Celestial Reviews 260 - February 21, 1998
Note: Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her
vegetable garden; but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her
tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful
bright red tomatoes, she went one day and asked him what his secret was.
"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in
the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the
tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."
Desperate for the perfect garden, the woman tried his advice and
proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily. Two weeks
passed, and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress. "So," he
asked, "Any luck with your tomatoes?"
"No", she replied excitedly... "But you should see the size of my
cucumbers!"
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Evidence Of Betrayal" by Anne Arbor (infidelity) 10, 10, 10
http://x4.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324524108
"Horny School Girl" by SpiderRoX1 (rock star one-nighter)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=323573722
"The Basketball Game" by Gargoyle (athletic group sex)
10, 7, 7
"One Perfect Rose" by Taria (Celestial follow-up) 10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326363067
"Celeste's WD-40" by Poison Ivan (Celestial follow-up)
10, 8, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326642248
"Flagrante Delicto" by Lord Malinov (poignant romance)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326660370
Guest Reviews:
"The Sexdoll" by Emerson Laken-Palmer (medicinal sex)
9.95, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=319235336
"The Fence" by Jordan Shelbourne (Unrequited Love)
10, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8524.txt
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325600969
"Something Fishy in Little Rock" by George Kranz (political
satire & sex) 9.75, 9, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325981427
"File This!" by MD James (office sex) 9, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8484.txt.
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325300161
"Phone Calls" by Mr. Maquido (phone sex) 8, 9, 9.5
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325912334
"You Took Me" by Brother Cadfael (romance) 10, 8, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325300136
"Bill's Seduction" by Anthony (Reluctant Affair) 9, 6, 4
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325912341
Reposted Reviews:
* "Tomboy" by Jordan Shelbourne (emerging adolescence)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326642226
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Evidence Of Betrayal" by Anne Arbor (AnneArbor@hotmail.com). The
evidence of betrayal cited in the title consists of a set of four
Polaroid photographs that Kathy has found, evidence of her
husband's involvement with another woman after eleven years of a
presumably monogamous marriage. In the story Kathy reflects on
her own previous sexual activities and initiates an affair of her
own. At first I was disappointed that there was little in the way
of explicit sex in this story, but then I realized that the
absence of vivid descriptions really enhanced the poignant mood of
the story. This is a good story that depicts a sad but all-too-
common series of events in the modern world.
A story like this always makes me wonder what I would do if my
husband were unfaithful to me in real life. I have assured my
husband that if her ever pulled a stunt like this I would simply
rip out the woman's eyes and cut off his balls. I probably
wouldn't really do that. As a matter of fact, we both take a
proactive approach - making it less likely that the other would
actually have a need to be unfaithful. I know when I have been
tempted, I simply focus on the fact that the infidelity would
create many more problems than it would solve, and so I have
invariably turned aside from any temporary pleasure that would be
likely to ruin the more permanent happiness that we have worked
hard to establish.
I HAVE had friends who have found evidence of betrayal, and my
advice to them has always been to seek professional counseling -
both for them and for their spouses. The few who have done so
have certainly been a lot happier afterwards than those who have
simply decided to get revenge. Nevertheless, the present story
represents a simple but accurate description of how one woman
might realistically handle evidence of betrayal.
Ratings for "Evidence Of Betrayal"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Horny School Girl" by SpiderRoX1 (SpiderRoX1@aol.com). Richard is a
rock star who needs companionship to fill up his lonely nights on the
road. This story describes his one-nighter with Terri, a young woman
who eats up his line and bathes in the light of his celebrity. I have
never done the groupie circuit myself, but this story certainly seems
plausible.
Ratings for "Horny School Girl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Basketball Game" by Gargoyle (gargoyle@northernnet.com).
This story is supposed to be about me. The high school English
teacher is also in charge of scheduling special events. One day
there is a scheduling conflict, and the visiting basketball
players can't use the locker room to change their clothes; and so
they go to the teacher's classroom to wait. They decide to change
their clothes in the classroom; and since they have their clothes
off anyway, all the players do various forms of horizontal folk
dancing with the teacher. This wears them out or at least
distracts them, and so they lose the basketball game to the home
team. Subsequently, there seem to be a lot of scheduling problems
before big games, and the visiting teams often play listlessly.
