesture would lower her inhibitions. Likewise, if you were applying for a job
in the diplomatic corps, I would think you'd prefer to act the way diplomats
act. A very practical problem, however, is that if you habitually push food
onto your fork with your fingers when you're alone or with your homies, you're
likely to make mistakes when you want to do things properly. So your best bet
is to use proper etiquette at all times.
However, you could commit a serious faux pas by chasing a pea for three minutes
while your future in-laws were employing less elegant eating habits. Your
inclination to be proper could backfire, because the other people would think
you were trying to point out their bad manners.
As for farting during sex, that depends on whether it will run down your leg or
not. It also depends on what will happen if you DON'T pass gas. This example
is getting so interesting that I had better stop and get back on topic. And
don't say "whether... or not." Just say "whether."
Applied to English grammar, this means that grammar rules are there to help you
communicate, not to reduce you to servitude. In general, it's best to know all
the "rules" and to follow them. In most cases the rules will help you
communicate more effectively.
However, in some cases the rules can be counterproductive. For example,
someone once told Winston Churchill not to end a sentence with a preposition.
Churchill replied, "That's an outrage up with which I shall not put." What he
was really saying was that as long as it made good sense to end the sentence
with a preposition, he would go ahead and do so.
In addition, rules change. When I was a child, we were taught to say "you
will" and "he will" but "I shall." Nowadays nobody really cares, and "shall"
is used mostly for emphasis.
When I was in high school we learned to use the masculine singular pronoun and
adjective when the gender of a person was uncertain or indefinite: "Each
student should change his underpants at least once a month." Modern women tend
to resent this rule, because it implies that men are somehow superior to women.
When I was in college, I had a teacher who came down hard on us for beginning
sentences with coordinating conjunctions. I eliminated them all - replacing
"and" with "in addition" or "furthermore" and but with "however." But then one
day I realized that this was silly. And so I went ahead and used my
coordinating conjunctions whenever they seemed to help me express myself.
Every modern grammar book I've checked now says it's OK to use coordinating
conjunctions at the beginning of a sentence; but you should still not overdo
the practice or use them when some other wording would be better.
Here's the problem. We really have two goals (all right, we probably more than
two goals) when writing: (1) to express ourselves and (2) to avoid evoking
undesired reactions in our readers. That means that even though I might
rightfully think it's OK to violate a "rule," my violation might have negative
consequences; and therefore I should think twice before breaking that rule.
In other words, if you wouldn't break rules of etiquette during a job
interview, don't break rules of grammar in a job application letter.
A large number of people who read and employ my grammar guidelines are college
students or working people who write for ordinary people. In general, your
goal in writing for these audiences will be to express yourself as clearly as
possible, and usually your creativity or spontaneity is more important than
grammatical correctness. These people probably won't know or care if you break
a minor rule (but remember, breaking that minor rule might cause you to
communicate less effectively). For example, your psychology prof or office
manager is going to be pleased to know that you can discuss concepts with
insight and enthusiasm and is not likely to care whether you used a comma or a
semicolon between clauses - unless you use punctuation in such a way as to
distract her.
On the other hand, you have to be aware that there are people who do care about
grammar and who react negatively to what they consider to be grammar mistakes.
These are often non-sociopaths who have learned to express themselves clearly.
They automatically spot and correct their own errors, and they tend to do this
for others as well. If one of these people catches you making an error, your
mistake could cost you - much as it would hurt you to use bad eating manners or
to wear clothes that clash to a job interview. At the very least, it might
cause that person to focus on something other than what you are really trying
to say.
The safest rule is always use proper grammar. If it sounds odd, then talk
around it - reword the sentence so that the odd phraseology goes away. For
example,
Jill enjoyed me nibbling on her clit. {This is incorrect. The subject
of a gerund is supposed to be in the possessive case. Actually,
most readers wouldn't give a damn about this error.}
Jill enjoyed my nibbling on her clit. {This is correct, and it sounds
fine to most people. So if you can both write correctly and
sound good, why not do so?}
Jane enjoyed me and Bob nibbling on her clit. {This is incorrect.
The subject of a gerund is supposed to be in the possessive case.
But most readers wouldn't give a damn about this error.}
Jane enjoyed Bob's and my nibbling on her clit. {This is correct,
but it sounds awkward to many people.}
Jane enjoyed the way Bob and I nibbled on her clit. {This avoids
the problem by saying the same thing in a different way.}
It's especially useful to avoid gender conflicts in pronoun references. Some
people want you to use "gender free" language, while others think you are being
superficial or "politically correct" if you do so. In addition, some of the
circumlocutions that people employ to be gender free are just plain cumbersome.
The easiest way around this problem is to avoid "he" and "she" by writing in
the plural or in the second or third person.
Each student should change his underpants at least once a
month. {The "his" seems to suggest that the statement refers
only to males.}
Each student should change his or her underpants at least once a
month. {This is fine; but if there were a large number of
sentences like this, the constant repetition of "his or her" would
become annoying.}
Each student should change their underpants at least once a
month. {A growing number of English experts will accept this
"indefinite singular" use of "they." However, many others will
not, and you may not know how your readers will react. The
best solution is to use one of the following strategies to avoid
the problem entirely.}
All students should change their underpants at least once a
month. {This avoids the problem by making the subject plural.}
We should change our underpants at least once a month. {This
avoids the problem by using "we" and "our," which do not
differentiate by gender.}
Change your underpants at least once a month. {This
avoids the problem by using "you" and "your," which do not
differentiate by gender.}
In practice, you might have to write one way for your English teacher and for
people who focus on grammatical correctness and another way for people who
don't care. But whatever you do, change your underpants more than once a
month.