This is an interesting fantasy and I appreciate the friendly
spirit in which it was written. However, from my own perspective,
it just didn't seem like me in the story, and I suspect that
people who follow these reviews faithfully will have a similar
reaction to mine. Even though I enjoy looking at the bodies of
sexy athletes, I just don't get high on the idea of either being
gangbanged by them or seducing them en masse.
Having said that and setting aside the notion that it would really
be hard to accomplish all of this in a typical high school
classroom, I hasten to add this is still a pretty good story.
Ratings for "The Basketball Game"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"One Perfect Rose" by Taria (TariaT@aol.com). Surprise endings
are common on this newsgroup. Here we have a surprise beginning.
This is another continuation of my "Review" story, which
originated as a review of DG's "Call of Desire." My original
story ended with me (Celeste) getting happily fucked in the ass by
my loving husband while I was talking on the phone to Rose, a
slightly annoying but certainly conservative neighbor who was
trying to organize a purity crusade against Epcot Center.
As the present "chapter" begins, we discover that Rose is actually
one hot chick - and a lesbian to boot! She and her friend Claire
are cleaning the carpet at their end of the phone, while my
husband is hiding his salami up my ass. It's very hot stuff!
Let me point out that this is not where I intended the story to
go. I am as surprised as anyone about these developments. I have
long been suspicious that my neighbors on one side may be slightly
oversexed, and so Sandman merely confirmed my suspicions. On the
other hand, I was under the impression that Rose lived a couple of
miles away and was married to a couch potato with a beer belly.
Before things get really out of hand, let me point out that my
daughters are both good kids - active in sports, never having
fucked a teacher or librarian - the sort of kids that would fit
right in with the Brennan family. While I would not rule out the
possibility that either I or my husband may be related to the
Allen sisters, neither I nor my husband nor either of my kids has
ever been naked with anyone in that clan. Nor are we related to
any vampires or prominent public officials that we know about. On
the other hand, I suspect that some of my neighbors and colleagues
at work are really weird. I know for certain that one of my
husband's coworkers goes without panties every Friday - it has
something to do with a radio show she listens to. I realize people
can go anywhere they want with my persona, but I thought the
preceding hints might be helpful.
Taria points out in a brief epilogue that Nick's original follow-
up to my "Review" gave Rose a raw deal. So it did. But give Nick
credit: he got the ball rolling for a couple of good stories.
As I understand it, we now have six stories in this sequence (not
counting DG's "Call of Desire.") The stories are starting to
diverge, and so I'll label them below:
Chapter 1: The Review (Celeste)
Chapter 2a: Fighting Rose's Corner (Nick)
Chapter 2b: The Bedroom window (Sandman)
Chapter 2c: Seat of Power (Jay)
Chapter 2d: Celeste's WD-40 (Ivan)
Chapter 3a: One perfect Rose (Taria)
If you want to continue this series, feel free to add to any of
the threads. It is NOT necessary to remain consistent with a plot
that has already been started. For example, you don't have to
have Rose be a lesbian with a lover named Claire: you can start
your own thread, if you wish. Sandman, who numbered the currently
existing chapters slightly differently than I did, has sent me a
list of the following possible chapters:
Chapter 5: Party Line
Who knew Rose had a party line?
Chapter 6: The Lineman
Stuck up top an electric pole, your
average joe gets a charge from
all the hot sex going on below him.
Chapter 7: The neighbor's call
What happens when Janet and Sandman
call the next day?
Chapter 8: A Rose by any other name
would still be Lady Cyrrh? OK I
STILL think this would be a good
plot twist.
Chapter 9: Hacking Celeste
What happens when one of Celeste's
students hacks her computer? And uncovers
her secret past time?
Chapter 10: Celeste cooks dinner.
How did this get here?
Chapter 11: House guests.
What happens when Celeste's cousins, the Allen
sisters, come to visit for a while?
Chapter 12: Crimes and Misdemeanors
Little did we suspect there was a burglar in Rose's
apartment that night. Now he returns with something
more than lifting a stereo in mind.
Chapter 13: The exchange student.
Celeste's daughter is swapped for a hot Italian
stud with only one thing on his mind.
Chapter 14: Fucking Celeste (For real this time)
What happens when the hacker's (chapter 9)
father learns of his son's activities (and Celeste's
secret identity?) What happens when the father
turns out to be non other than our own M1ke Hunt?
I'm not sure but it will probably be funny,
irreverent, and mostly true. ;-)
Ratings for "One Perfect Rose"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Celeste's WD-40" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). As the
title suggests, this story is told from the point of view of the
can of WD-40 that I (Celeste) cast aside in "The Review," while
talking to Rose on the phone and trying to find the KY jell to
lubricate my asshole to receive my husband's plonker.
It turns out that after the fun is over, I need my WD-40 after
all. No, I don't stick his love rod into my honey pot and fill
myself with his love juices - that skinny four-incher would be
absolutely insignificant compared to my husband's one-eyed yogurt
shooter.
No, my WD-40 knows his role in life and is satisfied by the thrill
of meeting my basic needs as only he can, even though he emits
gasses at his moment of ecstasy. Somewhere there's probably a
story about the duct tape in that same drawer.
The story has a sad ending - what does one do with a can of WD-40
when it's empty? When even shaking it won't get it to a level of
arousal to enable it to spew forth its juices to bring forth from
me that satisfied sigh indicating that all is right in the
world....
Actually, I have simplified things. The plot is not as unadorned
and silly as this. Not quite.
Ratings for "Celeste's WD-40"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Flagrante Delicto" by Lord Malinov (malinov@mindless.com). The
title is a term that lawyers use to refer to catching a person in
the very act of committing a crime.
The story has something to do with a quiet, serious fellow walking
down the town's main business strip and stopping another man,
pulling out an old revolver, and shooting him through the heart.
The bullet goes clean through the body and shatters the window of
a nearby store. People scream and all that sort of thing. The man
lays the gun down next to the dead man and pulls out his checkbook
and pays the storekeeper for the broken window before turning
himself in to the police.
What does this have to do with sex, you might say. It sounds more
like something that would happen in an American post office.
This is another excellent story.
Ratings for "Flagrante Delicto"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Sexdoll" by Emerson Laken-Palmer. Posted by Sxjames
(Sxjames@aol.com). Guest reviewed by The One And Only TDS.
Right off the bat, before this review begins, I am announcing that I
will do a sequel to this story - chiefly because the ending is such that
the door is left open to do just that, and the potential subject matter
is such that a sequel would be appropriate! Believe me, you'd do the
same! (Hmmm...sounds like an idea for another one of Malinov's whacked
out contests....)
Emerson, for those of you not familiar with him, is based out of the
Detroit area (which makes me want to announce: ELP, get in touch with
me because I WANNA MEET YOU!! I'm over on the west side of the state
and wanna buy you dinner next time I'm over by your neck of the woods)
and has a track record of well-developed stories involving incest and/or
pedo, although the majority of the characters are within the same age
group, relatively. {Relatively - get it <wink> - Celeste}
This is one of the times he strikes out with an adult character, and the
reported victim is not quite pedo (17 going on 18). Seems the male lead
is a 35 year old nurse's aide in a Cincinnati hospice (Personal to ELP:
"Aide" MUST have the "e" at the end when referring to a person) and a
comatose closed head injury patient has checked in to starve to death,
thanks to insurance coverage that has run out (hmmm...another topic
worth a good book, in nasty expose style).
Figuring letting the girl die is a waste, coupled with the fact his
hours have not been conducive to getting a girl in months... well, you
can get the idea of the therapy program he is going to try out on the
sleeping beauty. The ending of the story gives the twist that is
leading me to write the sequel.
Subplot involves the male lead and two very hot to trot nurses at the
hospice who work with him on the night shift, and how one of them ends
up owing our male a MAJOR favor thanks to her scumball of a boyfriend
(who was about to do some five finger discounting along the lines of
converting pharmaceuticals into recreationals).
Ending is taut and well done, plot is solid, and writing is clear with
few errors (mostly bad typing, all caught by good proofreaders - another
plug for the Celeste Proof Your Porn Program); and the result is another
excellent addition to ELP's resume. Worth getting for your own
collection, which is a good rule of thumb for this guy.
Ratings for "The Sexdoll"
Mars (technical merit): 9.95 (goes to 10 immediately on fixing)
Zeus (plot and character): 10, and I'd give a 20 on the plot if I
could!!
TDS (appeal to reviewer): 10, A+, Bravo!, Author! Author!, whatever.
"The Fence" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). Guest Review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
A little background before I begin. I had just come off reviewing three
straight pedo pieces; and while I think I can analyze a pedo story (I
simply read it like an ingredient label), I hardly have fun doing them.
Worse, I suspected that since I wasn't bitching and moaning about having
to do these reviews I might by default become the official pedo reviewer
for the CR (like gag me with a chain saw). Sandman, pedophilia
connoisseur - pretty disgusting isn't it?
So I decided to make my own luck with my next review. Celeste usually
sends us stories to review, but she hasn't objected yet to a review I
fired off of my own accord. The trick to this is to pick something
(preferably good) that has almost zero chance of showing up in the
review anyway - either because it's too long, too fringe, or too
obscure. So it was with extraordinary excitement that I greeted "The
Fence" -- It's short, it's damn good, and it most likely would never be
reviewed in the CR (more on that later).
"The Fence" begins with these lines: "There was one moment, I never
loved him more. I never owned him less." What follows is a verbal
snapshot, described in painstaking and loving detail. The narrator and
the narrator's object of affection are building a fence. The narrator
is of course hopelessly in love with the man, but the man knows nothing
of this - they are just friends. Therefore the act of building a fence
becomes a metaphor for sex, love, and union in the narrator's
descriptions. The author uses symbolism and imagery to create an
extraordinarily erotic scene out of ordinary manual labor. There is not
one sexual act depicted in this story, yet it is perhaps one of the most
genuinely erotic stories posted this month if not this year.
The two characters of course are both men. This is why it probably
would not appear in the Review. I suspect most women who read this
story will identify immediately with the narrator and the unrequited
love. Actually that's probably sexist, I believe this story could work
for ANYONE who's ever loved someone from afar.
This is my third triple ten review. "Dick Thruster" made me laugh.
"Wendy" made me think and introspect, but "The Fence" reminded me that
while love may be wonderful and sweet, it can also be cruel and
uncaring. Read this story you'll be glad you did.
Ratings for "The Fence"
Athena (technical quality): 10 -- Perfect, loved the symbolism.
Venus (plot & character): 10 -- Perfect, unrequited love at its
most tragic.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10 -- Very Recommended.
"Something Fishy in Little Rock" by George Kranz (5@mail.com). Guest
Reviewed by The One And Only TDS.
From this here moment, I appoint myself exclusive reviewer of all the
alt.sex.stories that are political in nature. I do that on the grounds
of my job - I AM a reporter/photographer in real life.
I also announce that I am still a bit ticked at dear Celeste for
reviewing "Jon Benet Ramsey Rides Again" instead of sending it to ME to
comment on. All that did was ruin my announcement to the world that I
had finally hit on the idea to make my fortune in life... namely, head
out to Boulder, Colorado and sell, at $2.95 each, weather-resistant
bumper stickers bearing the following line: "Honk if YOU killed Jon
Benet Ramsey!"
(Okay, stop laughing now. The joke around this neck of the woods was
that, until the game was over, none of us were sure WHICH John the
Broncos were playing for... also, Celeste, I'm no longer mad at you;
never was, in fact. But your review, for such a hilarious story in
retrospect, was a bit tame...sigh...)
This one, though, is _another_ matter. Gives me a chance to break out a
line I was going to use in my "Clinton 1/2/3" review that Celeste took
out (no biggie). During a murder I covered, one of the detectives
working on the case made the comment, "The three biggest motivators in
life are money, sex and drugs and I think we can eliminate two of them"
in this case.
On that observation, this story deals with Hillary Clinton and former
White House special counsel Vincent Foster, now deceased by his own
hand. (All you conspiracy nuts, the following: Just like Elvis, Foster
is DEAD - GIVE IT UP!!)
{Note from Celeste: My favorite Monica Lewinsky joke came from Jay Leno.
One of Clinton's spokesmen had stated to the press that Bill's
relationship with Monica was complicated. Leno retorted, "That man
doesn't know the meaning of complicated. Take Bill's relationship with
Hillary.... Now, THAT's complicated!"}
Right. We are dealing with the First Lady of The United States.
According to some people I know, they refer to the Clintons as The Chick
With The Dick. 'Nuff said. To wit, the above quote relates to this
story as follows:
* Rule out the drugs. Teflon Willy did NOT inhale, you got that? Yes, he
does _breathe_, but he did NOT inhale.
* Rule out the money. That's Al Gore's surefire method of orgasm. (And I
don't give a fuck what Tipper's is, OK?)
As Robin Williams would now say, "Figure it out, Sparky??"
Premise deals with an "investigative reporter" in Arkansas (NOT me,
folks; I'm in Michigan) getting a visit from what the story purports to
be a member of the Hebrew persuasion but is actually another Son of the
South with a few... ah... possessions of an incriminating nature that
would make a Kenneth Starr drool.
Seems that a cousin of this visitor, who turns out to be a "private
investigator" (and folks, the life of a PI is _far_ different from what
you saw in characters such as Philip Marlow, Thomas Magnum, and even
Paul Drake... believe me, I know; one of my best friends IS a well-known
private investigator), works in the funeral home that handled Vincent
Foster's remains. The cousin has overheard a few conversations and has
read a fax from the "Executive Office"; and the gist of the matter is
that Hillary Clinton will come to the funeral home in person to pay
her... .ah... last respects.
What she does with - and TO - Vincent is anything but respectable,
particularly when the reporter gets a chance to go to the video tape.
Bottom line: If ANY of this shit (and I include everything from the
Whitewater land deal caper to the send-Bill-candy-for-Valentines- since-
he-already-had-Flowers affair to the Chinese campaign cash to... to...
what's that bimbo's name... or more to the point, WHICH bimbo this
week), in any way or another is true, there is no quickie paperback
publisher on the face of the earth who will ever be able to sell another
Elvis/Michael Jackson/Mike Tyson/Jeffrey Dahmer tell-all book to anyone!
After all, take a moment to think: Isn't it nice to have the Kennedys
BACK in the White House???
SCORING (based on my experience as a Soviet gymnastic judge):
Mars (technical merit): 9.75 - due to some bad typing that can
be corrected easily. Once that's done, give this a 10.
Zeus (plot and character): 9 - loss of point due to lack of response
from Bill, on advice of counsel and handlers. Besides, he's
probably recovering from all that fucking he did in "Clinton
1/2/3"
TDS (appeal to slimeball...er, reviewer): 10 - mainly because this
thing is fuckin' hilarious!
"File This!" by MD James (d2beast@aol.com). Guest review by Dart.
Allison is the sexiest lady at the office; and since the day she started
working there, the unnamed narrator has had his lustful eyes glued to
her. Finally, a conjunction of events that he has dreamed of arrives.
Allison's boss is out of town, and she's going to be working in the file
room, the least frequented room in the office (which is hard to believe
since it contains the copy machine). But, putting that aside, our
narrator plots and then acts on how to take advantage of Allison's
isolation.
This story's appeal to me varied more, paragraph to paragraph, than any
a.s.s story that I've read for quite a while. Because of the interesting
twist at the end, I wound up liking the story. I do feel, however, that
the end should have been developed in just a little more detail.
Ratings for "File This!"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Dart (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Phone Calls" by Mr. Maquido (maquido@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Sven the Elder.
It's a funny thing, reading what purports to be a transcript of someone
else's phone calls. I've had to do it as part of my job in the past,
and it always feels _naughty_, voyeuristic, eavesdropping, as it were.
Makes you feel almost guilty, as if you shouldn't be there. Almost
makes you want to look over your shoulder with a guilty conscience.
Now I must admit that the thought of 'cybersex' doesn't interest me at
all - it's a hell of a poor substitute for the _real_ thing. I do know
one person who is hooked on it, but then I've also met his wife - Damn
that's sexist, I guess - get me into trouble a remark like that; but
yes, I suppose in those circumstances I might be interested in
'cybersex' too. Brings me back to the story, I've never, in all the
years married and times away from home, sometimes too many, been, by the
same token interested in 'phone sex'. Not my scene, even with slightly
risque neighbors. No rewind that! _Especially_ with slightly risque
neighbors. Yet that is exactly what these transcripts are. They make
you feel as if you shouldn't be reading them; and dammit, they make you
a little hot as well. I can't describe them as exciting, but.... they
are different. Voyeuristic, and the only sex is descriptive,
masturbatory.
Difficult to categorize, it's strangely arousing. I found myself
sitting in front of a dying log fire, nursing a glass of scotch, and
musing. Strange thing the mind, strange what turns us on. Never mind;
time for bed, I guess. It _will_ be in my mind as I drift to sleep.
You really ought to read it.
Ratings for 'Phone Calls'
Technical quality: 8 (Nothing outstanding.)
Plot & character: 9 (There is nothing apart from the intro, yet)
Sven (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 (The appeal grows in the mind.)
"You Took Me" by Brother Cadfael (Brother_Cadfael@earthcorp.com). Guest
reviewed by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). Brother Cadfael's
stories are archived at http://home.fia.net/~cadfael/.
"You Took Me" is one of those first/second person stories, with a male
"I" and a female "you." I have a small problem with this type of story,
and I can only make them work for me if I imagine they are love letters.
This is not especially fair to the author, who is not writing a love
letter, but what can I do?
As a love letter, "You Took Me" is very short and very sweet. The sex
is not too explicit, and there isn't much story to speak of. But there
is some nice kissing and body contact. And there is a dreamy, romantic
tone that is not at all unpleasant.
A nice story to read if you need a quick pick-me-up.
Ratings for "You Took Me"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Ivan (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Bill's Seduction" by Anthony (tonytony3@juno.com). Guest Review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
This story begins at a New Year's party, where an innocent kiss under
some mistletoe turns out to be a little less than innocent. Later on,
Bill (the narrator) discovers Roberta is painstakingly seducing him.
Actually I should say, tediously seducing him. Bill resists to the
point of complaining about Roberta's flirtations. But of course, Bill
doesn't resist too hard when the moment of truth comes.
An aggressive woman can be exciting. Adultery can be a spice, an
adventure, a break from monotony. A pursuit can be enticing, even more
erotic than the sex itself . The elements are certainly here for this
story to have worked, yet it's surprisingly drab in its appeal. So what
went wrong?
It's my belief the story fails by belaboring the reluctance of the
narrator. The reader is reminded time and time again that Bill doesn't
want anything to do with Roberta. After the first few flirtations Bill
begins to open up just the tiniest bit to the possibility of an affair,
but immediately clamps back down again. Thus the affair, when it
happens, is seen by the reader as a failure, a defeat - not exactly what
you want your readers to be thinking when the big sex scene starts
happening.
Here's an interesting twist though. If the story had been written from
Roberta's point of view, I think the story might have worked as some
sort of female domination story (forgive me if I misunderstand the
genre). In this case the challenge would be to make Bill submit to her
will and have sex with her. Here Bill's reluctance would have been a
nice plot device. Really, the story may still work out that way for
some readers, but I rather suspect that since the story is written from
the point of view of the prey rather than the hunter the appeal will be
vastly diminished.
Now the good news. Once the author stops making the narrator so
reluctant and has the two hop into bed, the sex is pretty well written.
Roberta stays consistently the aggressive woman and directs the sex like
a producer directing a play, but the imagery is vivid enough. It's not
the best sex scene ever written but it most certainly isn't the worst.
As someone who likes his erotica wrapped around a cozy story, I find
myself in the awkward position of having to say this story would have
been far better if the author had chopped off the first part and simply
submitted it as a sex scene. Certainly, as it stands now I can not
recommend this story.
Ratings for "Bill's Seduction"
Athena (technical quality): 9-- A little hard to read.
Venus (plot & character): 6 -- Not really appealing.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 4 - Didn't really strike a chord.
* "Tomboy" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). Occasionally I
make a truly earth-shaking discovery. This is one of those times.
Have you ever wondered why Harper Lee wrote only one novel that
anyone cares about, even though that one novel (To Kill a
Mockingbird) is read by almost every high school student in the
United States? Have you ever wondered whether Harper Lee was a
man or a woman? Have you ever wondered what Harper Lee is doing
right now? I'll ignore the first two questions, but the answer to
the third appears to be that Harper Lee is writing stories for
this newsgroup under the pseudonym of Jordan Shelbourne!
When I read a story, I HAVE to imagine somebody in the roles of
the main characters. For example, I picture myself as Pat Allen
when I read Mark Aster's stories; it was easy to picture my
husband as Joey in "A Rude Awakening"; and one of the reasons I
like to read sitcom parodies is because it's easy to picture the
actors as the protagonists. As I read "Tomboy," the author's
style naturally led me to picture Scout from "To Kill a
Mockingbird" as Spike and Dill as Kip. Maybe I've been doing too
many lesson plans, but look at this passage:
"I know that sounds stupid. I mean, I was looking forward to the
first time I ever really fucked a girl and all that, but I never
thought it would be _Spike._ Spike was something permanent in my
life, and I thought our friendship would never change. But it
had. Spike had just become something, someone, totally different
and I didn't know what, and I didn't know what was allowed between
us."
If that's not Harper Lee talking, I don't know who it is! Anyway,
the story is about a young boy who goes away to summer camp and
returns home to find his best friend has grown up and is not happy
about her new-found sexual characteristics. Nothing a little
touchie-feelie won't cure!
Ratings for "Tomboy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10